995 Self-Image, Intimacy, and the Dangers of Comedy w/Nikki Glaser

This is episode number 995 with Nikki Glaser. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now, let the class begin. [Speaking of which] Maya Angelou once said, Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It's the sweetest thing one can do for oneself and one's fellow human beings. And author Oscar Wilde said, It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. My guest today is one of the funniest people I know. Nikki Glaser has had three specials on Netflix. She's also the host of the Comedy Central podcast you Up and she's embarking on a mini tour of all outside standup shows at the end of the month. And what I love about Nikki's comedy is that she's always saying what we're afraid to admit we're thinking. This was truly a unique School of Greatness conversation. Nikki was hilarious, but also vulnerable and real and full of relatable stories. And we actually sat down back in early spring before the quarantine, and we thought this was a perfect time to drop the episode. Now we could all use a little more humor and and our lives. And if you're enjoying this episode, make sure to share it with someone who needs to hear it. And a quick reminder to subscribe to the School of Greatness on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and give us a rating or review to help us spread the message of greatness to more people. Coming up, Nikki Glaser, after I take.

Just two minutes to keep the lights on. The School of Greatness is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance. As Amica says, Empathy is our best policy. That's why they'll go above and beyond to tailor your insurance coverage to best fit your needs.

Whether you're on the road, at home.

Traveling along life's journey, their friendly and knowledgeable representatives will work with you to ensure you have the right coverage in place. Amica will provide you with peace of mind. Go to amica.com and get a quote today.

As America's leading business lender, Bank of America is on your corner and in your corner. With $215 billion in business loans and over 3,700 business specialists across the nation, we help businesses thrive. So communities prosper. What would you like the power to do? Learn more at bankofamerica.com/localbusiness. Bank of America, official bank of FIFA Club World Cup 2025. Copyright 2025 Bank of America Corporation, all rights reserved.

Father's Day is coming up, and for lots of dads out there, dad doesn't quite cover it. They're groundskeepers, patio whisperers, and rogue leaf vigilantes too. So this year, show dad some love with gifts from the Home Depot. They've got fast free delivery on handy gear that helps dad do his thing. We're talking Ryobi cordless outdoor tools like the Ryobi 40 volt expanded string trimmer. Find the perfect Father's Day gift at the Home Depot. Shop in store and online at homedepot.com, free delivery subject to availability. Fuel your greatness with wonderful pistachios. No shells. Wonderful pistachios is a great source of protein with zero guilt. Each one ounce serving has six grams of protein, giving you over 10% of your daily value. Pistachios are known for their protein power, fiber, and better for you unsaturated fats for a combination that may help keep you feeling Fuller longer. And now there's a new way to snack strong with unsalted, no shells, holding the salt, not the flavor, for a.

Snack that packs a protein punch.

Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more. You ever walk out of the grocery store or fill up your tank and just think How is everything this expensive? Feels like prices are going up everywhere. And how great would it be if just once something actually just went down in price? Well, at Metro, that's exactly what's happening. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered. Oh, and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, visit Metro Metro by T-Mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number, not available if currently at T-Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guaranty covers monthly price of on network talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply. Details@MetrobyT-Mobile.com We all know that staying hydrated is so important, and we've heard it a million times, but let's be real. You can really feel the difference when you're hydrated properly, you're sharper, you're energized, and you're ready to go. And when you're not, well, you feel foggy, sluggish, just drained. And with the summer heat coming, staying on top of hydration isn't just a good idea, it's a must. And that's why I love Liquid IV. It's powered by LIV Hydrasience, which is clinically studied to maintain hydration better than water alone for up to four hours. And I've been loving the new sugar-free raspberry lemonade hydration multiplier. It's so refreshing, and I don't know about you, but if I'm not hydrated, it's hard to function. Whether I'm gearing up for a workout, recording a podcast, or pushing through a packed day, liquid IV always keeps me hydrated. And if you've ever hit that mid-afternoon slump or struggled to keep up, trust me, this is a game changer. Maximize your hydration with liquid IV and get 20 off your first order of liquid IV. When you go to liquidiv.com and use code Lewis at checkout, that's 20 off your first order. with code LEWIS@liquidIV.com. This is an advertisement from BetterHelp. You know, one of the biggest stigmas we still need to break, especially for men, is the idea that asking for help is weakness. In reality, it's the most courageous thing you can do. Taking care of your mental health doesn't make you soft. It makes you strong, focused, and grounded. We live in a world that puts a lot of pressure on men to man up. stay silent and just push through. But bottling it all up only leads to burnout, anxiety, or worse. And the truth? It's okay to struggle. It's okay to not have all the answers. And there is real power in opening up. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, helping over 5 million people get the support they need without the hassle of waiting rooms or long commutes. You can talk to a therapist from wherever you are and switch anytime if needed. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/Lewis. That's BetterHLP.com/Lewis.

And what I love about you is You really talk about vulnerabilities and insecurities and you go in and talk about a lot of real stuff. One of the coolest things I saw you post was actually a video you shared of someone else of a young girl that said, I'm ugly. I'm too ugly. And then this older woman, I don't know if it was her mom or.

Her sister or a caregiver.

It looks like a mom's friend or something.

She was doing her hair. Yeah, doing her hair was like stopped her and was like, no, you are beautiful. You're amazing. I love this about you. And I was like really inspired that you posted that.

Yeah.

Because I think we have a platform where we can really inspire people and it's great to tell jokes and do your thing and make people laugh and entertainment. But when you can remind people of how beautiful they are, I think it's really special. So I want to acknowledge you for the gift you have in reminding girls who follow you about not comparing themselves, not judging themselves.

I was conflicted about that video in many ways.

