In this solo podcast episode, Kay Xander Mellish explores Denmark’s pervasive quietness, describing how it is embedded in everyday life, law, and social expectations. He explains legal restrictions on car horns, church bells, and the presence of silent train cars, and advises newcomers to keep their voices low and maintain a flat, composed tone. Mellish outlines the few situations where noise is socially acceptable—home renovations, gardening, student wagon celebrations, and milestone birthday parties—while noting how foreigners often breach these norms, leading to cultural friction. He also contrasts the quiet demeanor of Danes at home with their louder behavior abroad, sharing anecdotes that illustrate both the charm and the challenges of navigating Danish sound etiquette. The episode concludes with a call to action for presentations and contact information.
Chapters
Hello, and welcome to the How to Live in Denmark podcast. I'm Kay Xander Mellish. Travel brochures usually talk about the sights and the smells and the tastes of a new place, but They don't always talk about the sound of a place. Denmark has a sound, a default sound. And that sound is quiet. Denmark is a quiet country, even within the cities. Especially this time of year, February, when it's too cold to do anything but scurry from place to place, and when the street cafés are closed and no one wants to eat their lunch in the park. The Danes are hibernating in their homes until the spring. And especially when a blanket of snow covers the cities and countryside, then everything around you will be beautifully, peacefully, totally quiet. The Danish quiet can freak out a lot of internationals when they first arrive. If you've read my first book, you'll know I tell the story of a refugee who had just arrived in Denmark from Cairo, Egypt, and he asked another more established refugee to show him downtown Copenhagen. The established friend took him to Strøget on, I don't know, a 9 PM Tuesday night in February. And the refugee was like, this is not a city. There's no one here. He accused his friend of tricking him. But it was the city. It was the capital city. And it was very, very quiet. The Danes have a lot of respect for quiet. If you ask a Danish friend how things are going in his life, he's likely to say, Ah, still a rolig, still a rolig, which Google Translate renders as quiet and quiet. Quiet is written into the laws in Denmark. Car horns are rarely heard, for example, because it's against the law to use them unless you are in immediate danger. Now, I learned to drive in Manhattan, when you use your horn every 3 or 4 seconds, so this was a big change for me. Church bells in Denmark are only allowed to chime at certain times of the week. And most trains in Denmark, both local S-trains and national trains, have a silent car. If you choose to sit there, you are not allowed to make any noise at all. When you come to Denmark, you are expected to live your life in a quiet way. One of the things I tell newcomers at my Welcome to Denmark speeches is that they should try to never raise their voice, even if they're angry. This is a flat country with a flat hierarchy, and it's important to keep a flat, composed tone at all times. When the Danes are angry, they get direct, and sometimes they get pretty insulting, but they don't get loud. If you're subject to heated fits of temper, you'll be written off as that crazy foreigner that nobody can trust. Interestingly, the foreigners who have been here for a while tend to police the newcomers. We had one in the Americans group on Facebook the other day saying, can't you people tone down your loud voices when you're in Denmark? It's so embarrassing! I mean, it's true. You do hear Americans and other foreigners being a little bit too loud in public, in particular on their phones. On the trains, you'll hear internationals from many different places having lively phone conversations in their own languages, while the Danes sit silently and glower at them. Of course, there are occasions when the Danes can be loud, too. The Danish national passion is fixing up one's home or apartment. So any type of sawing or banging or buzzing connected with this is considered totally necessary and just something the neighbors will have to put up with. The same is true for gardening noise— mowers and clippers and electric tree saws and such. And there are some types of parties that are allowed to be noisy. The annual student wagons that drive around in June with teenagers who have just finished their schooling are extremely loud, with music and whistles and air horns. Your neighbors may also plan a loud all-night party from time to time, usually on a round birthday like 20 or 30 or 40. If you live in an apartment building, they may put a sign in the hallway warning you in advance so you can, I don't know, go buy earplugs or stay at a friend's house. Just a side note, these signs in the hallway often say, we're having a party, sorry about the noise, Feel free to stop by and join us. They don't really want you to do this. The idea is that if you're invited, you won't complain about the noise. But this can be misunderstood by internationals. A friend told me about some very sweet Chinese girls who thought this sign meant that they were really invited to their neighbor's party. They showed up beautifully dressed, and then there wasn't enough food for them. Major cultural embarrassment for the Danes. Major. At any rate, Denmark is generally a quiet place, and the Danes are generally quiet when they are in Denmark. When they're outside Denmark, not so much. Anyone who travels during the school holidays will have had the experience of being in Budapest or Tokyo or Texas and feeling very far from Denmark, and then suddenly hearing something like, "Far? Hvad synes du om det her? Er det ikke meget pænt?" Danes love to travel. You will find them everywhere. And when Danes go abroad, they are not always quiet. This is partly because they often believe Danish is a secret language that can be understood by no one but themselves, and they can say whatever they want, as loud as they want, in total privacy. Of course, it doesn't always work that way. An old boss of mine told me of landing in the airport in Chicago in the U.S. And finding himself on the escalator behind a lady with a large backside. He turned to his Danish companion and said, in Danish of course, now we're in USA, the land of the big butts. The lady turned around, smiled, and said, in Danish, this big butt comes from Denmark. After an experience like that, one might want to go back to being quiet. And that's the How to Live in Denmark podcast for this week. Book me for a presentation to your group at howtoliveindenmark.com, or get in touch via Facebook at How to Live in Denmark, or Twitter at How to Live in DK. We're on Instagram now too at How to Live in Denmark. Thanks to Johan Højer for the use of his wonderful studio in Copenhagen. Tak fordi du lyttede. See you next time.
