820 Thriving in Marriage and Business with Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick

This is episode number 820 with Lauren and Michael Bostick. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Henry Ford said, coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. We've got Lauren and Michael who are in today. And this one gets pretty interesting because I love how they talk about everything. They really open up about all topics. Nothing's off limits. And we get into it pretty quickly. So I'm excited about this. Lauren and Michael host a cheeky entrepreneurial podcast themselves, him and her, whose guests are top celebrities, entrepreneurs and beyond. Lauren is the creator of the Skinny Confidential, which is a book, a blog, podcast, YouTube channel, and really a movement where she helps women live their best lives by sharing everything from wellness to beauty and business and real life tips. The Skinny Confidential has been featured everywhere, Shape, Women's Health Magazine, Gary Vee Show, People Magazine and beyond. And Michael, really cool guy, up and coming serial entrepreneur and brand builder who's who's done some amazing things in his career. He is currently the CEO of a female-focused network, Dear Media, and the CEO of Bostick Media, a holding company that has ownership in multiple direct-to-consumer brands and businesses. And they have an interesting dynamic. I asked them some intimate questions about their personal lives, about how they mesh business and marriage together, relationships, what it's like being in LA with distractions and other opportunities. and we talk about the importance of questioning your judgments and what it can tell you about yourself. Also, how to make a relationship work through the high demands of running successful businesses. They both have businesses separate and together. They invest separate and together, and how do they balance it all. Vulnerability as a tool for influencers when it works and when it doesn't work. What it means to be a CEO and to truly scale a business How to empower your partner while also staying focused on your personal goals. Make sure to share this with your friends, anyone that's in a relationship that's trying to build a business or that's trying to build one together or start one or thinking of one, this is a powerful episode to share with those friends. LewisHowes.com/820 Make sure to share it out with your friends. Shoot them a text, be a hero by sending someone some positive inspiration and information today. by sending them a quick text or posting on social media. The School of Greatness is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance. As Amica says, Empathy is our best policy. That's why they'll go above and beyond to tailor your insurance coverage to best fit your needs. Whether you're on the road, at home, or traveling along life's journey, their friendly and knowledgeable representatives will work with you to ensure you have the right coverage in place. Amica will provide you with peace of mind. Go to amica.com and get a quote today.

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Thank you, brother. How you doing?

It's been a while. Good to see you. Thanks for coming. Excited about this.

So excited.

This is all about sex and love and marriage and masturbation and everything, right? Perfect.

Isn't that everything you guys are doing?

Right in our wheelhouse.

Perfect, right?

Lubrication, all of it.

No, lubrication.

Everything. Orgies. Do you guys do orgies too?

We don't.

We have not done that yet. Yeah, he said yet.

Listen, we always leave, you get this. There's room for improvement. You never know.

Now, how long you guys been married?

We have been married, Lucy, you're gonna get me in trouble. We've been married three years, but we have known each other since we were 12.

12 years old.

San Diego?

San Diego. But we haven't been together that long. It wasn't one of those situations where it was like high school sweetheart. We were together from, if you wanna call it, 12 to 15, broke up, got back together at 23, and-- 22, 22, excuse me. Went into business together when we were probably 28. And the rest is history.

You were dating at 22.

Yes.

You dated in high school for a little bit.

No, hooked up. We did the whole-- Played around.

Three years. We did the whole kid thing, you know, go to the movies, make out, run around. And then in high school we both had different relationships, different boyfriends, different girlfriends. We were at the same school. Same school. Yeah, always the same school. And then both went to college, had our own unique experiences, some more than others. And then when we got back, we just reconnected. And I was telling everybody, Lauren's just.

Been chasing me for a really long time.

Oh, snap. Whatever.

Who's older?

Same age. Same grade.

Yeah, well same grade.

A few months. Few months.

No, I'm just kidding. I was pursuing her for a long time. You were pursuing her for a long time.

I was. It was always-- In college, she was in another relationship or no? She, yes, we both were. But you know, I would say I had very surface relationships for a long time and for a long time I was like, what's, maybe there's an issue with me? I think I knew very early on, and I know this sounds corny now, but I think it's true because we're married, that I knew what I wanted in Lauren early on. And so a lot of those relationships that followed unfortunately kind of suffered the front of that because I was never fully And I'm just kind of doing my thing and holding out for not like desperately, just sitting around doing like, I knew that this is what I would want in a woman for a marriage or a life partner. And so some of those other relationships kind of, let's say, let's use the term more for fun. Sure, sure. Recreational.

Recreational. What were the things you wanted in.

A long-term relationship committed? Something that's always attracted me to Lauren is she's extremely, like if I wasn't in the picture, she's completely self-dependent and she's self-sufficient, she's driven, she's motivated, she Pushes me she holds me accountable. I think that I was in a lot of situations where I was kind of running the show and kind of trucking over my partner and I need. Was exciting.

No, it wasn't fulfilling probably in that sense.

I'm very attracted to strong women.

Wow.

His mom's a very strong woman too.

Mm.

Very strong.

That's cool. And what attracted Michael to you?

I Michael had to chase me a little bit. He's definitely not a pushover. This guy's a boss. He, Michael is very much like the logical business side to my creative, sometimes emotional side. He really balances me out. But what I think is most interesting about Michael is a lot of people, when they see me, they see blonde, fake boobs and immediately get judged. There's a lot more, I mean, as people were just very, very complex. And I think Michael's always been able to see my full potential. When I came to him 10 years ago and said, I want to launch a blog, instead of laughing at me. And this is 10 years ago, so you know, this is a long time. A lot of people laughed and said, how are you going to monetize? This doesn't make sense. He immediately believed in me. And even more than believing me, he pushed me to execute and really saw the full potential of what the Skinny Confidential could be. And he's always seen that. And I think that that's really interesting. That's cool.

Instead of just looking at the surface. Well, I think, like we were talking earlier, and I think the most interesting people is when you think you're getting something and it turns out to be completely different. And it turns out to be deeper. But not only for Lauren, I would push anybody that wants to break past the status quo and do things differently on their terms. I think that that is the most exciting thing about life is that you can do things differently, you can break status quo and you can break barriers and do things on your own terms. So when she told me that, it's not that I fully, I didn't understand where the blog space or influencers place or podcast space was going, I just.

Saw her potential to do something different. That's pretty cool. So you always inspired her or just at least said, go for it, like I believe in you, you should do this. I would... You didn't question or doubt her.

No, but I think I would give anybody that message that is looking to push against the norms, right? Like everything I've ever done in my own life has been something that somebody somewhere said I couldn't do. And I think that's what makes it interesting. I don't, you know, I don't think us as human beings are meant for singular purpose. I think we're meant to push against barriers, and I think that's why we've.

Evolved past every other species on this planet. What I like about what you said is, you know, your show Skinny Confidential on the outside of surface might people might think you talk about, you know, big boobs and, I don't know, sex and lubrication or whatever it is the main things that people think about. But then you dive into personal development and growth and inspiration and philosophy and spirituality. You talk about the deeper things as well.

It represents my entire life. My whole life, people have looked at me and wanted to put me in this box. And, you know, so many people talk about feminism and they're marching and being a feminist is also looking at people and being like, okay, just because they don't fit into my box, that's okay. I just think it's about empowering women, whatever they look like or however they're judged. I think that sometimes with social media, you can immediately judge a book by its cover. Instantly. Instantly, and with my brand, it's pink, it's loud, it's flamboyant, it's in your face. But I hope that when someone comes and consumes it, it provides them with.

So many tangible takeaways. And I love when you're on your stories and you're just like, I'm listening to this podcast, I'm reading this book, check out this new book. and you show people a side of you, it's like, wow, you're not just someone who's talking about makeup or whatever by itself, you're really diving into something to make you better.

I am constantly learning. I don't take one second of my day to not be learning. When I walk to coffee every morning, it's a five minute walk, and I'm listening to a podcast. I'm listening to an audiobook when I'm in the car. I'm constantly learning and wanting to be better, and I think that's what my whole brand is about. It's like being the best version of yourself, but on your own terms, whatever that looks like.

Unapologetic. Yes.

Totally unapologetic.

When did you guys know that you were the right match for each other? What was it about Michael and what was about Lauren where you guys were like, this is my right match?

It's hard to put it into words, right? I always make the joke that, you know, I was 12, she was 13, a couple months separated, and she showed up in sixth grade and she was a fully developed woman. And that was like, whoa. But over personality, physically.

Huge moves.

Really? I was As a 13 year old, she was developed.

Yeah, I was developed at 13.

