It's only an inch on the map

My sister's funny. I mean, all our lives we didn't always agree, but it's not that, you know, it was anything out of the ordinary, you know, it was just brother and sister disagreement type things. And I realized with her being a year older, she might know a thing or two that I didn't know. But I didn't always want to hear it. She used to talk about how, you know, there were things that she knew about me and things she saw in me, and I'm like, yeah, whatever, because I didn't believe it. But she was the one that, you know, she did well in school. You know, everybody always asked me about her. You know, even when we were in— especially when we were in high school. Because when we were in high school, you know, she, she was the, the one that kind of stood out. She's tall, athletic. I guess she was smart. I mean, I don't know, you know, I didn't keep up on that part of it. But I would say she was smart. She was a member of the color guard, so, you know, leading the band, she was always there in the forefront. When it came to basketball, you know, she was something else. Played center for the, for the high school team, but well, it didn't matter if she was on the court, you know, playing with the team on the school, you know, at the school or at the playground, that, that 12 to 15 foot jump shot. Um, I mean, it was like money. It was going in. She put that thing up in the air and it was like, count it. And that thing was going in. She ran track, so she, she just was that one. And she was tough, you know. She'd be out there with the guys playing football. She didn't hesitate to put a foot in your chest or give you that stiff arm and run on by you. That was just her. She's also someone who gave me some of the best advice anyone ever gave me. I remember, you know, being in 10th grade and, you know, still getting bullied. It was actually my 10th year getting bullied, and she gave me the greatest advice that anyone could ever give me. She said, "I'm tired of you coming home beat up. Every time you come home beat up, I'm gonna beat you up." Now, to some people that may sound a little harsh, but it was some of the greatest advice I ever gotten because that next day I went in and fought one of my bullies. And just fighting back was enough for everyone to leave me alone. So I was grateful for that. She also said something, you know, and this is, you know, not long ago when we were talking about old stuff, that made me laugh. She said, "I always knew that you would be a great truck driver." And I was like, "Why is that?" And she said, "Because something you did when we were little." The home that my parents still live in today, you know, was built when we were kids. You know, there were a lot of people that had their hands in building it. It's a 3-bedroom rancher. You know, it was a great place to call home when we were growing up. A good neighborhood. It was safe, you know, just, just, it was just, it was just fine being there. When we moved there, you know, my mom said, you know, this is our home. I don't know, for whatever reason, it didn't quite register with me that it was where we're going to live. Some time had went by, not a lot of time, but I decided, you know what, I'm going to go home. So I climbed out my window, started to make my way through the neighborhood. As you start to come out of the neighborhood, there's the railroad tracks where the freight trains run, and I just walk down the railroad tracks into the next town. Once you get into that next town, then there's a big park that they have, and I walked through the park, and where the park ended was where the housing development is. So, you know, I'm walking past the homes and the apartments and things like that in that town. Not concerned about much of anything. Every now and then I hear dog bark, you know, and I might get a little nervous, that kind of thing. But I didn't see anything, I would just hear them. Might pick up my pace a little bit, so I just kept going. Once I get through that part of town, then I'm back in our town again, just in another part, another section of it. Once I get through that section, I'm going past the high school. The elementary school is not far from there, so, you know, I'm just making my way down through town. Go past a bunch of houses, the municipal building, the library, all that good stuff. You know, I'm just strolling along because to me I'm just going home. Then I get to the first major intersection, a 6-lane highway. Now, now there's a way to walk over the highway. You know, they made a walkway for pedestrians, which is cool. But at that time, there wasn't anything like that. So I just waited for traffic to clear and cross the 6-lane highway. Well, once I did that, all of a sudden I hear someone call my nickname. Porchop, where you going? Now, I don't know who it is in the car that's saying that. So I immediately take off running. Well, at that traffic light was a 7-Eleven, and the lady goes to the pay phone and calls my mom and says, um, do you know where your son is? She said, yeah, he's in his room. That lady said, "No, I don't think so." Well, at the time I didn't know that was one of my mom's best friends, so she knew me very well, knew the family very well. So she says, "Hold on a