1021 How to Connect with Presidents, Royalty & World-Class Celebrities w/Terrence J

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Who's the person you've always wanted to have a conversation with that you haven't had yet or you haven't met yet?

Man, let me come back to that. And that's a good one. I don't get stumped too much. I'll tell you who I'm afraid of. For whatever reason. Jay Z. I'm even better around Beyonce.

Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.

Thanks for spending some time with me today.

Now let the class begin. Entrepreneur Wesson Fazi once said, seek connection, not attention. It lasts longer. And journalist Herbert Bernard Swope said, I can't give you a surefire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure. Try to please everybody all the time. I'm so excited about our guest today. He is someone who truly understands the hustle and grind that it takes to build an empire from the ground up. Three time Emmy nominee Terence J is an actor, host, producer, entrepreneur and philanthropist who started his career on the radio at just 16 years old. Throughout his extensive career, Terrence has hosted a wide range of live shows from the VMAs and BET Award pre shows to the Grammys, Golden Globes and the Oscars. And I loved having Terence in the studio to share his extensive knowledge on breaking into the industry, making high profile connections and reflecting on his journey to success. The now this person literally knows everyone I feel like in the world. Anyone who's an influencer, celebrity or decision maker, he knows them. In this episode we talk about his top three mentors and the lessons they taught him how to build deep, meaningful relationships and career opportunities as an introvert, why you should stop being a people pleaser, and what he learned from this the hard way. The secrets to creating an instant connection with anyone you meet. This will be powerful for so many people who learn this, the tools for creating and sustaining a success mindset throughout your life and so much more. This will move you and inspire you. And if it does, make sure to share this with someone who needs to hear it. Just copy and paste the link wherever you're listening to this right now or use Lewishouse.com 1021 and text a friend or post it on social media and make sure to tag myself and Terrence J as well so he knows that you're listening to this. And a quick reminder, click that subscribe button over on the School of Greatness on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and leave us a rating and review while you're listening to this episode. Okay, after a quick message, the one and only Terrence J.

Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. Very excited about our guest, Terrence J. In the house. My man.

My man.

Good to see you brother.

Good to be here. This is incredible. Your build out is incredible.

Thanks, man. I'm having fun trying to be, trying to be like you. You are doing everything you're doing, producing, acting, hosting, now the head of talent and all these different things that you're doing right now. And you've, you've been kind of in mainstream culture for the last, I guess 15, 20 years now. It seems like you know everyone. Yeah, it's like you know Obama or at least you've been in rooms with Obama and Michelle and Barack. You've, you know Beyonce and Jay Z and Kevin Hart, your buddies with. You just know everyone. Yeah. That's amazing.

I was so excited to get the invite. I wanted to get to know you. I see you always pop over my feed. Really? You pop up my feed a lot. You must have a deal with Instagram because you always pop up and I'm Always, you know, catching just a quote off of your show. That just gets me through the day, for sure. I'm excited to sit down and talk with you, man.

Something that's interesting. I feel like we have a lot of similarities in that you are a master networker and building relationships. I feel like I've done a good job in my industry of building relationships, coming from nothing, just a kid from Ohio that wasn't in this industry.

Yes, you have.

And just kind of like adding value, one person at a time and building something from nothing. And that's something that you've done as well. You've just, okay, let me go put myself out there and get this one gig and then build a relationship and get another gig. How do you feel like you've been able to master the art of relationships over the years with coming from, you know, really not much.

You know, Will Smith has this video, it's super famous online, and he talks about the treadmill. Yes, the treadmill.

So good, man.

Good. And, you know, I mean, how old is that video? 10, 15 years. And, you know, he talks about building that wall and every day just laying down that brick. And what I realize is that every time I walk into a room and I have a conversation with a person, you know, life is not linear. It might not be the next day I'm going to get a phone call that that was something that led to my next level of success. But it can be two, three years down the line. It can be two, three months, and the dots will just connect or will speak about you to this person that may bring you in for this. And so I just try to live my life knowing that every time I walk out of my door, every single person is in my life for a reason, and nothing is to be taken for granted. And I just know that, you know, the achievements that I want to have are going to come from the people that I associate with. And so Damon John told me a year ago, he was like, your most important asset is your Rolodex. And so I just try to utilize that in the best way I can.

How do you. I 100% agree with that. And I think my relationships have been what got me where I'm at. How do you stay on top of connecting with people when you've got thousands in your Rolodex and probably hundreds that you're close to on a certain level and then dozens that you're very close with at different stages of your life and season of your life? How do you constantly stay in touch over Text and email and phone and meeting a person.

I am horrible at it. Horrible at it. You know, our primary function of communication is text messaging, and there's no organization of text. Right. So on emails, I can put things into buckets and know, you know, all my film stuff goes here, television things go here. All of my, you know, production stuff goes here and. And can organize myself based on it. But with text messages, if you get behind in two days, you can get really lost. So I try at least once a month to go through all of my texts. And then another thing that helps me get through is I'm always doing something right. And Instagram and social media has really helped me stay on top of my connections. So even if you hit me to check on me and I forgot about it, if I have another event coming up or a photo shoot or a party that I want to invite you to, I'll go down my Instagram and just invite every single person I know. And so that'll kind of keep me in the loop with people that I might not have contacted in a long time. So I'm just always staying on top of people. So social media has helped me with that tremendously because I'm horrible. Horrible at it. Horrible at it.

You say Damon John is a mentor of yours. He's a buddy of mine as well. He's been on the show a few times. Good guy. Who would you say are the three biggest mentors you've had in the last year? Because you've gone through different stages of your career over the last two decades, but in the last year, a lot has happened in your life, professionally, personally, obviously, Covid the world wise. Who do you lean on? Three people. And I know it's hard to probably pick three, but who's really helped you in this season of your life?

Damon's really been. But we've already said him.

Mentioned him. Yeah.

Three new we know. Damon Lena Waithe is incredible. She reached out to me when I was at a really low point in my life, and it was crazy because I didn't know her, and she reached out when I was going through something. You know, when you wake up one day and it's bad press and you're like, oh, man, the world is over. And she just contacted me out of the blue, and we've kind of built a relationship over the past two years. And so even though we're similar in age, she's kind of served as a mentor to me. Kevin Hart just continues to, you know, motivate and inspire me in so Many ways.

You guys had a lot of projects together, right? You've done movies and tv.

Yep. We've done a ton of things together with Kevin and Will Packer. They're great. But Kevin. My birthday was this April. It was a couple of months ago. And I had him on IG Live. And I was like, man, I gotta get a gym like yours. And Kevin surprised me by building a gym in my garage.

No, he did not.

Yes, he built a gym.

Did the boss come out and build it for you?

Boss came out and he did the whole thing. And, you know, boss has all this energy, and he's like, we're going to. And he built the whole. He put the floors in and the whole thing.

Wow.

And it motivates. So now I'm in the gym every day. Like, I'm healthier than I've ever been. And I'm now using this to build somebody else a gym because I'm like, Kevin had no business building me a gym. I should have did it on my own. So now I got to pay it forward for him. But acts of kindness like that Kevin just. It just. It amazes me at Kevin's level of success, his level of connectivity and retention for things. He'll remember something we talked about six years ago and be like, yo, you didn't do this idea we talked about. What are you doing? And so Kevin's really good at that. So I'll say Kevin. I'll say Lena. And then, you know. You know, I'll say my parents, who I didn't. I've always been close with them, but more in a peripheral capacity. And I've really taken this time over Covid to push myself to talk to them every day. So I just shot a movie with Deon Taylor, but prior to that, I was speaking with them every single day. We were either texting or doing photos or something to each other. And now I try to. Every other day, every two days, I try to talk to them. And just having that level of communication has really inspired me as well.

You were raised by a single mom, right? Or did you have a stepdad?

My stepdad came into the picture when I was, like, three, four years old.

Gotcha. Your mom had you when she was 17?

Yeah, yeah, she had me at a really young age.

And you never met your father? Is he alive today? Do you know? Is he.

I don't know at all. For years, it was just a touchy spot, and I had always. There was a certain point where I felt like, oh, man, I don't want to reach out to this guy because he wasn't there for my mom and he wasn't there for me.

So why care about him?

