924 Let Go of Toxic Relationships

This is five minute Friday. Welcome, everyone, to today's episode with the one, the only Mr. Chris Lee, who's back again to talk about how to let go and end toxic relationships with.

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So the first step is to identify if you're in a toxic relationship. so you need to be able to identify it.

How do you identify that if it's not 100 clear, if you're not like feeling sick every time you talk to this person?

Well, here's some of the factors or symptoms. Number one is you're feeling less than yourself with them.

You're feeling less than yourself?

Yeah. So you feel like you got to be someone you're not. So you feel like you're being the inauthentic you and you're agreeing with things that you don't agree with. You're going along with things that you don't want to go along with. you're letting yourself be controlled by the other person. Another factor that will have you identify and you'll be able to measure to see if you're in a toxic relationship is that you find yourself draining your life's energy when you're around them. You feel drained, you feel exhausted. And we talked about that earlier, but it's important that we highlight that you know energetically if someone is adding or subtracting from you. So this person is draining you and you feel less.

Right. Okay. So that's is that all in identifying it or the other ways?

It's all identifying it.

Okay.

Another way of identifying it is that you find yourself giving your power over to them. You feel weak around them. Okay. Another thing.

You don't feel worthy.

You don't feel worthy. Another factor is that you ignore your intuition when you're with them. In other words, you don't trust yourself. Also, these people make you feel like you can't do anything right. Everything is about them. It's all me and I. So every conversation ends up in me and I.

Sure. As opposed to we and creating a win-win.

Exactly. And another thing or the final thing I would say is not you don't feel like you're allowed to grow around them. Like when you're growing and you're accomplishing things. they start attacking you and judging you.

Man, I felt that. I've felt that before in a relationship where every time I achieved something that, like, a success or an achievement or got to another level of my business or had something to share, a former relationship of mine, she would get mad at me and frustrated and kind of, like, get sad or. And she would bring it back to what she's not doing.

Right.

And she would, like, get mad at me for something to try to bring me down to feeling, like, a her level or something.

Right.

And it was the worst feeling ever. It was just like, can't you be happy for me?

What happens is that these people are so empty and they're so insecure that when they see other people accomplishing things and other people growing and other people actually joyful, it upsets them. It's like those people that can't stand to see people happy. And so this person who's in your life is toxic because instead of celebrating your success, They're actually complaining about it.

So that's stage one.

That's the first step in terms of ending and transforming a toxic relationship. Identify it.

Identify it. Okay. And what if there's a lot of gray area? What if it's like, well, sometimes I feel like they bring me down once every couple of months. I feel like they'll attack me, but then they apologize and then they're always supportive the rest of the time. What if there's this, gray area or.

What a great question because that leads to the second step.

Awesome.

What is that?

Keep a record.

Oh, wow. Like a mental record or, like, take notes.

Wow. Take notes. You're in the relationship and take notes.

That's really interesting because I almost started doing this in my last relationship because I wanted to, like, remind her of, like, you know, four times last week you attacked me for these reasons.

Yeah. Keep a record. It's important that you keep a record of all the times that you have felt less than joyful around this person.

Wow.

And if you start identifying and seeing that the pages are filling rapidly, it lets you know because sometimes we forget and sometimes we're so involved in our lives that we don't realize, you know what? That's the fifth time this person has made me feel this way. That's the fifth time this person has broken their word to me or has accused me of something or has attacked me. And so by keeping a journal and keeping a record of this, you have it right in front of you.

Now, should you also keep a record of all the things they do well of them like empowering you or acknowledging you or is it more... Well, we're.

Talking about toxic relationships.

Yeah.

We're talking about, you know, the people that are in your life that are draining you and that you suspect that they are. Right.

So they're nine times out of ten when you accomplish something or if they're attacking you nine times and then they're once saying, oh, nice job, then you want to have that ratio flipped. Right.

You know, of course, of course. Yeah. But yeah, that's a good idea, too, in your relationships. You know, it's really not about keeping score. It's about being aware. Gotcha. Okay. You know, so that's the whole point of keeping a record. And you you would keep a record with people that you you know what?

I feel I feel drained around so and so. So then you keep a record then.

Yeah. You start tracking.

Yeah.

I'm not talking about all your relationships. There you are. are monitoring their every move. I'm talking about people that in general have you feel that they are taking.

More than they're giving. Something is off.

They're taking more than they're giving.

Okay, cool.

So this is something that I recommend.

Keep a record. I like that.

You like that?

I like that a lot because I thought about doing that before, but then I was like, is this lame or is this, would this be weird? But I actually think it's valuable for you personally to identify it so you can look back at it and be like, Here's all the things that happened over and over again in the last couple weeks. This isn't serving me.

Not at all. And this is taking too much of my energy and my time away.

Exactly.

There's no point of being in this relationship.

There's no benefit. Exactly.

Yeah. And then from that point, I think you can have a conversation with him and say, listen, I haven't been feeling comfortable and maybe you could coach me on this, but maybe say, I haven't been feeling comfortable over the last months or last couple weeks about the way.

We'Ve been the way you talk to me.

Yeah, the way I feel around you.

The way I feel around you.

And here are the things that have happened over the last couple of weeks. I want to create, you know, I want to bring this to the table because I really want us to transform this.

Absolutely.

And move this in a different place where we're supporting each other and loving each other, not judging each other, and then ask a request if they're committed to that, right?

Exactly. And that would be a way to transform the relationship if you see that there's possibilities in the relationship.

Yes.

And so, you know, communicating is very important. And we'll get to that. But I think it's important for you before you even get to that point of making a request, it's for you to see, am I in a toxic relationship?

Yes.

Because the first two steps really is about identifying.

That's cool.

And so you're identifying what are the prices that I'm paying for being in this relationship?

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