Battling Call Reluctance to Crush the Shift with Wally Bressler (Part II)

Welcome back to Real Estate Business Builders. This is Lars Hedinborg, the founder Real Estate B School. And this is part two of a two part series here. And if you're getting the gist of what we're doing, we're sharing what went on in Real Estate B School for two days. Eight sessions of really impactful speakers that brought their best stuff. So this is part two of Wally Bressler, who is a just the best on the phone in the psychology of call reluctance and what it takes to be super successful in real estate in this shifting market. So this is part two. If you haven't grabbed a copy of the free book yet, it's scaleordiebook.com that's scaleordiebook.com so this is part two. If you're coming into the podcast now, go back at least one episode so you can make sure you grab part one of Wally's amazingly, I would say business and life transform. Transformative, I guess is the way to say it session. So stay tuned. This is part two and I hope you enjoy.

I have a client who used to wear. She went to gym class and wore dress. She dressed. She was the gym class one time and the kids made fun of her for a month and she became a perfectionist. And every time she left her house, she had to have $5,000 purses and her Mercedes car and her hair extensions and her makeup and her brand new clothing. Like she did not want people to think that she wasn't perfect. And so the whole point is there's like this dumb stuff that happens that impacts us in such a way that just keeps us from moving forward. And so that's kind of what I want to share the rest of our time together. Here is, you know, the way to overcome sales Call reluct has everything to do with looking back at what happened at some point in your life and saying, okay, you know, let's kick the crap out of this. And so look, call reluctance is pretty simple. It's either your inability or your, your lack of desire to get on the phone. And sometimes, you know, it looks like crazy emotions, your fear, any, you know, anybody gets sweaty palms, sweaty pits, dry mouth when they need to go pick up the phone. It's okay if you do, you know, sometimes you just, yeah, Lars, Lars is like, that's me. You know, so I mean, happened to me, right? Negative thoughts and anticipation of the worst. They don't need it. They'll turn me down. You know, they're not going to want what I have. Oh, it's Too early to call. It's too late to call. You know, we come up with all these excuses. I don't want to sound robotic. I don't want to sound like, you know, like scripted, you know, all these things we give ourselves all these excuses. Sometimes it's a straight mental block. We can't get our way around. A time to call. Like, right, this is my favorite one right here. Oh my God. Like those dishes that have been in the sink for a month. I need to go and clean those. You know, I've got a garage that's got all kinds of stuff that needs to be picked up. You know, there's all kinds of things we come up with. Procrastination. How about any, any getting ready to get ready people here. My presentation's got to look great. My car's got to look perfect. I've got it. You know, stop raising your hand. The whole point is right, oh my, my presentation's not good and my scripts aren't good enough. I got to get my suit clean, my shoes aren't clean, I got to clean my car. You know, getting in front of a camera, there's a lot of people that don't want to get in front of the camera. For social media, it's the same thing, right? They don't want to be seen you because they think that they're going to be judged. And the whole thing is it has nothing to do this stupid little like 4 ounce piece of plastic and metal. It has everything to do what's happening on the other side of that phone, Am I going to be embarrassed? Am I going to be rejected? Am I feeling it's going to be hurt? Right. Lots of people would love to recruit like crazy free XP because they see the opportunity, but they just don't believe strongly enough in themselves and they feel like that they can't call people to talk to them. And I guarantee there, there's a bunch of people on here, I bet you at least a third of you would rather talk to somebody you don't know than somebody you do know. You don't want to call people, you know, because you're afraid of what they're going to think of you, okay? And then the last thing is we spend time beating ourselves up and beating ourselves up and beating ourselves up because we can't do it. And then it's this vicious circle and we just keep getting bitten the crap out of it. I see you guys smiling and chuckling and so I feel like I'm hitting home here. So here's what happens? All right? It's real. It's. It's not simple. It's not easy, but it's simple, okay? You were either sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused, you saw somebody die, you're in a bad car, something happened that was traumatic, okay? Or you were bullied, okay? There's two places we look for acceptance and approval when we're younger, because we either spend our time at home or at school, right? So you don't want to be approved of at home or approved