Mindset Monday - They are wrong about you!

This is episode 205 of the Empowered Team podcast. The Zenith is back. The most amazing retreat that really dives in to getting you to your next level physically, mentally, spiritually. We have leased out a five acre oceanfront gorgeous spot in Sayulita, Mexico and it is time for you to dive in and change your life. And I don't mean there's anything wrong with your life. I mean up level, expand, make it what you really want. The Zness is coming end of February this year. We'll tell you more. We just want you to know ahead of time, save the dates. Welcome to the Empowered Team podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. Foreign. Welcome welcome to Mindset Monday. We are back with another episode to give you the tools to manage the mindset that you really want to get the results, the outcomes that you want in your life. So today we are talking about they are wrong about you. Essentially other people's opinions that are actually erroneous. So they are wrong about you. This is one of those things that I find for myself and some of my clients that some energy is wasted on someone else's opinion that might not be accurate and there's not much you can do about it. Or there could be some things you could do about it. Let's take a look. So for example, they think you can't do something. They think you're not capable of something. Perhaps they treat you like you're younger or older than you are. I've heard these complaints before. They assume you have no money or lots of money. They don't take you seriously or sometimes they take you too seriously. You were just kidding around. So these are just a few examples. If it's something that you don't care about. So someone else's opinion about you that doesn't matter to you. So say they think that your feet are big and you don't care. If they think your feet are big, then it's no big deal. But if it's something that you do care about, then it can really become an energy drain. If you're spending this energy wanting them to think something differently about you. You know, I remember a time when my mother in law didn't like me and at that time I really wanted her to like me and she thought certain things about me and I wanted her to think differently about me. And it was really challenging for me because I thought she was wrong about what she was thinking about me. But it was a hard thing to navigate. So I'll give you a few examples, real life examples. Let's think of a little tiny kid who was, back in the day, continually picked last for team sports. And they knew that they were capable of doing that sport really, really well. But everybody else thought that they wouldn't be very good. So you can imagine as this kid gets older and they get better and better and better, and they're the small kid on the team with the most talent. They're the kid that plays differently because they can move differently. But no one could ever see that in the beginning. But they actually worked hard and they had it. So consider. And at the same time, this kid develops a chip on their shoulder, a little bit edgy, a little bit angry. Consider a businesswoman whose accountant says to her, no, you know, you and your husband have done great in business so far. Don't start that other business. And she's determined to go out on her own and start a business. And the accountant just keeps placating her, basically telling that she's fine where she is and this isn't a good idea. And he's not even going from the numbers. He's going from his opinion. Or consider a. This is something that happened to me in high school. I looked the part for a cheerleader. So a number of people in high school always thought I was on the cheerleading team, but I wasn't. I was captain of the soccer team. I had nothing to do with cheerleading. I had never done cheerleading. I was never on the team, but a number of people thought I was because I looked the part. Some of my friends were on the team. I hung around with them. So that could have been an influencing factor as well. However, I wasn't, and it didn't bug me so much. But it did a little bit, because that wasn't my identity. I didn't see myself as a cheerleader. I saw myself as a soccer player. Consider another vision of a person who's a really big guy, really solid, muscular, big head, shaved beard. You can see this guy. And in university or in a university setting, he'd sit in classes and no one would sit near him. And he'd have a hard time getting partners in group projects because people were intimidated by how he looked. And yet he had a heart of gold and loved being around people. But the way he looked sent a message to people that they assumed he was either intimidating, maybe a jerk, maybe even mean. But those were none. None of those things were true about this person. So assumptions are typically Based on things like looks, gender role, rank, environment. All of these things have us make these assumptions about other people and put the judgments in our mind based on our past history or our past exposures to other people that might have looked like that, for instance. And what it does is it filters everything that we're receiving. And we all have these filters. We're already making prejudgments, pre assessments, assumptions. So consider I saw recently a person who was on a beach, and they were topless, and they were a woman. And this was not a nude beach or a topless beach. So I watched this scenario unfold. And I could see around this one area, there would be where I was sitting, I could hear some guys approach, and I could hear them talking and making a comment or two. And they just kind of stand there and sit. So I started trying to figure out, like, why. Why are they standing in that spot? They weren't looking at me. They weren't looking in my direction. I felt comfortable, and I watched where they were looking. I listened to what they were saying. And I could see, just a little ways from me, a woman and a man and another woman. And one of the women had their bikini top off. Now, I pondered this because I got to observe the people who are watching. I could