Paul & Kari Unlocking Relationship Dynamics: Insights from Tony Robbins' Seminars

This is episode 274 of the Empowered Team Podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport, and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider.

Welcome. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast. I am so grateful to have my one and only my husband Paul on for this special episode. It doesn't happen, happen often, so it's a, it's a special episode and it's especially for the month of February and today. Paul, welcome. We are.

Thank you.

We are looking back at our top lessons from our two relationship trips. These are Tony Robbins relationship trips. There were epic events and we're going to recap our main takeaways so that everyone can kind of grab our main, our main key nuggets that we took from those major events.

Sounds good.

Amazing. Well, just just to give people a context for those of you who are watching the video, this was from this big, huge manual. And just for those listening, it is about an inch thick. This big manual from our last relationship trip in Hawaii in October of 2023. And this one that's about 2 inches thick, it's from the one in 2021 in Texas. And to give people a sense of this relationship trip, it's an exclusive event where Tony Robbins coaches and, and teaches only his mastermind group of platinum partners. So there's a select group of people there. It's a week long. We learn so much. And what is condensed into days is, is multiple experts, decades of experience and knowledge, and we are basically drinking from a fire hose for a week straight. And it's all on relationship. So that's, that's our relationship trips. We've done two of them because we didn't get it the first time. And, and now we're here to share some of our key takeaways. Do you want to kick it? What do you. What did you think about? What did you think about? You were keen on going to both of them, but what was.

Most excited about thinking about the first one, it wasn't going to happen. That was the weird thing. Is that right? We were supposed to be in Hawaii and because of COVID they weren't allowed to run it there. And they were scrambling and last minute Texas was open for business and I think Florida was probably open for business during COVID there, but they're the only two states that would work. And so they last minute switched us to Austin. So I remember being disappointed was, you know, it was our 10th anniversary trip, 11 going to, but wasn't that it.

Was our 11th anniversary, but we were, we, we couldn't do it in 2020.

Oh, yes.

It was closed and then.

Yeah, it was our. It was, yes, correct. So it was our 11th anniversary, but our delayed 10th anniversary celebration trip.

Yes.

And we thought, we're going to Hawaii and. Yeah, Austin. And Austin's great.

Yeah. Nothing against Austin.

Yeah.

When you're thinking Hawaii, Austin doesn't quite feel the same.

