Life & Leadership Lessons Learned in 2021

Foreign welcome back to Real Estate Team Builders. Lars Hedinburg here, the founder of Real Estate B school and the author of Scale or Die. You can pick up a free copy that book@scaleordiebook.com so today we're going to do kind of a more fun, laid back episode. Going to do a 2021 year in review and I am going to do my best to teach some of the lessons that I have learned this year. And some of them weren't, I don't know, they don't feel good as you go through them, especially with all the craziness and chaos in our world today, you know, trying to still go out there and run a couple businesses and show up as a good husband and a good dad with the craziness in chaos of just navigating teenage life. And my daughter, who's 11, feels like she's a teenager and I'm going to seminary which started actually in 2020. And so just wondering what God is up to there and where he has me moving into the future and the assignment he has for me next. And so there's a lot going on and when it comes down to my biggest lessons, number one, first and foremost, even from a practical, but just from like a holistic man, I really see what's going on now from the aspect of leadership. So that's my first lesson and I feel like this is the last three to five years. You know, it's becoming increasingly clear the many, many, many, many ways I've failed in leadership. And if I could go back in time, I don't have a lot of regrets. I'm not a look back and wonder if things could have been different kind of guy. If I could go back though, the one thing I would learn how to do better ahead of me having to do it is leadership. Just the nuts and bolts of being a really good leader. And my failures are many and plentiful and I still feel like I'm learning and I've come such a long way. The biggest thing I've done here, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, is that I let. I'm part of a group called C12 and this group, it's a Christian business owners group and they, these guys, it's actually not a men's group, but my whole group happens to be men. There's 12 of us, we come in once a month. Each of us get to present our business to the group and before that presentation we, we get to, they come and talk to the, to the business, the Team members and your spouse. So you're coming into this presentation with a bunch of guys that have already talked to the people that are close to you in your business world and your spouse who's closest to you in your personal life, and they're getting the goods. They're finding out exactly what's working, exactly what's not working. So really, your perception of where you are is not as important as what others are saying about you. And so I've been through that process now four years in a row, and it is the number one thing that has helped me to come to grips with the reality of my weaknesses and my shortcomings as a leader. And so no matter where you are in your journey, you have the ability to lead, whether it is in your family or if you are building a team and you bring administrator and buyer agents into. Into your world. Here are the things that I've learned, and this has been especially true in 2021, as everyone's going through their own stuff. And so for. For me, the number one thing has been just being more vulnerable with my team. I've had more unexpected personal, like, big personal things happen this year where I've had to be really open and transparent with people close to me and really come in and help me. Oh, man. In a way that I've never needed support and help. And so that vulnerability, I think, has allowed them to be even more connected to our vision and our mission at Real Estate B School and now Real Estate B School, powered by Exp Realty than it ever has because they're really wanting to fight more for what we're doing, because I am leading from this heart of, like, guys, I am struggling. I don't know how to deal with what is going on right now in my personal life. And I need to come up with, like, 15 extra hours a week where I can focus on what is going on in my family. Can you guys help me? Like, that was the nature of what happened this year. And, man, just. I get a lump in my throat, literally, as I think about how the team responded to it. And so that vulnerability has been a key. As I look back, the biggest connections and the times where we have, we've had the tightest culture is when I'm leading with vulnerability and others follow and they're able to share where they might be failing, where they need support. The second is humility. This is a tough one. Like, I would like to consider myself very humble. You know, I call myself like the wizard of Oz, the guy behind the curtains. Um, and there are times where I. I get triggered by events or people or interactions in the business. And it's been one of the biggest lessons this year is that now I'm at a position where I know we're just. We're all good people, regardless of position on the team, we're all good people trying to do great things. Like, I really, really, finally, truly believe that. And so there's no real agenda. And everyone has their own stuff and their own quote unquote emotional baggage from whatever past employ, their relationships or their childhood. Like, it is just the reality. We kind of show up in life with all the experiences that we have ever been