It was the greatest video you posted.

It was one of the best videos I've watched, the most moving things I've seen on Reddit. And I saw it late one night and it popped up again yesterday and I was like, oh, I have to repost this. I forgot, because I showed my closest friends because this little girl, what was heartbreaking about the video is this little girl's four and she looks into the camera and just sees herself on the screen. Yeah, because it's like an Instagram Live or something or something live. And the woman's just doing a live video while she's doing this little girl's hair. And the little girl just looks at herself and she goes, I'm ugly. And it was just like, to me, I feel that way so much all the time. Oh yeah, I struggle with it a lot. And people always comment, you,'re beautiful, all these things. I know, thank you. I know I'm a pretty girl who's complaining about feeling ugly, but I can't help, I do feel very ugly sometimes. And I have face dysmorphia, I have body dysmorphia, but as I age too, it just gets worse and worse. And I know that so many women have it too, so I know I'm not alone. But the way this little girl said I'm ugly was like, I felt it. I felt that way before, but to see it, I didn't feel it until I was, I think 8-17 was probably the first time I started really feeling that way and being like, I hate myself because of it. Really?

So what would it be? You look in the mirror or you'd see a girlfriend or you'd see someone on TV and then you'd be like.

Oh, I don't, Like the way I look? Yeah, like you just see someone who's beautiful and you're like, why is God so cruel to have, why I got this, I used to yell at my mom and say, why did you, I was, no, I'm not joking you, I was like 12, so it probably started younger, honestly, because my sister, it was around the time my sister got really beautiful, which she was in sixth grade and I was in eighth grade. And I remember telling my parents, I'd go, Mom, I remember my mom was doing the dishes and I was just trying to antagonize her because I was just so mad that I was so ugly and my sister was so pretty. And I go, why did you and Dad have sex knowing you could make something as ugly as me?

No, you did not.

I swear to God, I was like, that was irresponsible of you. You have ugliness in your families.

You knew this could happen.

And my mom-- I'm not laughing because-- no, it's so sad. But it is funny to say that to your own mom. And my mom was offended, obviously. Don't say we're ugly and you're ugly. But she would never say, you know, telling a child, you,'re beautiful, shut up. That's just things parents have to say. So when she would say, like, just she would say, just be happy with what you have. And that always to me was like, you are ugly, so just settle. Oh my gosh. So she wouldn't say you're beautiful? She would, but I wouldn't believe about that. And I would go, no, I'm not. And she's like, well then just be happy with what you have, Nikki. And I'd just be like, that's not what I want to do. I don't want to ever settle. So like, there's this part of me.

That feels-- I think you had an Instagram post that was like, never settle.

With your dog or a dog that you're kissing. I don't know that I'm kissing with my dog. Never settle. Because I don't, I don't like being average. I want to be extraordinary. I don't want to walk into a room and not be the prettiest girl, even though that is always the way it is. Like, I understand my limitations in terms of looks, but I truly would do anything to be hot. I would give up my personality to be hot. What?

Why?

I just think it affords you a better life as a woman.

I understand that, and I know that's.

What you're gonna say.

I understand that women who have the beauty card have certain opportunities in life with maybe that are different than women who have a personality or a smarts card or whatever it may be, right? Yes. But it doesn't mean they're gonna be happy. No, I know this.

I see miserable models all the time. I have friends with many of them. It doesn't equal happiness. And they don't think they're beautiful and.

There'S always someone hotter and if someone's.

Got a bigger butt or bigger boobs. Uglier than any of us like sevens. It is true. Like tens are more insecure and think they're uglier than most sevens. Why is that? Because it's heightened my friend who's a model. She's like the other day she was talking to me about some guy that made her feel bad about something her looks and she was like and he knows why would he say that when he knows I'm a model so I get told I'm ugly every day and I go why do you do? She's like yeah, and I'm like what do you mean? It's like because models are so beautiful photographers and people that work with them feel like they can put them down so much easier because you're a model It shouldn't affect you that I think you're gaining five pounds or I shouldn't affect you that I think your eyes are too far apart, whatever it is that makes them a model. So she gets, they get insulted all the time. And I remember having a therapist one time because I was crying about the same. She was like, you should be so grateful you're not a model. They have the, they're the most unhappy women because, and it's, and I don't, unless you have some other thing you're working on, if everything about you is your looks, which I'm saying is like, I kind of am I think that looks are that important and I wish I didn't. But I'm gonna talk myself out of it now by saying that if everything about you is your looks, it's not a good thing to invest in because the looks are the only thing that are 100% going to fade.

They will.

If you keep going, you're gonna become unfuckable ladies. It is a, you're a dying battery of fuckability and it's okay, but it's gonna happen. So be okay with yourself because if a, 'cause I've been working on like, Oh, I want to look hot to attract a man, right? Like men are just, that's how you attract them at first and then you have a personality and then they fall in love with you or they're like, easy, you talk too much. But I was focusing so much on my looks to attract a man. I want a man who just always wants to f*ck me, is always so attracted to me, can't keep his hands off me. It's just, but if a man really, if only loves you for the way you look or it's like 90% of it, that 90% It's going to go away.

It's fragile.

You will lose that.

They're gonna get tired of it too.

Well, you will lose that if ability will be gone. So if you don't have anything else to connect with that person with, he will leave you for someone more f*ckable. That's it.

You have to have, this is what Matthew Hussey talks about, which I know you had Matthew Hussey. Loves Matthew. Great guy. He says, you need to have the combo. He's like, hot guys are only so attractive to women. for so long. And then if they don't have the combo, which is like, you need to be hot or sexy or beautiful or handsome and, you know, I don't know, something else. It's like, gotta be two things. You can't just be one. You can't just be smart. You gotta be smart and sensitive. Yes. Can't just be hot.