It was weird. And I said to my sixth grade girlfriend, Listen, we're finished, we're done. I have to go. Oh, man. But no, I think I've always been attracted, like I said, to Lauren's drive, to her ambition. I think she's a very deep thinker. A lot of it, and it's not what you expect on the surface, right? Like you said, I recognized that very early on. I was very attracted to it. And if it comes with all the other great things that she comes with, then that's an added benefit. But Lauren, somebody like, I always joke around, Frank Sinatra says that you shouldn't go on a date when you go on a date with a woman, it shouldn't be a staring contest. And what I always found with Lauren is there was really, really deep conversations. It was never surface. It was like diving into what do you want for your future? What does your family want? Like, how can we help other people? How can we, this book about history, what do you think was going through these people's minds? And it's just, Wow. She'll ask you those questions. Yeah, I think we both ask each other those questions and push. And I think, like you said, we're in on the joke. We like the idea that maybe we present something some way, but it's deeper, it's different. We've had many amazing conversations, yourself included, Robert Greene, a lot of these people that come on the podcast, it's not just sex and relationships, it's really like, what is going on in the human mind? How do we understand ourselves a little better? How do we understand how to be vulnerable in a space that's not always vulnerable?

All those things. And it's even like the name, the Skinny Confidential, people automatically think skinny as a negative word. The blog was built on getting the juice. Like, let's go deeper, let's get the juice, get the skinny. So it's like everything sort of has to do with like, it almost like tricks you into thinking like, wait, am I judging this cover before I'm reading it?

I kind of get off on it. It's important to have people really question their judgments. We're all guilty of it, you know? Right? I'm guilty of it. You meet somebody, you think they're going to be a certain way. And I think what we try to do on the show is say, wait a minute, you may not agree with this perspective or this way of life, but at least understand it a little bit more and be open to what that person's individual experience could be. Yeah, exactly. We just had the highest paid legal.

Sex worker on the podcast. I saw that.

I saw you guys talking about this.

Lulu at the Bunny Ranch.

How was that?

Amazing.

Interesting.

How much does this woman make a year? I don't want to quote, but she is going to retire in two years, she said. How old is she?

She can make up to 35 grand a night. What? Yeah, what is that?

Once every few months, so maybe. I don't think so.

She has clients booked out.

She's very popular.

How old is she?

She's probably our age, maybe.

About 27, I think.

28? Yeah, she's 28. No, 33.

33.

Yeah. I was like, man, our age, I'm like 36 of them.

Well, you kind of like get face blindness after a while and you lose between, like, I know when something 28 to 38, yeah.

It's like, that was such a cool interview, though, for the platform, because it's like, that's what it's about. It's about not putting people in a box and hearing their story and seeing where they're coming from, and instead of judging, having empathy and even above empathy, understanding and actually putting yourself in their shoes and being like, wait a minute, I find that so interesting. It's like challenging yourself to not be so judgmental.

The most interesting feedback we got from that one was people thought that she was going to be a certain way, right? You think legal sex worker, you're thinking what you've seen in the movies. But when she presents herself, she's extremely educated, well spoken, she's a deep thinker, deep reader, and you start to hear and you're like, whoa, I didn't realize that this person chose this life. It's on their terms. They said-- They enjoy it.

They enjoy it.

It's their-- They have boundaries.

They have certain things. You don't make 35 grand a night if you're not intelligent working on yourself, or at least you don't do it consistently. Maybe you get something once in a.

While, but not consistently. I mean, one of her favorite books is Robert Greene, the 48 Laws. That's great.

So, you know, that just tells you a lot about the whole situation. Now, I don't know anything about her. Is she super attractive in your mind, or is she more like, Wow, she just got a whole package of- I.

Think that she definitely is- She's very pretty and I think she appeals to, like, I think men love her. She's very pretty, she's very well spoken. Yeah, I think she definitely has a clientele, I'll tell you that, and they're reoccurring clientele.

What I found the most interesting about it is what you think most people, what most men and women would be going to her for is sex.

But they want to talk, me listen to.

They want connection. That's hilarious. They want these, they want a deep connection, they want to be heard. And so she provides a lot of that. She's like, listen, the act of sex.

It takes five minutes. Yeah, actually it's averaging two minutes. No way. Yeah.

They probably feel so open after 45 minutes of being able to finally say what they want to say that their wife or whoever is not listening to or they don't feel like they're being listened to. And then they feel so open and vulnerable. They're like, you know, it's so easy at that point.

It's wild. One of the things we dove into is like, who is the typical clientele? And it's like we have an image in our head of who we think that would be and it's completely different than what you would think. Who is it? It's that, like I said, It's that person that's craving connection. Maybe it's a widower that's lost his wife. Maybe it's somebody who's handicapped. Maybe it's a disabled person who can't necessarily struggle in finding sex. Maybe it's just somebody that doesn't feel they're being heard in their current relationship. It was really, it wasn't this like.

Kind of seedy guy that's out for a party on a bachelor party looking to get laid. It wasn't that. Wow. Fascinating. Super interesting. She also said that there was this man that came in and his wife had cervical cancer, so she actually couldn't have sex with him. And so the wife was one that actually facilitated the whole thing. Yeah, and so you start to look at these things from different eyes and different goggles and it just starts to become really amazing. It just takes the judgment out of it.

Wow. What do you feel like you guys could judge for the most?

I think that-- Let me pull out my scroll.

Let me pull out my scroll. I think with my community, especially the blog and the Instagram, I think that people understand me now. I don't get a lot of hate because I feel like they know I'm gonna be me, I'm gonna do me whatever that looks like, and you should do you whatever that looks like. So I don't get a ton of hate.

It's something that I honestly, I was thinking about it when she was speaking. It's something I don't put a lot of thought into, really. I'm sure that there's judgment happening. I feel like I don't pay attention to, listen, I hope that everybody likes what we're doing and identifies it, but I also know that not everybody is. And like, you're gonna see this bright pink couple that says, any confidential. You wear pink too? No, but the COVID art's gonna be pink and they're gonna think a certain thing. But to me, like I said, Lauren and I are in on the joke. I'm looking for people with depth, right? I'm looking for people that aren't gonna be judging what's based on the surface. I think if we, as a society, if we start to do that a little bit more, one, maybe you'll understand people's perspective. Two, we can get into a place where it's not just so much like.

You'Re wrong, I'm right. It's more of like a conversation, dialogue, understanding. So I just don't put a lot of thought into who is-- I just feel like I have a thermometer of energy every single day and I am going to allocate that energy towards to things that are positive and productive and to sit there and give in to the energy of someone not liking me is a waste of time. I'm not for everyone. I know that and I'm fine with that.

Yeah. How do you guys find a, either a balance or a structure for being married and working together at the same time? You guys have a podcast together and, you know, you're both running businesses separate and together. It sounds like there's some sharing of effort and support. So how do you keep love life and sex and intimacy strong when we're all three obsessive over our mission and our work? I'm assuming you guys are probably thinking about it all the time. So how do you shut down to really connect?

It's really hard. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like it's an easy thing and it's seamless. We've been together now. We were dating for six years. Yeah, 10, 11 years.

10 years total. Married three, four.

Yeah. It's really, really hard. There's one thing that I think is the foundation of it. We're both committed to the same vision. It's so important when you're in a relationship that you're committed to the same vision. Because if you're not on the same page with that, yes, and it can't just be goals. It needs to be working backwards and having strategic systems to get to the goals. You have to sort of be committed to that. So Michael has his business, Dear Media, which is the podcast network. I have the Skinny Confidential, which is like the creative, and then together we have the podcast.

So.

His and Hers podcast, right?

Him and her podcast. And I think we've turned it into something fun and playful with the podcast, but at the same time when it's time to sit down and do work, it's time to sit down and do work. And we have to put that aside. For a while, it was Michael coming into bed at 11:30 at night and me ready to wind down and get my cortisol down and read my book, and him wanting to talk about things like numbers and that is just not my personality. And it's when I'm in- you- call me for that. Yeah, you got to have like a boundary. So I said, you know, let's stop talking about business at this time. And obviously we've f*cked up multiple times. Sure, sure. But the boundary is there and it's something we're working on. I always say it's like a dance.

I'll give you the flip side of that. I think Lauren answered that question really well, but I'll give you the flip side. I have a lot of young friends that are starting to get in relationships and they want to talk business. And their significant other is saying, I'm.

