983 Overcoming Negative Self-Talk & Building Success Habits w/Olympic Gold Medalist Kerri Walsh Jennings

This is episode number 983 with Olympic gold medalist Carrie Walsh Jennings.

Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former.

Pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur.

And each week we bring you an.

Inspiring person or message to help you.

Discover how to unlock your inner greatness.

Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

Winston Churchill once said success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. And Venus Williams said just believe in yourself even if you don't pretend that you do and some point you will. My guest today is one of the most decorated American athletes of all time. Carrie Walsh Jennings has won three Olympic gold medals and one prize in beach volleyball as well as three world championship titles. She's a machine. She's also notched more career victories and earned more total money than any woman in history. And the Tokyo Olympics were actually supposed to start this week. Crazy.

I know.

I was supposed to be there and this is my favorite time every four years. And Carrie was aiming for redemption after finishing third in Rio in 2016. I was there to watch that performance. So it seemed like a perfect time to bring you this interview. We sat down for a wide ranging conversation back in early spring before we knew the full scope of the coronavirus pandemic. But Carrie's wisdom is incredibly relevant in this moment. And in this episode we discuss how to perform at your best in the most challenging moments, why Carrie still suffers negative self talk and what she does to overcome it. This blew my mind when she shared this. Why the process is is as important as the results. Super hard for a lot of us to deal with. How meditation is essential tool for the highest achievers and so much more. If you find this inspiring, if you want to make an impact in the world, then make sure to share this with someone who you think could be inspired by this as well. Just send them the link, lewishouse.com/983 or copy and paste the link on Apple Podcast or Spotify or wherever you're listening.

To this right now.

And a quick reminder, if you haven't yet subscribed, go to Apple podcast and click the subscribe button on the School of Greatness, as well as giving us a five star rating and review to help us spread the message of greatness to more people. Stay tuned for Olympic legend Carrie Walsh Jennings.

Are you ready to level up your business? Intuit QuickBooks has got your back. Forget stressing over unpaid invoices or tracking expenses. QuickBooks takes care of all that so you can focus on growing. Let QuickBooks be your all in one tool to help with the day to day tasks so you can stay focused on the big picture. Manage and grow your business all in one place. Intuit QuickBooks, your way to money.

Get 90% off for three months. Limited time only.

Terms and conditions apply. Money movement services are provided by Intuit Payments Inc.

Licensed as a money transmitter by the.

New York State Department of Financial Services. The School of Greatness is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance. As Amica says, Empathy is our best policy. That's why they'll go above and beyond to tailor your insurance coverage to best fit your needs. Whether you're on on the road, at home, or traveling along life's journey, their friendly and knowledgeable representatives will work with you to ensure you have the right coverage in place. Amika will provide you with peace of mind. Go to amika.com and get a quote today. Fuel your greatness with Wonderful Pistachios no Shells. Wonderful Pistachios is a great source of protein with zero guilt. Each 1-ounce serving has 6 grams of protein, giving you over 10% of your daily value. Pistachios are known for their protein power, fiber, and better-for-you unsaturated fats for combination that may help keep you feeling Fuller longer. And now there's a new way to snack strong with unsalted no shells holding the salt, not the flavor, for a snack that packs a protein punch. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more. If you've listened to the school of greatness podcast for a while, you know how important acceptance is when it comes to personal growth. And you know who else is big on acceptance? Discover. You see, discover is accepted at 99 of places that take credit cards Nationwide. That's a whole lot of places and a whole lot of acceptance, which is great for Discover, but even better for you. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report, learn more@discover.com/creditcard. Women's health affects more than women. In fact, research from the World Economic Forum and McKinsey suggests that closing the women's health gap could boost the global economy by $1 trillion annually by 2040. Join Dr. Jen Ashton and her guests as they examine the women's health gap through specific topics like maternal health, menopause, heart disease and more. Listen to the new season of the Visibility Gap, a podcast presented by Cigna Healthcare. When I got injured playing football, everything in my life changed. My dream disappeared overnight. I was broke, crashing on my sister's couch, stuck feeling sorry for myself. But then I made a choice. Stay stuck in that pain or adapt a no bull mindset and build something new. And that choice changed my life. The no bull mentality is what no bull is all about. Nobull is the footwear brand for those committed to getting stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally. Known for their award-winning shoes, Nobull continues to raise the bar with the All Day Ripstop. I am a huge fan of these. Engineered for versatility, the All Day Ripstop is designed to perform from early workouts to late nights and everything in between. With a soft foam midsole for comfort, targeted breathability, and a Ripstop upper for extreme durability, they keep me moving comfortably All day long, I am a huge fan of these shoes. No shortcuts, no excuses, just commitment. That's the no Bull mindset. Exclusively for our listeners, no Bull is offering 30% off your order. Visit nobullproject.com/greatness for 30% off your entire order. That's nobullproject.com/greatness for 30% off. Haven't you heard? The newest fashion trend is finding clothes that feel good and last. And that's where Quinte comes in. Their lightweight layers and high quality staples will become your new everyday essentials. Quinte has all the things you actually want to wear, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. Everything I have from Quinte is such good quality and it's so comfortable. And the best part, everything with Quinte is priced 50 to 80% less than what you'd find at similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the crazy markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com/Lewis for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q u I n c e.com slash Lewis to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash Lewis.

All right.

Welcome back everyone in the School of Greatest Podcast. We've got Carrie Walsh Jennings in the house. Super excited.

Oh, me too.

The icon. I've seen you play a number of times. I saw you in London. It was my first Olympics that I went to. And I told myself, and you were one of the only few sports that actually watched. I remember watching from the top in London. It was like a nice little venue.

Amazing venue.

It was cool. Yeah. And somehow, I think I connected with someone from Gatorade who had extra tickets, and I was in there, and I was watching you guys. It was amazing. I watched you in Rio as well.

You did? I was there in Rio.

Oh, a good game or a tough game?

Did we win or lose?

I was just looking at my phone before you got here because I thought I had videos of it, but I couldn't find it. So I have to go back.

Let's just say we won.

You won that game for sure. And that was amazing. And I remember going to London as my first Olympics to attend. And I was like, I can never miss an Olympics again.

Oh really?

It was amazing just to experience it.

I cannot wait to experience it as a spectator. 100%. Yes. I want more as a competitor. I want one more. But my goodness, they do such a great job.

It's unreal.

It's unreal. And then you just feel like you're.

Floating everywhere, 'cause the energy is so electric.

It's cool. But you don't get the experience out of all, do you? No. You just focus. I mean, you know how it is when you're competing. You're just like, I'm here to do one thing. And sightseeing and all that stuff is for later. But no, we're on a mission. Usually for volleyball, we go almost the whole two weeks of the Olympics, and we play every other night until the playoff rounds. So you're just like, the hardest thing in the world is to wait for your next match.

You have 24 hours plus, you're like.

Oh my gosh, when usually we play two or three matches a day, we're like rolling. You do one match and then you wait two days.

Yeah, exactly.

So it's a mental game. What are you doing in downtime? Man, well I have my children and my husband, so that's wonderful. But I find myself, it's really hard. Like I have not mastered that and I don't know if I can, you know, 'cause I wanna be with, like my kids didn't go to Rio cuz Zika, we were worried, but my husband went. But when I would be with him, I was so anxious and tense and it was just, it wasn't fair to him. You know, and it's like really hard to express, like I love you so much and I want to be with you, but I can't. You know, he's like, well you have two days. I'm like, I can't.

It's the two most important weeks of the four years for you.

I mean, I guess so. Ultimately, yeah.

In those two weeks, you should be so dialed in and focused. You need to be self-ish.

Yeah, well, yeah. And but I'm of the mindset where I just want to have so much fun and like, like I want to win with my people, like living life, you know, I'm obsessed. and I'm like intense and all these things, but I also want to have a flip side of that because that's just, I think that's possible and I have not done that yet. And so-- you- mean like having fun.

Being with your friends and dominating-- and your team and winning every game. And just like not all this pressure and stress.

