Understanding the impact of your money archetypes

Hey, new listener. Thanks so much for checking us out. And there's a good chance you have adhd, so I quickly wanted to ask you to please follow this podcast in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whichever app you're listening to this on. Don't leave it until later because you will forget. Thank you. Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. In this bonus episode, you're going to hear what a coaching session with me is like. Hi, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and money mindset coach, and welcome to the Weeniecast. Squirrel. My podcast producer, Neil Valeo, reached out to me and asked me if I would please do a session with him because he was wanting some direction where he should go in his business. I have full permission from him to share this. Dude, you need to have more fun. That's something we need to prioritize. Seriously, is you need to. Sounds really, like, condescending. We need to get a hobby. It's taking up all your time and you're making X amount of dollars. How are you going to make more money if it's already taking up all your time making that amount of money?

I'm with you.

So, like, cutting back on the amount of hours you're doing and being intentional about spending time doing things you enjoy and spending time with your parents and, you know, pushing your dog's butthole back in, you know, whatever.

Yeah, pushing off the list that's now ended, so that's good. But, yeah, more time for parents. Definitely. Definitely one. Yeah.

Bird watch. Like, you know, think of anything that you're slightly interested in and almost make it be kind of fun if you made, like, a bingo card for yourself of, like, things you wanted to try.

I like it.

It could be bird watching. It could be.

I want to do parkour.

Parkour.

Parkour. You know, like the jumping.

Sign up for parkour class.

Too bloody old.

Okay, maybe sign up for, like, a Pilates class before you do parkour, because you need to work on your core.

Great. I love it. Oh, cool. Do classes. That's actually a good idea. Do classes. Yeah, gym classes. Going to the gym first would be a good start, wouldn't it?

Mm, yeah. I don't want it to be something that, like, is. Has a purpose. Like, it's supposed to make, like, make you fitter this, that the other thing. It's supposed to be something that, like, helps you turn your brain off and that you actually enjoy. Because what happens is our brains get kicked into scarcity mode. When we don't let ourselves do that, we get kicked into like, survival mode when we don't have moments of just pure joy.

You just talked about that on an episode recently, actually, and that sort of sunk in. Okay, I'll work on that.

Yeah. You know, the goal here is a life of no regrets. Like, that's it, your business and making more money, like, that's all going to fold into it. But what good is that going to be if you're setting yourself up to be like, oh, fuck, I should have done more of that.

Yeah.

I had a client who. One of her big ones when we first started working together in that first year is. She texted me. She's like. So I went down to the pool in my building. She lives in an apartment building. And I put my feet in the pool for like 15 minutes. It was great. I didn't go in the pool. I don't know why I go swimming, but I put my feet in the pool. I'm telling you this, but this is not a unique thing. Special.

Right.

You know? You know, everyone struggles with this.

Got you.

Right.

Yeah.

And it really does make a difference when you start prioritizing those small moments of joy.

Yeah. I think that's the thing I have trouble with is. I mean, it's nothing new. You've even talked about this on your show. But it's just that guilt feeling, isn't it? Of like, I should be working, I should be doing stuff for other people.

This is you.

This is me.

What part of you, though?

It comes back from the days when you had a job and you have to account for all your time and your bosses would look at you and, okay, you got time to talk. Why are you talk.

You know, and it's time to lean, time to clean.

Yeah. And it's. It's like you sort of you in your head, I guess, you kind of thinking, well, I'm the boss now and I need to watch what my people are doing. But I don't have any people. I've only got me. And I'm looking at me and I'm just looking at LinkedIn. What the hell am I doing? Come on, get editing. You know, and it's. Yeah, it's that sort of mentality. So going to hang out with my mum and dad for a cup of tea seems like a really guilty thing to do when I could be editing something or putting something in Canva. It's just. Yeah, it's a really weird. Because you'll still get it done, won't you? It's just when you do it, I.

