Mindset Monday - Through the eyes of a coach

This is episode 135 of the Empowered Team Podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast, where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now, your host, Vitaldi and peak performance coach, Kari Schneider.

So if we're looking through the eyes of a coach, what does that mean? I'm actually asking us to look through the eyes of a coach at ourselves. So the concept is, have you ever screwed up, messed up, not finished the things you want to get done in the day, and then you are left looking back at your day and beating yourself up and giving yourself crap and thinking how you did wrong or whatever you did. And from that space, then you start taking action forward, trying to fix whatever went wrong and either rescheduling or planning a different plan. And it's from one of the worst spaces you can possibly go forward from. And I'm going to tell you why. I looked back. I started reflecting a bit lately, and it's because I'm building a website and I was starting to get testimonials. It was such an uncomfortable process because I'm building this website, I'm asking clients for testimonials from the work that I've done with them. And I've never felt good about asking for that, but it's had me really reflect back on how they experience the process of being coached. And I remembered when I was several years ago, when I was first being coached and when I was being coached, I was. I remember this time I was belligerent, I was angry, I was upset about something in my family. I don't even remember what it was, but I was on the phone with this coach and all I could think of was that nobody, she didn't understand me. Nobody understood me. I had a baby, I was running a business, I have four kids. I was up to my eyeballs and all of the things, and I just was not functioning very well. And she stayed on the phone and she was tough and she held space for me and she moved me forward. And I couldn't stop succumb to the story I had in my mind that she doesn't get me because of all the kids, because she had a business and she had six kids. So it really humbled me, but also empowered me in such a big way to move forward from where I was stuck. And I loved that. And it brought that back to me when I was reflecting lately. So in asking some people for a testimonial, I'm going to read you one line from a testimonial that I got because it allowed me to learn so much from this line. This one athlete, he came to me and he had had tons of knee pain. He had seen several doctors. They'd all told him he was probably going to have to stop his sport and stop being active and doing the things that he normally did. And he didn't want to hear that at all. So his line in this testimonial was, in my first 15 minutes with Kari, I felt like she understood me as a person and as an athlete better than many people I've known my whole life. Now when I read that, I was like, boom. It hit me. But I had no idea. This was years ago. I had no idea that that was his perspective, but I understood that because I felt that with other people before. But the big thing was, is that he needed that at that time. And I could give that because I had that experience in that time. But the bigger picture was that he had the confidence that I could take him where he needed to go. Now I went through, and there's a few different. Few different perspectives that I was looking at and trying to learn from and trying to understand. And another one was from a client who's a business client. And she had. She'd been with me for a number of years, and she had gone on a retreat we'd done in Mexico, and she reflected on this. She said, you told us what would happen after the first two days, and we didn't believe you. And then we saw it go down in each person's own way. And what she's talking about was at the beginning of this retreat, I told her, everyone's so freaking excited. We're in the tropics, it's gorgeous out. We're gonna go and run and train and do all the amazing things. We're gonna eat well. We're working on mindset, we're working on physicality. We're doing all the things, and everyone's excited to be there, and it's awesome. And I said to them, I said, this is what our schedule looks like. This is how it's gonna. And everyone sees it and they're excited. And then I said, by day three, you're all going to hit a wall. Because I've run lots of training camps for high, high performance athletes. I said, by day three, you're going to hit a wall, and it's not going to be pretty. You're each going to handle it in your own way, and we're going to still move forward and it's going to be okay. And they all kind of nodded and didn't think of it. And then each and every one of them went through their own thing. Some of them got angry. Some of them had a meltdown. Some of them wanted to retreat and be alone and. But it all happened. And she reminded me, in reminding me of that scenario, she reminded me of how it went down and how we held space, how I held space for them and how they held space for each other, and how it was all okay. There was nothing. Nothing wrong with it. And that's the situation that we don't do for ourselves. We don't do that thing for ourselves. In being able to hold space for whatever's going on, be okay with it, and still be so freaking committed to the direction that we want to go. And that's what it's about. It's being committed to that direction that you want to go. These stories may all sound fine, but for me as a coach, the way I've been able to improve and help people more is by practicing that on myself, by allowing myself to look through the eyes of a coach back at me in the areas that I've screwed up, in the areas that I'm failing, in the areas that I want to move forward so badly, but it's not working. And so I've come up with a few questions, and I've come up with a few attributes that I think will really serve you to be able to look back at yourself through the eyes of a coach, through someone. If it was me, if it was somebody else watching you do what you're doing, failing or succeeding, or whatever you're doing, and look through the eyes of the coach. So here are the questions that I hope will serve you in a way that for being able to reflect on what worked and what didn't work, and