Yeah, exactly. Then there was a certain time where I was like, oh, well, now if I reach out to him, he's gonna want something. Right. And now I'm at a place. I'm at a different place of maturity and understanding. And I hope he's alive. I would now talk to him and communicate with him because I think now at this stage of manhood, I wonder what the perspective of having me was like for him. Meaning I know my mom's version of this story and I know my rendition of how my life went. But I'm sure him having me, I don't know any of what he was thinking. So I would love to hear that. And then also, you know, as we get older, I'm wondering what health wise is going to be wrong with me. Do I have other siblings? So, yeah. So now I am starting to think about those things and hopefully it's not too late.

Huh. Do you know how you can get in contact with him or where you'd even start?

No. I mean, I have resources. I could. I could figure it out. It's just gonna be one day I wake up and actually do it. Today's not that day. Yeah, but yeah, one day. One day I'll go back and do it.

Well, you wrote a book about the wisdom from your mom, kind of lessons from your mom that she brought to you. What was the main lesson she taught you that really has stuck with you your entire life?

To never give up. To never, ever give up. My mom, you know, got pregnant with me at 17, had me at a young age. A lot of people, you know, could have called it quits, but she, you know, she strapped me to her back and moved us from New York down to North Carolina and, you know, worked multiple jobs with my stepdad and raised me. And then, you know, she ended up going back to school. School and you know, achieving her dreams and they built their own house. And so I'm very proud of her. And she just would always tell me like, you know, whatever it is, just don't give up. And that's just always been my mentality is just, you know, whatever. There's nothing that's unachievable in life besides me making the NBA.

Besides that. You like to hoop a lot, don't you?

Yeah, yeah. I'm not any good anymore, but I love to play.

Sometimes I love to hoop.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You're tall. You're a big guy. I don't know how I'm doing out there.

I'm curious. What is the lesson your dad taught you in his absence? The greatest lesson he's taught you, even though you've never met with him? Has he ever seen you? Did he. Was he there when you were born, in the first few weeks, or was he around?

My mom tells me. And again, these are. You know, it was always for your entire life, something is a fact. And then at a certain age, you realize that, you know, it's my mother's perception of what it was. Right. It could still be a fact. I just, you know, I am open to the possibility that things might have been different from a different perspective. Right. She says that when I was an infant, she ran into him at a corner store, bodega in New York City somewhere, and that she told him to buy me, like, some formula and some diapers so that she could always say that he gave me something.

Wow.

And so I do know that that story. I just don't know anything really else. And again, my mom is such a terrific mom, and I was blessed to have an incredible stepdad. And I was, you know, I was raised in a. In a multicultural home. My stepdad is Puerto Rican, and. And he looks white. And so I was just raised with my mom. Christian background, dad, Catholic background, Hispanic. And he could speak Spanish.

You speak Spanish?

No, I don't. But I was raised around it. I should be able to. And so I was raised with all those upbringing. But what lesson did my dad teach.

Me in his absence?

In his absence is, you know, is that there's such an idealism that having two parents or having this perfect American dream of a family is the recipe for success. And I think that I am an example of having a very spliced upbringing in the 1980s in New York City. And, you know, I went to multiple high schools, multiple middle schools, traveled up and down from New York to. And so I have a lot of the ingredients for a crazy person, but luckily, I haven't turned out too crazy yet. Not all the way there, but, you know, I think you can achieve anything even if you don't have certain things in your life.

Now, I heard somewhere that you're an introvert. Is that true? You're, like, introverted.

I am, to a certain extent.

You're a certain extent. Is that true or not? I heard that somewhere. Maybe you said that in the interview somewhere that I saw.

Yeah. I have a facade of a personality that I kind of put on when I walk outside of the house.

But you're outgoing and this.

Yeah, but I'm. But unless I'm genuinely interested, like, I'm like, I'm very, like, I'm very curious about you and your business. So I'm very excited to be here because there are certain things that, you know, will bring me out of my shell. But besides that, I'm like, super, like, introverted. But then I throw these really big parties at my house too, so I'm kind of like Great Gatsby as well. So it's kind of, you know, how.

Does an introverted person build this kind of mass connection lifestyle where you're connected to everyone, you have a big personality on screen, on interviews, things like that. How do you build deeper relationships when you kind of are more introverted? Because I think that's exhausting for a lot of introverts to be around a lot of people all the time.

It's a defense mechanism. And then once I was able to monetize it and socialize it and understand the value of it, I was able to utilize it when I needed to. And like I said, I do love people and I love the core of humanity, and I still believe in people. And so it's not always putting it on. Right. There are certain things that I love, love doing, but I can also, like, completely be in my house for 48 hours working on a script, not talk to anybody. You know, like I said earlier, I'm notoriously horrible at following up on text messages, you know, contact people and Tiffany's over there, like.

Yeah, I know.

You know what I mean? And so when you go to so many different schools growing up and you have to switch your friendships and make new friends and all those things, you kind of turn into a sociopath to a certain extent. Right. You always gotta blend in. Right. And so, you know, you develop a big classroom personality to get yourself through and to make friends. And then once I was able to transition that personality into a radio personality and then a TV personality, then I was able to kinda, you know, function at a higher level of doing big shows and doing those things. But then coming off camera and, you know, really, you know, having two or three people in my life that I'm, like, obsessed with, and then that's it. And then I'm obsessed with animals, too.

So are you?

Yeah, yeah, I'm obsessed.

You have dogs and cats? Yeah, yeah, both.

Just dogs.

Just dogs.

How many do you have?

Three Now.

I've got a little Pomeranian. The best my girlfriend does. It's mine though, now, so you know how that is. We ain't hear you.

He probably loves you too.

Oh, she loves me. She loves me. Amazing daughter. I'm curious, what would you say is your greatest superpower and your biggest defect?

Man, I guess my greatest superpower is, I think, people skills. I am. You'd be hard pressed to find somebody that you can dump off in any type of room and adjust accordingly from.

The most influential to the everyday person.

And yeah, I can be in the White House with the Obama administration. I could be in that White House and function in a presidential library with scholars and dignitaries and princes and presidents. And then I could be, you know, with TI at the Trap Museum in Atlanta, you know, rolling dice. Right. I could kind of function in all those spaces.

Yeah. And your greatest defect?

I got too many to name.

You're like, which ex girlfriend should I ask?

Yeah, you can ask any one of them and they'll probably have their own laundry list.

What do you think is the thing that's holding you back from the next level on your dreams, your career dreams, your life goals? What's that thing? It's not a defect, but maybe it's just something that you see. I need to become better at this.

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You know, I have such a macro point of view on so many things that when I like at any given time I'm working on eight different projects and because of that you know most of them will never come to light, right? I'll never get any of those eight done. I might get one out of eight done and it won't even be at my maximum capacity because I'm not great at Focusing, Right?

I have.

Me too.

Yeah.

So many projects. It's so fun to have so many.

Different things happening, you know, and then I end up. I end up working for everybody. Like, right now, I work for everybody.

Really.

You know, it'll be. One person will call me. My good friend Kenya Barris might say, hey, you know, let's do a dinner on this weekend. Let's put a good group together. Now I'm in. You know, Lenny S. All your energy.

Is on that weekend.

I gotta make sure this dinner is perfect. You know, I gotta make sure the guest list. Mark Burnett will call me and say, all right, we're doing this show. And then I'm like, okay, we're all. And so I'm so easily distracted, so easily pulled in different directions. And again, the. The problem is when. When I didn't have anything. When I didn't have any money, it was a lot easier for me to focus, right? Because I knew I had to, like, do something to make money.

Make a dollar.

You're like, yeah. But then when you wake up and you don't have to worry as much about money, then it just becomes like, what am I gonna do today? Right? And then. And that's a dangerous position to be in. So that's my biggest thing is now, like, focusing. I've kind of taken. I would say, like, the last year off, if that. You know, I've kind of. I've taken a lot of time to just, like, be. I started working when I was 16 years old and went straight through. And I've been under contract. I've been under contract where there's a morality clause every day of my life since I was 16 years old. So either I was from.

Meaning what? Meaning morality clause. What do you mean? Like, you can't get into trouble.

Yeah. Meaning, you know, I was on commercial radio at 16 years old. I was on commercial radio all through high school. I started working for NASCAR car right after I started working at. I was at BET for eight years or something like that. Seven years. I was at E News for three years. I have an MTV deal. So I meaning to say, if I ever did some crazy stuff, there was always in the back of my mind, I can directly lose this pot of money. So I've always just operated, like, you know, cautiously. I've always operated cautiously.