Think you and I are pretty decided that you also have adhd. Like, you don't necessarily need the diagnosis. We know. Here's the thing, like, when you're in executive dysfunction and you're like on LinkedIn thinking, I need to edit, I need to edit, I need to edit. You're actually making the edit take a lot longer than it would if you just walked away and did something else and then came back. Okay. When we're in executive dysfunction, it means, like, we don't have enough dopamine to actually do the thing. Right? And dopamine, yeah, it comes from getting tasks done, but it also comes from just going and enjoying life. You know, there's this whole. There's this weight loss coach that I followed over 10 years ago, and I just, I followed her because I really thought the philosophy she taught was interesting. Like, instead of waiting to lose weight to go and have fun and live life and, like, go to the pool and do all the fun things, she made her clients do the fun things first. Because oftentimes, like, the reason people overeat is because they need more dopamine or it's like a stress relief, you know, like, they have anxiety and so, like, they want to, like, suppress the feelings with food. Right, Versus going out and having experiences and having fun. Like, that gives you dopamine, and it also lowers your stress levels. Right? So at the end of the day, you know, when you're. You would normally reach for snacks, like, you don't really need them because you've had like a really full day and like, you've sorted through emotions as they've come up and you've done all the things. For you as a business owner, the way you manage anxiety is to keep working. And that's a coping mechanism. It's not actually a healthy way to deal with the anxiety. You and I both know this. It's kind of like your version of having a glass of wine after a stressful day is just keep working. Just keep working, because then you can prove to yourself that you've worked as hard as you possibly can.

I hate that. You know me.

I'm not perfect at this. Like, I struggle with this too. Believe me. This is what my coaching calls are with my people. It's hard, but also it's incredibly important. And it's almost like those are your non negotiables for the week, because the work is gonna happen. You're gonna do it. It's not like you're gonna slack off. You and I both know this. Your non negotiable is Showing your nervous system that it's safe to go and spend some time away from work and to do so with, like, don't make content out of it. Don't. Don't have it be well, this is how I'm gonna hit my fitness goals. Also, when your nervous system sees, like, we always have to have a purpose and we always have to do this, it's a survival mode. So that is your non negotiable. You have to like. One of my first assignments for you is to go through and schedule those, like, times of joy throughout the week where you spend several hours away from work just having. Yeah. Mm.

Oh, I didn't agree to the several hours pop.

Yeah, but you know what? You have to do it to show yourself that you're not going to die and business won't fail.

Yeah, Right.

Because otherwise whatever we build is going to end up with you working 80 hours a week and burning yourself out. And that's not to say sustainable.

How many hours per day roughly then.

Would you say for right now, let's make it two or three hour sessions per week.

Okay.

Okay. It doesn't necessarily have to be every single day.

Yeah.

It's you going to hang out with your parents and then it's you going off and having like a little random adventure for the hell of it. There's also, I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but have you heard of weird walks?

Weird walks? No.

All right. It's not where you go walk weird. It's like you go for a walk and you try to find like one to five weird things. And it could be, oh, this tree looks like it's the person that's like, you know, holding his hands up to the police. Oh, this is a weird little like miniature mural of a goblin on the corner of a building, you know. Oh, that flower pot, like, looks like a pumpkin. Okay, interesting. And it's like. But you. It. It's a great mindfulness trick. And it's also really fun to do with other people. Right. Because you're constantly like, is this weird enough? Does this qualify? Is this weird enough? And it just, like, it makes you really enjoy every single moment you're on it because you're just scanning the world for like something that makes you giggle.

Yeah. Brilliant. Could do that with the dog as well. Is allowed.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look at this tree that Katie says looked like being arrested by the police.

She's not it. Did you also take the money Archetypes take test?

I did.

Okay, so the first two I kind of clocked you as, but the, the third one I'm kind of surprised at. So you're nurturer, accumulator, and romantic, right?

That sounds right. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Interesting.

When someone says interesting and then they don't follow up.

No, we'll go over it. We'll go over it. It's fascinating. Like the first two I had completely clocked, romantic is like the one that's like, really? All right, so let's talk through your archetypes.

Oh.