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The side of that is you don't want to, just because there's a time and a place to understand when it's time to turn on and off, but you also don't want to be deprived where you can't have these conversations with your significant other, the person that you're with all the time. I think it would be extremely limiting and also impactful to our relationship if some of those times when we're at dinner and I want to talk business with my wife, if I couldn't, like if I felt limited and then I got to go outside for that, right? I think it's important to understand, okay, what's the long-term vision? Yes, it's time to turn on and off. Communication is lubrication, like we say. It's important to have these conversations, but then it's time to respect if she says, listen, today's really not the time. Fine, but then when is?

Don't just shut a portion of your life off or an interest of your life off. Like we're going away this summer and we have pre-recorded our podcast. We have like all the content planned.

And we're just gonna take a two.

And a half weeks break.

That's good. Where you going?

We're going to France. Wow. And I said to Michael today, I'm like, we're gonna have sex every single day. Like, we're. This is like, we're gonna concentrate on our relationship, have really nice Rosé lunches.

And have sex every single day.

You having sex every day right now? No. Every day now?

No, no, no. And that's the thing that we should.

Listen 10 years together, too.

A couple times a week. Every day is like, you know, you.

Gotta put that in my calendar. But that's what it's gonna be like in 10 years for me.

Listen, that's the other thing is like.

When you- Louis, you have time for sex every single day.

You're so busy.

I don't see her.

How long have you been in a relationship?

Five, six, almost six months. But listen, this is important for young couples or for couples that have been together for a long time. We have to, you have to work at sex. Like you have to put it, we always say on our show, there's so many people they put thought into their health, their wellness, their business. But when it comes to their sex life, they just think it's gonna solve itself. It's not. People are uncomfortable talking about sex. People think that if you hook up with your wife once a week, she's gonna be satisfied or vice versa. If you, excuse my language, if you hook up with your husband or blow him once a month, he's gonna be fine. You have to put in the same.

Amount of work into your sex life.

You know what? You're gonna die. Yes, or otherwise, listen, it's gonna die and people are gonna get bored. Go to the bunny ranch. You know what? We just did for my birthday, and if anyone's out there and they're like, they wanna spice it up with their husband or their significant other girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, whatever. we decided to do Sexy Stranger and it was recommended by Sex with Emily. And basically you dress up as a stranger. So I was, I think I was Ivanka and I was a Russian working girl. I did like the short black wig, got all the makeup done, tight black dress with the trench coat and no underwear, the whole thing. And I did that, we did that on my birthday and that's, you know, that's a really fun way to spice up your sex life. We met at He could have tried a little harder, let's be honest. He was like a cowboy.

She had like a whole team come in with a costume. She had a whole wardrobe.

It's just you, like, I look for.

Some gel in my hair. Yeah, I think I had some like leather pants on and like a cowboy hat or something. But also, you could have worked harder. We kind of fucked it up because we showed up, first of all, for anyone that wants to do Sexy Stranger, you gotta, you actually, you have to include the pickup part. We messed up because we escalated it to El Meco at dinner.

And so it took like the pickup.

And the start away.

We're gonna redo it and do like a bar kind of thing. Yeah, but just It's doing that kind of thing.

They got to pick her up.

Exactly. Adding toys to the bedroom, you know, adding lube to the bedroom, just having fun with it and like never letting it get boring. You got to, you got to keep it spicy.

You know what I mean? Now, this is off topic. Excuse me if I'm asking a personal question here. No, you can ask anything. Because you posted that you were having, breast implants, like last year, six months ago or something, right? Yeah. And you were posting about it publicly. The whole thing. And I was like, Hey, I hope you're healing okay. Like, did you get a breast reduction or something? And you were like, no, they're bigger or something. They're bigger, right? Yes.

But didn't you already have like large breasts? Okay, so yeah, I had pretty, I.

Had a B cup when I was, when I was like in sixth grade.

I thought you were like a double D. No, no, no. You developed. No, pretty developed though.

No, she was developed then she, well, she got the boob job before, but it's like, I got the boob job in, right out of high school. Okay, I'm the type of person if I want something, I figure out a way to make it happen. so when I was in high school, I made money. I made my money. I worked at the clothing store, the tanning bed, whatever I had to do, I made the money. The second I graduated, I got boobs. And then after 10 years, it was time to redo them. So I went and got new ones and I decided to bring my audience on the whole journey. I just feel like with social media, there's so many women getting so many things done, which is their own prerogative. But for me and my audience, I wanted to be transparent and show the entire journey. And again, I'm not telling anyone to get breast implants. I'm saying this is my journey. Like, if you can take any tips or tricks away from this for your own, great. And if you don't like it, leave it. So the boob job was...

This is interesting. I'm seeing a lot of women who are showcasing them getting their boobs out. Yes. Like, this is like explanting, you know what it's called? Yes, it's very popular. So now they're all like, well, my health is horrible for the last five.

Years and I didn't know why, and.

So I'm explanting and now...

I have not had one... Yeah, there's some people that have issues, some people that don't, right? Yes. I've heard a lot of people do have issues.

I think, again, it goes back to.

Just knowing yourself, knowing your own body, and everyone's different. Yeah.

And if you're feeling complications that you can't figure out what it is, then.

Maybe you would take a second look at it. I haven't had one complication.

That's right. Yeah, my doctor was great. And we were joking on here when.

You said, Is there anything off topic?

And we said, I think at this point we've literally, I don't know what else. I don't know what, and I also think that for people that are thinking about being public people, it's better you control the narrative than give the narrative to somebody else. Right? And like we're starting with the internet now, with podcasts, with YouTube, with social. Like this has been one of the only times in history where a public person or a non-public person can get on and completely control their narrative. you know, think about the celebrity space. We just had Jessica Alba on and I said, what's been the change since you've been able to have your own social, your own Twitter, and address what a paparazzi or an article would say immediately? These things did not exist. She said, It's great because it take all the power away. Like there's nobody that can control her narrative anymore. She can answer it the way she wants, the way she sees fit, how she wants, what she wants. And so I always think it's important for people that are thinking about getting into this space the public space, no matter how big or how small, to understand that if you're gonna put it out there, put it out there on your terms and don't let somebody control it for you.

Do you feel like, do you like that you have your personalities out there publicly, or do you wish you'd go back and not be so public with your everything?

I was born an oversharer. I just was, this is the way that I am.

This is the perfect platform for you then.

My dad was always rolling his eyes my entire life. I've just overshared. It's by nature. When someone asks me any kind of question, I share. So when my blog first launched, a lot of influencers were blogging about what they wear, what they eat. I was like, no, I want to talk about birth control. I want to talk about camel toes. I want to talk about boob jobs, Botox. I want to talk about suicide. I want to talk about death. I want to talk about all these things that aren't being talked about that are taboo. Nowadays, people are starting, I'm seeing, to start opening up about all these things.

Everyone's vulnerable now.

Right.

Right, it's like an over vulnerability.

You know, maybe it just took some time, but I just think as an influencer, like for me to be an overshare, it's just my natural personality.

You shouldn't curate your vulnerability though. If you want to be vulnerable, be vulnerable. You know, don't say like, here's a selfie of me and I'm being so vulnerable and swipe over with a filter. We crave that connection, we crave that human connection, right? When you see somebody being vulnerable, you identify, you see things in yourself. And I think creators, influencers are doing themselves a disservice by trying to create that vulnerability.

If you're gonna be vulnerable, be vulnerable. I think just speaking about your content, I really fell in love with you as a creator when you opened up about your whole struggle. It just, it took you to a different level, in my opinion, as an influencer or a podcaster, and just made.

Me really lean into your content. Yeah. What is it about the relationship that works really well and what doesn't work? Do you think if you guys weren't these, you know, in a business together, that it would actually be a better relationship?

No, I think us being in a business, I'm an onion, I need 100 layers, and I like 5 million dynamics. I'm a Gemini, and I want everything to be intense and chaotic and crazy, and I think having the business adds that other layer. So I 100% if there wasn't the business relationship, I think I would feel something missing.

Really?

Just if I'm being honest.

Michael had his own career path that he was driven about and it wasn't anything to do with you.

No, I could deal with that. If Michael was sitting on the couch eating popcorn every day and twiddling his thumbs, I couldn't deal with that. And that's just me knowing myself. I mean, we intersect in so many.

Places with the show and with some of our businesses, but what I find the most is we can go off, I can go off to a dermatologist, we have separate offices, you come back and there's something to talk about. Something changed, something's different. There's a new goal, a new height to reach.

What don't you think is working about me?

No, but I think-- no, no, no.

You have to answer the question.

I think that, no, I think that obviously we would probably not be the textbook thing that a therapist would point to and say, that's how you live a relationship. But I think what Lauren and I find so much interesting is that we can do things on our terms differently than other people would find normal and find success in our own relationship. Because it works for both of us. It works for us and we're not pushing, We're not pushing this on anybody else. I actually don't think every couple should work together. I think that could be a huge mistake. I think it requires certain discipline. We were joking before the show started. I said, when I put these headphones.

