In this episode of the How to Live in Denmark podcast, host Kay Xander Mellish shares his personal experience raising a daughter in Denmark and explains how the Danish childcare and education system prioritises social development over early academic pressure. He describes the near‑universal, state‑subsidised daycare system, its role as a tool for social engineering and the introduction of the cultural norm Jantelov, which discourages standing out and fosters equality. Mellish outlines how Danish schools focus on friendships, belonging and self‑confidence, delaying formal reading instruction until age eight or nine and postponing standardized testing until mid‑teens. He highlights Denmark’s supportive work‑life balance—short workdays, paid sick leave, home‑visiting nurses, and affordable health checks—that enables parents to participate fully in this system. Through anecdotes, including a comparison of an Indian family’s children raised in Denmark versus India, he argues that Danish upbringing produces confident, self‑reliant, and well‑rounded individuals. He also reflects on the challenges of maintaining his own cultural heritage while raising a child in a society that differs from his American upbringing. The episode concludes with a promotion of the How to Live in Denmark book, upcoming live events, and social‑media channels.
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Hello and welcome to the How to Live in Denmark podcast. I'm Kay Xander Mellish. If you stay in Denmark for longer than a semester or a single work assignment, You, too, may find yourself having children here, as I have. My daughter is now almost 10 years old. It's not a bad thing. Denmark is a pretty good place to raise children. Working hours are short, and it's perfectly okay to leave work at 3 or 4 o'clock to pick up your kids. There's a good system for early childhood health. A nurse visits your home when your child is a baby, and later there are regular checkups with a doctor. If your child has the sniffles, you can take off work and stay home with her. The first 2 days are paid time off. And of course, there's the daycare system. It's not free, but it's reasonably priced, and it's nice to be able to drop off your kid in a safe place with trained people when you go to work. In some countries, there's a lot of controversy about whether very young children should be in daycare or at home with their parents. Not in Denmark. 97% of kids go to daycare, even the children of the royal family. Even the future king, currently known as 8-year-old Prince Christian, went to daycare. Everyone goes to daycare partly because the Danish tax structure means both parents have to go to work. But Danish daycare is also social engineering. It's about creating that equality and community spirit that everyone prizes in Denmark. Daycare is the first step to making your child more Danish than wherever you came from. The famous Jantelov is introduced in daycare, the Jantelov being that you're not allowed to be better than anyone else, and you should be ashamed for trying. In Denmark, ambition is embarrassing. For example, one day I was there to pick up my daughter, and since it was a spring day and she wasn't done with her sandcastle yet, I sat on the edge of the sandbox and waited. There was a little boy there who was just starting to take his first steps, holding on to the side of the sandbox. I got really excited. I said, come on, you can do it! You're good at this! Good boy! One of the Danish daycare supervisors came over, shaking her head. She said, I think he knows he's good at walking. The Jantelov is part of all Danish education. There's no elite education here, no gifted and talented programs. If your child is better than the others at a certain subject, his job is to help the students who are not as good. Now, if you come from a competitive society— the U.S., the U.K., China, India— that can be a bit of a shock. There's no competition in Danish education. The kids work in groups. There are no competitive schools you have to fight to get into. There's no standardized testing until the kids are 15 or 16. And there are relatively few tests within the daily school lessons. In Danish school, your child's social life is considered what's most important. Does she have friends? Can she get along with the other children in the class? Does he like to go to school? Does he fit in? The idea is that if a child is socially comfortable in school— if he or she wants to go to school— then academic success will follow. Children in Danish schools don't learn to read very well until they're 8 or 9. This can be a little embarrassing if you go home for a visit. Your kid's cousins of the same age are tearing through the 3rd volume of Harry Potter while your kid can barely read the menu at McDonald's. But they do catch up. Keep in mind that Denmark has one of the highest educational levels in the world and is home to some really big biotech companies, high-end sound equipment companies. The system seems to work on some level. What's more, the children are very self-assured and ready to take responsibility for themselves. Even when they're very small, they're expected to sort out their own problems to the extent they can without intervention from adults. I met a woman from India once who had a sister who had immigrated to Denmark. They had sons of about the same age. This woman's son was raised in India while her nephew was raised in Denmark. The boys were now men in their early 20s, both at university, and according to this woman, her nephew raised in Denmark was much more mature, much more confident. much more able to run his own life. Her own son was very good with the dry stuff of academics, but her nephew was pretty good at that too, and he was more of a well-rounded person, she said. So if you raise children in Denmark, you have to be ready to go with the flow. Of course, you don't have to give up your own culture entirely, but one of the ironies I find is that you end up teaching your child about your culture as you knew it, as opposed to the way the culture is now. For example, we watch a lot of old TV shows in my house, the shows I watched when I was a child. I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch. They're good shows, but my child gets a very old-fashioned version of American culture and American English. I heard her saying something was groovy the other day. I don't think anyone in the U.S. has said groovy since the 1970s. I feel like I'm raising a child in contemporary Denmark and in an America that no longer exists. And that's How to Live in Denmark for this week. We're looking to set up more How to Live in Denmark live events, so if your organization would be interested in holding one, get in touch at howtoliveindenmark.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at How2LiveInDK, the 2 is a number, and on our Facebook page, Xander Mellish. Not Kay Xander Mellish, just Xander Mellish. I'm trying to get Facebook to change the name to How to Live in Denmark, but That's difficult. Anyway, music arranged by George Garvis. See you next week. Remember, the How to Live in Denmark book is available for download on amazon.com. You can read it on Any phone or tablet. All you need is the Kindle app, and the Kindle app is free. The book's not free, but it's not very expensive either. If you read the book and enjoy it, please leave a review on your local version of amazon.com. It helps other people find the book and find the podcast.