of at school. And if you're not approved either of those places, then you have issues with approval, and that's perfectly reasonable. Sometimes we create these hidden identities. We make an observation, okay? You guys don't know me. Lars has seen me. I'm six three. I'm a big guy. I weigh over 300 pounds. I'm going to play college football, right? When I was younger, you know, I. I convinced myself and, oh, you're a big guy. You know, I took big as being a bad thing, and I just, you know, I created this identity that I wasn't a good enough person, and I was dumb because I was big. And we do the same thing with, with poverty. If you grew up and you had no money, you have this belief system that you're not good enough, that you don't deserve things. Or, you know, maybe, you know, you saw something, you made an observation. Like, I, you know, we were poor growing up, but I made observations by looking at other people that I was not good enough. I mean, I had lunch envy. Swear to God, I would have, like, a sandwich and a piece of fruit and crackers. And kids would come to school with, like, boxes full of candy and cakes and sodas. And I would ask my mom, I remember cow tales. Anybody remember cow tail candies? Never had one to this day. Can't bring myself even to buy one. But kids would bring those to school. And I asked my mom, can we get cow tails? We can't afford them. Levi's. Didn't get Levi's until I was in high school. You know, tough skins and Nike Cortez sneakers. Like, all that stuff I looked at as me not being good enough because I couldn't have them. Okay? And we make these decisions internally. We don't even think about it. We just make the decision that we're not good enough for, that we don't deserve it or whatever. And then it just. What happens is. And I'm going to explain this in a second, but it. It starts as a tiny little seedling, and it grows into this ginormous, like, sequoia tree in our brain because we continually just avoid the things that cause that pain. And it could be a learned belief system, you know. You know, you're, you're younger and you're growing up. They, you know, like, it's like Mike Hughes's dad going, hey, Mike, listen, you know what? Don't go become an independent contractor. Nothing good happens to the Hughes family. Don't try and do anything. Just don't. Just go get a job, get health insurance, get life insurance. Don't try anything. Don't step out in the limb or anything like that. Hey, Greg Miller. Good to see you, buddy. Right. And so, you know, the thing is, is we get all this stuff, like, I'll give you one other example. And I got to slow down here because I get excited about this. But here's the thing. I, I, you know, nobody, For God's sakes, Pressley, nobody in my family has, is thin. Not, you know, and I always had this, like, little belly. And my dad used to say to me, he would be like, hold on a second, I gotta get back to the right slide here. I'm all excited. I'm pressing buttons and doing all kinds of things here. Hold on. Where are you? There we go. Sorry. And so, and I had this little, like, belly, and my dad pointed it and he said, you know, he says, you're always going to have that as long as you live. And so I figured I would have it as long as I lived, and I still have it, right? But the whole point is, one of these things happens, and then your sympathetic nervous system, your fight or flight response kicks in, and you either act out or you check out. So if you know who Frank Shamrock is, UFC fighter, you know, he was abused as a kid, spent his life kicking the crap out of people, became a UFC fighter, made his living kicking the crap out of people. Anybody knows who, I can't remember his name here. He spoke at one of our events. Lewis Howes. Lewis Howes will tell you his story. Had a terrible childhood, but he said, you're never going to hurt me again. And spent his entire life fighting and fighting and fighting. But the rest of us who weren't like that, we became flighters, became runners, right? You got flight, you got fight, you got freeze, you got flight. And if you picked flight, you ran away. And every time you avoided that thing that caused pain, you reinforced within your brain that you were not going to do that, that it was going to hurt you, and you avoided it. And every Time you did it, it got bigger and bigger and big bigger. And now you won't even think about getting on the phone or in front of a camera or asking somebody a tough question or doing whatever you need to do to go ahead and make sure that you get what you want. And a lot of time it shows up as a need for approval, need for acceptance. And again, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility if you want to change it. Does that make sense? Here's the other thing. Like, you know, our subconscious brain does about 95% of the work every day, right? And when you go to bed at night, your subconscious brain turns into like a librarian. Remember the librarian at school would take the the books and put them on the cart and walk around the library, put the book here, put the book there, right? And so when you're in bed at night, your brain goes ahead and it