1067 Priyanka Chopra Jonas: Create Self Worth, Find Happiness & Choose Yourself

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This is episode number 1067 with one of the most recognized personalities in the world, Priyanka Chopra Jonas. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an.

Inspiring person or message to help you.

Discover how to unlock your inner greatness.

Thanks for spending some time with me today.

Now let the class begin. Rory T. Bennett said, if you aren't grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more? And entrepreneur Bea Smith said, I have stood on a mountain of no's for one yes. I am pumped about our guest today. Her name is Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Priyanka is a multi award winning actor and producer and one of the most recognized personalities in the world. A former Miss World, she made her movie debut in 2002 and has appeared in more than 60 films produced in India and the United States. She has written her new memoir, Unfinished, as a way to commemorate her career and life up to this point. And it was my pleasure to speak with Priyanka today. And I know you're gonna love hearing about her wisdom, about her new and the new movie she's in on Netflix as well called White Tiger. And in this episode we discuss how Priyanka became one of the biggest actors both in the US and in India. How to lean into your insecurities but also build up your confidence. How Priyanka sets up her days for success when she has so much going on. How she is fighting to change the stigma against women in the world. How Priyanka navigates having work, life, balance and relationships. what to do when you put your entire life into your work and it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, why we all need to work to be more vulnerable and so much more. I am so excited about this. I think this is going to help a lot of people, so make sure to share this with a friend and let me know what you think about this episode. LewisHowes.com/1067 or just copy and paste the link wherever you're listening to this podcast. And a quick reminder to subscribe to the School of Greatness over on Apple Podcasts as each time someone subscribes, it helps us reach more people and inspire more people in the world. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Priyanka Chopra Jonas. Welcome everyone back to the School of Greatness. I'm very excited about our guest. We have Priyanka Chopra Jonas in the house. Welcome to School of Greatness. Appreciate you being here.

Thank you so much for having me, Liz.

You have been taking the world by storm over the last 20 years. You've you're one of the most recognizable women in the world, one of the most recognizable actors, personalities, and you've done so much good with your branding, with your following. I'm curious, is there ever a point where you feel, excuse me, not sure of yourself going into a big meeting, a big opportunity, a big role or moment in your life?

Definitely, and I can give you an example that I kind of wrote about in my book because I remember it so clearly. this was, say, 2014, right? So it's not like really far away. I had a talent deal with ABC Studios to do a show with them. And it was my step into America. It had taken me, it was a lot of lamenting that took me into, you know, saying, all right, because it would take time out of my Indian career. And that means I couldn't do as much work. In, you know, so it was large risk like was it what if it doesn't pay off? What if it's a waste of my time? So all of that was playing in my head and Anyway, I took the decision. I had this amazing talent deal and I loved this one show called Quantico and I had to go in and audition for it Now I had had a prolific career in India for almost eight nine years by then youn never had to audition. Audition was auditioning was far behind in.

My 2020 that was miss India day yeah.

I was like, yo, bro, everyone does it here. You're gonna do it. You're starting out, and it's new. I knew that. My practical mind knew that. But I remember when I walked into the studio where the audition was, and, you know, there were a couple of chairs outside, and there were two other girls, and they were beautiful, and they were everything that this character was. And I was like, why would you do that? Why would you let the other actors? so I was thinking about all of these things freaking out in my mind. I went to the restroom and I was like, all right, thankfully it was empty. It was great. There was only two stalls. I checked, there was nobody else. And I just had one of those moments that you have in romantic comedies.

You know, you look at yourself in.

The mirror and you're like checking yourself.

You're like, yo, you got this.

You've done 50 movies. Do you know how many movies that is? 50 movies. And I gave myself a whole pep talk. And I was like, you know your job, you're not new at this. You have experience, you have way more experience than those girls sitting outside. Use that, use what you know. And I really like empowered myself. I strutted down that hallway into that room and got that job. Wow. But it took talking myself into doing it.

What is the self-talk you do internally? If you don't have a mirror, if you're not alone in a bathroom, what's your process that you say to yourself? What are the reminders? What are the mantras, meditations that you think about before that?

It always helps me to voice it whenever I'm insecure. I either I'll write about it somewhere or I'll speak to somebody who I trust, my mom, my husband, my best friends. But I find it easier to talk about it. So that's why I have a healthier relationship with my insecurities because I take away their power by discussing them. I choose not to live with them alone in the dark recesses of my mind because then they become monsters and then they become really, really large and they're usually not real. so it's always been very helpful to me whenever I'm feeling crazy or insecure or afraid or even if I feel like I've made a mistake. My dad told me this when I was very young, when I was, you know, 16, the first time he sat me down and he gave me a glass of champagne. And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, you're 16. You know, you're gonna have a glass of champagne with me. You're gonna do it anyway. He was like, and he told me, he was like, Whatever happens in your life, you should feel free to be.

Able to do it with your parents.

There's nothing to hide from us. I'll always be in your corner. And, you know, he told me that about feelings. I always had the freedom to talk to my mom or my dad as a kid about anything I was feeling. At least to my father, I wouldn't discuss the boyfriends, but my mom, she was like my best friend. She knew about every object of attraction that I ever had. And I think that that sort of gives you the sense of confidence to be able to talk about it. And I just think it's a great first step to get rid of insecurities.

I'm just a big believer. I love everything you're saying. And I'm just a big believer that if people really listen to this and understand and take it in what you're sharing, that it's hard to achieve anything without confidence. You could have the greatest experience, you could have the greatest degree, the skills, you could have the family, you could have the money, like you could have good looks, whatever it is, you could have this stuff. But if you don't know how to build confidence when it matters, it doesn't matter if the world believes in you, if we don't believe in ourselves, nothing's going to happen. And the reverse...

The world won't believe in you.

Exactly.

If you don't believe in you. And I think like as someone in the public profession, you know, my job is to be entertaining and be confident and in every step that I take and in every move that I make. But I think recognizing that confidence is not something we are born with. It's a skill. It's like, you know, it's a muscle almost. If you think of it like going to the gym and, you know, to have muscles and to be in shape, you gotta work at it. Just like the vocal cords, people, the greatest musicians in the world, they use, you know, their vocal cords. They do riyaaz like we call it in Hindi, but which is warm-ups and stuff like that. So confidence to me is like that. You start using that at a very small level. Everyday life, you know, when you're in school, there were times when I was in school where I used to take the other hallway because I didn't wanna bump into someone else. When I started high school, by the time I was in 11th grade, I was walking in the middle of the hallway.

You're strutting around, you're getting people moving away.

Yeah. I was like, excuse me. I didn't even have to say that. I was just walking because, and that's the same person. But I think that in any profession or any aspect of life, confidence is perception is reality. Most people believe that, right? You know that how people perceive you is what they think reality is. So give them something perceivable.

Amen to that. What would you say are three things on a daily basis that you do to build confidence that you think anyone could apply for their life, even if they feel like they have no confidence?

When I wake up in the morning, I take time in the bathroom. Like I shower, I will, you know, pick the outfit that I'm feeling today. I will, you know, sort of doing my makeup and my hair sort of helps me, or my skincare routine actually, at night helps me be sort of introspective. Otherwise, through the day, I'm very erratic. I have, you know, multiple balls in the air. Professionally, I'm doing a lot of things. I'm always behind on time. I'm always playing catch up. So at the end of the night, in the beginning of the day, I really give myself some silence. I play music and, you know, I put my creams on and I really think about what the day is going to be like and how my first step outside the room is going to be. when I take that first step outside my safe space, it sets the tone for my day. So I try not to have it be erratic or scary or like, you know, if I'm late and if I'm running, that always sets the tone for my energy through the day. So I try to really, you know, start my day on the tone I want to have and the confidence I want to have. And at every given step during the day, I remind myself of the things I have instead of the things I don't have. Like insecurity comes from a lot of it sometimes, I think, comes from, oh, my gosh, I don't have this. It's not good enough, or I'm not good enough for a particular scenario or a particular situation. Or, you know, we start judging ourselves. And this was another lesson, actually, an activity that my mom and I used to do is we used to count our blessings. and, you know, me and my husband do it too whenever we're feeling crazy because our schedules are insane. We're, you know, always in different parts of the world. We do that. We count our blessings about just five things that whenever you're feeling sort of crazy and unstable that, you know, you have that you're really grateful for. And I'm not even saying this superficially. This was, like, truly an exercise, no.