You gotta be hot and a little something else. You do. You need two things.

You can't just have two things. You need two things. You do. And so you've got, you've got beauty and you've got personality and you've got.

Drive and you've got hustle. You've got a lot of great qualities.

I have too many things.

I really do have too many things.

You have 30 things you don't have.

Time for any guys. I should have two personality traits and stick to those, but it doesn't work for me because you're so right. I need the combo. I love hot guys. My mom's always been like, Nikki, you just always are thinking about looks. And I'm like, I can't, I struggle so much with sexual intimacy with men that if I'm not sold on you right away in terms of how you.

Look, it's really never gonna get there for me.

You're not gonna be open intimately. I can't get there. Once I've put you in a place of like, I would have sex with him, I wouldn't. You're staying there forever. And it's really, it's my way of being not open to actual intimacy. So it's like, so few can get in, and the men that I'm attracted to are generally very, very out of my league attractive, probably. And then also, they're not really available, 'cause that's a thing that I'm attracted to. They're married, or they're-- no, not married. Not in a relationship.

They're not into intimacy in a relationship.

They're not, they're cheaters. They don't like me.

Why do you attract those men?

Because I'm scared of intimacy. So I'm attracted to people who are scared of intimacy.

Why are you scared of intimacy? I don't know.

Trying to figure it out. I'd like to get to the bottom of it. What's the scariest thing about intimacy for you? That, I mean, I think if you really, everyone who's scared of intimacy, which a lot of people are, it's that you will truly get to know someone and really let them in and they won't love you for who you are.

And they will reject you and then.

You don't have And then you're a baby.

Okay, and then what?

And then, or I mean, my biggest fear of intimacy truly is like, I just have this weird fear. This is just out of nowhere weird, but it's like a real thing. I get scared of sex with men more than anything, even though it's like all I want and like think about it and I'm motivated by, I'm like a very sexual person, but I don't have sex unless I love someone or like, Love, whatever that is, unless I'm in a relationship or unless I have been in a relationship with them before, where that's like, more love. But like a new person, I'm very scared to be like sexually intimate with because of, I feel like they'll reject me. I feel like I, during the thing, might become repulsed in some way or.

Hate- with them or they'll hate you.

No, with them.

Wow.

Like, I'm scared, like when I've been watching Love is Blind, These girls are always like, before it's revealed and they get to see this guy who they already love, they're gonna see him, they're always like, I'm worried if he's gonna like me. And I was like, if I were them, I'd be like, what if he's not cute? I will now can't, I can't do it. I cannot be physical with someone unless I'm physically attracted to them. And that is a real problem because like I said, it's a shallow thing, it goes away. But I also feel like I never want to be in a position with a man where I'm like, I've gotten myself into a sexual scenario that I can't get out of where I'm like, 'cause I know myself, I like to please people.

So you wanna say no, you just keep going, you won't stop. Nothing wrong with it. So when was the first time you remember being insecure about your looks? Was this 12? Was this 17? Is this like, was there a moment.

Where a girl said, oh, you gotta whatever? Yeah, I was in fifth grade and someone called me a bucktooth beaver 'cause I have these sized teeth and my little head. Yeah, and little head. and they were starting to creep out. And that hurt. In fifth grade, I was borrowing a piece of paper from my friend Ray, and I think I had done it every day for many days in a row, and he always knew it was a pencil. He would always give me one. I was always disorganized, forgetting things. And he would always, you know, when someone just gives you something every day, and you're like, I know he's gonna.

Give it to me, I'm just gonna.

Take it because we go through this. Without asking or-- yeah, because it just happens every, this is our thing. That's my pencil at this point. So I, and I'm in fifth grade, you know, you grab it, he sees me, he goes, damn it, you bucktooth.

Beaver, why don't you just go in.

The woods and gnaw on a tree and make your own pencil? He did not. In front of everyone. And I was like, and I think my first thought was like, okay, well, I still need lead to like write with. Because like wood, I'll just like scratch wood into paper. And I think it may have said that to him, but that was the first time I was like, my looks are a problem. Men are just, men have noticed me for it. in front of people. And that's when I went on, like, lockdown with ever talking to boys or 8th grade, which was probably my most awkward year in terms of looks anyway. And then that was the year in sixth grade that my sister came to my middle school, and she was gorgeous. She just, like, grew into her looks. It was very popular. Everyone liked her.

She was younger than me.

She was two years younger. And from then on, guys in my grade always had crushes on her guys that I would, like, have dreamed to have liked me. So it just began. And every time, and she's the most, she's the best person ever and is so not about her looks in any way. Like, I, I love her so much. And so I always feel bad even talking to her about her and being like, you're the reason I hate myself. But you are, Lauren. And, but she, when she, when she, when we got older, it was like, every time she would leave the room, my girlfriends would be like, your sister's so pretty. I ate her. How do you live with it? And I would just be I always just felt, I remember walking into a restaurant one time and the hostess was like, oh my god, this child is the most beautiful child I've ever seen. And I'm like standing right next to her.

What about me? What am I doing?

And it just felt terrible. And from then on, I was like, I am ugly. I have to do everything to not be ugly. And that's when I started being funny, is to like supplement.

To get attention. Or to be seen.

To be seen. wow.

Do you think if you were. I mean, you're a beautiful woman, but if you think that you were, like, your sister's Beauty or whatever, that people saw. I'd be way less interesting. What would you be?