So now that you've been free for a year, are you just, like, reckless and just, like, now I can do everything crazy I want to do. I don't care what happens and this and that across the board yeah.

Having fun? Absolutely.

That's great, man. What would you say is the main vision for your life Moving forward after 21 years of doing everything and going all in on so many different projects? Do you have a main focus right now, or is it still in discovery mode for the next stage?

The loss, our collective loss of Chadwick Boseman has really changed my life.

Were you pretty close?

Not that close. Definitely a solid rapport. But I admired him tremendously, and I looked up to him a lot. And every time we would meet each other, see each other in public, we'd have a conversation, he'd be like, oh, man, you the man, T. And I'd be like, no, you are incredible. And I think, you know, and I say our collective law because he was all of our Black Panther, right? We all lost Chadwick. And to see the response after his loss, not just about his films and his work, but who he was as a person, right? The amount of time that he spent at hospitals with kids, the amount of time that he spent giving back, and even just the mentality to not let people know that you were going through something, right? I'm such a big mouth that, you know, if something was wrong with me, everybody, I'm gonna have a whole tour, Everybody come visit me, come see me. I'm hurt, right? I'm gonna have a whole pity. But the fact that he was, like, so, like, strong to personally go through something like that, right? Like, his whole life is just really inspired me. And so for me, like, I know that, like, if. I know that if I died tomorrow, like, I got a. I've done a lot of work right there. You know, I'm hoping BET would be able to have a whole day dedicated towards things that I've done. Right? I was on this TV show. I put out these movies. Like, your work will live on, right? Yeah. But I want to make a bigger impact on people. I want to right all wrongs that I've done in my life. Any business, any personal relationships, any family, anything that I've had a deficiency in or I didn't nurture. I want to spend the biggest part of my life nurturing that. I want to give back more. I want to help more. I want to inspire more. I want to be a better person, because that's really. That's really all it boils down to. It's like, you know, we've lost this last year, 2020. We've lost some incredible people. We've lost Kobe Bryant. You know, I'm still missing Nipsey Hussle. I'm still, you know, there was a young rapper who's phenomenal, named Pop Smoke, who I got to spend a lot of time with before he passed, you know, in his. In his very early 20s. And it's like when. When you look at this, this has been a hard year, you know.

Yeah.

And. And for me, more than anything, I just want to impact people in a positive way.

Yeah. We had Kobe on. Tiffany was there when we filmed and interviewed. It was really powerful episode and interview for me. Were you pretty close with Kobe? I know you spent some times with.

Him, but, you know, 10, 15 year relationship of just, you know, and again, you know, in our industry, closest, you know, you have your close and then you have the people that you see once a year, every year for 15 years. Right? Yeah. And it's like, it's, it's. It's crazy, you know, I'm 38 years old, you know, to lose people in our age range, you know, it's weird. It's the weirdest thing. And it's like, you know, you know, if you had some time with Kobe, you know, how inspiring he was.

Game changer. What was the big lesson he taught you? From knowing him personally, but also just experiencing him from afar, Man.

So Michael B. Jordan had the premiere for Just Mercy. This is three weeks before Kobe passed. Wow. And Kobe hosted the premiere. Me and Kobe hosted the premiere for. It was for Mike and Jamie Foxx and.

Great movie, by the way. Yeah, yeah.

Brie Larson was backstage. She's in Just Mercy. And. And so it's. It's me, Kobe Bryant and Brie Larson randomly sitting backstage waiting for Jamie Foxx to stop doing his comedy act. Right. Random night that I'll always remember. And so I'm sitting kind of in the middle of them, and all of a sudden I use my, you know, my. Our hosting skills are kind of just chameleon skills. And I just kind of started connecting dots in a weird way right between the two of them. And I was like, man, you know, you know, you Captain Marvel and did you grow up watching? Because sometimes it's hard for people to connect.

Of course.

And I remember he was giving her advice via me, and the conversation was pretty much just on, like, being a champion and going after success. And what he said was that it doesn't matter how much you accomplish, you know, on the field, in work or whatever. He was saying that his biggest accomplishment was being the high school coach for his daughter and that spending time with her was more important to him than any of the Chips that he won. And I remember, like, looking at that, and I was like, oh, my God. You know, this guy who is, you know, my favorite top three on anybody's list is saying, now that doesn't matter. All the dunks, all the chips, all the MVPs. Family is the most important. So for me, I gotta start a family.

I gotta.

You know, I don't have any kids. I'm getting old. I gotta figure that out within the next year. So that's definitely moved to my priority list.

Who's been the most impressive person you've ever interviewed or met or worked with on set that you were just, like, 360 approach. Because there's some people, like, they're incredible at their career, but not that good in family or relationships. There's some people that are great in relationships. There's some people that are good in their health. Others are great in career, but a little obese or whatever. It's like, who have you seen as, like, 360 whole human approach? Just like. You are an unbelievable human being all around. Obviously, no one's perfect and they got their flaw.

I can name two people. The most impressive would be Michelle Obama. Yeah, she is just impressive. And whatever. They're. So you could be around her in a room, right? She could be on the other side of the room, and you won't see any handlers, like, near them. Right. There's nobody that comes over and whispers in her ear. So then when. When it connects with you, and then she'll come talk to you like, 10 minutes later, and she'll be like, personal on you, like, oh, yo, how's it going with such and such? And I'm like, how do you. Because you got to retain so much. So I. I am always impressed with, like, her level of retention and how she. He operates. I think Michelle Obama is just phenomenal. And then I don't know why he popped into my mind, but, like, the nicest guy I know is Jason Kennedy. Do you know Jason Kennedy?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

One of the nicest guys I know. I don't know why JK popped into my mind, but JK is, like, one of the nicest guys I know. If I. If I could, like, him and his whole crew of, like, Judah and all those guys.

Yeah.

If I could, like, be nice, like a person, like, genuinely.

He's very nice.

Yeah, JK Is, like, one of the nicest.

He's on E. News.

Is that right? Or is he on. What was the.

He's on.

Yeah, he's on E News.

And you guys work together?

We work together, yeah. We co anchored E News for a while together. And he's just like a really nice guy.

He's a good human being.

He's a good human being, yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. He might have a torture chamber in Jason. You might have a torture chamber in your garage. I don't know. But as far as I could tell you, one of the nicest.

What do you think it takes to be a great host of a show, of a. You know, an event, of anything? Because you've done it all. You've done celebrity stuff, red carpet hosting, to events, to Miss America or Ms. USA. Not sure what it's called anymore, but you've done it all.

What's it.

What's it take to be someone who wants to be a great host, whether they want to be on a show or hosting a show, but just a great host in their life for their local events, for their friends and family? What do you think it takes?

You want, like, broad or like some specific. Like both.

Yeah.

Some specific things that pop into my head. Read a lot and do your research. The more you know about whatever you're going into, the better you're gonna be. Another specific thing that gets me through a lot. Don't try to pronounce or say a name. If you don't know how to pronounce or say that name, just ask them. Just either ask the name. Count on your lower thirds to protect you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait for a producer to tell you in your ear if it's a live event or, you know, the worst thing is if being on a red carpet and interviewing a musician and you don't know how to say their name and saying it wrong and getting corrected, you've lost it. You've lost it. You're better off just staying evergreen and saying, how does it feel to be just staying Evergreen? Don't try to say a name wrong. That's. I just. I never try to get people's name wrong because that's, you know, it's important.

It's very personal to an intimate.

Very.

I'm sure I've messed it up many times.

We all have Big, big macro level things. Be yourself. Have fun.

Yeah.

Smile. Know your audience. And, you know, hosting has changed a lot. Do you watch the boys on Amazon?

I don't.

You have to see it. It's incredible.

Yeah, tell me about it.

There's this superhero named Homelander, right?

Okay.

And he's so used to being, like everybody's favorite hero. That in this season, there's, like, adversity and people, like, are starting not to like him.

Right?

