How to Activate High Performance & Live Your Best Life with Jairek Robbins (Part II)

Welcome back to Real Estate Business Builders. This is Lars Heddenborg, founder of Real Estate B School, and this is part two of a session that Jarek Robbins did for our members only Business Growth Digital Summit. So y' all are insiders now into our world in terms of just bettering ourselves in more areas than just business. And Jerrick brought it. I mean, it was awesome. So stay tuned for part two. If you're coming into the podcast now and this, this is your first episode, go back at least one episode. So there's a little bit of context for the conversation with that we have with Jerich. And if you're looking to scale your business during the shift, grab a copy of our free report, Real Estate Business Growth Navigator. It's at realestate business growth.com. that's real estate business growth.com and we'll see you over there. Enjoy part two of Jrick Robbins.

And the key is with. I don't know if Lars has covered this, but the key with referrals is offer them such great service that they become the hero. When they introduce someone to you and you give them that great service, they come back and go, wow, thank you so much for connecting me with them. I've never been treated this great in my life. Thank you. Help the referrer become the hero by how great you treat the person they refer to you. So say when they refer someone to me, I'm going to treat them so good that it's going to make them look like a hero. That's the level of standard you need to bring to the table when someone gives you a referral. I'm going to treat the referral so good that the person who referred them is going to get phone calls and thank you gift baskets. They're going to be like, you changed my life by introducing me to this person. That standard, number one. Number two, share fondness and admiration. Well, this is pretty clear in an intimate relationship. How do you do that in a business relationship? In a business relationship, that's praise and appreciation. Praising or acknowledging and appreciating. If you want to do two A's, acknowledge and appreciate. I acknowledge what you've done and I just want to say I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for doing the work today. Thank you for staying present. Thank you for participating. Thank you. That's it. Acknowledge and appreciate. I see you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for doing the work. Turning towards instead of turning away. This one piece will either kill your intimate relationship or cause it to Flourish. And it's the opposite of every time management course in existence. Someone who turns towards is when your partner makes a bid for your attention. Hey, look at this. Wow. Did you see this? Oh, who. This is interesting. Check it out. A bid, meaning they're saying, hey, I'm over here. You know, it's me. When they make a bid for your attention, there's three things you can stop and turn towards, which you stop what you're doing and turn towards physically. You turn towards them and go, ooh, let me see. You can turn away. Not right now. I'm busy. Leave me alone. Or you can ignore it, which is even worse. I'm a pause for a second. What does every time management and productivity course teach us to do when someone tries to interrupt our power hour? Ignore it. Black it out. Turn away energy vampires, right? I'm telling you, that will destroy your relationships. Now, this creates a conundrum. This creates a conundrum because we think, how in the world am I supposed to be productive if every time my partner says, hey, babe, check this out. I'm supposed to stop and turn? My God, I'll never get anything done. Well, this is where we have to then make a choice. At what period of life or during the day are we willing to. Are we willing to let our partner know, hey, for this period of time, I need your partnership that I'm going to be all in. You're in, I'm in. We're good. I'm there. The rest of the time. If you ever ask for my attention, I promise you, you will come first. Right now, you. You know, this is my time to be here. If my wife asked for me, I would stop and go help her. She knows that, and I've proven it over and over. If I'm on stage and she needs me and she came out and waved at me, I'd stop and walk off the stage and go help her because she knows I'm willing to do it. She never, never violates it, never, never has to test it. She knows a hundred percent of the time, if she asks for me, I will stop what I'm doing and turn towards because I know how important it is. Therefore, she only asked when she really needs it. And I'm always there. Period. It's a different caliber. My son, different story. He's two. I had to put one of those child things on the door. So he can't just open the door and walk in. I can hear him fiddling with it every now and then. But we. We need someone else to manage him because he's little. When he's old enough, we will set the same boundary. But he's two, he doesn't get it yet. So that's a different way of setting a boundary. I put a thing on the door he can't access. My wife, though she knows it, she comes first. If she ever asks for me, I'll stop everything and go to her immediately because I've learned it makes that much of a difference. How do you do that with a client? How do you do that with a client? You give them specific times and places where you will always turn towards them. If they ask, you say, hey, on these days, at these times, if you ask, I'm there. Never have to even question. I've got your back. Give them a space and time that you're willing to be there a hundred percent at call if they need you. But you've set the boundary. You've said, in this time, in this place, I'm there. In these times, I'll have my assistant reach out. I'll have someone. I have a system set up. I have something else in place because I'm not available. But at these times, I'm all yours. That way they know, they're very clear, moving up, positive perspective. How many of you have had someone do something and you think like, their soul is evil. That's a big statement. But someone does something, you're like, my gosh, where did you come from? I was walking into church one day in San Diego, and this lady had this shirt on that just made me physically laugh out loud. And the shirt said, not today, Satan. And I just, like, spit my water out. I drank. I was like, wow, what a statement going into church. And she was like, smiling. She's like, nope, he ain't going to get me today. And I don't know why it caught my attention. I think it was the just like glowing energy she had with the shirt that just threw me off. And what I thought about is I was like, that could be easily taken the wrong way. Why would you wear that to church? Why do that? Like, that can easily be turned into a story in our heads about her and this and that and good and bad and right and wrong and appropriate or not appropriate, like, you could get turned into this storm of chaos. How many have ever turned a