851 Sophia Bush on Speaking Your Truth

This is episode number eight hundred and fifty one with sophia bush welcome to the school of greatness my name is lewis howes former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness thanks for spending some time with me today now let the class begin eleanor roosevelt said remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual you have an obligation to be one i am super pumped about today's interview very excited if this is your first time here then welcome to the school of greatness we've been around for almost seven years three times a week we bring you some of the most inspiring people in the world to open your heart to connect you to your purpose and your mission to help you grow in your business in your life and your relationships your spirituality and today we have an incredible human being sophia bush is an actress activist director and producer she was a star on the drama series one tree hill from two thousand three to twenty twelve and starred in the nbc drama series chicago pd from twenty fourteen to twenty seventeen she's also had major film roles like john tucker must die the hitcher the narrows and the animated superhero film incredibles two which was a personal favorite of mine sophia also raises awareness of world events and fundraises with involvement in f cancer run for the gulf and global green gulf relief and every town forgone safety and her new podcast work in progress features frank funny personal professional and sometimes even political conversations with people who inspire sophia about how they've gotten to where they are and where they think they're still going going and we dived into a lot of different things today probably some topics that i've never really covered and talked about for this long why you should make friends with your fear and how to treat it like an emotional investment in the things you care about one of the first things we covered also how speaking your truth can set you free and save lives not just close to you but all around the world the difference between how men and women share their truth and why we should be sharing our truth more taking on world issues how to figure out which to take on and how to pass the baton but run like a team and who was the most influential person in sophia's life growing up that and so much more i am super pumped if you enjoy this episode make sure to text it to one friend the link is lewishous dot com eight hundred fifty one or you can just take the link on apple podcasts or spotify or wherever you're listening to it and text one friend today you can be a champion in someone's life today by sending them this information it's going to be inspiring and powerful and it's going to help a lot of people the kia sportage turbo hybrid has a bold design a spacious interior with two hundred and thirty two horsepower and a twelve point three inch panoramic display to keep the adventure going and fit with the way you live and with siriusxm every drive comes alive bringing you closer to the music the sports talk and podcasts that you love right in your vehicle or on the sirius xm app every siriusxm equipped kia sportage turbo hybrid includes a three month trial so the experience begins the moment you drive learn more at kia dot com sportage dash hybrid kia movement that inspires this message is brought to you by apple card apple card members can earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases wherever they shop this means you could be earning daily cash on just about anything like a slice of pizza from your local pizza place or a latte from the corner coffee shop apply for apple card in the wallet app to see your credit limit offer in minutes subject to credit approval apple card issued by goldman sachs bank usa salt lake city branch terms and more at applecard dot com the school of greatness is sponsored by capital one nowadays most people subscribe to everything music tv even dog food and it rocks until you have to manage it all which is where capital one comes in capital one credit cardholder can easily track block or cancel reoccurring charges right from the capital one mobile app at no additional cost with one sign in you can manage all your subscriptions all in one place learn more at capital one dot com subscriptions terms and conditions apply welcome back everyone to the school of greatness podcast we've got the inspiring sophia bush in the house so pumped you're here hi i think i got connected to you twenty eleven twelve through adam braun because you were involved in pencils of promise yeah i think before me and i got involved right after and he was telling me about this girl who's really inspiring who's up to big things who wants to give back and i was like who and she was like sophia bush and i was like oh cool and i didn't know who you were i didn't watch any of the tv shows you're in but i was like okay let me research her and i really loved your i loved your integrity i loved your mission i loved your hearts thanks because i feel like a lot of people with a platform or an audience or on tv or movies you don't always know what their intentions are and i felt like you're willing to spend your time and your energy and your money to give back and i think that's really powerful so that was my first impression of you and i've been able to watch i think i've only seen you a couple times in the last seven years i think or whatever it is i think once soho house maybe a summer series maybe somewhere else we ran into each other but i've always enjoyed kind of following your journey especially online i don't watch tv too much but the online journey of you constantly being a stand for humanity and that's what i love about the work that you do you use your platform to make a stand whether people agree with the stand or not whether they think you're right or wrong you're very convicted in your beliefs of trying to improve everyone's situation i think that's really powerful we were talking about this before we started about you passionately and i don't know if this is public information before what you were talking about.

Is it okay to which part we're.

Sitting out there talking about i mean.

There were a lot of things we were talking about out there yeah you.

Passionately i guess decided to leave a show that you're on is that yeah.

No people i mean yes people know.

I left you wanted to leave because you were standing up for something you believed in is that true yeah and i think that's hard for people to consider i think in your position because you're getting paid a lot of money i know how much actors make who have like been series regulars for a while you're making a lot of money per episode and to say like i'd rather stand up for what i believe in instead of like keep getting these big checks and being on tv i think that's really i mean that's inspiring.

So i think look the reality is that we're so much more than what we do and sometimes you you get to the destination and you realize that it isn't what you thought it was going to be how many people in how many professions have been there you achieve the goal and go huh oh okay what it is on paper what it looks like through a screen what it looks like on instagram that's not what it is and for me to have all the things on paper that should go under the dream job title.

Right but not in your heart maybe.

Yeah and to feel so miserable and so disrespected and so taken advantage of and so just eaten up and spit out by the environment i was in i just went i don't have to do this and it took a long time for me to get there you know it wasn't just a moment i think it's interesting because some people will say i could have never done that like how did you stay in this situation or how did you leave this situation it doesn't happen overnight in hindsight and you know cliches are cliches right cause we're true like hindsight really is twenty twenty and in hindsight i knew at the end of our second season that i needed to leave and it took me until the first meeting for season four to tell them that if this wasn't all gonna get resolved in a meaningful way i'd leave at the end of the year and they thought i was bluffing which was also really interesting given what was going on and at the end of the year when it became really clear that i was leaving nothing would keep me there i just realized you know i've been a cog in this machine for two more years it took me two years of processing and then fighting to get free.

Why do you think it took you so long when your intuition told you like ah i should be done after the first or second season well i.

Think what's really tricky is that anytime we're not involved in a situation we assume that things are very black and white we assume that it's like a seesaw and over here is the yes and over here is the no and you just go between them but the reality of any situation is that you're you're in this sort of amorphous spherical space and there's so much at play there's pain and there's joy and there's upset and there's success and there's the three weeks of misery at work and then you have this one day that's so great amazing you know and there's other relationships and people who you care about and spaces that you love and friends in the community and it's not just this or that and it's hard and there's also i think for me a little bit of that like joan of arc like you will not you know mess with my space my stuff you know this thing of like this is mine and you don't get to take it from me and then part of me went but what's mine why why do i need to stay here for what exactly and that was a big kind of aha moment you know i started thinking a lot about how little of something bad it can take just like a little bit of bacteria can give a body food poison just a little bit of exposure can give you ebola and kill you a little bit of poison in the well ruins.

The water tower one mosquito yeah can.

Kill you and so it became less about trying to create this equal system of metrics of what was good and what was bad and more about how big is the infection and will i survive it and the answer was no.

And so it seems like a lot of confidence though to be able to do that to be able to leave something with that much credibility or prestige or whatever it may be perceived and to be able to leave the way you did i'm curious and you just seem like a very confident passionate poised individual maybe you don't feel that way on the inside but you seem it whenever i'm around you and the way you write and your posts and just your the character that you play you always seem to be very confident and sure of yourself do you feel like it's always been that way i am.

Sure of right and wrong for us as a collective i am confident and poised and i am the most passionate person in the room when it comes to doing what is right for people when it's for me all of that goes out the window really oh yeah.

Do you think you're insecure when it comes to yourself or your you second.