What would you be out in your life right now? She's a teacher. She's a teacher. She's a happy teacher. I'd be. I'd be a happy teacher with kids. I wouldn't need this, like, approval from strangers, from. From celebrities, from other people I admire. I wouldn't seek it out so much, but I just want to be. extraordinary because I felt, I don't want to be average. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be not seen because I felt that way so much. So I think that's it. But it's, it started there. And then, I mean, and then since then, it's just like.

So what do you, I mean, what is it you're chasing right now?

Happiness.

On a scale of one to ten. Ten being, like, Blissful, happy. What are you right now?

I'm like a seven. I'm pretty happy. I'm overworked, but I'm really happy. But you know what? I would really like. Like, I've been. This coronavirus has got me thinking about if I died tomorrow, what would. I've achieved everything career-wise really that I've wanted to.

What have you done? Hosting SNL.

That's it.

That'd be pretty cool.

That's the last.

You did Dancing with the Stars, which I want to do someday, because I'm a salsa dancer. I've been dancing semi-professionally for 15 years.

Oh, my God. Around the world. Dude, you need to get on that show. It's so fun.

You will love it.

It's a blast. It's, it's, talk about intimacy with your partner. I mean, dancing four hours a day with someone, I mean, you get it.

Did you get intimate?

Yeah.

Yeah, I like fell in love with him. He was married, but like, in Mars, like, you know, and his wife even was like, they talk about like, this happens every season, like, there's like a romance.

I love, it's like a story.

Everyone on the show bonds with their partner in a way that would make, but dancers are very like they understand that that is a different bond than like a marriage. And that it's gonna be a crush, there's gonna be a flirtation and stuff, but that's what makes the dance good, is that you have chemistry. So they're able to like, like they're all just so much more fluid and comfortable with their bodies and sexuality. And that that experience actually really made me a lot more comfortable like being sexy, 'cause I've, you know, I really struggle with that. I just, I don't, See myself that way and I I Rarely do like the only time I ever feel like sexy is if I'm like legit like horny like I don't otherwise I'm just like I'm a kid, right? And it's like I said it takes a lot to get me horny like guys are so They don't have the combo.

They don't have the combo.

Slow it down all of you the girl should be the one moving it along I think or I like the.

Key is to And get into a relationship where you actually don't make a move and the girl is so turned on she can't stop. She has to like essentially rip your shirt off. Yes, yes. And that's when you're like, okay, I've done everything I can to like connect to her, to be intimate, to be vulnerable, to love, to support, to be fun, like everything else. Yes.

Although... you can make a move and.

Kiss, but I mean like...

I really like getting like, that's fine. Pawed on. pretty hard. Like that would be a thing.

That's like flirtation. Like, yes, you can flirt all day. Yes. But are you saying don't make a move? Like, getting in there. We have a lot of things in common that I. I learned about.

We're. You know that old saying? It's not what you say, it's how you say it. I think that goes for how we live, too. It's not just what we do. It's the energy, the intention, the presence we bring. And that's exactly what the Range Rover sport brings to the road. The Range Rover sport is built to take on roads anywhere without any unnecessary details. It binds a dynamic sporting personality with elegance and agility and delivers an instinctive drive. Its assertive stance hints at an equally refined driving performance. Defining true modern luxury, the Range Rover Sport features the latest innovations in comfort and convenience. The Cabin Air Purification System alongside the Active Noise Cancellation creates a new level of quality comfort and control. Terrain Response 2 offers seven terrain models to choose from, fine-tuning the vehicle for.

Any challenging roads ahead.

Build your Range Rover Sport at Jangerover.com/US/Sport.

We both were born in Ohio.

Born in Ohio.

You're Cincinnati. I was Columbus. We both lived in St. Louis. I lived there for about seven years through middle school, through college.

I mean a formative time.

Right. Very formative. I left actually, I begged my parents to send me away in eighth grade to go to St. Louis.

Really?

Yeah, because I felt, I just did a post of my Whatever like seven-year-old self a photo from me and I put on the top I was like too stupid too ugly too skinny too goofy and It's talking about the insecurities that I had as a kid because girls want to talk to me so it's like I had to develop a skill so that I could survive, right? So we have a lot of things in common.

Yeah, you felt ugly too all the time.

Yeah, really? Yeah, of course.

Why when did that start?

I mean I was like this tall when I was like 11 years old So it was like this, you know, and I had big teeth and they were all crooked and everything. And when did you start liking you? It was probably like in high school when I started the development of my body. I just, I had no friends growing up, like literally zero friends. And I just played sports all day by myself. And I remember getting picked, kind of like you, you had a time, what was it, fourth grade, you said? Fifth grade.

Yeah.

The bucktooth beaver thing. I had a time in fourth grade as well, where I was picked last on a dodgeball team. Like our class, went out to play recess dodgeball. And there were two captains and they were like the two popular kids. And they picked all the guys.

Maine, where life the way it should be transforms all who encounter its spectacular landscapes. Rugged coastlines, pine-scented trails, sandy beaches, sparkling lakes, and tranquil forests inspire you to reflect and make meaningful moments. They offer endless opportunities for adventure and exploration. whether peddling or paddling, hiking or biking, Maine has more than enough outdoor spaces to make the most of long summer days. Relish in exquisite flavors harvested from the ocean and the rich soils of orchards and fields. Maine's makers are rooted in its heritage while boldly branching into new ways of thinking, doing, and being. Connect with its people in warm and authentic towns, which beckon you to stroll art galleries and locally owned shops. Where generations of artists, writers, entrepreneurs, and craftspeople the world anew. It's tempting to do it all when you visit, but take a beat and a breath. Get a feel for the time and tempo of Maine. Simple pleasures, scenic adventures, where every route is the scenic one. Discover more@visitmaine.com Haven't you heard? The newest fashion trend is finding clothes that feel good and last. And that's where Quince comes in. Their lightweight layers and high quality staples will become your new everyday essentials. Quince has all the things you actually want to wear, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. Everything I have from Quince is such good quality and it's so comfortable. And the best part, everything with Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than what you'd find at similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the crazy markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com/lewis for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com/lewis to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com/lewis should it stay or should it go?