Yeah, well, I don't even see it as pressure and stress. Like when you're, I'm in like a little vacuum when I go to the Olympics. You know, it's like, we don't stay in the village 'cause that energy is intense. We stay there for like two nights, before opening ceremonies and then we're like, peace out. Because some people are done the first day and they're just raging, drinking, and having sex. And then the next day, they're like, yeah, it's crazy. All those stories, I mean, can you imagine four years of just waiting? But yeah, so we kind of dissociate from that, but like, to me, it's just another tournament. Like, I kind of have the Hoosiers mindset where, you know, it's like the same court, all the measurements are the same. So, and it's so true. And then we don't watch TV. Usually we're in a foreign country, you know, and I don't really watch TV anyway. And so we just kind of go in your little cocoon, know what you want to do, but I just want to do it with a little bit more lightheartedness. Not hang out with my family all day and long before a night, you know, a match or whatever, but just.

Just some quality time.

More balance.

Now, I remember watching some interviews of you talk after you won the bronze. Yeah. And I'm sure people ask you, It.

Depends on the day you hit me. I'm like, what? What do you got?

I remember you talking about, maybe it was in Tom Billings interview or somewhere else, or maybe it was briefly after the Olympics were done, where you said it was like one of the greatest lessons for you. It was like your most happy medal. It was not happy, but it was like, you learned the most from it. You were like, I'm grateful we got this bronze.

Something like that. Yeah, well, we won the bronze, right? Like we won, like to go from like utter devastation, like literally, I'm not.

Getting into the gold.

Yeah, not even just that, 'cause I've lost so many times in my career, but it's like losing a certain way, you know, like not playing great. And it's, it was my fault. Like, that's how I framed that entire match. And so to miss out on this opportunity, not only my dream, but my partner's dream and our family and our team, like, that's how I framed everything. So the 24 hours, the less than 24 hours between the semifinal match loss and the time we played, I was a wreck. Like, such a zombie, just like, Literally walking circles.

Do you ever walk around like, what am I doing? Because you've never been in that position before.

Never. You always made the gold medal. There was so much shame and so much embarrassment and like, oh my God, this is crazy. But to get the opportunity to go and live another day, to fight another day, my husband at one point, he's like, you, got to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have another chance. This is so rad. Go and be an American and show that spirit. That's what America is made of. And I was like, dude, it's so right. I try to live with the Christmas spirit. spirit in me every day and the Olympic spirit in me every day. And losing the semifinal match was such a great opportunity for me to just like, I guess look in the mirror and be like, are you gonna practice what you preach right now? Suck it up, be a woman, pull your boots up and go get them, you know? Or are you gonna feel sorry for yourself?

--And lose the bronze. --Right, and lose the bronze.

--And go out in fourth place. --Dude, the worst. My first Olympics, we got fourth.

That's so hard. --Where was that? --In Indoor in Sydney 2000. Sydney, 2000. Oh, indoor. Indoor.

You did indoor Olympics. Yeah. I was finishing at Stanford and then, yeah, it took like a year off to do that. But we got fourth and we kind of overachieved. So it wasn't like, it wasn't that.

Much of a heartbreak.

You know, we got as far as we could go. Yeah. And we could have should have, but we didn't. And it was okay.

You know, I don't know. It was more okay.

I hate losing. When was it?

When you was that? That was 2000.

Yeah. So I was 22. This is 2020.

You've been in the Olympics for 20 years.

I know, I'm an old man. You're a machine. Yes, I'm gonna take that. Wow.

20 years in the Olympics.

Yeah, so that's five Olympics going for six. And I want six, so I wear four. My husband, oh my gosh, my husband was like, I'm like, babe, do you like my new necklace? So I wear this gold four. And he's like, yeah, what does it mean? I'm like, what?

I'm like, could you take one moment.

And think about it? Gold four, yeah, gold four. And he literally, exactly. This is what I want. And I like to, you know, rep myself in what I want. And this is, I just got this this weekend. It's a black figa, which is very popular in Brazil, but it's like empowerment and it's just like a sign of strength. And I was like, that's a sign. I'm gonna wear it.

And it's kind of black mom-ish.

It is. It's very black mom-ish. It's Kobe everywhere. I love that. But anyhow, it was an opportunity to, like, live by my values, you know, which is never quit, never say die, you know, step up to the challenge, and just give it my all. You know, and winning the bronze was the hardest thing ever mentally and emotionally. I remember that. Volleyball, I remember that. My God.

You were like crying, you were like excited, crying. You were doing your post interviews.

It was like, you're so happy.

I remember being so happy. I remember seeing you high five, like everyone around me.

Well, that's what I do.

But you were so excited.

We won the bronze. Oh, it's so fun. You know, and something that I really, really want to do on the way to qualifying for Tokyo, and then in Tokyo, like I don't want to feel relief after a win. I want to really feel like exactly. Exactly. Satisfaction. We did it. We knew we can do it and we're living in our greatest. You know, because after winning that bronze was total relief.

Because what if you'd gotten fourth?

Yeah, and it was just, yeah. And it was ugly. Like we won ugly. We did not play great volleyball, but we won. And I think it was like the perseverance and literally the American spirit. I believe that fueled us to win because that's something special, you know?

It is very special. What do you think would have happened if you got fourth in the last Olympics?

Would you still be competing or would you be... I have no doubt, you know, I think part of the reason, like I'm so confused why we got third, like I'm so confused about that whole semifinal match. Not that I always play perfectly or we always won, but like we were the best team in the world. Like we were playing amazing that tournament and there was everything felt great and it was just a night. Excuse my language. Beep that one. It's okay. But I really think I would have retired and I would have retired prematurely.

If you wanted gold?

If we wanted gold. And if we wanted fourth, I would have, it might have taken me longer perhaps to say I'm coming back, but no way, I just wasn't done. On the way back from Brazil, I think we left the next day, flying back and literally in the back of my book or the seat back, you know, pocket, they always clean it out the flight before, right? In the back of the pocket, there was a book you either win or you lose, but the losers cross out and it said, learn. That's the book there that someone left. I'm like, okay, God. Wow. Okay. I'll do it, you know? So I'm just, I'm still learning. And this, this quadrille, I kind of lived my life in four years, right? Which you can understand, but it's been really challenging, like really challenging, because it's like, Instead of being here, the alpha, like on top, winning consistently, like Brooke and my partner Brooke Sweat, who's incredible, we literally started at the bottom and we're making our way up. How do you start at the bottom? What do you mean? So I had, after Rio, I had a couple surgeries. You lose points. I had terrible finishes with my another partner, so you lose points, right? And then Brooke had surgeries, didn't have a great year, so we had no points. and you need entry points to get in tournaments. To get in tournaments. So we've had won gold medals in the past. 100%. Yeah, someone's like, let's just grandfather you and I'm like, you're crazy. I would be so insecure once I got there. You know, you need to be sharp and you need to be sharpened by the world competition, you know? So anyhow, it's been a crazy three years so far with Brooke and I, and I'm just ready for smooth sailing, you know? And for us just to take up our space. Like we're both so hard on ourselves. We just had a tough practice this morning and I'm like, why are we so mean to ourselves? Like we know how to play volleyball. We are both excellent. We are so good and yet we make one mistake and it like affects everything. We get quiet.

We like- why do you think you beat yourself up?

Man, just a bad habit. I don't know. I feel like my framework for so long in my life was like, just do it right and don't F up.

You know, and what if you mess up?

Then you fail, you know? And it's just, and I, my life, like, I was so, so supported, but there's a lot of excellence in my life and a lot of very high expectations and things that I'm so grateful for. But the flip side of that could be that you identify yourself with your victories, with your successes, you know, with your performance, and I certainly do that. I still do that. Really? And Rio helped me break through that a little bit. becoming a mommy, leaving the sport for a couple years, getting pregnant, having babies, made me show that I'm very irrelevant. The world moves on without you.

If you're not performing, if you're not winning and playing at the top level.

