Why Work-Life Balance is Failing You (And What to Do Instead)

Foreign. What's up, guys? Welcome to Pelby Biz Podcast. I'm your host, Kelly Alhui. Today I'm going to talk about the integration of work and life. I truly believe it is not a balance. I think most people are trying to find this balance between work and life and they truly define it as, as different entities. And I feel like it just leads to people getting disappointed and not happy in life. And if you truly want to be happy, you have to find ways of how you can integrate the work into your life and vice versa. And so today's episode is going to be on how to not be disappointed in life and, and be able to integrate in a way that feels right for you. And I just wanna give you ideas of how you can get things to align because when you're in alliance, and I say this in a way of when you're in a happy marriage, when your work is fulfilling, when your kids are healthy, when your dog is healthy, when you feel that you yourself feel amazing and ready to take on the world, when all of that aligns, you create some epic things. But if just one of those are off, just one, like, let's say you're having trouble in your marriage, if one of those are off, it will derail the entire kids, you, everything business. It will derail the whole thing. It will. Because you can't put your attention to something else when something else is not aligning because you're constantly then going to be questioning, should I do this thing, should I not, should I do this thing or not, instead of staying focused on being aligned and doing the things. So I always say this. Each problem you handle, you'll get better at handling the next one. And if you want great things in your life, then expect big problems. I think that's huge. To set the expectation. Many people say they want the big thing, but there's very few people that are willing to go through all the pain to get the big thing. And at the end of the day, I see it a lot on Instagram. People put out their wins all the time on Instagram, but they don't tell you all the losses that they had or all the pain they went through during the whole process to get there. And I think that's just a really good reminder for some of you guys to understand that, yeah, you may see someone's finish line, but you were not with them through all the trials and the tribulations and all the failures and all that kind of stuff. So just be mindful of that, that if you're not where you're at where you want to be today, then there is still a chance that you can do that. It's just don't look at someone else's wins and be like, oh, I'm not winning, because I don't have that thing just yet. Because you can get there. And I. And I think the more that you can align your life with work and life, the more that you will get what you say you actually want. But you just have to be willing to do the work, hard work, to get what you actually want. I think that's very important. So I also said this. I'm finding more and more people are happier with integrating and with integration. Okay. Because let me give you an example. So number one, if you have a dog like I do, and you absolutely love her like I do, okay, why don't you create a Pilates and dog day where you bring. You have this event, you have a Pilates instructor or you teach, and everyone brings their dog and their dog gets to sit by them on a mat and all the dogs get to meet and you actually get to do your Pilates. So here's what it's hitting with this. Number one, it makes me feel amazing because I get to bring basically my child everywhere, and I absolutely love that, and she is welcome. Number two, I get to give to myself by doing Pilates. Number three, it makes me feel even more comfortable because my dog is sitting next to me and I don't want to leave my dog at home because she loves to be next to me and I like to take her everywhere. So I think that's very important when it comes to integration. And when you're able to integrate, that's when everything aligns and that's when you feel the happiest. So that's just like one example. Another example would be if you have kids and you want to hang out with them and you want to bring them to work, right? Create a mom's walking group where once a week you guys meet up in a park and they walk and get to ask you questions. And everyone has their strollers or everyone has their kids and they're holding their hand and you're creating a walking path while they get to ask questions. So it's like a walk with the doc and your kids. So again, you're hitting a three for here. You're getting your kid to go for a walk. You're hanging out with your kid and giving them attention, and you feel good about it because you're also giving to yourself by walking and Maybe you're also getting knowledge from a doctor that maybe you wouldn't have gotten somewhere else. So that's another example. Then that could be weekly, and that creates community as well. So maybe part of that, too is you also just want a mom group to talk about pee, poop, schedule, whatever it may be that you now have cultivated because you're doing these walks. That's really important because community is huge. So that, like, checks all the boxes. And you could also get a client from this walk because a client may say to you, yeah, I really have this question I want to ask. Okay, great. Oh, you know what, Sally, why don't you come in this week and let's get you in for an eval so that we can figure out, you know, what the next steps are for you. Because I can't really solve it right now as we walk, but you'd be a great candidate for this. Okay, great. Yeah, let me get you on the schedule right now. So now I improve my business, I improve myself, I help my child out, all while doing things that align and integrate into my life. Rather than you saying, you know what, I got to go to this event tonight and I got to leave the kids at home and I got to get a babysitter and I just got to go there and show up and do a speech and then I'll be back. Like, that's not really aligning. Then it doesn't align. So then don't do that because then you're going to hate what you do. Then you're going to become resentful because now that thing is taking away time from your kids and you're going to be like, why am I doing this? So don't do it. Do something else that aligns and don't do what other people are doing. That's also what I have to say. Okay, the next thing I have is if you love to work out and you love going to the gym, then do events that are hosted at your