through. And that is how we sort of roll, right? So for me, just remembering when I feel that trigger just to take a deep breath and just know that we're all good people trying to do great things. And that allows me just to approach my team and approach those around me with a sense of calm and humility like I've never been able to do before. And then the last one is empathy. I actually had to read a book on, what was it I hear you was the name of the book. I actually, I listened to it. I'm more of an audible person than literally audible.com than flipping through paper. And I really learned a lot this year. I've learned that I'm not very empathetic. I think on the scale of like 10, I'm like the most empathetic person in the world and one, I'm really close to a one. I don't know why it is. I don't know if, because I had a jacked up childhood and I sort of quote unquote made something of myself, you know, that I think others should suck it up and just figure things out. That realization, though, that everyone is struggling and people need more people to sort of come and be with them in their challenging times than to say, suck it up and let's keep moving. And so that's been the third thing in the area of leadership. So vulnerability, humility, and empathy. The second Lesson learned in 2021, which I know is going to serve me in a big, big way, is I've talked about it to a certain extent as it relates to a shift I had in my marriage. It's this concept of giving 100% of yourself 100% of the time. So when I've told this story in the past, it was, you know, I don't know, I've been married 15 years now, and it was probably, I don't know, in the first five, seven years where it felt like each of us was trying to gauge if the other person was sort of contributing to the level that they should, it was more of a 50, 50 sort of thing. And when I realized that when I did that mentality, I wasn't showing up hardly 20%. So even though I was like, you know, tit for tat on mostly everything, it was failing miserably where my wife Julie would do so much to keep everything on track and I was like I wasn't showing up the way that I should. So I committed to 100, 100, 100, give 100% of myself in my marriage 100% of the time where now if I land at 50, 50, I'm lucky. But it's always like, what would a world class dad do in this situation? What would a world class husband do in this situation? When I feel like laying down and zoning out in front of the TV at the end of the day, a world class husband would get up, engage with the kids and give his all and drive this kid here or that kid year or whatever it takes, go out and play volleyball at 11 o' clock at night when I don't feel like it because I know that's the time where my son gets to talk to me like I. So now it's just 100%, 100% of the time. And I've shifted that just this year. Not, not just this year, but really I feel this shift this year where I have the ability to really help people by sharing my failures. And the more people I can talk to, a lot of it is in a group setting. A lot of it's through the podcast or in my exp organization. You know, it's 800 plus at this point. I do a bunch of different live things in there and they get access to a whole bunch of stuff I've created. It's with the intent that I want to impact as many lives as possible. And now if people ask of me, the answer is even when I'm overwhelmed and my schedule is out of balance, it's never really, it's been more out of balance this past year than in years prior because now I'm just in a new, a new opportunity altogether. I have hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of lives that I feel like I'm responsible for now that I went from 100 folks in our paid coaching program to over 800 now that are partnered with real estate B school at exp. So the responsibility is heavy. And so now just like it's a hundred percent, 100% of the time. And so that's been a big shift for me because the lesson is that I'm only going to give as much as I need to. And I've honestly had that thought before where I'm only going to give as much as I need to. And I do see that a lot with team builders especially, is that they feel like their team members aren't appreciative, that they're not giving enough of themselves. Where our team builders, once they really give of themselves, their teams respond disproportionately in a good way. So when you go from, like, tit for tat with your team members, they're going to retreat and they're not going to respond. When you go all in and you give 100% of yourself, 100% of the time to your team members, it is game over. They're going to prospect and lead, generate. They're going to feel convicted when they're not doing what they should do. It's going to be all good stuff and they're going to know that you're there and because you want to help them achieve at a level in multiple areas of their life that they never thought was possible. There's a quote by Zig Ziglar, you can get whatever you want in life by helping enough people get what they want. And that, to me, has been a big, big shift in 2021, and something that I will not let go of going forward because I think that's the big game we get to play in big business, is that we could impact many, many, many, many, many people. And so the third point here, and this is a big one, just the whole faith versus fear