minute." So my mom puts the phone down because, you know, back then, you know, we're not the Flintstones, but there were no cell phones back then. So she goes and looks in my room and sees the room is empty and the window is open. And she just shakes her head. She comes back to the phone and she asks her friend, she goes, "Where are you?" She said, "Yeah, I'm at the 7-Eleven, you know, at the highway." And all my mom says is, "I know where he's going, but thank you for letting me know." My mom hangs up the phone and then she calls ahead because she knew exactly where I was going. And she lets them know that I'm on the way. And of course they're puzzled. They're like, what do you mean? It's like, I'll explain it when I get there. They're like, okay, well, we'll see you when you get here. So I get to my destination and I knock on the door. Kila. And of course they're like, Where's everybody else at? I was like, I don't know. So then I go in, I sit down and start watching television. Next thing you know, I'm asked if I need, you know, wanted any snacks. And like, sure, you know, of course, you know, I'm 4 years old. So I'm eating snacks and watching television. A little while later, my mom arrives and they're like, "What's going on?" So my mom explains, because he's lived here until now, until moving into the new home, I have a feeling he thinks he lives here. So they come in the room and she says, 'So what's going on?' And I said, 'I'm home.' And she said, 'No, your home is at the new house.' She said— and I said, 'No, you said that that was your home.' Grandmom and Grandpop always said this was my home, so I came back home. Well, they all laughed about it, but to me it made sense. Now, my sister, she says that that's the first time I ran away. I say no, it was just, you know, a misunderstanding. I've had my share of misunderstandings, you know, throughout my life. But one of the things that's funny is I've learned from them. Even if it was a hard lesson, I learned from them. When you stop and think about it, On the surface, yeah, definitely scary and dangerous because anything could have happened, but I was never afraid. I was determined just to go back home because that was the understanding that I had because my grandparents always said, "This is your home." Nothing against, you know, where we moved to. I was just a literal person, you know. My sister says that was the first time I ran away. I say it was more of a misunderstanding, but you know, the jury's still delivering. I did run away from home more than once. Never got very far. I always seemed to navigate my way back to my grandparents' house. My grandfather passed away when I was 18, but the last 12 years of my grandmother's life, I lived there with her. It was, it was a nice place to be. But I was also going through a lot then. You know, when I moved in with her was right around the time where my drug issues had escalated, drugs and alcohol. I mean, I was, you know, partying hard then. My mentality was different, you know. Then it was, okay, you know, people say, you know, you should change what you're doing, and hey, you know, let's get it together because tomorrow's not promised to anyone. And they never liked my response to that. My response is Neither is the end of today. Oftentimes it would quiet the whole room when I said that. But I never looked at myself as living beyond the age of 30. I was counting the disasters instead of counting the blessings that I had, which was getting through those disasters. At times it's a little unsettling to look back at it, but because I have a humorous approach to life, I, I look at how humorous it was, and because of that, it doesn't upset me. That I went through the things that I went through, that I had the struggles that I had. I mean, I still struggle with some things today, but I'm no different than anyone else. We all have our own struggles, and those things were lessons for me. I didn't know I had that kind of resilience because I didn't see what other people saw. But I'm glad that my mind shifted to other things, to where I can look at it as, wow, yeah, that was difficult, but hey, I got through it. And it was followed up by another difficult time, but I got through that as well. And I could just keep stacking the deck on the difficult times, and we could be here for a long time talking about those times. But instead I focus on the good times. One of the funniest things I've ever heard from someone who's, you know, studied, you know, behavior and things like that is I was told that being a positive thinker is wearing a mask. And I disagree with that person because to them, if you're a positive thinker, that you're dismissing negative things. And I don't do that. I acknowledge them. I realize they're, you know, all of us, we're surrounded by things that are negative each and every day. But I've learned the difference between defining my life by the negative things and knowing the difference between acknowledging it and embracing it. I acknowledge those bad times, and I realize that those bad times have never lasted. They just haven't. And because I look at things in a positive way, it's why I continue to grow and continue to be successful in things that I do, unlike people who will always say, "Yeah, but..." I