Matter how badly off you are.

Someone else is worse off than you. That makes it so easy to count your blessings.

I mean, especially watching this, this latest movie that you're in. I mean, white tiger.

It.

I've been. I've only been India once. I went there four years ago and studied meditation in Chennai for a couple of weeks, but I went to Delhi and, you know, kind of traveled around a little bit. I didn't see everything, but I saw a lot of dark things and a lot of things that were. constantly reminding me, wow, I have a lot to be grateful for every moment. So I think it's important to have that perspective in our lives that we always have something to be grateful for. Even when it's the darkest time, there's something to be grateful for.

Absolutely. And that's so empowering. That, to me, is my greatest Mantra is, you know, truly and tangibly do it on your fingers. Do it like just five things. And it's. It's a great exercise to do with someone as well. Your kids, your family, you know? anytime, it's just like five things, then you have to just say rattle it out, the five things that you can think of at that point. But you know the crazy part about the white tiger is that it's based in India and you probably reacted to it because it's shot so authentically. But if you think about it, the majority of the world lives in those conditions, you know, and the socioeconomic divide that exists right now is only increasing. Even the sustainable development goals have been set to eradicate extreme poverty because it's such a big problem. There's such a large population of the world. And we as privileged society, we as privileged people, anyone who has a roof above their head and meals on their table is privileged. and as privileged people, like that's something that's our concern. You know, there's a large generation of children who don't have a choice in their future or in their lives. They don't know if they can have aspirations or dreams. And how desensitized we are. When last time, you know, you've driven past a homeless shelter and you've not even looked at it or a homeless person and not even looked at them. It's the desensitization that we as people who have, and that's the differentiation between the have nots. But it's also a reality and it's a reality everywhere in the world.

I don't want to give away the whole movie. I want everyone to watch it because it was really powerful and inspiring to see someone come from poverty to essentially become an entrepreneur and be successful in their own way. And the story is really powerful. But you took on a role that is, I found fascinating because that's probably not, I don't know if that's how you would react in real life because I know you have such a giving, grateful heart caring about humanity, but your character does something that's very controversial. And you essentially, from my opinion, don't take accountability. And how did you feel doing a role that is probably against your morals, your values, and the way you live your life right now.

I never judge my characters. You know, like I never judge people. Live and let live. Each person is individual to their decisions. And if I started, I would never be able to play bad guys. And I love playing bad guys. But I think what was most interesting for me when I was playing Pinky is she's an American, you know, and I'm an Indian who's grown up in India and understands the complexity of the diversity of that country. There is no one India. There is multiple Indias and you can spend your whole life trying to get to know it and you'll still never know her. So this is one aspect of India that is showcased in this movie, but it's also, it's more than that. story of this one man and everyone else from his perspective. So it's not us looking at him or the country. It's him looking at all of us saying, oh, you know, and especially with my character, she's woke, but she's fake woke, right? She's one of those girls who's like, why don't you pull yourselves out of your circumstances? I, my parents worked in a bodega, you know, and I pulled myself out.

Why don't you do it?

He doesn't have a roof over his shoulders. His family doesn't have food. It's a completely different complexity that most woke people don't have the ability to understand, including me. I lived there and I can't claim to understand it because I have had basic lively life rights since I was a child. I've been to school. I've had an opinion about where my.

Future is going to be choices.

And that's what's so amazing to me about this movie, that I leaned into playing a character that was fake woke and, you know, pivoted when it wasn't convenient. Me and my husband, both in the movie, not my real husband.

Right, right.

The character in the movie, both of us sort of like were like, this is not the right thing. But, you know, when it wasn't, when it was inconvenient, we kind of stood back and watched. And that's a very human testament, which is why this movie, which was originally a book by Aravind Adiga, which came out in 2008, it was a Man Booker Prize winner. It was a New York Times bestseller. When this book came out, that's exactly what it did. It was such a human sort of transcript, human behavior, you know, flawed, not black or white, living in gray, all of them living in gray, which is truly how we live. And it's sort of self-reflective, it should make people feel introspective and think about the last time we behaved like that. Plus it's clever and it's sarcastic. Sarcasm is my favorite language, so I really enjoyed the tone of the movie as well.

Speaking about sarcasm, was it pretty easy for you to To step into that character living in LA then with all the woke, fake woke people here.

I mean, I will say that I may have been inspired by my surroundings just a little bit.

I'm curious about your evolution as a woman in this industry. Typically, younger women are more desirable for opportunities in their late teens, early 20s. And it's like when you're 26, 27, it's almost like you're old as a woman and you may not be the young sexy one anymore or something in this industry. How do you feel after getting into your late 30s now? How have you evolved personally to not allow that stigma to hold you back from being who you want to be, from accepting yourself, from loving yourself, from innovating and reinventing yourself that you've done so many times? How do you not let that stigma hold you back?

I can't say that I don't. I just am hoping that it doesn't happen to me. You know, we live in a world where anything is possible right now, as we've seen in the last few years as well. And I think that I remember when I was 28, my mom sat me down one day and she said, you know, Girls have a shelf life and you're reaching that where, you know, the older boys, they're always looking for the younger girl to act with. And even if they're in their 50s, you know, they're still going to be working with 20 year olds, but you're going to be old and you need to think about a business.

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If acting opportunities stopped coming your way, that's how I actually started my production house.

Wow.

Because I was like, you,'re right. What if I'm like, I need to be financially independent in my life. But at the same time, while this was happening to me, I recognized that innovation and reinventing who I am, even for me, is so important and being true to the craft that I'm doing and the service that I have to provide, which is my job. So I started trying new things. I started wanting to grow. I didn't want to stagnate into doing the same kind of roles. I didn't want to stagnate in similar kind of parts or even languages and borders. And I did music. I was signed as a recording artist to Interscope, where I met Bows. I pivoted from that into television that I had never done, English language TV. Then I moved into features in America. Now I'm producing in India and America and acting in both these countries, which are two of the greatest movie industries in the world. But if I sat down to think about the glass ceiling that was built for me, I would never have a trajectory powerful enough to break it.

Wow.

Cause I didn't make that glass ceiling. So I don't want to think about where it is. You know, it's been made by other people. So you just kind of have to have, you know, speed and run towards your end game and, you know, have a goal and be ambitious and fuel that ambition every single day.

What is the end game?

To have a legacy. I think I want my children to be proud of, you know, the legacy that I've had. I want to be hopefully, you know, part of, you know, the history books of entertainment where I may have contributed to the arts in some way with the work that I have done or the work that I create or the work that I will do. So I want to be able to, as a woman, you know, leave a better world for the girls after us, like the women before me did for me. I don't think about voting today. I don't think about driving today. I don't think about aspiring to have the same job as a man. And all of those fights were fought by women that came before me. So it's my responsibility and our responsibility as a generation to leave it better for the next one. So those are broad strokes of my end games.