On, it's like PTSD.

You get anxiety. Because these are the headphones we use at home if we need to record our pickups or an intros or an ad spot. And you know, fight over is what you're saying about-- yeah, and it's-- doing things.

Really? It's eight o'clock at night, the night before an episode needs to release, and you're exhausted. You don't want to do it. Why are pickups the worst? Pickups are the worst. Intros and ad reads, because it's like, I just did three interviews today.

I don't want to do the ad.

Reads for next week.

I'm exhausted.

Imagine doing it with your significant other. Because you have to do it together.

I think we would both be bored with each other if it was. But there's some things that we don't get along about. He's very impatient and wants everything right away. And his thoughts are very fast, whereas I'm the type of person that if I'm thinking about something creative, I need to wrap my head around it. I need to listen. to a podcast, I need to listen to a book on Audible or read. It takes me a while and so we're very different like that. And I don't like when he ups my cortisol in the morning or night.

When hot, she runs cold, right? Like if I'm up, I'm going probably similar to you.

If she wants-- I also had like a very chaotic upbringing and he didn't. And so I think I thrive in chaos, which was serving me until about six months ago.

Yeah.

It stopped serving me.

It doesn't help you get to the next level with peace in your heart.

It stopped serving me. And so I think that although you think he's more chaotic because he's impatient, I'm actually more chaotic.

Well, I'm impatient with certain things for sure. My time management's not the best. When I'm ready to move, I'm ready to move.

When I'm ready to work on a project, I'm ready to work on a project.

I made the decision, let's go. Yes. She's still making her decision.

It's not always the right decision, but if I make a decision then I'm going to be... Clarity is better than, you know, clarity and being wrong is better than indecision a lot of the time.

Yeah.

Waiting for years to make a decision. Yes. You know, there's a time and place for like having strategy and thinking about it for a certain amount of time, but it's like, we've been talking about launching our podcast for three years.

Let's do this.

Yes.

God, I don't have patience anymore. Let's go.

You're an executor though. I love to execute. Yes. I feel like I just don't wanna.

Die tomorrow and say, oh, I wish I would've done those 10 things I wanted to do. Yeah, and I feel like if I never woke up with a rose hangover, I would maybe be more of an executor.

I'm an executor, but it just, like I said, it takes me a while.

To wrap my head around things.

What's the thing that you know you can improve on in your personal life that would make the business and your marriage a hundred times better? Oh my God, there's so many things that I could improve on. I have so many things.

-What'S a couple Keith? One thing that would make a huge.

Shift in your marriage and your business.

-I think that and I was listening to your podcast today, we talked about this. I think it's time for me to step up as a CEO and not just be creating content every single day. I create content seven days a week. There is not one day I have off for the last 10 years. So it's time for me to be able to scale my business. It's like step into the role of CEO, step into the role of really dealing with my finances, step into the role of, you know, taking my product line that's probably launching at the end of this year to the next level. That's been really hard. But then also another layer of that comes with managing a team. I've never been a manager. I was a solopreneur for It's a different experience. I was a horrible employee. The worst you've ever seen in your life. And I was a bartender for six years while I built the Skinny Confidential, worst employee. Then I was a solopreneur, and then it's like, wait, now to scale you need a team. And that's been, I've had to really consume a lot of Peter Drucker. Right, right. Let's put it that way.

I think, well, I know what it is for me, 100% I know. It's listening more. I'm a problem solver by nature. If you and I are friends, if you came to me and said, Hey Michael, this is my problem. My default state is, okay, how am I gonna help you? Here's the answer. Here's the answer. Here's what we're gonna do.

That's this. Exactly.

That's my move. That's like, okay, we're gonna do this. We're gonna bring these people in. We're gonna talk to this person. We're gonna get these resources. I got the guy. I got the girl. I got the, yeah.

I'm a fixer, right?

That's what I try to do. And sometimes in a relationship, both in.

An intimate relationship and a friendship, it's better to just stop and listen and make the person feel heard and hear what they say.

At least he's self-aware. Well, I struggle with it. I think that it's because it's out.

Of my default state. I'll tell you what, it's interesting because I've just been getting into a new relationship in the last five months. I haven't been talking about it publicly. I just announced it today. You guys saw it earlier. And one of the things when I think about the things I really appreciate about her is that she's such a good listener. Because I've been going through a lot of changes in my life personally, professionally and everything, and she just listens. And I'm like, I don't need anything else. And I'm like, wow, is this what it's like for almost all women in the world? They just want their man to listen and not even respond, just to look and listen to you. That's a thought.

It was like, wow, this is amazing.

And maybe I've been, you know, always trying to fix things myself. And I got to take a look at myself because I felt how amazing it was to have somebody just listen. I think you should have a listening.

Expert on the podcast and I'll play it while Michael and I are going to be subconsciously.

Sure. Yeah.

You need a listening expert.

But listen, none of us are perfect, right? Like it's a practice. It's something that I'm aware I need to improve on for sure in all my relationships. And it's something I just gotta work at.

Yeah. Okay, so that's the number one thing for you.

I mean, if I think it was when it pertains to our relationship, if the question was what would be an immediate improvement and impact on the relationship, it's that.

Listening, what about in your business?

I think again, it goes the same way, right? Like when you're managing a team and you're adding people, it's like making them feel heard. Like my biggest thing when I bring anybody onto the Dear Media team is Listen, speak up. Let me know what I'm doing wrong. Let me know what feedback, as the boss, let me know what we could be doing better. That's good. What do you think, where do you think we can improve? Because maybe I'm operating head in the cloud, looking at a long-term vision, but maybe some of the operations that are taking place that worked eight months ago don't work anymore. I need the people that are helping me build those processes and build this giant company. I need them to voice that up. And I think putting that out there that, yes, I'm a listener and also I'm willing to take feedback is extremely important. So I think a lot of human beings in general, I think, could get in a lot less trouble if they.

Listen to each other more.

Wow.

Okay.

Very Robert Green.

As somebody that talks professionally. Exactly.

Yours is just stepping into more of a CEO role in your business.

Yes.

And that includes time management on a micro level.

The time management thing has been. What's it mean to be a CEO? Does it mean not Snapchatting 24/7 and, you know, Instagram stories and creating as much content? Being more intentional about content, batching it so that you can manage your team.

I think it means stepping in to the back end of your business and working on your business and not in it every single day. Does it mean probably less Instagram stories? Yeah, sure. For me, it's really important that as I evolve, people, in my opinion, I'm sick of myself looking at pictures of myself all the time, which is why we launched a podcast. It has nothing to do with the way you look.

You don't have to wear a new outfit every day and post this thing, an accessory and makeup or whatever.

Yeah. It's just, I just don't see how, and you were talking about this earlier, the bright and shiny is going to work long term. The long term is really interesting to me. I have such a vision of how I want to build the brand and the community that I think to do that, I think taking out just the way you, like just the way you look is not enough. It has to have those value, the takeaways all the time, even in the caption on Instagram. So, I mean, you know, so important.

What's something you wish you both learned how to do besides the answers you just gave before you met each other? Like what's something you improved on in your life?

Manage money. Manage money.

Did you spend your money all the time before you got married?

I don't think I've had an attachment to money and I think that that's served me.

You've had an attachment?

No attachment. And I think it's served me because I went into blogging with literally the intention to provide quality content. That was my intention. And I was bartending and I was broke and I had no money and I was going to school full time, teaching peer bar and pilates, like living out of my godparents house. But my intention was just to provide the quality. And for three years, I didn't make one dime and I blogged every single day for seven years, or excuse me, for three years, every single day, seven days a week for three years. So I think that that non-attachment to money really helped build the foundation of the brand. But I think now, like we talked about the CEO, it's time to step into the financials and really get into the nitty gritty. I need to have more of an attachment to money.

