Mindset Monday - Outcome Attachment

This is episode 171 of the Empowered Team Podcast. Psst. The zenith is coming. The most incredible life changing retreat in Sayulita, Mexico. That's right, the Zenith is coming. To learn more, head to www.theempowered.ca zenith. Learn more. It is life Chang. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now, your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. Hello. Hello. I think we are on. Welcome to Mindset Monday. So I don't know about you, but I love the Olympics. And I know that this topic I've seen over and over. For those who want to make it to the Olympics or have worked an entire sport career for the Olympics, this topic today also applies really well to business, to families, to anything that you really want to have happen in your life. Some sort of outcome, some sort of goal in your life. So what our topic today is called outcome Attachment. This is all about what gets in the way of the outcome you want. Because whether we like it or not, we end up becoming really attached to something that we really want. But attachment isn't just going for a goal, really wanting a goal, really working hard for it. The attachment that causes a problem and is when we really want something. But it's not just about a want anymore. We start to feel like we need that. We start to identify with the outcome in a way that if we don't have it, that our worth is gone, that we don't feel valuable. So I'm going to give you a few ways that you can identify this so you know whether you're starting to get to a place that just isn't working when it comes to the attachment that you have for an outcome. So it looks like this. First of all, if I think of a bunch of athletes that I've worked with and private clients in business as well, there might be an income earning goal, there might be an Olympic goal, there might be a medal goal. But when or if that person doesn't achieve it on the timeline they want, or maybe they don't achieve it at all. I've seen people drop into awful states and maybe even depression because their worth was so tied to that particular goal or that particular outcome. And that would be an example of outcome attachment where it's an unhealthy attachment that doesn't hold perspective. So how do we know when we are attached to the outcome? How do we know? And also what's the solution for an attachment outcome or outcome attachment? First of all, number one, when we want the outcome, but also feel that we need the outcome, not just a want, not just a goal, not just something we're aspiring to, but we need to have it. That need is that that primary characteristic of knowing that you have this outcome attachment there. Number two, we're unable to see any alternative outcomes as anything positive. So even if we've looked at alternative outcomes that this happens or it doesn't happen or maybe something different happens, those alternative outcomes just seem awful compared to the one we want. We can't see any other outcome as a positive scenario. That's number two. Number three, we feel that less attachment lessens the motivation for the goal. We actually like the fact that this attachment is there. It can only be this outcome, no outcome but this outcome. We use that attachment as motivation and that it's all or nothing. If this doesn't happen, nothing else can happen. And number four, we change our own personal standards or rules to accommodate the outcome we think we need. In other words, where we might have had a standard that we would never do this particular thing, we start doing that particular thing because the outcome has become so important. We've become so attached to it. So those are four ways you can see whether you are attached to the outcome or not. So I want to dive into this a little more personally Because I experienced this myself on a personal level Going through a real estate purchase. And this purchase, I was very emotionally attached to this entire camp that I'm actually in right now that I wanted to purchase this really badly. And I wanted to do something with this camp for over 20 years and for over 10 years was trying to actually make something happen with my own money, with my own time, but it just wasn't working out. Finally it came to the point where in order for me to do anything with this camp, I had to buy it at fair market value. And so that was no problem. I thought that, you know, we put a lot of hard work in, saved our money, moved some things around, made some sales, and finally went to purchase the property. And in doing so, it took six several months of negotiating, negotiating, negotiating details and access and negotiating price. All of these things were happening over several months. And it looked like it was going to go through everything. Seemed like it was going really well. But along the way, I also noticed how intensely emotional I was becoming over whether things were working or not working towards the outcome of purchasing the property. And then I noticed that, especially when finally there was a deal breaker, there was something that had happened that was added at the last minute that wasn't part of our agreement, wasn't part of our contract, this last thing was added in and it was a something I didn't agree with. And that was the point where I realized that I was going to be changing my rules, changing my standards in order to agree or push this deal through. And I wasn't willing to do that. I had to take a hard step back and see how attached I was to everything and then take a real look and go, okay, well, what if this doesn't happen at all? What if I never go there again? What if it's just the whole deal falls through? And when I looked at it from that point of view, I realized that I was going to be okay, my family was going to be okay, my business was going to be okay. And even if it wasn't okay for a while, it was going to be okay. And in getting that perspective, I took a step back and decided that whether it goes through or not, I'm not going to be attached to this outcome in it having to happen that this deal has to proceed and it has to get finalized. In fact, I got to the point where, well, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Now many of you might think, well, of course that's the best way to go. But if you've ever felt really attached to a specific outcome, you'll know that you cannot see it in those terms. In that moment, you are very, very focused on only one outcome. But once I took a step back and realized that I don't want to change my standards and I don't want to compromise my values, and yes, of course I really want this outcome, but if it doesn't happen, that's going to be okay. And that's the point that I got to. In order to be able to feel really, really good about whatever happened, whether it went forward or it didn't, it was all going to be just fine one way or another. So as an alternative, as a possibility, as a step to not become really attached to the outcome, the alternative is to become attached to the process. Being attached to the process has you allow yourself to go through the step by step to have the greatest likelihood to get to the outcome that you want. So being attached to the process has three main steps. Number one is following and focusing on the process that will lead you to the result that you want. That's number one. Always those types of actions are always going to be what's going to make the result most likely. Number two, look at the worst case scenario, oftentimes we put the blinders on to only the one option of seeing the outcome happen. But without looking at the worst case scenario, we don't build our resilience emotionally to what happens if we don't get the result that we want. We can look at the worst case scenario and play it out in our minds in a way that that has us more resilient but also more being stronger toward whatever happens, being stronger in any case scenario. And number three, take the actions that make the outcome most likely without compromising your standards or values. And you can be in massive action for this. Really taking whatever action is necessary and staying in alignment with who you are and who you want to be for your future. And that is how you stay in that attachment towards the process instead of the attachment only towards the outcome. These three steps are going to have you stay on track not only for your now vision, but also for your next vision and also for for that far vision. The far vision is the outcome you're really going for and in that whole process, not lose your alignment with your values, not make your standards lower or settle for anything that's below what your outcome or your result that you really want to have. And if it doesn't happen, you've already gone through the worst case scenario. If it doesn't happen, you're going to be okay one way or another. You because you've kept with your alignment and because you know that you're fine whether it happens or it doesn't. And keep in mind that even if it does happen, you can still become unhappy. Don't think that your happiness hinges on the outcome that you really want. You can have that outcome happen and become unhappy. You can have the outcome not happen and still become unhappy. And you can be happy. Either scenario too. That's going to be up to you. The outcome doesn't determine that. So I hope this serves you for Monday and really leads you powerfully into your week. Take a look at areas where you can be really attached to the process that's going to lead to what you want versus attached to the outcome in a way that compromises who you are or who you want to be. So step into this. Have a beautiful week and hopefully you are excited experiencing some Olympic fun this week. Have a wonderful day everyone. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team runs year round. It is our group coaching and accountability program where we take mindset and physical performance concepts and break them down to usable action steps that that optimize results. To learn more about our Empowered Leadership Coaching for business, our custom online physical training plans, and of course, the Empowered Team Group coaching, head to www.theempowered.ca empowered learn more. That's www.theempowered.ca. empowered learn more. Sam.