And what, I mean, I'm sure you get this question a lot. I'm just curious because my audience is a lot of high achievers. They, they're big dreamers. They're going after what they want. They're learning the skills, the tools to become more confident, more more giving, all those things. It sounds like you're doing everything all at the same time. How do you navigate intimacy, connection, love with your husband, your family, your friends, the people that matter the most to you? How do you navigate relationships with such a busy, full plate?

It's not easy. There's not as much FaceTime as you would possibly want. But when I made the deal with the devil about you know, running at this fast pace many years ago, I realized that there would be sacrifices that are required. And, you know, when you have, there's no free lunch in the world. And when you have Ambitions, you've got to sort of pay for it. And, but I overcompensate, or I try and compensate with making sure, even if I don't have FaceTime or if I've, like, for a very long time in my life, I missed you know, birthdays and Diwali and New Year's and I would always be working and all I could do was apologize and my family always understood because, you know, I was working at something. But I think that I made sure that I always call, I never forget birthdays. I will always call on a birthday if I go to a city, even if I can't meet someone, my family, my friends. I'll make sure we FaceTime. I'm very, it made me very thoughtful about the people I love. I love loving the people that I care about. I love making them feel special. And I love being empathetic. And I think it's very important to leave the baggage of the job behind when you walk into your house and just be true to what you're feeling. I think it's It's important to choose relationships when you're really busy because we can all be caught up in life. And, you know, life is like a really fast river. You know, you don't know what the currents are going to be because it's just moving. You don't know what you're going to bump into because it's just moving. But you have to choose to hold on to something when you want to take a breath, right? Just like that, you have to choose to hold on to a relationship. whatever that might be with your children, with your family, with your parents, you have to make the time and you.

Have to tell the people you love.

That you love them. Don't just assume that they know.

You got some wisdom, Priyanka. I love this.

Thank you.

I'm curious about, I know how meaningful the relationship was with your father. And he obviously got to experience a lot of your success. And I'm sure he was extremely proud of you for , you know, the 3000 movies and all the projects you worked on. Uh, but I'm curious, what do you think personally he would be most proud of that you've done in your life since his passing?

That I didn't give up. Um, you know, that I didn't rest on my laurels. He used to always push me. He would always push me to never be satisfied with what I have. he pushed my ambition. He flamed my ambition. He was always like, what's the next thing? What are we doing? He loved hearing stories about the next movies that I was doing. I used to literally marry them to him in the hospital bed as well. This is my character. And I used to break down my characters with them or movies that I wanted to make. And, you know, there were phases in my life, like that little bit of a dark phase, especially after my dad died, where I felt like, I don't know if I could keep up. with the life that I had built and what was expected of me by then, because I personally took a hit and I personally was feeling sad and, you know, sadness sort of. Sadness is strangely seductive. You know, it kind of sucks you in and you're. It's like it feels comfortable. It feels like. you're floating and it's easy. Light might be harsh a little bit, but the joy that you feel when you choose light, when you choose to let go of the seduction of sadness, I think my dad was afraid that because I'm very sensitive that I would have been seduced by sadness for a long time. He was very afraid of that. Even before he died, he used to always talk to me about Don't be sad. Do not be sad. That's I'm not going away.

I'm always with you, you know, but.

I was I was tremendously sad and But it takes it takes choosing yourself and I've done that multiple times in my life and I think it's such a powerful tool because the longest relationship you have is with yourself.

I read somewhere that about you sharing that you come into this place alone you leave this place alone. You've got to you know build that relationship with yourself I love that you keep saying choose yourself. A friend of mine wrote a book called Choose Yourself. His name is James Altucher and it's a really powerful book. It's about, you know, going after you want and choosing yourself and not allowing someone else to dictate what you can and can't do and all that stuff. But I love that you keep using that phrase because I think it's important for people to be reminded that we need to choose ourselves when no one else will choose us. we need to be there for ourselves when we're single.

It's no one's job to choose someone else. You know, your parents will do it for a while, your spouses will do it for a while, maybe your children will do it for a while. But you are no one else's responsibility but your own.

Yeah.

And what you do with your life and the choices you make dictate the sum of your life. It's such a, it's such simple math, actually. actually, we are the sum of all our choices. And, you know, if you want to achieve something and if you want to achieve greatness, and I'll give you a small example, the White Tiger, the movie, I was never attached to it. I was never approached for it. I read about it on Twitter that it was being made. I read in a trade magazine. I read a, you know, deadline, actually, that the White Tiger is being adapted by the director Ramin Bahrani. and for Netflix. And I was like, I have to be a part of this movie. I called the agents. I called my agents. I made them call the producers. I chased Ramin from Mumbai to New York to LA. I met him three times. I auditioned with him three times. I offered my services as an executive producer because I wanted the material because I want to align myself with good Content and I believe that would be good content. And that's such an example of what's the worst that could have happened? They would have said no. And that's happened to me multiple times. It's not stopped me from trying again. That's choosing yourself.

So three times you went after him. Did he say yes? He didn't say yes the first two times. Really? But you're Bianca Chopra.

Well, he asked me if he asked me, would I, would I, is it okay if you read with me? And I was like, of course. I mean, of course, it's my job.

I'm an actor.

I mean, you know, whatever you think I am, but at the end of it, I'm, that's literally my job. So I read with him twice before he eventually said yes.

How does he not say yes? I mean, you're, you know, the biggest name.

I asked him that question.

That's like a true, when someone says no to you, they're like a true artist. So like, it needs to really fit and feel the way my vision is as opposed to just going after you know, the power that you have, I'm assuming.

But can you imagine how much that made me want it even more?

I know. He was like, yeah, you're running around the world. I need this.

I'm like, I need it now.

I'm curious. What would you say looking back, you know, nearly 20 years ago to when you were just getting started in this space, this industry, what would you say to young pre about what she's about to experience. Is there any advice or wisdom you would offer?

I would say, don't sweat it. I stressed out so much. I was tied up, so tight in my early 20s. I wanted to please everyone, and I wanted everyone to love my work and love me. That's what I thought being an actor was, is to be loved. That's not what it was. I got so caught up in the glitz and glamour of it when I was so young. and I was just starting out in the business, that it took me a couple of years to realize that actually it's not about any of that. That's a byproduct of the job, you know, that people know you or know of your name or love you, hate you, or have an opinion of you. But the job really is the art and the craft of it. It's the one thing as we've seen when we've gone into this pandemic that people have done is consume content. Content has been a friend. It has been a companion. And that's my job. That's what I'm creating. And I take immense pride in being able to provide that service in a way to people as a producer, as an actor, just as a creator, as an entertainer. And when I realized that, it became such a fun job for me. I started finding characters. I started infusing life in them. What's written on paper is the writer's vision. But what happens between action and cut is where I come in. And it was so much fun to be able to take what's on paper and convert it into people. And I just love the magic of my job.

And it sounds like the more you focus on the magic of the role and the creativity of it and less on pleasing people and doing something to make people like you, you're going to attract and be a magnet to all the best opportunities.

To all the best opportunities to support, to affection, love, for sure. But you know, because you're, the reasons for doing the job need to be right. And my reason for doing my job is nothing outside of the joy I feel you know, when someone watches my work and feels something and is moved or is affected. And that gives me the greatest joy. And that's the, you know, those are the footsteps I want to leave behind as an artist. It's not going to be about, you know, how many followers I had or my bank balance or, you know, where I live. It's going to be about people remembering my work. and, you know, being moved by the work that I had done. And, yes, I take myself seriously, and I, yes, I take my job seriously, and I'm proud of that.

What do you connect your self-worth to? What do you tie it to? I think I'm hearing you say it's not about. It's not about the number of followers, the bank account. What do you.