And one of the other superheroes tells him, she's like, look, you gotta stop trying to be a superhero for everybody. The world just doesn't work. This ain't the 60s. You can't be. There's no more Johnny Carson. You just aren't it for everybody anymore. Right? Stop focusing on being the greatest person for 300 million Americans. And if you can be great for 50 million, being specific, do that. Right? And that's been one of the hardest things in my life, is that my personality type is like, I feed off of love. I feed off of energy. And I'm so used to, you know, being cool and everybody loving me. And, you know, this. The world now is not like that. Like, people will hate you just because a lot of people like you. Right? And so my advice to young hosts is to just be specific to who you are and don't worry about trying to please everybody. You're not gonna be able to please everybody. Focus on who you are. Focus on your craft. And the people that are supposed to love you will love you. And then those that don't, you don't have to worry about it, you know, but there's enough to go around for everybody. So just focus on being you for.

Someone that wants to as the people pleaser in you, like I do as well. You want everyone to love you. How do you get over that when someone doesn't love you?

It's the hardest thing in the world for me. Right? And I'm still not over it. Right. I can. I can post a photo and have 100 comments that are positive, but if 101 is like, this guy, my whole afternoon is like, man, what did I do to you know what I'm saying? Like, and so I, you know, it's. It takes really loving yourself. This quarantine has been amazing for me in that regard of, like, you know, I can't do shows anymore and feel the love.

I gotta hug it out and be like, oh, what's up? Yeah, I gotta love myself.

And that's. And that's been the greatest thing. And then when you love yourself and you realize, like, if I operate from an honest space and I operate from the space that God is flowing through me, what I say, even if the message is not for everybody, I'm operating from truth. And there's nothing more powerful than that.

Yeah. How did you learn to love yourself?

It's a process. It's surrounding yourself with the right people that will love you for you.

Right.

I've had times in my life where I was surrounded by the wrong people. Yeah. And it's hard to love yourself when you have negative energy that's directly in front of you. Right? Meaning if I wake up in the morning and say, you know what? Today I'm gonna change the world. And I'm, you know, with the person that's saying, you ain't gonna change nothing. It's hard to overcome that. Right. So surrounding yourself with the right people.

How do you surround yourself with the right people in the world of Hollywood, in the world of entertainment, when sometimes you don't know if someone's trying to connect with you for another reason or if they genuine, can they really open up to you? How do you find yourself being able to be discerning with other people that you're meeting to know, like, if this is going to be someone you want to build a deeper relationship with or if they're just trying to get something from you?

I think it comes with maturity. I think it comes with time. I think instinctually, at age 38, I'm a better judge of character and intention than I was at age 28, and a much better judge of character and intention than I was at age 18. So I think with time, you're able to kind of differentiate what it is. For me, It's being around. I would always surround myself with people I had to help. Now I'm very keen to. To surround myself with people that can help me. Right? I would have. I've had a person like Damon John, who we've mentioned in my life for years and years. I've never asked him for anything, Right? I've never asked him to, like, hey, help me be my mentor. Like, you know, I'm in. You know, last year I was in $10 million tax bracket. How do I crack $100 million tax bracket for next year? Right? And so. And he was like, been waiting for you to ask me that.

Let's talk, right?

And so it's reaching out to the people that you respect to the people that you love, and then knowing where you want to make new friendships and relationships, Right? Like, if you and me become friends, I'm going to help you and you're going to help me, right? And it's going to be a mutually beneficial thing. Two people from completely different walks of life. But you can already tell by us sitting down, just the positive energy, right? I don't want anything from you. You don't want anything from Me. But that's how you make. That's how you make the best friendships and relationships. Because then it's just. It's. It's building from a place of love and respect. And so that's how I've tried to surround myself with those people. I still have day one people around me. Yes. But I now try to, you know, I wake up and I have conversations with people that I want to have conversations with as opposed to allowing, you know, my man from the hood that just always. Oh, my God, I can't. I can't. Do you know, I can't always do that.

That can't. Who's the person you've always wanted to have a conversation with that you haven't had yet or you haven't met yet? Because you've interviewed everyone, it seems like. Who's that person? I mean, you've literally talked to everyone. I feel like.

But, man, let me. Let me come back to that. That's a good one. I don't get stumped too much. I want to give you a good answer. I'll tell you, I'm afraid of. For whatever reason, Jay Z still to.

This day interviewed him though, right?

Not just interviewed. I go to his house for New Year. It's just one of those people I'm even better around Beyonce.

What is it about Jay Z that makes you nervous?

Or. So Lydia S. Who's one of Jay Z's best friends, is my roommate.

Right.

And so right now. Right now, right.

Jay Z's best friend is your roommate.

Jay Z's best friend.

So you spend weekends with him, you're at New Year's parties, you're hanging out.

Could not see the guy more, Right. And I've known the guy 15 years.

Jay Z or his friend?

Both.

Okay. Yeah.

For whatever reason. For whatever reason. I don't know. I guess it's just something about Jay.

I don't know.

I just. He's the one person I freeze up around. I don't freeze up around Obama. I spend a ton of time with Kanye, Beyonce, Rihanna, I love. Just Jay Z is the one person I could be around. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, it doesn't matter. Jay Z is the one guy who I really. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know. Jay's just too cool.

After 15 years of being around him.

There'S always that one. There's always that one.

Yeah.

And so Lenny S, who's my roommate, his friend, he tears me a new one every time he's like, I could not have given you more alley you. And he was like, and Jay Z can see smell your fear. He smells your fear.

So now when he's around, he sees you trembling.

He smells your blood. He can smell it in the water. I'm like, oh my God. I can't. I just can't. I always fumble when I'm around. Always.

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How often do you experience self doubt? Is it just around Jay Z or is there when you're launching a new movie or a project?

Oh no, every day. You know, every day I, you know, I'm doubtful about something. You know, I'm, I'm a very, I have a very big personality and I have a lot of energy that I put out into the world and you know, I'm very proud of what I've accomplished. But I'm always, you know, there's always doubt. I think my ability to overcome that doubt is why I've been able to be successful. Right? So when I was at 106 and park, you know, there weren't a lot of multi hyphenates at the time like there are now. And you know, I wanted to be an actor and there were a lot of people that told me I couldn't do that and I had a lot of self doubt. But it's my, it's my, my ability to say yo, forget it and go after it that allows me to do both. So I think, yeah, but I have self doubt every day, really. And that's okay. Yeah.

What are the three things you do to improve your self confidence when you doubt yourself?

Oh, what do I do to improve my self confidence? You know, I don't.

How do you not stay stuck in the doubt? You know what I mean? It's like, because a lot of people in the world doubt themselves on a new project or meeting someone or whatever it may be, just going to their job and presenting something new, they doubt themselves. How do you continue to say, I feel this, but I'm gonna do it anyways and put it out there? Hopefully it works.

So that's a, it's, it's a joint thing for my career and it kind of goes to what I was saying earlier. So the whole first half of your career, almost the first half of your life, you're operating off of a necessity, right? When I was coming out of college, I had student loans, I was poor, I was living in my best friend's basement, right? And so any self doubt that I had was overshadowed by my need to pay rent, right? And because of that, I was able to overcome it because it's like, all right, if I don't do this, I can't eat tonight, right? And so that, that is a driving factor like no other. When you're rich, it becomes a lot harder because you maybe not just rich, when you've acquired success and people have seen your level of success, then it's scarier because now you don't have to do things. And if you do things and fail at them, you can really suffer embarrassment. Right? Meaning if I would have failed coming out of college, nobody would have saw it.

No cares. Yeah, your mom or whatever. Yeah. It's like, okay, your buddy you're living off the basement with whatever, right? Keep going.

Now if I, you know, I have 3 million followers on Instagram 3.1, right? If I put out a product and I feel like it crashes and burns, there are 3 million immediate people that are gonna look at me blogs that'll pick it up if I do something bad, right? So getting over this self doubt almost becomes more complicated when you have more to lose. I think in order to overcome all of that, you just have to dig deep, believe in yourself, believe in something higher than you. You know, believe in God or believe in whatever it is that gets you through it. And like I said, for me, it's surrounding myself with the ecosystem of support and love is like, you know, when I go through it, I have the people that I call that help pull me out of the grave. And because of that you know, I'm invincible. And because of enough of that, it's all in me. And if I have to do it on my own, I can't.

Yeah. What do you think is the thing you haven't yet healed from your past?

Jesus Christ.