Ooh. What am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep listening to find out. But first, squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. The hyperfocus community is the inner sanctum of the weeniecast. It's a club that's designed just for you, where you'll learn how to leverage your ADHD to grow your business. In the hyperfocused community, we. We are realistic about the challenges that face ADHD business owners. And we don't believe in one size fits all solutions. We believe in creating strategies that fit you. On day one of signing up, you'll experience that deep sigh of relief that comes from walking into a room full of people like you who you do not need to mask your quirks in front of in order to fit in because they get you in the membership every single month. You'll get two group content calls. One is an ADHD group coaching call and the other is a networking call with fellow ADHD business owners. We will also have co working sessions designed for the ADHD mind. Monday, get organized Sprint calls to keep you out of overwhelm. Access to weekly Brave BizLab calls where I will give you practical advice to grow your business. We'll also have the occasional expert training which are absolutely ADHD vetted, and of course, community support by folks like you. And those who pay for the year up front get a surprise bonus. Visit weenicast.com hyperfocused and stop procrastinating the things that will grow your business. That's weeniecast.com hyperfocus or click the link in the episode description. Okay, so nurturer. Okay, so when you hear nurturer, what comes to mind?

So nurture to me now, hearing it in the aftermath. Nurture to me is someone that wants to get resources together so that you can look after the people you love. Right? That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, it's really interesting. This came up actually at the weekend, so it's my dad's birthday and he was talking about, he wants, he wants a new car and I did that whole thing in my head of, oh my God, if I'd have been more successful at this point, I would have just taken him to the dealership and bought him a car. He's 82, so he's not looking for like a nice prestige car. He just wants like a Porsche cayenne, like used 10 year old car that is something to be proud of but cheap to run, doesn't drive it anyway, but it's just something nice to park in his driveway. And I was like, it made me feel terrible because it's like I can't even go. And at this stage I can't even go by myself. A particularly nice new car, how am I going to be able to do it? You know?

Yeah. So, uh, I. So nurture is my second one. So we have this in common, nurturers. We derive our sense of self worth from how much we can give to others. They don't tend to have a lot in savings because they're constantly giving to others. And this can be. They're either supporting people financially, they're letting people live in their house, you know, rent free, whatever, eat their food, like they're taking people out to dinner. This is also a romantic thing, but it can also show up in your business where you over give, you provide. And it becomes from like a fear that it, like what you have to offer is not going to be enough. And so it's like, oh, well, I have to go above and beyond here and I have to go above and beyond here and I have to like constantly like shove value in your face so you don't run away from me. Right.

This happened yesterday. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm guilty as charged. An hour, hour and 45 minutes yesterday with Michelle basically handing over all my knowledge. Yeah, she's lovely. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed helping her.

Yeah. And I actually wouldn't be surprised if she referred you clients also. Right, yeah, but you know, like the amount of things that you do for your clients that are paying you, like. Yeah, absolutely. But like you give so much and, and the big thing for the nurturer is to realize like sometimes when you give too much to your clients, it starts creating like an imbalance in exchange, an energy exchange. So your clients will stop, will start feeling guilty for how much they're taking from you. This is a great example of me correcting the imbalance. Right.

Sorry.

No, but it's, it's, but it's when, when you notice that that is kind of your, your alarm. Oh, I need to raise my rates. Not necessarily dial it back, but maybe shift it. So, for instance, how I've done this in my business is I've implemented a lot of, like, group calls so that clients can get that part of me without me having to do it for every single person.

Right. Interesting. Yeah.

My brave bizlab call that used to be every single fucking week. That is a great example of nurturer behavior. Trying to take care of everyone and giving too much away. As we roll out your different offers, as we roll out your coaching, reconfigure your producing package and also your memberships and your franchise. Like, we just have to be very, very conscious of this part. Right. Because when the nurturer is not in its power, it wants to give the whole store away to prove how nice you are, you know, how nice and generous and knowledgeable you are. Because it feels like it has to prove itself.

Yeah.

The nurturer, in its power, however, knows that the more money you make and the more you command and the more stable you become, the more your. Your boat kind of rises, that everyone will see that and take that as like a, oh, cool, like, we'll have to rise with him. You can help people by simply setting a boundary and setting an example. Right. Because that allows for them to rise to the occasion as well.

