940 Love, INTIMACY and Relationships During Isolation with DeVon Franklin

This is episode number 940 with New York Times best selling author Devon Franklin.

Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Byron Katie said, my experience is that.

The teachers we need the most are the people we are living with right now. Oh, I love that. And right now is the perfect time to learn and grow the most, especially with the person you're spending the most time with. Now I don't know about you, but I've been living with my girlfriend for a few months now and just moving in had its challenges. It's been a beautiful experience and overall amazing. But man, did I need to learn patience, that I need to learn communication, did I need to learn all these different things? And both of us needed to learn a lot and even more so right now for couples, for people who are dating who, people who are in marriages, some of you might be going through very, very stressful times right now and I wanted to bring on someone who is an expert at this, who truly knows how to master relationships. His name is Devon Franklin and he is an award winning film and TV producer, New York Times bestselling author, international speaker, preacher and spiritual success coach. He's the president and CEO of Franklin Entertainment, best known for the films Miracle from Heaven, Heaven is for Real and New York Times best selling book the Weight, which he co wrote with his wife Megan Good. And with a commitment to uplifting the masses through entertainment, he has quickly become a force in the media as well as a leading authority on faith, spiritual wellness and personal development. And in this episode I asked him a lot of personal juicy questions about his own intimate relationship with his wife and advice for single people who may feel uncertain about relationships during social distancing. We talk about the importance of setting up individual and self care time while you're living with your partner, all the amazing lessons that he is currently learning right now that he still needs to master in his relationship. The importance of intent, clarity and flexibility in your relationships to grow and thrive, and the power of men staying committed to the well being of the women in their lives and so much more. This is going to be a powerful, juicy, lovable episode. Make sure to share it with a girlfriend, a guy friend, someone who you know is in a relationship who wants to thrive, or someone who's struggling in a relationship right now and needing some more guidance and support. Just send them the link lewishouse.com940 or copy and paste the link on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this and text a friend right now.

So without further ado, let's dive into.

This episode with the one, the only Devon Franklin.

The Kia Sportage Turbo Hybrid has a bold design, a spacious interior with 232 horsepower and a 12.3-inch panoramic display to keep the adventure going and fit with the way you live. And with SiriusXM, every drive comes alive, bringing you closer to the music, the sports, the talk and podcasts that you love right in your vehicle or on the Sirius XM app. Every SiriusXM equipped Kia Sportage Turbo Hybrid includes a three month trial so the experience begins the moment you drive. Learn more@kia.com sportage-hybrid Kia Movement that inspires.

This message is brought to you by Apple Card It's a great time to apply for an Apple Card you'll love earning unlimited daily cash on every purchase. That includes 3% daily cash when you buy the latest iPhone, AirPods and Apple Watch at Apple through this special referral offer. When you get a new Apple Card, you can earn bonus daily cash. To qualify you must apply at Apple Co getdailycash Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch offer may not be available elsewhere. Terms and limitations apply.

The School of Greatness is sponsored by Capital One. Nowadays, most people subscribe to everything music, tv, even dog food. And it rocks until you have to manage it all, which is where Capital One comes in. Capital One credit card holders can easily track, block or cancel reoccurring charges right from the Capital One mobile app at no additional cost. With one sign in, you can manage all your subscriptions all in one place. Learn more at Capital1.comsubscriptions Terms and Conditions apply. The School of Greatness is brought to you in partnership with Airbnb. The holidays are such a special time to travel and gather with loved ones. Think about some of your best trips, those cozy spaces, thoughtful touches and the feeling of being right at home wherever you are. Now imagine getting to provide that same experience for someone else because when you travel, your place is just sitting empty while you're away. Hosting on Airbnb can be a no brainer. And in a season where new experiences creating lasting memories, it's a unique way to help others make their own. And Martha I both travel a lot, especially with her family in Mexico and mine all over the usa. So we know what it's like to be on the go during the holidays. And from our experience, hosting has always been easy and straightforward. And whether you're traveling often or just once in a while, it can be a simple way to earn a little.

Extra while you're away.

Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com host the holidays are here and with them comes all the cheer and the spending. And I think we've all felt the pressure of finding the perfect day gift for the perfect price.

And those prices are sure giving us.

A run for our money.

You know how it goes.

One gift turns into 10. You're trying to stay on budget and before you know it you've spent half a day scrolling, comparing prices and wondering if you should have just gotten everyone gift cards. It can feel a little stressful trying to make it all feel special without breaking the bank. But luckily you can get the holiday savings at Metro with the most wonderful deal of the season. Get one line of 5G for only $25 a month and a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data.

The best part is that you can.

Keep the phone you love and keep your number and no activation fees. And that's what I'm talking about. A deal that actually lasts five years. Locked in. That's peace of mind right there at Metro. Get that more for your money feeling. Visit your local store today. $25 a month with autopay $30 your first month guarantee exclusions apply. C Site for details Cold mornings Holiday Plans this is when you need your wardrobe to just work stuff that looks sharp, feels good and you'll actually reach for quints. Makes gifting easy when everything's worth keeping for yourself. By partnering directly with trusted factories that maintain high standards for craftsmanship and and ethical practices, Quince cuts out the middlemen and markups. That means premium quality at half the cost of other high end brands so you can give luxury pieces without the luxury price tag. And it goes beyond their clothes. Quince also has incredible home and bedding options to make your home cozy this season. Martha and I have the European linen duvet cover set from Quince and let me tell you, the duvet set is so soft and high quality. We highly recommend get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quint. Don't wait. Go to quint.com Lewis for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com Le W I S free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com Lewis.

Welcome everyone, to School of Greatness. We've got the man Devon Franklin in the house. New York Times bestselling author, superstar, Hollywood producer and preacher of our times. Thank you, man, so much for being here. I appreciate it.

Oh, man, listen, thanks for having me. Listen, when you put up the bat signal, I'm gonna show up.

I love it, man. I love it. We connected, I think a few years ago when I had you on first, first time. And I think you've been on a couple times now. And we, you know, we live near each other and we've ran into each other on the streets and I've been to your office and seen how you impact so many people with your, I would call day job of Hollywood producer. But you're, your, your mission is really your service to inspire and impact people through your books about relationships, your book about how to be a better man in the world and your, your social media message of being an amazing servant of spirituality, of God, of healing, of faith, and of, of just living a better life. So I appreciate you for, for all that you do, the service you are to humanity and to all men and women out there in the world.

Oh, man. Thank you, my brother.

Of course, man.

Served, man. Hey, we all in this together.

Of course, man. And you know, people have been asking me, Louis, how do we handle these times right now with domestic violence we were talking about before being up? Because people who are in relationships that don't thrive already where they had an escape plan to go to work or to hang out with their friends, now they're being isolated with, with. It seems like relationships either thriving at an all time high or diving on an all time low because of the isolation. How do we as human beings in relationships stay connected and loving without literally trying to, like, hurt each other in these isolation times? Do you have any general feedback before I ask you about your personal relationship? Sure, sure.