What if I mess it up? What if I have to pay taxes now?

If you're unsure about an old 401k, it's okay. Fidelity can help you understand your options.

Avoid mistakes and taxes, and feel good.

About your decisions for your retirement savings.

To learn more, visit fidelity.com/rollover.

Be sure to consider all your available.

Options and the applicable fees and features.

Of each before moving your retirement assets.

Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC member NYSC SIPC.

First, and then they picked all the girls, and then I was the last one after all the girls. So it was like a fourth grader being picked after the girls was like super embarrassing. It was like the lowest of low at that time, right? And I just remember being like, no one likes me, no one loves me, no one cares about me.

Me.

I'm alone. And I can either one, kill myself.

Got in for you were thinking these things?

Yes.

Yeah.

And I would go into the principal's office and get in trouble all the time. And I was just like, I wish I were dead. I wish I would. Why am I even here? If no one cares about me, why be alive?

Yeah.

So it was either kill myself. Luckily, I wasn't, like, doing suicidal things, but I just had these thoughts and I would say it, or it was like, I'm gonna become the biggest, fastest, strongest human being I can be so no one can ever hurt me. I'm gonna be the best athlete so I'm never picked last again. And that's what I did. So from fourth grade until, you know, now, essentially, I was just like, I'm going to be the best athlete possible. And I played six hours a day of basketball and football, whatever it was. I went all in. And so I was always picked first.

It was just like that.

That was my skill. And so once I had that skill, then women would see me as, like, the All-Star athlete or whatever it is. and I started to develop as a human being and I started to learn and grow and be able to have.

Friendships and have conversations and not be.

Embarrassed all the time. And I also created a challenge for myself when I was 16 because I was terrified to talk to girls. Even though I was getting more attention, I didn't know how to speak. It was like, hi. It's like, what do you say to a girl when you're attracted to them as a teenage boy?

I don't even know now what you would say. It's like giving me anxiety thinking about it.

So I created a challenge myself in the summer when I was 16, I was like every time I feel butterflies around a girl that I see on the street or whatever, at the basketball court or at the gym, whatever it is, I'm going to go up to them and start a conversation. I'm going to run across the street and say hi to them. I'm going to turn around at the grocery store and speak. And for three months, I talked to girls every single day that I was terrified to talk to. And I fumbled. I had no clue what I was doing. No one teaches you this. you have to mess up and learn. And by the end of the summer, I felt so confident I could talk to anyone. And I'd still get rejected a lot, but I just didn't care anymore.

Because just the sheer number of rejection.

Like, I was just like, okay, I'm still alive. Yeah, I'm alive. And I still have this friend, and I, you know, I'm healthy.

And.

Yeah. What? That's why I asked you before.

I was like, okay, if they abandon.

You, and then what? And then what? I love that you said that.

And then what? I still have my career, and I'm still healthy, and my family's there, and, you know, I think the and then what is that I am, I don't like being, when I get romantically jilted, it really throws me off in a way that it makes me a person I don't like, I get vindictive, I get, I just channel this like Taylor Swift of like he will pay, I wanna write about him, I want, I.

Just, why do women do that?

Because you hurt us so much and we trusted you.

We hurt you or you allowed yourself Feel something.

This is the thing, I have allowed myself to be hurt by many of these men. The men that hurt me last year, I have a couple that like, I look at it and I say, the red flags were there. All of your friends knew that this was bad news.

You had a choice to leave at any time.

I had a choice to not do those things with him and build that intimacy when I knew it was going to fall apart. But I did choose it. But at the same time, I also have avoided a lot of people by being like, no, this is not good. I'm gonna, sometimes guys trick you. into thinking it's gonna be more than it is. And I don't mean that they treat, they don't intentionally do it. I think there are some guys that do that, but there are some guys that think this is becoming something, and we're gonna, this is leading to, and you think, oh, my God, this might be a guy that is my boyfriend, that might be my husband. I'm like, I'm 35. When I think about a boyfriend, I'm like, is this it? You start getting excited. You start fantasizing about it because, and people go, Nikki, don't fantasize. It's like, well, if I don't fantasize, I don't have anything because I haven't had a boyfriend in so long. So the fantasy is like so fun, the crush, the build up of it. And then when that guy meets someone else, decides he doesn't like you anymore, is also too scared of intimacy himself and rejects you, it is devastating and I can't work as hard. And I'm so scared of that pain. I think that's what I'm really scared of, it's just being hurt.

You know what's crazy? I feel like until you fully fall in love with that pain, You're not gonna be able to fully throw yourself into a relationship.

Fall in love with the pain.

In a sense of like, I'm not saying I want you to go through pain and experience a lot of it, but you need to be okay with it, I think. And it's like accepting yourself in the pain.

Yeah.

Do you feel like you've ever fully accepted who you are?

No.

No. I feel like I'm... I don't even know.

You're always gonna be hurt. You're always gonna be hurt if you never accept who you are.

I'm trying. I am doing everything to accept who I am.

It's like the whole- what don't you accept about yourself?

I don't accept being average. I won't accept that's their- But on average. But I, you know, I won't accept that.

What does average mean? In what area of life? In your career, as a stand-up comic, as a show host, as a girlfriend.

As a girl, like daughter. I just don't know why.

As a sister.