Tell me more about setting a boundary and example. What do you mean by that?

Like, when people ask for your feedback and your help, you can absolutely give them all your time. And also you can give them a link to buy an hour with you.

Right.

You know, and of course, do this with discretion. But there are people out there who genuinely want what you have, and it's gonna help them make money. But, you know, it's also generous and kind of you to give 15 minutes and just give them a list, like, oh, cool, you're struggling with this. Like, here. Here are all the things you wanna look at. Yeah, that's it. You know, like, that is generous, but like an hour and 40 minutes, that's a long time to give to someone.

So with that, that's actually a good example, because I have done. And this isn't my first rodeo on that one. You can probably guess. It's kind of more like a weekly occurrence, to be honest. So how would you suggest then that. That kind of situation? Because obviously she had a pad out and she was like. She. She showed me like six pages, six leaves of A4. Yeah, but now you're saying that. I'm realizing, actually, you know, an hour and 45 minutes is a lot of my time that actually, you know, probably never going to see that returned, even if she does refer. Maybe. I don't know. But how do you suggest that I would overcome that then?

The sense of selfish for you to cut it down?

No, the whole like, so the system of she's obviously turned up. You've recommended me to her. She knows that I'm going to save her ass on her talk that she's got to a podcast she's got to do. I've obviously got all the ways I can help her, which I did then being mindful that, okay, so we've now done this for 20 minutes and I can tell that we're not even touching the surface here. How would you sort of handle that? Sort of politely with like, you know, we sort of sit out for an hour.

So it's really how you start the call. You know, it's like, okay, cool, so we only have 20 minutes. What do you need to know? We only have 20 minutes. What do you need to know? What's the purpose here and what are you struggling with? What do you need to put together?

Yeah.

Right.

So it's a very intentional piece.

Exactly. Right. You're giving 20 minutes that you didn't need to offer, but you could have responded in an email and said, oh, well, here are the top five things that podcasters struggle with when it comes to their brand.

Right. You know, yeah, I assumed she was ADHD and wouldn't want to read it.

But you know what? Like that's the nurturer is. Oh, I need to make sure this is completely 100% catered to how you read and listen and absorb information. Right, right. That's not your responsibility.

Let the content do the heavy lifting.

Exactly. Okay.

Yeah. No more free 1 hour and 40 minute sessions.

And also know that on. On their end, like that imbalance happens. Like, oh my God, he just gave me so much time. You know, there's like this guilt. There's this absolute guilt. Now your accumulator, the accumulator is like of the eight archetypes, you have it paired with two not great spender or savers. So the accumulator is really well known for deriving a lot of joy and security from seeing their bank account grow. Right. The accumulator, however, has a great deal of fear around risk. The accumulator would rather have money in a savings account not accruing interest rather than the stock market because there's risk there. You're laughing. What's coming up?

Lts charged.

Yeah. Because what if you lose it all. The accumulators also really hesitant to spend any money on themselves.

Yes.

Which paired with the nurturer, creates this really up dynamic where you're allowed to spend money on other people, but you're not allowed to spend money on yourself. And if you do spend money on yourself, like, you have to be the cheapest motherfucker possible about it. Like, the accumulator is really well known for seeing things as luxury that other people see. Like what? Like, it's not a big deal. So, you know, like, the difference between tissues. Like, you have tissues that are just like, plain tissues, and then you have the ones that are infused with lotion. They don't irritate your nose. The accumulator would be like, that's 50 cents more than that. I gotta get the shitty ones. Got to get the ones that completely destroy my face and make my nostrils, like, bleed. Right?

Oh, my God, yes.