Yeah, it's very actually clear to me. I tied to if I am doing tangible work. say, for example, I go to set and I'm acting in a movie, the White Tiger, or I'm writing my book, which my memoir, where I put pen to paper or fingers to keep at whatever I have done tangibly or a business that I am, you know, invested in. When that works, when that succeeds, that's my self-worth because I've created it with my hands, with my mind. with my ability, not with the way I look, not with, you know, how much of dinner conversation I was for somebody else or what I tweeted, but because of something I created and something that I had my hands in. When that's successful, that's my self-worth. Yeah.

What happens, again, you've done, you know, more movies than anyone I know. What happens when you put your life into your work? Maybe it's two months, three months, however long creating a project, you have big expectations. And for whatever reason, it's not received the way you want by an audience or it doesn't do as well in the box office or whatever. How do you navigate those emotions after the effort, the energy, the love that you poured into something that maybe doesn't get the results you're looking So I've.

Had so many of those. I can give you a list of how to deal with that.

Because I think a lot of people get defeated. They'll do one thing and then it doesn't work the way they expected. And then it's like, why try again?

Absolutely. And that's a very human feeling. But when you want to create a legacy, it's what you do after failure that matters. Everyone's going to fail. You're definitely going to fail if you're trying a new thing, you know, and if you don't try a new thing, you're not going to evolve. So if someone has put all their eggs in one basket and is like, you know, this is everything I know and it's going to work, you're setting yourself up for failure and for God to laugh. You've got to take a risk and you've got to know that there's always going to be a risk that it doesn't work out and it's going to suck. And, you know, you lock yourself up in a room and eat pizza for five days and get over it, you know, and pull your big girl pants up and go back to work and create something else. I think it's very entitled to expect that the first time or every single time is always going to work out. It'll never always work out. The person you are, your worth comes from how you react after you fail or how you react after you're hurt. that's being a person of integrity.

Man, you're just speaking some truth today, Priyanka. I love this.

Excuse me, getting it out of me.

What do you think about in terms of creating and cultivating happiness for yourself? I think a lot of people find happiness in a lot of the wrong things, whether how many likes they get or what someone says to them or what their partner does for them to bring them joy or whatever. what are expectation? How do you cultivate happiness for yourself to the point where it's not reliant on other outside factors, but it's within?

I think it goes back to what we were speaking about a little bit earlier that you're born alone and you're going to die alone. This is your journey and yours only. So now, if for this journey we're expecting, you know, someone else to contribute to your trajectory, it's skewed. That's never, that's not the truth. That's like some utopian illusion that people live in. No one can contribute to your happiness. It's only you that can contribute to receiving what you're receiving. So if we receive that from somebody else that when they give me a gift, it validates me or when somebody writes, great comments, it makes me feel better about myself. You're receiving validation instead of having it within yourself and creating your own validation, which comes from, like I told you, my self-worth comes from seeing the successes out of things that I have worked towards creating that I, you know, I have my hands and feet into my movie, my job, my book, my business. the things that I have done. And if I was, you know, a carpenter, it would be my bed post, or if I was a tailor, it would be my address. But I think taking pride in who we are and what we bring to the table is, I think, the greatest joy of them all. And it cannot be compared to what somebody else does, whether that's the best partner in the world, you know, the most number of followers or you know, sycophants that will always say you're amazing. That's not the truth. When you sleep at night, do you have a fit for sleep or are you content? Do you wake up anxious? Are you stressed because you need someone else to do something for you? I think that that's the journey we all have to make is to come to a place of what can I do for myself today? That's going to make me smile.

Amen to this. I'm loving this. What about when people say nasty things about you? They're, you know, all the negative comments, the way you look, the way you act, the projects that flop, and it's just hate online or in newspapers. How do you respond to that? And how do you not let it affect you personally?

I have, and only on social media, please don't get me wrong, not anywhere else, really. Some people love to hate me. and it almost seems like it's their favorite thing to do is, you know, just hate on me and spew venom. And it just shows how small they are and how much free time they have, honestly. And that their self-worth comes from berating me when I don't even know you and you don't even exist in my world. So, yes, I get pissed off sometimes, especially when it's, like, personal things. you know, attacks on my family, my integrity, my country, my ethnicity, my, you know, gender. When it's like personal things, my job, you can have an opinion. If my movie is s***, you can say it. If my movie is great, you can say it. That's totally fine.

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There's a famous speech by Matthew McConaughey when he won the Oscars, where he said he's chasing his 10-year future self who's his role model, something like that.

And he can never catch up with him.

And he can never catch him. He's always 10 years ahead. Ah, I got there and he's always the next step. I got to talk to him a couple months ago about his book. and I asked him a question. I said, okay, if you're your 10-year self now, looking back at who you are at this age, what would your 10-year self be proud of that you're doing? And what would your 10-year self give advice to for you right now? And I'm curious, the same question for you. If you're 10 years out from now, if you can imagine all the things you've created and accomplished and the way of being you've shown into the world, the impact you make, 10 years before.

Or 10 years after?

10 years later. Your 10 year future self.

Okay.

You know, think of all the accomplishments, all the movies, all the impact you make on the world, everything you've created with your marriage and your relationship, whether you have family, whatever it may be. What would that 10 year ahead Priyanka say to you now that she is proud of? And what would she say for advice on how to navigate the next 10 years.

I feel like I'm at Miss World again. I think the one thing I hope my tenure ahead self would be proud of is the path that I was stepping on, you know, the of wanting to create stories of my own, not just for me, but, you know, people like me. When I started working in Hollywood, there weren't really the kind of parts that I wanted to do that were written for me or coming to me. And again, I'm not someone who's entitled to expect parts to come to me, but they were just not being written. I wasn't seeing them when I was watching content either. And it was a little bit of a struggle to, you know, say that I want to play a mainstream part. I don't always want to be a stereotype that an Indian girl should be in a Hollywood show or a movie. And that was a struggle. And it really inspired me to sort of start creating content. And I was seeing so many other people do it around me, Mindy Kaling, Reese Witherspoon, so many women. And I hope that my older self would say that that was, that's the step in the right direction for you, because it takes a lot of confidence and it takes a lot of sort of credibility in yourself to have garnered credibility and it took me 20 years to do it to be able to garner enough credibility in yourself in my work to now be able to create content not just for me but for other people who I think deserve a platform and representation. South Asians are one-fifth of the world's population and when you look at global entertainment, you don't see one-fifth of the world's movies being South Asian, right?

Right?

So I feel like I want to be in a step in that direction and tell cross-pollination of stories. I'm an amalgamation of two of the greatest movie industries in the world, right? And there's something really powerful about that. Today we're consuming all our content on like streamers, you know? And the pandemic has shown us that we're not going to theaters, but we're watching everything on our TVs and there is an audience for everything. And I want to be able to, you know, create diverse content, female content. So I hope that, and if I'm just about stepping in that direction, so I hope my 10 year older self would be like, good girl.

Way to go.

Glad you did that. And the advice, I think, would be to take more time out, you know, I'm always like, I know, I know. I'm always like going from one job to the next. I'm always like, I've planned. I know my next two jobs. You know, I have to have my next two jobs ready while I'm doing one. So there's just never any time. And ever since I'm married, you know, people are constantly like, you know, we will have babies. And I'm like, nobody's asking guys about, nobody's asking any of the guys that question. But it's going to require me taking some time out to be able to do that.

Yeah.

So my older self is definitely telling me, you know, smell the roses. Just take a second and enjoy your new house and, you know, your dogs and your family.

With all the opportunities and ambitions that you have, do you feel like that'll be your greatest challenge for the next 10 years, which is to say, okay, I'm just going to take two weeks off here, a month here, you know, six months off. I mean, do you think that'll be your greatest challenge?

I think to say no would be my greatest challenge. I'm just really greedy.

How do you say, how do you learn to say no with every opportunity coming your way except for white tiger that you had to, you know, beg and scratch?