You know, I think first and foremost, I mean, let's deal with the issue of domestic violence, which is really, really. It's just so upsetting to think that in a time like this, which should be bringing us together, that in some way bringing us more closer physically is causing harm to certain people who already were in an abusive situation. I would really encourage anyone, even if you're quarantined and you're in an abusive situation, to still seek the help you normally would if you were not. Critical. Critical, critical. Even though it may be challenging, it may require, you know, either them going to Stay with a friend or a family member or sorting something out, or maybe the authorities need to get involved, removing that element from the house, whatever has to be done. I'm a firm believer that just even with the quarantine or pandemic, that that should not be an excuse to stay in an abusive situation, as difficult and challenging as that may be. I think outside of that, you know, when it comes to relationships during this time, you know, one of the biggest challenges if you are in a relationship and. And it's two things. One, are you living together or are you not? And so both those scenarios come with different challenges. And I think if you're living together, or in my case, married, so you have a spouse. I think one of the biggest tips on how to navigate this time is to make sure that each of you have personal time and also get the expectations clear about how the days are supposed to be spent. Here's why I say that. Because if you're working from home, like the majority of us are, there could be an expectation that, oh, well, we're both home. It's going to be like a weekend day every day, every day for two months. We're going to be on the couch, you know, we're going to be watching movies, Netflix. And then, you know, if someone has to do work, that could be disruptive if those expectations are not set. So setting expectations about what is supposed to be expected every day for the relationship is important. The other thing is that each person still needs individual time, even if that's time to go walk around the block, even if that's time to say, hey, you know what, I'm going to be in one area of the apartment. Let's just say you can be in the other area apartment, so that there is some still individual time, even though there's more collective time than ever. Because even in a relationship, we each need our own time in order to bring something stronger and greater to the relationship. If I spend every single moment of every single day, you know, with my wife or vice versa, I don't know that I'm going to be bringing to her my best because I haven't had a chance to read. I haven't had a chance to fill myself up. You know, I like to get myself filled up through a number of different things so I have something to offer to the relationship. So I think these things are really critical expectations and having some personal time for each other.

What if you don't have a lot of space and cool, you're in a.

Studio apartment and on the Other side of the couch. I'm gonna be in the kitchen. You go be on the bed.

What do you think is a. You know, everyone's different, obviously, but what do you think in normal times when you can go out and go to work and have your friend time and be outside of the house? I guess. What do you think is a good proportion of time away from your partner in order to create the best time together? Or what's the best balance? Is it 50, 50 alone together? Is it 80% together, 20% alone? Obviously it's different for everyone. But what did you say is a general calculation?

That's a good question. See, I don't look at it as an actual calculation because every relationship is different. You know, Some could be 10% together, 90% apart and it works. Some could be 90% together and 10% apart and it doesn't work. Some could be 100% together and it doesn't work. Some COULD be 100% apart and it's great. Here's what I think it comes down to. I think it comes down to this idea of the expectation of the other person. Meaning if I am not, if I don't feel that I am responsible for my own happiness and my own well being and my partner is, I am going to be, it's going to be a problem. Because if I don't think that they're spending enough time with me for me to feel good or me to feel loved, because I may not feel good or may not feel loved unless this person is spending a certain amount of time. Time goes up and down, right? Life is difficult. Challenges. We get met with challenges every single day. I believe that when we have the most productive relationship is because we each take ownership of making sure that we're doing the things that keep us happy and keep us full. And if we do that, then hey, you know what? This week we, you know what? Hey, it could be 90, 10, 90% together, but 10%, I got to go on a trip. Or next week it could be 50, 50, or the week after that it could be something else. But because each one is not dependent on the other, it doesn't mean that the other person doesn't enhance. Right? Yes. The person that you love, when you are with that person, they absolutely can enhance your happiness and enhance your growth. But if I am dependent, or if you are dependent on your significant other for your happiness, this issue of time is going to be a major fight.

Never enough time. It's like, I need more and more. And the time you're with Me, you need to make me happy and don't make me angry, otherwise we're going to be in trouble.

But what you just said, this is. Man, if I could work on one phrase in the. In a relationship, you make me happy.

You make me. You make me angry.

Right, right. But see, that's the thing, man. You make me see what has happened is we. Then when anyone, anytime someone says that they outsource their own personal responsibility to someone else. So then if we wonder why we aren't happy, it's because our emotions go up and down because we've given someone else the control to control when we have, when we're happy, when we're not. It's like right here, you know, I got the remote control, right? If. If I want to watch what I want to watch, I'm going to hold on to the remote.

You're going to take control. There it is.

But. But if I give it to someone else, then I have to. I have to say, well, whatever they want to watch. But what if it's not what I want to watch? Well, it was my. It was my remote. I still gave it away. It doesn't mean that you both can't negotiate. Right. But what I'm not going to do is make that other person responsible. Because what happens is, if that person does not meet my level of acceptability in this area, then not only do I hold them responsible, but I judge them. And sometimes I misjudge their actions, saying, oh, you know what? Well, they must not love me. They must not care about me. They know that it's not true. Someone could love you more than anyone has ever. They just may be busy. And their busyness is not an indictment on whether or not they love you or they don't.

Yeah. Are you. How have you and your marriage. Has it shifted since you guys have been in quarantine? Has it gotten stronger? Are you feeling like, oh, here's some ways that we weren't as strong that now we're diving into? What are the lessons you've learned personally in your relationship?

Yeah, you know, I mean, what I've learned, you know, a lot of the things I mean, communication, setting expectations. I mean, you know, have you had.

To reset them personally? Have you had to.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Because.

But you guys are like the model relationship. You guys have it all figured out. You have.

No, no, no. The model relationship means we have problems, too. That's the model relationship, right? Hey, we're not perfect, man. We go through it just like everybody else. But here's here's how we were. How. We've been navigating it, Right. Because we're still in it. We've been navigating it through, you know, it's almost like a reset. Right. Because she's, you know, acting, and she was in New York prior to, you know, the virus hitting and everyone, you know, being, you know, working at home. So she was in New York shooting a TV show, and I've been here doing all the different things that I do.

So you had space and time.

So we had space and time. So we were, you know, she was on one coast. I'm on this coast doing what I had to do. We're checking in every day. We're FaceTiming every day, but we're not in the same physical space. And this has been the first time we've been in the same physical space for this amount of time in a very long time, probably since the beginning of our marriage. Wow. So to be. To be in the close proximity has actually been great, but we've had to. But, you know, because, you know, because she's an actress, there's not much she can do until this. Till her show starts again.

Yeah.

But because, you know, I'm. I'm an author, I'm a producer, I'm a. You're working, you know, I'm doing more work now. Preacher, all, dude. For real. So. So we've had her and I have had to have a bit of a level set to say, look, my love, like everything that's going on in the world, you know, there are things that. That are put within me that the world needs right now. So even though I know I've always been busy, this is different, because right now, there's a real need to keep people's spirits lifted, inspired, to keep people hopeful. That's the. I mean, if we give up hope, then we've lost. So she understands that there's a need. But I also try to do my best to still plug in during the day that I still sit up here in the office all day. I'll check in on her. Hey, how you doing? What do you need? Like, this morning, Here's a real small, simple thing. So, you know, look, I'm busy from sunup to Sunday.