Does this hurt? There's an accumulator that I know who, when I brought this up, she's like, I never buy coffee out. I feel so guilty spending $3 on a cup of coffee when I can get it at home for, like, 10 cents because she's worked out the math on it. Here's the big thing for accumulators is you, like, invest in things, and it could be that cup of coffee out. You actually open yourself up to opportunities. Right? Because let's play this out. You go home, you make coffee. Are you talking to anyone in your kitchen? Like, is there anyone new coming into your life? Are they just walking into your house and be like, oh, you have coffee on Can I have a cup? Versus sitting down at a cafe and having a cup of coffee and kind of like, you know, people watching. And maybe someone sits down at the next table and you strike up a conversation with them. Oh, I have a friend who's always wanted to do a podcast. Maybe I should introduce them to you. And this goes into spending time doing fun things. You know, the accumulator. When you start training yourself to, like, invest in those little moments, invest in the things that you just want, you actually open yourself up to opportunities coming your way that you can never plan on. Right, Right. But you can't do it unless you go and make that choice. They will never come if you're just sitting in your kitchen. Because, I mean, if someone came into your kitchen and was like, hey, I want you to start a podcast. You probably call the police. It wouldn't work out. You know, I don't know.

I might be. How Much you willing to give? I take your point, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah.

100%.

Yeah. Okay, what's coming up for you around this?

A massive amount of shame. Yeah. What's the shame around being super tight? And this comes from my dad, because my dad, like the advice I was giving my dad on Saturday night, I was saying to him, you need to enjoy your money or five good years left of driving, for one thing. You've got the money. We know you've got the money. You're saving it for a rainy day, which is basically saving it for me. Don't. And it comes from my dad's mentality that if I spend money on myself, the business is going to need it all of a sudden, like, you know, like cyber hack or something. Which is ironic because I'm probably wishing it myself to it now, to be honest.

Yeah. You know, it also comes from trauma and trauma can be generational and it actually does get passed down in DNA. So, like, I don't. I know nothing about your dad except for what you've shared with me. There might have been a moment where all their money was taken from them.

Okay, so I can tell you exactly what this is. His dad was an alcoholic and he was actually a restaurant owner in London. Being a chef even. I mean, it's still pretty stressful now, but back then it was ridiculous, Right? He would get super stressed Friday night, he'd get his money and he just like, literally go to the pub, drink it all, come home, be abusive to his mum and. And him. Not physically, but just like verbally.

Oh. I mean, it's abuse even if he weren't doing anything because the parent is unpredictable and you don't know if you're safe. The parent doesn't have to do really anything when they're an alcoholic for it to be abusive to the child. Right. You know, it's just like it's instability. You don't know, like how to predict this adult that you're supposed to be able to predict for your own safety. So that absolutely had an impact on his DNA, which got passed down to you. When trauma like that happens, especially early on, it actually alters your DNA. It alters the chemical components of how your DNA is passed on. So there are two ways to respond to this. And so, like, the shame you feel about being this way, like, you can't feel shame. Like there was. You had no choice in this. This is basically like, are you a PC or a Mac? A Mac can't help itself but be a Mac. You know, a PC can't help itself but be a PC. It's not like they can be like, oh man, like I have shame, I should be operating like the other one. This is your operating system and it's his operating system too. But there are two ways that. Or I mean, there are many ways, but here are two examples of how someone could respond to that kind of abuse. And that kind of childhood is a save everything. Because what if someone tries to come and take it? And I don't want to risk, like, if I don't have enough to like cover myself the other way. That's more of the maverick, hello way of doing it is money's not safe with me. So as soon as I get it, I have to get rid of it so no one can take it from me. So knowing that, like this is, this is like how you were raised, but also now, now you're aware of it, you get to start making some choices that are different. Also, the advice you gave your dad is very much romantic. And we'll get to that.

Okay?