I'm a big believer that if there's pain from our past, it could be a small pain. Like last week I got an argument with someone and I haven't healed it yet or something from childhood. You know, for me, I went through sexual abuse when I was a kid and it was something I held onto for, for 25 years until I started to heal it when I was 30, about seven years ago. There's always a pain or something unhealed from our past and I think it's always going to hold us back or it's going to create negative emotions somewhere if we don't learn to heal those things. So I'm curious, is there any unhealed situations, experiences from your past, whether it be recent or man?

Yeah, I would have to really self analyze and dig deep to give you. I mean, clearly, I'm sure that, you know, never meeting my biological dad, you know, plays a part in, you know, and being an only child plays a part in my detachment from other people and my, you know, inability to sometimes connect in relationships. I'm sure that all of my many failed past relationships have, have led to, you know, fear of commitment, fear of, you know, getting my heart broken again, fear of breaking hearts again. You know, career wise has been pretty on par with what I've wanted. But, you know, I've, I haven't always been the best version of myself. Right. There are sets that I might have been rude on, you know, times in my career where I wasn't, you know, at peace with myself or I was going through things. And so, you know, I just, again, like I was saying, you know, I'm just at a place now where all of the pain, body and all of the experiences now I've kind of just compartmentalized it into one thing and just using it all as far as fuel to move forward. You know, I just, I want to wake up every day now and be the best version of myself and have every single person when I walk on set, I want every single human being that I come like, yo, he's a nice guy. He was good, great. You know, he's on time. I was 10 minutes late, but he was here.

He's good. If you text me early, let me know. Yeah, it's funny, I was asking, you know, essence essence, the actress? Yeah, yeah. I was texting her before, she's a friend of mine, and I was like, you ever worked with Terrence? She's like, yeah, we worked on. I think you guys worked on a movie together for something, some project. Yeah. She was like, yeah, he's always been a great guy. Stand up guy.

Oh, that means a lot.

Since this incredible, amazing actress.

Oh, my amazing person.

Great person, right?

She's incredible.

Great human being. Yeah.

Incredible.

Incredible. I want to talk about commitment issues for a second because I feel like we're very similar in the fact that I've always wanted to like, find love and be in great relationships, but then I'm always of a fan, afraid to fully commit of like whatever reason, missing out on other opportunities or is it going to pull me back from my dreams on my career? Is it going to take time away from something? I feel like I'm in the right relationship now and it's been amazing to experience the other side. What do you think is the reason why you've had commitment challenges in the past in relationships in general? Not with a specific person, but just what do you think that is that holds you back from going all in on a relationship and want to be committed? I guess long term.

I'm sure that there's an educated way to say it. I'm sure that there's, you know, we could dig into the male psyche.

What's the raw?

The raw, yeah, but the raw, you know, I've just, I've a lot of things up, right. And I've made a lot of mistakes. And so whether or not it was the mistakes that I made in a relationship, trusting the wrong people, going down the wrong, you know, regardless of any of the relationships that I've ever been in, I just, I'm at a place now of like, look, I gotta take responsibility for. I've never been perfect in a relationship and I gotta take responsibility for that. Right. I've always contributed to the demise. Right.

Of that relationship.

100%. 100%. And so for any. There's not one ex girlfriend that I can look at and say it was all their fault. Right. They could probably look at me and say, oh, it was all his fault. But there's not one that I could look at and say, it was all their fault. Right? So at this stage in my life now, it's self reflecting and looking and saying, okay, here are the things that I've heard about myself, right? Here are the goals that I want to accomplish in a relationship. Here are the things that have held me back from getting there. And, you know, these are the things that I got to do to get what I want, right? And so, you know, a lot of guys cheat, right? Cheating is a thing that happens. I feel cheating is connected with the universe. You always get caught, right? So even if you don't get caught by the person, the universe will catch you.

Right?

And so if you look at why some of your relationships fail, it's because you weren't a good guy. You didn't do the right things, right? I'll tell you a story. Staying a girl, this must have been 10, no, may have been like 13 years ago. And a group of friends of mine were in Miami, and the girl I lived with the girl in New York, right? And the group of friends were like, let's just go to Dr. Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic and just get in trouble.

And you're in North Carolina, you're in New York, I'm in New York, yeah.

And I'm in a committed relationship, right?

And she doesn't go with you to.

Dr. No, she wasn't in Miami. She knew I was in Miami, Right. But there's nothing but trouble. Dr. Is a very fun place to get yourself in trouble. So me and the fellas, we were on a flight, and then we hop a little extra flight to Dr. Right? And we do an extra little weekend, and we get. We get into all types of trouble, all types of bad trouble in doctor right? Come back home and I rip a page.

Because when this is pre social media.

This is pre social media.

This is like, yeah, 100%.

So they stamped my passport in Dr. Right? You just came from Dominican Republic. Boom, right? So on my way home, I'm thinking in advance, I'm like, you know what? I'm about to travel with my girl. I'm going to take this page out of my passport.

No, you did not.

Just in case she happens to hold the passports and look at them.

Isn't that illegal or something? I'm clear.

Get back.

Have.

The girl doesn't know I went to Dr. No Idea. In the relationship, Everything's fine. Time goes by, everything's fine. More time goes by, everything's fine. End the relationship on some mutual, mutually beneficial things. Everything was fine that whole relationship. I got away with it, right? I thought everything was going to be fine, right? Started dating a new girl. I'm in it, I'm fully in love, excited. I think this girl is everything, right? I go on a trip with the new girl, right? We go, we're headed to an island and when I land in that island, and this was a year and a half after I'd done the dirt, I land on the island and they don't let me in because my passport was tampered with. And it wasn't a legit passport. Right. The girl who I liked, we had a whole group of friends. The girl who I liked, I was like, just go ahead and go on a trip. They won't let you. So when I landed, they was like, you have two choices. Either we can wait for the judge to come look at your passport and approve it.

Take three days, maybe three days.

But if not, you have to stay in jail overnight, or you can fly back home. So I flew back home immediately. And the girl that I liked met a new guy.

Shut up. No, he didn't.

That she started dating, and she left me for Right.

She did not.

100% right.

No way.

And all I could do was laugh because the dirt that I had done within a different relationship in a whole different time came back to me with my messed up passport because I was right. And so what you realize is that karma is. It will always come back for you. It will always. And it might not be. You might not get caught for the crime that you committed, but if you do dirt, you will get caught. It will happen to you, and it'll be something else you. That. That you want, and it'll happen to you, and you will get caught. So that's always my lesson with moving forward, is like, I'm trying to operate just being a good person, knowing that the universe will take care of me. Because if you don't, you will go down.

Yeah. It's interesting because the relationship I'm in now, within the first week or two of us kind of starting to date, I opened up about just everything from my past. I was like, you know, here's where I did right. Here's where I did wrong. Everything right, clean, like, about everything. And she goes, one thing I request from you, always be honest with me and tell me the truth. And I said, are you sure? Because I don't know if you can handle it. Because most relationships, I tell the truth, they can't handle it. That's why I hold back a little bit sometimes and then turns more and more. And I said, are you sure? She said, yes, I can. And it feels amazing. Now there's times where I tell her the truth where she can't handle it. And it's hard because it's a challenging conversation. Not because I did something wrong, but she just didn't like the truth or whatever it was, but it feels amazing to be 100% clean on your side of the street. Whether the relationship works out forever or doesn't work out, I know that I'm at peace inside.

Yeah.

And I'm at peace whether it's we're together forever and have babies or we break up today. It's like I feel clean peace. And it's not because I did anything wrong or said anything wrong. It's because it just wasn't the right fit.

Is there any better feeling than that?

It's incredible, man.

It's like to wake up and not look over your shoulders.

And here's the thing. It's funny because so many guys have come to me over the last year because I'm dating a very high profile person from Mexico who's got a big following and very desirable for a lot of men. And I have zero insecurity or jealousy. And almost in every relationship in my past, I've been very protective. Let's say, like, if a guy gave a weird look or said something down the street, it was like I wanted to fight and kind of protect. It's. I don't know what it is. Maybe because I'm older now. I'm 37, and I was just like, going through a lot of different breakups in the past. I'm just like, so not jealous anymore.

Yeah.

It's weird to have that feeling, but it feels incredible because I don't feel like I'm ruining the relationship from those emotions. And I think because I'm being so honest and clear and truthful, it's making me less insecure whether she is as well.