Yeah. So, yeah, so that was a little bit of a downer. But like you say, getting there, it's a special group of people. And it's not just, you know, sessions on relationships. They have all kinds of amazing activities to do as well. So, you know, we went horseback riding, we did shooting, we did eights, rowing. We did a whole bunch of great stuff out, you know, as a couple. And so my thinking back to that trip, the, the number one takeaway I had from the first relationship week was kind of a concept which had ripple effects everywhere. But it was all the teaching they did on masculine and feminine energy and polarity and that dynamic, and there was so much they covered on it. But that dynamic of just how it's always at play in a relationship between a couple or in other areas as well, but it was just. That one was just, you know, almost shocking to, to hear how is that play in the background all the time and not have realized it. I won't try to summarize all of it, but when I'm saying masculine, feminine energy, it's not male, female. It's that I as a male possess both energies. You as a female possess both energies. And at different times or in different situations, we will shift into one of those energies or away from one of them in a positive or negative way. There's, you know, positive elements, the masculine energy, or there's a negative way of, you know, the negative side of masculine energy. And just learning how that dynamic plays in a relationship and it just helped me understand you so much better and how I was, what energy I would be showing up with in certain situations. And the easiest example I can give, because we need an example here, I can't just talk theory, but you were a strength coach in a former career in a male dominated industry. You were dealing with a very masculine environment, a very aggressive, competitive, driven kind of atmosphere. And to excel in that environment, you needed to play with your masculine energy and use that to be dominant at times, to be, you know, alpha. And in certain situations. And so you naturally shift into that energy quite easily. And having, you know, been a single Moment having to do it all and run your own business. And so that tendency for you, when I come up against it, I shift more into sometimes a feminine kind of pleasing type mode of just saying yes and agreeing or things like that. And what was really wild to learn is how that basic dynamic which actually shows up a lot that you know, in this room of platinum partners where these are all very high performing driven people, both the men and women in the room that many of the women, I'm going to generalize, but overuse masculine energy at times to get what they want. And so they, they almost play in the masculine a lot. And so it rang true for you and how I think about you and the way you've operated and then just seeing how I would respond to it, not staying in my masculine, but in a healthy masculine energy, but just shifting to more of a unhealthy feminine energy of kind of pleasing and, and whatnot and just kind of going along for the ride or not speaking up for what I want. Just letting you plan things at home or kind of run the show and be in that doing. So we're dominating but just leading kind of mode. That what it actually was creating for you is, and this was the wild thing that was mind blowing is that it basically came down to that if a female senses in her male partner that she can dominate or lead that male, that it actually creates this kind of under layer of mistrust. And the driver there is that you think, okay, if I can dominate him or lead him or sway him, then so can another female. And that's a risk and a threat. And it's really primal and kind of just understanding how that then naturally has. You want to test your partner, your male, your. Your other half here and you know, show me that I can trust you. And the ways that you might do that that thing caused tension or something in a relationship just had me seeing how my way of placating or pleasing just how. Don't use the word damaging but just how, how it creates this weird dynamic that makes the relationship really strained at times where. And it's this loss of polarity that they talk about that that shift in energies creates a loss in polarity. And when you have polarity, things are fireworks and awesome. But when a partner shifting into an unhealthy masculine or feminine energy, then that just goes to the wayside. Sorry, long school there, but it was. But that whole concept and just how it kept showing up throughout the week and seeing, you know, oh, and there's that energy shift when There, it's happening here and it's just as mind blowing.

Yeah. And so, so that was the first thing I marked down that I was going to say as well. And to, to those listening, we, we separately decided what we wanted to share on this. We didn't come together and plan. We're, we're showing up here to share our own nuggets here without collaborating ahead of time. And that's the first thing that I wrote down as well was the masculine and feminine energies. And I would say just because a lot of people who haven't gone into this realm of, of learning, I don't want people to think that that one is dominant over the other masculine doesn't mean it's dominating over feminine and, and vice versa and whatnot. It's, it's, it's that when you said the. What did you say? You said the. When my masculine would come up and almost be dominated and you go more feminine feminine. It's not that. It's not that if, if I could dominate you. It's. If the female can manipulate the man. It's. It's that it's not necessarily a domination. It's that if she can manipulate the man or, or bend his will or then, then she feels that some other female may. And this is also unconscious. But, but one way or another, it was just very eye opening and I, I ended up standing up and saying, saying I think I'm really operating in the masculine at one point and got coached for several hours, unfortunately. And fortunately. So unfortunately for the, I guess the time frame or whatever, unfortunately for the, the, I mean, incredible nuggets and value that I got to have from. And the rest of the room as well. Because when one person gets coached and goes deep with Tony Robbins coaching you, everybody learns. There's just no way around everyone not seeing something for themselves or their relationship or so. So yeah, that, that was a big nugget. There are many, many nuggets I got from that coaching. And it changes all the time because memory is very, very malleable and. But that masculine and feminine came down to the crux of most things for me needing and having that pattern for so long. Even from my childhood, both of my parents encouraging more masculine traits versus more feminine traits and then that coming up into my career and then coming up into my marriage and that the wild part about it is that you were attracted to me as kind of a badass go getter, but also having that feminine side where I'm naturally feminine, but any of those characteristics and traits were really thwarted especially in the environments I had been in business and trying to be both mom and dad to my child and, and not wanting to show any level of vulnerability or, or any of the, the things that people might find attractive in a woman because then that could put me in a situation of vulnerability or not being especially around the number of men I was around. So it's just. Yeah, that, that for me too was very eye opening the masculine and feminine energies. And now in business I educate leaders on this so frequently because there are dynamics at play everywhere in the work environment, in people's marriages where these feminine and masculine dynamics, if it comes up into an unhealthy masculine just trying to, you know, bull in a china shop or overpower people or, or an unhealthy feminine where it's more manipulative or clingy or needy. Those things are showing up in everybody's lives and they're not, they're not serving relationships. They're not serving how we as humans have the potential to show up. So yeah, the second one for me was me being in mostly a masculine energy and I took away from that one just going okay, I have to, I started to explore all things feminine. Any doing my hair, doing my nails, more doing and, and not that those are necessarily traits of feminine, but they were, I was exploring, exploring with what would, what would I do to feel more feminine and I started to study other women and normally I just way more comfortable around men. So it, Well, I think, I think.