You're going, man.

Right? I'm going. I'm going.

You got no time to check in with nobody.

But this morning, she was like. She got up and she made a comment about the trash. Oh, and, and, and, and, and my first reaction was, well, you know what I. I just said, I Said, okay, I acknowledge what she said, but my first reaction was, yo, I'm busy, I.

Got stuff to do.

Come on, trash, out.

Can't you just understand me?

Right? But, okay, but, but Louis, my brother, here's what I realized. For her that's important. For me, it's not about the trash. It's about acknowledging what's important to her. So if I had to push back a call for five minutes to go take out the trash so that she felt heard and the thing that was annoying her no longer annoyed her, it was worth the time period. It was worth it. So in a time like this, we've been negotiating and I've also tried to stay sensitive to what does she really need and do my best to fulfill it, with her also being understanding that there's a major demand on my time right now. So it does require her to be very understanding and very giving in that way. Because if she wasn't, it would probably create a lot of friction because this.

Is a new flow for you. Like you said, you've been married for what, seven years or something? How long?

Eight years in June.

Eight years. Yeah. And this is the most time you've spent together in one place in eight years. She's always acting, you're always working and traveling and busy. And what are some of the tools that you've used for the last eight years that you're still using now that are working this time? And what are new tools that you're having to learn and apply during this time as well?

Yeah, man. You know, some of the tools that we've used and we continue to use is, you know, one just, it's, it's having a general desire and commitment to the other's well being. This is, this is a principle that it can take shape in many different ways. But to have a macro genuine commitment to, to the other person's well being and to really in your heart of hearts, want to make life easier, want to make life, want to improve life, and really want to be a support system. So that is something that both of us have had. Now, it takes shape in different ways, depending on what's going on. But whenever we get into an argument or whenever we have a misunderstanding, we know that our heart is in the right place, our intention is good. So maintain, even though you may not.

Like what the person is saying right now, what they're doing, you know, overall, the intention wants to be a thriving relationship. You want the best other person, you care deeply.

Yes, yes. And that's critical. That's critical. Because without, without that. Because a lot of times there's a misunderstanding not just because of specifically what is being argued about, but because sometimes there's a misunderstanding of intent. Because under, underneath the argument is like, well, does this person intend to hurt me? Does this person intend to leave me? Does this person intend to disrespect me? There's all these things underneath the surface about intent. That's why it's important to be clear when our relationship, My intent is always good for you. Always. Always. So that has been a macro practice and tool that we've always used. Now, from a practical standpoint, what we have absolutely had to navigate, you know how this looks because, you know, there are seasons. Every relationship is seasonal. And it's, it's. Man, listen, if it's raining outside, right, and you go out in some swim trunks, all right, like, like you think it's going to be sunny, it's going to be a problem.

Yeah.

Or if it's sunny outside and you coming in with the rain boot, you going out with the rain boots and umbrella, it's going to be a problem. Why? Because in a relationship, sometimes we expect one season to always be the season.

You mean it's not always perfect? The perfect honeymoon season? The first year isn't every year after that?

You mean.

Oh, man, no, brother, wait till you do it. You're going to see what I'm talking about.

I'm in year two of a relationship. I just finished year one long distance. She moved in almost three months ago. And the first six weeks, I remember saying to her, in six months, we're gonna know if this is gonna be long term. Like probably forever or, you know, long term, whatever that looks like. Or.

Are you ready to finally hit your target? Nutrient levels every day meet groons. The daily snack pack of gummies isn't just a multivitamin. It's not just a green gummy, and it's not just a prebiotic. It's all of that rolled into one and then some at a fraction of the price. And they taste great. Here's what makes them stand out. While most multivitamins only cover 7 to 9 vitamins, groons bring together over 20 vitamins and minerals plus more than 60 nutrient dense whole food ingredients. And those ingredients are known to support things like gut, health, energy, immunity, recovery, cognition, and even beauty. Because it's in gummy form, your body has an easier time absorbing it. Also, we have packs in our studio.

And, and they've been a game changer for everyone in the studio.

We've run out so quickly. No powders, no handfuls of pills, just a pack of tasty gummies. And I'm fueling my body with the nutrients it needs. Use Code Greatness at Grunds Co to save up to 52% off your first order. That's Code Greatness. Gruns Co for up to 52% off.

The holidays are back at Starbucks. So share the season with a peppermint mocha, Starbucks signature espresso, velvety mocha and cool peppermint notes topped with whipped cream and dark chocolate curls together is the best place to be at Starbucks.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, the holidays can feel a lot like balancing family expectations, travel, work, and trying to make everything perfect. It's easy to forget to take care of yourself in the middle of it all. I've been there and what I've learned is that when you don't make space to slow down, it's hard to actually.

Enjoy the moments that matter Most.

That's why BetterHelp is encouraging you to rewrite your traditions this season by making time for you. Incorporating therapy into your routine can help you pause, reflect, stay grounded during what can be joyful but sometimes hectic or even lonely time of the year. The holidays look different for everyone. Maybe it's baking your great aunt sweet potato pie, or maybe it's starting something new like a quiet night with friends. Therapy can be one of those new traditions, too. Better Help matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime this December. Start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off@betterhelp.com Louis that's better. H E L P.com Louis See you later.

Go back to Mexico because she's from Mexico and we would kind of joke about it, but it was like everything was so perfect and amazing and no responsibility. And she had her things and I had my things.

Yeah.

And then we moved in. There was a level of expectation that was not communicated on both sides, that we had to learn quickly. The first six weeks was a crash course in communication and dealing with, you know, frustration and hurt and upset. And when I was like, did we make the right decision here? You know, there were some moments of moments of doubt, but it never shifted my commitment to saying, I'm all in on on you and our love, our connection and being here for you and being of service at the highest level. And if we don't work out, it's not going to be because a lack of commitment and efforts in communicating and loving this experience from my end, nor it's going to be your end. It's going to be because we weren't compatible or we didn't have the same values or whatever reason didn't work out. And I tell you what, going through those, you know, it was first move to a new country, new culture, new language, new relationship, then Corona and be isolated and not have your normal routine of gym and working out and all these things. Yeah, so we learned quickly. I'll tell you what, man, it made me. My old way of being would have been I don't have time to be patient. I don't have time for you not to understand me. I don't have, you know, how could you not see all that I'm doing for you that I'm giving? That's the old way of being. The new way has been I'm all in and committed. My intention is to make sure you feel safe, love and protected. And I think that commitment, that strong commitment that I have that I, I'm like, I'm all in and I'm willing to be as patient as possible even when I'm busier than ever. It's made it so amazing and smooth. Now I'm sure she's a passionate Latina, so I'm sure there's going to be some moments here and there, but it's been like the level, you know, we're less reactive, we're so loving and listening and okay, how can I give? And I think coming from that place of service and giving both of us, even when one is maybe busier than the other, has supported the overall relationship in a beautiful way. And it sounds like that's what you're doing as well.

