Mindset Monday - How to break the rules

This is episode 168, the empowered team Podcast. Psst. The Zenith is coming. The most incredible life changing retreat in Sayulita, Mexico. That's right, the Zenith is coming. To learn more, head to www.theempowered.ca zenith. Learn more. It is life Chang. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. Happy Monday, everyone. Welcome to a new week. Welcome to Mindset Monday. And today we're going to talk about breaking the rules. All about breaking the rules. I'm sure there's a few rule breakers in here because if you weren't rule breakers, if you're only rule followers, you may be a little bit limited in your creativity. So today with our rule breaking, some of this might find you a little uncomfortable because when we want to follow the rules, we don't like the topic of breaking rules. But I want to give you a few examples that I think will land for you and possibly open up a smarter way of breaking the rules and approaching this topic. So I want to start with the reason that this topic came to be and it has to do with two things. This is where I got this topic. One is something that happened with my daughter and two is a movie that we watched called the Green Book. So first of all, with my daughter, she went out and was playing with her friends. And to be out in our neighborhood, which we've only lived in for the last year, she's gotten to know a number of friends, but she's at an age where we want to give her a little more freedom. But at the same time we give her a number of rules in order to stay safe. We want to know where she is, we want to know what area she is and how we can find her if we need to because she doesn't have a cell phone and we don't want her to have a cell phone for another few years yet. So she has limitations on what streets she can go beyond because she goes to a few different friends places, but she's not allowed to pass certain main streets in the neighborhood. So I know she's going to be within a certain zone and I also know which houses and where her friends live. So if I need to find her, I can go and look for her. And she's also told me where she's going to be, either at the school or certain friends places. And one day she had been out playing and obviously I'd asked where she'd gone. I'd also asked how it went when she got back, and there was nothing unusual reported. And then I got a text from a parent. And the text was very kind. And it was saying, you know, Maeve is so kind. Thank you so much for. Thank her for her help with my son. And this particular son was a very good friend of my daughter's. But I also knew that he lived beyond the boundaries of where she was supposed to go. So I asked Maeve about it, and my husband and I, Paul and I asked Maeve about it, and she didn't initially answer that anything was unusual. So we asked further and further, and eventually I found out a little more information. And it turns out that she had broken the rules. She had gone beyond the place where she was supposed to. She was hiding it from us, but she had done so because he, the friend, had gotten quite hurt. And so she took it upon herself to walk him home, make sure he got home safely. He was quite hurt, and she wanted to make sure he got home. Now, in my mind and the lesson that we wanted to teach was that in this situation, the rules are meant to be broken. She had no way of asking permission ahead of time. It was kind of an emergency situation. She wasn't going to run home and ask if she could break the rule and to get him home. She just chose to break the rule and take him home because she felt that was important at the time. What we were trying to teach her is that after the fact, to please let us know that she felt that it was important that she broke that rule and why and what happened so that then we know what's going on. So there's this lesson to be learned. And that was her overall rule breaking scenario. And the other thing that brought this topic to mind is the movie called Green Book. And it's about a black man who's extremely talented with piano playing. And he was going through the south touring and he had a driver with him, and it was very profound. And the reason I say that he's black is because when he was in the Deep south, he was supposed to perform. And the very club, the very entity that he was supposed to perform for, wasn't allowing him to eat in their establishment because of his color. So it was remarkable to me. And he took a stand and chose not to play. I don't want to give away the movie, but it was fantastic. Love the movie Green Book, if you can watch it. So in both of these scenarios, the rules were broken and you or I or Other people might think there were good reasons to break the rules and others might think that no, in order to stay within the parameters of what's been established or created, for whatever reason, maybe you're supposed to follow those rules. So I'm going to give you some guidelines in looking up at different resources and psychology as to why or what is around rules and whether we should break them or not for our own good or the good of others. And what this looks like easy, easy ways so you can decide whether you're going to break the rules. So number one, a little bit about rules is that not all are created equal. So some rules are there and they're just kind of lower end rules. And that's why if a rule is a rule, is a rule, it's not that way. Some are more stringent, some are more lax, and some of them are real safety rules. They're going to keep us alive, whereas other rules are going to be just there for maybe a systemic reason so that things run flat, smoothly. We don't break the rules for just the sake of it. It makes no sense. Us as humans, we tend to break a rule because there's something in it for us. So most of us don't just become the rule breakers. So if you think of someone who's a rebel or wants to break all the rules, there's something in it for them. They're not just breaking the rules for the sake of breaking the rules, they're breaking the rules because there's some sort of payoff for them or something that