Just a word you might be looking for is that you were just expressing more feminine and that you had intentionally downplayed any of your feminine.

Yes.

In the work environment to, to just remain and because you wanted to be taken seriously, to be seen as completely professional and yes. Associated you know, expression with dress or yes. Various things that, that you couldn't do that.

Yeah. And, and I love that you say expressing more feminine because it's, it's, it's there. I am very feminine. It was just very thwarted. And and so I was not, I was not expressing as the wholeness of myself. You are naturally very masculine. And, and on the flip side, likely from your upbringing or different environments, there were certain scenarios that were very specific that had you become more feminine. That wasn't natural for you in certain scenarios. It just was a practice trait that served you at one point. And that's the, I think the truth for all of us. Any other ones for 2021 that really stood out for you?

Well, do you have one? Because I don't Want to steal another one of yours? A few.

Oh, oh, thank you. And ladies first. Is that the scenario? Are you being a chivalrous gentleman?

Technically, Ladies second, they're already gone. But yes. Ladies first. Second time around.

Yes, yes, thank you. I said the five archetypes, I think that. So this is. We had a presenter, her name is Carrie Davidson, and by the time this airs, I think we will have aired an interview with her. So the Five Archetypes is the book, and it's based on Eastern practices and beliefs. And it is. The five archetypes are simply wood, fire, metal, earth and water. And they archetype personalities based on these. These traits via a quiz that we all did. And when we did the quiz and you got your results and I got my results, we were both like, huh, holy cow, are you ever this. And turns out that I'm mostly wood and second, metal. And then. And those top two traits really indicate certain areas that we're really, really good at and other areas that we might struggle with. And when. When you saw yours and when I saw mine, I. We were both kind of going, oh, that's your metal or that's your wood or that's your. And then we had this, this bucket or this container or labeling system of being able to understand behavior that wasn't about making the other person wrong at all, but just more understanding them from a space of. This is what they have as some very prominent traits. And instead of being picky at. At how somebody does something, you're you as my partner. I could then see that, oh, this is his metal showing up in this situation where I tend to have less metal in this situation or this context, and he has more. So I can, I can. We can make a joke about it. I can embrace it. And it's less friction between the two of us and there's more understanding and grace between the two of us. So those five archetypes I found very helpful and I think they're. I think they're a great tool for anyone to use, even workplace couples, you name it.

Yeah, the. To help make it land a little bit. Wood for you is your dominant trait. And wood is basically, in a nutshell, get shit done. Go, go, go. Next, Next. Next. What's up?

You can't happen.

Constant moving. Yeah, it can't happen fast enough. And my most dominant is metal, which is almost perfectionist. It could be like anal retent. Yeah, but no, but it's kind of order and a little bit of logic and just deliberation and yeah, beauty Aesthetics, specificity. But I definitely heir to that. Needing order and just it's. It's a little bit slower but perfectionistic. Which, you know, if you do too much of it, it's a bad thing. But yeah. So when. And that can just create some frictions in a relationship. If one partner's go, go, go, let's get this done. The other one wants things a certain way or is more, you know, grounded in earth with water and you know, it's just understanding those ways of being of your partner and where that might cause an issue, it just helps you understand. So yeah, it was really cool.