I think speaking of finances, but it kind of talks into this or touches on this question. When I was coming up, I'd say maybe 20 to 25, my first years as an entrepreneur, my focus was completely on the wrong things when it came to finances, right? It was on material goals. All of my goals were material focused. Get the car, get the car, get the watch, get the trip, get the house. I'm glad this is over. Get the clothing. and I wish more young people could understand how fleeting that stuff is because it caused me a lot of trouble, right? Because you're in debt constantly or whatever. Not even necessarily in debt. Like I was a solid, I was solid at making money. What was wrong though was I was not fulfilled, right? You're going and one day it's like, okay, if I could afford this gold watch one day, everything's gonna be great in my life. Then you get there and you're like, wait a minute, got it, move on to the next. If I could afford maybe this next brand and you're just constantly chasing things that don't matter. Nobody else cares, nobody serious cares. It doesn't help you, it doesn't help your family. Your vision is not in place to help people. And so I wasted a lot of years having the wrong focus in terms of what my business goals were because I was focused on material wealth. Now, it's funny, arguably we're more successful than ever, but it's not a focus on material things. It's what are we giving back to the community? Who are we helping? What message are we amplifying? What team are we building? There's so many other things that provide such much greater fulfillment having conversations like these. You could strip away any finances around any of the things we're doing now and I just enjoy doing them.

And I want to shout Michael out for one second because when we first got together, we were very different with money. Very different. Like I said, I had no attachment. He was very materialistic, no offense. And it was just like material driven. And so I think we balanced each other out. We definitely balanced each other out. Making a transition from being like that to how he is now wasn't just a snap of the finger. It was so much self work. I have watched him read, you know, Ryan Holiday's the Daily Stoic every single day. I have watched him write in a journal every single day.

Wow.

His gratefuls every single day, you know, making a thing to wake up every morning at 5:00 a.m. He has worked on himself for the last, I would say for the last three years, every single day. So it wasn't, it wasn't something that just changed overnight.

What was that quote? I can't remember who it's by, but it's like human beings get in trouble because they set out to find something when you should set out to create yourself. It's something along those lines. And I think where, to her point, it's the example that a lot of young men grow up with. The car, the watch, the house, the thing. And if more people would talk about, that's not the answer. Those aren't the things that are gonna actually make you happy. Yes, having basic income needs met and being able to pay your bills and provide food for your family, yes, that's gonna move the needle and make you happy. if you don't have those things. But beyond that, it's not the answer. I mean, it's nice. It's nice to have nice things. Don't get me wrong. I still have nice things. We still do nice things, but it can't be the motivating force in your life. Right.

Where do you feel the most loved and where do you feel the most pain in your life?

That's a good question. Where do I feel the most loved? I feel the most loved when my husband gives me every speck of his attention.

And listens.

And listens. And all my five love languages. All my five love languages. My main love language is touch.

Lauren takes, you know you have the five love languages.

We haven't touched her once right now. Well, yeah.

Why haven't you touched me? YouTube's watching. He's like, YouTube.

No, I think she. She capitalizes all five love languages. She says all of them.

She's like, all of them are the love languages. I need everything. I need gifts. I need service, I need service.

It's like that meme, the person's dead on the floor and they're like, how much attention do you need? And it's like all of it. When I want attention from my husband, I want his full attention. And I don't, I'm not super needy when it comes to that. I let you do you, I'm super independent, but when I want attention, it's like look out, I want his attention. So that's when I feel most loved.

When every single speck of your being is on me. So the only way he can love you the most is if he's fully.

Paying attention to you 100% of the time. No, not 100% of the time. In the moment we decide that I want attention.

I need help. Is anyone out there? I need help.

Yeah, I. When. When we decide to have, like, full attention, I want the full attention.

Got you. So I don't say, hey, let's be president this moment.

Like, today we were out to lunch, and he does this thing where he goes like this.

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Explain it. He's looking around at lunch? Not looking at you. Not even like looking at anything in specific. Just looking around at the setting and.

I'm like, Let me tell you what it's like to date a Gemini or to marry a Gemini. The beginning of the lunch starts with, Hey, I'm not gonna be able to talk this lunch.

I have to work. I'm so far behind.

Cool. So I start looking around. Hey, why aren't you paying attention to me?

Oh, wow.

Yes.

A lot of this is you gotta take responsibility as well.

When do I feel the most pain? I feel the most pain when I'm in chaos. I have a lot of pain when I'm in chaos.

You must have been in pain your whole life.

Yeah. What?

You said you like to be in chaos.

Yeah, not my whole life. When I'm really in a chaotic moment is when I feel the most in pain, like a real true chaotic moment. triggers me. And I've noticed that now, like the other day I had a moment where it was triggering and I went to Michael, which I normally don't do, and was like, I need you to take this one for me. And he took it. He took it like a champ. You listened, you were 100% listening.

Wow, that's great.

Well, I think as a couple, like, feeling, I feel the most love probably when somebody unders, like it's the little things where you can recognize somebody's in pain and step in. And it doesn't necessarily, like for me, When things are not going right or if I need a moment, like I'm a very cerebral person. I'll go and I need to take some time by myself. I need to get in my own head. I need to think. It's not that I don't want to be around people. It's just the way I process things. And when she can recognize that and not hassle me for it, because a lot of people want to jump in and she just understands, like, okay, that's his process. Let him be and letting other people know, like, let him be for a while. And I think when we feel the least of that, that is when people push against it like the way you are. So if my default state is not being chaotic and I need to be in that, it's like trying to bring chaos into that even though you know that that's going to set me off or you know that that's going to upset me, that's when it's very difficult. I think a lot of couples run into issue because they know the buttons they can push. Yeah, of course. Right, like I know exactly what's going to set her off. I know what she doesn't like and I can get there where maybe it would take you a while because you don't necessarily know, it would take me three seconds. She could do the same to me. And so when you're in a relationship and you have your significant other pushing those buttons, you know it's not coming from a place of love. You know it's coming from a place of, hey, I want to set this guy off. And so couples need to be cognitive of that, us included, saying, okay, where is this coming from? Why do I want to set this person off?

Why do I want to make them feel bad? So here's a scenario. There's a relationship of two people coming together who love each other for two, three, four years, whatever. And one person says, I want to start a business together with you. What advice would you give to a couple that's been together for a few years that wants to do this and wants to launch something together, start a business together, make money with the same thing together?

Put your helmet on.

What advice would you recommend it for people? Would you say only if you're this type of people, here are the things you really need to look out for or the conversations you need to have about money or about ownership or about boundaries, like what would you say?

I would say the first step is self-awareness. You need to be so in tune with who you are and how I would say to get there is I do this thing called the Morning Pages and it's by Julia Childs, the Artist's Way. And basically you wake up every morning and you brain dump onto a piece of paper for three pages, not judging yourself. So you just projectile what you're thinking. Anything. Anything. And if that was, you know, the self-awareness talk for three pages every single morning for a month, I would write down what you're committed to, if you're committed to the same, like we talked about earlier, goals. Then I would sit down with your partner and I would have a list in front of me and I would actually build out a strategic future by design, which is like you set your goals with your partner and you're both committed to the same goals and then you work backwards with systems of how you're going to get there. And so it's really clear. Is it turning off your phone at 10 o'clock at night? Is it, you know, I just being honest here, I don't like when Michael talks business. to me before 9am. I'm not a morning person. I need my mornings to be meditation and learning. Yeah, learning from your podcast. No, working out, getting coffee, whatever that is. I need to get my head in the game because I think of myself and what I'm doing as content is not a professional athlete, but I want to be able to train at a high level all the time.

That's right.

And to lay the foundation of my day, I need to be cerebral. I need to be inside. Just really laying that out. Michael and I didn't do that to start, and it sort of bit us in the ass later, but then we ended up doing it, thank God. And I think we're on the same page. So I would just say, get on the same page and write it down so you can go back to that and show each, remember when we said this? Right, here. We wrote it down.

I just speak it to you.

Text it to him, put it on his forehead, tattoo it on his ass, whatever you gotta do.

This is a longer answer, so both of you cut me off if it goes too far. Please, I've been on the mic before, it's fine to cut me off. But I would say the first thing is really define your idea of starting a business together compared to your partners. Your idea may be, I want to operate this thing into a $100 million business with 100 team members and we're gonna have this massive office and we're gonna go here and we're gonna be in all these different states or countries, whatever. And your partner's idea might be, Hey, we're gonna have two or three people, we're gonna be able to travel all over the world, we're gonna have fun doing this together. so that's important to define just as a starting place of what your actual vision is. I think a lot of people think, oh, let's start a business. What does that mean? What's that scale? And then I think the second part of that is to really define the roles. What are you doing? What is she or he doing? Where do you have veto? Where does she have veto or vice versa? Are he and he or she and she? I think all of those things should be talked about in advance because doing business together comes with all of the stress that comes with starting a business.

Separate stress than being in a marriage.

Completely separate. I don't care what sport you're in, what relationship you're in, the most stressful thing is entrepreneurship and building a business. It's very challenging. Because not only is it reliant on your household or not only reliant for your household and your family, but anybody else that you start to impact, their families, the team you bring on, the people you're reaching. And so you have to carry all of that weight and you have to be willing to do that. A lot of pressure.