The accumulator romantic dynamic is actually really interesting because the accumulator will look at their bank account and be like, oh my God, I have so much money. If I wanted to go to a four star resort for a whole week and have everything done and like do the spa one day and go jet skiing another day and all this stuff, like, I have enough money for that. And like that just gives me so much joy, right? The romantic on the other side is like, I want to go to the fucking spa. Like, let's go. That's where I get my joy is by going and doing the thing and actually enjoying life, right? So the fact that you have both, there's going to be constantly this tension between the two of them of, no, no, no, I have enough money. That's good enough. I have enough money to do it if I want to, that's good enough. And the romantic, no, but I just, I really want to go. Can we please God. But the romantic is like. And how I like to describe them, romantic is like if the romantic has a craving for a croissant, they're not just going to go to the grocery store and get a croissant from the bakery department, right? They're going to think of like, hey, what's my favorite bakery that has the best croissant? And they're like, oh, cool, it's that place. It's like 25 minutes away. And the croissants are like stupidly expensive, you know, like, like ridiculous. Way more expensive. But you know what? Like, if I want a croissant, I'm not going to settle. Like, I'm not going to be happy with anything else. Like, I have to go and have this croissant over here. Right. There's like this quality. And your accumulator is probably freaking the out because you're spending the time and you're spending the money and your nurturer is like, oh, but you could be doing all these other things for other people in that time and with that money. Right. But your romantics, like, no, but I just really want it. Like, it just, It'll make me so happy. So the romantic, the romantic's actually really good at bringing money in. But they don't like thinking about money money. Like, the idea of thinking about their money gives them so much anxiety because it's like they don't want to deal with it. They just want to, like, enjoy what money can bring them. Like your romantic was giving your dad advice the other night. Like, it was kind of your nurturer as well. But. And like that nurturer, like, response to, oh, well, I want to be able to buy you the car. Like, that's a nurturer response. But, like, the advice you're giving him was full on romantic. Now, his accumulator, I don't know what his other archetypes are, but it's very clear he's an accumulator as well. He's not going to take that advice. But it's also like, he takes joy from knowing he has that money and it can grow or it can just sit there and be like this safety egg. Yeah. When your romantic's not in power, though, you'll tend to spend money on the same stuff. But it comes from a, well, I deserve this. Like, I worked really hard or, you know, people just don't appreciate me. So I'm going to appreciate myself, you know, I'm not. And mix with the resentment that can come up in the nurturer relationships where you're giving, giving and not getting the same amount back. Right. Because it comes from a place of, like, I don't feel appreciated, I don't feel celebrated by other people. Okay. I have to do it for myself.

Fascinating.

The romantic will spend money on things that they genuinely enjoy, you know, versus the celebrity, which is my third. Will spend money on things that look good, you know, that, like, feel like, you know, all the trimmings of someone who would be successful.

Right.

It doesn't really care about how they look. If you're wearing fleece lined Sweatpants, like, if they just feel so good, like you're going to wear them, you don't care. That looks stupid. All these things build up to you being set up to provide a really incredible service to your clients. Right. Because the nurturer wants you to make sure that you're giving a lot to your clients. And the romantic is always going to set up a really thoughtful experience. So the fact that you keep Zencast or just for me, because I need the visual feedback, that's a romantic move. That is because, like, you understand that the experience matters. You know, it's. Oh, no, the experience matters. So, like, if you were ever to do a retreat, romantics are really good at curating those kinds of experiences, right? Because they know what they would like. They know it would make them feel good. You know, the fact that you're on about Blue Yetis and, like, get really persnickety about the types of microphones you have, your people have and the quality of the podcast that you produce, like, that's a romantic. Because you know the experience of listening and you know the difference it makes.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah. So you have some really incredible strengths here. And also, like, there are some challenges that we're just gonna have to work through.

All right, I'm up for the challenge.

Okay, so here's your homework. I want you to go, and I want you to find five other examples of how you make choices or, like, conundrums you find yourself in and start pointing to, like, here's what my nurturer has to say, and here's what my accumulator has to say, and here's what my romantic has to say. Right? Because the more you, I, like, see how you're behaving in your real life and identifying how each one of them is kind of showing up, the more aware you'll be able to be in the future. Okay, that's your homework for right now. If you're ready to stop being a weenie and actually run a business that makes money, then go ahead and book a generate income strategy call with me by going to weeniecast.com forward/strategy call. On this call, we will talk about your goals, your dream dreams, and your frustrations in getting there. And if it's a fit for both of us, then we can talk about different ways to work together. If you're enjoying this episode, would you do me a small favor? Will you please leave me a review? Don't worry. It's super easy to do and it only takes a few minutes. You can leave your comments in Apple podcasts Castbox, Spotify and Podchaser. Just go to weenicast.com reviews and scroll till you find the chosen app. That's weenicast.com reviews.