didn't want to be that person. I was that person. You know, it goes back to something I've talked about before, that yeah, it wasn't all bad, and the times that it was good, I was just waiting to see how long it was before everything fell apart. Didn't matter that all the bills were paid, my car's running great, got money not only in my pocket but in the bank. You know, things were just going well, but I couldn't even enjoy it then because I was sitting around thinking about, okay, well, um, what's next? I know it's coming. It's going to be something bad, and it's probably going to be worse than the time before, and etc. You know, I was just building this thing up in my head. And I realized a lot of those things that came to me that were negative were things that I created. I acknowledged the fact that things could go wrong for any reason. It kind of takes me back to when I had some of the most traumatic times when I was truck driving. Now, the first company I worked for, you know, we're rolling through Colorado because they were— they had a license to carry alcohol products. So I went to a beer distributor there, and it's in the middle of winter. We had this routine that a lot of people didn't follow. And I understand it because, you know, we're in conditions where it may be -10, you know, we're on— we're in a mountain picking up beverages. And part of the routine is when you drop an empty trailer, you get underneath there and you drain that tank. It's a quick open and close thing. It only takes a few seconds. But it was to help any condensation that built up in the tank from freezing once you dropped the trailer. It wasn't foolproof, but it definitely was helpful when you did. You had less chance of having frozen airlines. Well, not everyone wanted to get down on the ground in -10 degree weather just to do that procedure. I understand it. Didn't like it because I'm a safety-first kind of person, but it was a place where you drop and hook a trailer. You take a fully loaded trailer out of there, so you're grossing 80,000 pounds, and from there heading back to the warehouse in Salt Lake City, Utah. So in the middle of winter, being out in that part of the country They get winters. It's snow, it's ice, it's wind, it's winding roads, it's mountains. I mean, they get conditions. Well, I go to this place and I walk through my procedures and it feels like everything's right with the trailer. So I thought. But once you start your way down the mountain, and they do have what they call runaway ramps, which is cool, you know, and if you're able to safely navigate toward that runaway ramp, you know, you take it if necessary. But there is nothing more terrifying than going down a mountain with 80,000 pounds of freight and it's pushing you because your trailer brakes do not work. And the roads aren't straight, they're winding, they're twisty, they're up and down. I mean, it was quite a ride. I ended up making it to the bottom of this one particular mountain, and I was grateful. I didn't even know if I'd get my hands off the steering wheel because I was gripping it so tight. The conditions were so icy that trying to position myself correctly for a runaway ramp was going to be a little tricky, and I didn't want to jackknife. So I rode it out. I get back to the warehouse in Salt Lake City safely, park the truck, and all I could do is sit there. I was grateful. I was praying the whole way, and I was grateful that my prayers were answered and was able to make it back. No harm, no foul. Freight was intact, the equipment was intact. I got my bearings back. On to the next run. A few months later, I end up back at the same place, and I go through the same procedure, and everything feels right. But I also realize I'm on a flat surface when I'm testing the brakes. Feels like things are grabbing. The second time there, wasn't sure because there were icy conditions in the parking lot. All I'm saying is, okay, let me say this prayer before I leave and head on out, hoping for better results. And instead, it was the same ride. So here I am with no brakes, 80,000 pounds, doing the best that I could in training to gear down, hoping just to make it to the bottom safely, not injuring anyone, not damaging anything, not losing my life. And it's like, here we go again. But I was grateful for the same result when I got to the bottom of that mountain, that I was able to ride out that roller coaster. I was grateful for the skills that I developed just in a few months' time. But this time, when I get back to the yard after sitting there for a little bit, send a message to my dispatcher and say, hey, you in the office? It's like, yeah. It's like, yeah, I was going to talk to you about something when I come in. He's like, is everything all right? He's like, yeah, everything's fine. He said, okay. I go into his office and I said, well, I didn't tell you about the first times. I figure, you know, things can happen, but I'm 2 for 2. And he's like, okay. I said, twice I've been to the same location and twice I lost the brakes on the trailer. I did my part, and unfortunately, because I didn't have much experience at that time, I'm thinking that all the checks and balances are in order, and they were not. And I lost my brakes twice. I'm letting you