Right.

Yeah.

So I don't know. I just feel at peace. Like, if it doesn't work out, it's.

Not meant to be.

There's no greater feeling.

It's incredible, man.

There's no greater feeling than not having to check the. Your, you know, your phone, knowing that the call I don't have. Deleting something, a password, nothing. It's all good.

If she opens up and looks at any social media, I don't have to worry about a thing, bro. It's amazing.

You can hold my phone. Call your mom. I'm gonna go to the kitchen.

I'll be, you know.

Oh, you have my phone. It's okay.

Yeah, exactly. It's the best feeling in the world. It's great you've gotten to that point too.

Yeah, I'm just at peace with everything. I'm just at peace with everything. And as A good interviewer. I know where you go with this next, so I'm just. I'm at peace with everything that's good.

I'm curious about imposter syndrome. For me, I believe a lot of people don't believe they are enough for the next situation. To be on the stage and give a speech in front of an audience, to launch a book, to be in the room with the Obamas or whoever is in their industry. How do you deal with imposter syndrome? Thinking like, I'm just a kid from Queens with, you know, a single mom who I don't have my dad. I've worked my way up, and now I'm in the room with Jay Z or the Obamas or whoever it may be. Do you deal with imposter syndrome ever? And if so, how do you deal with that to know you belong in the room?

I don't. I don't. I'm trying to think. If I do. I don't feel like I deal with imposter syndrome as much. I feel like I have a ton of flaws. I don't particularly know if that's one of them or if that's how I would categorize it when I walk into a room with those people. Like, I have a defense mechanism that I just kind of automatically put on. I have a bag of tricks.

Right.

That, you know, I'm just able to access for years.

Yeah.

You know, just things that I think.

Of the book, the game. When you said that, you know, I'm talking about. It's like you're trying to pick up a girl. You've got the pickup line. You've got this magic trick. You're like, Hey, 100%.

There are those certain things that will connect with anybody that I'm easily able to access. Whether you're talking to Obama or whether you're talking to Sean Penn, there's always just certain things that.

What are those things? Those three key things that you can connect with anyone in a moment from.

Meaning the.

I'm a student. I know a lot about a lot of people. So, like, sports are always those things now. The pandemic is always one of those things. You know, I'm able to look at what you're wearing, piece it together, find the common denominators, you know, then I have my other bag. I got, you know, voices. I can go into things that, you know, like when I'm in a room with people and I have to put on in that room, I just. I know what's worked for me in the past and how to. How to take over that.

What do you mean, voices? Like, you'll like voiceover.

You just try to do it.

I mean, I don't know. What do you mean? Like, you try to be like Mike Tyson. You try to be like Kevin Hart. What do you mean, voices?

No, no, there are certain. There are certain inflections.

That tonality of your voice.

Yeah, there's certain tonality of my voice that I can use to accomplish what I want to accomplish.

Like what? Give me an example. You walk in with Obama or Jay Z, even though you mess it up every time, you walk in with someone like Obama for the first time, and you've got to connect. You've got three seconds before you got to do the next thing. How do you feel?

It doesn't really work. Okay. I'm trying. Okay, how does that work?

You know what I mean?

Yeah. Okay, say, what do you say to.

Obama the first time? Like, are you looking at his shoes right away? You've seen him watch. You've seen, like, the flag, the president.

So when I met him, basketball.

You're trying to access everything.

So what I'll do for, like, in Obama, like, so if I'm in the White House for the first time, I will access something that I know everybody around us, experiences that I feel like people would be unable to say to him. And I'll be able to crack the barrier by expressing that thing, right? So, like, I think the first thing I met when I met Obama, when you go into the White House, they have. And you go into the bathroom, they have napkins, right? And those napkins say the White House, right? Obama administration, whatever they say, right? So I whisper to a side like, I stole a lot of napkins to Obama. Yeah, yeah. You said this to him now please don't have secret security. And he just busts out laughing. Yeah, he's dying laughing, right? It doesn't matter who you are. Saying that to somebody, like, the moment and it'll come, he'll be like, oh, so nice to meet you. Like, I stole a lot of napkins. I'm sorry, they in my pocket. I'll take them back if you need. Like, he's dying laughing, right? He's already dying laughing, right. So I'll just figure out what I feel like. And then knowing his personality and, you know, he's sharp with it too. He'll be like, you have 10 seconds to get through. You know, I can't remember what it was, but. But he completely played into it.

Roger, get out of here.

And he was so, you know, generous about it and fun about it. And then from there on it was like the barrier was broken. Right?

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I think it's just, you know, as hosts, especially with it's important to just find those common, you know, denominators, break down those walls. And then once I, once I get you that first, first hook, then I can do anything in the room, then I feel invincible. Then I'm good.

What about if it's a scenario where you're in a room in an event or party and you don't know you're meeting this person. You knew you were going to meet Obama, so you kind of had a preparation to go into it, but Tom Cruise hit you on the back of the shoulder and you're like, what do you say when you turn around? Or someone Introduces you real quick to someone. What's that tool that you'll access to make sure you create a great impression and start to build that relationship?

Yeah, it's it again, that. That comes from what I call a bag of tricks. Yeah. So what I'll say is, I remember this is before Wikipedia. I would study people, right? I would look, you know, up people, you know, I mean, you and I are older than Internet, right? So we know what it's like to look on the encyclopedia. Encyclopedia. Look at magazines, do research. I'm a student of people.

Yeah.

You know, whether it's somebody on Broadway, whether it's an ice skater, like, I'll try to know. So that if Tom Cruise knocks on my shoulder, I'm able to say, yo, your last movie, whatever, Right. I'm always able to flip into it if I'm at that type of event. Now if he catches me at the grocery store, you know, I'm not saying I haven't fumbled, but I would say out of eight times of getting caught off guard, I mean, 10 times getting caught off guard, I'm pretty good at seven to eight of them.

Yeah.

Two of them I might fumble through. But most of the time, I study enough about a lot that I'm able to just flex into one of my bag of tricks.

What's the greatest skill you think every human being should learn from this movement moving forward if they haven't already learned this skill? Is it the art of studying people? Is it having a bag of tricks? Is it health and wellness? What is the skill you think people need to learn the most to help.

Them in their life is to maximize your potential of what you're great at. The greatest thing that you can do is tap into your genius. One thing Jay Z will say is that every single one of us has genius in us. We're all brilliant. A lot of us are scared to tap into what that is, and a lot of us want to tap into the wrong thing instead of actually focusing on what you are passionate about and what you can be great at. You know, 15 years ago, 10 years ago, if you wanted to be a host, the thought was for you to be as evergreen as possible. Right? Back then, I was getting booked for everything. I'm hosting NBA slam dunk contest shows. I'm hosting Miss usa. Why am I? Because I'm an evergreen host, Right. Today it's not about that. There's a fishing channel. If you're about fishing, hone in on that. You don't have to be an expert bowler to be the greatest person on the Food Network. Right. You don't have to know everything about fashion in order to excel on CNBC. Right. So whatever you're passionate about and you love, and this is not just for being a host, but to find true success and to find true happiness. I think the true ingredient is to focus on what you love and what you're passionate about, and then you'll be able to foster success in any aspect of your life.

Do you feel like you could have been farther along if you weren't as evergreen and kind of like trying to host on different platforms for different audiences, but more focusing on one genre, one audience? I guess you were on one platform for a long time, but you're also hosting different places.

You know, I'm really happy today with where I'm at. I'm really happy with where I'm at. If I could trade careers with anybody, I don't think I would do it. I think that I'm in a position now that, you know, when I'm in my 50s and 60s, I'll be able to enjoy a Steve Harvey s career and, you know. Yeah. You know what I mean? I feel like I'm in a position to do that. Right. You know, would I have wanted to focus and, you know, be the video game guy and just, you know, I love a lot of things, you know, and I have a lot of fun doing a lot of things. And I, you know, I love my career. Like, I love my career and I love the level that I'm at. You know, there were times when being famous was really, really cool, and now I don't think it's as cool.

Why not?

Back when I really wanted to be famous, you were famous because you were great at something, Right? You know, oh, my God. That person walking down the street just put out a number one album. Oh, my God. That person walking down the street, you know, is the fastest running back in. Right? Oh, my God. That is a brilliant writer who put out a book, whatever. Right now just anybody can be famous. You could be famous for, you know, being on Instagram and doing whatever or having, you know, whatever, reality show, whatever. Like, there's just so many ways just.