I mean, I just want the best of everything. And I always think that there's something better, I guess. And I don't, maybe that's it. I don't know what I don't accept about myself. I mean, clearly looks are a thing that are struggling with. You just have to get there, but I don't, easier said than done. And that's what I get, I get so mad, 'cause a lot of times, I think women, when I talk about these things, women who are so in the body positivity community, kind of bristle at me saying, I think looks matter, and I wish I were prettier, and it makes me depressed that I'm not. I can't help that and it would be a lie for me to be like, I love myself. And so I want to be there. I would kill to have that kind of Lizzo confidence. But it's just not there for me yet.

No, I get it. I mean, like my entire life, I feel very confident. I feel like I love myself. I believe in myself, but I've never had a six-pack. Like it's almost there, but it's like, gosh, I wish I didn't have like this little layer of like, fat in my stomach. And I've always had messed up teeth. And when I was 16, I also had eight teeth removed because I was going to get braces. I had my four wisdom teeth removed in St. Louis.

I had eight teeth removed. Shut my mouth up.

You did not.

I swear to God, people will never believe me when I said I had eight teeth removed. Look at this.

So they took out so many teeth. These two here, these two here, and then my four wisdom. So I got them taken out and I never got braces because it was football season coming up and I didn't want to have like a mouth guard.

And smash in there.

And so I went 20 probably it was miserable. I was like for two weeks just like oh rario with gauze in my mouth. It was so painful.

Misery. I remember getting those little cases of all my teeth.

Oh my gosh. It's nuts, right?

That's crazy.

And then I got braces.

You have great teeth.

They all shoved them together. Yeah, so I never got braces. 'cause I didn't want to, I was like kept pushing it off and it's been 20 years. And I'm always insecure about my smile and even though it doesn't look that bad, it's like you notice it. You know, when you're in the mirror.

And you notice it, you feel it.

You'Re like, ah, it's, it doesn't matter if people don't. I got gaps when you look on the side and it's like, I finally was like, you know what, six months ago I was like, screw it, I'm getting Invisalign. So I wear Invisalign now and I'm like, you know what, I don't even care, I'm just gonna smile and people are gonna see it and I'm gonna accept myself through the discomfort.

Yes.

It's not like perfect. It's not perfect. And people will say something, but I'm like, I'm working on myself to get better. Yes. So I want to be better. I'm not happy with where I'm at with my stomach, with my teeth, but it's like I'm training every day. I'm eating clean. I'm seeing improvement. And that's all I can do.

Yes.

I'm not 100% satisfied, but I still love and accept myself of where I'm at and where I'm going. And I'm proud of every single day.

Of taking the actions.

Okay. To improve. So it's like I feel the movement. It's getting better. I'm, you know, I'm taking care of myself. I'm eating clean. It's like the ritual every day in the routine, which is helping me, like, be okay and be in peace.

Yes.

As opposed to, like, looking myself in the mirror and be like, why are you so ugly every day? Like, because I used to be that way, too.

But you have money. You can do something like we can. Any. The problem is that I didn't have money. You have money. I know, but broke. Right, me too. But now that we do, you can do things to be hotter. Sure. No one would notice.

Sure.

No one, like everyone goes, don't get work done. Yeah, get the hot dejections and this and that. Yeah, but they look hotter because they've had it and the work is so good that you don't notice it. So I hate that argument. That's what I struggle with, is I can afford to spend money on- Should you do these things? Yeah, if it's there or should I make you happier? But will that, I mean, I'm not gonna be able to put it off forever. Eventually I will be in my like, 70s, and it's gonna all fade.

I think, I think, listen, if you want to do work on yourself or if you, if it's gonna make you happier, I think it's like a both and. I'm not saying, like, don't do work on yourself if you want to put, like, I'm not a fan of, like, injections and all these things in your face personally. Like, my personal preference when women do that. But if it's like, it's gonna make you feel something, you know, if you've got, like, I don't know. Your nose is all the way over to your side of face, and it really frustrates you every day, and you can fix it. Yes.

Okay, fix it. If your teeth are jacked up and you want to fix it, like, I'm fixing it.

I know.

I'm not doing veneers, but I'm doing, like, The fact that you said the braces thing, because I got Invisalign because I wanted to fix this one buck tooth, right?

This one.

You can't even notice it until you said it. It sticks out a little more than this. You have the Invisalign. I couldn't even see it. So I got Invisalign. It didn't work for me because they couldn't fix. This is the only reason I got it done. And they couldn't, I went through three years of Invisalign.

I'm not joking you.

Three different sets of like 14 different things. They tried different things. Yes. And they couldn't fix it. Sometimes it's just unmovable. And so I was like, I, but this bothers me. No one notices, but if ever I see it in every picture, it stops. Now I smell like this all the time. Shut up, no.

And I have a great smile and.

I do have a great smile. But it bothers me so much that I can't take it and I can't, so I'm like, I'm gonna get regular braces.

I'm gonna have six months of regular braces. It'll be amazing teeth and then it's.

Done for the rest of your life. Yes, and then it's done. It's done.

Time is happening. It's moving.

So I'm gonna get eight more teeth taken out so they can do the braces. I can't believe you had eight teeth all at the same time. Yes, one time. And no one ever believes me, but this was the This is me either. And people don't believe that we had to tell jokes to get Halloween candy. That's another St. Louis thing. You have to trick or treat, you.

Have to tell a joke. Did they say soda in St. Louis?

Yeah, we say soda.

I grew up saying pop in Ohio. Oh yeah, yeah.

So I always make fun of people saying soda.

And then I was like, okay, nah, it's soda.