Yeah, no, it's the same thing, man. You know, I think the latest tool, I mean we've had it, but it goes along with what you're saying. It's just flexibility. Yeah, man, I think that is just. Oh my goodness. And when we lock our relationships into this rigidity, we constrict the growth of the relationship. And I love what you're saying about being committed and also being more flexible than you've ever been. You know, being more open minded, being more giving. Me being, I mean, you know, and that's not easy, you know, when you have been single for a long time and you're a man and you're used to things the way you want them to be and then you invite someone else into your space.

Your space. Yeah, I Hear you, man. Well, you talk about, you talk about peace over panic a lot. How do we, how do we implement peace over panic? When all we feel is panic and stress and overwhelm and fear and uncertainty, it's really hard to shift. Just say, okay, this is a great concept and a great social media sound bite. But how do we implement peace into our life, into our relationship? When I can't stand to look at the person next to me right now, I can't overcome the fear of my financial stress, my physical stress, uncertainty of the future. How do we find moments of peace?

Yeah, well, you know, peace, I believe, fundamentally, when we have the most of it, it's when we have come into a revelation of what we can control and we are willing to submit to what we can. Right? Like that. That to me, acceptance, like, okay, you know, this is within my control. This is what, this is outside of my control. And I think specifically I'll talk overall and then I'll talk in relationship. So in a time like this, you know, panic means we give ourselves over to anxiety, right? So we watch the news, we give ourselves over to those headlines. We're looking at, you know, what's going on in social media and the challenges of this virus. And we look at potentially, you know, someone watching this may have already, you know, lost their job or been downsized or hours cut or needing to apply for unemployment, needing to apply for an SBA loan, needing to figure out how they're going to make ends meet. So for sure, looking at those elements or those variables sometimes emotionally produces panic. What am I going to do? But here's what I know. When we get into panic mode, when we get into worry mode, I don't know the benefit of being in that emotion. If we were to calculate what is the benefit that we get out of it, how much time we spend worrying, and what do we have to show for it?

What results do we have?

Yeah, what results? So no matter how dire the situation, when we get into panic mode, we end up obsessing over elements that are out of our control. So when I say peace over panic, I don't mean to be in denial about the panic. I don't want anybody to be in denial about how they feel, because I think anything we deny, we empower to destroy us. So I want, yes, I want anyone going through this to feel the panic. Yo, I'm panicking right now. I'm in anxiety about my future. I'm in anxiety about my present. Okay, so then how do you get peace over panic? Peace is saying, let me become incredibly committed to working within my control. So what can I control right now? Well, I don't have a job. Okay, great. I can control the resumes I put out right now. I can control looking for a job. I can control who I call inquiring for a job. I can control. You know, some things that I might need to clean up on my LinkedIn page. There's a lot that's within my control. I can call the unemployment office if I've been heard back, I can make sure the SBA has gotten my application. If I haven't heard back, if I don't have Medicare, I can go ahead and get an Obamacare that's still available to you. Like, there's a lot. When you really boil it down, how can I structure my days so that I can actually have more control and have peace? Because we're in a time now where everything is out of our control. Yes, we can. Social distance, and that's what most people are doing. But in terms of when the virus is going to subside, that's out of our control. The best we can do is do what we can and have peace about the rest. So when I talk about peace over panic, this is not some sort of mantra for denial. It's really a mantra for acceptance and also to be active. I do believe that if you and I sit in our rooms, apartments, houses, wherever you may be, all day in panic mode, we're. Our mental health is going to suffer, Our physical health is going to suffer, Our emotional health is going to suffer. So I know everyone watching this is going to go through different things. But one clear strategy to me is to focus on, here's what I can control. And then what happens is when I start to focus on those things I can control, it gives me more peace. It's like, oh, okay, all right. Yes, okay. I don't feel so hopeless or helpless. So important. Now, when you talk about that in a relationship, this is important because also, let's be honest, I've gotten a lot of inquiries, I'm sure you had, too, about a lot of people that are single, and this has hit them as a single person. Peace of panicking. Yeah, I'm alone.

I can't go on dates anymore. I'm texting everyone.

Right, right, right, right. So, but here's what's happening, though, and I'll hit relationships about peace over panic in a minute. With some of the singles out there in panic mode, what happens? They creep back to people.

Old relationships that don't support Them that they let go for a reason, for.

A reason, for a reason. They let go for a reason. But all of a sudden, in a moment of isolation or social distancing or a moment of feeling lonely, you text that person, you say, hey, how you doing? Just thinking about you, how you making it? And all of a sudden you start this emotional relationship again with somebody that you know isn't right for you. Don't do it under any other circumstance. You wouldn't go back. But that's what happens when we panic. When we panic, we treat things that are irrational as if they were rational. Panic changes our perception. So what we think normally would be, oh, I would never do that. Now you may think, oh, well, that's okay. So if you're single, one of the key ways to have peace is to say, I am who I am. I know I'm great. I. I'm going to make it through this. This is going to be fine. I'm not going to lose any time. Don't even give yourself over to that. And guess what? All these dating apps are still working, right? You could spend some more time evaluating.

You could build FaceTime relationships with people.

Yeah, yeah, right, right. And go on some FaceTime dates. You know, check them out, see what's going on, see how they, you know, they are. But don't allow yourself to think that this pandemic is going to be the obstacle to finding love. It won't. As a matter of fact, you're going to be able to see some things in some people that otherwise you wouldn't have been able to see. And you'll get clarity around that.

You know, it's interesting, I love that you say this, because it's easy for us to go back into old patterns, to create relief, to create some type of, I don't know, sense of love or connection or joy or whatever the feeling is. But, you know, it sounds cliche, but the obstacle in front of you is the greatest opportunity to find a better relationship, to find someone that might be a better match or true love, or whatever you want to call it. Because I tell you what, when I met my lady, we FaceTime every day for 30 days before I met her in person. And most of. And we spent, you know, the first day was 10 minutes on FaceTime, then it was 15:20, then you're on three hours, right? You're like, okay, I'm really connecting with this person over FaceTime to see if we have the same values, compatibility. Whereas in person, if I'd have met her on the first night. It's tough to keep my hands off of someone I'm attracted to, if, you know, I'm saying, especially if I don't have the right as a single man.

You know what I mean?

But when you're forced to have distance, oh, man. Then you get to learn, like, is this the right match because of their values? Is this the right. Are we more compatible as opposed to having a sexual chemistry in the first night or first three dates and kissing or leading into the bedroom? Whereas that would naturally progress into a pattern of the past, of getting into something without communicating about values or making sure that there's more than sexual chemistry, because you know that it's not just about. I mean, you spent a year, I think, without sex with your wife.