No, I mean, even when opportunities don't come my way, I'm a beggar. I'll go after it. If I, if I like something, I'm a dog with a bone. Like, you know, I've created my own opportunities and there have been opportunities that have come to me. America wasn't easy. It was not easy to navigate. This is 10 years of me pounding the pavement, doing music here. This is 10 years later that I'm at this place where you are saying to me that I have opportunity coming my way. But it took me that long of being in America to get here. And so it wasn't easy, but I think that I'm just glad I finally made it here.

What do you think about in terms of the law of attraction and an abundance mindset? Are you a believer that, you know, what we think about, we can truly start to manifest when we start to take those actions? Is that something you practice in terms of thinking of abundance?

I've never practiced it. I've read it. I've read the Secret. I've read all the books.

But.

I'm just trying to catch up with my day. you know, from when I was a kid, I I don't have the bandwidth to think so far. So I I have this mathematical formula that I think that I. My life goes by.

Right?

Like, so, for example, in school, when you have. We used to have this thing called annual exams, which at the end of the year, you have this one exam, which is final examinations, and that, like, sort of determines if you're going to the class or not. But there are smaller little like midterms and small little tests that also contribute to your grade, right? So if I make sure that I get an A in all the little, little, little, little tests, by the end of it, my report card is always going to be excellent. So why spend so much time thinking about excellence that I may or may not achieve with you know, fate and destiny, who knows where life is going to go. I believe life is short. And I believe if you aim for excellence every day in every job that you have, your life is bound to be full of excellence.

Dropping gems all day. I'm loving this. I've got a few- By me saying.

No to the law of attraction, oh my gosh, what is that going to attract?

Now, I think you're, I mean, I think the law of attraction is really living in a gratitude mindset, in a grateful, and a grateful place, thinking about the vision of yourself that you want to become and acting on it, which sounds like you're doing that by saying, How can I be great today? How can I continue to evolve and integrate? So, what is the question you wish more people would ask you that they don't ask?

God, I don't want people to ask me more questions than they already do.

What is the thing that you wish they would talked about or were more curious about in terms of—?

I do. I wish people would be a lot more curious about my ambitions and dreams rather than, you know, my personal life or my, you know, future children or trivial stuff like that. But I'm also part of pop culture and I recognize that the consumption of pop culture is pop. and so it's okay. Like I said, I made the deal with the devil a long time ago, but I would, I wish, and I get very excited when I have conversations like this, honestly, Louis, because I get to talk about, you know, my feelings and my beliefs and how I have my journey of how I've become the person that I am today, the woman that I am today. And it's, it's not been easy. And, but I built walls as soon as I became a public to a person about, you know, it's no one's business to know if it was easy or not. I'm not someone who rests on my laurels, and I'm definitely not someone, you know, who washes my dirty linen in public or, or, like, you know, shows off my weaknesses. I just, I've had to learn to be strong in the face of adversity at every given moment. One, because I'm a woman. Second, I'm a woman of color. I'm always trying to achieve more than my circumstances. I've always been that wherever I was, whether I was in school or my profession, I always want to be more than what the hand that has been dealt to me. And I think those traits require you to be sort of an anomaly, you know?

Yeah, the white tiger, right? You know, it comes around once in a generation. You're a very global citizen. You travel around the world. You've lived in multiple countries, you've experienced a lot of different people in your life, and you've seen a lot, especially being in this industry, in the entertainment industry. What do you believe from everything you've seen in the last four to five years that's happening in the world on all the different types of topics? We don't need to talk specifically about politics or anything, but what do you believe that I just feel like it's been very confusing and hard for everyone in different ways, for men and women and all people. What do you think we should expect more from men moving into this year and beyond? It's kind of this new generation. What should we expect men to give more, to be more? And what do you think we should expect women to be more of to create more healing in the world together, to create more connection together? What do you think we can both do?

One thing I feel like parents in general can teach their sons to be vulnerable and can teach their sons to respect women. I think that is a responsibility of the world in a big way is, you know, when we're talking about sexism or we're talking about gender equality or feminism, even for that matter, the largest thing that is required is for men to be in our corner. and for men to respect their sisters, wives, daughters, friends because you have been given the torch for eons. And it is important for you to share it. It's important for you to recognize that you need to create that opportunity for women. I mean, honestly, congratulations, by the way, on your first female VP. I come from a country that has seen several females in governance and that's an opportunity that needs to be created, you know, I also think that as what men can truly do is that is create opportunity for females and, you know, give credence to their intelligence, give credence to our abilities and, you know, recognize it for being a peer and being an equal in as as different as we are. you know, in our physiologies, in our ideologies, in our behavior and all the other complex things. But when it comes to Merit and when it comes to opportunities, we should be creating more for women. Men should be.

Yeah.

And for women, if we're talking about creating healing, to find it in our heart, because women have really large Hearts. We're forgivers, right? We forgive. But to find it in our hearts.

To forgive.

Patriarchy that came before us and to fight towards creating a world which is inclusive of both genders, which is respectful of both genders, which gives opportunity for both genders. Women have for eons been treated like second-class citizens and they're bound to be angry. But, you know, the only way to create healing is to forgive existing and previous misogyny and patriarchy and fighting for your rights so that we leave an easier sort of world and male-female dynamic for our children. They shouldn't have to inherit this problem. this inequality. They shouldn't.

I agree with what you're saying there. And I'm curious, what's been the hardest thing you've had to forgive?

Do I forgive though after I gave that advice? That's why I'm imploring women. It's hard for us to forgive. We pretend like we do. Look, forgive. I can forgive anything after I've given myself enough time to get over it. But usually it's really hard for me to forgive. I don't forget, definitely don't forget. But after there's been enough time that's passed, time is the greatest healer, then it doesn't matter and then I'm easy to forgive. But when the pan's hot, I don't know if I'm a forgiver very much.

What's been the thing that's been the hardest for you to let go of or forgive, whether it be when you were younger or now or anytime in between?

I think it's harder for me to like more recently, like forgive, say, remarks that dismiss the work that I've done or, you know, the life that I've built and that are sort of devaluing of everything that I've worked towards. 'Cause, you know, it's been brick by brick for me. and it's all been my own. So I think to push my buttons, those things I haven't been able to forgive yet, I remember.

Yeah, well, I'll make sure I never push those buttons on you. Who was the most influential person in your life growing up? And what was the greatest lesson that you still hold on to today from that person?

I would say I was very influenced by both my parents. I'm very close to both them. I think the deepest influence that I've had from both, and if I can take a second to tell you about that, for my father was.

You know.

A sense of adventure. He said, be like water, you know, water sort of adjusts into wherever it has to go. It can be a mighty waterfall, it could be a tear drop, it doesn't matter. be like that. And why he said that to me was because he was in the military, my parents were in the military, and, you know, I may have been four years old, but I remember the first time he came and said, you know, we have to move. And we moved every two years, and I hated it at the beginning. So I think to give me a sense of adventure, my dad, like, said to me that, you know, every time you go to a new place, you can have a blank slate. No one's going to know where you're coming from. so whoever you want to be, you can be. And that was very exciting to me. So that was influential on my dad's end. And I think from my mom, she always told me that you make sure you're always financially independent. It doesn't matter whose daughter you are. It doesn't matter whose wife you are. It doesn't matter where you go. You have to stand on your own feet. And, you know, that was really, really pivotal advice at a very young age that she instilled in me, which gave me a really large sense of self.

Yeah, I love the photo of you, the throwback photo of little Pri. I think you're four or five years old and like your dad's military or army outfit or something. And he's talking about having this sense to adventure and wonder in everything you go. This curiosity, I think you said in that photo, which I think is pretty cool. And that's interesting. When you moved to the USA.

Did.