Yeah, I wonder why you didn't have friends. What else is St. Louis thing that's different? Racism. Yeah, it's a different kind of kid. Yeah, it's true. Alcoholism. toasted raviolis. I mean, I love so many fun things.

Wait a minute. Is toasted ravioli not a thing anywhere else?

No, that's St. Louis thing.

Because I. When in school, we had toasted raviolis every day. Yeah.

In St. Louis.

And I was like, this is incredible. Yeah. You almost.

It was like, where's toasted ravioli to every restaurant I go to?

Yeah. It's only St. Louis. It's only St. Louis. I didn't know that.

Yeah.

They should put it everywhere.

What's the fritz's or fritz's or pizza? Emos. Oh, the thin crust is my jam. Yeah, it's so good. I never liked Chicago deep crust. Oh, I like it.

I like it all.

But you like deep. I like, well, I like a lot of, I like a thin crust and a lot of sauce. So the deep dish, you get a thin crust and, like, just all sauce. Yeah, it's, I don't know.

It's a, it's a mess. Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'm not big into pizza, but I have, so many, I have so many questions. I want to go for, like, three more hours with this. I know, I know. We could, we only have 10 minutes, so I need to be, I need to be intentional with my, my last few questions here.

What's the funniest joke you've ever told in your mind? The funniest joke you feel like you were like, man, now I hit It.

It like, I was in the pocket.

You know, one joke that I wrote that I was so proud of, 'cause it took a bit of work, man. Okay, so it was a roast joke that I did, and it was, 'cause I recently watched an old roast set of mine. As soon as I do a special, I just dump all the material and I truly forget all of it. People will be like, do that one joke, and I'm like, I don't even remember that subject matter. I don't even know where I'd begin to conjure up that joke.

Joke.

But this one, because it's a one-liner so the, the people on the, the first roast I did was the Bruce Willis. No, it was Rob, Rob Lowe and Ralph Macchio, Karate Kid, was on the dais. And then also Jimmy Carr, who is a comedian, was on the dais. And I said, you know, I was going through everyone, and then each person, you just go like, you say their name, and then you go into a joke about them. And I was like, Jimmy a Carr is what Ralph Macchio has to do to find a place to sleep at night. And that I love because I remember like trying to figure out what to say about either of them and I was like, Jimmy Carr, what's, if you Jimmy something, it's like getting in it in a car, God, if, if there was Jimmy Carr doesn't mean any, like, you can't Jimmy Carr, it would be Jimmy A Carr. Wait, what if his middle initial is A? It's f***ing A. His middle initial, it was like Alexander or something was his middle initial and I was like, this is a It's a joke from the heavens. Like the math just worked out on it. So that one was in terms of like working on it. That was one I was really proud of.

Do you feel like the space of comedy right now, everyone is super on their toes, like, you know, walking on eggshells of like, can I go this far? Am I allowed to talk about this subject? Or is it gonna ruin my career? You know, it's one tweet gonna ruin my career. It's one thing I said on a college tour gonna ruin it. It's one thing podcast, if I said something too far, is everyone gonna hold on to that for decades?

Yes.

As like, I'm this bad person, or I said something that can never be talked about, even though this is the profession of comedy.

It is scary, and I gotta be honest, I flirt with that line a lot because there's a part of me that wants to get it, wants like I'm really tired and I would like to, like, one of my jobs to get canceled.

Wow. So you're kind of like, I want to say whatever I want. I want to be free to say it.

And I know I'm a good person. I know I'm not racist. I know I'm not. I have, I have behaviors that are informed by the fact that I was raised in an all-white community and didn't grow up with black people around me. So there are things that I have to try so much harder to not be, not to not be racist. I was raised in St. Louis.

Which school did you go to again? Kirkwood.

Yeah. And we, we had black kids at our school.

I went to church.

Kirkwood for a little bit.

Really? Yeah. But I, I, what I'm saying is that I, I am not perfect by any means. And for someone to be like, I've never had a racist thought. It's like, you can't help sometimes if you have a racist thought. And it's not, never comes from me from a place of hate, but it just comes from a place of misunderstanding. And I'll admit to that. So if someone hears a joke I said and says, she's racist, I know I'm not, so I'm okay with that. And I have made peace with that. And if someone goes, you're sexist.

This.

You're whatever. You're a bad person. I just. I've struggled so much in my life thinking I'm a bad person, and I really have made peace with the fact that, no, you're not, Nikki. You were in pain, and maybe you lash out sometimes, but deeply, you want everyone in the world to be happy. I'm deeply empathetic. Yeah. I don't want to ever hurt anyone. So I just have to hold on to that. Because if I do get canceled, the thing that would devastate me the most is having people think I'm a bad person. And as long as if I focus and know that I'm not within myself, which is truly all that matters, then I don't need to be so scared all the time.

Yeah.

Because I think the people that are most scared are the people that are actually racist.

Wow.

And they should be scared, because, you know, I don't know. I just feel like the consequences for if I get canceled for something I've said that's really insensitive on a podcast 10 years ago, I will be able to look at that and be like, yuck. I shouldn't be allowed to work at that show because of those things that I said. There should be a punishment for that because you're not supposed to talk that way and it's a different time. So I feel, you know, sometimes the punishment doesn't fit the crime, but I'm willing to accept things I've said in the past that probably could get me canceled and be like, yeah, I said it and I regret it.

Yeah. God, I feel like I want to talk so much more. We have five minutes. So I'm gonna be kind and wrap it up. This is a question I asked everyone at the end. It's called the three truths question. So, imagine it's your last day on earth many years from now. You've lived hundreds of years, you've extended your life, you've done everything you want to do, you've done every comedy tour, you've hosted SNL 20 times, you own SNL, whatever it is you want to do, you've done it.

