How to stop overthinking on demand!

Hey, new listener, thanks so much for checking us out. And there's a good chance you have adhd, so I quickly wanted to ask you to please follow this podcast in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whichever app you're listening to this on. Don't leave it until later because you will forget. Thank you, Squirrel. Squirrel. By the end of this episode, you're going to know how to stop overthinking on demand. Hi, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and money mindset coach, and welcome to the Weeniecast. Squirrel. In a session with a client yesterday, we were talking about how she's kind of stopped worrying about the future and how she's assessed her money and she's doing pretty well and she's pretty happy with the track that her business is on and things in her life are looking great. And even though there's still a lot of unknowns, she's not concerned with how things are going to go down. And we talked about how it Isn't it funny that everything has always worked out for the better up until now, and it did not matter how much worrying and stressing and overthinking you did in the past, none of it actually helped things work out for the better. It just made you miserable while things were working out. I come from a very proud, long line of overthinkers. For Christmas last year, my dad actually bought me a T shirt that said, hold on while I overthink this. The McManus line has an uncanny ability to talk for hours on end on the most simple tiny. Oh, no, did I say that thing? Was it perceived weirdly? What do they think of me? And of course, like, overthinking happens in your life, right? Especially if you have adhd. And we'll talk about where that comes from. During the pandemic, I reached out to the boy that I went to fifth grade with because ever since fifth grade, when I didn't invite him to my birthday party because for whatever reason, I was kind of a jerk back then, I was in fifth grade. I think most of us are jerks back then. 5th grade me was an idiot. It didn't matter why I didn't like him. But ever since that day, I have literally carried the guilt of not inviting him to my birthday party. And so I think it was in like 2021. I was on Facebook and I saw his name pop up in a people that you may, and I was like, oh my God, this is the moment I have to apologize. And so I friended him. I sent him a message. And I said, hey, Michael, I don't know if you remember me. We went to fifth grade together at this school in California. And I owe you an apology. I have carried around this guilt since fifth grade. And I'm so sorry I didn't invite you to my birthday party. He had no idea what the I was talking about. He remembered me. He had no recollection that I ever even had a birthday. And we had this, like, very funny little exchange. But he was like, have you been thinking about this ever since fifth grade? And to which my answer was like, yeah, I have, absolutely. Which I'm sure he thought a little crazy, but, you know, we left it on a good note, and we're still connected on Facebook. We never rekindled the friendship, but, you know, we were never friends to begin with. So there we go. God, now I'm going to start overthinking that. But there's overthinking that happens in your life over that thing you said at dinner, or you were upset that one day, and did people think that you were mad at them and overthinking what other people say to you? My God, like, your boss said something in a weird tone. Are you about to get fired? As a business owner, when you get a text from a client who's freaking out about something, it's so easy to start spiraling, thinking, oh, my God, they're about to fire me. Especially if you're a coach or you're a lawyer or you're a copywriter, like, know that you are your client's peer. You're probably one of the few people your client can turn to to freak out about stuff. Right? They can't go to their spouse and be like, oh, my God, I think I'm running out of money. Their spouse is going to freak out then. And then they're going to have, like, a very stressful home environment. But you know who they can freak out to is you. And meanwhile, you're going to start overthinking. Oh, my God, they're never going to be able to pay me. They're going to have to stop working with me. Oh, God, I'm going to have to find another client. And here's the thing about overthinking is that it doesn't help. It doesn't help a situation get better. It makes you feel guilty enough decades later that you apologize for doing something sh tty. Sure, but every time I've gone back and apologized for something that I did decades ago, the person I apologize to has no Recollection of it has no memory of the instance that I spent years consumed with freaking out about your clients. When they send you something that you perceive as, oh, my God, they're gonna stop working with me, does that help you serve them? When they get on the phone with you and they need to talk about their own problems and the support that they need, are you actually listening to them for their sake, or are you listening to them for your sake because you're worried you're gonna lose the business? There are a lot of theories about overthinking in the psychological space, which I am not trained in psychology. I'm not a therapist. I'm just talking about this based off what I've learned on TikTok and from reading articles and from talking to my own therapist. But overthinking in psychological terms is generally referred to as rumination and worrying. Right? When you ruminate and worry about something, you're just consumed with the negative thought around