Guess things i think i'm a human who has all the same fears and insecurities and and self doubt that anybody does there's this other assumption when we look through screens right where you're like oh all these people have it figured out they have success and so they they have no fear and they have no anxiety and it's like everybody gets up in the morning wishes they looked a little different than they look wishes they had a little more energy than they had wishes that like we all have garbage and i think the difference for me is that right and wrong for community for neighborhood for city for state for humanity is so clear what we all deserve is so clear this idea that there is no such thing as other people's children all the work you and i have done over the years for pencils of promise that's so clear that's true every kid deserves a shot and a chance that's just true truth for me is obvious but what's obvious is about this and all the doubt lives in what's about this really and so that's the journey is how do you how do you navigate it how do you work it and so the confidence that it's funny the way people perceive you versus how you feel right but the confidence that i think was observable in my decision to leave and the way that i left and the way that i've held very true to what happened and why it was unacceptable yeah those things are true but it's a larger truth what i went through as a woman in the workplace how could i go out and defend other women if i was tolerating it for myself not happening yeah you're out of integrity then there's no way so i left wow and you know the years of reporting and working and and asking for help and doing all the things and dotting my eyes and crossing my t's that i did behind the scenes weren't enough so i had to do something big enough to create a lasting change in the environment i was working in because the reality was that if i stayed they continued to go it's not that bad i mean she.

Comes to work right right right she's here yeah so she's all right and.

I i remember i had a day where i was literally i was so upset that you know when like devastation turns to anger as a defense mechanism because otherwise you're going to die and a puddle of tears on the floor i had that moment and i walked into my boss's office and my whole body was shaking like this and i could feel the lump in my throat but like what came out was like fire breathing dragon and i was so quiet because i was so angry and i just said i don't know what i have to do but i'm this close if i do i need to start flipping tables and throwing computer monitors through the window do i have to cause physical monetary damage to the set for you to do something about what's happening in those four walls because that's where i'm at like if you want the mariah carey breakdown on set it's coming it's coming and i was like y' all know like the like boxer in me i'm about i'm about to break everything wow and he was just like what do you mean and i was like what do you he's like what's wrong like i you know what's been happening for the last four years what do you mean what do i mean and he said well i know i know that you know there's been a lot wrong and he went on his whole thing he said but you always come in and you're so professional because you're professional and i was like because that's my job exactly my job is to come in here and be a professional that's my job and i'm really good at it that's why i'm a good leader and a good partner and a good cast mate and a good producer that is my job i advocate for my crew every day because it is what's right and it is my job and i take the responsibility seriously but just because i present as okay in my working environment where i have to do that doesn't mean this is okay and i don't know why all of the conversations we've had in these offices haven't communicated how not okay it is and i realized there was this weird thing where they sort of assumed if i kept showing up it wasn't really that bad and or if she were really that upset she wouldn't be able to work and it's like so i'm meant to damage my own integrity to prove to you what a problem this systemic issue on your set is nah never never gonna do that yeah never gonna do it but it was a big moment where i went i just don't have to i don't have to stay here to prove that i can anymore i'm good i think i've proved it i've proved it you've done a lot you know i've filmed over sixty thousand hours of television wow sixty thousand yeah when you consider you know sort of on the average of how many hours it takes to make an episode and making having made hundreds of episodes of television i've been on set making those shows for around sixty thousand hours maybe fifty five because when.

Was the first main series you were on what year was that so one tree hill was that yeah i don't.

Even know what year that was two thousand three for how long was it.

How long were you in that for.

Nine years nine years and here's the problem is that you so your seasons on a show go from when you start filming july through to the end of the following april so people will ask me what year did that happen and i go i don't know what year it was but it was season four so it was either this year or this year it's so my whole calendar is totally screwed up i have.

No idea how many shows in a.

Season that show we did depending on the season we did twenty two twenty three or twenty four episodes a year and we made on that show we made one hundred and eighty seven episodes.

Total yeah wow it's a lot of tv and then four years on the.

Last show right four years on that show and then a year on this really fun comedy called partners and yeah the last show was twenty three a.

Year also a lot of episodes you are a seasoned pro there's probably not many people who have done that many tv episodes yeah you're in like the one percent of one percent of people on tv that's a lot right i'm.

Assuming i don't i mean i don't.

Know there's probably not many people who've done that many episodes it's crazy it's.

Like malcolm gladwell right ten thousand hours.

Yeah you've done sixty thousand hours yeah.

Exactly yeah that's amazing that's what i.

Know when is it that you doubt.

Yourself the most then it depends on on the space do you doubt yourself.

In your profession ever or is it more personal relationships oh my god it.

Can be so scary i remember really yeah oh yeah it's terrible doesn't matter.

You'Ve done every emotion but it doesn't.

Matter it's always new and the thing about acting performing emoting there's no guarantee.

That what it'll land or that you're gonna hit it or that it's gonna.

Work that day really like no you know this idea that that people just cry on command like doesn't work like that for me and all cries aren't created equal place i have to be you know there's a sort of ephemeral nature to it you just never know if it's gonna work wow and that can be very scary and especially when there's something you really want look all of us have a scared eight year old inside of us all of us have the fourteen year old who like flunked that important test or whatever got.

Rejected by the girl yeah you know.

We'Ve all been broken hearted we've all broken hearts we've done the whole we've run the gamut so no matter what things are scary you know i just got asked to read for my favorite writer on a show and so that.

Brings up a level of nerves like.

Wanna just like i'm gonna throw up i don't know what i don't know how to do this like i got.

So scared you were like a beginner again oh my god terrified terrified and.

It was really funny because i was away with some friends two of my best friends are like one of my favorite couple aaron and lauren and aaron happens to be aaron paul like the legend of breaking bad i was with.

Them at a wedding last year they're.

The best and and we're having this conversation about creativity and i was saying how scared i was to read for this thing and he looked at me he goes but you're so good at your job and i went am i and he was like sophia and it was this moment where i was like okay i mean aaron thinks i'm good at my job i'm gonna be fine i'm gonna be fine am i gonna.

Be fine you had to get the.

Validation and you go into this like terrified place that never goes away and i remember reading this interview years ago that harrison ford did and he was saying i don't remember what movie he was doing but he was talking about getting to set and saying that every time he gets on set for the first day he looks around and goes this is gonna be the one this is gonna be the movie where everyone figures out i have no idea what i'm doing shut up and i'm never gonna get a job again and that's harrison ford wow hello like star wars royalty yeah and i went oh right it never goes away no matter how much you succeed you're always afraid and i think that when you make friends with that fear then it gets a little bit better what i started to do when i got this thing to read for this writer who i am obsessed with i went oh instead of letting the fear swallow me alive what if i looked at it and went oh cute that means you care cute.

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Lewis what if i started changing the relationship to the fear that doesn't mean i'm not afraid that doesn't mean i'm not terrified that i'm going to do something wrong but what it means is i can take it as a sign of emotional investment and i can wear that with pride but i still sixteen years into my career having made more tv than a lot of people care that much i still care like it's the first time wow so okay now the thing that felt debilitating feels kind of like a win i like i like that part of myself that i care that much i care that much about you about the world about advocacy and about my job that's pretty cool.

It'S pretty cool that's pretty cool you still love what you do so i'm.

Learning how to have a different emotional experience and that i think is is you know part of the cool thing about the journey when you do the work it is you listen to the podcast and you have the deep talks and you have the therapist and the whole you know like then then you your toolkit starts to look different what's.

Missing in your toolkit what's missing in my toolkit that would make you more empathetic or a better leader or better partner friend activist actress i think the.

Ability to really effectively manage time and say no more is what i'm missing.

Thank you for saying yes to come.

Here i'm here but that's a big thing for me it's very very difficult.

For me you say yes to a lot to a lot yeah to like.

Everything not everything you don't want to.

Let people down probably right i don't.

Want to let people down sure i i think now at this stage in my life it's a little less of that it's a little less about the people pleasing but for me the blessing and the curse of the way that my empathy works is that i see how interconnected every single system is i see that our liberation is all tied together i see that i want to advocate for women and that i need to sit at the feet of women of color to learn how to be the right kind of ally to that community that when i'm advocating for intersectional communities of women i have to invite men to the table and talk to men as my allies not as my enemies so that those men can turn around and help me and all of these women defeat the men who are the enemies like everything is connected and gun violence and health care in our political system and corruption in the political system and lobbying many things you can.

