Mindset Monday - Why Stages of Change Get Stuck

This is episode 221, the empowered team Podcast. Happy, happy New year. Welcome to 2023. And we know you are people who take a lot of action. We do too. We're achievers, we're leaders. We love to serve other people. However, sometimes the actions that we're taking are not quite getting us where we want to go. They're really just keeping us busy. So join us for our Empowered Action Challenge. This is a free seven day challenge. Join us so that we can support you in taking the actions that are really going to make a difference in your life. And maybe they are inactions, maybe they are things you don't want to do and you need a little bit of accountability. Well, this challenge, Empowered Action Challenge, is accountability for leaders. So join us. It's free, it's seven days. It's going to be a whole lot of fun. We'll keep you accountable and get you really into that momentum so that you can stick with the actions that you really want, the ones that really matter. Join us. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. Welcome back to Mindset Monday. Here we are on another Monday, diving into a topic that I think is going to really make a difference for you in your life. So hang tight. I'm gonna tell you the three ways that you're holding yourself back in the stages of change. Because if you're growing, which I guess that you are, especially if you're listening to a podcast like this, when you grow, it requires a little bit of change. So what stops us from those stages of change and getting what we really, really want. So that's what we will expect explore today. But first I'm going to tell you what those stages of change are so you really understand where you are in that stage of change. Whether you are trying to implement a new meeting system in your business, maybe you want your team to meet in a certain structure or a certain format or certain time frames and that's something that you're implementing. Maybe you are creating a new sleep routine so that you get the hours of the sleep that you really really. Or perhaps you're changing your meals, your nutritional day to day patterns, maybe meal prep. So whatever it is, this I think will really serve you so that you can identify not only where you are in your stages of change, but what's holding you back. So I'll give you the three main things that hold people back. So first of all, what are the stages of change? This is what everyone goes through when they're trying to stop, stop something or start something. It's these five stages of change. You just may never have been aware of what they are or what stage you're at. The first stage is called pre contemplation. When somebody comes into this zone of stage, this is like. This is like a person who's a smoker and has no interest in quitting smoking. So in the foreseeable future, typically six months at least, the person who's partaking in whatever the behavior is has no interest in changing that behavior. So whether you have no interest in starting to work out or stopping smoking or changing a morning routine, that would be you in pre contemplation. You're just not even considering it. It's not there. The second stage of change is called contemplation. This is where you start to look at something in your life and you're going, ah, I think. I think I want to make a shift there. I think I want to make a change there. This would be me when I was. I have a sweet tooth. I like to say I have a sweet tooth and I like my sugar. But I find that in certain seasons of the year, especially say, oh, I don't know, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, New Year's, all of those, there's lots and lots of treats and lots of them that I really, really like. And then other parts of the year, maybe it's summer where there's ice cream or, or certain seasonal treats. And I started to realize that I didn't want to be intaking that much sugar. I didn't feel good if I brought in too much sugar. I knew it wasn't good for me and I just didn't want to be having that habit as much. So I was considering giving up sugar for spans of time. That would be me in pre contemplation. I wasn't sure quite when, but I knew that it's something I might want to do and I hadn't taken any sort of action towards it. And it was just something that I was considering that I don't want so much sugar in my life. That is pre contemplation. So then what happens in pre or, sorry, that's contemplation. After contemplation, there's a stage called preparation or determination. So typically I call it preparation. And the stage of change when you're in contemplation is now. It's that foreseeable future. It might be within six months. You could See yourself making that change. So within six months, I could see myself either reducing or stopping intake of sugar. But when you're in that third stage of change, which is called preparation, sometimes called determination, that's a stage where you're looking at potentially taking action within the next 30 days. And there are stages, steps that will need to be taken in order for the action to be taken. So that's the preparation. So preparation might look like, if I was in that sugar example, might look like taking the sweet things out of the house. It might look like preparing other foods that don't have sugar as replacement. So this is something that I actually did. I would go and make energy balls that didn't have any sugar in them, or muffins that were sugar free as well, and have those available in replacement of the dark chocolate covered almonds that I might eat or a cookie that I might eat. So I'd have things that were getting ready to take the action. Although I hadn't cut out sugar yet, I was in preparation. And that again, that preparation stage is typically 30 days or something within 30 days. And then the fourth stage stage of change is the critical stage of change. And it is action. Action is so powerful. Action