Or just, yeah, exactly. And so that kind of made me kind of own myself as a human. But the losing and the poor performances, I still have a tough time with that because I'm like, A, I'm better than this. And B, it's just that mental framework before as if you're not winning your Failing, like I need to shift that because it should have never worked. It worked for a long time, that fear of failure. It pissed me off, it motivated me, but now it makes me smaller and it doesn't serve me in a powerful way.

In what ways does it make you smaller? Like internally you feel smaller?

I just, I kind of live in the what if, instead of I'm doing this, like F you get out of my way, it's like I'm just, I'm kind of on my heels more instead of like stepping up. you know, like, I always want to be a hunter when I compete. And the mindset to me is everything because I work my ass off. Like, I'm so strong and I'm so physical, and I love training. The mental and the emotional side of it is so challenging. You know, it's as a, as an individual human, as a woman, and then with, combined with my partner, who his or her own amazing, you know, ecosystem of your emotion and all these things.

Life partner or your, your, but we're talking volleyball.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But you know, because It's like, and it's so cool in volleyball. Like, you know, I was thinking about this, in all of the world, it's such a unique sport because it's two on two, right? Like, you have doubles tennis, but you are solely responsible for that return or that hit. I set my partner up, she sets me up, so there's a whole nother dance element to it and connection element to it. So, I'm rambling, but it's really fun. It's what I love the most about the sport is that aspect of it, but also that I have to pull my weight. you know, we have to lean on each other but each be super autonomous and like capable of handling our you know what? So it's a beautiful sport.

What do you think is the biggest weakness you have mentally?

My self-talk.

Okay, so let me break this down. You're the best in the world.

I was. Okay, well you're arguing-- and it pisses me off to say that. I should just let you roll with that.

You're the best in the world. Just 'cause you took a third place Third four years ago in a tournament doesn't mean you're not the best still.

Ron James loses too.

I know but it's different.

He lost a couple weeks ago dude. Every time I play it's for a championship. Like every single time. Really?

Every time.

I mean you have a tournament, but like if you lose, you're out of the tournament, so there's another champion.

You know what I'm saying?

For that tournament championship.

It's not a season.

How many championships are there in a year? I mean there could be anywhere between between 10 and 20.

Okay.

I mean we've played season where there were 18 and we won all of them. All of them? I think Misty won and I won all of them. So, I've tasted that.

What have we been I guess in.

The last 12 months? We won one last year.

Out of how many?

Oof! And we played the most of anyone in the world. Over 15.

These are world championship tournaments, but not just like US World Tour events.

So, you're playing the best in the world.

So, you won one out of how many?

I won one over 15. We made maybe three finals, but I don't care. You know? So my, yeah, this talk, this is what I do.

So anyway, when you go into a practice, let's break it down. When you go into practice this morning, for example, just an everyday normal practice where you're going hard, you guys are practicing, I'm assuming you're practicing against men, right?

Like, who are two coaches?

Bigger, faster, stronger type of mentality.

Yeah, often. Yes.

And so normal practice happens and you don't do what you know you can do. You don't do what you're capable of. You miss the block, you whatever. I don't know the terminology perfectly, but you miss the certain stuff that happens. What do you say to yourself when you do something that's not perfect?

I mean, you're gonna need a couple beeps. Like what are you doing?

You'll say this internally.

Oh yeah, not often. I'm sorry kids. You're good, I'll say it. But yeah, it's kind of like, but it's not, It's not deep the way I say it or mean it, but death by a thousand paper cuts is a real thing. And there's fear behind that, and there's weakness behind that. And I think anything, everything is energy. So if that's like, I'm creating momentum with those thoughts and with that internal dialogue. And I need to stop it. And I need to be like, Carrie, you're on your way. This is a process. And so what I'm coming to learn, that I have to love the process. Like, I have to make the decision and then just be done with it, you know, because I. You don't. You only fail if you just frame it that way and I'm not gonna quit. You know, that's the ultimate failure to me. Or having a poopy attitude and, like, you know, like, ending on those terms, that would be quitting. But the process is a beautiful thing, and I love it. I just have forgotten that I love it.

Now, how often do you say positive things to yourself, or do you only speak positively internally when you do right.

You know, I don't know how to answer that. Yeah. Do you speak like do positive self-talk internally?

In my life, I do. Like, I'm a happy girl.

I mean, I practice. Look at the butterfly. Look great. You know, I don't know. You know, my. Our coaches do a good job. Be like, that's what good looks like. You know, that was great, Carrie. You're doing this good. And I tend to only hear the criticisms, so I don't even.

You don't hear that. It just goes in and out, and then you wait. But you can improve there. Yeah, exactly.

Wow. Exactly.

So you don't even say anything positive to yourself?

I mean, during matches, I for sure do. But not during practice. I'm better there. No, but I, and I so believe.

In practicing like I compete.

I've seen videos where you talk about that. No, no, no. You're like, just as intense in practice.

Well, yes, and now it's like I'm.

Too on this side of the spectrum.

Too intense, too aggro. I wonder if you, I mean, if you were this negative, I mean, to yourself, like, but maybe that's what's driving.

You to be successful.

I don't know.

No, it's not.

I wonder what it'd be like If you were not as busy for a week.

No, I know exactly.

Because you practiced it daily for a week.

I love it. So I listen to Abraham Hicks every day. Right? Love her, love them, law of attraction.

So what I'm doing now. I'm trying to interview her. Yeah, she'd be great.

She's like impossible, but if you have.

A connection to her, let me know.

I don't, but I'll try for you.

Yeah, yeah.

You could probably fill the whole building. No doubt.

Anyway, so go ahead, you try to listen to her. Oh my God, sorry. This episode is brought to you by Square. Your favorite neighborhood spots run on Square. and did you know Square can help you turn your small business idea into a big success? Yes, even that wild idea for Squirrel Fuel, your squirrel themed coffee bar. Square is so much more than just a point of sale for local businesses. What started as a little white card reader is now powering things behind the scenes, helping you manage finances, schedule staff and cover cash flow gaps. With Square, you could keep things at squirrel fuel running like clockwork, no caffeine needed. Well, except for your baristas and good luck finding ones willing to wear a squirrel costume. Square gets it. Local businesses can be big business, yet with growth comes complexity. But whether you're expanding to new locations or building your loyal following, Square meets you at every opportunity. Square helps you handle today and dream bigger for tomorrow. Go to square.com/go/greatness to learn more. That's s-q-u-a-r-e.com slash G-O slash G-R-E-A-T N-E-S-S. Square meet you there. You ever walk out of the grocery store or fill up your tank and just think, how is everything this expensive? Feels like prices are going up everywhere and how great would it be if just once something actually just went down in price? Well, at Metro that's exactly what's happening. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five-year price guarantee on talk, text, and data. One line, Now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered. Oh, and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store. Visit metrobyt-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number, not available if currently at T-Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guaranty covers monthly price of on-network talk, text, and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply. Details at metrobyt-mobil.com.

Explore the world's hidden wonders on the Atlas Obscura podcast, a village in India where everyone's name is a song, a boiling river in the Amazon, a spacecraft cemetery in the middle of the ocean. Every day, the Atlas Obscura podcast will blow your mind in 15 minutes. You can find it on the SiriusXM app, Pandora, or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

I just visualize that I would like to be there. Thank you. So she tells you, if you're in a funk, she's like, A, don't talk about it. which I'm obviously talking about it. And she's like, B, just like write down lists of the positive aspects. You know, what's going good with the phone? With no with my game. Okay. With the day, with my relationship with my husband, with you, with my partner. You know, like just focus on the good is the bottom line. Because again, every thought is momentum in one direction or the other. And I swear to you, I live my life that way for some reason. Well, not in practice. Not lately. I know, and it's driving me crazy. And it's such a disservice to my team. Like, I'm being a selfish athlete right now. And it's almost like, I don't know, I mean, you're a man, I don't know if you get this, but like, I, you know, when women are on their periods and they're just like so hormonal and like, I have these moments where like, I'm being an a-hole and I can't help it. I'm just gonna run with it. Like, I know I'm doing this, but it's like almost like it has control over me. Really? And I think it's just like, there's fear, like, I want what I want so bad. The fear of what? Of not qualifying, of not being the greatest ever, like, of not achieving this dream of 4G, you know, like, yeah. But mostly not doing it the right way. Like, I can lose. I can totally lose. I just, I fear losing the wrong way.