It's a lot of pressure. How do you guys manage Money conversations for the marriage for your future for you know, what do we invest back in the business? What do we invest in buying the shiny toys of the month, you know versus the vacations? Do you guys have a good relationship with money or do you feel like that is a struggle?

Her money's hers and my money's hers.

No, we make our own money separately and then we have the podcast together, which is our its own entity like we created I want to say this right, an LLC, right?

No, we have like a holding company that has holdings in the different entities. And together that's our holding company.

Or is it the whole everyone?

It's our holding.

So we own it jointly and then that'll have different brands, different brands, different entities, different companies.

Sort of like an umbrella.

And so you have skinny confidential. Which is mine.

Do you work on that at all? I'm completely, it's a common misconception that people think that I've been working in it or involved. to this day have outside of consulting with my wife and having those conversations just as like an advisor would, and she is to me, I'm not in the day-to-day of skinny at all, right? Like she has her own manager, she has her own team, she has her own office, she has her own thing. The only thing that intersects is obviously.

I run Deer Media and we have.

The podcast together and the podcast is with Deer Media. With Deer Media, yeah. And we host that together. But outside of that we make, you.

Know, we have investments together, we have.

Companies together, but we keep things separate.

Like I have a separate company, she.

Has a separate company, and then we have stuff jointly. So you have your own bank account, My own bank account.

Since day one.

Since day one. Since marriage. I mean, I'm a very independent person and Michael is too. That's another thing. It's like, again, that's self-awareness. We're very, very independent. Like, I've always wanted to make my own money and have my own thing. And even if Michael was a multi-gazillionaire, it's still really important for me to have my own platform, my own money, my own thing.

We have, yeah, exactly. Do you have a joint account too? Is that a thing? Yeah, we have joint and we have joint companies. And I think that's another thing, not to get too technical here, but again, with your accountant and sit down and say, Hey, what kind of joint company makes sense? You could have a joint account, you could have joint companies. It makes things clean. I mean, listen, hopefully the wheels don't fall off this thing, but if it does, there's no, the companies are joint, right? And so, We like to invest together.

It'd be the same as if you and I were partners, right? And like the investment, like he'll ask my opinion creatively and I'll ask his opinion more business and from the numbers standpoint, I think that we make a good team when it comes to that. And anyone that's listening that's hearing this, I just think it's so important. My main advice of all this would be don't settle. Don't settle. Don't settle because at 30 years old, someone told you you had to be married with kids. Don't settle because at 35 years old, you want children. You can freeze your eggs. You can adopt. There's so many options out there. Don't settle for someone who's half-ass. That's obviously my own opinion. But if Michael and I weren't together, I really truthfully think that I would be single at this moment. really focused on my business and building that. And, you know, I think that, again, has to do with the self-awareness.

Yeah.

Wow. Inspiring. So you guys invest together. You'll pay for, like, trips together. Or does that come out of all your money?

No, no, it depends.

Like, our trip to France, we still.

Like to take my wife to dinner and pick up the to check and do things. But. But I think what the biggest thing is, is we're not. Listen, we try to be responsible with money, invest properly, do all those things that we just outlined. But also we're not putting this huge pressure on finances on the relationship, right? We try to live humbly below our means. We try to, you know, save money. Save money. Yeah, but at the same time, like if there is something that my wife and I do spend on, it's experiences, but it's experiences together because I think that's something you take with you. Like, you know, material thing, like I said, you can wear it, you can have it, but you can't take it anywhere.

Like the experiences that we have together can live in here. Yeah, it's great.

What?

What do you see as, like, the biggest problem that could potentially happen over the next three, five, ten years?

Oh, my God. Let me pull out my scroll. There's a million things that can happen. I mean, there is, like, it could be anything from, like, this is, like, morbid, but it could be anything from deaths to breaking up to divorce. I mean, you have to understand that life takes you on different directions. Like I said, it's from the beginning. Like, I think we're committed to the same goal, but I've been taught from a very young age, you don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. You don't know what's gonna happen next month. You just have to really we enjoy every second of each other. And right now we're in a really good place. We're best friends. We enjoy building together. And I feel like that's what matters. I mean, we'd love to have kids, but we're not in a rush. We're not. People want to. Like, the second we got married, it was like, when are you having kids? Crazy, right? I just think that it's. You don't have to conform to what Society wants you to do. Everyone is different. And if that means having kids at 40, like, there's. There's lots of different options nowadays. you got to do what works for you.

As you put yourself out there as a public person on any scale, the larger that scale gets, the more outside opinions come in. I don't have to tell you that. I think the wheels could potentially fall off or become difficult, and you've seen this before with many couples. If you let some of those outside voices that don't necessarily know what's actually going on have an impact and opinion on your relationship, so what do you.

Guys do to make sure that doesn't happen.

In a weird way, it's like we're out there, but we're also very insulated. We have all these conversations. We understand, okay, that was a unique experience, you know, having breakfast and maybe somebody came up. It's super grateful to have that, but you didn't have that before. How do we do that? Okay. Having a relationship put on display to all these listeners, like, okay, that's interesting. Like, how do we navigate that? It's a unique scenario that not a lot of people understand or relate to because I haven't been through it, and I think we just have to keep having a dialogue as that's happening. A lot of time you'll see a couple where it's like, I'm out there, I'm a public, take Gary Vee, I'm a public person and we love Gary, but he keeps his family behind. There's something to be said for that. For us, we don't have that luxury.

So it'll be interesting. When we have kids, I don't know how I'm gonna feel. I'm the type of person, like I'm just going with each day. I don't have a rule book for this. There's definitely 20% of our relationship that's kept off social media, which I find, special to us.

What's that? Just when you're in the bedroom.

When we're in the bedroom, a conversation. You're just not vlogging. No, I mean, there's a lot. I mean, on Instagram story, you see 10 minutes of a 24 hour day. You see a lot of the good stuff. You don't see. We're not snapping while we're fighting. You know what I mean? There's definitely. And he's also. A lot of influencers have their husbands or boyfriends as the photographer.

He won't take a picture of.

I mean, if it were gonna save.

My life for him to take a.

Picture, he wouldn't take.

He won't take any photos of you. I would.

Or when No, no, listen, never, it's always you.

Never.

Don't lie. I set the bar low.

Because I knew-- you- set the bar low.

Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low.

Because I knew-- you- set the bar low.

Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low. Because I knew-- you- set the bar low.

Because I knew-- you- set the bar low.

But I think, you know, that's another thing. It's like defining the roles, right? Like if I came in and said, Hey, listen, I need you to start looking into the books here and doing all the, you know, bookkeeping here.

Yeah, of course not.

I'm in the bar. You watch. These guys get in trouble because they set the bar really high in the beginning. Like I can take all your photos, but if I was in that position.

Listen, that's what she does for a living.

It would be my job.

It'd be nonstop. So I had to be taking 10.

Minutes a day of Instagram stories, Snapchat. Can you imagine?

I actually turn the camera on him a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot.

You do?

Yeah. Do you like that? I don't have a choice in it, but I don't dislike it. I don't mind. I don't need an angle or a.

And I'm a pretty open book. I just snap him in his natural element. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, with nothing's like, we're hurt. No, it's just, he's being absurd. For instance, when we're packing for a.

Trip, it's like he has the weigher.

That weighs the bag, and he has.

To have the 20 thing.

Just pay the extra five bucks if you don't want to weigh. No, listen, it's not, this is a whole podcast.

It's not $5.

It's that I have to carry these massive bags everywhere I go.

It's all her stuff. It's all 20 shoes.

Trust me, it is ridiculous.

It just, I like to snap him in his neck.

There was bags and bags of protein.

Powder the last time, and they all spilled in the suitcase.

Yeah, I'm trying to stay fit.

Staying healthy, guys.

I get it.

You wanna get out of shape or.

You wanna be, you know, I don't know. Do I wanna be scooping protein powder? I gotta decide.

Wow, okay. What's the question?

Question you wish she would ask you that she never asked.

Sometimes I think it would be nice, listen, because I'm somebody who just trucks and trucks forward. And a lot of that time is even if something's going wrong, my default again is, okay, everything's gonna, like, I'll find the light in a dark tunnel. Sometimes the question of, hey, are you all right in all this stuff? Are you okay? Are you, are you super, like, I'm.

So used to him being a rock. I never think to ask him questions. He never needs help. He's the man.

He's got it all under control.

And sometimes, like the other night we were in New York and we were running around and it was just an exhausting day. And I looked at it for like one of the first times I just.

Said, I am exhausted.

It's probably the first time she's heard that in a long time.