CrossFit gym and, like, bring a table. So basically what I'm saying is, let's just say I'm a person that I absolutely love going to my CrossFit gym. Well, why I'm there. Hey, guys, after the workout, I'm going to work on anyone, if anyone, for the next 30 minutes. If anyone wants any help. You bring your table, you set it up after the workout. You just integrate and help people. I'm hitting my workout, which is self care. I'm then helping promote my business because I'm there with a table. It's not taking me any extra time. I've already was going to drive to the gym. Okay, great. So that checks that box. And I feel fulfilled because now I actually get to help people. And for me, helping is my number one thing in life. I just love helping people. So I get all my boxes checked because I'm happy. I helped, I took care of myself, I'm helping promote my business. So now it's an integration. It's not an extra. It's not. I have to do this thing. I want to do this thing. Okay? Another way I'm talking about this is making sure that you just fit into your. Making sure everything kind of just fits into your life. And it's finding something that like, that has to go as well. So like if you, you got to make sure you integrate. So if you're like, look, I hate giving speeches because it does take away my kids time at 6 o' clock at night when I need to put them to bed, then don't do speeches. Get rid of speeches. Even if your competitors are doing them or even if Joe Smo's doing them. Don't do it if it doesn't align with you. If it doesn't align with you. Now there are some times that you will have to do things that you hate a hundred percent that is accurate. But if it doesn't align with you like a hundred percent and you're drawing like a hard line of like this needs to be aligning, well, then don't do it because then you're going to, like I said, hate it and hate that you just did it and then be pissed off about it and then not want to do it again. So don't do that to yourself. So how I do this is I use Pelvibiz Planner to create different buckets. Now imagine this. I want you guys to imagine this, okay? And I believe whatever is most important to me first, that's the thing that will be priority. So I have different buckets. So imagine you have a bucket of family. Imagine have a bucket for personal time. Imagine you have a bucket for business. And imagine you have a bucket for fitness. Those are kind of my tiers or my buckets. Okay, so then what I do is I first go to my calendar and I put where I want to take my personal time. That is my number one priority is where is my personal time going. And typically every six to eight weeks I block out a whole week and I just take off and I don't think about anything except for like where I want Things to go. That's it. And that right there is so impactful because it gives me clarity because I'm not in like the stressful state. I'm in a relaxing mode and my brain can process of where I see things going and what needs to happen. And then I come back with such a clear head and it feels so good because it's just so an alliance of what I feel the next step should be. I also block out for family time or if you don't, you know, it's just me and my husband and my dog. So we block out date nights. Okay, well, this is when we're going to go out for a date night. Okay, great. That's important. That's very, very important. I block out every single morning when I'm going to the gym so that no one can take that time. At 6:30 in the morning, I am at the gym. No one can take that time. Okay. I block out when I'm going to do business stuff. It's going to be between this time and this time. Now you have these hard blocks. However, it's also going to be integrated. So I put that on the calendar first, what I believe is most important, then after that I then will integrate things that need to be had from other people. So let's say, I don't know, someone named Sally in my program needs me to help them with a training or something like that. Okay, great. Well, now I look at my schedule because I've taken care of things that are already in alliance with me. So now I'm already happy and fulfilled. Now I can put Sally on my schedule without it interrupting my flow or my energy or me becoming pissed off about it. Because I now have taken care of all the things that align in my life so that I have energy to give to my people. Because when you don't have energy to give to your people, you're going to hate what you do. You're going to hate it. I don't care how obsessed you are right now with it, you will hate it because that thing will start to creep in even more and more and more onto that calendar and you'll be like, oh my God, I completely lost myself because I have given my arm, my heart, my toe to the business and I hate myself now. Oh, and by the way, I have this disease because I now neglected my health or oh, by the way, my child's not doing well because I wasn't able to give them the attention that they needed. Like, you don't want to be there and guys I can tell you the truth. I've been there. I was there for years. And I had to keep pushing through the thing that I absolutely hated to do because I became so resentful of the people that were taking my energy. But the problem was I didn't have any of this in place. It was me. I should have been pissed off at me. And I don't want you guys to get there to where you're so mad that you just give up. And you're like, I can't do this anymore. It's not worth it. That's when people tend to give up, like, for real. That's when they give up is because people have done them wrong and they can't get over it. But the reality is there wasn't boundaries that they kind of applied to themselves. So people took advantage of that. You can't blame them. They want help, you know? But I don't want you guys to make the same mistake that I did. So that's why I'm making this podcast today, to get you to understand of Truly how to integrate. And please stop saying the word. I want a work life balance. There is no such thing. So stop setting yourself up for a disappointment because you will be disappointed. 