random event into a storm of chaos? In your mind, how many of you have done that? Something happened, or better, you think something happened. You don't even know if something actually happened, but you think it happened. And my gosh, you turn it into the biggest thing in your mind that's ever been created and you lose sleep over it. You're frustrated. I mean, you don't even talk to them when they get home. You just stare at them. You're like, oh, they know they did it too, huh? Yep. They're in a lot of trouble. Nothing happened. You just think it happened and you're creating all this chaos. The positive perspective means I'm going to believe deep down in their soul they have a positive intent. Even if they've done something stupid, I really believe in their soul it's a good intent. Now I think the behavior might be ridiculous, but their soul has a good intent. I know it. Will that make a difference in how you treat someone? Yes or no? Yeah. If you think at their core they have a good intent, you will treat them far differently than if you think in their core they're evil. If you think they're purposefully trying to mess things up, they're purposefully trying to mess with it, you'll treat them totally different. Now what's interesting is how you treat them will also determine their next behavior. So when you treat them like they're guilty, they'll start behaving like they're guilty. And then you'll prove self fulfilling prophecy. You'll prove that it was right in reality. If you treated them like they had a great intention. You ever watch that video where a dude's having a really rough day and walks into a police station with a knife. And instead of shooting him or tasing him or beating him, a police officer walks up and sits across the room on the desk and just talks with him. And after a few minutes, the police officer stands up, walks over and hugs him and then takes the knife away. And you see this, if you zoom in, you see this dude just break down in tears. Imagine if that police officer thought this person had a horrible intent, he would have just shot him. Instead he goes, you know, I bet this human has a good intent. Let me find out what's going on. Because most humans don't walk into a police station with a knife waving it around. That's kind of a stupid thing to do. Something's going on, let me chat with him. And luckily the person didn't escalate. He didn't try to stab the cop or do anything dumb. He kind of stood there and. And they chatted and it de escalated and it was beautiful. And I went, man, what guts that person had. In that moment, an easy move would have been to just take them Out. But the person had guts to sit there and talk through something that was wildly challenging. They had to have believed at some level that there was some type of positive intent in this human and he was going to find it. That's what it takes. Someone's threatening you in some way, but you know what? I'm going to find the positive intent. A friend told me. And it's written in the book called A Course in Miracles. It says every communication is either an act of love or a cry for help. I went, oh, that explains a lot. Every time someone communicates, it's either an act of love or a cry for help. If it ain't love, then you need to help them find the pain. It's cry for help, where's the pain? Act of love or cry for help. And that allows you to keep a positive perspective. I think it's a good person. I think they're just going through some shit. Let me find out where the pain is and I'll instantly know why they're behaving like this. Manage conflict when stuff comes up. Accepting your partner's influence, being willing to talk about the problem, and practice self soothing. The most important one on here is this. How many of you know how to self soothe, meaning breathe your way back to calm. How many of you know how to do that? Right. How many of you have had moments where you completely forgot how to do that? How come it's the same people who know? Y' all raised your hand. I know what to do, and then y' all raise your hand again. Yeah, I totally forgot in that moment. Right. That's just called being triggered. Being triggered. Being triggered is when something catches us off guard and it sparks us. And the easiest spark to tell is if your heart rate shoots up over 95 beats a minute without you physically moving. Like, you're sitting down and your heart rate just goes. The moment it goes over 95 beats a minute without physical exertion, you get triggered. It cuts off access to your prefrontal cortex, which is your executive functioning and the ability to process what's being said. It means you can no longer logically comprehend what the other human is saying. That kind of sucks. You ever been in a discussion that sparks you and you can't. Like, all you heard was Charlie Brown's teacher for the last five minutes. You're like, that's it. You got to breathe your way back to calm. You lost access to executive functioning of your brain. You couldn't even process what was being said. The most annoying part is when you can repeat back the last five words and they go, were you listening? And you repeat the five words back and they go, darn it, like you heard the words. But my God, I don't think you got it. You didn't get it. With managing conflict, understanding how the other person feels is way more important than if they're accurate. I'm going to say this again because this is hard for most of us. Understanding how the other person feels is way more important than if they're accurate or not. This is a big oops for most of us. Most of us grade accuracy during an argument. Accuracy goes out the window when we're triggered. It doesn't matter if they're accurate. What matters is how they feel. And that's hard to do when we're triggered because we're pissed off trying to prove that we're right. Yeah, Matthew just had an aha. Right. When you're in an argument and you're triggered, understanding how the other person feels is more important than accuracy. Throw accuracy out the window for 30 minutes and just be present for them and go. And what you want to do. Oh, it's a mago. You want to acknowledge. Appreciate it and empathize with it. Acknowledge it. If I'm hearing you correctly, acknowledge it, meaning repeat back what they said. Acknowledge what they've just said. Appreciate it. I can very much appreciate how it might feel that way. If I was in your shoes, I can appreciate that as well. Empathize with it. That must feel. And this is where you got to take a wild stab in the dark and guess. But guess, if that happened to you, how would you feel? I'd probably feel very irritated. If that happened to me, I'd be pissed off. I'd be frustrated as well. If you acknowledge it, if you appreciate it and empathize with it, that's way more important than being accurate. It's a game changer. Absolute game changer. Make life dreams come true. This is one of my favorites. Let me see if I have the picture real quick. So I married a wonderful woman who happens to love