There'S only so many things you can fight for isn't that isn't it like one thing we're fighting for which is like just freedom and equality and opportunities.

And but if you don't get into the nuance then your your fight is not effective and so for me saying yes to a lot is because i understand the connection of a lot and i am having to learn how i want to design life going forward there are a lot of jobs i've said no to there are things i've turned down there are other avenues i've started exploring everyone is like you should have left your show and been right back on another show i didn't want to do it that way i'm really building a new thing for myself what are you building i'm building a lot what.

Is i'm building a lot tell me.

I'M excited about this but it is a thing where like on friday i'm sitting down with one of my best friends who has a very organizational brain i'm a visionary yeah and a storyteller and a planner and i can i can help solve for anything but it's the execution where i struggle operations yeah the ops are hard for me and so we're gonna sit down and get like clear special organized yeah on my life like whiteboards columns the whole thing and i'm excited about it but i think that some of that will help me build better and i also think that i have to be a little clearer on what's a yes and what's a no and that's that's that's an area where i struggle i created a.

List year ago with my business partner a yes and no list and it's changed the game for me okay so.

What what goes on for like my.

Business right like so but i'm curious.

How you start it was like it.

Was trying to organize everything and we're still adding to it it's like gosh i'm exhausted when i do these things so this is a no so whenever i try something new and it's like oh this is a yes so yes to like a certain speaking fee like i won't because i just get asked all the time to speak and you know some stuff i'll do absolutely free because i believe in it it's a friend of mine or whatever and then i used to just kind of like go in a range like okay i'll do it for this i'll do it for that but now it's like no here's my rate otherwise i'll do a few for free for friends and then otherwise it's a no as opposed to trying to negotiate so it's just like here's what i can here's my rate you can pay me this and if not sorry like i don't need it.

Because if you start going on a range you are not energetically being clear about what you're worth exactly and then you get met with things that are.

Unworthy exactly and then you're resenting it later and you're like why am i.

Here friendships that's in working partnerships it's not just it's really interesting starting to you know and i was one of those people when the secret came out i was like this book is so stupid but when you really when you.

There'S some power to it but when.

But when you really start looking at things like the law of attraction and more than just the law of attraction boundary setting huge the way you teach.

Them to and you get what you.

Tolerate with boundaries yes get what you tolerate god and that's it and so.

It'S same thing with the relationship with your pay all these things you're gonna.

Do what you tolerate and that was a big thing for me leaving the last gig is i was like kept.

Getting it because you were tolerating it until you said because i because i.

Was tolerating it either you change or.

I'M gonna leave yeah and you decided to leave because they weren't gonna change so now you have a new life you're not tolerating that anymore and i.

Wake up in my own bed it's amazing for the first time since i was twenty one gotta feel i live in my own house it's gonna be amazing it's amazing so nice so you.

Just wish you didn't have construction like i do right now i mean listen.

It'S like i'm game at least here.

In la it's consistent routine also my.

Contractor is one of my closest friends which is a real dream so lucky because my first contractor was a nightmare wow yeah no one of my friends was like i ever saw that guy on the street it would like take me a minute to not run him over i was like also i understand what you're saying but we just shouldn't even put the vibe out there i don't want any of it i don't want any of the like karmic weight.

Of wishing words are a powerful thing.

Yeah i was like i was like you know the people who who take advantage of people will get theirs in.

The end yeah exactly words are a powerful thing and i think it's also important i've done so much forgiveness over the last six years of my life it's really when i turned thirty when i went on a path and a journey of kind of working on this work of taking down my own mass of masculinity and not that i was always like the lovable fun joyful affectionate human until i felt triggered and then i was like it's not nice i was like what does that mean until i felt like someone was taking advantage of me like i feel like i was getting abused or because my trigger was like abuse i was sexually abused when i was a kid and i started to open up about it at thirty so it took me twenty five years to talk about it even say it because i didn't have anywhere to the story is i didn't feel like i had anywhere to go to to share with anyone and even just like putting my hand on like a buddy of mine they'd be like get off me fag gay what are you doing go wuss you pussy whatever they would just it's just like the language of you know where i grew up in ohio and i think a lot of places in the country where it's not acceptable for boys to be affectionate to other boys like put your arm around a teammate it's so detrimental so it's like you could never like just put your arm around a teammate and like give him a hug and so i had to put up this mask and this wall of like this tougher guy of like yeah get off me you know or whatever and don't talk like this and but it wasn't my natural.

State no it's like a sweater you.

Put on constantly fighting my natural state to try to feel connected loved appreciated whatever to feel like i could fit into a team a group a community a demographic something and in some ways like i mentioned before like it worked in some ways like i got results by being that way i was achieved athletic success financial success like i got the girl whatever like it worked to an extent until it was never really working because i was always alone inside and always hurting and always feeling like i'm not enough and lacking confidence and all these things and so when i finally went on the journey of like realizing wow something is something's not working like it's working out there but it's not working in here what do i need to do do and i started just open up about all the things i was most ashamed of which i didn't want anyone to know about because i was like if people really knew who i was they would not love.

Me but that's the lie pain tells you is that if you share it you think people will go whoa yeah but what happens when you share it is people go you too it's crazy.

It'S crazy isn't it yes i remember when i opened up about being sexually abused i was like i did it in a group setting around like forty or fifty people it was a workshop an emotional intelligence workshop that got me to finally open up because i was so down on myself going through a breakup and a business breakup and i was just like things aren't working that i was trying anything talking to therapists coaches mentors workshops and in this one workshop i opened up about sexual abuse and i ran out of the room because i was like i'm afraid to just see these people again i was like no one's gonna accept me and one of the most powerful things happened all the men in the room came out followed me about a few minutes later and they all just like put their hand on me and hugged me and they were like you're my hero this happened to me when i was eleven this happened to me when i was thirteen and it brought us closer like you said people like leaned in and i think when we start to open up about the things we're most ashamed of that's when we start to reveal ourselves and people can see the true us and they can love us for who we really are and if they're not willing to love us for that then they shouldn't be in our lives probably or there's work they can.

Do too that's so powerful yeah so glad you got to have that experience.

Yeah but it's been it's an ongoing process you know and i think a lot of men are starting to open up the one you know because i have these conversations on here all the time so the men that listen to this show they know they can't escape right i might trojan horse them with something they think they're gonna get but then they're hearing this conversation between us and they start to reflect oh how could change in my life yeah and that's what i want people to do.

And i think that that's such a big deal you know it when i left chicago i had spoken to the people that i work with you know my lawyers and my agents the people who i was like this is what's been going on i'm leaving this is when i first reported this is when i second reported this is who i went to this is who i went to who said they would do something who did nothing this is when i made it an hr issue this is.

When reported you had it documented i.

Mean years after hr this is when my one of my bosses sat me down and screamed at me and said do you know what the you've done to me not to the guy like just madness and and it was really interesting because i worked it out i got out i alluded to it with friends who were like what's going on you're quitting your job what's going on and i will never forget it took me another year to actually start telling people what happened the people close to me to tell them the story why well what i think it was and this is what i realized it was about a year later a group of my friends and i we put together this creatives retreat at a place called on site it's like an amazing was.

This with azita and no it was.