is that stage where you're starting to do the thing. And this is where it's such a key time. Because the action stage of change is typically much longer than people think it's going to be. So action is six months. It can be shorter, it can be a short action, depending on the context. But for instance, if I was giving up sugar, I decided I was going to give up sugar for 3:30 days. So that was my action. My action was going to be a shorter stint. I knew what it was and it was 30 days. But if I wanted to give up sugar completely, it would have to be for about six months to still be in that action stage of change. Now that brings us to the last or sort of last stage of change. It's called maintenance. And maintenance is after the six months of action. And then you're in a stage where you have basically changed your behavior. You may have quit smoking, you may have implemented the changes in the meeting at work, you may have stopped sugar, you may have changed your sleep routine, but you've been in action in that same thing for six months. And now in the stage of maintenance, it's not as much of a challenge anymore. Usually when you're in action, it takes some level of willpower support, but when you're in maintenance, then it's more of who you are it's starting to be so much your routine that it's normal for you. People in this stage have this sustained behavior for long enough that they work to continue to create it and prevent any setbacks because they know they want this change change so much. They want to stay in this action so much that they don't want to have the setback. So they work to prevent any of the things that cause the setback. Now, that's the fifth stage of change. And this is where most people end. And that's why it's called the five stages of change. Now, sometimes there's. In some models of this, there's included what's called a sixth stage of change, of termination. And this is a stage stage where people have no desire to return to the previous behavior. There is. It is not who they are anymore. And this is what I would call a change in identity. Because they don't believe. They're not going to say, I am a smoker, but I quit. They're going to say, I'm not a smoker, because they identify with it. They have no intention of ever going back to it. It's not who they are. And this is a stage that's rarely reached because a lot of people stay in the maintenance stage. That's why it's called the five stages of change. And most people don't address this last part called termination. But it would be the holy grail of behavior change, because this would mean that you've changed so much that the old thing isn't something you'd even consider. So I threw that in there so you could really start to contemplate it. And that really means that the change isn't a change anymore. It isn't something that's a thing. It's just the way it is. And that's a really powerful step. So now let's take a look at what I promised, which is the three reasons that you aren't getting the results you want. And these are what I see the most often when people are going through change. Now, I have seen people going through changes and stages of change for over 25 years. And I've been lucky enough to be in support of that or coaching people through it. And so I see what holds people back now, number one is that people aren't in the stage that they think they are. Most people will say that I'm in action. If someone asks them, well, what stage are you in? They might say, I'm in action. I've started to work out. But what I see, if we're really going to define it scientifically. They're not actually in the action stage of change. What they might be really is in the preparation stage, stage of change. So for instance, someone might think they're in action on making those meeting changes, but the reality is, is that they're setting up the structure. They're communicating with other people what the changes are going to be. So they think they're in action, but the reality is, is that they're in the third stage of change. They're in preparation, they're not in action. And still until that meeting structure or that change of the meeting is in implementation for, for a span of time. Now, here's where this People really, really get stuck. They're not in what we would call massive action, which is taking the action that's going to get the result that you want. They're actually in passive action. The passive action is typically a preparatory action. If someone thinks that they're, they're really into their workout routine and they're doing a great job getting ready to get their shoes together and they're workout clothes and setting up the gym membership, those are great actions, but they're not actually doing the workout. So they're in preparation, they're not in action yet. And that's a key distinction that most people don't get because they're noticing that they're taking new actions and the new actions feel like they're in the action that they want to be. But they're not getting the results of the efficiency of the meeting or, or the burning of the calories or getting fitter in the workout. They're not getting the result that they want because they're taking lots of action, taking more preparatory action than they are actual action to get the results. So that is the number one reason that you're not getting the results that you think you should or the results that you want, even though you're taking some sort of action, is because you're in the stage of preparation. So number two, that you're not taking action long enough. If that meeting structure was put into place and it's been in place for a couple weeks, most people feel like, oh, you know, we're in action. This is great. We've implemented this new meeting structure. It's fantastic. Now, the magic number that I see over and over again with clients, with corporate leaders, with people that really are in action, is it's two weeks. Two weeks is the