I don't even remember the last time I heard that. Not just physically, but mentally.

Like there's just a lot going on.

You know, we're doing a lot of different things. You had like 18 meetings in one day. Yeah, and it's just a lot. It's fine. It's just, it's emotionally draining sometimes. You're carrying a lot of weight and so to have that question, sometimes we can all have that one strong friend. Maybe you're that strong friend. And because that's your default most of the time, people don't take the time to say, wait a minute, are you okay? And it's not that we're not, but it's just nice to have somebody thinking.

About like, hey, are you? You know? Yeah, I think you should always ask that question.

I need to do that more. Always ask that question.

I haven't necessarily, I've never thought about that question.

But that is where my mind just went.

Interesting. What question, was that helpful for you?

Yeah, really helpful actually. This is like therapy, Louis.

What question would you, do you wish Michael would have ever asked you or ask you more?

What do you feel about that? And I'm not gonna insert my opinion. Is that a question or a statement? I just want, I like when he just asked me a question without trying to like figure out the answer. You know, sometimes I just don't want a solution. I just want you to listen.

How do you feel about this? this, okay, cool. And just saying like, all right.

It's really hard for you, can you do that?

Well, I think the thing you could say is how do you feel about this? And then when you vomit on her or vomit on him, whatever you're saying that he feels like, okay, I need a solution. Then you can say, would you like me to offer feedback or a solution? And if she said no, then say.

Okay, cool, anything else? You know what I say?

Sometimes I say, I'm not at request for coaching.

That's great. Sometimes I- I wanna say something and.

I'm not at request for coaching.

Sometimes I just wanna bitch and sometimes.

I just wanna talk. And she probably just wants you to touch her, look her in the eyes.

While she's doing it.

While I get a gift with a card.

While he's sweeping the floor. I'd like a massage.

Yeah, right. Exactly. Amazing. Maybe some pizza. I saw Jeff Bezos doing this thing.

Where he had these big mechanical arms.

The robots, the robot arms.

That's what I'm gonna need in order.

To get all her loving. 20 arms. I don't ask for much. Everything, the world. What is your quote that you have?

It says, I want it all and I'd like it delivered.

Yeah. Yeah, literally on her school of greatness.

I'm trying to be the best.

I like it. But if you're willing to work for it, I guess. Yeah.

Yeah.

Five love languages.

All at once.

All at once.

Yes.

Where can we find you guys? You can find us at the Skinny.

Well, you can find me at the Skinny Confidential and then my blog is the Skinny Confidential.com.

Yeah, just the podcast. And like I said, we're working on a lot of different shows on the Deer Media Network and check out I mean, I think 30 female-focused shows there. Any of them would be a good place to start. And yeah, and I'm just Michael Bostwick everywhere.

But I don't have as much pink content as her.

Do you guys have an account together too or no? Nope. Well, I guess we have @TSCpodcast. Okay.

Yeah, that's about it. Just the podcast.

The podcast.

We've had a lot of --Lewis has been on.

Go listen to that episode.

--Yeah, go listen to Lewis's episode.

--We had a good time. We had a good time on that one. Lewis's episodes are always fun.

We did. Michael took over.

We went a little deep. I thought I was interviewing you and.

Then it just slipped. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna have you and your new girlfriend on, so you better watch out. And I'm gonna do the same thing to you guys.

I'll give it another six months and.

Then I'll have you guys on.

Six months for you. I'm gonna cook for a while. Letter maker list. I know, right? 'Cause right now, man, it's like, I've never been in a relationship where I'm like, man, it's just really, really good. Like, it's really, really good. It's easy. Yeah, I'm like, I'm almost having a little PTSD or anxiety from my last relationship because it was like every day it felt like when we were together I felt like stressed, like something bad was gonna happen, right? Or, and I'm not saying I was perfect or it was like, you know, all her fault or something, but I just felt like anxious all the time. And she probably felt the same thing, right? And man, I just feel like, gosh, I'm like, is something gonna happen bad in the future? Like, I don't know.

Well, you're used to chaos.

I'm so used to it. I'm like, this is unbelievable. And it makes me emotional just like when I talk with her, 'cause I'm like, I've never felt so much love and like security. I don't know.

What's her vibe? Is she super business oriented?

Like, what's her- She's very, she's a lot like you probably, where she's got a movie coming out next month, she does TV show. Maine, where life the way it should be transforms all who encounter its spectacular landscapes. Rugged coastlines, pine-scented trails, sandy beaches, sparkling lakes, and tranquil forests inspire you to reflect and make meaningful moments. They offer endless opportunities for adventure and exploration. Whether peddling or paddling, hiking or biking, Maine has more than enough outdoor spaces to make the most of long summer days. Relish in exquisite flavors harvested from the ocean and the rich soils of orchards and fields. Maine's makers are rooted in its heritage while boldly branching into new ways of thinking, doing, and being. Connect with its people in warm and authentic towns, which beckon you to stroll art galleries and locally owned shops, where generations of artists, writers, entrepreneurs, and craftspeople see the world anew. It's tempting to do it all when you visit, but take a beat and a breath. Get a feel for the time and tempo of Maine. Simple pleasures, Scenic Adventures, where every route is the scenic one. Discover more at visitmaine.com. should it stay or should it go? What if I mess it up? What if I have to pay taxes now?

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Five days a week, and then she does theater six times a weekend. So she has no days off, literally. She has to show up somewhere every day.

You guys are on the same page. She's busy.

She's very independent and got her own thing. She makes her own money. just bought her mom a house last month. She's, like, giving and caring, and she doesn't need anything from me.

That's the best.

She's got, she's had every major, like, Latin pop star and billionaire offer her planes and this and that and taking her all the world. She's not into any of that, you know? And so she doesn't need it. She could have it easily. And that's what I really appreciate about her. She's just like, I don't know.

She's.

A passionate Latina, but she's also.

Telling you man, super calm and loving.

And a great listener.

Something to be said for these strong women.

It's weird. I've never been, but I've also, when I broke up with my, when we broke up last year, I had like a month and a half I was reflecting on my whole life. I was like, okay, who are all the women that I've been with and what do they have in common? And I realized, wow, I've never asked myself this. I've always just kind of repeated the pattern of kind of dating the same girls and I didn't even know why. I was like, why do they all break horribly? you know, they all end horribly. And I had a moment where I was like, oh, my gosh, they all were super beautiful to me. I was very attracted to them sexually. They all had some type of talent or gift that was different than the person before. Like, one was a doctor, one was a photographer, a dancer, a singer. It was like, always like a thing that I couldn't do that I thought was interesting. And then I said, wow, they all have the third thing in common as well, which is None of them believe they're beautiful or talented.

I knew you were gonna say that. Really? Yeah. Wow.

I'm not putting anything down or anything, but they lacked self-confidence.

Yes, and confidence, I think, is what's.

Attracting you so much, too. It attracted me to them originally, 'cause I was like, how do you not see how beautiful you are, how talented you are? These are all my girlfriends, right? And they're all amazing in their own way, and I'm not trying to put anyone down here. I had my insecurities as well. But I reflected on it, I was like, wow, these are the things they had in common. for me, that it was like a project for me to help them. I wasn't even consciously thinking about it, but I was like, you got to see how beautiful you are and how talented you are. You're an incredible human being. All my exes are incredible, right, in their own way. But they, for me, I never felt like they were able to get over the hump of like actually truly believing in themselves. Like it didn't matter how many years, how much I tried, how much I.

Said the words, like you're amazing, you're beautiful. Like I love- Because they have to.

Feel it from within and that's something that you have to work on on yourself. Exactly. Yeah. And I think that, you know, they all worked on a different level. So again, I'm not trying to put anyone down here, but I felt like I was always growing more in certain ways and in that area, and they weren't as much in that area.

That's probably why you're feeling peace, though, is because that third one's fulfilled.

So everyone feels. Yeah. I'm like, wow. She's confident and humble. She's driven and grateful. It's weird. And so I'm, like, also, like, a little anxious because I'm like, is something gonna happen wrong? That's like in the future. Like, I don't know.

You just gotta let it be good.

Just let it be good. Like, just enjoy it.

And, you know, life's gonna happen how it happens. We talk about this all the time. Sometimes, you know, if you have a chaotic background or you're looking for something to fall, maybe you're waiting for the wheels to fall off. Yeah, right. And so it's almost like you're creating that. And Lauren and I have these conversations all the time. Like, if something's good, let it be good right now. Don't look. Enjoy it. And so many of us self-sabotage and ruin good things for no reason. Like if it's good, let it be good and just say it's good.