says, okay, let's make sense of all these things that happen. Oh, here's this bullying at school where we thought we weren't good enough. We'll leave that right there on the floor. And oh, here's where your dad used to smack you on the head on the way out the door. We'll leave this here. Or here's where I looked at somebody and they had something, I didn't have it. And so what happens is every night it keeps leaving these things on the floor. And eventually the card starts bumping up against and you start getting sleepless nights and insomnia and you start getting anxiety and you start getting panic attacks and you start getting depression, you start getting doubt and all these things creep in because your brain just can't process it and eventually just avoid it all together. But you're not stuck with that, right? You're not stuck with you. That's a great thing. Great thing at the age. Oh, sorry. So you're not stuck with this. The great thing is, and here's the thing, I'm 54 years old. I didn't start working on this until I was 51, all right? It took me 45 years to figure out that I wanted to live and not deal with this anymore. And so here's what I figured out. So look, you want to solve this problem? Let's go identify the source. I'll give you one little trick I teach people. When you go home tonight, I want you to get two index cards and I just you to write on it. What is the source of my call? Reluctance or video reluctance or procrastination or perfectionism or self loathing or, or imposter syndrome or whatever the heck it is. I want you to put it on two cards. I want you to put one with you. Keep it with you. I want you to put one next to your bed. Most of you, some of you probably already figured out by the time we were talking. If you haven't, and you know, some of you already figured out, you already know we had the conversation, I was telling you my story, like, oh, I remember this. Some of you, it's going to take a little longer. But by tomorrow, if you do this tomorrow, by tomorrow morning you'll know what it is that happened that caused you to get to the point where you're not getting all you want out of your life and business because you haven't been able, or wanting to not want to, but able to step out and get beyond that level of discomfort to the point where you're willing to do what it takes to take care of it. But if you want to know what it is, that index card will tell you. And I'm glad some of you don't know my phone number because my clients usually send me text messages at 2:30 in the morning. I hate you. Why did you do this to me? You suck. But it's all part of the process. Tony Robbins says, and I love what he says about this, he says you need to go find out what the problem is, but you don't need to get stuck on the problem. Does that make sense? You want to solve the problem, you got to go find it. Okay? But we don't get stuck there. We just use it as a launching point. Nick Nanton said that. Basically, he says I help people assess. What do you say? He says I help people become self aware, but not self conscious. Okay? You become self, aware, you got to find out what it is. But once you know what it is, then you can go ahead and defeat it. Then we go into awareness to find and identify Everybody know who T Harve Eker is here, TRV Eker is a Canadian personal development expert and he has this thing he calls tfar. It's thoughts, feelings, actions, results. Okay? Get a thought or trigger and then we get a feeling, and then that feeling creates an action. Sometimes it's inaction, sometimes it's not moving at all. And then we get a result. Here's the problem. And if you have an addiction like I did, I was addicted to sex, pornography, money and food for well over 40 years. I was addicted to all four of those, like regularly, like badly, like destructively, like, you know, Build debilitatingly. But what happens is. Or if it's procrastination or something else, you get a thought, you get triggered, but instead of going to feeling, you go right to action. So I get trigger drugs, trigger sex, trigger food, trigger cigarettes, trigger alcohol, trigger procrastination, trigger. You see what I'm saying? We don't deal with that feeling, but if we would just let that emotion come up and process it, it would go away. So when these feelings come up, you got to be like, okay, that. Okay, I'm anxious. Why am I anxious? Okay, that anxiety comes from the fact that since I was a kid, my mother and father told me I've had clients who said their parents told them that they were literally pieces of crap, that they were useless, that they did not love them, right? And that's where that comes up. So we define it, we identify it. So I'm like, hey, there it is. That's anxiety. The anxiety is because of this, and here's what it is. And then when I. When I can, I can identify it and I can then process it. So the best thing I could ever tell you to do is that when you start feeling some sort of anxiety or panic coming on, is to get into some sort of breathing strategy. Like, I like box breathing. You know, you in for, in for four, hold for four, out for four, nothing for four. And just let that breathing