it. It's like this endless loop in your mind, and it can get really obsessive. It's like it's the only thing that you can think about. Your mind cannot move forward from it. Your mind cannot focus on anything else. And, of course, like, you can ruminate and obsess and stress over really serious things. I know I got really sucked into this when I had my own personal financial crisis. When I first started my business, I was $50,000 in debt. I had no money to my name. I just signed up for a $20,000 program, and this business that I had just started wasn't going great because I just started. Like, businesses don't go great when you first start. And we have this weird expectation that, like, we start and then we should be making hundreds of thousands of dollars. That's not how that goes. Right. It wasn't until I was able to stop ruminating, until I was able to stop overthinking it, that I was able to get to work and actually make my business successful. When we overthink things in our business, we actually prevent success from happening. And how this shows up is like, have you ever created an offer? And maybe. Maybe you haven't yet. Maybe you're listening to this, and I say this, and you're like, oh, God, like, there's. I have so many ideas. I'm not sure which one's gonna be right. So I'm just, like, trying to figure out which one's gonna be right in my own head, and I'm obsessing over it. Honey, that's overthinking and that's not helping you get clients. That's not helping you make money. That's not helping you start your business. You know, it could be your marketing. I can't tell you how many of my clients, when they start with me, they're not posting to social media, they're not sending emails, and when they do, they spend days agonizing over where a comma should go, what word they should use. They. They run it up the flagpole to their spouse, their best friends, anyone that they can ask who has good grammar to make sure that their post is absolutely perfect. And what ultimately happens is they end up posting, like, once every month, which is not enough to gain any traction, to gain any visibility, or to build trust with your audience so that they are convinced that you're the person that they should hire. People also really overthink their pricing. The classic overthinking fallacy when it comes to your pricing is, oh, my gosh, I'm new and no one's going to trust me because I'm new and I haven't. I haven't done this as a paid service before, mind you. You've been a professional for how many years at this point? So instead of. Instead of charging real money for my services, okay, well, here's. Here's my plan. Here's my strategies. I'm going to give my services away for either really, really cheap or free. And then the clients that I get, they're going to be so impressed by my work, and they're going to get such great results from my free work, my cheap work, that they're gonna go and write these glorious testimonials. And then I'm gonna have these testimonials, and then I'll be able to raise my prices by like a hundred dollars. And then I'll just inch it up every time I get a better testimonial, and then eventually I'll make money. That's exhausting. That's exhausting. Also, honey, it doesn't work that way. The clients that you get for free or cheap will not value the work that you do. And because they won't value the work that you do, they will not see results from the work that you do, which means there's no testimonial that'll come. Just. It's not happening. And the endless worry about how things are going to work out, the endless. The endless loop of, oh, my God, this isn't working, and this isn't working, and this isn't working. That's not Helping you either, because instead of looking up and out into the world to see all the opportunities in front of you, and instead of tapping into your creativity to see how you can grab hold of those opportunities and make them worth something to you, you're obsessing over things not happening the way you thought they would happen. Which, here's a little news flash. Things will never happen the way you think they'll happen. The universe has a wicked sense of humor, and I always like to remind people of this. Like, how did you meet your best friend? How did you meet your spouse? How did you get your favorite job you ever had? And before those things happened, before you met those people or you got that job, did you know exactly how it would happen? I bet not. I bet you couldn't have planned for how you met your best friend. Personally, how I met my best friend was I broke up with a boyfriend who paid for where we lived, and I wasn't making a whole lot of money. So the very expensive gym that I used to pay for a membership for, I had to start working at because I didn't want to give up my membership. But I also couldn't afford to pay the monthly fee. And she was on the sales team there. And we really didn't talk much when I first got my job there because I was working at the front desk, like two days a week. And they weren't days that she normally worked. But at one point, the regional sales manager came up to me and was asking me about the other jobs that I had because I had a lot at the time. And he. I heard that I did sales for a video production company. He's like, oh, my God, we're opening up a new club. I'd love to have you on the sales team there. Do you want to apply? And I kind of said, oh, you know, I'll think about it. And then Jess walks around the corner after he leaves and asks like, how my day is going. And I said, oh, well, Ray just told me I should apply to work at the new club that they're opening on the sales