Confidence though, just from my own experience, confidence is the sexiest thing that you can have in a friend, in a husband, in a podcast, or confidence is like, that is, for me, it's like charisma.

It's amazing.

Yeah, you just want to lean into it.

Magnetic.

Yes.

It's a question we ask a lot of people on our shows. How do they find confidence? And it's, I still to this day don't know if we've had a definitive answer.

How do you define confidence?

How do you find confidence?

How do you become a confident person?

If you're not confident, I think you.

Create confidence by overcoming all of your emotional fears personally. Because I felt like the only way I've become confident is because I embodied everything I was most afraid of. And I gave myself a game and a challenge. When I was a teenager, it was talking to girls. I could not talk to girls the same my life. And I remember just saying, I'm sick and tired of feeling so terrified when a girl comes around because I don't know what to say and I'm going to get laughed at and everyone's going to talk about, you know, I build up the story. And then one summer I said, okay, enough is enough. I'm going to a place where no one knows me for a summer. And every time I see someone that I'm attracted to that gives me like butterflies, I'm going to sprint up to them. not in a creepy way, but I'm gonna, if I see them and I'm like, wow, they turn me on, I have to move my body and just go right up to them and start talking. And it was horrible the first week, first couple weeks. It was miserable, so terrifying. I thought I was gonna die until I didn't die. Until, okay, a couple weeks in, a girl talked back to me, until I didn't make up, she didn't laugh at me and run away or whatever. It was like, okay, now we can have a conversation. that gave me so much confidence at the end of that summer, just to overcome that emotional fear was creating those moments. And I've done that in so many areas of my life because I was never confident. I was always insecure, always lacked confidence until I created it. So I think for me, that's what's worked is really like diving into those things. Whatever your emotional fears are, create a list. The one that scares you the most, I'm not talking about like spiders or something, but an emotional fear. Like, write a list down and circle the biggest one and then go to that big one first. That's great advice.

It makes a lot of sense. Putting yourself in just uncomfortable situations over and over again.

Because you, when you, when you tackle that, you'll be like, I can do anything. Yeah, I think this with public speaking. I could not speak in front of.

Five people to save my life. I was going to say that my biggest fear in my life for forever was public speaking. And now I speak for a living. Yeah, and I was terrified.

I couldn't speak in front of five people. But it's like riding a bike. You rinse and repeat. You keep putting yourself in the situation.

Over and over and over.

And over and over until it becomes confident. That's it.

Until it becomes like, okay, I'm not stressed out. I'm not sweating my pits right now. You know, I can breathe and you overcome that fear. So that's how, that's how I've created over the years. And, you know, I went through a lot of, you know, insecurities of earlier in the year because I was getting publicly shamed by my ex. Right. So I was like publicly getting shamed. And I was like, that was a big emotional fear is like lies and rumors being spread about me that I couldn't control. where I felt like I was being under attack.

I think you putting it out there and even just saying that that must feel good and liberating in a way. Well, I was also like, okay, all.

My fears happened where people like betrayed me and people like judged me and it was like I never wanted to be-- everyone wants to be liked by everyone, right?

Sure.

And so I was like, okay, wow, my ego had to die so that I could know that I'm still alive and it's okay. I still have friends and family and people love me and now more people are like following me and love me for who I am. I am. So I think it's a part of, like, killing the ego and rebuilding constantly. And we need to do it to build confidence. That's how I've done.

And also, just because you're a public person like you, you're not going to do every single thing right all the time. Like, there's, there's, it's crazy sometimes how people get shamed for doing one thing and no one has. It's like, we talked about this earlier. It's like they build you up to tear you down. No, I mean, no one is perfect. I mean, I'm an I'm gonna up a million times, and I hope that my community can rally against me and realize no one's perfect.

I think I apologize every week on the show. Really? I started with it all. Sorry, I did this, sorry I did that. I mean, I think, yeah, we're not professing to be perfect here.

We're just sharing the journey.

Well, I acknowledge you guys both for sharing the journey, 'cause you guys open.

Up in a big way.

I mean, just the episode we did alone, I was like, wow, you guys are really-- that was intense. You're willing to go there and empower your audience in a big way to inspire them more than the boobs and makeup and type of conversations. You really open up and you continue to do the work individually and together. I think it's really important to set that example. You guys are an amazing example of a married couple that can be independent and thrive together and not kill each other.

That's very, very nice.

At least not yet.

So, and you seem, you know, you seem like you really admire each other, you really love each I'm sure there's complications and challenges like everyone has, but you really have stayed together for 10 years. And I admire you for being able to do that in a world where it's easy to compare to other guys out there, other girls out there. It's easy to say, Ah, it's not working. I've got 30 other girls that are hitting me up right now that want me, that aren't creating stress for me, that'll just whatever. And same thing for you. Like, I've got guys that just want to listen to me all day long, you know, and you won't listen to me. Sure they want to do more than that. Right, exactly. And so I admire and acknowledge you guys for staying committed to your vision and staying strong, even when people may try to tear you down. And I think it's really cool, especially as a young 33 year old couple, it's really inspiring.

So thank you. High praise coming from you.

Yeah, that means a lot. Thank you for having us on your show.

I've got two final questions for you. Yeah. Three truths. Maybe we'll let Lauren start with the first, you do the second, then you do the third.

Okay.

Ladies go first. So three truths question is, this was your last day and you could only share three lessons with the world. What would you share? So you get two and you get one.

I got three.

I would say, create your, you are in charge of your own future. You can create your own future. And the second that you can own that and step into it, your life will become immensely better. Design your life accordingly.

Okay.

I was gonna say it's gonna start it. You can, Live life on your own terms. You can and should break the status quo. You don't need to wait for permission to do any of that.

I like that. Okay, so you get two more now.

I get two more?

Well, he just did three, so you get two more now.

Mine kind of go together as one, though.

Oh, okay. My whole message is, do you be you on your own terms? I think that I feel most empowered and most confident that I can, and my parents always gave me that space to do me whatever that looks like. And if you're listening to outside influences on how to live your life, I would sit back and I would take a lot of time to reflect.

That's good.

And then my last one, just to sum up this episode, would be don't settle. Don't settle for mediocrity in any area of your life, your relationship, your business. Even like doing small things, your workouts.

Don'T settle for mediocrity. And don't be willing to throw things away so quickly when they're getting tough and they're hard. And I think that's really important for relationships. Relationships are tough, really tough. A lot of people are willing to just give up and throw them away without really taking the time putting in work. It requires work.

And final question, what's your definition of greatness?

I think I kind of answered it. My whole thing when I think about the greatest people, it's people who have done things on their own terms and have gone against the grain and have pushed against society norms and haven't waited for permission. There's so many of us that are waiting, okay, I'm going to get this degree, I'm going to take this course, and then I'm going to start this business. Just get going. Everything that we've done, we just got going. There's no reason or no certification that we were given to do anything that we're doing, whether success or failure. And I think that if people just stopped waiting and started doing in anything, talking to that girl, starting that business, getting in shape, I think that is the biggest, those are the people that I'm the most impressed with.

Yeah. I would say getting rid of excuses. It's, you know, the internet's not too saturated, blogging's not too saturated, creating content's not too saturated. You're not too old, you're not too young. I would say get rid of the excuses and execute.

There you go. Double high five. Thank you guys very much. Thank you so much for being here. for being a listener, for subscribing and being a part of the School of Greatness Community. We have over 120 million downloads in the last six and a half years. We continue to grow at a rapid pace, over 5 million downloads a month. And it's all because of you. So if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. You can send the link lewishowes.com/820 text a friend, text a few friends. If you're on a WhatsApp group chat, if you're in a Facebook group, share it to friends you think this would inspire and empower and elevate in any way. If there's lessons or insights or just good old entertainment, share with a few friends, post it on social media and tag me @LouisHowes wherever you are. Let me know what you think. Tag Lauren and Michael Bostic as well. Let them know what you thought about their conversation. And as always, it's so good that you're here. If this is your first time here, please subscribe. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let us know what you think over there. And no matter where you're at in your life right now, whether you're single, you're in a relationship, you've got a.

Business.

You'Re a career seeker, whether your partner has a business and you have a career, whether you're both looking to do something on the side, this is powerful information because running a marriage is kind of like running a business together. There's a lot of things you need to do that are similar even if it's not a business. So, I hope you found this valuable and just continue to take what you can from every interview, every episode, and use the things that work for you. Maybe not everything works for you and that's okay. Use and apply what works for you in your life to improve your life. Have a more loving, fulfilling, joyful experience every single day. As Henry Ford said, coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. I love you so very much. You know, know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.

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