Another one no this was like me and my friend ruthie and my friend miles who runs on site kenny and jed and a whole bunch of people and we we put together a retreat for creatives who often don't have a safe space to share emotional stuff how many people showed up twenty five people wow for a week of experiential therapy actors artists and musicians and all kinds of great people photographers and that's pretty cool we took over this amazing retreat place and we went and after on site we spent a group of us spent a day in nashville together because it's outside of nashville we spent a day in nashville together before we flew home and i'll never forget i was sitting on the couch with my buddy kenny who's been one of my best friends for i mean i've been saying ten years probably for many years so longer and we were sharing some things and i finally detailed to him what i went through in chicago and he just sat there and listened with tears streaming down his face and i and i started crying and he was crying and i just like unloaded it and at the end of the conversation he grabbed my hand and he said not to make this about me but like why didn't you tell me i would have flown there i would have been there i would have come to work.

With you like your best friend one.

Of your best friends why didn't you ever tell me or any of us us and in that moment i was so clear because i'd been in this like very raw safe space for a week and we'd been doing all this work and and it came out of me like it came through me it came from inside of me it wasn't a thought it was just the truth and i said because if i had ever told any of you what was happening it would have made it true wow because i was in a place i was at work where everybody saw it happening and nobody cared or people were too scared to do something or whatever everybody made excuses everybody just needed to get the job done and so i was in a place that was rejecting my experience and if i had ever built a bridge between this reality and my friends at home who know the truth who know me who are my defenders my protectors who i am a defender of and a protector of if i had told any of those people if i had told my parents this like twilight zone would have been impossible to go back to right to be fully true now and to build that bridge to cross the chasm of this is the environment where in its complication bad bad behavior is tolerated to this is the environment where people tell you that never should you be subjected to said bad behavior to cross the ravine i don't i don't think i knew how to do that and i was physically removed from this and physically in this place oh my gosh and so there was no way you know the body when you're going through trauma does all kinds of crazy to protect you crazy stuff there was no way my body was going to allow for that revelation for that and it was really interesting i guess i share that only to say i know what you went through because when you finally say it it's like it's like every bone in your body gets broken and it also feels like a thousand pound weighted vest gets taken off freedom feels like freedom like you've been completely remade and you're free and it's crazy and it's been interesting because you know i quit at the end of april of whatever.

Twenty seventeen two years ago and then.

And then in july me too broke and harvey broke and the whole industry started chang and i was like well you guys got so lucky yeah right.

Before yeah but.

The the interesting thing about it was when i would see people go well why is this person telling their story now why is it's like because now is when they feel.

Safe that they can be free now.

Is when they need to get it out of their body the reason that people tell their stories two years and five years and ten years and twenty years later is because the story is like a tumor and the only way to cut it out is to speak it the only way to get it out of your body is to speak it and so you spoke it and you began to free yourself and isn't it interesting how many other people you freed it's crazy like the people who reached out to me and who by the way are still reaching out to me saying hey can i talk to you about this thing that happened to me can you give me advice on that it's a whole it's crazy it's.

Still the most downloaded link on my website wow like out of eight hundred something episodes when you first shared with your listeners yeah i shared it like five five and a half years ago or something and people find it shared every day we get messages essays from men who open up and women but from men who are like i listened to this and this happened to me and they share their whole stories and our team will read them and just like wow this is crazy well because it's one in four not to go on like sexual abuse stats but one one in four women have been sexually abused one in six men challenge i'm not saying like something's better or not but the challenge is there's never really been a place for men to feel safe to share and i believe one of my thesis is like when metoo was happening and still is happening but when it was first starting to happen i think that was around the same time as like the vegas shooting charlottesville wasn't all this happening like around the same time like in the same year yeah it was a crazy year crazy year all these shootings were happening these killings school stuff shootings i was just like the common denominator of a lot of these things were men who never were able to express themselves emotionally was a common denominator they had something that happened to them either a big trauma or a little traumas that happened over time but yet they never verbally communicated their pain or maybe they never felt heard and a lot of it was these these men who were just angry and i feel like they never were able to heal their heart and if men i believe were able to heal their heart there would be a lot less pain caused in the world but i feel like men don't feel safe i can relate in a sense because like when i would get angry i would want to fight someone i wasn't trying to like look for a gun but i'd be like i want to push someone i want to scream at someone i want to get find a guy in like roughhouse or something well.

And it's interesting because when you look at the compounding facts of that truth which is that men have been taught that all of their emotions except for anger are bad and not masculine so anger becomes outsized they're weak which is a huge problem and when you see a culture with outsized anger and rage in its men and then you look at a culture that has such systemic violence against the oppressed and you see those angry men then being radicalized like what's happening with white supremacy in our country no different than what happens with isis overseas like no different we are radicalizing people and turning them into insane vigilante and we are we are we are telling people that rather than the system that is oppressive to them and all people that it's the people who are the most oppressed in the system who are to blame for their anger and their oppression it's the most backwards crazy thing and you know you see it in the last week i mean with dayton with el paso with the four young men who've been arrested with essential like arsenals in their homes planning other mass shootings this week alone crazy it's crazy we have a problem and we we need such a readjustment of how we share and how we welcome.

Sharing it's the welcoming of it because if someone maybe these men have tried to say something at some point like i'm scared but they've just been shot down over and over by parents or peers or whatever it is again i'm not i'm not validating any of them i'm not saying anything they've done is okay but it's like if they had the ability to share i don't think they would make these do these acts i think they would be able to heal and they wouldn't have to be so tight and so angry to explode on other people this way that's just my personal thesis because i know the power of sharing and how much peace it brought me and freedom it brought.

Me did sharing your story help you diffuse that that short fuse anger yes.

Big time i mean listen i still am not a perfect human being i reacted i get angry at times and i react but i'm so quick to recognize okay i'm coming from a place of like a trigger of abuse or whatever this is not okay who do i want to be and i'm so much quicker i mean talk to tiffany just in four years of seeing me and like my team and my friends and everyone and i think we're all reactive at some level but that's why i have a routine where i work out in the morning i meditate i focus on just surrounding myself with a positive environment i remember my whole life i could never sleep at night it would take me about an hour two hours to fall asleep and i never knew why i was just like i guess i'm just thinking and wired and this is who i am after i shared i sleep within five ten minutes and i was always jealous of people who could fall asleep right away i was like how do you do that and now it's like i can pass out in five ten minutes every night yeah i just feel peace that's great it's crazy so i feel like if we could accept are you ready to finally hit your target nutrient levels every day meet groons the daily snack pack of gummies isn't just a multivitamin it's not just a green gummy and it's not just a prebiotic it's all of that rolled into one and then some at a fraction of the price and they taste great here's what makes them stand out while most multivitamins only cover seven to nine vitamins groons bring together over twenty vitamins and minerals plus more than sixty nutrient dense whole food ingredients and those ingredients are known to support things like gut health energy immunity recovery cognition and even beauty because it's in gummy form your body has an easier time absorbing it also we have packs in our studio and they've been a game changer for everyone in the studio we've run out so quickly no powders no handfuls of pills just a pack of tasty gummies and i'm fueling my body with the nutrients it needs use code greatness at groons co to save up to fifty two percent off your first order that's code greatness at gruns co for up to fifty two percent off this show is sponsored by betterhelp you know the holidays can feel a lot like balancing family expectations travel work and trying to make everything perfect it's easy to forget to take care of yourself in the middle of it all i've been there and what i've learned is that when you don't make space to slow down it's hard to actually enjoy the moments that matter most that's why betterhelp is encouraging you to rewrite your traditions this season by making time for you incorporating therapy into your routine can help you pause reflect stay grounded during what can be joyful but sometimes hectic or even lonely time of the year the holidays look different for everyone maybe it's baking your great aunt's sweet potato pie or maybe it's starting something new like a quiet night with friends therapy can be one of those new traditions too better help matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences and if it's not the right fit you can switch anytime this december start a new tradition by taking care of you our listeners get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com louis that's betterhelp dot com louis caring for men i don't know i don't have all the answers but i feel like that would help a lot well i.