team. And she's like, oh, my God, you totally should. And I'm like, really? Like, I don't know if I want to sell gym memberships. And then she's like, do you know how much money you're going to make? And she legit walked back to her office, printed up what the commissions were for the people who were at the most successful clubs, and told me how much money I could make selling gym memberships. And we ended up being colleagues. And we didn't become best friends until about a year and a half later after working together for a really long time. But I couldn't have planned on that. I really couldn't have. I couldn't have planned that there would be someone who worked at that club that would just become my best friend. We've been best friends for almost a decade now. I'm not married yet, so I can't tell a cute story about meeting my spouse. But I bet you have one. I bet you have a cute story about how you met either your spouse or your long term partner. And I mean, you. You've heard how I've gotten jobs in the past. I could not have planned on any of them. But here's the crazy thing is that we still try to obsess around how things will happen in the future. It's like we think, okay, well if I make a plan and do the plan and everything goes perfectly to the plan, everything should happen the way I want it to, how's that ever gone for? I can tell you that's never worked out for me ever in my life. So worrying and stressing and ruminating and overthinking everything actually does not help you. It hurts you. And here's my theory on why we do this, especially as people with adhd. Most ADHD people that I know are extremely sensitive individuals. And we have to be. We walk into a room and we can immediately read the whole vibe. We know who's mad at who, we know who's having a good time. We know who's safe to speak to and who we want to stay away from. And we know this within seconds of looking around. When we have conversations with people, we know exactly which version of ourselves we should be to get a good response from them. We've been masking our whole lives. And we learned this very early on because if we didn't mask, that's when we got in trouble. If we're sitting in class and we're don't have our interesting face mask on, the teacher would get mad at us. If everyone around us was laughing or happy and we weren't, we would still have our happy laughing face on. And when we were really, really upset, we learned that that wasn't always appropriate. We had to hide it. We have spent a lifetime gaslighting ourselves out of our own emotions. We've also spent a lifetime having all these emotions that either were ours or that we were picking up from the people around us and then being told that's not appropriate. Calm down, don't get upset. And what ultimately happens is that we learn to ignore as best we can, the actual emotions and feelings that come up in our body. And because we learn this from the outside world, we think that we can think through it, that we can logic ourselves out of feeling certain ways. This is honestly one of the reasons why a lot of people with ADHD struggle to find the right therapist for themselves. Because we have such an innate talent for intellectually processing our emotions, we can make sense of how we feel certain ways, we can come up with storylines, we can talk about causation and how other people impacted us and, like, why it makes sense that we feel a certain way and yet we still struggle to move past those emotions. You know, a lot of therapists will just lap that up. Oh, cool. This person is really self aware. Meanwhile, we're there on the other side, just continually obsessing about whatever the situation has been. And the reason we cannot get out over overthinking is because we never actually learned how to process our emotions. We never actually learned how to let them move through us. In coach training, one of the things that we learned is that, like, in the western world, people get very scared when we talk about emotions. They think, okay, emotions go to therapy, right? Emotions bad, like, go to therapy, get them fixed. And while, yes, like, there are absolutely some emotions that, like, especially if it's related to trauma or depression or really serious anxiety, you should have some medical help for. Just the fact that you have emotions is not a bad thing. It doesn't make you less than. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you broken. One of the best definitions of, of emotions that I have ever heard is it that it's really energy in motion, right? Think about when you're angry. Where do you feel that energy in your body? For me, it's like, it's like this heat in my chest and it goes up towards my shoulders and then it goes up my neck and it's like, if you look at me, it's like neck down is just like flushed red. Physically, like my body literally has a reaction to being angry. And yet do I ever let my body process that out? I mean, I didn't used to. I do now used to be that I'd have to think about, well, why am I justified in being angry? Why am I justified and being pissed off at this person or the situation and why is it wrong and blah, blah, blah, blah. And none of that ever helped me move past it. It just helped me latch onto something that I would just completely overthink and talk about ad nauseum forever. I'm sorry to all of my friends and family who had to listen to me back then. I didn't know any better. So here's the choice you have in this moment. You can continue down this road of being an overthinker, of ruminating, of being a constant worrier about the future. That is absolutely an option for you. Or