Mindset Monday - How to have JOMO and thrive!

This is episode 229 of the Empowered Team Podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider.

Welcome. Welcome to another episode of Mindset Monday. Here we are today launching another topic. This time we're all into how to have Jomo and thrive. What you might wonder, is Jomo. Well, you may have heard of fomo and FOMO, to sum it up, is the fear of missing out. And it's a unique term introduced in 2004 to describe a phenomenon observed on social media networking sites. So in research they like to refer to this as SNS social networking sites. So FOMO includes two processes. Firstly, the perception of missing out, followed up with a compulsive behavior to maintain these social connections. So this is really important because we see this on our social media feeds, we see this also in other social settings. So this FOMO term went way above and beyond just social settings. We as a society started using it in all sorts of scenarios. Having FOMO about going to someone's party, FOMO about that vacation, FOMO about the trip for work, FOMO about what someone else is doing that you wanted to do the same thing. So we started using this term all over the place. But it originated in, in the context of social networking sites. So getting on social media and feeling like you had to keep going because you were going to miss something that someone else was doing or something in their life or the next thing that was coming up. Now what you might wonder is how this is applying into our work lives, our next level of performance, our production, whatever we want to achieve at or progress towards. Because it's not just social media, this applies in all areas. So first, before we really know how to thrive with Jomo, we need to know what it is. So Jomo is the pleasure derived, otherwise, joy of missing out. So it's the joy of missing out, not the fear of missing out. Jomo is the pleasure derived from living in a quiet or independent way without feeling anxious that one is missing out on exciting or interesting events that may be happening elsewhere. And elsewhere includes somewhere else in someone's social feed. So I think of this in a couple of areas. Of course, the low hanging fruit, the obvious one is social media. But it's not just social media. This is the kind of thing that shows up for many different people in their professional lives. So for instance, I'll give you the example of company leader, CEO decides to bring his team to a key event for their company. And it just so happens that this key event is coinciding in the same state as another event that they really wanted to make sure that they were at. So the plans became that they would go to one event, which entailed flying and then driving, and then try and make it for the last day of the second event, which meant more driving and then flying back to the destinations of the employees who were going on this trip. So this looked like a schedule that was so packed that had very, very little time for recovery. And any of the time that wasn't at the event was typically spent traveling because they still had to get back to the second event and then after that event, still travel home. So it was such a jam packed scenario that it led to this overwhelm of not enough recovery, not enough downtime, and also leads to and led to that leader getting sick. So the leader gets sick and ultimately discovers that that second event really wasn't as important as they thought in terms of having to be there in terms of value coming back to the company, in terms of connections made. So initially though, there was this thought that they really should be there, it would be a lot of value and that feeling of not wanting to miss that. And they were in that state anyway for the other, so why not go to it? There's a level of FOMO that's occurring that clouds some of the decision making around what's going to be most important. Now, of course, by all means, play big, work hard, go for whatever you think the company or your group or your family is going to be best served by, and at the same time, recognize that there's still those basic human needs of recovery. And sometimes when we're really going for it, it's the concept of sleep when you're dead. We call this, we have a little acronym, sword, Sleep when you're dead, which seems like a go hard, play hard, work hard, play hard, do all the things. But at the end of the day, the question becomes, is this serving the direction I really want for my life? Fill in the blank for my company, fill in the blank for my family. Is this taking me in the direction or us in the direction that we really, really want to go? And that's what we want to take a look at with fomo. And the research really shows that there's a ton of detrimental associations with this fomo because now it's not just a social term, it's not just a new word in the Oxford dictionary, It's becoming something that's being studied from a mental health standpoint, especially for adolescents. And this is where the research is showing that there's all kinds of correlations and associations with the anxiety that comes from fear of missing out in these social situations. Now, it's not going to be too long that that adolescent population is going to be a population that's in the workforce. Flash forward five years, eight years, and you have a group of people who have certain developments