You wrote a whole book about weight.

And there's so much you gain by not diving into sex or that type of sexual intimacy right away. And you really learn, do I want to give this person more energy and more time? Or, okay, I spent a month on FaceTime. They're not the right fit for me right now. And this could be the greatest opportunity for you to find someone and connect with someone who could be a great life partner, lover, friend, all those things that you want out of a partnership as opposed to someone to bring you some comfort and sex right now.

Oh, man. Dude, listen, you're. Now. Now you're.

You're the preacher's turning, baby.

Let's go. I love it. I love it.

So that's why I think it's right there.

But on that message. See, this is. This is why I think this. This pandemic for dating can actually be really helpful to the point you just brought up. Because it. Because. Because a lot of times we. We. You know, listen, I was. I was celibate for a while before getting married and wrote a book called the Wait about the value of waiting until marriage. And I know that that's not everybody's practice or everyone's commitment, and that's okay. But here's what I do believe. I believe that in order to know who somebody is, you should wait as long as possible. Because a lot of times, sex is what is destroying your. Your. Your dating life. Because you're being. You're. You're being physical with someone you don't know. If you wouldn't give them the code to your phone, why would you share your body with them?

Oh, snap.

Think about it. In dating, you're sharing your body with someone you don't even trust enough to give them the code to your phone. But then you're going to give them your body.

Wow.

And then we want to know why dating isn't working is because we aren't taking time to evaluate who is this person? Where are they going? What are they about? Anyone can trick somebody in the bedroom. Anyone can turn somebody upside down in the bedroom. And then they think, oh, my goodness, that's not. That's infatuation.

Yeah.

Love is commitment. Love is saying, hey, I may not even be feeling you right now, but I'm not leaving you because I love you. I'm committed to you. Right. But so often in dating, we're tethering the relationship to the quality of the fake connection with sex. Now, when you have love, right? And that's love there, and then you have sex, that's a whole nother discussion. Yeah. But a lot of times, in my opinion, now, it's not every. This is just my opinion. When you put sex first and then you're trying to build that connection, it doesn't always work out that way. And so one of the things I think is critical during this period of time, to your point, is it's now these barriers are set up for those that are single to practice, you know, delayed gratification.

You're forced to wait.

They're forced to wait.

This is like, perfect for you. This is everything you've been saying. Now you're forced. You can't go see people. This is the greatest blessing and potentially your relationship or potential relationship for, For. For.

For sure. Because to your point, like what you said with. With your girl, which is amazing, your girlfriend, it's amazing that you all had time to learn each other. Do I like her? Do we have good conversation? Does she like me? Because when you're forced to go deep with somebody, then you understand what's there. Like if you, if you had sex, you know, first couple dates, you're not really worried about going deep.

I'm like, I got what.

I got what I want.

I got good. I'm good.

I don't need to go deep. Yeah.

But by the time. By the time the relationship requires there to be more depth, given the amount of time you spent, that's when a lot of relationships start to fray. Because, you know, a lot of guys are like, oh, well, I kind of got what I wanted. And the woman's like, well, no, I want more sometimes. And sometimes it's vice versa. Right. There are situations like that. But I think this pandemic time will do great for relationships because I really think, to your point, it will give Us give those that are single more time to evaluate, more time to talk and discuss. Because conversation, I've been married eight years. I can tell you right now, conversation and communication is the number one thing to me to evaluate if this person is meant for you or not. They can look good, they. They can hug good, kiss good, all these other things. They can have great, you know, a great pedigree, great family, great education. But if you all cannot communicate and your conversation is not good, I believe that, that that relationship is not going to be strong long term because you're.

Not having sex 24 hours a day.

But you're talking all day.

And what are you going to do with the time between that? You know what I mean? That's the thing.

Yes.

That's when I realized, you know, in my personal relationship, I feel like, so grateful because I can sit there and listen to my girlfriend talk and tell these crazy, funny stories that she has, and I'm just like, I enjoy my time with you, just connecting and just, you know, rubbing your hair and rubbing your back and holding your hand. And it doesn't have to be this sexual lusting experience all the time or whatever. And there's a place and time for that. But it's. Yeah, but it's like, man, I could go. I could go a long time with just being present with you because I appreciate you. I value. I love the way we connect and communicate and have fun and explore conversations and topics about life and God and what's happening in the world. I love your perspective and ideas on things.

Yeah.

Opposed to just. I love the way we, you know, get down in the bedroom type of.

Right.

It can only go so far. And I think that's a mistake a lot of people make. You know, I think, and I'm not saying this is wrong, if you have sex in the first day or whatever, that's. It's your choice, but only your choice. When women say, okay, let's go here, and then they have an expectation for men to be meeting them at and they don't get there. This is going to get women to really say, okay, you're right. Maybe I should take time and space for this and really evaluate when we go there. I'm not saying it needs to be, you know, months or year. It's like, just evaluate it more, and it's going to, you know, force men to really say, you know what? Now that I can't have this right now, I need to step more into being curious about this person and asking the right questions and showing that I'm curiously committed to wanting to date them in the future and not just trying to swindle them to have sex tonight and, you know, booty call stuff. So.

Absolutely. I mean, what you're hitting on is so good and it's so, so important getting those expectations clear because I do think that the way that, that dating has progressed, especially with the apps and whatnot and just the, you know, the damage that I mean, you know, you, you know your, your book, the Mask of Masculinity.

Yes.

You know, their society has done such damage to men, meaning most men, the way that they live, are living in such a way where they put out the expectation that if you're putting out great and if you're not, I'm moving on. Right. So then as a result, a lot of women feel the pressure that even if I want to get to know him, I have to put out as a condition of getting to know him. Right. It's a lot of pressure. But let's be honest, a lot of it's happening right now. And my hope is that as men, that men really begin to look in the mirror during this time. To your point, you can't go out there and get sex. So what's really driving you? And have you been, have you been allowing some women, leading them on when you don't mean any goodbye? Yeah, maybe this pandemic time.

I've been there in the past. I've been there in the past.

Hey, I was there before I got married, man. So I learned a lot. I learned a lot. But there was a time when I said, okay, you know what, I got to put away, I got to stop this because I'm not meeting these women any good. And I'm hoping that any man right now would look in the mirror and decide, who do I want to be? Have I been leading some women on? Am I just talking to some of them because I'm lonely, you know, or who do I want to be? And I think that in this period of time we got to, as men, we have. I love what you said. You know, it's like, yo, there may be times when, you know, things aren't the best. You, she may get on your nerves, but you're hanging in there, you're committed, you're committed. And my hope is that more men would be committed to the well being of the women, their life. And sometimes the well being is I gotta let you go because I was never serious and I don't want to do more harm. I don't want to do more.