Feel like if we offered men a space to share and also if we didn't denigrate women's sharing yeah because what's interesting is so many men don't feel like they can share but in your experience you did and it's been this wonderful experience for you yeah most men can't share most women when we share are denied squashed screamed at we're told that we're making false comments that we're exaggerating and so the irony is that for women we don't actually welcome it either we tolerate the conversation we're having me to this me too conversation has a single thing changed is harvey weinstein in jail does my abuser still have a job does every other abuser in hollywood still have a job does that guy on bull still have a job does it like it does it hasn't been substantive at all a few people.

Maybe don't have jobs but not everyone harvey doesn't have a job right sure.

But he's not in jail he's a rapist and he's not in jail like he's on tape assaulting women yeah and he's not in jail yeah it's crazy you know the evidence is overwhelming the evidence that the president is a racist yeah it's crazy is overwhelming for decades his corporation was taken to court in the seventies for being racist in its housing policies and people are like well i think he might be a little radical but i don't know if he's a radical why are we having this.

Conversation so how what needs to change in order for actual changes to happen.

Yes like why why are we in your opinion why are we in the we get into these circular conversations and people are terrified to act and that has to change we have to say no more of this and it's on every level i think the the disconnect from our reality who we're trying to be on the screen versus who we are in life is causing so much pain for so many people people that it's making us turn away from sane behavior i e the largest glacial melt in history just happened the sea is rising like scientists last week were freaking out i don't know if you watched the video like an entire glacier just melted and it's like a rushing river it's insane and they're like you don't understand this is going to raise the oceans of the world like the temperature.

Is going to get colder hotter happening.

And everything is crazy and all the fish are dying and like an article just came out that we are causing this this crazy toxic reaction in all of our pollinators bees butterflies all these insects are dying in droves in america because we are using formerly banned pesticides which the trump administration allowed to come back into circulation and like everything's about to die and people are like both sides to science it's like there's no both sides right two plus two equals four that's a fact science is a fact warming oceans are a fact climate change is a fact the extinction of bees fact but our disconnect from our truth is it seems to me on a larger sort of maybe more cerebral scale making us allergic to the truth and especially to hard truths so when we go oh we're now eleven years out from total climate devastation per the un global climate report again fact yeah we're just not gonna do anything we're all we're all like ostrich ing and sticking our heads in the sand and pretending that if we just leave it up to somebody else it's gonna be okay this is the time for a revolution to save the planet to save our people to save each other but i think the reason and there's all sorts of systems at play and dark money at play and i know i know and this is gonna sound woo woo but like give me a break i think the reason that we are ignoring the truth is because we can't tell the truth to ourselves about ourselves so how do we tell the truth about the world how do we make change on the scale and level we need to make it we have the ability we have all the money we have all the money for health care we have all the money for schools we have all the money to get rid of student lunch debt students kids should not be in debt for eating at school that just shouldn't happen here and we have the means to change it we're just not willing to be radical enough to change the system to make it work for everybody and this great irony that you know folks like you with a successful podcast or me someone who's been on tv like you know you said something earlier not ever gonna hate on you know a weekly paycheck from a show but i've also like never been on one of those big big hit shows like there's some people who make crazy money and even the people in my industry who make crazy money i'm like you get it honey all the way to the bank yeah i'm so proud of them but like the fact that any of us anyone in the world of like entertainment or media could be called the elite by the anonymous billionaire class by these people islands and airplanes and super yachts and who make billions a year just in interest on their money that they're saying you and i are out of touch and elite and i'm like do you know where i work i hang out on sets with drivers construction dudes camera guys the reason i'm an advocate for healthcare for all and unions is cause all my homies are union workers i don't do the private jets and the thing and the fact that the real elite control politics control environmental legislation that should scare us that should make us want to get right with ourselves so that we can go out and fight to get right with the world i believe that we have the power to do it but we have to look at systems and we can't look at systems unless we look at the.

Systems we live in yeah that's true it seems like there's so many things that are happening that need to change yeah it's a lot fireman politics masculinity all these different areas of the world right the bees everything's dying we're all you know there's a lot of different things we need to change how do we know what to take on first what is most important what gets the most money time attention well here's the.

Thing that i think is assist all these systems our world is connected like a body yeah there's so many systems in the human body and they all need each other to function and that's what the world is like and that's what advocacy is like and i know that it can sound intense but i actually i am on fire with the urgency but i am hopeful because i know people i know us i know what we're capable of i know how good we are i know that we can eradicate all of this darkness and i think that we have to remember that it's a relay race and we pass the baton to each other but we run as a team and so where does your sacred rage come from what to you feels like a sacred duty the thing that you would get up in the morning to fight for do that and if for you that's honeybees do that and if for you that's women's rights do that and if for you that's eradicating toxic masculinity do that and if for someone listening it's voter suppression in states like georgia attack that we need everybody to be all in on something not everybody has to do everything but we need everybody to be all in on something that's good so where does your sacred rage come from because that's a fire that doesn't ever run out yeah and then you're like i'm in for that fight i'm volunteering for that cause i'm showing up at that march and it will be the greatest thing you do that week every week forever focus on one thing.

That you care about the most it.

Takes all of us yeah that's true.

Because it can seem daunting to be like well i don't know even know what to do yeah i'm just trying to figure out how to pay my bills and you know take care of my family and i don't have time and i'm stressed it doesn't take that.

Much time it doesn't take as much time as everybody thinks it does can you give an hour a week can you give an afternoon on a sunday because for me you know i grew up in a multi faith household or multi faith family and that led me down the path of exploring all of these other religions and looking at through lines and looking at things and for me when people say like what's your house of worship nature what feels like church showing up so when i go to the city council meeting when i go to the march when i show up at the rally that to me that's divinity showing up for other people wow it's powerful and nature this planet like we should all worship at her feet and i think that if we could look at advocacy that way at this is this is sacred me showing up for this even if it's an hour on a sunday it's true or an hour on a saturday morning or a wednesday night town hall like just do something you're showing up even in a way that you might think is a little could be the ripple effect that shakes the world yeah and if.

Everyone shows up a little it'll start to make a ripple for sure i'm curious what's your opinion what's your thoughts about white men right now what should white men because i feel like there's a lot of attention about you know white men are doing a lot of bad things what can i do as a white man and other white men to be part of the solution as opposed to always in the headlines of like another white man shooting this another person another politician is white old man doing this hurting us so how can you know i try to do the.

Best i mean don't be mitch mcconnell.

That'S first okay but i mean it's like i almost feel like there's a target you know again my life's amazing right i'm not gonna say nothing i'm like privileged i work my butt off i feel very fortunate there's also like everything that i feel like i'm hearing from other kind of like successful white men they're like i feel like there's a target on my back i can't say anything off i can't do this i'm not saying like oh poor the white man or anything i'm just saying like what can we do to be more of a solution right so here's.