What's the wrong way? Like, are you not trying, you mean?

No, that would never, ever happen.

So what's the wrong way of losing?

I don't know.

What's this fear?

I guess not winning. It's just the fear of losing.

I have a fear of losing. Not qualifying, getting a silver or bronze or not a medal at all. What would happen if you didn't qualify or if you didn't get the gold medal? All good.

I mean, I would be so bummed and it would fuel me in other areas. And I'd be like, yeah, it'd always be something, a pebble in my shoe. But I've lived my worst nightmares. I've lived it. You know, I've lost on the world stage. I've almost lost my marriage. Like I've lived hell on earth, my personal hell on earth. You know, to other people, they're like, that's nothing.

Which is totally valid. Your own personal experience is still traumatic.

And challenging in its own way.

Totally.

Even if you've won three gold medals. Exactly. Call me greed. I don't care. But I've lived really, really hard things in my life.

--What'S the hardest moment you've been through?

In my career?

In your life?

In my life. Oh man. Well, losing loved ones, obviously that takes a cake. We've had a lot of loss in our family. But our faith is so big and it's just that, thank goodness. But almost losing my marriage. Like the hardest, the craziest thing that I felt like I had no control over. So the only... How did you almost lose it? By losing sight of it. Like being so focused on my career, taking for granted that my husband was right there with me and not putting in the effort, you know, and realizing too late.

Really? Was it after you had kids?

We, I was pregnant with our first and he's like...

He was saying peace out already?

I'm gonna have a kid. I was a week overdue and he's like, we're done. And I was like, oh f**k. Really? That's gnarly. Yeah, and totally like, he was going through stuff, but we were just like this and I didn't recognize it, you know, and I was so selfish and so driven and so focused on winning the 20-2008 games, I just lost sight of my people. And I will never do that again. And we founded a company called Platform 1440 so that we honor the minutes in the day. There are only 1440 minutes in the day. That has become one of our greatest filters in life. We're going to choose to do that. Does it service our 1440? Does it keep us connected? And I'm terrible at it. It's you know that awareness at least.

Yeah, it's a finger.

Yeah.

So when you almost lost the marriage, how did you bring it back? How did you make it work?

Well, I came to the realization that I had a big hand to play in it. Like I stopped feeling like a victim and I stopped pointing the finger.

You didn't say this is your fault. I've got this thing I'm doing here. Don't you understand me?

No, he was right. He was totally right. Yeah, so I just went to work on me.

Really?

Yeah. And then Casey, my husband, you know, was going through his own stuff and my only prayer was like I pray for clarity for both of us because neither of us were clear and we were so angry and so hurt and like acting out, lashing out that way, you know, and so I just prayed for clarity. Thank goodness he went and did his work, you know, and we just worked our asses off. And it's been a journey. In the marriage and the relationship. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it was like our psychologist who's our performance psychologist, but who helped us navigate this amazing. He was like, Carrie, if one of you has a tip of your baby toe in the door, there's hope. And literally that's all my husband had in there. And I was all in.

He was out already.

He was done. He was so hurt.

I don't want this.

Yeah.

What was hurting him the most?

I'm his girl, you know, and I just, I wasn't honoring him. You know, like we made a commitment to like love and cherish and support and I was so selfish. And I just, I have so much, like I adore my husband so much. And I would write him love letters. Like I felt so connected to him on the road. But he at some point he just lost the connection fully. And like the notes that he would never read them. And he just felt, yeah, he was just so hurt, you know?

--But you were still, so you were still trying. You were sending him love letters.

--I was, yeah. --But that's kind of half-ass like I could have. There's so so many other things, you know? And then when I get home, I'd be tired and I wouldn't, like, suck it up. And, you know, because that energy exchange is everything, you know? I don't believe in faking things, but I know I can make something special even if I'm tired. Yeah. Because he deserves it, you know?

Of course. So there wasn't a lot of, like, so you're pregnant.

You're pregnant. And he's like, I'm out. Yeah. Because you're not trying. You don't care. Yeah. Well, he's like, we're just two different people living two different lives. Wow. We've changed, like, every, like, so many heavy, heavy things. things were said where if I talk about it, I'm gonna ball.

How long were you married for or together for?

Well, we got, we started dating in 01. We got married in 05. And that was 2009. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. But I was gonna say, like, it's like all the major heartbreak in my life, aside from losing my loved ones, has led me, like, which is so cliche, but it's led me down profound paths of self-growth. and deeper intimacy with God, with my husband, with my partners, and with the sport. So it's truly a vehicle for self-growth, failing and kind of living a messy life. However, I do believe that you can grow through joyful moments.

Of course.

And I would love to do that.

You don't have to be messy all the time to learn and grow. Now, do you think you would have, I don't know how you'd have a better career, but do you think your career could have been better Single without having a marriage?

No.

Do you feel like the marriage held you back in any ways? No. Or do you feel like it supported you in actually achieving all your dreams?

I mean, it's just at some point, so I fell in love with my husband, like my first day on the beach. Like I met him. He was a volleyball player. Yeah, and he's a stud. He's my favorite. God, no. No, no, no, no.

You couldn't have achieved the three gold medals on your own without him.

No. I mean, of course, of course. But it's like, I'm here to live life.

Right.

You know, and I want that full experience. Like, after, before Beijing, I was like, I had a miscarriage. So we got married in '05, I had a miscarriage. They're supposed to be twins, didn't split, and went to heaven. And so we had, the timing of it was like, we have to make a decision. Either don't play the next Olympics or wait. and have babies after. And we're like, okay, we'll wait. We're young. We got it. But my job started to feel very trivial and very shallow. --My job being professional beach volleyball player.

--Why was it trivial?

--Just because I was ready for more. I was ready for family. And so just my husband brought a new layer of myself and my life and my world. And then children obviously enhanced that by a billion. And so I'm here, I'm here to like love and just to do it with my guy, you know? And so no, he's no, no.

What's the greatest lesson that marriage has taught you about sports?

Oh, I mean they're so similar.

Marriage is a sport, isn't it?

It's, I mean, it's like a full contact sport. Man, it's like what you do on the daily, like your habits. Basically you are your habits. Right. So if you're performing great on the court, your habits are probably pretty solid. You know, recovery, you're eating, you're working your ass off, all these things. Mindset, yeah.

You're connected with your partner.

Communication's great, yeah. Same thing with your marriage. Like it's those little things and those habits, you know, and it's just, it's so worth the time to water that side of life. And it's so important that I've said this before, but I literally, I've never won a level match when my husband and I are fighting. Never. Really? Ever. I can't do it.

Not even like an early round match? No, no.

Like for some reason we get like in fights and linner rounds. Like this is what we do.

But we're not talking for two weeks.

No, like we know life is just crazy. But like if my life is crazy. You have to clear the fight first.

Before you go into the match. 'Cause my soul is just hurt.

Like he's part of my spirit, you know? And so if I'm feeling disconnected from Casey, then I'm just I'm just in trouble, you know? So that's how much my family and my people mean to me and affect me. And I love them so much. Like my goal in life is to be autonomous because that's like the ultimate freedom. You know, I can be in command of myself. I can be in command of my tools in life on the court, off the court. And I don't want to lean on anybody, but my people make take me to the next level. And their love and their support, my love for them make me so brave, you know, and of enduring anything. And so it's just that part of the equation is important to me.

What's the greatest skill you think you have that makes you different than every other volleyball player?

Oh, like a technique or could it?

It can be any skill. It could be a mental skill, it could be a habit skill, it could be a technique, it could be a power aggressiveness, it could be jumping. I mean, what's the thing that you have that no one else has?