see the older couple kind of look. I could see some comments being made because it wasn't expected on this particular beach. But I also noted what I started to assume about this person. I started to assume that. That they were perhaps confident and young and maybe trying to live big. But the reality was, is I knew nothing about this woman. She could be a, you know, corporate rock star or a mom getting away for the first time from her kids. Now, granted, the boobs didn't look like she was a mom. But anyway, the point is, is that in that. In that anonymity that she had, she could have been doing something the complete opposite of what she would normally do. But her gender, her behavior, and the environment had other onlookers make assumptions about that person. Maybe she wanted these assumptions, maybe she didn't. But if she didn't, she would have to take into account that her behavior and her look would cause some of the assumptions to be made. And that would be her taking responsibility for where she is versus what other people might assume. So consider that if they are wrong about you, this isn't a them problem. It's a you problem only if it's a problem for you. So if they're wrong about you and you don't care, then it's no big deal. But if they're wrong about you and you do care, what we tend to do is act as though they should be thinking differently than they are, behaving differently than they are, or believing something different than they do about you, when the reality is they don't have to do anything one way or another. The fact that we don't like what they think is a me problem, an us problem, or a you problem. It's not a them problem. What I mean by that is that we can't control their thoughts. We're completely in control of our own. And when they're thinking something about us that we don't like or making assumptions about us that we don't like, it causes more problems for us, and they don't have a clue. It's not like we owe it to them to make it a problem for them. And that is acting as though we have a chip on our shoulders. So there are a few steps that we can all take in this to really go through accepting that it's okay that they're wrong about you. And that's Number one is accepting that they can be wrong about you and it's okay. People can have their own opinions, think what they want to think, and have their own experience of life that influences those thoughts that's different than your own, and that's okay. People come from different cultures, backgrounds, people immigrate to different countries, and all sorts of trouble can come from assumptions. And if we can just allow people to think what they want to think and know that we can't control that, then that can be okay. Just accept that they can be wrong about who you are, what you do, what you believe, what you're capable of. They can be wrong about all of that, and it's okay. Number two is decide if you want them to know more about you or not. This is the situation when they're dead wrong and you know they're dead wrong because something has happened. Maybe they've said something and they're completely wrong about what they said about you, and that's okay. However, this is the moment where you decide if you're going to have them understand more clearly about you. Maybe it's your skill set, maybe it's a belief they have about your beliefs. Maybe it's a religious thing, maybe it's a work thing, maybe it's a age thing. It really doesn't matter. But whatever it is, this is the moment where you decide, do I really want them to know more about me? Do I want them to know more of the truth about me or not. So it's a yes or no question. If it's no, move on and stay in your own lane. It doesn't matter if they think differently about you than you want them to think about you. So if it's a yes, then if you decide to correct what they're saying or thinking or educate them, do so with respect. Because typically whatever they've thought that's wrong is done from a place of simple ignorance. They just didn't know any better. And in that case, then you can simply either correct or educate with respect if that is what they would like. And sometimes they don't. And if they don't, that's okay too. So wanting them to see you the way you want them to can be a complete waste of time. And we don't want to waste our time. Time is our most valuable resource. Further, living with this anger or resentment that they don't see you a certain way is destructive to yourself, not anyone else but yourself. And lastly, when we spend our energy thinking about their perception, we start to actually adjust our own behavior to try and prove what we really are and prove who they should think that we are. And it can become very forced, inauthentic, not who we really want to be. So consider that people can be wrong about you. People can be wrong about what you're capable of, who you are, what you do, what you believe, what your background is, and it really doesn't matter. It only matters if you make it matter and you really don't have to. So always go back to number one, accepting that they can be wrong about you and it's okay. Number two, decide if you want them to know more about you or not. And if not, move on. And if yes, stay respectful. And that is how we can live authentically, in alignment and freely without letting other people's opinions bog us down. So that's it for your Mindset Monday. I hope you can join in on our Empowered Team calls and become part of our team. And keep stepping into your best. Use your mindset, power up with your Mondays and step into your week as your best. Have a beautiful day everyone. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team runs year round. It is our group coaching and accountability program where we take mindset and physical performance concepts and break them down to usable action steps that optimize results to learn. Learn more about our Empowered Leadership Coaching for business, our custom online physical training plans, and of course the Empowered team group coaching. Head to www.theempowered.ca empowered learn more. That's www.theempowered.ca Empowered learn-more.