control your thought process. Because when you start controlling your breathing, those feelings will start to go away. And then you gotta reprogram your brain for success. Here's the thing. Reprogramming your brain, success is doing the same thing you've been doing for however long you are up to this age, but saying the things you need to hear, that you want to hear, that you should hear. I'm a big fan of Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning. Great book, right? You're focusing on saying the things you need to yourself, do Yourself. You need. You focus on doing the things you need to do. You're reading a book, you're journaling, and you're, you know, the affirmations especially, you know, I'm saying if you don't feel good about who you are, it's because you've been telling yourself you're useless or whatever your entire life. You want to change how you feel, change what you say to yourself. So you got to work on reprogramming your brain day after day after day. It's just another ritual, right? You get up in the morning, you exercise, you do some reading, do some affirmations you do some mindfulness meditation, eventually you'll start feeling better about yourself, and it happens a lot faster than you think. And then we find out what drives you. Your mastery called mastery, autonomy and purpose. Right? Anybody read here? Leno Banks book drive. Great book. What he says is that carrot and steak motivation is not great. Carrots are great, but if the carrot's too big, it's too far away, takes too long, we lose motivation. Stick's not great either, because if it's really painful, we may avoid it all together. So when you want to find out what drives you, pick something. You got to pick something. So let's just say tomorrow you wake up and you're like, you know what? I really want to. I want to put away enough money so that I can retire comfortably and make sure that my kids live forever, never have to worry about money. Okay, so what do I have to master to make that happen? Is there some sort of emotional mastery? Is there prospecting mastery? Is there recruiting mastery? There's all kinds of stuff you have to master. What does that autonomy look like? What does it look like when I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want? And then what's my purpose? What is the pain that I don't want to experience anymore? And then what am I going to contribute so I can impact the outcome over something? So that they think that happens, wants to happen? Like, one of my whys is, is this, is that my parents never taught me how to take care of money. I've blown millions of dollars. You know what I'm saying? I bought houses I shouldn't have bought and cars I shouldn't have bought and all kinds of dumb stuff. So one of my whys is, is that my kids are taking financial, you know, financial wellness classes with me. They all have a credit card. They've all got a debit card. They all know how to save money. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm teaching him about money and what to do with it. And then, you know, my son's getting his real estate license, and I'm going to teach him to build a portfolio of real estate. It's going to take care of my kids for the rest of their lives long after I'm gone, because I don't want them to, you know, be 50 years old like I was and have zero money in the bank. You know, that's. That's a big why for me. Okay? So, but, you know, you. You've got to figure it out for yourself. And when you do and you start working on the things that are keeping you from getting where you want to go. Then you'll be able to really make some great things happen for yourself and again, find your true W again. It's real. It's real straightforward. For God's sakes. Like, what do I not want to feel again? What do I not want somebody else to feel again? Everybody has had some sort of pain in their life. I promise you. You've had something that sucked that you do not ever want to feel again. And you've got to tap into that, let that emotion lead you and drive you, and then say, okay, what am I going to do so that I never have to feel that again? Or that somebody I know never has to feel that again so that it will come out the way that I want to. Does that make sense? Okay, so I just. Shameless Plug for my book. It's on Amazon. It's like part personal development, part memoir. If you want to find out a little bit more of what I went through and how I overcame it, I'd love for you to take advantage of the book. It's available on Amazon. The Kindle version is only 10 bucks. If you don't like it, let me know. I'll give you a refund myself. I have my own website. It's called reluctancephonesales.com anybody can schedule 15 minutes with me at no cost. And I'm not going to sell you anything. If you got a problem, you want to talk about something, you're trying to pinpoint something, you want to get through it. You know, we're all put on the earth to serve. And I'll leave you with this for my good friend, the Punisher at Marvel. You can hide your identity, but you can't hide who you are. Right? Because it'll always come back to who you are. Any questions? Comments, Concerns?

