Mindset.Monday - Relaxing Resistance

This is episode 225 of the Empowered Team Podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast, where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now, your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. Welcome. Welcome to Mindset Monday. In today's episode, we are going to dive in and discover the three steps to relax resistance and move forward from those circumstances that we really don't like. You know, when you get really upset about something that happened, and we're so upset about it that it stops us from finding the solutions that perhaps we could see otherwise, and it gets us stuck. So today, relaxing resistance. I'm going to give you an example here. I was traveling and I had a trip that was planned for many, many months, and it was this trip to the Bahamas with a group of people, and it was going to be this magnificent thing. And. And I went and it was awesome. And on my way back, it was a very intense week, lots of activities, and on my way back, I felt tired. I. I went to the airport, got on my first flight, and I thought, wow, you know, that was a really intense week. It was awesome. I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked, but just fantastic. And I'm in the airport wearing my mask. I go on my first flight, get to my layover, and then get to my second flight. But right before I was getting on the flight, I talked to Paul and I said, you know, I'm just. I'm so tired. I'm so looking forward to seeing you when you pick me up from the airport. I can't wait. We're going to have a good week together. Before, I was going to head to way up north in Dryden with Maeve, and she was going to come with me early and we were going to go and start with. Going to start to do some of the work that needed to be done on our camp restoration project, Wickcliff Lodge. And I said to him, but I'm just feeling really exhausted. And he's like, oh, don't worry, you'll get some rest when you get here. And I'm like, yeah, no problems. And I'm about to get on the flight, this second flight to Toronto, and I'm just feeling kind of. Kind of warm. And I've thought, oh, you know, maybe I'm just. I gotta. I've got layers I gotta peel off. By the time I got to Toronto and Paul was picking me up, I felt like I might have a fever. By the time we got home, I had A full on fever. And by the time the next morning came, I tested positive for Covid. Now, most of us have had some sort of dealing with COVID by this point where either a family member or yourself or whoever might have had some experience with it. But what was really upsetting for me is that I had already delayed going up north for this project by a month because I was so, so important for me to stay behind for my daughter's graduation from university. And then so what I was going to do originally when we didn't know if there her per. If her graduation was going to be in person or not, I was going to head up north at the end of May, bring Maeve with me. She could do online school and start the work that needed to be done, which became much more urgent because there was flooding. So the entire half of the property had flooded, there was dock damage, there was all kinds of issues that came with that and I needed to deal with the flooding. But if I had to choose between dealing with that flooding or making my daughter's graduation, once we learned that it was going to be in person, then the easy choice was making my daughter's graduation. So originally when I thought it might be online, I was going to head up north and then fly to the trip that was planned from Winnipeg or from being up at the, at the construction site. So all this was planned out. And when I realized that I was getting off the plane, my and, and I felt like I had a fever and then I tested positive, my heart sank. I was so upset because not only was this key time for me and my husband to be together and I was about to go away again, but I had to quarantine. I couldn't get on the road as quickly as I'd like to. I, I had all kinds of appointments that I needed to make sure that I met and I had been away the prior week. So it was just a real problem for me in my head and I obviously had Covid, so I was feeling like crap. So here's the thing. The topic here is relaxing resistance. And the reason is, is that when we're resisting reality, in this case, I'm resisting and angry that I have Covid, then it causes so much more angst, pain, emotional distress than we would have had just in accepting the situation. Now I'm not saying that, you know, an awful situation is going to be thrown at you and you're just going to be able to accept it, no problem. Away we go. There's space for being upset about it. However, when we keep making the situation wrong over and over. It simply perpetuates the thing we don't like. So here are three steps we're going to dive into in order to actually relax the resistance to get through the thing we don't like, the circumstance that we don't like faster, and get through it in a way that's more allowing than if we are going through this process of resisting reality. Because that's what's happening is we're resisting reality. And we'd like to relax that resistance. So here's how. So first of all, the resistance to reality is fighting what is happening and actually spending time making something wrong that is out of your control. So that's how I would define resistance to reality is fighting what is happening and spending time making something wrong that is out of your control. So now what we want to look at is how to relax this resistance. So, number one. And there can be an acronym here, D A dad. So number one is distinguish between thought and fact. So the D is distinguish between thought and fact. So when I look at this scenario, I had a lot of thoughts. Thoughts like, I'm losing so much time. I can't deal with the flood damage up north. This sucks. I don't want to get them sick. I'm so exhausted. I feel like such crap. I'm not negative. I haven't tested negative yet. So those are all kinds of thoughts that were going on in my head. And there were so many more than just those. Yet the facts look more like I tested positive for Covid. That's a