I just have to say it's the full package. you know, I'm 6'2 and a bit. I'm really physical. I'm really effing hungry for the win. I got called last year next level intense or last year I got called next level intense by my partner, my coach, and I was like, really? I am. Like I didn't even, I never think of myself that way, just the way I'm wired, you know? But I think that like desire to win that competitive nature, that intensity, you don't see it a lot. Like you don't see it a lot even I mean, I get, I was gonna say with your height and with.

Everything, like the whole package.

Well, I was gonna say in men's sports, too, but you see it, obviously. But, yeah, women, it's just, it's a, it's a different vibe out there. Doesn't mean they're less competitive, but the expression of it is different. Yeah. You know, and so tiger out there.

You're like a lion. Yes.

Eat someone's throat. Exactly. Exactly.

Happily.

Yeah.

Are there any young women who are like, In their mid-20s, late 20s who have that same type of like competitive.

Drive or oh for sure. I mean yeah, they're in coming. It's like everyone's like game face is different. You know the way they express their competitiveness is so different. But yeah there's a handful of girls where they bring an edge. Yeah, some of them like piss me off like what? But I respect them all and I appreciate it. You know like there's one girl she actually won the Golden RIo, Laura Ludwig. She's my favorite player. She's German. --German, yeah. And she's my favorite. And she has such a rad edge and such a big sweetheart. But she's just she's so German. She's so like I am on point and determined. And I love her edge, you know? But outside of maybe two or three others, like there's really not a lot of like intense people.

--Really?

Yeah. It's not that they're mellow, but you know next level.

What would you say is your greatest weakness then? Is it your self-talk?

So I would want to say my inconsistency, which is not physical lacking. So I guess it would be-- Inconsistency into what? Like I'd make mistakes, you know, like really aggressive mistakes, or I'm going for things and I want to be more precise and I want them to earn the points that are giving people points. But I, and I was gonna say that perhaps my, like my mental agility, you know, like when I get stressed, like I go higher and higher, higher instead of taking a breath and chilling. Like I'm working on that and I've gotten so much better, but I know that about myself, you know, and then like when you're kind of breathing faster and higher, like your vision goes from here to here, you know, and so I'm really, I'm very aware of it.

--That happens during games, during matches.

--Yeah, you know, 'cause it's such a sensory experience. Like, I rely on a lot of vision, a lot of touch, and I try to listen to my partner, and then I sense the other team. So if I'm in this vibe where I'm just over-excited or nervous or fearful or just over-amped, my senses turn off, and I almost hear white noise. --The middle of the match. --Yeah, you know, and then you're like, I'll go up to go hit the ball, my partner's I was saying, lie, lie, lie, lie, and I don't hear it till after I land. I was like, oh, that would have.

Been nice to hear. Wow.

Just stuff like that. And that's because you're breathing too fast, you're too anxious in your mind. I don't think so. Really? Yeah. 'Cause if I could take, you know, slow, deep breaths from my nose, my whole system's gonna know I'm okay. But I just, I'm one of those.

People who, like, look how fast I talk. I'm just a fast talker. I'm a fast liver, and I live.

Up here in myself.

And so when I get going-- I know you're practicing this.

You're practicing breathing, you're practicing meditation.

I'm assuming you've got the best coaches where like you're doing Wim Hof or you're doing Laird stuff.

--I have so many questions about your last experience. How fun.

--It was unreal. --Do you do any of the stuff.

With Gabby and Wim? --Totally. I mean I've been trained by Gabby and Laird who I adore and love. I want to be like them. --They're great. --Wim, I bought his 10-week course. I didn't finish it, but I will.

I believe in all of it.

--It'S hard to slow it down though.

--Yeah, man. It's hard to sit there and breathe.

That's the hardest thing for me. Like meditation to me is the one thing in the world I wish everyone did. And it's the one thing- no, I do. I do it. I do do it. But it's really hard for me. It's like pulling teeth. Even though I believe in it with all my heart. I believe it's more important than going and busting my ass in the gym. I believe it's that important. And yet it's still hard. So that's where my work lies, like the stillness work. But I know these things. So now I just gotta create habit and routine and just, I just gotta chill the F out.

If you could add two habits to your daily routine or to your training routine that you know would make you even more elite and win more, what would those two habits be that you're not currently doing?

I'm doing everything I believe I should be doing. It's the way I'm doing it.

What's the way? Well, it's not creating a new habit by the way of doing it.

Totally.

So what's the way of-- the way.

I'm trying too hard. I believe.

You're trying too hard.

I'm trying too hard. Like when I'm meditating, I'm like, Hey God, what do you got for me? You know, like, and when I'm going through these, like, these progressions in practice, like, I'm just like, I'm so eager to be so great. I'm just, you know, I'm effing it up. Like be quick but don't hurry. What is that quote? Like John Wooden, he's so rad. Like I'm being too quick.

What's the result now?

Yeah, and that life doesn't work that way. You know what I, with all of myself, I know my life always works out. Like all is always well. I believe that with all my heart and whatever happens is gonna be amazing. And I'm in this because I cannot wait to become the woman I need to be. to walk this life and the greatness of this life. And yet I want to rush it. Like part of me wants to rush it. Like it's such a disconnect. And I think it's just fear behind it. So whatever that fear is, I need to name and look at and like give it a hug. Be like, we're buddies. Like it's okay, you know? So imagine-- Is this all gibberish?

I love it. I love talking to athletes. 'Cause for me, this is my-- Everything I try to translate from my sports experience into business and life and relationships. So for me, this is awesome. Imagine you're on a beach.

Explore the world's hidden wonders on the Atlas Obscura podcast. A village in India where everyone's name is a song. A boiling river in the Amazon. A spacecraft cemetery in the middle of the ocean. Every day, the Atlas Obscura podcast will blow your mind in 15 minutes. You can find it on the SiriusXM app, Pandora, or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

Not sure if you have the experience to start your dream job? Good news. These days, it's the skills that count. Udemy can help you get those in-demand skills. Want to be an AI mastermind? Learn with us. Game developer, we've got you covered. AWS Certified Cloud Practitioner, we can help you prep. You'll learn from real-world experts who love what they do so that you can love what you do. Go to udemy.com for the skills to get you started and get set for your dream job.

By yourself. And you're walking up to the net. There's a volleyball court. It's just you, you're in Manhattan Beach, your favorite beach, but no one's around and you're standing looking at the net. And then all of a sudden, from the distance there's a figure that's coming and walking towards you. Steps on the court over the line and walks up to the net. And this person is the greatest version of yourself. It's a reflection of you, but the ideal image of what you want to become.

Yeah.

And you get to see yourself Across the net, but this person is perfect in every way imaginable. The way they think, the way they look, their body language, everything. It's the greatest version of you. What does that person look like?

Jesus.

Wow.

Like very clearly it's Jesus in my head.

It's you. I mean, if it's you, the greatest version of you.

No, it's like, so, I mean, like, Are you religious? Yeah. Whatever. You don't need to. Yeah, okay. So Jesus is just my homeboy, right? And I just, like there's this artist online. I should look it up and show you so you can put it in the show notes. But El Kurlo is his handle. And there's, he does this artwork of Jesus. I'm gonna cry. And it's like the essence of Jesus or the soul of Jesus or the frequency of Jesus is like, It's just heaven on earth. It's like all is always well. You are good enough. You have it all. You know, and that knowing, like it's a knowing, a happy knowing. You know, not that tough stuff doesn't happen. There's like a happy knowing that I am capable. All is well, I am supported. And that would be me, but when you had me do that imagery, it was Jesus walking there.

Wow. But if it was you, why?

If it was a dream, too.

Yeah, right, it's true. If it was the best, if it was you, an actual identity of you walking towards you. A six foot three. Are you six three, six two?

Six two and a bit. Six two and a quarter.

It all looked the same, the greatest version of you.

I wouldn't change mine for sure. For sure, for sure. Yeah, you know what an interesting exercise.

Yeah, you know, I-- Would you be taller looking? Would you be standing differently?