That's awesome, brother. There's just lots of comments as you were telling your personal testimony. You know, just. Most people don't lead with their truth, you know, and I think it's just such a. We kind of see people where they are today, and we just, you know, we just assume they had it a certain way or, you know, must be easy for Wally, you know, like. Or whoever. You know, we're all jacked up, and that's ultimately the motivator in good med ways. So just lots of props. I wish you could read all the comments, um, and just. Just really good comment from. From Ben. You know, Ben had a similar coach, helped him figure out that because he grew up poor, he told himself that he would never have to rely on anyone for help. So he equated making phone calls to asking people for help, and he hated doing the calls. He was able to reframe it, so that's really awesome. Any questions for Wally while we've got him? We've got a few more.

I want to know who asked where New Hampshire was, for God's sakes. Is that you, Anthony? Wild guy. You go north where it snows all the time, and then you take a right and there's a land where there's only igloos and snowmobiles, and that's where it is.

Justin said this was the most impactful preventer I've seen in a very long time.

Thank you.

Which I agree with.

Yeah, I appreciate that. Brene Brown talks a lot about the importance of vulnerability, and a lot of us are afraid of. I was afraid of vulnerability. You know, nobody wanted to be vulnerable. But, you know, vulnerability is not weakness, it's strength. And, you know, one of the things I talk about in my book is about becoming radically transparent and radically honest with yourself. Okay. I used to go to, like. I mean, I mean, I. My dad died when I was. I didn't tell you this stuff. My dad died when I was 23, right out of college. My mom died when, when I was 39. The average age of, of, of, of death in my family is 64. So longevity is not strong within my family, and I'm working very hard to change that myself. But I used to go to bed, I think, from the dad My died. The day my dad died from when I was 23, I thought I was going to die every day. So he was 23 until about age 51. So what's that, 18 years for me. So I thought every day for 18 years I was going to die. And I would go to bed some nights just asking to make it to another day. And I succeeded in spite of myself. I succeeded throughout life and had tons of great things. I mean, I played college football. I was on the Biggest loser. I lost 116 pounds. I've sold a ton of houses. I've, you know, coached tons of real estate agents. I've been very successful by most people's standards, but I did it just to outrun the shame that I felt every day. And when I was finally willing to be honest with myself and be. I agreed, Alicia. But, you know, when I finally agreed to be honest with myself and radically honest and realize that, you know, what I'm going in a bad direction. You know what I'm saying? A bad, bad direction. I was like, okay, I got to change this. And when you're willing to do that and accept the fact that the only way it's going to change is your. It's because of you, I mean, that. That's the only time it's going to change. Here's the thing. I mean, there's enough money for everybody to make millions. There's enough everything out there for everybody to get exactly what they want in life. But if you're not willing to do the things that it takes to make it happen, then it's never going to happen, you know, so, you know, God's taking good care of me. Lars, thank you so much for giving me the chance to be here today. I appreciate it, man. I asked Lars on a lark. I'm like, because I'm just trying to get my story out there and meet with people. And I said, hey, I'd love to do a free training for your group. And he looked at my presentation like 15 times. He's like, you know, if you screw this up, I'll kill you. No, he didn't say that. But I'm just saying. So I do. Have anybody has any questions I got, you know, we got a few minutes. I'd be happy to answer some questions. Or if you've got something you want to chew the fat about, I got a few minutes here. I'd be more than happy to talk to you.

Another comment by Jennifer. This session has made me realize that my fear of reject, of rejection is more powerful than I ever saw.

Yeah, again. And here's the thing. I swear to God, you know, I'm not Catholic, but I'll make the sign of the cross swear to God. But if you want to talk, I mean, just go to my. Hey, I'll put my calendar link in here. I'll save you the trip. You guys can schedule to my calendar. We have 15 minutes. Let's talk. And I mean, I have a class. I'm not going to try and sell it to you, but if you want to talk and just try and make heads or tails or something, grab some time. Let's talk and I'll just. We'll chew the fat. And sometimes it's just good to talk to somebody. I just sent that to Stacy because I was talking to Stacy. My bad. Sorry about that. How about if I send it to everybody?

And the book is Tragic Hero.

Yeah, right. Like, here's the thing. I think one of the best things about talking to somebody like me is that there's nothing you could say to me that would ever make me judge you. And if you screwed it up, I screwed it up twice. So, I mean, we can talk about it. We can talk about, you know, whatever you want. I can identify. We can cry together. But if you want to get it off your chest and get a little hope and start, you know, getting over the fear of rejection, the need for approval, or all that other stuff, then.