know I'm not going back there again. He gives me this look. It's almost like he was relieved that it wasn't more than that. Not that it wasn't anything serious, you know, he got the perspective of what I was saying. But he says, you know what, I'm not going to send you there anymore. He said, I appreciate you coming in, let me know what's going on. It also gives me a heads up that people are not doing what they should, but you don't have to worry about that going again. And he kept his word. I never went there again, which I'm grateful for. The experiences I had on the road were incredible, but they were also head-scratchers. I went to Michigan for the first time, to Kalamazoo, and it was like, okay, this is Michigan, you know. I'm thinking of going to Detroit, you know, Motor City, because I've always heard about it when I was a kid, but right now I'm in Kalamazoo. I made my delivery in Kalamazoo. We had Qualcomm computer systems in the truck, so they sent all the information to the truck. I didn't have to call in every time. They gave me a pickup in another part of Michigan. Okay, excellent. I head over there, no incidents, no issues. I go and pick it up, let them know I arrived, and I get this urgent message coming across the screen. I'm like, okay. I call in and say, hey, what's going on? Well, my dispatcher was away from his desk, so someone who's filling in said, what's going on? I said, nah, nothing, I just arrived, you know, everything's fine. I checked in, you know, that backed me into it. I backed into a door and they're going to get me loaded, you know, I'll be out of here in a little while. I'll let you know when I'm done. That's not what I mean. So I was like, oh, I can hear the hostility in their voice, like, okay, well, what do you mean? I want to know how long, why it took you so long to get there. And I said, "I don't know what you mean." "I don't understand why it took you so long to get there. It was easily 45 minutes that it took you to get there. I want to know why it took so long." I said, "Well, unfortunately, that's how long it takes. Why are you asking me this?" And then I heard something that I've never forgotten. And I still use it to this day. The person on the other end of the phone said to me, "I don't know why that took you so long. It was only an inch on the map." I was confused. I said, "I'm sorry, can you say that again?" because I'm someone that does ask people to repeat things that I just want to make sure I heard clearly what you said. And that person said to me, "I don't know why it took you so long because it's only an inch on the map." I said, "Can you do me a favor?" And they said, Yeah, what is it? I said, um, let my dispatcher know that when I get back to the yard, I'll be in to see him. And then I hung up. And the entire ride back from Michigan to Salt Lake City, Utah, it stayed on my mind. While I was getting loaded, I'm looking at the map and I'm looking, I'm like, Whoa, true, it is only an inch on the map when you look at it, but it's like, oh no, it's another one of them. And it's no disrespect to any dispatcher, but not all dispatchers were truck drivers, so they don't understand not driving a Volkswagen. Can't just go on any road at any time because of the size and the length of and the weight of our vehicles. So I, I realize not everyone gets that concept. It's a shame because there was a company I worked for, when they had supervisors come in from other states, they always picked me to take them on ride-alongs because they're like, we know that you're going, you're going to show them how it really is out And those supervisors always had fun. They realized, hey, it's a tough job. Sometimes I'm taking them, you know, into the boroughs in New York City, which traffic can be a nightmare. And there are deliveries that I would make, you know, 4 o'clock in the morning, we're arriving for, you know, the workers to come in at 5, and they're seeing all the activity that's on the streets at that time in the morning. And some of them were concerned because they've never been in that kind of environment, but they learned. They always said they learned so much, and they realized, hey, you're just here to do a job and go home. The people in the streets understand that as well, and they just left you alone. And when you got done, you got out of there. But once I arrived back in Salt Lake City, you know, I, I let them know I arrived and I'm heading up to the office. Now my dispatcher doesn't know anything that happened, but he's concerned because he's like, you know, I get there and I said, well, you, the person who was covering your desk and safety, need to have a conversation. So he's like, okay, I had already given the heads up that you were coming in and needed to have a conversation. So we all went into the conference room and I came there with my map. And of course he goes, what's going on? So the safety guy goes, okay, this must be serious because you're never in here. Then, you know, we all laughed about that. I said, yeah, you're right. I opened the map up to Michigan. I show him where I delivered. He says, okay. I show him where I picked up and he goes, okay. And you can see the confused look on his face as he's looking at the map. And he goes, I'm not sure where