The bizarre thing for you and me, I think, well, not bizarre but very interesting and helped me understand us better is that your number one and two are metal and wood. My number one and two are wood and metal.

So when play your wooden fire.

Pardon me? Yours is wooden fire.

Sorry, you. I thought yours was wood and fire.

I'm wood and metal number two. Oh and, but, but the thing is, is that what it allows is that when we clash, we really clash because there's going to be a wood coming up against metal. So it's your. If, if your wood is dominant in a certain area, then I'm. And I'm metal. Then we're. We're not seeing eye to eye at all in a specific context. But the beauty of it is that because it's. We have the same number one and two, they're just, they're just flipped in order. Is that I really understand when you're in wood or I really understand when you're in metal because I have that too. Those are my top two as well. And so when that's the case, it's. If we can get out of our own needs in the moment, then we can really empathize with the other person because we understand it so greatly. So those were really interesting to me. How about you?

Nice. Well, the other one I had for the 2021 trip were the three U's and three C's.

Oh, those are good.

I thought these were just awesome because they're simple. Something that's simple to understand is always a good thing. And the three use are the three things that you don't ever want to be doing that will have your partner, your woman feeling. The first you unseen, the second you not understood. And the third you unsafe. So if I'm making you feel unheard of, not understood. Unsafe.

Big red flags.

Not doing anything positive for the relationship.

Big red flags for the woman. Any woman. Any woman.

Yeah. And the, you know, that could be summarized in making you feel minimized or, you know, disregarded or not taking value or stock and what you're saying or just not hearing it. Being in my own head, being angry and so that you're feeling unsafe or, you know, just primal, you know, kind of things. Just understanding that if those. Any of those three things are coming up consistently, that it's a real problem and needs to be addressed. So I really like those because it just. It's really easy to apply them to almost any situation that, you know, there is a disagreement or just something was off. You can almost always chalk it up to one of those three pretty quickly and figure it out. On the flip side, for the guys, it's. You don't want to be made to feel criticized, closed or controlled by your partner. And that. I know that is true for me. I hate feeling any of those. That. That you aren't open to me, that. That you're closed. If I feel like you're shutting me out, that's bad. I don't like being criticized and definitely not controlled. So the 3. Use the 3C is really easy, but just so applicable to so many different scenarios that I thought it's pretty powerful.

Yeah. And they're so. They're easy to remember and for the most part, same letter, same. Just three of them. And honestly, I can't. It doesn't matter how masculine a woman is or feminine a man is or vice versa because it's just energies in everyone. I can't think of people that it doesn't apply to. It just. It really. It really tends to resonate for most couples. I love those. Yes, those are great ones. The last thing I had for 21 was the thing you already pointed to. And it was. It was testing the man for trust. So. So I'm just going to give an example without going further deep, more deeply into this. Let's say you and I have an argument. Not that I would ever do this. You and I have an argument. We seem to be. You open up and become very vulnerable in a certain space. Space. And you feel like, okay, this is what you're supposed to do. You're now not closing off to the relationship and creating more trust. And in that moment, the woman may then come in with a. Well, remember the time that you. Blah, blah, blah.

And yeah, Tony puts it right. In that moment where you finally been vulnerable, you have a little bit of a breakthrough as a couple, she kicks you in the nuts again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I. I thought. And this was. This is the thing. This is the test is the test. Can you hold your own? And this is that, you know, in the moment, especially if a couple is arguing, then it's this kind of, okay, now we're getting to a safer space. And then typically she. Sometimes he. But typically she will then test and go, oh, yeah, you're going to hold your own and be all. All conscious and aware and logical and supportive in this moment. Well, what if I say or do this? Are you still gonna. Are you still gonna be in your best right now? And so it's. It's typically, it's not done to, you know, no one's wanting to hurt their partner. I mean, well, maybe they are in the moment. Maybe they feel that way. They're in an emotional storm. However, this happens so frequently, even when we look back and go, why would I do that? And it's a very primal thing where women especially will tend to do that little. That little, you know, final dig, that final comment, that final nudge, that final push in order to test. Yeah, well, are you really going to stay this way? Are you really going to hold your own? Can I trust what you say? Can I trust that you're going to do this? Can I trust you? So that was very interesting for me to realize some of the. Some of the. These deeper workings that we're not really aware of.

