In this episode of the How to Live in Denmark podcast, host Kay Xander Mellish shares a personal story about her daughter burying a phone, which escalated into a web of lies and a punitive response that shocked Danish parents. The narrative serves as a springboard to contrast American and Danish attitudes toward punishment. Mellish explains that Danish culture favors dialogue over penalties for minor misbehaviour, relying instead on a pervasive system of fines for infractions ranging from ticket violations to late bill payments, all linked to the national CPR number. She describes Denmark’s high-trust society—unlocked bikes, unattended coats, children using public transport alone—and how this trust shapes a passive policing model where police are rarely visible and investigations can be hampered by lack of identification. The episode highlights the impact of foreign criminal gangs, noting that about 20% of Danish prisoners are non‑Danish, and points out that the Danish response to theft is not harsher punishment but extensive insurance coverage for virtually anything. Mellish concludes that while Denmark remains largely peaceful, the most formidable authority is the tax system, which enforces fines and benefits. The podcast ends with promotional mentions of the How to Live in Denmark book, the KXM Group sponsor, and social media calls to action.
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Hi, and welcome to the How to Live in Denmark podcast. I'm Kay Xander Mellish. I have a daughter, and a couple of years ago she buried her mobile phone in the sandbox at school. She buried her mobile phone deep in the sand, too deep to hear it ring, and then she couldn't find it. She dug and she dug, and then she panicked and she blamed another girl. She said the other girl had buried her phone in the sandbox. Pretty soon lie piled on top of lie, and we ended up with a Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton type situation where— Where the lies were far worse than the original crime. When we finally unraveled it all, I had to apologize to the other girl's mother. And I punished my daughter, who was old enough to know better. I took her screens away— her online games and her YouTube access. I took them away for a month. The Danish parents around me were horrified. The idea of punishment in Danish eyes is Old-fashioned and maybe a bit criminal in itself. From the Danish point of view, almost all problems can be solved by talking about them. The Danish parents believed I should have simply spoken strongly to my daughter and explained to her that it's not okay to get someone else in trouble while trying to save your own butt after doing something colossally stupid. The explanation is the remedy. By adding a penalty, they believe I was just being an adult bully. Now, that doesn't mean there are no penalties in Denmark. The Danes are big on fines. You'll see the controllers prowling the S-trains in Copenhagen, asking to see tickets and raining down a giant fine on those who don't have them. Even if you do have a ticket, but not precisely the correct ticket, you still get the fine. No questions allowed, no pity. You can get a fine for bicycling aggressively, and you get an automatic fine for paying a bill even one day late. And because Denmark has a centralized system based around your CPR number, these fines get added to your taxes or taken away from your government benefits. So really, there's no avoiding them. Larger crimes leave Danes at a loss. This is a society built on trust. You see that trust everywhere: coats left on unguarded coat racks, bikes barely locked, children as young as 7 or 8 taking public transportation by themselves. At my post office, people send their expensive packages by putting them in a big open bin. It wouldn't take a very bright or ambitious criminal to just take the package back out again and be on his way. Danish society is not set up to expect criminal behavior or to guard against it. When that trust is broken, Danes kind of don't know what to do. My daughter's school is in a suburb of Copenhagen, and nearly every weekend someone smashes up the local S-train station. They break the elevator and they write graffiti all over the walls and the windows. Break the benches. Now, there's a working video camera in the station, so in my American naïveté, I said, why not look at the video and find out who it is and arrest that person? Oh, it's not that easy, say the Danes I've spoken to. You might have the video, but you might not know who they are in the video or be able to track them down. Very passive. Policing in general seems very passive in Denmark. You rarely see police officers in Copenhagen, which is unusual for a big city. But you do hear constant announcements in the trains and train stations that pickpockets are loose. Criminal gangs from Eastern Europe have discovered that Denmark's an easy mark. They don't see a society built on trust and respect. They see a lot of unsecured villas in fancy neighborhoods filled with designer housewares that are easy to resell. At one point, the police started searching the baggage room of a daily bus service to Romania and found almost everything that had been stolen in burglaries the day before. 20% of the prisoners in Danish jails are now foreigners. The Danish response to crime is again not punishment. The Danish response is to buy more insurance. You can insure just about anything in Denmark: insure your home against theft, or your bike against theft, or your mobile phone against theft. And you can insure your keychain. This is my keychain. It has a little tag on it, so if it's lost or stolen, someone can just drop it in the mailbox and it will be sent to the insurance company, who will send it back to me. Now, all in all, Denmark is still a mostly peaceful place, and the people you really have to fear in Denmark are not the criminals. The people you really have to fear in Denmark are the tax authorities. And that's How to Live in Denmark for this week. Please tell your friends about this podcast if you think they might be interested, and join us on our Xander Mellish Facebook page or at howtoliveindenmark.com. This week's podcast is sponsored by the KXM Group. We do English communications in Copenhagen, and we make you look good in English. Music arranged by George Garvis. See you next week. Remember, the How to Live in Denmark book is available for download on amazon.com. You can read it on any phone or tablet. All you need is the Kindle app, and the Kindle app is free. The book's not free, but it's not very expensive either. If you read the book and enjoy it, please leave a review on your local version of amazon.com. It helps other people find the book and find the podcast.