That's a hard lesson that I've learned the hard way. And when you. When you let someone go because you know it's not the right fit you are doing when you don't let them go and you know it's not the right fit, you're doing a big disservice to the only the other person, but also to your life as well. Well, absolutely, because you're hurting yourself by saying, okay, I know this isn't right, but I'm going to just stick around a little longer. I'm going to try to do my best because I care about the person. I don't want to hurt them. That's one of the greatest disservices you can do to yourself, obviously the other person. But you're missing out on a relationship that is right for you or that's a better fit for you or that's more deeper, intimate love and connection, spiritual connection with the right person as opposed to, should I be in this and constantly questioning every day and every week, and I've been there a few times in the past, man, it's. It's wasted time. I don't want to say it's wasted time because you're going to learn, but, man, I would rather get out of it quicker when you know it's not the right fit.

But it's not the right fit. No, man. And the good news, I think, at a time like this is because, you know, everyone can't go anywhere now. You can't socialize normally, I think organically, you know, some of these relationships or dating ships are ending and coming to a head because the reality was there was not much there to begin with. And so, you know, I would also say to, you know, any woman who's single right now, you know, really evaluate the man that you were dating. You know, how does he check in? What's the quality of the situation? Do you want it more than he wants it? Don't put yourself in a situation where you feel like in that panic mode, that if you don't just take the little crumbs that are offered, then you're not going to get any at all. Peace may be. Hey, you know what? Listen, I'm going to take a step away. I'm really going to social distance myself because I'm tired of getting the little bit when you really want a full meal. You know what I mean?

These women are hungry. They want the full meal. Let's go.

Meal, you know, stop giving me these crumbs, right? But you know, how it is. You know, a man will keep giving crumbs. If that's what's accepted, it doesn't make it right.

Yeah, if he can eat the whole cookie, he'll give you a couple crumbs every now, man.

But I hold every man accountable. Even I hold every man accountable. Just because that may be the way things could be operating now, that doesn't mean every man should do it. Right to your point. Right. You have lived and you have come to an evolution where you say, you know, as a man, there's certain things I want to do. Even if I could do it, I don't want to do it. And I'm hoping that this pandemic will really create more self awareness, more introspection into men and women around this issue of dating. And one thing I do want to touch on real quick is in a relationship, choosing peace over panic. You know, if you're in a relationship, I think the way you choose peace is that you got to know that if you're in this pandemic and you're in it with your significant other, I believe it starts in the mind. You got to believe this is going to bring. This is going to bring us closer. It's not going to break us apart.

Yes. You have to create that intention and say you do every challenge, like you said, it's going to make us stronger and more fortified and it's going to build a foundation for our castle, empire.

Whatever you want to create. Yes. Because if we can make it through this, then on the other side of it, our relationship, our marriage is going to go to another level. So instead of focusing on the annoyances and, oh, I can't believe this, and the frustrations, I think it's a matter of looking at it, saying, okay, this is an opportunity to grow. This is an opportunity to communicate better. This is an opportunity to clarify. So instead of focusing on what's not working, try to flip it so you can see how it can be used to benefit the relationship, not to the detriment of it.

I love this. And how do you think we can increase intimacy in our relationship right now besides just having sex during this time? What are some things that both men and women or gay partners can do to. To cultivate more intimacy without sex?

Here's the number one question right now, to do that, what are you afraid of right now?

That is good, man.

Come on. Because here's what's happening. Everyone, everyone is human. And we all have some fears. Some fear. Some have more fears than others. But we all have Fear. But what happens is in a time like this, sometimes there's a temptation to want to be strong for your partner. So as a result, you don't really voice what's really going on on the inside. Yo, I'm scared. Like, man. I mean, I know I have a job now, but what if I don't when this is all over, you know, how are we going to make it? We had hopes to buy a house. We were supposed to do this. What are we going to do? You know, my mom, she's older. How is she going to be like, whatever the fear may be. If you want to get closer, talk about your fears in this season, be open and honest and say, I'll be honest. Here's what really scares me right now. Here's what I'm really worried about right now.

It's the season to come together over your holiday favorites at Starbucks. Warm up with a creamy caramel brulee latte, get festive with an oven iced gingerbread chai, or share a velvety peppermint mocha together is the best place to be at Starbucks.

A warm dinner, a full table, a peace of mind for every family. That's the holiday we all wish for. The Feeding America Network helps make it possible not just for one family, but for communities everywhere. Because when we act together, hope grows. Give now and your impact may be doubled. Visit feedingamerica.org holiday that's not a sign of weakness.

That's a sign of strength. And what happens is in that vulnerability, a stronger connection is built. Because you'd be surprised that maybe your partner, your significant other, is afraid of some of the same things or they have different fears that they've never expressed. It is okay in a time like this, be in touch with your fears. Don't, because here's what happens if we don't get in touch with that one question. What we find is that the relationship, when it could go deeper, it actually becomes more artificial because every interaction is just like, oh, well, what do you want to eat and what do you want to watch? And, you know, who are we going to zoom today? And let's go walk the dog or whatever those things are. And all those things are fine. But you find that what's really going on, you don't talk about and you don't have to even that your partner doesn't have to be equipped with a solution. But just to be able to get it off your chest in this time, I believe is the one thing that everyone can do which I believe will produce tremendous intimacy Outside of sex in.

This time, what has there been. That's powerful, and I love that. I think everyone should have those conversations today about asking, you know, and start. I think you. You create intimacy by starting with vulnerability first, not asking the other person, what are you afraid of? You tell me first, and then I'll tell you. It's by you leaning into that, Hey, I want to have a conversation about something I'm afraid of, and I wanted to have an open conversation about it and express myself and have any. And listen to you if you have any fears and figure out how we can come together during this. And I'm curious, have you had any fears that you shared with your wife or she had any with you that you guys have talked about?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've talked about a lot of fears. You know, I mean, we. We are. We have not started having children yet. We were planning on doing that later this year, but with the delays in her productions and. And obviously with the pandemic, it looks like that's going to be put off until next year. And so we've talked a lot about, you know, our fears, you know, around that. You know, around, you know, how we can navigate, you know, getting even closer to be the best parents that we can be and, you know, fears of, okay, you know, the strength of our marriage and how it can endure, child, you know, bringing a child into it and what our dynamic is going to be. So, man, yeah, we've had some really, I would say, very healthy conversations about fears, and they have been, at times difficult, other times not that difficult. But, you know, the good news is that even in a conversation that has been difficult, going back to that intention, we know our intention is good for one another. So we've been able to sort it out and talk it through in a way that has been positive.