So there just add something to that.

Yeah.

Remind me of. I didn't write this one down, but they had at both trips four ways to attract a man or a woman, and then four ways to keep a man or a woman. And the number one way for a man to keep a woman is that unshakable presence. So it's exactly what you're just talking about is passing those tests of no matter what she throws at you to test, do you love me? You just are there, you're present, and you're like, bring it on. You can say whatever you want. I love you. I'm not going anywhere. And. And just, you know, literally giving her your presence is the most power, the number one way to keep. If you are always that, then your woman will have that deep trust, that primal trust box checked. And it's a huge one.

And. And Tony would joke about this in. In saying, but I am present, you know, you know, yelling at her. And. And then he's like, but what she really wants is not just the connection. I'm connected with you right now. You could be connected with someone screaming in their face, but it's connected and calm to really have that presence. For.

Yeah, the unshakable part. Just the steady.

Yeah, yeah.

There.

Fabulous. Are you ready to move on to 2023?

Yep.

Let's go. Do you want to go? Do you want me to.

Yeah, I'll go. I'll go with my second one for 2023. Because it ties into what we're just talking about. Awesome. In those moments, this is just a real simple one, but such a. A big one for guys that we need to have awareness around is in those moments when you're coming to me with something, I need to be screaming to myself on the inside, don't fix it, don't fix it, don't fix it. Just listen and listen with empathy. That is what you're looking for when you're bringing something up. And as guys, part of the masculine energy and that thing is just, you know, a doing a fixing being that. And, you know, I imagine most of the guys listening to this. When someone comes to you with any kind of a problem, your instinct for sure is to start solutioning. And. Well, yeah, have you tried that? And that's not what you're looking for. You're looking to be heard and just understood and for me to understand your experience. And I could say, you know, are you interested in some solutions? I could bring up that, you know, I meant, do you want to go take the conversation that way? But yeah, yeah, it's the wrong thing to do. Just start spewing out, well, why don't you do this? You should do this. This will fix it.

Yeah.

And there's that amazing video that I know you've shared before with clients and.

Nail in the head.

Nail in the head. Yeah, just Google that and watch that video.

So good.

That idea. So well. But yeah, I'd written down, don't fix it. Listen with empathy.

So good. And. And honestly, because I was so masculine for so long, I. I then started to understand that I was doing that in so many relationships, doing the fixing and, and yeah, total, totally agree there. And I can't tell you how many. Most of my clients are men and how many men. I end up saying that same thing too. Just. Just let her get it all out. Wait till the balloon is out of air. Like, just let it get all out and then nod and then ask gently, just like you said.

But that presence like you're talking about, just be there, be present, be empathetic. Yeah.

So good. There's, there's. This is a general thing and I'm not going to be able to explain the whole thing, but it's the relationship life cycle, and it's broken up into seasons of spring, summer, fall, winter, and. And then there are a whole. A whole description of what occurs in these seasons of a relationship and really allows couples to identify, well, where are you in your season? And what I looked at, when we looked at that, I noticed that it was like we weren't necessarily exactly in the same season. To me, I might have been in a certain part of the season, and then for you, you might have been a little bit of a different part, and that could create some of our. Some of our conflict or some of our issues. If we're not either on the same page or working towards the same things, then we're, you know, then I have to back up or you have to go forward. So we're actually together in the same season of our. Our relationship and its energy. So that was an interesting part for me in the last.

I think another way to summarize it for listeners is just. It's almost a roadmap of a relationship of, you know, here's what various stages would look like or key events or things that you may go through as a couple. And.

