783 A Lesson on Self Worth with Humble The Poet

This is five minute Friday.

Today we have a special five Minute Friday with Humble the Poet, Canadian born rapper, spoken word artist, poet and international best selling author and we're talking about how to maintain a sense of self worth through any breakup and how to decide your emotions. He's got a new book out called Unlearn 101 Simple Truths for a Better Life. Let's dive in.

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A few weeks ago I got to hang out with Lewis and we went out for carbs and had some real talk. We talked a lot about our heartbreaks, relationships of the past that didn't go well and I realized there's not a lot of opportunities and spaces for guys to kind of talk about that. You know, we all for some reason have it in our head that we'll be judged or considered soft for doing so. So I really appreciate Lewis for creating that space for me and it really inspired these thoughts. We experience a lot of intense pain when we're jerked out of a Situation that we valued so dear. You know, being thrown into a world that feels unknown. We start to feel worthless, alone, scared. Everything we knew, everything we wanted, everything we understood, gone so quickly. I've had my heart broken once or twice. More than I can count, actually. Initially, I thought you survive it once and it won't be so bad the next time. But what I fail to realize is the heart doesn't break the same way twice. Whatever we go through the first time probably won't get us a second. Instead, it'll be something new and probably more intense. And it'll knock us over again. My heart's been broken by friends, business partners, girls, way more than I care to admit. And I'm fortunate to have never experienced any heartbreak at the hands of my family. Some of you have. Betrayal sucks and I'm sorry if you listening to this and I'm reopening any wounds. As I said, it's all essential. A broken heart is an injury on the inside, and there's very little that we can do on the outside to make it feel better. There's only so much we can do, and we're mostly at the mercy of time. Time heals all, time reveals all, and it does not work at our schedule. During this time, life feels so intense and is really difficult to bear, and we start to feel hopeless. I just want to share some things that I realized during the difficult times that I've gone through. None of it's easy, and it's going to keep in mind that while time takes its course, most of these ideas only gain relevance when we go through a heartbreak. And it's the realizations that make me grateful that I went through those experiences. Our heart is an organ and it's not broken. But the stress we're going through, combined with the lack of sleep and poor diet and other choices can seriously harm our health. We have to make healthy decisions. Drinking may appear to numb the pain, but but it's really a depressant and it's a dangerous addiction and the dependence can develop. My mother lost two brothers to alcohol, one after a divorce. Alcohol and heartbreaks definitely do not mix. Also, if you were dumped or cheated on, or even worse, realize that the relationships that come to an end because of a mismatch in compatibility and priorities, not because you're not good enough. Don't mistake incompatibility for your personal worth. If someone dumps you, it's because there wasn't a fit or you weren't taking them to where they think they need to be. Even if they tell you you're worthless, you're not. Even if you feel worthless, you're not. Your personal worth is determined by you. Never allow it to be dictated by anybody else. If you can't love yourself, you have no business seeking love from others. To be betrayed means someone didn't live up to their end of the bargain. That bargain may be assumed or explicit. Either way, promises are broken every day. Ignoring this fact is the reason that broken promises sting so much. Expectations are the key ingredient to disappointment. The less you expect from others, the less they can let you down. As much as your mind may say differently, all we have is now. Yesterday doesn't exist. The future can only be assumed. Now is all we have and is what we need to focus on. We feel scared and confused when our plans are derailed. The truth is that uncertainty is the most realistic depiction of our future. So get used to it. Change is not the enemy. It's the only consistency in our life. So let's focus and practice adapting. Happiness is not what happens to us. It's how we deal with things that happen to us. Again, this is easier said than done. But you're better off even trying to gain some control on your life by deciding your emotions. We all have plenty to celebrate in our life, and we can focus on what we have or what we lost. But that focus is a choice. And the emotions that come with that focus are a consequence of the choices we make. You see, unhappiness is when that picture in our head doesn't match the picture that's in front of us. When we were a kid and we wanted a toy and our mom said no and dragged us out of the store, we were heartbroken, maybe even so mad. We didn't speak to her for a while, but we got over it. As we grow, our experiences are just amplified versions of that story. We're not going to get what we want all the time. Realize that some things are in our control and most things are not. We need to meditate on what we can and what we cannot. Remedy the things we can't. Let's work to move on from them. Comparing ourselves to others is just a thief of our joy. Who gives a fuck how many of our friends are in relationships? Finally, please realize everything that we're going through in life is temporary, including our life as a whole. In the grand scheme of things, we're going to look back at these events and realize how little they matter. Harming ourselves or worse can lead to permanent problems. To feel helpless is to feel like we're drowning and the pain is deep, sickening, and it feels like there's no end in sight. I know that. But please remember, with any problem we've had in our entire lives, time has helped us adapt to the change and allowed us to move forward. If the stress and pain is too much to deal with, please seek professional help. Your loved ones may have the best intentions, but they may not have the tools and skill set to help you get to where you need to go. Emotions are related to chemicals in our brain and we're all unique in our composition, so it's okay to seek additional support to get over what we're going through. I love you for the simple fact that you're taking the time to hear my thoughts. I so please remember that you're not alone. You don't have to go through it alone. There are people who want and who can help you and who know how to help you. You see, the butterfly has to struggle in a cocoon to break out. If we were to help it by cutting the cocoon open, it wouldn't develop the necessary muscles and its wings to fly. Its beauty comes from its struggles and so do yours. Heartbreak, like any other struggle, is essential for your growth.

Hope you enjoyed this 5 minute Friday make sure to tag Humble the Poet on Instagram and myself, Lewishouse. Check out the new book Unlearn 101 Simple Truths for a Better Life. You were born for something great.

Sam. Foreign.

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