with their habits or with their emotions or with their connections or their fear of missing out with social media systems. So some of this looks like fear of missing out and social functioning. This creates many situations that contribute in a clinical nature where an individual is engaging with social media to alleviate feelings of loneliness, but then ends up exacerbating them. They keep returning to social media to alleviate these feelings, and they end up in that spiral of continuing on and on and on, experiencing less satisfaction and less of the basic psychological needs for the connectedness or autonomy that they might really, really thrive from. So it's counterintuitive in nature and the same things that ends up happening with social events. So I liken this to a scenario where we're compelled or feel like we really need this social connection, and we do, but to what end? So is it the quality of social connection that really is going to benefit us and the other people, or is it the kind of thing that's not going to serve the direction that we really want to go? So we look at this in other situations. I think of what's happened with some of the people that I know who are serious about their businesses. They're serious about the direction and the purpose they have in their lives. And they'll say things like, well, I'm not really on social media, but then what's happening is they're on a different version of media, which ends up being WhatsApp or another connected device or platform that allows them to still be involved in chats. But those chats end up becoming so busy and so hard to keep up with that the same effect of FOMO ends up happening. So people dive in deeper or feel like they've missed out or feel like they have to catch up. And then the question still comes back to, is this serving the direction that I want to go? Is this time that I really want to be spending, is this time spent the best use of my time? And some of those questions end up having us wonder, well, am I still in this mode of fear of missing out simply because I've replaced social media with a different platform? I've replaced social media with tv, and this is what I see in professionals more so is that when a television show or a WhatsApp channel, or even finishing up on emails, it might be a scenario where there's this fear of missing out around the email message. The message on WhatsApp, the particular communication platform, whether it's slack or whatever else is used, then the person feels that fear of missing out. But the reality is they're looking for the distraction to avoid doing the harder work. They're looking for the distraction to not dive into what's really important. Because chances are, the thing that's really important is a little bit scary. Chances are the thing that's really important stretches us just enough that we're right out of our comfort zone, and we feel that discomfort of doing it. So it's so much easier to tell ourselves that we don't want to miss that email, we don't want to miss that slack message. We have to keep up on that, or we want to keep it clean and keep it organized, or we don't want to fall behind on that chat because it's really important to us. But that's the question. Is it really, really important to us? And that's why I really took a look at this, to come up with really easy ways to avoid FOMO and embrace Jomo. Because when it comes down to it, when we understand what's really important to us, then there's an easy guide. So here's step number one, Three steps, just easy steps to avoid fear of missing out. Number one, know that FOMO is going to show up, and that's okay. So this is one of the most important things, is that even if you make a conscious decision to do something or not to do something, the fear of missing out is going to show up. And it simply stems from the fact that we're social creatures. We are beings who are meant to be with other humans. We crave desire and survive with social connection. So no matter what the new thing is, whether it's a social platform, whether it's a version of communication for work, whether it's another conference or event, when we see or know that other humans will be there and we might not be, we're going to likely experience a little bit of FOMO around that. And that's okay, because once we're aware of what's happening, then we're less compelled to act on it. We don't necessarily have to take action on going to that thing or experiencing that thing. We just know it's going to be there. This is a bit of a silly example, but the I feel a little left out, a little FOMO here and that there's some really popular shows that people talk about and when I can't engage in that conversation because I haven't watched that show, part of me goes, oh, I want to start watching that show. So Game of Thrones would be an example. I don't know very many people who haven't watched Game of Thrones or there's a few other series or programs and truth be told, in that moment I feel like, oh well, maybe I should watch that. I guess I'm going to watch that now. I want to be able to talk about this too. Those characters sound so interesting. But then I check myself because I'm not interested in spending hours of my time watching TV if it's not really getting the result that I'm looking for. And to commit to that length of a series just too much for where I want to put my time. I am all for spending a little