Amir Huckleberry, here's a question from Izzy. Would you consider someone that can make a certain amount of calls and then they tap out? Call reluctance.

I mean, I, I, I mean, call reluctance to me is so, I guess what that, what's that number of call. Anthony, what's the number of calls you're talking about? Like ten or a hundred? And why do you stop calling? So you make a hundred. So you make a hundred calls. If you make 100 calls every day and then you're done. I don't think that's call reluctance. I think that's, you know, but here's the thing. And this, and let's say this, you know, it's, it's, it for me, it's not the number of calls. You know, I'm saying, like, here's the thing. I would. Your goal should be to talk to 10 people every day until you're so busy you can't do that. Okay. If you can't talk to 10 people every day and you get into, like, contact three or four, then you're like, oh, I hate this. I don't want to do this, and stuff like that. You know, you got to tap into whatever that reason is and get over it. Because this is where. Right. You know, this is where the great things happen. You know, when, When a horse wins a horse race, it doesn't win by length. Sometimes, Sometimes it wins by, like, a hair by a nose. But it's going that much more. It's working that much harder to make it happen. So if you make a hundred phone calls, you know, God, I can't do this anymore. This is driving me crazy. That's fine. You know, then you gotta be like, you gotta look at what is it gonna take me to push through so I can put in the 200 when I need to put in the 200. So there may be a hint of call reluctance there.

Yeah, yeah. Renee makes a comment. You know, someone told me if I'm not using a dialer, then calls are not worth doing. Would you, what would you say to that?

I mean, no, you know, but I mean it is contact sport, you know what I'm saying? Look, it's real simple. This is why I started off with. You need to figure out how much money you wanna make, right? You wanna make 100 grand, then there's a number of, there's a number of contacts and a number of sales and a number of everything that goes along with that, right? So if you'll need a dialer to reach all the people you need to reach to reach your goals and you're good, period, end of discussion. Does that make sense? Like, and quite honestly, Renee, let me. If this is not, it's not personally, this, this gets into the comparison game, you know, I'm saying like when we start comparing ourselves to other people and what's good and what's not good, right? We should never compare ourselves to people because comparison is like the thief of self esteem, it's the thief of, of happiness, right? If you don't use a dialer, but you're making enough contacts and you're doing all the business you want, then as the Italian say, see you later. Right? Too bad. So. But it all depends on what you want. If you're accomplishing your goals. You don't need a dialer. You don't need a dialer. So. Right. And you know, they can go pound sand. What is my website again? It's phonesalesecrets.com if you'd like. I've got a 10, I've got an 8 part series, it's called, it's Phone Calls, Phone Sale Secrets. Can I tell them about Facebook real quickly? Yeah. So if you go to Facebook and go to Phone Sale Secrets or whatever, I've got an eight part series coming up. That, that's no cost. I'm just, I'm going over it, but I'm going to be talking about how to overcome procrastination, how to overcome, what do you call it? Imposter syndrome and about seven or eight other topics. They're an hour long, they'll be recorded, you can hop on, ask questions and you know, in everything there's like a, there's a syntax reason as to why you have call reluctance and there's an emotional reason why you have call reluctance. There's a syntax reason meaning, you know, specifically you're not doing the right things in the right order. Where you have procrastination and then there's an emotional reasoning, procrastination. Does that make sense? So go to phonesalesecrets.com, grab 15 minutes. I gave you my calendar link there. Go to my, to Facebook. I post all kinds of stuff there. I've got an eight part series starting this Friday on different things that I have asked different aspects of, you know, just how to make your life better and how to overcome some stuff. And all I know, in, in, in. How many more minutes do I have here?

There's one more question. We technically have one minute, but you keep going.

Okay, I'll answer the question then. I want to show another quick video here and then I'm gonna bounce.

Um, so the question is, Christine asked, do you break free with the consistent action of doing what you are reluctant to do or is there something more to it?