animals, and I don't know if it's in here. Once a year, I look for ways that I could turn a dream into reality. Ooh, I know where it is. Give me one second. I'll zip it over to this. And so turning dreams into reality means taking a moment to stop and identify what's something on a bucket list of the person I care about and could I help turn a dream of theirs into reality. And so, in an intimate relationship this means understanding the dreams of your partner and saying, could I turn one of these dreams into reality? I have a goal that once a year I take something on my wife's bucket list and make it real. Luckily, she loves animals, so the majority of our adventures have to do with going somewhere around the world and usually connecting with an animal. Her all time favorite animal on earth are pandas. And so this was a few years ago when I took her to China to go snuggle a panda. And she had something she refers to as a happiness hangover for the following week, meaning she woke up randomly crying happy tears throughout the week. And I'd turn around and be like, oh my God, are you okay? She's like, no, they're happy tears. And she'd just be bawling purely from the joy of getting to meet her favorite animal on earth. And we've gone to cuddle koalas in Australia and feed kangaroos and swim with the pigs in the Bahamas and we go all over just to do stuff, because that's her dream. That's her dream. And so I made it my mission to figure out if I can help turn her dreams into reality each year. But in order to do that, I need to know what her dreams are. I need to know what are her dreams, what's her bucket list, what are the things she dreams of doing? Now what's fun is I have a target. When I came to success, I asked everyone on the team, can you please share with me your top values? And can you share with me 3 or 4 bucket list dreams you have in your life? And whenever we have a major, major milestone, we put everyone's name in a hat. We haven't done it yet, but we're going to. Towards the end of this year. We put everyone names in a hat, we pull someone's name, and as a company, we figure out if we can make one of their life dreams come true. People talk about loyalty and retention. Try turning someone's life dream into reality and watch what happens of how they feel about working with you. I'm telling you, this is 30 years of research on 3,000 couples that shows what works and what doesn't in relationships. Use it finally sharing shared meanings, creating shared meanings. When something happens, what does it mean? What does it mean as a team, as a company, as an organization, as a couple? When something happens, you have to step back and say, what does this mean to us? Does this mean it's the beginning or the end? Does this mean it's an opportunity or a pain? In the butt. You have to come up with the meaning, and you have to come up with shared meanings so that you're in agreement with each other. You agree on the meaning. If one person thinks it's the end and the other person thinks it's the beginning, are you going to behave differently? Totally. So you got to come up with a shared meaning. You both co create the meaning and decide. This is the meaning for us. Now, you might have your own meaning and they might have theirs, but when we're together, this is the meaning we choose. I've learned to do something with couples, and what I land up doing with them is you come up with your values and mission and vision, and then they come up with theirs. So you kind of have, here's mine, here's theirs, over here, right? And then together you go like this and you create ours. Ours. This is a combination of yours and theirs. Chosen consciously together. When I'm by myself, here's who I am. When they're by themselves, here's who they are. When we choose to be together, here's who we are. I recognize your uniqueness and identity. I know who you are on your own. I know who I am on my own. But when we choose to be together, here's who we are. This is our vision, our values, our. Our mission. This is what we stand for when we're together. And it has a different code of operation. When you choose to be together, it's a choice. I keep saying the word choose because you have to choose it every day. I had an uncle who went through AA and he said, every day I wake up and I choose sobriety. And I said, ew, that's really important, because any day he woke up and didn't choose it, it often leads to a pretty bad spiral. And I said, ah, that's kind of like a relationship. Every day we must wake up and choose to be in the relationship. That's a choice. And so if we're choosing to be in a partnership, if we're choosing to work with people, if we're choosing to be in an intimate relationship, we need a clear understanding of how it works when we're together. I always tell people there's only four things that success we live by. Number one, you have to care about something more than just yourself. I don't care what it is. It could be trees or dogs or cats or any your family. Something more than yourself. And that just means someone's done the work on themselves enough that they feel whole, that they have space for other things. Or people. You got to care about something more than yourself. Number two, you, you have to be willing to do the work. Willing is an action word meaning willpower. Willing yourself to do the work each day. Number three, you gotta tell the truth. If you're not honest about what's real, people will give you the wrong information. If I say, where are you going? And you're like, well, I'm in Dallas, Texas, headed to New York City. And I say, what time of year is it? You said, summer. How's the skies? Clear skies. I'd tell you to drive a sports car with the top down if it turns out you're in the middle of Minnesota and it's snowing. 12ft of snow and a sports car is a horrible idea. But I'd give you the wrong suggestion if you gave me the wrong truth. You got to tell me what's real. If you're going to get the right insights and advice and strategy and tactics, finally have fun. You got to be willing to have fun. You gotta be willing to enjoy the process and celebrate the results. There's nothing worse than hanging out with someone that you help achieve a life dream. And they go, yep, now what? You're like, seriously, if I'm more excited than you, what the hell? I mean, it wasn't even my dream. It was your dream. I mean, you don't need to have a seven day happiness hangover like my wife, but you gotta have some level of excitement. And the excitement is used to train your brain. Train your brain that when I do the work and it works out, I train my brain to go, that was good. My psych professor told me, neurons that fire together, wire together, meaning when you do something, it links up in your brain. You want to link up massive good feelings and pleasure to getting the results. That way your brain knows when I get there, it's going to feel amazing. Therefore, I'm willing to do the work. To do it again. I'm going to stop right there. Was this useful?