You feel like you could shed off old identities or did you create a new identity when you came to the USA?

Because of when I was a kid, as a teenager.

Yeah, because your mom would kind of sharing that with you or what was that like? Or did you stay who you were when you moved?

Well, as a teenager, first of all, you know, when you, it's not like going to a new school. I was changing countries.

Cultures, everything, yeah.

Everything, like, I'd never traveled abroad before. I'd gone to Nepal, but that's a neighboring country, you know? So this was a whole new experience. And the America that I was familiar with was, you know, from Saved by the Bell or, you know, the shows that my mom watched. like, yeah, the beautiful Remington steel. And I was like, ah, everyone has coiffed hair and is wearing glamorous clothes and everyone's white. And then I landed in America and that's not true.

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America's diverse, America's bustling. I was shocked with the space America had. And my 13 year old mind, the 12 year old mind at that time, I didn't know who I was because I was so busy trying to figure out who I wanted to be in this new world. But by the time I left the US as a 16-year-old, I had a few tough situations with America. She and I may have gotten into a row and I left. I said, I don't want to be in this country. I went back to India at 16.

And.

Took back the The character that I created within myself, I was confident. I was aware of myself as a teenager, as a girl. I was suddenly aware of vanity and the clothes I wear. When I left, I was a 12-year-old tomboy. I had grown in not just my mind, but in my measurements as well. So for my dad, when I came back, it was a huge shock. because, you know, I went as a kid and I came back as a woman in a way. And so after that, I think that's why I feel like I'm an amalgamation of India and America, because my most formative years were spent in both. And by the time I came into my profession, which was at 17, I've been influenced by both countries in a big way. So I'm, I think, a mix of both the best way.

What was the biggest challenge you faced during those, you know, 12 to 16 years in America? What did you love about America and what did you not like?

High school was the biggest challenge. I mean, high school is hard, man.

Yeah, that's not easy.

It's hard for everyone, especially, like, a girl who's come from a different country. And I. It was like ninth grade. It was Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and. I didn't see anyone that looked like me. I didn't know how to get from one class to the other even because in schools in India, teachers come from two different classes. The students because there's like 60 students in a class. Can you imagine all these kids trying to get to different classes that would never fly. So teachers go to different schools. From something as basic as that, navigating a cafeteria in India, we carried our own lunch. Little things like that was high school was a whole new planet for me. And then the social culture of trying to make friends and kids who had known each other from middle school and had grown up together and you're trying to navigate that. Also at the same time, you're just about becoming a teenager, so I was aware of boys and that whole thing. It was just so much drama. And, you know, I was doing teenage things and just that itself was very hard. I didn't have time to think about the big stuff. I was just navigating high school.

Did you have big dreams when you were in India before then or in the USA about who you wanted to become or did that come later?

I kind of decided to be a.

Different person every year.

Right.

Whoever I was fascinated with, you know?

Right. I could never stick to one thing. By the end of it, I kind of narrowed it down to engineering. I was, you know, and I loved, I love science. I still love science. I love tech. I wanted to, you know, study physics and planes and aeronautics. And I was really good at math and physics. So I was like, you know, maybe that's where my vocation is, especially coming from an academic family. My parents are both physicians and I just always knew I was never going to be a doctor. I mean, I fainted at the sight of blood. So that was not going to happen. So this was my chosen profession, but I never had the chance to sort of take it up. But before that, like as a kid, every year I would be like, oh, I want to be a dancer or, oh, I want to be a pilot or It was never an actor. I never even thought I could ever. I didn't even think it was a choice.

I don't know why.

It was just never something anyone in my family thought could be a choice.

So it was never even a fantasy, a dream, a choice. You weren't.

It never was.

When did you realize that this was something you enjoyed? And who was the person that either encouraged you or said, you know, this is a possibility. You could go do this. and be really successful?

After I was thrown into it, when I was 17, my mother and my brother sent in my pictures for the Miss India pageant. Because when I came back to India after, you know, me and America broke up, it was hard in high school in India because unfortunately, American high schools and the standard education is not very comparative globally. And when I went back to India, kids were studying integration and, you know, all of these crazy, crazy math that I hadn't even, like, seen. I was supposed to see it in senior year. So I was really behind. I was feeling really stressed out. So. And my. My mom gave me my brother's room when I went back, and he was. He was 10 years old, and he was kicked out of his. so he made this master plan of trying to get me out of the house. And I had taken these, you know, those mall shots where you, like, sit.

With your hand on your head and focus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I'd gotten some of those pictures.

Taken, and my dad, you hit those poses well. I mean, you went right back into the 17 year old pre, you know, you.

Oh, yeah, I did.

I did this thing.

Boom.

I was like, and then I even.

Did one of.

Those.

Some dramatic.

And those pictures leaked on the internet a couple of years ago. I was so mortified. But my brother implored my mom and said, you know, Bibi is really pretty and Bibi means elder sister. She's pretty and she's tall and she has these photos, maybe she should just send these pictures in. And I don't know, my mom maybe to appease him, maybe just as a lark sent those pictures in. and really I got selected for that. I went just to give my exams, but I was like, great, I have a great reason to not give these exams now. And I won. And then when I won Miss India, I suddenly realized that I was thrown into the deep end a little bit. You know, I had people taking pictures and people asking me my opinion on politics and, you know, my opinion on intercultural relationships. and I was like, wait, what? I'm like 17 years old. I have no idea. So I had to learn so quick because, you know, it was sort of thrust upon me back then. Not saying that, you know, when it came to sink or swim, I was always gonna swim. I'm just that cat, you know? I can't help it. So I just had to, like, figure it out really quickly. And then I was sent for the Miss World pageant. And the same thing, I've never been a pageant girl. No one in my family had ever even modeled. Forget having those aspirations. And you know, suddenly I was trotting in heels and I was doing it well.

Do you think that you would have won Miss India and Miss World if you didn't have an experience in the USA and didn't have influences from the USA? Do you think it would have happened?

I think it would have for a couple of reasons. I was always a very confident girl, and that was inculcated to me through my parents' parenting. They raised me to have an opinion in a room. They raised me to raise my opinion, even if people disagreed with it.

So when your parents don't tell you.

That you're making wrong decisions, or berate you. I mean, whose parents will be okay with their 12 year old moving countries.

Just on a lark?

So, but my parents were like that. They never thought that my dreams were crazy. So I always had confidence. And I feel like my experience in a pageant and even in the entertainment business, in our business, confidence is your greatest weapon. It's, it's, if you have confidence in your backpack, I mean, you're going to have a large jet stream. Confidence really isn't something you're born with. You have to teach yourself confidence. I teach myself confidence every day.

Really?

But you know, eventually you kind of.

Make friends with it and you're like.

All right, you know, confidence, I need you today. Confidence, you can have a day off. You know, you kind of figure it out.

When is the moment in the last 20 years that you've been the most insecure or lacked confidence the most?

The most, I've had many of those in my career. I mean, whatever, when you have a trajectory that you're looking for in a career, and I always want my trajectory to be going up just like everybody else, right? We all want to win. But that doesn't just happen by thinking.

About it or wanting it.

You've got to take the steps to get somewhere. And I feel like when you're taking those steps, especially in our jobs, which is so transitory, right? Like three of my movies don't work.

Or, you know, I won't have a job.

And it's not like 9 to 5 where you know a check is coming in. The consistency of that doesn't exist in my profession.

And it's kind of like you've got.

To just go with the time. You've got to evolve. You've got to keep moving. You know, it's a constant hustle.

And so there's a large heart for.

Insecurity because it's an insecure business. How long are you going to survive in this business? What are you going to pivot to? How are you going to evolve? What is the evolution of yourself even as a human being the next couple of years? And I think that I just have learned how to be insecure when I'm feeling it, allowing myself to be insecure.