you can learn with me. I'm about to tell you how to move past that. If you're good being an overthinker, then the podcast is over. Now go continue your life. Enjoy overthinking, enjoy your ruminating, really give your worrying your all. Have a good life. If you really want to learn a new skill and you want to stop overthinking and stop worrying about the future and actually start living, then here's the really simple exercise that I practice and that I have my clients go through. Oh, what am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep listening to find out. But first, Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. If you're enjoying this episode, would you do me a small favor? Will you please leave me a review? Don't worry, it's super easy to do and it only takes a few minutes. You can leave your comments in Apple Podcasts, castbox, Spotify, and Podchaser. Just go to weeniecast.com reviews and scroll till you find the chosen app. That's weeniecast.com forward slash reviews. If you really want to learn a new skill and you want to stop overthinking and stop worrying about the future and actually start living, then here's the really simple exercise that I practice and that I have my clients go through to get out of their heads and back into their body so that they can take action and actually build businesses that they're really proud of. And this practice is really simple. So when you're overthinking, you know that the energy is all in your head. You know, it's like you have a ping pong ball that's just bouncing around inside your skull, activating different parts of your brain. And of course that internal narration that happens, the voice that just goes on and on and on and on about all the things that are going on. Just notice what it's saying. Just notice all the what if scenarios that it's coming up with. Just notice all the negative comments it has about you in the past or you right now and how it's never going to be good enough and so on. And so forth. Now, that ping pong ball that's bouncing around your skull, activating these different parts, I want you to imagine that you're slowing it down. You're just bringing it to kind of like slow motion ping ponging. And I want you to slowly draw it down through your head, down your neck, and bring it down into your body, into your heart space. Now, this ball is your consciousness. This ball is actually where you do your thinking. And you get to control where that thinking happens in your body. Now, something that they've discovered over the last several decades is that, yes, we have neurons in our brains, we can do thinking in our brains. We all know this, we do a lot of thinking in our brains, but we also have neurons that do thinking and store memories in our heart tissue and throughout our digestive tracts. This is one of the reasons why when you're sick and you have a stomach upset, your short term memory is bad because literally a part of your physical brain that's not just in your head is offline. It's working on recovering. So you've brought that ping pong ball into your chest space. And whatever it is that you're concerned about, you're going to ask your heart, you're going to ask your body, what do I actually know about this situation? Now here's where you're either going to get an answer or you're going to notice there is an emotion coming up that will not let you have an answer yet. So when we're getting information from our heart space and from our gut, we have to remember first and foremost that there's no language center. All right? Our brains have a language center. Our heart and our gut do not. So oftentimes these messages will come up visually. They can come up almost in a smell, they can come up in just a sense or a sensation. And just trust yourself that you will understand what it means. Now, if you're getting an answer, beautiful. If you're not getting an answer and you just feel like tight or like you're going to vomit or there's something else happening in your body. Like when I get angry, I have that heat through my neck, down into my chest. This is a sign that you have energy that you're not letting move through your body. This is an emotion that you're actually not giving yourself permission to feel through. And what we need to do in this moment is very simple. Just focus on that feeling. There's this practice that I got really annoyed with when I was a kid where, like, if you stub Your toe, like, you know how, like, it really, really hurts and you're mad and you're swearing, you're saying all these bad words and you're like, kicking the chair that stubbed your toe. And then you're hurting your foot again. Like, sure, that can make you feel a little better. But a trick to actually make the pain pass faster is to simply focus in on that pain and feel it to the fullest extent you can. And it's really painful. It really is. Like, when you are in pain and you really focus in on experiencing that pain fully, it's agonizing, but it does go faster. You don't have to focus in on the pain of your stubbed toe and be like, go away, pain. Like, I'm numbing you. That doesn't work. It doesn't work. It just makes the pain last longer. So I'm going to imagine there's an emotion that's coming up. There's this sensation in your body and that your stomach feels very tight and grippy. And all you're going to do is you're going to feel into what that feels like. You're going to notice, like, if it feels tight, like, does it feel like I'm wearing a corset? Does it feel like someone's, like, jammed their hand through your stomach and they're holding on to your intestines with their fist? Is there a