Yeah, Lars, how we do it was awesome, awesome, awesome. And I know in a group of, you know, 200 real estate agents, you know, just putting, putting the wrong stuff first tends to get the best of us. So I think this was really interesting.

All of us, I'm included. I messed this up and I teach it, so. And I'll tell you, it's not knowing it. Knowing how to shoot a free throw is cool. Shooting a free throw under maximum stress and chaos in the playoffs, that's a whole different story. That's the difference between A person who plays in their backyard and a dude who gets paid $280 million to play, the one who can play under massive stress and chaos, gets paid all the money. Both, both are just shooting free throws, but one can do it under very specific circumstances. Therefore they get and totally different roi.

Awesome.

Awesome.

All right, man. This was amazing. I don't know if there's any questions, but we've got a lot of good chat going on this and I know it's convicting in some ways, but it's all good stuff for sure.

Yeah, you gotta do something about it. Our small plug. If you need help working on any of the types of things we talked about, come check out Success Coaching. They have one on one coaching that can help support you in using this type of material in your life. I'll give you. We expect people to show up knowing what they want to work on. I always think of it like Olympic training camp, meaning you don't show up to Chula Vista, California as a sprinter asking them to teach you how to run. You show up saying, hey, I know how to run. I'm one of the best runners out there, but I need you to help me run better, faster and more efficiently so I can win a gold medal. They're not going to teach you how to run, but they're going to get you to run better than you've ever run. And so if you're a great runner, hypothetically, and you want to run better, our coaches are awesome at holding you accountable. The other part is I see Jennifer is joining us in Success Certification. We just sold out for 2022. We're sold out all the way through December. We just sold our last spot this morning. So January. If any of you are interested in becoming success coaches, we're looking for more people to join our team. And so all the info is at. What is it? Coaching.success.com certification or just coaching.success.com then click the certification tab on the screen and it has an outline of what's in the course. Really, really amazing opportunity with that as well. Okay, I gotta jump. Thank you all.

Thanks for listening. Would you please take a minute to share the show with other agents who may be struggling? And if you love the podcast, please leave us a five star review on Apple Pocket or your favorite podcast platform. And make sure you visit ScaleOrDiebook.com to get a free copy of my book. It's a nuts and bolts guide to building a real estate business that gives you true time and money freedom so that you can live your life without regrets. Thanks again and see you on the next episode.