Having one piece of content and be.

Famous and you could be famous for anything, right? And I'm not. To me, I'm not talking about anybody's level of getting to where they're famous, but now it's like, that's not as cool. Now what's cool to me is being great.

Right?

Being great at something. School of greatness Right. It's like, what are you great at? Right. How do you impact people and how do you help people? Yeah, right. I rather. I rather have, you know, an experience. If I have to spend a day where one person has an incredible experience with me that day, as opposed to, you know, being cool in front of a hundred people in a. In a gymnasium that don't really care about me. Right. So, yeah, I just feel like the world has shifted, and now there's so many more humans that you can be more specific with what you want to do, and you can still be great and still make a lot of money.

You know, I don't want to forecast too far ahead, but you're going to be 40 in a year and a half, and it's hard for me because I'm going to be 40 in, I guess, two and a half years. What would you say are the biggest lessons you've learned in this past decade? From 30 to almost 40, although you're probably going to learn a lot in the last year and a half until you hit there. But what would you say are the biggest lessons you've learned since 30 till now?

You know, everything from the four agreements.

I love that book.

You know, don't take anything personally.

So hard.

We live in a world where everybody can reach you at any time and say something to you. And you got to realize that everybody's words towards you is only a reflection of how they are feeling. And to not take anything personally, you know, to never, ever give up. You know, nobody can stop me from doing anything that I want to do.

Nobody.

There's no. There's, you know, there's. There's just nobody but. But me. Right? Only I can make the decisions that can stop myself from getting to a place that I want to get, but not letting any. No. Stop you from going after your dreams. And then the. The. The next biggest lesson is just to be a good person, to be a kind person. We, you know, humanity right now is at a. As at a turning point. You know, we got the biggest vote of our lives coming up. The sky is on fire because of global warming. You know, there's so many movements, I can't even count them right. You know, I'm marching for Black Lives Matter. I'm fighting for LGBTQ. I'm fighting for MeToo movement. I'm fighting for what's the new. There's a new one that's just happening. I want everybody to progress and feel love and, you know, I'm fighting for humanity. That's the Movement. I'm fighting for. I'm fighting for humanity to reach our maximum potential. And, you know, in that fight, I think the key ingredient, as cliche as it may sound, it's just love.

Yeah.

We gotta love each other more, you know, we gotta support each other more. We gotta be there for each other more. We gotta understand each other more. We gotta show more love. Yeah.

What's your definition of love?

My definition of love is God. God is love. A definition of love is pouring into other people the light and the positivity that you want poured into yourself. Being selfless in that way, you know, giving back empathy, sympathy, emotion. Yeah. All of that is love, you know? Yeah.

What's the thing you're most proud of that a lot of people maybe don't know about? So you've accomplished a lot of things, worked with a lot of people. You give back a lot. You do a lot of philanthropy work. You're fighting for human rights. But what's the thing you do that you're most proud of?

I don't know.

That might go on.

I don't know.

That's a tough one. That's a tough one. You know, it's. You know, there's certain people that, you know, you know, that have one thing that's so great that they can be proud of it. And I just have so many little things that it's hard for me to, like, really focus on. One that I can say is my most proud accomplishment.

Even something that's not a. Something that people maybe don't know about. Maybe it's not a big accomplishment, but it's something you changed or you learned or you developed, or a relationship that you reestablished after it was hurt for a long time, or you showed up somewhere that no one knew about, and you built a great relationship with someone. Just something internally that you're like, you know what? I'm really proud of this.

I'm really proud of the relationship I've developed with my parents. Not saying that we weren't close in the past, but I've really made an effort to become closer. My dad has a lot of health issues, and I want him around for a really long time. And just the more I get to know both of my parents, my stepdad and my mom, the more proud I am of the relationship and the bond that we've developed.

Throw a hypothetical question out there. Let's say your dad shows up in the next six months and wants to meet you, and he says, you know, I've been following your entire life. I'VE seen everything you've done. I've just been afraid to come and approach you, whatever reason. But I've seen all your accomplishments. I've seen your work on TV movies. You've done amazing. What would you want him to say that he's most proud of about all the things you've done and the person you've become through your ups and downs, if that ever happened?

You know, going to college, I think education is really important. You know, buying homes, you know, buying real estate, you know, not many people in my family were able to, you know, do that. I think a lot of times, especially for black people, all. We're a lot of first generation everything. Right. You know, we don't have houses handed down to us as much. We don't have, you know, a lot of family members that went to college that are able to get you into the album. Like, you know, we're either first or second generation. You know, we're rarely third generation anything in this country. So, you know, those American dream things for me of education, home ownership, property, and then, you know, the fact that I will be in a position to provide, hopefully, my kids with sustainable wealth for a long time and leave them something. I think those, those three things are the pillar of the American dream. And the fact that I was able to accomplish those things without him directly in my life, I hope that he would be proud that I was able to do those things. That's cool.

Yeah. Because I think the statistic is that most young black men without a father in the home. I'm going to butcher the stats, but the education rate of you of young black men finishing high school or having lower reading levels or something is extremely low based on them not being the home, as if they were in the home. Much higher. I'm not sure the exact stat, but I remember hearing that.

Yeah. I don't know what the stats are. I mean, I knew when I was growing up how bad the stats used to sound. I mean, but look, it's pretty turnkey and easy to understand.

Right.

If you have two people at home making sure you're doing your homework and making sure you get home on time, it's a lot better than one, right?

Yeah. Staying out of trouble.

Exactly. Staying out of trouble. You know, the more disciplinary factors that you have in your life that are able to control you to go to school and focus on those things, the more you'll be able to focus on those things and go to school. Right. The more, you know, in a lot of cases. Right. And so when you're able to find outliers. In those cases, it's, you know, it's to be applauded. But again, I think that the world is moving. You know, I think us as a culture, we're moving in the right direction. I just think it's going to take time. It's not going to happen overnight. You know, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

How did you use, how did you develop a mindset to achieve the success you have in your life? And what are those tools that you've developed within your mindset? Are you a big morning ritual guy? Are you a big, I'm going to read and learn and grow my mind? Are you a big meditation guy? Like, what are the tools you use to build your mindset for success?

I think, you know, for me, the hardest one is getting that first success. That's the biggest one. Once you get that first success, then I use, I understand that I can accomplish success. And then once you do that, then you can always dip back into that and accomplish success no matter how old you are, right. It's like, so once you win that first game, then you know, okay, I can win, right? I won once before, I can win again. And so, you know, I, you know, yeah, I've had a 15 year career, 18 year career, whatever. You know, I've had years where I'm on fire, multiple, doing this show, whatever. Then you have years that are kind of dry, not much going on, right. I never feel like I can't do it again because I know that I've done it. I know that I've done it at a high level. So I always know I could tap back into it. Yeah, you just got to adjust. Sometimes the world will change and if you're on top for five years, you can't, you know, nobody stays on top consecutively. You gotta take cool off. No matter who you are, if you're.

The Rock or Will Smith or Kevin Hart, even though it looks like those guys keep growing.

Absolutely. But even Rihanna hasn't put out an album in a few years. She's acquired so much success with Fenty, right. And her clothing line and her skin, right. And then when she puts music back out, she gonna crush them all over again, right? But it's not like every year it's an album, album, album. Sometimes you got to take a step back away and then you gotta go into a different direction of success, right? And so it's, it's, it's important to go with the ebb and flows of life. But once Once you know that you can accomplish success in one arena, then that can be the fuel for you in all other arenas. And what I tell from people going after that first level of success is to just not give up until you get it right. You cannot stop until you get what that goal is. And then once you get that, then you got to keep on doing it over and over.

Exactly. Do you think it's easier to become successful or stay successful? I mean, it's harder to become successful or harder to stay.

It's harder to stay successful. Yeah, I think it's much harder.

Why is that?

You know, you've seen a lot of.

People come and go over the last 20 years of your career who are massive and then they're probably not around anymore, right?