temperature to it? Is it hot? Is it cold? Does it feel like a snake got in there and is wrapped around you? And as you focus in on the physical sensation, notice what emotions come up. Is it fear? Is it frustration? Oftentimes these physical sensations are really trying to tell us something. It's like an alarm system that it just has very poor communication style. Is the fear trying to tell you? Remember that we failed that one time and it didn't feel good. Is your subconscious trying to tell you, oh, my God, like, I really don't want to fail again? Or is it trying to tell you that you don't want to look stupid? Or is it trying to tell you, actually, this does not matter. We don't want to worry about this. We want to worry about something else. We want to go do something else. This is not the right fit for us. And once you get that message, receive it, understand what your body's trying to tell you, and then again refocus on back into the physical sensation in your gut, what's there. Now you're not trying to make it do anything. You're just noticing. And again, we want to Ask, what's the emotion that's coming up from this feeling? And you want to go back and forth on this until you get to a point where you're able to ask, cool, what do I know about this situation? And you actually get an answer. When I work with clients one on one, my clients get unlimited on demand support with me, meaning, and I have it in three tiers. 3. 11 is, Hey, I have a cool idea. I just want to brainstorm it. Can we chat for a few minutes? 611 is, I have a time sensitive question. I have a proposal that I want to send out to this big corporation. It needs to go out tomorrow. Can we hop on in the next 12 hours and look over my proposal or can you answer a couple questions for me? My favorite, my absolute favorite on demand calls, the 911. It's I'm freaking the f. Ck out. I don't know what to do. I'm crying, I'm hiding in a bathroom stall. Things aren't going well. I need to talk to someone. And I can tell you, the clients who use 911 calls the most in the beginning of our work together are the ones who become successful the fastest. Because instead of getting in their own heads and overthinking everything and ruminating and worrying about and thinking, I have to figure this out on my own and I have to logic myself out of feeling this way. They're brave enough to get on the phone with me and just barf it all out. Here's how I feel. Here's all the shame and fear and anger and frustration that I have, blah, blah, blah. And while we're on the call, I talk them through some kind of exercise like this, and I help them process this emotion. Now these emotions will come up forever. We're not getting rid of them. It's not like you're going to get really good at processing emotions so that you never feel them again. Sorry. Actually, the more you feel them, the more they come because, like, they realize that they're safe with you. So the goal is never to get rid of them completely. The goal is to process through the ones that hold you back faster. And this is really hard to do on your own because you don't have an alarm system that tells you, oh, remember, like, when you feel this way, go and do this exercise. So my clients who, when they feel this way, they think, oh, call for help, call your coach. Get past this. They learn really quickly. Oh, okay, cool. Here's how I'm feeling. This is not good. I need to move past it. And in the beginning they'll call me a ton and I love it. I can talk them off the ledge. They feel so much better afterwards. They process through the emotion and after a little bit of time when they have that instinct to call me for help, they realize, hold on, I know what to do now. I can process this. This isn't that scary. When you train yourself to do this through having help, you're not only allowing yourself to do the work to become massively successful, you're actually doing a lot of work to heal some self inflicted and society inflicted trauma that a lot of us would with ADHD suffer from. Because so many of us, especially millennials and older, were told that our emotions were wrong, that we were upset for the wrong reasons, that we shouldn't get this upset. Everyone else is fine. Why are you being a problem? And when you give your adult self permission to feel all those things and just process through it and to not shame yourself for being there and to tell yourself it is okay, this is telling you something. This is part of your alert system. We're gonna give it the microphone for a little bit and everything will be fine. You actually open so many doors for yourself out there in the world and you get to walk through them without being a completely overthinking basket case. If you're ready to stop being a weenie and actually run a business that makes money, then go ahead and book a generate income strategy call with me by going to weeniecast.com forward/strategy call. On this call, we will talk about your goals, your dreams and your frustrations in getting there. And if it's a fit for both of us, then we can talk about different ways to work together.

This is Ben from Facebook. I didn't get an invite to the birthday party either. It's okay. I forgive you.

Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. If you're enjoying this episode, would you do me a small favor? Will you please leave me a review? Don't worry, it's super easy to do and it only takes a few minutes. You can leave your comments in Apple Podcasts, castbox, Spotify and Podchaser. Just go to weeniecast.com forward/reviews and scroll till you find the chosen app. That's weeniecast.com forward slash reviews.