magic number. And I say two weeks is because that is the point when someone will typically Come to me and say something like this. Oh, I can't believe that I wasn't doing this sooner. I'm so glad that this, I do this now. I'm never going back to the way it was. Those old meetings just didn't work for us and this is the way it's going to stay. I had one client say to me, I'm so much more effective when I get my early morning workouts. This person, he worked out at 5am and when he got his workouts in and he was doing it and he was consistent, by two weeks in, he felt that he had made this change. This was powerful. He's never going to go back. That's how amazing it was in his life. And meanwhile, I'm reinforcing to him. Yes. And you have to keep going. You're two weeks in at this. Let's put this in perspective now. Over time then something changed. Maybe there was. Maybe there was a cold or the seasons changed. It wasn't as easy to get up as early because it wasn't light out. So something changed and then they weren't in action anymore. And that's where people get really hung up because they think that they're in action and that it's going so well and it's so smooth. It's exactly what they wanted. They can see the results coming, they feel motivated by it. But because it's been such a short term, they're not in a position to really have faced the things that will prevent them from having it be a full time or a consistent lifelong behavior. And so as soon as something comes up, that magical two weeks passes. Usually something in that third week or fourth week comes up that prevents them from continuing that behavior. And when that happens, then they stop the behavior. So it doesn't matter what it is, but typically around that time, it takes about that length of time for something to come in that's a disruption. So for instance, maybe one of the key team members in the new meeting structure was trained traveling and they're often the one to implement the new meeting structure. And then lo and behold, when they were gone or missed the meeting, the meeting either didn't happen or it fell back to the old routine because that's what was more reinforced and most people were familiar with. Same thing with the workout. The daylight hours change. Harder to get up at 5am and suddenly the person's sleeping in because of that change. So it just takes a bit of time for something to come in to disrupt that new action. And because the action is so new, it's easy to disrupt, which is the unfortunate thing. So really, and this is where the research comes in to create a habit. People like to say it's 21 days. It's not 21 days. The research shows that it's more than 21 days. It is from 21 to 360 something days. For a habit to be created. It depends on the individual that their upbringing, the context of the situation. There are so many factors that no, it's not just 21 days to create a habit. So in the stages of change, being in the action for six months is what gives somebody the ticket to really get to the next stage of change, which is maintenance. Now lastly, here's the third thing to get your foot off the brake for the changes that you want. And this is it. It is number three is that you're taking, taking the wrong action. So people want results, they're in stages of change. They may not even realize they're in stages of change, but they wonder why they're not getting the result that they want. And the fact is, is that they're actually taking an action that isn't the action that's going to get them the result that they want. So for instance, somebody might be doing intermittent fasting and they're sticking with that stage of change, but they're not getting the result because they wanted to use intermittent fasting to lose weight. But it's not the thing. It's scientifically shown to really have massive health benefits, but it's not necessarily the thing that's the key for weight loss. So someone can be in a situation of doing it yourself in order to save money, but then realizing that their time, what they really wanted, wasn't just to save money, but really to have the lifestyle or have the freedom. And they thought that saving money was what they want, but they're in an action of doing it themselves. But feeling really spent and burnt out, they would have rather just spent the money. So they might have been in the wrong action to get the result or the change or the overall behavior change that the person wants. So these are the top three things that I see over and over and over. And this is why that I love to say that it's not knowledge that is power. And you've probably heard this before, but what I like to combine is two things. It's clarity and action. That is power. Clarity plus action equals power. So this is where understanding where you are in your stage of change, understanding the three most prevalent reasons that hold people back from really getting through to a stage of maintenance or termination, they've changed that behavior completely, then you can actually have that clarity in order to take the action to get you the results that you want. So that is why I've created this mindset Monday for you. So get out there, get your clarity around that stage of change and get into the action that's really going to get you the result. So go for it. It's Monday. You've got a whole day and a whole week and a whole month to keep going towards it. You've got this if you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team is our group coaching and accountability program where we provide the tools, skills and community for you to grow your self mastery as a leader and optimize your results alongside other leaders. The Empowered Team runs year round to learn more about our leadership consulting for business and our Empowered Team Group coaching. Head to www the empowered CA empowered learn more. That's www.the empowered.ca empowered learn-more we can't wait for you to join us. Let's go.