spectrum, right? With uncertainties in business, with uncertainties in the world, with uncertainties with COVID with just the uncertainties of what your kids are going to do and how they're going to show up and what's going to change about them. And there's so much uncertainty in the world. The world is constantly changing, and we have control of none of it, really. What do we have control of? Just our choices and how we react to things that are happening around us. Very little do we have control of. And so this year, in some respects, has been one of the more challenging years that we have had as a family. And even in business, and especially in business, we had some turbulence and turmoil and shifting priorities and me having to pivot personally and the impacts that that had in the business and all of that. And my reaction was just to trust that it was all happening for a reason. And when I think about faith, it's not not knowing why something is going on when it doesn't feel exactly easy, but trusting that it's happening for the right reason, that there's a bigger reason to. To. To not retreat from what's happening, I guess is the best way of saying it. So when a lot of the world is in a fear position right now, this is not a political statement. It just seems like there's a lot of fear that's being preached. I urge you to do whatever you need to do to shift over to more of a faith. And I do this through a bunch of different practices. I failed here recently by watching a little bit too much news. So that is not the way to have more faith, is to get wrapped up in the news. There's a whole separate podcast on that. But as it relates to 2021 and really going into 2022, just sit, sit with yourself for a little bit, a few moments to really think about where. And it's not necessarily me coming at you with, like, my faith, like me being a Christian as much as just, do you have faith that things are going to work out for the best versus are you fearful and worried and anxious all the time that things aren't going to work out? That's what I talk about when I'm talking about faith versus fear. For me, faith, it is something different. It is literally faith in something way bigger than me. God has a plan for me specifically and is going to use me very intentionally as an instrument to advance his kingdom. Doesn't have to mean that for you, it's faith that something is. If something's going on, there's a greater purpose around it. And the fear part of it is it's just not good. And it's anxious and worrying and it can create problems in relationships, problems in your physical body. I will leave with this and replace the word God with whatever you need to if you don't share my beliefs. But recently I was talking to my sister and she share this with me. And it's a reminder. Our dad was an alcoholic. And it was. It was a. It was tough because he. He did recover and he. He went to AA and he worked that, that system, the 12 steps and all that. But we really resented all the slogans. We really did like, you know, screw guilt and one day at a time and, you know, all these things that are great. But it was just weird because he had not really shown up. He wasn't able to show up as a dad. In all those years that we probably needed him. And it was just weird. One thing though, that she reminded me of, it was the serenity prayer. You know, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. So just think about that. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. So you, as you're going through 2022 and any, you know, sort of chaos or turbulence or things are going, you know, not so well, and you find yourself sort of clenching and controlling and anxious and worried, you know, ask yourself, is this something I can control or not? Right? The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. So that has really been something that throughout this 2021 has been really helpful for me. You know, most everything, all the stuff that's coming at us in business and in our life, I'd say over 90% of it, we can't change it, we can't control it. So it's give me peace when my circumstances would have you think peace would be impossible. And that's my wish for you, is to have serenity when there's no good reason to have it. And we're going through some storms right now in our family and always in business. Major storms in the businesses this year. And some, some good, right? Some are like tropical storms where maybe, I don't know, the sun shining as it's storming and, you know, there's a reason things are happening. My stance has been to consciously and consistently choose faith and to discern, you know, when I can control something or not. And so that's my wish for you. Going into 2022. I only have love and respect for you. I appreciate you being present this year on the podcast and supporting me. If you haven't left us, left us a five star review yet, I would for sure go and do that. If you are struggling in your business growth journey, you just want to have the roadmap. We call it the Business Growth Navigator. I would go to realestate business growth.com if you have not read my book yet, I would go to ScaleOrDieBook.com it's totally free, no cost whatsoever. ScaleOrDieBook.com and we will see you, my friend, in 2022. Much love, much respect. I'm out. See you 2021.

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