I'll tell you what, anytime. I've had a lot of difficult conversations in the last three months with my girlfriend because of the nature of moving in and Corona and all these different changes that we're both having. And every time, I shy away from the difficult conversation, and. And there's a time and a place for, like, having space and coming back together, but every time that I don't want to talk about it, we don't come closer. And every time I'm like, okay, I'm going to be the Zen patient master today, and I'm going to ask every challenging thought and say everything that I need to say, even if it's painful or hurtful, when I lean into the difficult Conversation, that's when it's like this beautiful thing blossoms afterwards almost every time. It might take a couple hours, but it's like, okay, we both come to an understanding. We both appreciate and acknowledge the challenging things we needed to say. But, man, we came together stronger. And it's so. For me, I'll speak for myself. It's always been very hard to have the hard conversations, but Now I'm finally 37 and learn through a lot of pain and agony and mistakes. That. No, that's the. That's the beautiful juice. And the fruit of the relationship comes from those challenging conversations, from my personal experience. And the beauty that comes in afterwards is priceless, the peace you gain afterwards as opposed to the underlying, you know, stress of not having the conversation. For me, it's been amazing. And again, we're not. We're not perfect. We're still learning. And I'm sure there's going to be challenges.

Oh, man, you'll be learning from now until. But yes, but it does, man. It does. It's amazing, right? It's amazing that when you're. When you're able to communicate and when she's able to communicate, what that does to the relationship and how that builds that intimacy and brings you closer. Because even though we may not be verbally communicating, especially when you're sharing space with someone, you're always communicating. Always, always. So that whatever's bothering you, you're communicating it. So when you actually get a chance to verbalize it, it really, really, I think, you know, if you're verbalizing the right way can really help relationship.

I feel like. I feel like Devon, you're like the model husband and man. And I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure Megan would be like, yeah, but if you really knew him, he's not doing this right. So I understand we all have our, you know, our personal lives and experiences, but I'm curious. What is the thing you do every day in your relationship that you're really proud of, that you do as a. As a man and as a husband? What are the. Maybe it's a something you say. Maybe it's an act. Maybe it's something you don't do. But what's the thing you do every day that you're like, you know what? This makes me proud for the husband I am being that I aspire to be. Even though you're not perfect, but you're proud you do every single day. Could be small. Could be some big gesture. What do you?

Yeah, I mean, I think it's the little things, you know, I mean I'm, I always check in with her. I always say I love you. We pray every day together, you know, and I always check in with her, you know, what do you need? You know, what can I do for you? So even as the demands of the world for my time increase, especially in a time like this, I never want that to happen at the expense of her knowing that I'm still committed to her well being. So it's just those small things, you know, it's the small things. Hey, you know, what are you doing? How you doing? What do you need? You know, I love you. You know, like just those little things and it's really, and that's what it really, I mean what it's built on. I think any great relationship is just built on little things.

It's not these grand gestures every day, it's the little moments.

No, no, because I think anyone, anyone who is trying to do a grand gesture every day is going to get worn out.

It's exhausting.

It's exhausting. It's exhausting because then you get into performance mode, you know, oh my goodness, if I perform then I'll get the applause. If I get the, if I perform then, then they'll love me versus no, I'm just going to be, I'm just going to be and I'm going to stay connected, I'm going to stay committed and just in those little things that to me is what lays a strong foundation. And so for me, you know, again, I'm not perfect. But I think that she would probably agree I do those things right as well.

Imagine you've been married 50 years, 70 years, a long time and you get to look back and, and reflect on your way of being for those 50, 70, whatever plus years you guys are married and you look back, what would you be most proud of that you did consistently over decades? What is like the ultimate thing you could do as a husband, you think in the future for you to look back on and say I'm proud because I showed up in this way. And what would that look like for you?

Not allowing my, let me phrase it in a different way. A lot of times in my experience, in my perspective, I see that a lot of husbands seemingly demand the sacrifice of their wives own dreams for the support and pursuit of their own. So for me, I think I would be very proud of never putting that on the relationship to the degree where she felt like she couldn't become all she Wanted to be, because I was demanding her to be that for me at the expense of being it for her. My hope, as, you know, 50 years or whatever, that I would have have helped create an environment in our marriage where she feels 100% supported to be and do everything she's called to be and do, and never feel that she has to make the choice between becoming her best self, her full self, and being my wife and me never making her feel that that's a choice that she ever has to make. That to me, is something that I would look back on and pray that I would be living in such a way where, you know, 50 years from now, we could make. We could assess it, and this statement would hold true.

Yeah.

Because I see too many women give up their lives, their energy, their ideas, their purpose just to support. And I'm not saying just because supporting some men, you know, I get it, but what about. You can still support and still become. But in some, you know, marriages, from my perspective, sometimes that's not really supported. That idea is not supported. It's like, no, if I'm the man and I have a heavy schedule, I need you to do this or I need you to do that. You know, I feel like, as a man, I want to live in such a way where she is free and she can become and she can do. And she never looks back and says, well, if he hadn't wanted me to do this, you know, I could have done that. But he told me not. No, I don't want that. There may have maybe situations where she, on her own, says, you know what? I'm not gonna do that. Cause that's not good for my marriage. But I need. I want her to come to those decisions on her own. Not because I'm demanding that she become something different to be with me. That is something that I would like to see.

Yeah. That's powerful, man. I got a couple questions left for you before I ask them. I want to make sure everyone go. Supports you and follows you on social media because you've got so much more of this good content on your social media. You're. You're preaching every day. You're teaching about relationships. You're showing behind the scenes of things you guys are doing in your life. You're showing stuff from the Hollywood angle, movie angle. So make sure you guys check out Devon. How else? And get your books. How else can we support you before I ask a couple final questions?

Yeah, you know, look, I mean, I'm. I'm on Instagram and Facebook at Devon Franklin and Twitter. And, you know, I have a mentor mail group, you know, through my website, devonfranklin.com for men, for. No, no, mentor. Male men and women.

Got you.

Mentor. I thought you said you mentor males. That's what you said.

Mentor mail, mail.

That's cool. That's cool.

So, yeah, you know, people are, you know, signed up all around the world and I, you know, send out a week message to try to inspire and keep people informed.

That's cool. And where is that at your website, Website yet?

Devon franklin.com.

Okay. Yeah, definitely check that out. And do you do a texting message yet?

No, man. Are you on the texting?

Yeah, I'll get you. If you want to get set up.

With it, let me know.

I'm sure you got connection.

Yeah, no, it would be dope. I love.

It's big, man. Okay, this is a question for you. So make sure. First off, make sure you guys follow Devon because he's an inspiration and I love your. Your messages of spiritual connection that you have to the world and how you're constantly in service to all of us. You know, you're sharing your preaching from there, and I love that. And I wanted to lean into that type of content that you do for a moment. And I would like even for you to imagine a scenario that everyone in the world who is in an isolated setting right now, relationship of pain, they're with their partner, whether they're boyfriend, girlfriend, married, but they're in a painful relationship and they can't get out because of isolation. And I want you to imagine all those people are watching and listening right now. And you've got a minute, minute and a half to give a message. Four people who are in pain or in a relationship that feel like they're stuck, they're trapped, they can't get out. They don't know what to do. They don't know how to get out. They don't know how to communicate. They feel a shell themselves. What message? No pressure.

What message?

If they're all listening and watching you right now and you can share one message with them to lift them up or give them some peace, what would you share?

