864 Compassion over Pity with Humble the Poet

This is five minute Friday.

This is five Minute Friday with Humble the Poet. In this special five Minute Friday, I've got my friend Humble the Poet on to talk about the power of limiting your self pity and the importance of becoming compassionate with yourself. He's also got a new book out Things no One Else Can Teach Us. It's out right now.

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And let's dive into this five minute Friday with Humble the Poet.

One of the reasons we connect with Lewis so well is because of his authenticity and the value he adds to our lives through his conversations with all these dope people, but as well as when he shares his own personal story. The more you get to know Lewis is, the more you realize he's gone through some stuff. Stuff. The thing is, going through stuff and challenges in life is the recipe for greatness. But the thing that holds us back from discovering that greatness through these challenges are plenty. And one of those things is self pity. We can't learn from our challenges if we're too busy feeling sorry for ourselves. And I learned this firsthand. I once spent a week in bed drowning in self pity. Sleep was my weapon of choice to deal with the pain, regret, stress and anxiety and the overall weight on my chest. I sometimes still use this as a coping mechanism, but only for an hour or two when I'm stressed out and I know that anything else is just going to make things worse. I give myself permission to do this because I noticed a pattern. If I let some time pass, things become easier to deal with. I show myself compassion and allow myself that time.

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I don't often tell anybody about my challenges because I feel like I'm going to fall into this trap of looking for pity and validation. I'm not sure whether it's right all the time to do this, but sometimes the difference between self pity and self compassion are way too subtle to notice. I'm not telling people that they should become these stone cold stoics who feel nothing. I'm just saying we need to learn to limit our self pity. The goal isn't to encourage you to fight your feelings, it's to help you determine whether your feelings are holding on to the steering wheel and are about to crash you into a park full of children. Too much. We're always facing an ongoing balancing act between giving ourselves a hug and a pat on the back and giving ourselves a kick in the butt. We can learn how to improve how we treat ourselves through our relationships with others. This took me a while to figure out because the moment I vowed no more self pity, I came out of the gate cold and apathetic towards others. Looking back, that was understandable and I slowly warmed back up to people. I needed the time. We all need time. So let's give ourselves that time. So in addition to limiting our self pity, let's work on feeding our self compassion. That can mean anything from taking a me day off from work to eating three extra ferro rochers to saying no to the next 10 people who ask you for a favor to walking away from an argument. Even if we know we're right because we can't afford to spend the energy, it can be hard to feel compassion towards adults. If someone is rude to us on the bus, we take it personally, rarely thinking about what got that person to their breaking point. So showing compassion for ourselves and compassion towards others goes hand in hand. Remember that inner child, the one that we all have, the one who knows the world only in reference to themselves and has to learn empathy. Even though they need discipline and teaching, they also need love. I try to see the inner trials in everyone, including myself. And when I need to muster up compassion in a challenging time, even if it's a one time occurrence, it's easier to let things slide off my back. If it becomes a pattern of behavior, then just like a child, the response has to be elevated so the behavior is not validated. That's the teacher in me talking. But it works. I'm showing myself compassion by not allowing myself to be in situations that drain me of my energy or my attention or my love or my time. I recommend you do this too, while being cautious not to throw a mask on your pity. We aren't victims of life, we are life. We have power over our efforts which gives us power to adjust our sales depending on which way things are blowing. Self pity serves as a barrier to those sales and sets us on a one way path downwards. Our problems may not be our fault, but they are definitely our responsibility. So ask yourself how well does excessive self pity and seeking pity from others help with that responsibility? The more we exercise our power to turn our days around, the more the more the tools to help us will find us. Champions have to feel like champions way before they ever raise their hand in that big victory. So remember that you're a champ and act like it.

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