I can tell you, I tangibly use this every day in the days that I have. Every day I have my day scheduled. By the end of the day, I reflect back on the three things. There's always three things in the day that I really have as a priority, as an importance to get them done. And when I look back at them, I used to look back on that three from a place of if it didn't work or it didn't go well, or even if it did happen, it wasn't good enough. And now I look through the eyes of the coach, and these are some of the questions that I ask and some of the things I'm looking for, because this is how I practice being a coach. Every single Day number one, it didn't get done. Let's say that's the scenario. Then we move forward and we can ask the questions, what needs to happen to complete this? Simple. But it shifts the brain away from making something wrong and looks toward what needs to happen to complete this. Is there something that I'm missing? Because if it didn't happen and I scheduled really well, then maybe I'm missing something. Because ordinarily that thing would have gotten done. If that's the example, getting something done, how can I plan for this success? Because oftentimes we're looking to achieve something. We're looking for something to happen, but we didn't set the groundwork, we didn't set the plan in a way for success to be inevitable. And that's what we want. We want a scenario where success is inevitable and it takes a solid plan in order to make that happen. And then six ways of being to be the person to look through the eyes of a coach. What does a coach see? What does a coach do? How are they being for the person they're coaching? Number one, trusting and being completely committed to the process. Being totally trusting of that process and so committed to it that that keeps going on. That's like following through with your schedule. Maybe you've scheduled so well and made such an amazing plan that it's just committing to that schedule, that process, whatever it looks like for. For you. Number two, seeing the big picture, not being so obsessed with that one thing that you can't move beyond it. Oftentimes it doesn't matter whether I'm coaching somebody on the phone, on their business, or coaching someone in the gym, if we get obsessed about that one thing that's not working, then it's very hard to move forward with function. So seeing the big picture, being able to step back and go, okay, this little thing, is it going to be critical for our success or can we move on and focus on a different thing if it's really not working? So seeing the bigger picture, that's number two. Number three is compassion and curiosity. Whenever you heard this from the first testimonial, I read that he felt understood. That's because I held compassion for his situation. I was curious to find out more compassion and curiosity for yourself. Holding that compassion and really looking to understand what's there for you, what's going on. Compassion and curiosity. Number four, a coach always has your best interests in mind. They're not raking you over the coals because it's going to be to make you feel bad. A coach doesn't push you hard or challenge you in order to make you feel stupid. A coach is always coming from a space of your best interest, knowing that this, whatever the process is, whatever the action is, whatever the way of being is, it's going to have your best interest, your best future going for you. The coach is always looking from that space. This is for you. It's not about the coach, it's for you. Your best interest in mind, that's looking through the eyes of a coach with that in mind. Your best interests is having that glass of wine, is ditching the schedule, is not calling the person. Are those things in your best interest? The next one, number five, love. Holding a space of love. And that was the hardest thing to do. Back on myself, looking through the eyes of a coach, back on myself from a space, space of love. And that's the biggest thing that has had me progress as a coach, is by me loving myself. I have so much more capacity to love and hold space for other people. So when you can look at what you've done, who you are, how you're being from a space of love that is huge in being able to move forward powerfully in the way you want to move forward now, sometimes it's tough love and that's okay. But it's the kind of thing that no matter whether it's tough love, love, whatever it is, you're holding that space of love for yourself. When looking through the eyes of a coach and last one is honesty, you're not messing around by telling yourself lies, stories, or if you're coaching someone else doing that, you're coming from a space of honesty because that's what someone else deserves. They deserve the truth. They deserve honest feedback. They don't. They can handle honest feedback. Sometimes we want to sugarcoat things to save someone's feelings, but that's not doing that. What it's doing is diminishing them. By being honest with someone and giving them honest feedback, what that does is hold them into their power, that they can handle it, that they deserve to know the truth, that that's what's going to be what brings them forward, forward. And when you're still in that space of love and compassion and curiosity and seeing the big picture, when you're in that space, they can tell. So it's okay to receive that honesty. And that's what you give to yourself. When you're looking through the eyes of the coach, when you are reflecting on anything that you've done, any progress, you've made, any failures you've had and you look back, look through the eyes of the coach from these attributes, from these questions, from this way of being so that you can move forward powerfully. I hope this serves you. Pick one of those things, one of those six things and practice it today. It's not just to hear it, it's to practice it. That's what gets you moving in the direction you want to go. I'm sure something landed there for you. Pick the thing, doesn't have to be all of the things. Pick the one that lands for you the most. Practice it, try it out. See what it looks like.

Play big out there.

It's a big world. You've got lots going on. Love to you and have a fantastic freaking week.

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