What i think is really important yeah i think it's really important that we learn how to create a little bit of distance between our personal identity and a system so for example i had a very in depth conversation with a friend of mine last night she's a fellow activist she's an advocate she's amazing we were at this group rally together last weekend and we decided to have a little deep dive and she is a woman of color and was asking me perspective questions over dinner last night about whiteness and about what it's like to be the advocate that i am and also to fall into the demographic of white women which overly voted someone like trump into office and thus voted against as a demographic our own interests i obviously didn't vote for him but you know nobody's shocked by that and so i was saying to her and we had talked about a lot of what you and i have touched on but she and i had the in depth detail conversation and she was very shaken by hearing about my experiences in the workplace as a woman in entertainment like very upset and i said so i'll use myself as the example i said i understand what a system of a white heteronormative patriarchy is doing to the world it has nothing for me as a white woman and it also isn't doing anything good for white men but i said i understand i have the privilege of exposure in the circles that i run in in the town halls that i sit in with the women that i work with with the good men that i work with with having such a beautifully intersectional community and a diverse community and a queer community and a straight community and you know the whole thing but like people who really care about looking at a system and i said there's a lot of people who've been in my position who look like me who haven't had exposure to to the intricacies of the system who might if they'd been through what i'd been through sit here and go i'm a survivor of this i've been through this i've lost family this way these are all the things i've seen this is all the trauma i've had you're going to tell me i have privilege and i understand that i understand how a person says i've dealt with all this super hard stuff what do you mean where's my privilege but the privilege that you might not even be aware you experience is based on this system that identifies you as being proximal to it yeah so i experience privilege as a white woman i experience oppression as a woman but i do not experience the level of oppression that my sisters of color experience and it doesn't harm me and it doesn't take away from my negative experiences or my possibilities or whatever my trauma or my success or my anything to acknowledge that and then to look at the system to look at the system that created even after abolition that created financial barriers for people of color that have had generational impacting lasting effects so when we're having modern day conversations about reparations and people are going what are you talking about we have nothing to do with slavery but you do because the system has built mechanisms to continue to oppress both financially in health care in in every single way these communities and you've never been oppressed that way yeah when people say well i've never been on welfare do you write off a percentage of your mortgage because if you do that's welfare you are benefiting from socialism that is not extended to people who don't look like you these are things that are really important for people to understand and so for you as a white male i think it's really important for you to say okay who am i what's my good what's my bad what do i believe is in integrity and where you say i've worked really hard and you have you've built all of this but you didn't have the barriers that a man who is black would have had trying to start a company you don't have the barriers that i as a female founder have trying to raise funding when a man can go in and this is proven study you can look it up with the same idea the same idea for a startup and the men get investment and the women don't same deck same everything so it doesn't hurt you to acknowledge that but what it can do is motivate you to pay forward your privilege you can say i didn't have a barrier to entry to financing i'm lucky okay what am i going to do with the profits my company makes who am i going to hire how am i going to advocate who am i going to invite to my conference what conversations am i going to have on my podcast how am i going to spend my privilege and i think if if more white men were thinking about that and more white men were willing to look at the system because by the way mitch mcconnell and all his old patriarchal supremacist bros who are doing what they're doing they're damaging the future for us yeah he's going to die yeah you and i are going to be alive and our kids are going to suffer we are starting to suffer what's going to happen to our children because of what's being done in this administration and in the last four years of stonewalling during obama's end of his administration like the impacts on our children will be catastrophic and i'm angry about that i see the impacts on the city of la from reagan eradicating mental health hospitals in america yeah i see it down there is a direct correlation and people are suffering and dying because somebody decided that americans were not worth supporting financially and that is wrong and if we start to look at generational effects of a system you can realize it isn't helping you either yes you have privilege because you have proximity to that power but it isn't helping you either what's going to happen to your children.

So what can i do as a white man besides all those i mean i feel like i'm doing the best i can every day to bring on people of different diversity and colors and backgrounds and opinions it's not just like the white man success show you know it's like who can i give a platform to to share their wisdom and experience and i'm sure there's many more things i could do sure i think.

It'S really important to start looking at how we vote for our community and not in our own interests because our own interests serve us in the short term and i really wish that more successful white men weren't voting for a tax bracket and were voting for their children's futures because you know what i can say you should be voting for me and the women in your lives access to things like birth control and women's reproductive care are men's issues too absolutely and a lot of men will be like well you know but i vote for this okay so stop doing that how would you vote for your kid what future do you want for.

Your kid i want the best for.

Them exactly so i need for men to start showing up and not just voting in the short term i need for white men to say i want to be the anti mitch mcconnell i want to be the anti donald trump figure out how you're going to do that who are you going to vote for who are you going to give money to are you going to give money to jamie who's running against mcconnell are you going to give money to stacey abrams abrams are you going to support initiatives in the city of la will you come to the next black lives matter meeting on a sunday night what are you going to do that takes you out of your comfort zone a little bit and puts you into not just understanding the system needs to change but actively changing it and people can't be single issue voters anymore you just can't you can't tell me that your taxes or or this thing that was told to you in whatever place you know you worship or you gather is more important than the lives of your fellow community members and i've heard white guys be like oh well you know look at all the lena waithe is running a tv empire things are changing i'm like what one one one amazing talented queer black executive producer means everything is solved for you no like the people who go well oprah's a billionaire i'm like honestly i can't have this conversation like no we need to look at how to make our society more equitable for everybody and we need to stop acting like the government saying we can't pay for health care but then giving a six hundred billion dollars surplus to the military makes any sense and by the way that money isn't going to our men and women in uniform who i care deeply for that money is going to like contracts for their rich bros at halliburton to make even more money and i'm over it and you you should be too and we have to start to vote that way we have to start to advocate that way i want white men in the world when they ask how can i make a change to start showing up to where the groups of black women organizers are working in their communities and following their lead that's what i.

Want i think that's powerful i'm very well connected in this community and i've never been invited nor do i know where to go you and i can.

Make a resource list i'll invite you.

To all the things so i think there's a lot of men who are probably like sure i'd love to but no one ever talks to me no one ever invites me to these things.

No one ever it's the season to come together over your holiday favorites at starbucks warm up with a creamy caramel brulee latte get festive with an iced gingerbread chai or share a velvety peppermint mocha together is the best place to be at starbucks.

A warm dinner a full table a peace of mind for every family that's the holiday we all wish for the feeding america network helps make it possible not just for one family but for communities everywhere because when we act together hope grows give now and your impact may be doubled visit feedingamerica dot org holiday tells me where to look at sure so i get it maybe they need to be it requires a bit of research yeah they need to be like yeah so what are the three accounts on instagram since everyone's there that people should follow to learn more about all this stuff that you're talking about either three people or like a cnn or just like a media account or word or three accounts that you think everyone should be following just to have a general basic knowledge of all the challenges that are happening and so that they can at least be semi educated i think that if.

You want to get educated on what's happening in communities of color and how to be a supportive ally follow sure but also follow brittany packnett brittany packnet brittany packnett is one of the most incredible women that i know and my teacher and my sister on all things pacnet i would follow moms demand action if you want to understand how to fight this crisis that we are having in our country and it is a cr what's going on with guns and i say this by the way i got my first gun when i was twelve like i'm a longtime gun owner yeah people are like oh you're one of those hollywood liberals who doesn't know anything and i'm like you want to go to the range with me because i promise i will you know i i had a conversation with david and a bunch of the parkland kids about how three days before that shooting i was at the range with my buddies that are green berets shooting ar fifteen s i don't need to take that gun home yeah nobody needs to take that gun home and if you need an ar or any kind of long gun to hunt you really need to get back and do more target practice because like homie you're bad at your hobby yeah yeah yeah come on like we all know that this is true so there needs to be a rational sense of what we're doing and mom's demand is like listen you want to talk about protecting your home fine you don't need an arsenal to do that this is not video games there is no zombie apocalypse coming and if we're really having a conversation about like well we're supposed to be able to defend ourselves against the military like can you get a predator drone on the internet because game over right like it's over we're we don't civilians will never have tanks or aircraft carriers or whatever stop we have to stop we have to get sane about the debate so follow mom's demand oh my gosh only three this is so hard.

You don't want to overwhelm people too much no i know give them a taste you know.

What i mean i know you're right i post a lot of news every day so they can follow you follow me and then i will point you to all the people to follow somebody actually just sent me the nicest comment and was like i follow all the accounts you post and i've learned so much and i thought great if i'm your central news source let's do this also i think now this is a really helpful organization for a lot of people because they take whatever issue is at hand and they break it down into a you know two to five minute video that really explains and gives you an overview and then you can go from there and follow all sorts of people so yeah those are good.

Accounts i'll check i'll check them out i'm already following you so and now this but brittany packard brittany packnet her.

Instagram handle is missing miss pack yeti m s p a c k e t t i oh no p a c k y e t t i sorry she used to be a teacher and her kids one of her students couldn't say pacnet and she would call her miss pack yeti and so it's been her instagram handle forever and it makes me like very irrationally emotional like it's not my child but i think it's very cute yeah she will awaken you to a lot of important things.