So it's, it's a combination of that. Does that make sense? Like you've got to, like, repetition is definitely the mother of skill. But usually if you have some sort of emotional block, it's hard to get into that repetitive activity because usually self sabotage kicks in. Does that make sense? Like how many of us have started something and stop something? Like we started, we were going great and a month later, next thing you know, day 31, you're like, eh, I'm gonna sleep in, I'm just gonna have this bar, right? And the same reason you won't go to the gym consistently is the same reason you won't keep a calendar, is the same reason you don't stay on top of your goals, is the same reason all that other stuff and that has to do with, you know, your, your hidden identities and believe about yourself and you know, you're self sabotage. You know, Rick Carson calls it your gremlin. Eventually your gremlin's going to come and say, guess what? We're not that person. We don't do that, we don't work out regularly, we don't make calls regularly, we don't do well. Come on back and let's be that whatever person you are. And so, yes, Anthony, 22 days to create a new habit. But most people listen. I went on the Biggest loser. I lost 116 pounds, I looked like an entirely different person, right? And then in the next year, because I went and did it for the wrong reason and I hadn't fixed this part of me. I went from 398 to 282 to 405 in a year because I didn't fix the one thing that needed to be fixed. And I worked out twice a day like a saint for months and I can go and do the work. And so when I didn't do the work and I swear to God. We weighed in. So we weighed in for the, for the finale. I weighed in. I weighed 282. I lost 116 pounds in, like, less than six months. And then I, I, I, I said, okay, great. I borrowed somebody's car and I went to In N Out Burger and I had two double doubles with cheese and two Cokes. Like that, and it was off. It's like I had never done it. Work on the one part here. I want to show a quick video and then I'll let you go. Is that okay with you guys? Yeah. Cool. And I appreciate all your time. I'm like, so grateful for your time and all the nice comments and I would. I will talk to every one of you if you want to talk to.

I was just having a debate with a friend of mine.

This, this, I think this, this really is what, what, this is what it all boils down to right here. And this is actually the first video I show when I start my class. And people, the very first thing I do before I talk about anything else is the exact video that I show here, hold on. This stupid Share sound button. You suck. Okay, here we go. All right. Whether you like will or not, this is good. Good, good, good stuff.

I was just having a debate with a friend of mine and we got stuck on the difference between fault and responsibility. She kept talking about how somebody's fault, it's somebody's fault. And I was like, it really. It don't matter whose fault it is that something is broken if it's your responsibility to fix it. For example, it's not somebody's fault if their father was an abusive alcoholic. But it's for damn sure of their responsibility to figure out how they're going to deal with those traumas and try to make a life out of it. It's not your fault if your partner cheated and ruined your marriage, but it is for damn sure your responsibility to figure out how to take that pain and how to overcome that and build a happy life for yourself. Fault and responsibility do not go together. It sucks, but they don't. When something is somebody's fault, we want them to suffer. We want them punished. We want them to pay. We want it to be their responsibility to fix it. But that's not how it works. Especially when it's your heart. Your heart, your life, your happiness is your responsibility and your responsibility alone. As long as we're pointing the finger and stuck in whose fault something is, we're jammed and trapped into victim mode. When you're in victim mode. You are stuck in suffering. The road to power is in taking responsibility. Your heart, your life, your happiness is your responsibility and your responsibility alone. Hey, I want to thank y' all for your response to my IG story. The fault versus responsibility has been a lot of comments about that. There was one thing I wanted to add also, I wanted to say there that taking responsibility, accepting responsibility is not an admission of guilt. Like you're not, you're not admitting that you're at fault. Taking responsibility is a recognition of the power that you seize when you stop blaming people. It's not like you're letting somebody who wronged you off the hook. Like taking responsibility is an act of emotional self defense. Taking responsibility is taking your power back. I was just having a.

Anyway, I mean that's really what it comes down to. And I'm not saying anybody here's a victim or that you're blaming anybody else, but you're a different person than you were even five minutes ago. And if you want a better life, if you want more money, if you want better relationships, if you want better relationships with your kids, if you want boundaries, if you want happiness, I don't care what it is, it ain't happening unless you do something about it.

Thanks for listening. Would you please take a minute to share Share the show with other agents who may be struggling? And if you love the podcast, please leave us a five star review on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast platform. And make sure you visit ScaleOrDiebook.com to get a free copy of my book. It's a nuts and bolts guide to building a real estate business that gives you true time and money freedom so that you can live your life without regrets. Thanks again and see you on the next Next episode.