100% too many to name. I think that, you know, it's that adjustment, right. When you come out with your first body of work or your first success or your first win, you've prepared your whole life for that moment, right? If you're a 21 year old musician, that's dropping your first record. You had 21 years of emotions, experience, everything to repair. And when you do that, you're now giving out your whole bag of tricks. On that album, on that song, on that moment. Everything you've ever learned, you've funneled it into that moment of time and then it's over. Now a year later, two years later, you got to start from scratch and you have this success. So now you're lazy. You got money, you got too many girls around you, you got, you know, family members you got to take care of, you got all these other moving parts and you got to balance starting over, right, and doing your next album. So it's much harder and much easier to get that sophomore jinx than it is to come out of the gate. That's why a lot of sequels to movies are not as good. You had your whole life to prepare for this one movie. Then the studio wants you to turn around in two years. It's like, oh, we got to throw this script together. It's trash, right? I think it's much harder to keep that level of success, which is, is why preparation and research and just doing the work is so important. You know, it's the 10,000 hours from the outliers. It's, you know, in order to, if you win that first championship, you're going to win that second if you put in all the work. And that's what it takes is that level of work.

We got a few final questions for you. This is fascinating. I'm curious if you hypothetical. Let's say you lost all your money today, tomorrow, whatever, it's all gone. All your homes are gone, all your assets are gone. You've got nothing. You're back to like calling up Jay Z saying, hey, can I crash on your couch? Or whatever, right? And you had to make. Let's hypothetical, you had to make a million dollars in a year. What would you. What would be the first thing you would do? What would you create? What would you launch to be able to create that within a year with no money, no assets? You've got your relationships, but you've got none of your business right now?

I could do that.

What would it.

What would you do?

First thing you would do?

I would do it. Only fans just show my body. Let's see. Let's see. What would be the first thing? I think I would do something consumer based. I think I would utilize social media.

Consumer product, you mean?

Yeah, it's coming with a consumer product base. I think that now, do I still have my friends and my relationships?

You got all your relationships. You got your Rolodex, but what would you do?

Yeah, you know, I would, you know, I would. I would. I would start a podcast. I would. I would do a podcast where they would have to, you know, they would. Now, am I still me or still you? You're you. Yeah. Okay, so this is not hard.

What would you do?

So, yeah, so I would call you. I would. We would. We would turnkey this and flip the logo around to have a second one. We'd sell this podcast for 500 grand. And you, you know, you. You'd be my partner in it. So you would, you know, you would get 200 grand off of that to. To produce it and get the licensing fees and distribution. I would get 300. We would start the base and then take the 300 I would do. I would take 100,000 of that. And I met this really dope young writer from ucu, usc, and I want to shoot an indie film with it. So I would take a hundred thousand and do it for. For the indie film. We would shoot that film in about three weeks, and then we would turn that film around. I would sell that film to either Amazon or Netflix. That'll sell for 750 grand. So I'd have 750 off of that sale, 300 off of this sale. Then maybe I would do, like some kind of quick little product or something. My favorite sneaker cleaner is Jason Marks, but I feel like there could be like Another product in that space. Or I would, like, put a little shop on Melrose. Like, there's not enough vegan food in la. So that's something I would want to do too, is like, I would want to do, like a dope vegan restaurant here in la. So maybe I would, like, get a small business loan and do one of those. Either way, I would just start hustling every day I wake up and I would just come up with something new and I would, like, piecemeal it together.

Sure, sure.

Yeah, I would do it. I would do it in six months.

Oh, there you go.

Yeah, I'd make the million in six months.

What if you had to make a what, 10 million in a year?

That's more complicated.

That's for another podcast.

We do have to really sit down with David.

John, you've got a. What is Bewoke Vote? What is this?

Oh, Be Woke Vote. Robert Smith, Deon Taylor, who's an incredible, incredible director. Robert Smith is the black billionaire that is on everyone's list right now. And Roxanne Avon Taylor have formed a nonprofit called Be Woke Vote. And I've kind of been helping spearhead some of the initiatives to get people, especially young people, motivated and energized about this year's election. So, yeah, we're doing a big voting Be Woke Vote campaign shoot tomorrow. What are you doing tomorrow? Come by and take some photos.

Where's that?

It's 10 minutes away from here. All right, let me know. Throw a hat on your head. You're good to go.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so it's literally just about getting people registered and activated out there voting this year.

Yeah. What. How can people get involved there?

Through social media. We can send you product. There's a website that has everything, but really, it's, you know, there's so many different initiatives. It's really not about our initiative or the next. We use ours for branding and marketing to get our word out. But for me, it's about everybody inspiring others to vote. So I don't care if you're in North Carolina right now with a hundred followers on IG and you work at the grocery store. Tell everybody that's coming through, you know, at your local grocery store to go out there and vote. It's just important that all of us exercise that right this year.

Yeah, for sure. Be Woke Vote. Is that what you mean?

Bewoke Vote?

Yep.

Okay. You're Terrence J. Everywhere. Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. So make sure you follow Terrence J. You can see every person that he Hangs out. Every celebrity in the world is pretty much on his Instagram page. I want to acknowledge you before I ask these final two questions for your ability to constantly transform yourself. I think it's really hard to jump into one category, hosting, and then say, you know what? But I want to try acting. I'm really excited about this. I'm passionate about it. I'm going to do it. Even when everyone says that I'm not capable. You did that. You started doing executive producing. You continue to evolve yourself from what your past self wasn't able to do. You keep evolving, growing, and adding value to people's lives through your creativity and your expression. So I really acknowledge you for your ability to see a vision. And even if you've never done it, go make it happen for yourself. It's really inspiring. And I think young creators or talents or just anyone who has a dream can see your example of what you've done and. And follow that example. I think it's really cool. Of course, man. This question is called the three Truths. So imagine another hypothetical question. Imagine it's your last day on earth many years from now. You're as old as you want to be. You've accomplished every dream. You have great relationships, everything has worked out the way you want it to be. But for whatever reason, every piece of art, creation, video, content, movie that you've ever made, book all goes with you to the next place. And it's your last day on earth. But you get to leave behind three things you know to be true from your entire existence. Three lessons that you would share with the world. And this is all that we would have to remember you by are these three lessons. I call it the three Truths. What would you say are your three truths?

Three lessons to the world you know, don't take life for granted. Have fun in all that you do. And never trust a big butt and smile.

That's the greatest. So, number one, say it again.

Don't take life for granted. Have fun in all that you do. And never, ever, ever, ever trust a big butt and a smile.

I don't think I've ever heard that last one. But that is a great truth because you're probably getting a lot of trouble.

Very famous quote. Very famous quote.

Someone said that before.

Yeah. Poison come from a song.

Okay, okay, okay, maybe I have heard it, but yeah, you just said it in a great way. Well, this has been amazing, man. I'm so glad we got to connect. And my final question for you is, what is your definition of greatness?

My definition of greatness is is dang. That's such a My definition of greatness is living a life fulfilled, doing what you do to make yourself happy and living a purpose driven life. You know, with passion, inspiration and love. And that's a little convoluted but you can put, you can work it all in.

My man Terence Gay in the house. Appreciate you brother.

My friends, thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you found it powerful. Let me know what you enjoyed the most. The part that stood out the most and was helpful for you by going to Apple Podcast, clicking on that subscribe button and leaving us a review and a rating. Just sharing your thoughts about this episode over there. Would love to hear your thoughts on how this impacted you and inspired you in your life. And please share this with a friend. Tell Text a buddy, text a girlfriend, text a family member. Just send them a link, copy and paste wherever you're listening. Or you can use Lewishouse.com 1021 and put it in a WhatsApp group chat, put it on Facebook, put it on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram stories and share it with your friends. Also, if you like weekly inspiration and you want more inspiration from me, we text people every single week. Inspirational quotes, motivational thoughts, videos, all that good stuff. All you got to do is text the word podcast to 614-350-3960 and you'll get messages from me every single week. So go ahead and do that right now as well to stay motivated weekly. And I want to leave you with this quote from author Roy T. Bennett who said, accept yourself, love yourself and keep moving forward. If you want to to fly you have to give up what weighs you down. Oh I love this episode. Really enjoyed connecting with Terence J and hope you enjoyed it as well and.

Become a fan of his online and.

Of his work that he does. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, you are loved, you are worthy and you matter. I'm so grateful for you my friend. You know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do some something great. Tis the season of gifting and holes.

To Deck and the who's in Whoville.

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