Really? So when you're feeling uncertain or insecure, you allow it to happen.

I indulge because I know, you know.

I like my life and I like.

My mind and I like the person that I am. And sometimes each person can be vulnerable and emotional and it's okay to allow yourself to feel that when we're hungry, we eat, right? When you're thirsty, you drink water. So sometimes you need to give your body and your mind what it's asking for. So if it's hurting, and this is.

Not something I always knew, by the.

Way, this is on the other side of 35 is when I learned this, but it's okay to just take a second and feel insecure. And, you know, the best way of dealing with that, at least for me, is talk to someone you love and just admit the fact that you're feeling insecure. And somehow, you know, it takes away its power when you voice it and when you discuss it. as soon as you think about everything you have versus the insecurity you were feeling, it's just, it's not powerful anymore.

How long will you allow yourself to experience it, to indulge, to drink it up the insecurity until you say, okay, Bianca, enough is enough. I gotta build my confidence back in me right now.

I mean, I've had phases of it being a couple of hours, ours through it being a couple of years. You know, it just depends on how quickly you can be with it. But I know that each and every time there has been a point where I got bored of feeling right.

Okay, I've done it.

How much do I wallow in self pity?

Come on now. Now I'm bored. I don't even know where else to.

Pivot in my self pity.

And then you just kind of, you.

Know, like Aliyah says, dust yourself. and try again. But that's the only way, I guess. But I definitely feel there's marriage in allowing yourself, but also checking yourself into seeing, okay, I'm being indulgent or do I need it? There's a difference between the two.

You can be indulgent for a really.

Long time, and I was for a couple of years, I told you.

When I got bored, I was like.

I forgot how to get out of it. so I was like, okay, we need to teach ourselves how to not be insecure and invest and choose myself. And how am I going to do that? I'm going to feel good about myself. I'm going to do things that I want to do. I've become very solitary. I've become sort of, you know, I didn't meet people. I just moved to America again for, for, for for a TV show that I was doing called One of Us. And you know, new country on a show which is like every day this was 11 months so five, six days a week, 15, 18 hour days was crazy. No time for anything and I kind of became very solitary and I started feeling really insecure about who I was and I was doing this new job. I was moving from a country where I had a very solid career of starting all over again. I've had 50 movies that I've done, but here I was saying, hi guys, my name is Priyanka and I'm an actor.

People are like, who are you? They're like, who are you?

Yeah, exactly.

And that was okay. I knew that if I wanted to explore outside of the boundaries that I had worked in, and if I wanted to try something new, I'd have to start from the beginning. and, you know, I spoke with myself, I talked to myself, I therapized myself, and I said, let's work backwards. Whenever you have a goal, say, for example, you want to buy a car, what do you have to do? You have to figure out, all right, this is the price of the car.

These are my savings.

This is how much liquid cash I have.

How can I spend it?

Can I buy it? What is my mortgage? You have to figure out everything. And if you just work backwards and say, all right, I have this much money and I need this much money, then you work towards making that. So in the same way in life, if you want to reach a goal, which is greatness, say for example, in your case, in the way I tackle that is just working backwards, you know, backwards about if I want to, you know, be at this place, I need to, what should be the step before that? What should be the step before that? It sort of breaks it down for you. to a very macro level.

You've got it. This movie I want people to watch. I watched it last night. Fascinating movie. You do an amazing job. They can go watch it on Netflix now, once this is out. The White Tiger. Make sure you guys check this out. It's really inspiring. Watch it with your friends virtually, you know, share it with your friends, all that good stuff. And you've got a book coming out, which I'm excited to check out more of. I haven't been able to dive into it fully, but I want to really dive in more now after hearing about your heart on this deeper level. Because I think I haven't been able to hear a lot of this stuff from you, the stuff you're sharing today. So I'm really inspired by your generosity, your heart, your critical thinking, your creativity, all this stuff. And I'm excited to go through the book. But why did you want to write a book now at this stage of your life and really talk about these things?

I was approaching 20 years of being in showbiz, you know, and I wanted to commemorate that. in some way. And I thought that, you know, maybe writing about it initially started with, I was going to call it Letters to My Younger Self, but it was too long a title. So I was just, I scrapped that. But that's the tone of the book. It's sort of me, I've been running so fast at such a fast pace, you know, for the last, I think, 30 years of my life, since I can remember. I've just never sat down to take a And the pandemic, like it forced all of us to take that breath. I was going to write the book anyway, and it was going to be like essays or thoughts. But when I was at home for these six months during quarantine, I really dived in deep. And I realized that I don't remember much in my life. So I was like, oh my gosh, what has happened to all my memories? And I started writing the milestones that I remembered, because that's how I remembered my life. I was like, oh, this school. All right, I moved this country. Like, I didn't remember little things. And then I started filling in the blanks. And when I started doing that, it just flowed out of me. It was almost cathartic. It was almost, like, regressive memories that I didn't think about advice that I would give myself, you know, things I'm appalled by that I did or things I, you know, may have never addressed because I just. had to keep moving. And I've done all of that in this book. I'm terrified of exposing an extremely vulnerable side of me, which I've always like sort of been a little, you know, have a wall up, but I don't know, the defenses just fell when I was writing this one. And I'm really scared.

What are you most afraid of? Is it people seeing certain aspects of you that they haven't seen or what's.

The- Seeing my vulnerabilities and my struggles. I've never really spoken about specific struggles, like, you know, in instances and situations and telling real stories, like, of things that have happened to me, which I've never, ever spoken about. I really call this the in between interviews book, because I give so many interviews my whole life, but I've never really talked about what happened in between them. I've kind of been very protective of my privacy and Now, like I said, with time, I reached a place where I'm self-assured on the other side of 35, comfortable with the career I have built and the career I want to build and the life that I have that it gave me a second to take a breath and introspect. This is a reflection of my introspections. I have dissected my failures. I have dissected my emotions. and those are terrifying things. Yeah.

And you're sharing it with the whole world to look at. Oh, well, I'm inspired by you for putting this out there. And I want everyone to make sure they go pick up a few copies and give them to their friends. It's going to be a massive, a massive hit. I'm very excited because the more we reveal and become vulnerable, the more, the deeper we become connected to other people, from my personal experience of, of not being vulnerable. to growing up told I wasn't allowed to be vulnerable as a young man growing up in Ohio, the Midwest. And you probably experienced a lot of that in Iowa seeing just boys have this kind of mask on.

And generally boys that are told that you're crying like a girl or don't cry because you're not tough enough. And that's what I was talking about. We have to let everyone needs to feel and allow themselves to feel including boys.

Yeah, it's it's interesting. I I got a couple final questions to wrap up with you, but just since we're on this topic, I when I was 30, I opened up about being sexually abused when I was a five year old boy and how it shaped my identity and put up walls and made me very angry and resentful just and triggered a lot in defensive. And I ended up doing a lot of work over the last eight years researching, healing, studying about this and meeting with the experts about how men can heal their trauma from the past that they have never talked about. And just like what you said in the beginning of this interview, talking about your insecurities even allows you to take the power away from you. It gives you your power back. And when I opened up about being sexually abused, it was the most terrifying thing ever, but it also set me free. and I took the power back. And it was a process of many years to kind of feel that confidence and really let go and heal. But it's amazing when we can heal as human beings, men and women, but I feel like men have a lot of work to let go of certain things that they're holding on to. And when we become vulnerable, then we can truly connect in my opinion. So I'm so appreciative of you for sharing all this wisdom on on these insights because I think it's, you're speaking my language, so I appreciate that.

Of course. And that's so inspiring and brave that you did that.

