954 Build a Reputation with Yourself

This is Five Minute Friday. And Ed Mylett, if you don't know who he is, he's one of the premier business leaders, peak performance experts, and motivational speakers in the world. He has a passion for mentoring and coaching others on what it takes to become a champion in all areas of life.

First off, self-confident people. So how do we build self-confidence? Because that's what you're belief, okay? When I mean somebody self-confident, here's what I know about them. They've built a reputation with themselves, so they don't need to build a reputation.

With other people, okay?

So if you're really, what do you mean by that? They honor their own word? You got it. The key to self-confidence is really simple. I've trained hundreds of thousands of people. I've spoken to millions of people around the world. I could tell you this. The self-confident people I know, whether they are athletes, school teachers, mechanics, Parents, stay-at-home moms, you name it. They have a pattern of keeping promises they make to themselves. The groundwork of beginning to build self-confidence is to begin to keep the promises you make to you. And that's why it's important to begin to even make small promises. If you're gonna get up at a certain time in the morning, not only do it, but then give yourself credit. Say, I did what I said I was gonna do. If it's in your diet or your fitness, don't just eat the healthy foods. Go, I'm doing what I said I was going to do. You begin to build this reputation. If you're constantly being influenced and moved by what other people think about you, it means there's a deficiency in what you think about you. And so the key is not some esoteric belief system. It's a pattern of keeping the promises that you make to you. That's the groundwork of self-confidence for sure. And it is a pattern. When I meet people that lack confidence, I think, let me serve you. Let's begin to keep the promises you make to you. You're so worried about, there's this addiction to other people's approval in the world, right? It's the greatest addiction today. It used to be drugs. Before that it was alcohol. all these addictions, sex addictions, whatever. The number one addiction in the world today is the addiction to other people's approval. And that's because we don't approve of ourselves or we don't feel a spirit, a universe, a God that we believe in that approves of us. And so my confidence comes from both my faith and in the fact that I keep promises I make to myself.

That's the groundwork of all confidence to me.

Yeah.

How did you develop this sense of belief and confidence early on then when.

You were failing in the financial services? Yeah, it was, I had to separate from outcome. and so you weren't getting the results. Yeah. Everything for me initially was contingent upon outcomes and results. And I know there are people in our space that say, hey, get your money. You got to get this. You got to do that. And that's easy to say because they've already built tremendous self-confidence but most people watching that go, okay, but how do I do that? And so I had to start to take some solace, some confidence in the fact that I was behaving in a way requisite to eventually produce success. Right. And so I started to give myself credit. I started to work on my identity. I started to read the right books, listen to the right and for me it starts with my body. Like I couldn't control what other people would say to me, but I could control that I got up and worked out. I could control that I moved my body. There's something that we've both learned from Tony about just literally moving our bodies physically changes our state and like everybody hears that, but I actually do it. I really believe it's hard to get depressed. It's hard to not believe in yourself. I was at the gym today. I was watching this couple very odd dudes. They were just sort of really dancing and the first part of me was like judging them. Like these guys are so weird, you know, in public. But then I thought, you know what? that's not right. These guys are in a great, joyful, blissful state, right? These are not depressed guys. These are not guys lacking self-confidence. And so often the way we move our bodies can change that too. And so the answer for it was I started to keep the promises I made to me separated from outcome. There's, it's nothing wrong with having goals and outcomes, but if your outcomes and goals define you, whether you get them or you don't get them, you will have a hollow life. In other words, if you're defined by the goals you achieve, you actually get them and you think that's gonna make you happy and define you, you're gonna lose. And at the other hand, if you you constantly define yourself by the fact that you aren't achieving your goals and outcomes. You're going to lose both of obsessing over outcomes will lead to a pretty hollow existence. But if I can be from a place of my intent, my behaviors, I finally figured out my intentions are good. I'm a good dude. I'm a good person. And you know what? I'm trying to do good. I'm trying to improve my life. I'm trying to help people and I keep promises that I make to myself. Both of those things were the stimulus for me to be it, because I'm a naturally I think you're probably this way too. I'm a naturally incredibly insecure person. I think everybody has insecurities. I think I was dosed at birth with more of them than a normal person. I'm introverted, I'm shy. All of those things, I think growing up in a family that had some dysfunction just added to my insecurity. And so usually when you meet somebody who's incredibly confident, like the people would think you and I are, I always know they probably came from a further place. These are people who really had to work on themselves. I really had to do this stuff because I was so low on the totem pole in terms of self-esteem. I had to really figure out how to change this stuff. And what ends up happening is like any muscle you build, I built a pretty big muscle of self-confidence over time because I had to train it so badly. Yeah, over and over.