Hey and i i'm gonna make the call to women and people with any issues that they have a passion for to also start inviting people that they normally don't think would come yeah the people you think are against you may not be people that you're fighting against there's a probably a big group of people in that generalization that would be open to learning more yeah and i would challenge you you to because no one ever invites me to anything yeah and i'm advocating for stuff but if.

I may also yes we should be reaching out and what i would ask of you and so many of your listeners is text me and be like hey you're doing all this stuff i think it's really interesting can i come yeah because you're right i didn't think to text you but also i'm not.

Saying you're not going to text a hyper thousand men don't know no no.

But i think i think it's really important and i think you know anytime you are curious reach out to somebody and say can i join sure and the really amazing thing is you can tailor your social media life to help show you so you know as much as we all hate the instagram algorithm because it puts us in this vacuum of people who only think like us if you cultivate who you follow if you follow advocates activists groups your explore page will become more of those of.

Course yeah people are probably not even aware of it because they never see.

It yeah so we we can we can be our own teachers too but yeah we should we should invite we should ask to be invited because sometimes.

I feel like these at least the perception when you see people posting stuff online you see like the same people who are passionate about the cause together talking about it together to their audiences as opposed to like hey we want to invite you and like and not making people wrong i think that's one thing it's like welcome people and not make them wrong and really make it an experience because most people aren't gonna think about it right well they're not.

Gonna think about it yeah and that's one of the things when obviously you have your head and heart in the right place but when you ask me a question like what are white guys supposed to do it's why i try to get really clear on separating you louis the individual from the system because i need you to see the system i need you to see it i see it and then each each of us can see the ways in which we have either unconsciously or passively participated in it because we all have and then we can figure out how to undo it yeah because really what we should do is take all these building blocks and take a lot of them apart and build something newer and bigger.

And better for everybody we don't not one person wins unless we all win yeah you know it's about all of us so i believe that there's so much i want to ask you about your personal life not in terms of like relationships or stuff but i want to ask a few questions we've been going for a while and i want to respect your time but i'm curious.

About like i love a long conversation.

I'M curious who was the most influential person in your life growing up and what was that lesson that still sticks with you today that they taught you the lesson they taught you the most.

Influential person in my life growing up i mean my mom was incredibly incredibly influential which feels like an easy answer.

But i'll give you a what was.

The lesson she taught you she taught me so much about education its importance about independence you know and i think that her teaching and encouragement really were things that helped me strive you know not to not sit back to not be passive to not hold back just use your voice yeah and then truly two of my favorite teachers my english professor in high school peter goss absolutely helped shape my critical thinking mind and the way that i analyze language and the way that i feel things that i intake and then my favorite professor in college christopher smith at usc he's still in the communications department if you're lucky enough to be his student and you've ever sleep through one my of his classes just like imagine me smacking you on the back of the head and professor smith was the first person who really sat me down and said you you have a mind that is rare wow and the way that you analyze things has meaning and he said when you want to write your first book come talk to me and i was like what wow have you written.

The book yet no what are you.

Waiting for but we saw each other we bumped into each other liter in a restaurant in la last year and we both burst into tears and everybody was like what's going on so we've been we've been emailing and yeah we're gonna we're gonna get together soon and i'll probably ask him some questions about that but you know two two incredible influences in my life and who were people who championed my intellect and my empathy and perspective and taught me that those things were really valuable and as much obviously as my mom is probably the most influential person in my young life we all do this weird thing with the people who are close to us where you're like well you have to think that you have to say i'm smart or i'm this or i'm that because you're my mom or you're my best friend or whatever so when it's a person who doesn't owe it to you but who shows you that you earn it i think it's incredibly powerful and it's also not lost on me that these are two of the most influential men in my life and men who always made me feel safe wow and who have been incredible allies that's cool you know i i do try to be really conscientious when i have conversations about what women need and deserve to be thankful to the allies the male allies in my life because they matter and yeah these two guys were like like two of the best.

That'S cool yeah imagine it's your last day many years from now you're as old as you want to be you can pick the day the year whatever it is one hundred two hundred doesn't matter right what's the thing that you will regret the most having not done if it's your last day and you didn't do one thing i mean that's.

I want to have done the things.

Well imagine you're going to create it but what's the thing that if you didn't do you'd be like man that's my biggest regret that i didn't do this it could be small it could be a big thing it could be.

Anywhere in between that's so hard because i when i envision where i will be the things that matter are done.

So what's the thing that matters the most that if it wasn't done you'd regret that you didn't get it done.

Um it's sort of there's sort of a tie i think to me family is so important so if i having a family yeah and my family i mean and you know the family that i've built with my friends and you know the world's family yeah like the auntie that i am to so many of my friends kids and like my friend's little girl can't say my name yet and she calls me auntie antia and it like ruins me i'm like do you know that you're just saying aunt aunt like you're saying aunt in english and aunt in spanish and like my life is destroyed by the cuteness but what about family would you regret i just think that if i if i didn't if i didn't prioritize family for myself in the way that i prioritize it in my community that would be hard oh interesting but i plan to so not super worried about it and i think i think that if i didn't i'm like is it would i regret it if i didn't write the book probably probably would i regret it if in you know i feel like i don't feel like i've lived in years i feel like i've lived in phases seasons yeah yeah and so i'm in this phase that i really like but i think like two or three phases ahead i'll probably run for office just because i'll have made the shows and movies i want to make and told the stories i wanted to tell and worked in you know the administrations i've wanted to work in and i think eventually when when i'm on to making sure that my you know my next generations are doing what it is they want to do for their story and their world that it'll be time for me to take everything that i've learned and just be full time public service right that's powerful i think if i didn't do that it would be weird you'd be regretting it but you know i also don't know what our political system is going to become so maybe in you know twenty years i'll be like no no no no no i want no part of this or maybe they won't need me you know maybe we'll have done such good work in the next phase of the revolution that that you can be a.

Mom and do whatever you want we'll see exactly this question is called the three truths okay i asked this to everyone at the end so we're imagining it's our last day still yeah one hundred two hundred years from now whatever year you want to be your last physical day on earth yeah you've been in office you've written the book or books you've done every story you can imagine okay you've written them produced them acted whatever you've done it all okay you have no regrets okay you've moved the world the way you want to do it before you have no more regrets okay you've done it all that you've like set your mind out to do you've got the incredible family you've prioritized you've done it all yes you look back and you're like i have no regrets but for whatever reason this is you know hypothetical you've got to take everything with you so no one has access to any of the information that you've shared in the world anymore your books your content your videos your stories all the tv shows you did as a teenager all them gone right.

I mean i've worn some very wrong things on some red carpets i'd like some of those things to be accessible.

Those will be gone too okay great.

Everything'S gone some of these things could go i would be really happy everything's.

Gone so imagine it's all gone it's your last day and you have a piece of paper and a pen and you get to write down three things you know to be true about life that you would leave behind to the world to humanity as your final kind of three truths to the world these would be lessons that you learned that you want people to have kind of like your principles for all of us what would you say are your three.

Truths it takes every single one of us and every single one of us is worthy decisions are only made from two places love or fear so if you do the work to really break down where you're coming from make sure you're always coming from love and the thing i guess that i'd want to share again because you know yeah i'm sixteen years into like i was a kid in this business like everything i've ever said is on the internet and the thing that has resonated the most and been the most shaping for people that i wouldn't want to be lost is the thing i know to be the most true which is you are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously oh that's.

Good that's great that's the one i'd.

Want to leave.

Amen to that yeah so we don't have to be perfect all the time no i like it i don't think i've heard that one before i've heard that but i don't think i've heard that as a truth from anyone we've asked that last one.

That'S powerful that's that's my thing what.

Is it you wish more people knew about you that they don't know you're very you have a lot of information out there you're you're advocate about a lot of things but what's something you're maybe you're proud of that maybe people don't know about or something that a lot of people don't know.