That's amazing. I appreciate it. And I'm sorry you had to go through that. You know, we all have to go through, we all go through different life challenges. This was, this was my path, my journey, and I, I look at it as a massive blessing, and I'm very grateful for it today because it allowed me to dive deeper in helping men heal and just having compassion and empathy for when I see it, men who are angry or defensive or reactive, because that's the way I was my whole life. And I didn't know how to change. I just thought this is who I am. Don't try to change me. But, you know, I'm still not perfect. I got a long way to go, but it's a constant process and journey.

I mean, no one is really. I mean, if we're striving for perfection, it's like playing golf.

Golf.

You're never going to be good at it.

I saw you swing it on your Instagram. You had a good little shot the other day. A couple months ago or something.

You're pretty good. Apparently, I have an aptitude for it, so I'm excited to be able to take it up. But it's, it's like, you know, it's futile to achieve, you know, to try and be a perfect golfer. No one can. Yeah, I realized that really quickly.

You look good, though. You had good form.

Thank you.

This question I asked everyone at the end of my interviews, it's called the Three Truths. So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario that it's your last day on Earth. It's many, many years away. It's your last day and you've accomplished every goal, every dream, family, everything you want. It's happened. You've impacted the world, you've got the foundations, all this stuff you can think of, it's done it. But for whatever reason, all of your content has to go with you. to the next place, wherever that is. It's got to go with you. So your books, your movies, this interview, anything you've ever done has to go with you. So no one has access to your content anymore, except you got a piece of paper and a pen, and you get to write down three lessons that you would share with the world. This is all we would have to remember you by. What would you say of those three lessons or what I like to call your three truths?

Wow, okay. I think the first one would be, like I said, to invest in yourself, to choose yourself. That's my truth. Whatever I left this Earth being was because of my relationship with me and the fact that at every given step I chose what was best for me. And by that, I don't mean like by being selfish, but by choosing for my validation and my self, my self worth to come from my actions and my achievements. That would be one truth. The second one is the only way to love is completely. whether that is, you know, the love you have for your husband, your child, your parents, your friends, the world, Earth, the environment. But there is no being careful in love. And there's. Don't be careful in love. Just get it and, you know, flow like a stream or waterfall. It's so joyous. My third truth would be family. you know, the family you're born into, the family you choose, and the family that chooses you. You know, there are so many people in your life that come into your journey and leave, you know, for a long duration, for a short duration. But the memories of respecting and honoring family is very important. Those would be my three truths.

Love those. I've got one final question for you before I ask that.

You should really write questions for pageants, by the way. I think you could have an alternate.

I'll be the host. Yeah. Before I ask that question, I want to again remind people that the White Tiger is out on Netflix and it is amazing. A great movie. Love it. It's a captivating and inspiring story of overcoming a lot of different challenges. So make sure to watch that. You also have your book out, which is going to be a massive hit called Unfinished. And I want people to go and get this right now. Buy it. Did you get it on, did you read it also? Is it on audio? It's in an audiobook too. So if you want to listen.

Even more terrifying by the way.

Oh my God. It's so hard I've done that twice with my books. It's so... It's like four and a half days of repeating myself over and over.

I'm stuck on my tenth day right now.

Oh, no.

Because it's the first time I'm doing it and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm actually having... This is an opinion I have on a really crucial part of my life and I have to say it right.

It's so terrifying. It's so challenging.

Yeah.

But anyways, Priyanka is reading it so you can go download that and listen to it. So make sure you get it on Audible or wherever it is on audio, get the hardcover as well and support that over on Amazon or anywhere that it's being sold. You're all over social media, Pranaka Chopra, Everywhere, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. And how else can we support you? How else can we serve your mission, what you're up to, follow you?

I think just Just the work that I'm doing, I have some really interesting work that's coming out now. You know, with the White Tiger, I've just finished two movies during the pandemic actually, which we'll be releasing soon. And just, you know, follow my work, be curious about the artist that I am. I would love if that's the kind of support that I get. for the work that I'm going to create, hopefully.

Yeah, I love it. Well, I'll be following, I'll be supporting for a long time. Hopefully when you're back in LA, we can connect some time. And I know that all the people that I know who know you well are very supportive and proud and have been standing by you for a long time. So I know that you're just a quality human being based on what people say about you. I know your father would be extremely proud to see everything that you've created and the woman you're becoming. I know he'd be amazed to watch everything that you're up to. And I want to acknowledge you, Priyanka, for the gift you bring to the world. You constantly show up, you constantly inspire women, you constantly inspire all human beings about what's possible. For going through the different challenges you've gone through and constantly choosing yourself and paving the way, you're an inspiration to so many. So I acknowledge you for constantly showing up and doing your best. Again, not perfect, but you're doing your best and it's inspiring to watch. This is my final question. Of course, of course. This was leading up to the final question, which is, what is your definition of greatness?

It's so funny. I don't really have a definition, but I think Bruce Springsteen said this. I don't even want to be rich. I don't want to be famous. I don't even want to be happy. I just want to be great. And I think that when I read that, it sort of explained to me what I felt because it's intangible, you know, greatness. Greatness can be in the smallest things of, you know, when you wake up in the morning and you're aware, awareness of being kind to people. being empathetic, saying good morning, even telling your parents you love them when you haven't done it. That's greatness. That's a great kid. That's a, you know, being a great spouse, being a great daughter, being a great, you know, there's greatness in everyday moments. And then there's also greatness in achieving your dreams. So I think being able to go to bed at night knowing that you have spent a good day on this Earth. is the most important form of greatness. And that you can achieve by setting your own goals. My goals are, okay, my movie's released, I've written my book, I've done a press tour and a book tour, and I sleep at night knowing that I've achieved my entire day. It could be that, or I could be in sweats watching Netflix all day and be smiling with my family and playing Scrabble. that would also be greatness to me. But going, you know, living your life, I truly believe that there's got to be a reason, right, that we are born on Earth. And the most simple and logical thing to me is your probably our purpose of life is to live it well and to live it happily. So if you go to sleep at night being happy with what to achieve in the day. I think that's the greatest of them all.

Bianca, I appreciate you. Hopefully sometime the next few years when you're back in LA and people are able to see each other in person, I can give you a hug and say hello and thank you for your time today. I appreciate everything and I'm excited for all the great things to lie ahead for you. So thank you so much.

I'm so excited to have been here. This was such a great conversation. Thank you, Louis, for being so insightful.

I have the dream of being a.

Pageant question writer now because it's just an alternate profession. I promise you.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I loved having this conversation with Priyanka. I hope we can get her back on in the future and dive in deeper. If you wanted to come on for more wisdom, then make sure to share this over on your Instagram stories. Tag me, tag Priyanka Chopra as well, and let her know what you to enjoy the most about this over there or on any other place on social media. So make sure to copy and paste the link wherever you're listening to this right now and text a few friends or post it on social media and ask them what they got out of this episode after they listened to it as well. Or you can just go right to the link lewishouse.com/1067 and share that with a friend right now. And of course, if this is your first time here, please subscribe to the School of Greatness over on Apple Podcasts. Leave us a rating and review because every time someone subscribes or leaves a rating and review, it helps us spread the message to more people on these platforms. So if you care about people improving their life, then make sure to subscribe right now and leave a rating and review because that'll help us spread that message. And if you want inspirational messages from me every single week, you can text me the word podcast right now to 614-350-3966. to get up to date on inspiration and messages from me right to your phone. So text the word podcast to 614-350-3960. And I want to leave you with this quote from Mother Teresa who said, Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. And I want to remind you today, no matter what you're going through, what you're feeling, how much pain you're dealing with or uncertainty you have in your life right now, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. I'm so grateful for you for showing up today, for learning, and for constantly trying to work on improving your life to make an impact on the lives of people around you. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.

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