Well, there was a. There's milestones. There's a specific roadmap as well. There's a whole different thing that's a roadmap. But this one was the Four Seasons. But there is a road map as well in that. In that. That he taught in that session. But it was. This was a. A separate one. Yes. We were at the same event, everyone. It's just that this is what happens with humans, is that we have different experiences completely. Yeah. Yeah. So that. That one for me, but I. I don't know. I thought it was interesting, but it's the kind of thing that I could see another. I could see a time or two again in order to learn more from it. And that's the other part about these two relationship trips, is that some of the. Some of the teachings are the same. And the second time going through them, I would get more. More out of it because it was like, oh, the first time I had to just familiarize with it or just understand the concept. And then the second time I understood the concept, but now I could actually see it in. In our context or my own life or things like that. So. Okay, we're gonna. We're on the last couple here. We want to wrap up here shortly. What do you got?

Yeah, my other big one, to the point you just made, was at both events, they did a session on kind of the Journey of A man. They also did that for women as well. And with the journey of the man, they use kind of a medieval metaphor of the various stages that a man will go through with the primary reason I think of. Of teaching it to be examining the phase that in kind of everyday lingo would be just called the midlife crisis, but which Tony calls the tunnel. And to quickly summarize this, you know, you start out as a young man, as a page, and you're just out there playing and getting to know the world. And then you graduate to being a knight. And there's different kinds of knights. You can be, you know, if you can be very driven and focused, you can be more of a playboy who's just into partying and that kind of a night. You know, there's a couple of different ways to spend your nights, pun intended. And then graduating to a prince and, you know, there's several kinds of princes. People. Some people are just happy to be a prince, but again, there's. Some people are certain super driven and want to make it to what the end of the stages are, is to become a king. But in between transforming from prince to king, there's a period they call the tunnel, which is somewhat like the midlife crisis, but it's you. You reach a point where when you're looking in the mirror, you are thinking about your age, you're looking at yourself, and you're just the. The primary thought that is there is that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I should be at X by now, and I'm not. I'm. I've fallen short. I've failed. I'm not making it. Everything is a grind for a lot of people. This is a very challenging period where they're trying to grow a business and haven't made it to success. They, you know, there might be in a challenging part of their relationship and haven't figured it all yet out yet. How to please their queen, how to show up consistently as a king with that unshakable presence that. So there's. It's this period of turmoil, of struggle and constant challenge that some people just don't get through. They don't reach the other side. And it's a really powerful session again with this type of group because there are so many people who are so driven and looking for huge results. And to get there is a battle. And the kind of. The biggest things I took from it, hearing it the second time, the first time, it was kind of interesting. And that was the night that you got Coached. So that kind of shook all of that up in round one, but in round two, that what I took from it is, you know, there is this phase, but to get out of the. The negatives of it, the. The demoralizing aspects of it, it's really the just the mind stuff, mindset shift and kind of getting to a place of just acceptance of that life is problems and that they'll always be there and to just really be grateful for what you've learned and what you've come through and recognize it to be where you're at. And the one line that I. I noted, I looked this up yesterday just to define it, but it's that, you know, the shift of the mindset. I'm not being punished, I'm being polished. And that. That the process is so important that the process is everything that. That just really stuck with me, that it's. It gets you out of that almost. I love you call this, but the poor me itis. Yeah, I've got all these stresses at work. You know, it's this. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, struggle issue.

Yeah.

But it's like, no, that's life. That will always be life. Another thing they said, you know, if you don't have any problems, you have a problem, you're dead, you're not alive. Because life is problems. But. Yeah, so it's just a really powerful session of just kind of letting go of all of the. The stories that are attached with this phase and letting go of the external markers and just celebrating the process and what you have and the relationship that you do have and the risk that you are taking and your commitment to. To bigger things, that those are the traits of the king already and that you. You are there when you can make that mindset shift to just own it as opposed to, you know, I can't think of that. What's the saying, you know, life happening for me instead of life happening to me. That.

Yes. And the. The resistance creates persistence.

Yeah, exactly.

Around you, you're literally fighting reality.