Would you be speaking differently? God made me to be. I would just be fully in myself and fully okay with what I am. 100% I'm good. Yeah. You know? Even though I'm very much a work in progress, like I believe I'm good. I believe God did good. And I believe I'm working to whatever blessings He gave me. It's my job, my duty, my honor to make those even better. But making them better my way, like I got this tattoo and it's the chakras and I'm after alignment in my life. And I think what I'm trying to say with all of my many words is that I'm after alignment. And Jesus represents alignment. And to be my greatest self, I have to be aligned with my source, my God, my Jesus, myself, who I know Jesus isn't within me. God is within me. And so if I can find that peace, even when it's chaotic outside, whether it's with my children, my husband, or on the court, then I'm a badass.

Yeah, you are.

Yeah.

How do you get to a place of inner peace when there's chaos in your life? How do you go to that place?

Yeah, well, I think breathing is so important. And then just like we talked about already, just like the. The words I choose to say, you know, that dictates thoughts and emotions. And so just. I guess just having the wear. The awareness that all is okay. Yeah. You know, like, just be where you are. and you are capable of handling it all.

What are the words that you should be saying to yourself every single day on repeat?

Part of me wanted to say you are enough, but that comes from a place of lack. I don't know. You are loved. Like, what would I. What would I want my children to know every day is that they are so deeply loved, no matter. I guess that's kind of the. Yeah, the bottom line.

What do you think young women whether they're athletes or not, what should they be saying to themselves every day? When there's so much comparison in social media and so much bullying and all this stuff going on, what should girls say to themselves when everyone might be saying other nasty things about them or to them?

Well, I think all of our jobs is just to be the best we we can be, best me I can be, best you you can be, right? And I mean, certainly I'm a woman, like I compare myself every day to everyone. It's just such a losing proposition. So if we can compare yourself a lot. I mean, I think subconsciously you're just like, oh, how cute she is. Or, he's such a good speaker. You know, just these little things. But again, death by a thousand paper cuts. The owie. That sounds miserable. So I think self-love is a really big deal. I really think self-love is huge. I think recognizing our inherent strengths are really important. you know, and that regardless of winning, losing, being beautiful, you know, whatever beautiful is, like kindness is the coolest and the most powerful. And like you are made of pure love. And all that sounds so hokey and probably not helpful to a sophomore going through it, but it's like your job is just to do you and not be persuaded, not conform. You know, like all this, all the magazines and all, everything on TV, it's all about putting us in a box. you know, and I feel like if you look at like all of those things and when you want to compare, be like, I'm not going to limit myself by trying to be like her. Like, I'm going to be rad, be me, and be a non-conformist, you know? And that's like a powerful place to be.

You feel like there was someone when you were growing up that taught you a really important lesson that you still hold on to today, maybe a parent or a teacher or a coach or. an idol figure that you, you know, role model athlete. Was there a lesson you learned early on that you're like shaped your life?

There's so many. It would be hard. It would be hard to say, but for the way my life has worked out and what I treasure in life, like I treasure my family, I treasure my faith, I treasure my sporting career. Like, I love sports. I love competing. And in my life, my parents modelled that for me at the highest level. Like they were so committed to each other. They were very young parents raising their children. And every week and weekend we would go to their games. Like super high level, really competitive softball games or bowling or whatever it was, volleyball. And it was gnarly and it was really intense and they were playing to win and they had so much fun. And so that, to see that, not to hear the words, like words don't teach teach, right? Like, they don't. But I saw the people I love and respect the most out there putting themselves in the line, winning, losing, like, fighting with their own teammates because they all want to win so bad. And I just learned by watching. So that the gift of that, to me, was just the biggest.

And what's the biggest lesson you've learned as a mom?

Oh, God. I mean, each of my children, as with each of us, has like came into this world differently. And I think just understanding that we're all fundamentally so different and I have to give my kids the space and hold the space for them for their greatest selves to show up, right, to be nurtured instead of labeling them like this one has this is a tough time here, this one's great here, this one's, you know, whatever. And I do that because I fear for my children. You know, if something's hard for them, like, you know, it's like I speak it out loud and I kind of put them here and I want to feather their nest and fix it for them. But it's not my job to fix it for them. And I learned that really early on. And my parents let me fail. They had really high expectations, but they like, you know, they made me responsible because they made me go through it. And so that was, you know, confirmed me being a parent. But also just that, man, if you have a partner in the relationship, like, the part, the partnership is hugely important to the parenting. Because what my husband and I do affects our kids deeply.

It does, yeah.

You know, and so I'm not cool with my husband, I'm great with my kids, my kids aren't okay. You know, so fighting for that deep relationship my relationship with my husband is very valuable and my kids see it and then they get self-worth and security from that. So I think those two things. But our kids, my kids are so wise and they're so rad and I just don't want to mess them up. They are guided and gifted and I just want their soft self-talk to be better than mine. Right? Yes.

What's the thing you're most proud of as a mom?

Oh, well, just them. Like I had a part in creating them. Like they are, yeah. Do you want to be a daddy one day?

One day.

Oh my god. Like, scary but... No, it should be, but it shouldn't be. It's the most beautiful times a billion. Like my kids are, they're just, I don't know. I don't know how there's war in this earth when there's so many parents and so many children. It's just, it's the most beautiful, powerful thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy to me. There's so much love.

What's your biggest What's fear for them?

For my kids, that they don't believe in themselves, that they don't love themselves enough.

How do we teach that to kids? To believe themselves and to love themselves more?

I don't know. I mean, I think loving that, I mean, yeah, like you can't love me enough or believe in me enough for me to believe in myself. Right? It's such an interesting topic. And crazy. Yeah.

How do we switch that, Dan, if we have, if the whole world is loving you, it doesn't matter.

No, no.

It's just like believing yourself. It doesn't matter if everyone's like, you got this. You have so much potential. I believe in you. But if you don't believe in you.

You'Ll never be worthless.

It's so worthless. And the cool thing is it doesn't.

Matter if everyone's against you or doesn't believe in you. It just takes one person. Oh, it's beautiful. Isn't that amazing? A person of conviction, like self-love, that would be the highest conviction that I would have, like that I would want, that I want in my life.

Because I can do anything. I can do anything.

If I have that, so far.

On a scale of one to ten, how much do you love yourself and have self-love? 10 being like Jesus level of love.

I guess to yourself.

Where are you at? On average.

Well, it's kind of a halfy answer because with all my heart I know I am a 10. I love myself so much and I'm so grateful. It's hard for me to say that, but it is. I'm grateful God did good. becoming like I'm a divine human, I believe. Divine being. But you know, I criticize myself a lot. So I don't know. I don't know what to say. But that doesn't mean I hate myself, but it just means I'm part of myself, you know? But I don't know how we teach our kids self-love. I think we model it. I think just, you know, authentic examples are the best form of teaching. And then love them so much and when they, like my boy the other day punched my boy son dance, our boy son dance, He's punched his big brother in the throat. Like when he gets pissed off, he goes for the eyeballs. He's like you. He's like me, he's like me. But he's so chill until he's not. I know. He's a little horse. And so my husband got really loud and he was like, Hey. And Sundance goes, I hate myself. And he said it with so much sincerity, I started bawling, which is not okay. I turned around, I was losing it. I'm like, that's his self-talk. And my boy Joey was okay. You know, he was fine. which it was not okay what happened. But I went to that because I think I resonate with that because he's so hard on himself. And so we had the talk of you are perfect. God made you perfect. Like you have to love yourself. You know, and it's like who knows what gets through. But like those moments, having conversations around those moments, ideally, you know, at least they'll have an awareness around it or whatever. Isn't it crazy?

And when we start to verbalize how we feel about ourselves to other people, It's like imagine how much more they might be saying to themselves. Because I used to say so many bad things to myself growing up. And then I would say bad things out loud about myself as well as a kid when I was insecure or lonely or whatever. Totally.

Yeah.

And it's just, it's a daily challenge.