100% you will be disappointed. And so it also, by you setting your calendar up for what aligns with you first, there is then very little room for the things that you don't want to do to then be put on your schedule. Does that make sense? Like, isn't that cool? I think it's fascinating. This concept is, okay, great. I put all the things that I really want to do. Okay, great. Well, maybe I really don't want to have this meeting, but there's very little room for that. So I'm only going to put it in those spots that I have that have very little room for. Great. So now I do the least amount of what I actually don't want to do, which then sets you up for more happiness and more fulfillment in life. And I just think this. I just wish I could just yell this from the freaking rooftops. This changed my life. This literally changed my life. I got this idea from Jesse Itzler. He was one of my mentors. And it changed my life. It changed my life on what aligned with me and that it wasn't all about business. And that if I just focused on business, I was missing 95% of the boat. And I truly, for years, believed that if I took time, like, this is my own personal belief that if I took time for myself, If I took an hour or an hour and a half for myself, that I was losing out on that time to do business. And I wasn't happy about it because I'm obsessed with business. I love helping people. I love moving things forward. I'm just very curious. I always want to learn and grow. I'm always investing. Like, I'm always just like. Like, I'm always ready. I'm ready to talk business with my girlfriends. Like, that is my dream, okay? And for me, it was like, well, why do I want to give myself? But then I realized, if I don't give to myself, then you end up with that disease. You end up with that illness. And then you think, how did I get here? And then when you're sick, then you. How are you supposed to do anything else that you put on your calendar? You can't do anything, so why not make that a priority? And it wasn't until recently when I had to switch literally my whole entire environment to where I felt like, oh, my gosh, I can make this a priority now. And I had to get rid of things. I had to make big decisions. Part of this is why I let orthopelvic go. I had to make very big decisions on what was not aligning in my life. Orthopelic did not align in my life anymore. It was taking from me more than I wanted it to. And I just had to make the decision to let it go and put my attention elsewhere and put my attention on Pelvibiz, which I knew for the last three years, that that is 100% what I wanted to do. I just didn't know how to make that transition. And I got to a point where I just said, eff it, whatever's going to happen is going to happen, but I'm going to do this because I got some courage in me and I just said, let's go. And so, I mean, this is a big life decision. Like, big. And if it's not integrating, think about what can go. Even if it is something major like that. Not saying, you know, do that. I'm just saying be very mindful of that. If it doesn't align, how do you do it differently? How do you do it in a different way that does align? Think about it. How could I bring my kids to work every single day because that aligns with me? Or maybe that doesn't. Maybe you're like, look, I need time away from my kids, put them in daycare. That aligns more with me, okay? For me, I want to integrate My husband, as much as I can, I want to integrate my dog as much as I can. I want to integrate girlfriends. As much as I can, I want to integrate just talking about business as much as I can. Because I just love it. Like, those are the things that light me up. I want to now do more fitness, which I used to do tons of, but now I was. I'm back in the game of that. So I want to do more fitness and taking care of myself. And now I get two hours a morning that I literally am in the gym. Two hours, guys, in the morning doing the sauna and I'm doing the working out and I'm lifting the weights and I'm. I'm doing all the things every single morning I haven't taken off. And I really believe this time it's going to stick because I have now integrated my life and there isn't something over here that's just like, ra. It's like attacking me constantly of like, it doesn't align, but let me keep pushing through. It doesn't align, but let me keep pushing through. For those that know me, I'm a big pusher. I'll push and push and push and push, and I'll keep banging my head against the wall and I'll do it over and over and over and again. And I think it honestly becomes from when I had my learning disability in. In school, from first grade, all the way up through college, because I kept having to read the sentence and read the sentence and read it again and read again. I don't know what I just read. Let me read it again, let me read it again. Let me read it again. You know how much times that I had to keep rereading a sentence? You notice how much time that I had to just keep trying and keep trying and keep trying just to keep up and try to pass a test when everyone else, like, outside playing around, like, I'm built for it because I trained my whole life for it to be the pusher, because I was the pusher my whole entire life because I had no other option. That's how I made it through school, because I had a disability. Well, they labeled it as a disability, but now I think it's a superpower. Okay? And I believe it is what has gotten me to this point, to this day. Now we're on a whole nother podcast topic. But anyways, it's like, you gotta learn to integrate. But if there is something there that keeps hitting you in the head or that doesn't really align, how do you get rid of it. How do you freaking get rid of it? That's key. And then your life becomes another whole world. I can tell you, since I've been in California, my Life has done a three. No, a 180. I don't. I guess I got 180. It has been. Everything about it has changed, and it's changed quickly, and I'm happy about it in all the right ways. And I really, truly feel that it's the beginning of pelvis again. It's like a reboot of pelvis. We've been, you know, now a company for four years. I just believe it will only be healthy biz this year if I get to coach you this year. I just feel, like, really thankful and blessed for anyone that I get to coach this year, because I truly believe I will bring my best version of myself. And the energy that I can bring is, like, unstoppable. And when I get to give that energy to you guys and pass the confidence off and all that, it's game over for anyone I work with. So I'm super excited about that, and I'm ready for it, and I can't wait for it. So, yeah. So anyways, guys, this is how you integrate this. How I personally integrate as well. My work is and my life. And again, just don't try to balance it, because you will be highly disappointed. Try to integrate it. All right, guys, till next time. Peace.