this is going. I said, when you look at it distance-wise, you know, just not looking at the fine print on the map, would you agree it's only an inch on the map? And again, the puzzled look on, on their faces. They were like, yeah, but we're not— as in, no, I just You need to know that part. And he was like, okay, well, what's going on? I said, if I was in a Volkswagen and I went from Kalamazoo to this location, it'd probably take me 5 to 8 minutes, correct? And he's like, absolutely. I said, but being in the vehicle that I'm in That 5 to 8 minute ride in the Volkswagen is restricted for tractor trailers. Therefore, I had to take the truck route to get there. So that took me 45 minutes to an hour. He goes, okay, well, when I arrived at that location for my pickup, I was told very firmly Why did it take me so long? It's only an inch on the map. And the heads turned to the other dispatcher. The safety guy says, excuse me? And I repeated what I said, you know, a few, a few minutes ago. And I said, nothing personal. I said, I don't like when my dispatcher's away from his desk because we, we have a great understanding of one another. He respects how I do my job. I respect how he does his. If there's any issues, he's the first one to know about it. If he needs something from me, he'll shoot it out there to me to see if I can do it. But one thing I don't do is waste time or purposely do the wrong thing. The safety guy goes, absolutely. He said, I've heard so much about you. He said, you already have this, this glowing report in your file. He said, for something that you didn't even know was happening. So I know the kind of driver that you are. That's why I'm surprised to see you. I said, well then, I don't know what it's going to take to teach other people who are not former drivers, who don't really know this industry, that we have specific ways we need to go. And he said, absolutely, you're absolutely right. I said, because I really don't want to go through that again. With anyone. And he says, no problem at all. He said, is there more? I said, no. I said, I just want this to be clarified now so going forward we don't have the same issue. And he said, Ken, no worries, got you covered. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to let us know. It's like, okay, I got you. He said, if there's nothing else, he said, um, you know, you're free to go and just please close the door behind you. I said, okay. So I grabbed my map off the table, headed out the door, closed it behind me. Unfortunately, that other dispatcher I never saw again. That moment was another one of those moments where I realized that even at that age in my life, and even though I went through the things that I went through, that going into any industry, there are going to be people that just don't know. And I had to learn to be more considerate of the fact that they're just people that sometimes they just don't know. I'm hoping that that other person didn't lose their job, and if I was responsible for that, I apologize. But sometimes people just don't know. They'll speculate, they'll tell themselves they're right. There's nothing you can do that's going to change that, and I get it. And I respect that as well. I had to learn that because people don't know doesn't mean they're less than. It doesn't mean that they lack knowledge. A lot of— sometimes it's just a lack of experience. They've never been exposed to certain things, so that's why they don't know. Sometimes they don't understand. It's just because they look at things cut and dry. Like I said, you open a map up and you see that this location is an inch away from that location, so it should take you no time at all to get there. And sometimes that's just not true. It's a lesson I've had to learn about myself, because sometimes I think things are going to be simple and easy because I've done it for so long, or I have knowledge about it, and it doesn't work that way. So I'm grateful for the patience that I have, even when other people tell me I need to move faster, I need to make a shift here and there. I've learned that sometimes that's what I need to do. I need to make a move and I need to make a shift. But other times I just need to be patient and let it work its way through the process because that's how I'm going to get the most value out of it. By letting, allowing it to work through the process. I look at me as an instructor now. In my 20s, I gave up on ever thinking that I would have the skills or even capabilities to be an instructor, and that was before I was diagnosed with CMT. I'm grateful that the Most High didn't give up on me when I was giving up on myself, because I'm very grateful for every single day that I have. And moments like those, like I said, I, I still say that to people when they say, oh, this is kind of far, that's kind of far, and I'll throw it out. It was only an inch on the map because I want them to see the humor in it. I hope everyone goes out and has the best day that they can every day, no matter what happens. That's the direction that I love And that's the direction I love to steer people to. Just, just have the best day that you can, and then tomorrow have the best day that you can that day. Whatever happened yesterday happened. It can be fun. Just breathe.