I know. I don't know why we do that. Like self-deprecating humor, I find to be so funny, but it makes me so sad also. It's like why would you diminish yourself? Why do I diminish make yourself smaller. -Yeah. It's just silly. Even if you don't mean it, which most of the time you probably don't, but it's like nip that in the bud.

-Do you think there's anything to being a critic of yourself though that helps you grow? Do you think like okay because I am critical, because I do look at this weakness or this thing that I don't have that I'm becoming better? Or if we were always our best cheerleader internally and verbally, would we be better off that way? than we are.

For sure. I mean, path, those are just, I think you could have high standards and you can, you know, work toward perfection that you'll never get, but keep like working for progress and be kind to yourself and still be critical.

And still be loving to yourself, right?

Yeah, because the world's job is to be critical. You know so well.

You've got coaches that'll give you feedback.

Totally, yeah.

You've got results that give you feedback whether you want a loss, whether you.

Already have I mean, have you ever played a game and you just had the worst self-talk ever and you've bounced out of it?

Like usually you're stuck. It's really hard to bounce out of it. It totally... Usually you need like a halftime or some type of break. Right. Or something.

Yeah, time out. Okay, let's refocus. Let's clear the energy. Yeah. It's really hard. No, so it's just you just gotta nip in the bud. So yeah, I think it probably works until it doesn't. Yeah. But like that. Or it only gets you so far. Exactly. And the biggest stage is you don't want you don't want leave any of those variables around. You like want to be so high and tight with your self-talk, like in crisis management or in these big moments that I'm trying to believe that all moments are equal, which they are. You know, but it's just how you frame these things.

So, so in a another 1 to 10. 10 being you you only speak positive.

About yourself all the time.

Where are you at the scale? 1 to 10 of self-talk?

Well, I mean, I don't do the high fives that well. Like, I'm not like, Good job, Karen. Good job. Like, you didn't grade today. I don't do that. I don't do that. So, I feel satisfaction in things, but I don't speak to them. I would say I'm like a five.

Five? Five, maybe. I don't know.

Five and self-talk to yourself. Probably.

You're the greatest volleyball player of all time.

I know, but I'm going through it. Take all this to the greatest help. I'm going through it. It's amazing that you were able to get that far. It's so frustrating. No, no, and I've not always been like this. Like, you know, I'm just kind of on a roller coaster. It's right now. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, but it's been too long. I mean, a week of this is exhausting. Like, I'm so tired. I'm so ready just to kind of just focus on the bright side, 'cause it's there. It's like what you choose to look at. But it's like, it's what you focus on is what you're gonna attract in your life, like period. You know, so you can be going through hell, but you're looking at the sunshine, you know, and you happen to see a rainbow, and then you start noticing, hey, I feel pretty good today. Hey, I got a great partner. Hey, feel supported. Like, I want to start that momentum going. Not like, I just messed that up. Oh, my partner just looked at me weird. Oh, the sand's so deep.

Oh, so hot.

You know? It's all in our control too. It's just a really challenging discipline.

What are a few non-negotiables for you every day that dictate how your day goes? My attitude. Whether it be a routine or a habit or like, I have to have a sip of this every morning. I have to. say goodbye to my husband or kiss my kid or what's the non-negotiable that if you don't do it, you know your day is off.

Ooh, I don't have those. Okay. Not really. I think a good attitude trumps everything. However, the days I do meditate, I wake up before my kids and meditate. Those days are largely beautiful. Yeah, they're better than when you don't.

100% every single time.

Sometimes we miss it. I know. I know because I want to hit snooze. I know, right? It's not worth it. So, that would probably be the biggest one, you know, and just making sure that I get good sleep at night sets me up for great days. It does. And that's another discipline that I'm getting better and better at. But it's a challenge. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

This is a question I asked everyone towards the end. It's called the Three Truths. So, imagine you've accomplished everything you want in the rest of your life. You win four medals, you win 10 medals, whatever you want to achieve, you accomplish it. at this volleyball level, as a mom level, as a partner, as a business owner in the future, whatever it is you want to do, it all comes true. You're a 10 out of 10 and self-taught. You have everything going smooth, perfect.

If I do that, it's happening.

And for whatever reason, it's your last day on earth and you've got to go somewhere else. Your body goes, your life goes, and you've got to take every accomplishment with you. every piece of content you put out into the world, every business, anything, it's gotta go with you that you've created. Your family and your kids around, but all the work you put out into the world, it goes with you to the next place. So no one has actually any video footage of you from winning or speaking, they don't have this interview, but you get an opportunity to write down on a piece of paper three things that you want to leave with the world. And this is what I call three truths. It could be your three biggest lessons that you would share to the world. From everything you've learned, that now this is all we have to remember you by, these lessons, life lessons. What would you say are your three truths without having any preparation?

I'm so ill-prepared.

It's okay. Whatever's on your heart right now.

Oh.

Three things you'd share with the world.

It's your job to be happy.

Mm-.

It's your job, like it's not your job to make me happy. It's not my husband's job, it's not my kids. It's my job, our job, to create our lives. We are not the victims, we are the creators. And if we live our days that way, we can create beautiful lives.

Okay, that's one.

That's one. Okay. Two, accept and love people and hold space for them to grow. and inspire them by your leadership or by your ways if that's if you hope that they grow into something. But I feel like that would take the pressure off a lot of people if they knew just period you can't.

Just accept people, yeah.

Yeah, you gotta.

You can change yourself. But you can't change other people.

Yeah, totally.

Okay, that's two. The third lesson that you leave the world with.

God, I feel like I have so many better ones than I can think right now.

What would you say to your kids if you could share one final thing to them?

I'm torn between it's supposed to be fun, life is supposed to be fun.

Yeah, man.

You know, like don't take it too seriously. Like all is always well. I always want my kids to know that. Like I want them to know truly if the worst of the worst happens, you're gonna be okay. I really want the world to know that and I believe That's true. And simply like my grandpa, I asked him for advice. Like I knew, you know, he was kind of getting ready to go. And I said, Grandma, what's some advice you can give me? He goes, Just don't be a knucklehead.

He's like, so simple.

Yeah, just don't be an idiot. Don't do dumb things.

You know, so like...

Simple advice, yeah. Like I'm so messing up your truths. You're good. Your three truths. But it's like... Yeah. so cool to care. Like it's okay to care a lot. A lot of people hedge their bets because they don't want to get hurt. But caring is powerful and it always leads you to beautiful places. Yeah, and then I just really believe that we are the creators of our lives. We are the creators of our own happiness. I think that's absolutely true. Yeah, I don't know. Fire me. Fire me from this podcast.

I love this. I don't want to get fired.

Great one.

I love this.

I love this stuff.

What's the thing that you're most proud of about your husband?

Oh, about my husband? I mean, his heart is the most amazing thing ever. He's so rad, man. The way he lives life is he lives his 1440 really well. And he has high standards. He holds people accountable. He has fun in life and he kicks ass. You know, he works hard. So, he loves his work and no, but his heart is magic. -Yeah, that's cool.

-Tell me more about the 1440. How do we support this?

-Well, so we're at platform1440.com and -Team 1440.com? -Say it again? -P 1440.

The number 1440.

Yeah, 1440. So, we were started because our sport is a volleyball. It's so powerful, so dynamic. But it's just so fractioned and everyone has their own little piece of the pie and the athletes are suffering. The elites are all dead broke. They're all stuck in the system. There's no money, no stars. People can't brand themselves.

You can win a gold medal and make not much money.

100%. It's like such a long conversation. So we were we're founded to elevate and serve the sport. Like we are a top five sport in the world, volleyball. No one knows that, yeah, with participants, which viewers, like we are huge. We are one of the top sports at the Olympics in tickets and a viewership on NBC. Like we are the thing once every four years. And so 1440 was created to make us relevant every day of every year, not just once every four years. Like it's a beautiful thing to be a popular Olympic sport, but it keeps you relevant for two weeks. once every four years. And then what?

Exactly.

And then you're irrelevant.

Exactly.