Yeah. So that was a super powerful session. It was. Gosh, that. That specific kind of whole process was a good three hours or more. So that one, I think, was my biggest takeaway for sure in the 2023 round.

And so powerful for you at the time just in what you experienced and the breakthroughs you had and what you were able to release. This is really powerful. And. And on the flip side, I'm not going to go deeper into it, but it was the. It was the archetypes for the female as well. And a little different than the. The male. Whereas there's lover, maiden, huntress, mother, sage, queen, mystic. So just understanding how. How dynamic, how many layers, how many options that we as women can tap into and what men are experiencing. And. And then there's. I mean, I'm gonna. I'm gonna wrap up here because we. We could go on and on. Yeah, Another session on this, for sure. But what I. What I do want to point to as well, that, you know, there's that polarity, there's the sexual dynamic, there's the understanding ourselves on that. On that masculine and feminine energy and how to. How to go into some of the topics that we may never have learned about. And those are some of the. The. The sensual, the sexual, the energetic things like that that Jaya would bring to us. I didn't even have that written down, but I think it's important to mention because. And so it basically. Once you get a lot of the stuff out of the way, then you can focus on what we really want, which is more love, more connection, more intimacy. And that can be in the bedroom or not in the bedroom. And one last thing from my end here that I think is so important for people, and I got into it much deeper on the second relationship trip, and it's the attachment styles, and the majority of us are not securely attached, and it stems from our. Our babyhood. It's basically, this could be the generational trauma that we have adopted or been subjected to in our childhood and then unknowingly go into the world with an insecure attachment, which could be avoidant, it could be anxious, it could be traumatic, and then that. These old nervous system patterns that we don't even remember, but we were. That were really taught into us unintentionally or sometimes intentionally. But these attachment styles tend to become very dysfunctional and tend to work against what we really want in our workspaces, in our relationships with spaces, in our parenting spaces. So when you can understand them and see why we're doing what we're doing and have some compassion for our young selves, then we can understand that. Wait a second. Okay, this is. How do we go towards what would be called a healing love style or a secure attachment style? And that. That was very powerful for me on that last one as well. That's that second relationship trip. So do you have any other last thoughts on our relationship trips? I mean, we could. We could go on and on. These are so powerful.

I would say just the overall biggest takeaway that I come away from the trip either One is that if I want the relationship that I want the relationship of my dreams, it really starts and ends with me. It's. It's not about you at all. It's about me making sure I'm serving my needs and then allowing myself to show up and just serve you, my love of my life, every day. And just doing that will create the relationship I want. Expecting something from you will never happen. Trying to change a partner obviously will never happen. That's just showing up and loving on them and looking to serve, but at the same time being true to myself and being the best me fuels that. So that's, you know, the most important part. We can talk about all these different concepts and things, but it's, it's just, it's that, you know, that's the biggest takeaway.

Yeah, I love that. All of these concepts, all of these learnings are simply to fulfill one thing. And that is that is the love for ourselves and those that we care about. It's just all about love and for. And really making, making a scenario of caring for ourselves and, and meeting the other person's needs in such a way that they become a raving fan simply because you keep showing up in a way that serves the other person. Because ultimately the quality of our relationships creates the quality of our lives. And thank you for being my relationship and in my life and creating such quality for me. So love you, honey.

Love you.

So we will wrap it up with that and we hope this serves you in your relationships and even some of the nuggets can serve you in, in not just intimate relationships, but family relationships, with work relationships. Because it any of these concepts will affect all of your relationships. And as my daughter likes to say to me, I'd love to say to all of you which is you've got this. Whatever you're going through, whatever you're facing today, whatever you are going for, you've got this. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team is our group coaching and accountability program where we provide the tools, skills and community for you to grow your self mastery as a leader and optimize your results alongside other leaders. The Empowered Team runs year round to learn more about our leadership consulting for business and our Empowered Team group coaching. Head to www.theempowered.ca empowered learn more. That's www.thempowered.ca empowered. Learn more. We can't wait for you to join us. Let's go.