they believe in. People with the most creative jobs or mindsets are more likely to break the rules than other people. So when you think of someone with really creative position or really creative mind, those creatives tend to be the ones who break the rules more often. And remember that those rules that are in place, they're typically there to help us and not hurt us. And when we look at research, research alone shows that women who move to maybe a new culture, a new city, start to conform to the rules around there. So maybe they're just kind of a social norm. So for instance, there have been studies that shown that women moving into a higher end metropolis will start wearing the higher shoes than they would have in a different area. And I've noticed this personally for myself, moving into a space that's more rural. And then I'm not wearing the same things, I'm not in the same environment, I'm conforming to the environment around me because in our brains there's a little alarm bell that says, hey, wait a second, go with what works, what the rules of this zone or this culture are. Now that's the same for a workplace, for a team, for a family. There's this little alarm bell in our brain that says, hey, conform to what is around you because that's part of your group or your tribe or your safety. So we have these self imposed rules. It's not just the rules that are listed out for our own safety, it's also the rules we put upon ourselves in order to become part of a group or an area or the environment that we put ourselves in. So let's go into quickly how to decide whether you're going to break the rules or not. These are three simple ways to and I think they'll serve you every single time. Number one is, is the outcome worth it? So if we look back at the example with Maeve, her outcome was helping her friend. And for her I think that was worth it because it was a really good friend. That's probably why it was worth it for her. Number two is values. Your values. Is the rule breaking behavior aligned with your personal values or, or of those of your company or organization that you're within or your culture? So are the rules aligned with your values? If we look at my daughter again as the example, her values to be a good friend and to be there and help someone was really high. She may not be aware of these values, but that for her was important to help her friend and help him get home. Number three, is there a personal or a collective gain? So whether it's for yourself or your organization or sport or culture or community, is there a personal gain or a collective gain? That is usually going to be the third factor in deciding whether or not to break a rule. And if you look back at the example with Maeve, she had a personal gain and in maybe not as high of a personal gain as a collective gain. Her collective gain was her friendship. Her collective gain was helping somebody else. Her collective gain was looking out for the people she cares about. So if you look at these three things, is the outcome worth it? Are they aligned? The rule breaking, is it aligned with your values personally or those of your organization? And is there a personal or a group gain to be had for from breaking the rules? Those are the three things that you're going to decide. However, lastly, you want to decide how you're going to approach the rule breaking. If this is something that you've, if this is the route you're going to take. So if you've decided yeah, I've got to break this rule because of those three parameters. Then will you ask permission? Will you take action and address the breach later? Or will you not necessarily break the rule, but instead approach the limitations or issues with and why they're there with the organizational body that is imparting the rules? So take a look at those three ways of analyzing your rule breaking that you're about to do. Decide qualify it. Are you going to ask permission? Are you going to take action and address it later, after the action is taken? Or are you going to not break the rule, but instead approach the rule itself? Why is it there what the limitations are about this rule? Those three things are actions in and of themselves. Those are going to be the most important part of the impact after dealing with the rule in and of itself. If you just decide to rule break, rule break, rule break, it's going to have an impact negatively, not only on yourself, your alignment, with your values, but also with those around you. And as soon as you start negatively impacting those around you, it's going to have a personal impact as well. So it's not to say that rules aren't there to help us. It is to say to question. It is to say to look at the the purpose of the rule, why it's there, and decide whether it's limiting your creativity, whether it's limiting the alignment and the values around the people that you're with, and whether it's holding you or others back from something that could be much greater. This is where you can look at Are you a fire starter? Are you that person that goes and sees something else that needs to be initiated, whether it's within the realm of the rules or not? Do you need to put an idea out there that might shake things up, that might break the rules, but could really make a positive difference not only for others, for yourself, and maybe even a broader impact beyond your community. So take a look at breaking the rules. Decide whether they are to be broken because they're going to have a greater, broader, better impact than what currently is in place with the rule. I hope this serves you well on your Monday and kicks you off into a week looking at things in a way that maybe has you questioned some of the rules around you or feel grateful for some of the rules around you? Have a beautiful week, everyone. Love to you so much. You are amazing humans. Keep up to all of the amazing ways of being and things you are doing. Have a fantastic week. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team podcast, you'll love being on The Empowered Team the Empowered Team runs year round. 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