I would share that you got to find one good praise to help you navigate your pain. Here's what I mean by that. Pain can be so severe, especially when you're talking about the dynamic you just painted. When you're in something, you can't quite get out because you know where the pandemic is hit. And you can't go anywhere right now. You can't fix it. So you are in pain, right? So you may be with a partner who doesn't want to communicate, who's not trying to talk to a therapist. You can even do a zoom session. You may be with someone who just does not want to become better. And the moment that this is over, you've already made the decision. It's over, and you're leaving. But until then, you have to endure. So every moment is painful. The way to deal with pain, I believe, is praise. You got to find one thing that you are thankful for. One thing. That gratitude, that thankfulness, that praise. And so, you know, it could be a song, it could be an idea, it could be life, whatever it is, you got to find that, because that praise will help you navigate the pain. Because I am in pain. But you know what? I am still grateful. I am alive. I am here. You know what? I know what my plan is when I get out, when this is over. I already know my strategy, and I am just going to take it one moment at a time. That praise, that gratitude is what is going to help anyone listening right now navigate that pain. Because your pain can be so great that it wants to trick you into not being grateful, into not finding one thing. Wow. And. And so what you got to do is that you're. You're. You're. When you have a praise, like. So we're talking about a spiritual standpoint, like, you know, from the black church, right? So, you know, when we talk about praise. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Amen. You know, praise can be like a song or. Or like an affirmation or a script, scripture, you know, or a praise of God, like, God, thank you. Thank you. You know, getting that praise, if you're. If you don't share that experience, praise can still be a positive affirmation, something positive you're grateful for. When we choose that praise in the midst of our pain, you would be surprised at how it helps someone in that situation navigate the very pain that seems like it's going to destroy. Because it's really hard when we choose gratitude. It's really hard to be disgruntled and gracious at the same time. The moment we say, you know what? I'm grateful. I'm alive today. Yep. This relationship is terrible. But I'm alive. You know what? I'm alive. I got something to be thankful for. I got my praise right? You know what? I'm so glad that this virus hit because it revealed who I was actually living with. I didn't even know because we were too busy. We were running. Now I see. Oh, wow. We need some major help. And if we don't get major help, then, you know, we may have to separate. But I got the revelation. So as much pain as the revelation gave me, I got that praise because I'm thankful. Because there's nothing worse than to have been in a relationship that was false. Now you're getting the real. So this is what I would say. You got to get a praise to.

Combat your pain and have a sense of peace, knowing that the future will.

Bring peace, because you'll get out of it.

If that's the case, if it's not supposed to be, if it's not supposed to work out, you're going to have peace in the future once this is done, because you're going to end it and you've got clarity. I remember at the end of last year, 2019, I was. I was saying, and other people were saying that 2020 is the year of perfect vision. It's the year of clarity.

Yeah.

No one thought that when. When co. When Kobe died, when Corona happened.

Right.

2020 is a disaster. Can it be 2021 yet? But this is the time it's perfect for clearing out the mess, the distraction, and finding out what you want, getting clarity on your life, whether it be your intimate life, your career life, if you lost your job, maybe it's a time for you to reevaluate. What do I want in my career? What do I want in my family, my friendships? This is 2020 is the perfect timing to getting clarity. It may not be the way we wanted it to be. And sometimes, you know, I would assume that in the church, you would say, you know, sometimes, you know, God may not give you what you want, but he gives you what you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I come when you want him, but he's right on time.

There you go. You know what I'm saying? It's like, so.

Yeah, no, I love. I love what you just said, man. That's deep. I hadn't thought about it that way. That. This. That I've said 2020 is the year perfect vision, but I hadn't thought about, like, wow, we're seeing things more clearly than we probably ever have because we've had to stop.

Had to stop.

That's the thing. We've had to stop. That's what's been so amazing. Everyone has had to just stop for a minute and think and look and observe. And that right there clarifies a whole lot.

Devon, man, I appreciate your friendship, your wisdom, spiritual truths. I'm so grateful that you took the time to come on and serve this community and share this message. So many great tools. So thank you again man. I can't wait to see you and give you a big hug. Hopefully within a year if this thing passes sometime soon.

I look forward to it.

I appreciate it.

Better fast than a year.

Thanks man.

My brother, thank you as always.

I hope you enjoyed this episode as well. Much as I loved interviewing and connecting on all things relationships, love and dealing with uncertain times with my man Devon Franklin. If you enjoyed it, do me a favor and share this with one or two friends. Just text them this link right now lewishouse.com 940 or take a screenshot of this and post it on your Instagram story, Twitter, Facebook and share with your friends. You have the power to truly change someone's life today. Someone who's a friend of yours who might be going through some challenges in the relationship. Send them this free interview. Powerful resource to help them truly have some skills, have some knowledge, have some inspiration to build a stronger relationship and foundation with their loved one. And if this is your first time here, please subscribe to the School of Greatness podcast over on Apple Podcast and leave us a review.

We've got over 6,000 five star reviews.

Would love to hear from you on how this has helped you, how it supported you in your life and how it's improved your life in making it better. And I love this quote by Byron Katie. She is amazing. She's been on the episode before in the past. So make sure to check out Byron Katie on School of Greatness to truly be transformed there on your intimacy, your relationships and your healing. She said this quote, my experience is that the teachers were we need the most are the people we are living with right now. Ain't that the truth. I hope you're learning from the person you're with the most right now. I hope you're living passionately. I hope you're creating the space you need and also connecting intimately with them as well.

You are loved. You matter.

I hope this served you in a powerful way. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.

Hey there, it's Katie Nolan, host of Casuals, the sports podcast where we don't care how much you know about sports, we're just happy that you're here. Every week I hang out with some of my good friends to discuss the biggest stories across sports and entertainment. But in a way that's like fun and not boring. Want to know Sue Bird's favorite Diana Taurasi story? Or how heavy the Larry o' Brien trophy is? Or even what baseball team is right for you based on your moon sign we got you. Listen to Casuals every Tuesday and Thursday on the SiriusXM app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bye.

What if you could cover your gray hairs without damage with K18 molecular repair hair mask? You can have strong, soft, bouncy hair and keep your root tight touch ups because it doesn't just cover up damage, it's a deep damage. Fix patented K18 peptide repairs on the molecular level so no matter what you do to your hair, K18 will be there to fix the damage. Shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase with code podcast1.8hair.com that's code podcast1.8hair.Com is it time to reimagine your future? The right business skills may make a difference in your career. At Capella University, we offer a relevant education that's designed to focus on what you need to know in the business world. We'll teach professional skills to help you pursue your goals like business management, strategic planning, and effective communication, and you can apply these skills right away. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more@capella.edu hey everybody, it's Babs. You know, one thing that makes the holiday season so magical is the traditions we share year after year. And that's why I'm so excited to tell you about Birch Lane. Their classic furniture and festive decor is carefully crafted to bring joy to every seasonal celebration. Plus, it's delivered fast and free, so you can start spreading the holiday cheer. Shop my hand picked Birch Lane Collection and more classic styles@birchlane.com.