fact. I could prove that in a court of law. Another fact would be I'm quarantined for five days, five days or more until I test negative. So that would be a fact. I'm quarantined for that amount of time. Or the fact would be I have quarantined for one day or whatever had happened, whatever could be proven in a court of law. Another fact, I have a fever. I could prove that with the amount of numbers, the quantification on a thermometer. So here's another one. I can't be with my family. That's not a fact, It's a thought. So that would be one that seems like a fact, but it's a thought. I could be with my family, and there would be some consequences. And the consequences would be that I could get them sick. But that's not a fact. The fact is I could be with my family. I've chosen not to be with my family. I am quarantining so the first D is distinguishing. Distinguishing between thought and fact. The second. The second step is accepting. It's a. A for accepting and accepting the facts. So the reason we distinguish between the thoughts and the facts is that so many times it's confusing. We think that one of our thoughts is a fact. So one of the thoughts that I gave you there was, I can't be with my family. Well, that sounds like a fact. Well, you have Covid. It's not a fact. The fact is I could be with my family. I've chosen not to be with my family. I've chosen to quarantine. So that would be the fact. The other facts would be very clear that I have a fever, that I tested positive for Covid on this type of test. Those are the facts. So when I look at number two, the a, the accept. Accept the facts. The challenge there is to have done a really great job at distinguishing between thought and fact. And that is where we really gain a lot of ground and go, okay, this is where I'm adding so much more to the situation. Because the facts, there's only. There's very few facts in the situation. The fact that there's a fact that there's flooding in on the construction site. There's another fact that I have Covid. There's a fact that I've tested positive. There's a fact that I have fever. But other than those key facts, there's not a lot of other. A lot of the. Most of the rest of the sentences are thoughts. So accepting the facts, allowing myself to just accept and perhaps heal in that situation instead of making the situation wrong. By accepting and allowing, I've opened more space. So number three is the D for decide. Decide what you have control over, decide what you have no control over, Some control over and complete control over. So these are three categories that can really help in a tough situation that we have a lot of resistance around. There's certain things we have zero control over. There's things that we have some control over, and there's some things that we have complete control over. And when I look at this, I could not control that I had Covid, but I could take some steps to heal. I have some control over my healing. Maybe I have complete control over my healing. I'm not clear on that one. But I have complete control over myself. I have complete control over things like expressing my love to my family. We did that in Paul and I closed our eyes and had a virtual hug. So he was about, I don't know, six meters away from me. And we closed our eyes and just imagined hugging each other and stood in that moment because it was really hard. I had been away. I was about to go away again. And he was distraught. He was missing me, I was missing him. And I was sick and he couldn't be near me, he couldn't touch me. He could have, but there were consequences to that because within the household was my. My mother in law with Alzheimer's. So I was trying to keep him safe from COVID my daughter safe from COVID and my mother in law safe from COVID And so it meant the people that I was trying to protect. I really wanted to be hugging my husband. I really wanted to be holding my daughter. There was just. It was painful to be in that environment, especially when I hadn't seen him for over a week or my daughter for over a week. And then I was about to leave with my daughter after I got better to head up north. So it was really challenging situation. But I could have some control over. I had complete control over staying away from them physically aiming to go to bed at a certain time. I had some control over the quality of sleep I would get. I had complete control over what appointments I would take, whether I read or not. I could choose to take an appointment if I felt ready or choose to stay very relaxed about whether that was going to happen or not and keep people informed so that I could make adjustments as needed. So those are some of the things that I could do. So how to really relax. Resistance can be used in any situation. This can be used in a situation that you know. You have a family member in a disagreement or there's a breakdown with a business thing or a car. A breakdown in almost anything that you find yourself fighting. What's happening, spending time making it wrong, and it's out of your control. So use these three steps, dad. Distinguish between the thought and the fact. Accept the facts as facts. And three, decide what you have no control over, Some control over and complete control over. And once you have clarity on those three things, the things you have complete control over will then take you forward in a way that you can make a difference for. For your next steps. You can find the solutions and you can decide. And then you're going to feel like you've got personal power and you've relaxed all that resistance, and you're going to feel like you can actually take steps forward. You're not going to be fighting the current reality and find yourself spinning and stuck. All right, so that is your mindset. Monday Use these tips. Use these steps to move forward in whatever area that you're stuck in and have a fantastic rest of your week. Go get it. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team is our group coaching and accountability program where we provide the tools, skills and community for you to grow your self mastery as a leader and optimize your results alongside other leaders. 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