So, you're the best in the world like you. Well, yeah. Well, sheez, when you've been around 20 years, people can't get rid of you. But no, but you know, the life of an Olympic athlete is really hard. But our goal, part of our goal for 1440 is to create kind of the NBA/ATP model where the athletes can like cut their teeth, have their careers on the tour or on, you know, whatever platform, and then the Olympics is like the sacred beautiful cherry on top. But if it's reversed, then that irrelevancy and that growth doesn't happen. So we're here to serve as a support and it's beautiful and you can follow us on social and we have a lot of juniors and semi-pro events and the goal is to have- so it's a tour. It's a tour but we're a digital media company as well. So we want to become like the go-to resource center for all things volleyball training, mindfulness, kind of the holistic approach that my husband and I live by.

We're outfitting our resource center right now.

So we have amazing experts. It's really, really fun. What?

I mean, because there's been different tours over the years. It's been like, what was the big one?

So the AVP still exists. It still exists.

Yeah.

Didn't, like, go through some transition. Oh, it's been like this. It's been so volatile.

And the AVP is wonderful. You know, it's an explore the world's hidden wonders on the Atlas Obscura podcast, a village in India where everyone's name is a song. A boiling river in in the Amazon, a spacecraft cemetery in the middle of the ocean. Every day, the Atlas Obscura podcast will blow your mind in 15 minutes. You can find it on the SiriusXM app, Pandora, or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

We believe it's mismanaged. We left that tour a couple of years ago. We just thought, so you're not a.

Part of it anymore?

No, and it was really hard. because we love that tour. We help build it. You know, we feel like it's family, but the athletes were suffering. The athletes were treated like not well and kind of holding the sport hostage. So we were, we came on board to celebrate them. You kick butt and we're going to create new opportunities. And because we believe in abundance, new tournaments, new opportunities for growth. We have a developmental program where we train around 80 to 100 athletes for free a year. The athletes just graduated from college who are trying become pro. We give them free strength training, free volleyball training, free recovery. Where are we? So we're subsidizing, yeah, Manhattan Beach and Huntington Beach. We have two places, yeah. That's pretty cool. So we're giving back to the sport. But our sport, the demographics in our game are so powerful. I mean, we are the number one.

Sport for girls and women 10 to 18.

In terms of people that play or in terms of participation. And then in college, you get 12 indoor scholarships and six ships for beach volleyball now. Like that's six for beach. For beach.

In the past couple years that haven't.

Yeah. So they were playing beach in college. Oh yeah. No, it's a beautiful game and it's growing like gangbusters. Wow. And indoor is ginormous and underserved as well.

And it's big in Europe too. Oh it's 100%. Yeah. So we, there's a huge market opportunity.

Why is there no pro league in U.S. when U.S. is dominant, aren't they? Yeah, indoor. Yeah, they're always, always the top. Always one on the top. I don't know. There's just so many choices here in America. There are. You know? So there's just a lot of white noise. So we just need to figure out the marketing, you know, genius behind what we're offering because it's so beautiful and if you show up, you're gonna have a great time. The lifestyle of beach volleyball is incomparable.

It's a blast. You know?

So I don't know.

We haven't cracked the egg yet, but we will. How else can we support you on this journey?

Oh man. With the career leading up to this. What a nice question. Yeah, how can we support you? I just think good vibes. You've got any prayers? You want to throw my way? I'll take them. But yeah, I think you live a good life and make the world better in your way and I'll do the same and that's wonderful. But no, this is great. This has been two years coming, so I appreciate your prayers.

We've been trying to get carry on for a while.

We've been emailing, I have a new Instagram messaging.

Texting.

When can we do it? Oh, this month.

Oh, next month. I'm so sorry. It's all good.

It's a nice timing.

I'd rather have you now than two years ago.

Totally.

Kara, I want to acknowledge you for a moment. The way you show up is really powerful because I can only imagine the amount of pressure that you've had over your career in the last 20 plus years of just trying to make it, making it, staying there, you know, going from different partners to having kids to challenges with your husband to just like the age difference in your sport and just constantly showing up at a high level. with a smile, with a positive attitude is really inspiring for me and for probably so many women around the world who want to be like you as a great role model. So I acknowledge you for all of it. For not trying to act like you're perfect, for not trying to have it all put together all the time, and for being okay with the mess sometimes and the chaos sometimes. So I acknowledge you for everything. You're a beautiful human. I really appreciate you being here.

That means a lot.

Yeah, of course.

It really does.

Of course. I have one final question. It's what's your definition of greatness?

Oh man. Well part of it would be what you just said. Like when I think of the greats, what did the greats do? They showed up every day with all they had, 100% on that day. And they had such mastery of themselves and their craft because they had lived the fundamentals and the fundamentals became part of who they were. And so they were able to execute at the highest level consistently. And because their founding principles were so strong, body, mind, and spirit, and craft, they were able to have careers of 10, 20 years. Greatness doesn't happen once. Like, flash in the pans, that doesn't equal greatness. You know, that's a great moment. But greatness, like Jordan, like Mia, you know, like so many, like Colby, it's overtime. And those people show up with all they have overtime at the highest level performing. And the essence of them and their journey to their greatness inspires, you know, whatever that little person in us saying that you have more in you. You know, I think it's a beautiful thing. What the greats do for this world, they make us believe a little bit more. and they make us curious about what's inside of us. But the greatest of all time do it consistently. Yeah. It's rad.

Okay, thank you so much. Appreciate you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

My friend, thank you so, so much for listening to this episode. It means the world to me that you take the time out of your busy life to come here on the School of Greatness to learn from the greatest in the world. to get inspiration, tools, strategies, techniques to take your life, your career, your business, your relationships, your purpose to the next level. If you found this valuable, do me a big favor and share this with a friend. You can just copy and paste the link lewishouse.com/983 you3 can text it to some friends, post it on a WhatsApp group, Facebook, Instagram, wherever you want to put it, share it out there. Or you can just copy and paste wherever you're listening to this specific podcast episode link on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere else and share it with a friend. You have the ability to change someone's life when you share this message. And if you haven't yet, if you're just a big fan of the show, but you don't subscribe, please subscribe over on Apple Podcast and leave us a five star rating and review as that really helps us spread the message to more people over on Apple. and also, if you want inspirational messages from me, text messages right to your phone every single week, we've got so many people who love these messages. Please text me the word podcast to 614-350-3960. Again, just text the word podcast to 614-350-3960 and I'll make sure to be sending you weekly messages on inspiration. of motivation every single week.

And I want to close with a.

Quote from another great champion, Mia Hamm, who said, It is more difficult to stay on top than to get there. I am so grateful for Carrie for sharing her wisdom today and really opening up and being vulnerable. And sometimes we can achieve a lot and then we think it's gonna keep being that same way and we get.

The bronze as opposed to the gold.

Or something happens where we don't get the result we think we should be getting that we got in the past. And it's hard to stay on top. It's hard to stay up there even when you've been there for a long time. And I'm excited no matter where you're at in your life, you might have felt like you got knocked off in some area with coronavirus or with anything in your life happening right now with this pandemic. But I'm telling you, if you continue to focus on the process, if you continue to fall in love with the process that becomes the prize. And the end result will be magical and beautiful at the end of the day, I promise you. Focus on the process. I want to remind you, if no one's told you lately, you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. I'm so grateful for you, and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.

Hey, everybody.

Ted Danson here to tell you about my podcast with my longtime friend and sometimes co-host, Woody Harrelson. It's called Where Everybody Knows yous Name, and we're back for another season. I'm so excited to be joined this season by friends like John Mulaney, David Spade, Sarah Silverman, Ed Helms, and many more. You don't want to miss it. Listen to Where Everybody Knows yous Name with me, Ted Danson, and Woody Harrelson, sometimes wherever you get your podcasts.

At Capella University, you can learn at your own pace with our FlexPath learning format. Take one or two courses at a time and complete as many as you can in a 12-week billing session. With FlexPath, you can finish the bachelor's degree you started in 19 months and under $19,000. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella.edu. Fastest 25% of students. Cost varies by pace, transfer credits, and other factors. Visit apply.