ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Hey, new listener, thanks so much for checking us out, and there's a good chance you have adhd, so I quickly wanted to ask you to please follow this podcast in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whichever app you're listening to this on. Don't leave it until later because you will forget. Thank you. Hey, new listener, thanks so much for checking us out, and there's a good chance you have adhd, so I quickly wanted to ask you to please, please follow this podcast in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whichever app you're listening to this on, don't leave it until later because you will forget. Thank you. Squirrel. In today's episode, I want to talk about Rejection Sensitivity dysphoria. Squirrel. Hi, I'm Katie McManus, and this is business strategy for Weenie ADHDpreneurs. Squirrel rejection sensitivity dysphoria, also known as RSD. Something that happens for people with ADHD and I'm sure a bunch of other people, too, who have neurodiversity. I've been diagnosed since I was, like, 7 or 8. I didn't know what RSD was until TikTok started being a thing. Like, here's the thing about the actual medical and psychological support out there for people with ADHD is they don't actually explain anything in a way that makes sense for us. But I want to talk about how this actually happens, because being really sensitive to rejection can seem like kind of a given thing that, yeah, of course you're being rejected. Why wouldn't you be sensitive to that? But with people with adhd, we tend to see rejection in places where it doesn't actually exist. Let's use a hypothetical. So I'm going to use my coo, Ree Ree Pierce, who lives in the uk. I've never actually met this person in person. We've only ever worked together virtually. Let's imagine that she and I are meeting for the first time. We're meeting at a networking party in New York City, and I get there and I'm early, and I've gone to the bar and I've gotten a beverage, and I'm milling around, and I'm chatting with people, and I see her, and I'm like, oh, my God, Reed, so good to see you. And she has just arrived. She got off the plane at jfk, took a taxi straight to the party, and she really has to pee. Sorry, Katie, I'll be with you in just a second. And so she's gonna give me, you know, a cursory hi, but really be Skin scanning for the toilet, as they call it in the uk. And so my RSD brain, rejection sensitive brain, can read that as, oh my God, she wasn't that excited to see me. Oh no, did I do something to piss her off? Did I upset her in some way? Does she not like me? Are we are. Is she gonna fire me as a client, as my fractional coo? And my brain could potentially go into this complete tailspin over her just needing to take care of some bodily functions and not being able to actually, you know, stand there and be excited with me that we're meeting for the first time. Now, of course this probably isn't going to happen, but if you didn't understand what rejection sensitivity dysphoria is, that's essentially what it is, is we see see rejection in situations where it's not actually an outright rejection. It's something that's just perceived as they don't like me, they don't want to be my friend. We tend to tell ourselves really creative stories about why people don't want to be our friends or don't want to be our clients or, you know, don't want to have us on their podcast. And so if you're this sensitive to rejection that isn't real, that is imagined, and it's a story made up in your head, starting a business is really challenging because when you start a business, you get to deal with actual rejection, right? Especially when you're starting a service based business because you're basically going out and saying to people, hey, would you like to pay me money for my time to spend time with me? I mean, that's essentially what your service is. You're using your training and your intellect to help them in some way. But you're going to be spending a lot of time with this person. And if they're turning around and saying, no, actually I don't want this, it's really easy to take that rejection as, oh my God, I'm being rejected. They don't like me, they don't want to spend time with me, they don't want to work with me. And so this is something that I work on with my clients, because that's not actually the truth. When you're single and you don't want to be single anymore. And so you go on the prowl, you go out with some friends, you go to some bars and you ask people out, if they reject you, then yes, that is actual rejection. They're rejecting you as a person. And I'm sorry, it sucks, but you are so brave for going out there, you know? And I hope you find love soon. Anyway, join the weeniecast Hyper Focus community and unlock a whole world of support. Get direct access to me in exclusive calls, turbocharge your network with unlimited referrals, and boost your productivity with spread calls and accountability sessions. But that's not all. We're talking expert talks, masterclasses, and more. Register now to get in front of the line for this. At the introductory price of just $77 per month, it's time to elevate your entrepreneurial game. Let's do this together. Go to weeniecast.com hyperfocus all one word. That's weeniecast.com hyperFocus. When you're building a business, however, and you're offering a service, we need to get very clear on what your clients are rejecting or what your potential clients are rejecting. Because when you do a sales call with them and they say no to working with you, it can feel like they're saying no to you. But here's what they're actually saying no to. They're saying no to the outcome that working with you would offer. They're saying no to this imagined version of themselves that will come into being on the other side of being your client. They're saying, actually, I don't really care that much about fixing this problem, and it's cool that you do this work, but I think I'm fine with this problem as it is. Or they're saying, you know, the work that you do sounds really neat, but I think I want to try a different tactic here. They're not actually saying no to you. They're saying no to the type of service that you provide, which may not be the right fit for them. And that's completely fair. They're saying no to the outcome, the results that you may offer. Cause maybe that's not exactly the thing that they want. Or maybe they've realized that after hearing the price tag that they may, like, want that result, but not want it bad enough to actually pay for it. Or they realize they're perfectly happy with who they are right now and they don't actually need to become the person that is on the other side of working with you. The funny thing about getting rejected for your services is that you actually factor in very little. This sounds cruel, but no one cares about you. But it's beautiful news. If no one cares about you, then it really doesn't matter if they say no to your services. One of the best ways to make sure that you get people who are likely to say yes to you on your sales calls is to be 100% yourself in your marketing. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten on a sales call with someone and they've told me, oh my gosh, I have followed you for so long. I've read all your posts, I've watched your lives, listened to your podcast, and you are exactly who I thought you'd be. Right. They've already opted into my personality. They've already opted into who I am and what I bring to the table. They're far less likely to say no to working with me because the things that they're deciding on are really just the results that they want from working with me. And what's the process? The best way you can ensure that people are more likely to work with you, say yes, or at least reject you for non personal reasons is to go and be 100% yourself in your marketing, warts and all. So one of the hardest things for me in going out in my own business is I went from being in sales where I heard no all the time, but for external things like gym memberships and solar panels and Internet security and yarn, if you can believe that or not, I went from hearing no all the time for external things to hearing no for myself. And so one of the things that my coach at the time had me do was he challenged me to play the no game, which is basically where you put yourself in an environment where there are lots of people and you offer people a free session, free 30 minute session of your work until you get 100 people saying no to you. And so I literally did this on my lunch break while I was working my job. So I would go and stand in front of the most popular Salad restaurant in SoMa in San Francisco, and I would basically ask everyone who was walking past if they would accept a 30 minute session from me. And I heard no a hundred times. And I was literally standing on the sidewalk, on the street, dressed nicely, asking people to give them free services and they weren't taking me up on it. I don't make my clients do this, but telling them is usually enough to show them that they can survive anything if I could. But if you do want to play the no game, here are the rules. You have to be very clear on what it is that you're offering for free. You have to ask only strangers, people that you don't know, and you have to start conversations with them in random public settings. And you have to offer this until you hear a hundred no's. Yeses do not count. If someone says yes, you've lost that point. The point is to hear no a hundred times and see that you can survive it. And here's a hot tip. Dress nicely. Because if you dress like a weirdo, people are less likely to stop and talk to you and you're less likely to even get the opportunity to hear no from them. If, after listening to this, you're thinking that you also struggle with rejection, please feel welcome to join me this Friday at Brave Biz Labs. It is a free call that I host every Friday at 11:00am Eastern Time and Saturday and the link is in the show Notes One of the things that empowers us the most is hearing from other people with ADHD what they experience and being like, oh my God, that's not just me. I thought that was just me because that freaked me out for forever. And you're telling me that you go through this too? Oh my gosh, gosh, gosh gosh. Are you an entrepreneur? Are you struggling to stay focused and organized while juggling a million TAs? Are you looking for ways to improve your productivity but finding it hard to stay motivated? Then you need to get access to my weeniecast for Winners show that's exclusively on Apple Podcasts. I know you might be thinking I've tried everything to stay on task and nothing works. But I'm enjoying the advice I'm getting here on the weeniecast, and let me tell you, I'm delighted to be able to help you and thousands of listeners just like you, my friend. But the Weeniecast for Winners podcast is next level and I'd hate for you to miss out on it. For just $199 a month, Weeniecast for Winners delivers in depth and actionable advice that's specifically designed for entrepreneurs, including those with adhd, whether diagnosed or suspected. I'll talk you through how to increase your sales conversions, keep your mindfulness on point, and even offer practical tips that can help you be more productive and successful in your business, all while catering to your unique needs of being an entrepreneur who might be struggling with adhd. With winicast for Winners, you'll get practical tips and strategies that you can use to drive your business forward without the frustrations and setbacks that often come with adhd. So if you're ready to start seeing real Results, subscribe to Winniecast for winners today@winniecast.com winners for just $1.99 a month, you'll gain access to the valuable insights and strategies that can take your business to the next level. Weeniecast for Winners is a show that's worth every penny for entrepreneurs who want to succeed. Subscribe now and start enjoying the benefits for yourself. Join the weeniecast hyper focused community and unlock a whole world of support. Get direct access to me in exclusive calls, turbocharge your network with unlimited referrals, and boost your productivity with Sprint calls and accountability sessions. But that's not all. We're talking expert talks, masterclasses, and more. Register now to get in front of the line for this at the introductory price of just $77 per month, it's time to elevate your entrepreneurial game. Let's do this together. Go to weeniecast.com hyperfocus all one word. That's weenicast.com hyperfocus.