I mean i think that but i really wish that working in the entertainment industry didn't bring my intellect into question all of the time because anybody who sits down with me goes oh wow yeah you analyze this not just an actor and this whole thing of like shut up and stick to acting i'm like stick to bank telling what do you do i don't know i wish there was just a little less kind of nastiness or reductive assumption made that would be nice yeah but i don't know i mean there's there's a lot that i do anonymously because i don't need people to know i don't need the credit i just really i really want to always be the best advocate i can be and help to call people in and do the work i've been asked to do by the people who i value who i value in my life and and i don't know i do just wish that in general women who take up space in the public sphere were respected for who they are rather than constantly attacked that would be really nice also i really wish people would use google and know that i am not related to the bush family my dad is an immigrant my mom is first gen american i was talking about a really upsetting thing a stat was published this week that the walton family profited fifty six point two billion dollars on walmart last year in twenty eighteen and that the american taxpayers ponied up six point two billion dollars in tax money to subsidize housing health care food stamps et cetera for walmart employees because they're not paid living wages and they're not given full health care benefits and i said this is a problem like can't you be happy with thirty billion instead of sixty i don't understand why are you not taking care of your people why do we allow this in this country there's a problem that the super wealthy are allowed to operate this way and like i mean and maybe they're all russian bots who knows but the number of people who were like hilarious like your dynasty family what do you know you're from a billionaire and i'm like no i'm not like i had to help my dad study for his citizenship test when i was twelve and at least if you want to insult me please know the truth know the facts do it with something that could be even in the realm of factual because like i've also been on tv for so long like maybe you should answer this question for yourself by now yeah you know just like silly things where i'm like we still have to have this debate like no i'm not i'm not related to that that's.

Funny final couple questions but i you've got a podcast coming out yeah tell me about the podcast is it more of this is it what is it.

It yeah it's more of this so so many people over the years have said do a column do a podcast do something take take the writing and the advocacy and and the ideas about you know self care and the journey and evolution and whatever into a bigger space because you know i write these essays on instagram but they're great that's only as long as it's allowed to be and i think for a while maybe i was a little intimidated to do that or or maybe a little stuck in like the imposter syndrome feedback loop or something but coming on so many great podcasts and then going and doing so many public speaking engagements i went oh this really resonates with people and that quote that i gave to you a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously has really resonated with people and it has traveled the world and it's it's taken on a life of its own and i thought so many of us are stuck in this space where we look through the screen and we think everybody else has it figured out everybody else is in the masterpiece and i don't know what i'm doing and i'm the one who's struggling and i thought you know we're all a work in progress and so that's the podcast it's called work in progress it is an interview series and it's and it's really frank obviously i know you're shocked sometimes it's very funny and it's professional and personal and a little historical with people and it's deep and it's sweet and it's political sometimes i know you're shocked again but not all the time and it really just has created a space to have thought provoking conversations to look at systems to look at justice to look at comedy with whitney cummings we were looking at sex robots like you know she was here too they're the same thing yeah like it's crazy and fun and i'm very i'm just very excited about it that's amazing.

And they can get it everywhere apple spotify yeah work in progress are you posting about it on instagram right now.

Too not yet we haven't announced it yet but when this comes out it'll.

Be out exactly so work in progress make sure you guys download it when this comes out go subscribe right now when you listen to this and send a a dm to sophia screenshot it let her know you're listening and share your thoughts yeah i would love that.

I love i love people's feedback you know last year i went on dax's podcast and we had a a great chat he's great and like the feedback from people people there's something about podcasts people are so open and frank and it was very special unfiltered yeah so.

I'M excited amazing i'm excited for you.

I'M excited to do it welcome to.

The community thank you the podcast i.

Know i finally was like oh finally did it all right and now i'm loving it and it's my favorite project.

I'Ve ever worked on it's amazing i'm excited for you we support you work in progress make sure to check it out follow sophia sophia bush everywhere before i ask the final question i want to acknowledge you one more time because i acknowledged you in the beginning but i don't know you that well and i feel like i got to know you a lot better now and i really love your heart and your intentions and again i want to just reiterate like you could be doing a lot of things just like looking for the bigger gig and putting up with certain things that you don't agree with because of the paycheck or because of the fame or credibility or whatever and i think it's really cool that you do what you do and you continue to stand for so many people who maybe don't have the opportunity to stand as high as you could in this moment and the fact that you care so deeply about humanity about the environment about these issues i think is really important and i think a lot of people can learn a lot from you and i'm inspired by you so i appreciate you i acknowledge you and thank you for all that you do for all of us it means a lot to so many so if you haven't heard it enough yet i really appreciate your heart and it's powerful yeah that means.

A lot of course i do really appreciate that of course yeah it's very it's very kind when someone offers you a a mirror in that way yeah and we don't we don't get to look in them all that often you know a lot of the world is overwhelming and stressful and intense and so i i appreciate like a graceful vulnerable.

Moment of course of course yeah final question what's your definition of greatness this.

Just a casual simple little question definition of greatness yikes your own personal definition integrity i think greatness requires that we show up and stand up and speak up because success accolades what like none of it really makes anybody happier i get that it makes your life easier and that's clear but what does it mean where does the purpose come from i think the purpose comes from standing with and for others and making sure that you're in your integrity and when you're not like you said earlier you gotta own it and know that it doesn't make you a bad person but know that you're capable of better absolutely and then try to do better that's.

It sophia you're the best thank you so much amazing appreciate it oh i hope you enjoyed this episode i love diving deep i love talking about the challenging topics i love getting uncomfortable and i'm so grateful for all the work and the inspiration that sophia brings to the world make sure to follow sophia over on instagram and share this on your instagram story tag her ophiabush tag myself lewis howes i'm sure she'd love to hear from you over on instagram stories and put the link of this podcast over there as well lewishouse dot com eight hundred fifty one or just take a screenshot of this right now on your apple podcast player on spotify wherever you're listening to this and share it on your instagram story on twitter on social media and text one from friend today you can be a champion you can be a hero in someone's life today if you send them this link and ask them what do you think about this what's your biggest takeaway engage with someone in your life where you can start a conversation where you can inspire them to grow with you keep your friends your family accountable that's what this is all about so share with one friend over a text or a whatsapp group message or any way you want to send them a message send them a message with this link and ask them their thoughts on this interview and send it to them saying hey i thought you would enjoy this as well if this is your first time here big thank you for being here every monday wednesday friday we bring you the most inspirational people in the world to teach you how to unlock your own greatness to learn the lessons to figure out how to overcome our challenges our insecurities insecurities our shame our our lack of understanding of the world and bring us a better understanding of ourselves to it if you enjoyed it leave a review over on apple podcast i don't care if you leave a one star review a five star review i just want to hear from you so leave a review click the subscribe button over on apple podcast and let me know what you think we're always trying to make this better i want to hear from you i want to hear from you on who you think we should have in the future we've got some amazing guests coming up i'm so excited for you to hear these guests but go ahead and send me a message over on instagram and if you have a direct connection to that individual someone who's in the top in the world of what they do someone who is an inspiration to millions of people someone that has information or a skill set that very very few people have i want to know who they are send me a direct message lewis howes over on instagram and if you have a direct connection to them just let me know because i would love to hear about who these people are again eleanor roosevelt said remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual you have an obligation to be one again you are a one of a kind you are a special gift that was brought to this world that was brought to humanity for a reason i hope you understand this and you were born with so much love in your heart so much purity love and kindness in your heart and we have a long way to go together you and me to learn more about this world to learn more about equality about humanity about how we can improve as an individual and as a community as a global citizen and i hope you continue learning every single week whether you're coming to the school of greatness podcast or you're learning from friends and checking out community events i hope you continue to grow i hope you continue to serve others serve your community and be of service to yourself and know that i love you i'm here for you i appreciate you so very much and you know what time it is it's time to go out there and do something great it introducing fidelity.

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