bit of time chilling with popcorn, watching a movie. But chances are if I'm going to do that, it might be with an 11 year old and my husband and it might not be an appropriate show for her, or it might be just with my husband and we're looking for something that we want to watch together and it's not going to be too long. Or maybe we've even committed to a different series. So to add a new series in is just too many hours in that realm that I'm not willing to spend because it takes away from other things that I'm far more committed to my purpose in helping other people and businesses and being with my family. So that's not going to be something that I'm willing to pay for in taking time away from those most important things to me. So that's step number one. Know that FOMO is going to show up and that's okay. You know then that you're more aware of what's happening. That's fantastic. Number two, plan exactly when to engage in your social media networks or your communication networks. Plan when that's going to happen for you. So for me, for instance, I might spend 15 minutes first part of my day. If I don't have a scheduled meeting or coaching session, then I'm going to plan that for emails. Or I might not plan for emails until later in the afternoon and I'm going to designate 30 to 45 minutes just for emails alone. Or if there's an important email, maybe it's coming at a different time. But the point being is I've planned in my calendar when that's going to happen. Or I know that I'm not going to check Facebook, Instagram, any sort of social media spot that I could get sucked into other than a few minutes at lunch. Otherwise I'm not going to touch it. Or maybe I'll do it later in the day, after I've done my most important activities, after work's done, after my priorities are done, then it's going to happen. So it's planned when those things are going to happen in order to keep them in check, to put them in their place, have them stay in their lane instead of take over the rest of the things that are actually more important. Number three, plan what to do when you aren't engaging. So this is really important because if you found yourself spending way more time than you want on the Slack channel, on social media or time at events, maybe you're going to all sorts of conventions now that Covid has calmed down and, and you're going to convention after convention. Well, don't just say yes to every single thing that comes up. Plan what is the most important so that you're not taking time away from what really matters to where you want to go. So those are the top three. Know that FOMO is going to show up. That's simply because primally, we're social creatures. We need that social connection. Number two, plan when to engage in those networks, those communication networks, in whatever it looks like, even events. And number three, plan what you don't want to do when you aren't engaging in those events that might look like maybe you take up a new sport. Maybe you're taking action more on the thing that's driving your own purpose. Maybe you're spending more time with your family. Maybe. Maybe you do something for yourself. Go figure. So, three steps to embrace Jomo. The joy of missing out. This is what we really want to step towards. Number one, try something new or different. Maybe you finished the book that you never finished and it was a novel, it wasn't to do with work. Maybe you prep the food, write a letter, finish the project because you were using all these other things to distract yourself from doing the hard work. So maybe you actually finished the project. So do something that you haven't been doing. Number two, plan how often you participate in the personal and online engagements. So this is what we said in avoiding fomo. It's just the same thing we're planning when we're going to participate in engaging socially so that then in the other times we're actually doing something for ourself, we're doing something in our direction that we want to go number three Feel. Uh huh. That's right. I know we do a lot, but sometimes we forget to be. And being involves feeling the things. This is where you get to feel the joy. Really feel the joy. Feel what it's like to not do what everyone else is doing. Feel what it's like to choose your path, to step into what's most important to you and celebrate that. It's the delicious time alone. It's the purposeful connection with an individual and with your family members. Maybe it's this fantastic download of ideas, this creation that supports the direction you really want to go. Feel the joy of missing out. That's what I'd love to leave you with today. I hope you've heard this in the morning. I hope this inspires you to make some subtle shifts today to really impact the direction of your day, your week, and the joy in your life. Have a wonderful rest of your day. Let's go. Let's do this. Keep being your best.

If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team is our group coaching and accountability program where we provide the tools, tools, skills and community for you to grow your self mastery as a leader and optimize your results alongside other leaders. The Empowered Team runs year round to learn more about our leadership consulting for business and our Empowered Team Group coaching. Head to www.theempowered.com. That's www.thempowered.ca empowered. Learn more. We can't wait for you to join us.

Let's.