Okay. I'm a little sad.

You've got a husband who's the hottest man in the world who loves you and tells you how beautiful you are every single day. And every... We've done it. Amazing. Everything. He's got all the things, right? You've got everything you want. You've achieved everything.

Everything.

Everything you want, you've made happen. Okay.

Friends with Taylor Swift.

Everything. And it's your last day. And for whatever reason, this hypothetical situation, everything's got to go with you that you've created in the world. All your content, all your specials, all your work, all your. This podcast, everything's gone. It goes with you to the next place. Okay, but you get to leave behind three things you know to be true, three lessons you've learned in your life, three morals, three somethings that you would then share with the world. What would you say are your three truths?

Number one, I would say that animals have feelings and especially mammals, pigs and chickens and goats and cows and ducks have all the same feelings and in sadness and terror. They feel all those things that your little dog feels. The dog that you love so much that you never want to feel any, I was holding my dog yesterday. My parents are in town and I gave my dog to my parents because I couldn't have them in New York. But I got to hold her yesterday and I was just like, I just wanna, I don't want her to feel any anxiety ever. And then I was thinking about, she was shaking because she was cold and I was like thinking about all the animals right now. that have been born into these terrible lives where they're just born to die and they spend their whole lives terrified and shaking. And I just wish humans had more empathy for animals. Just because we're more intelligent does not mean that we, it just, it, I wish people could understand it and have this and everyone would make a move towards veganism. So that's what I'd wish people could really understand is like, yeah, I'm full vegan. It's hard and it sucks and I don't get to have things I love. But you don't get to do everything you want to do because sometimes it's not right. And what we're doing to animals is not right. And so that's one thing I would leave behind. Another thing I would leave behind is, I think women do things and men too. You don't have to do anything sexual you don't want to do. It is totally okay to make someone feel awkward about what they have just suggested you do. because I think a lot of times we just go, oh, I have to do this because he thought I was supposed to do this right now. So maybe I didn't get the schedule sent to me, but okay, so now's time. Okay, you can, you don't be scared to make a situation awkward because you feel unsafe. So many times things happen because you go, this guy is creeping me out, but I don't want to be weird and say that, so I'm gonna keep walking with him, even though his right behind me, he's not feeling safe. Instead of running or being like, what are you doing?

Yeah, make it awkward.

Because that would be awkward. Make it awkward. Make it awkward. get awkward. And also, meditate. Please meditate. It is the greatest gift to mankind is the ability to sit in silence. It's free. And it will change your life. And meditation is truly the one thing, like nothing has helped me as much with my anxiety and my depression as meditation. I was truly someone who was like really suffering and wanted to like, have. I was like, God, am I gonna have to get, like, lobotomized? Like, my thoughts are so dark and my life is so good, but I can't get out of this hole. And then when I started meditating, doing TM twice a day, it just saved my life. I haven't meditated in two days, and it's the longest I've gone in two years because my schedule has been so slammed here, and I'm off, man. And the coronavirus is happening. It is crazy. So meditation is the key. And let me just. One more truth about meditation. meditation. Anyone listening who says, I can't, and you just think you're special enough to be like, I'm too OCD, my thoughts are too much, I run too high strong, you're not special. Sorry, everyone feels that way about meditation. It is not about not having thoughts. I know that's scary. How could I not have thoughts? It's not about that. Anyone can meditate. I know you right now being like, I can't, I'm different. I have ADHD. I have this. Everyone can meditate, even you ADHD. You can meditate and it will improve your life so much and it's free. There is no excuse not to do it. You can do it. You can do it for a couple minutes.

It doesn't have to be 20 minutes.

It can be, and it's the gentlest practice.

You can't do it wrong. It's amazing. I love that. These are great truths. Thank you.

Thank you. Where can we support you? You can check out my tour dates at nikiglaser.com/tour and I have a podcast called youd Up and I also have.

A Sirius XM show called youd Up with Nikkiglaser every morning on Sirius Channel 95.

Comedy Central Radio.

You got that down.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, check her out on Instagram as well. You post a lot of comedy stuff, but also, I love the positivity post out there. Thank you. I appreciate you. I acknowledge you for showing up and constantly allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the messiness. For the fact that you talked openly about all these things for me is really inspiring. So I want to acknowledge you for that. I want to acknowledge you from being from St. Louis and we have that in common. We have eight teeth missing. So, I think it's really powerful that you're willing to open up and express yourself in the discomfort of like, I don't have it all figured out and I'm still trying to, you know, feel attracted to myself and I'm still trying to do this and I'm, I feel like I need to be great all the time and I'm scared of this. So I really want to acknowledge you for that because I think it's important.

For people to hear that. Yeah, I don't figure it out. Yeah, none of us do. But we're all trying and I think we need to be honest about trying because it feels bad when you see someone that does have it all together and you're like, I'll never be like them. I like hearing about the struggle. So thank you for letting me share it.

My final question for you is, what is your definition of greatness?

What is my definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is achieving happiness and being kind while doing it.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, please share it over on social media. Make sure to tag me. Tag Nikki and let her know what you thought of this episode as I'm sure she'd love to hear your thoughts. Also, please subscribe to the School of Greatness over on Spotify and on Apple Podcasts. And if you can, click that subscribe button and leave us a five star rating and review on Apple Podcasts as that helps us spread the message of greatness to more people. And you can truly make an impact on someone's life today just by texting them this link: lewishowes.com/impact slash 995. Or just take the link wherever you're listening to this on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you're listening to your podcast. And also, if you want inspirational messages from me every single week, just text the word right now on your phone, podcast. Text that word right now, podcast, to 614-350-3960, and you'll get text messages from me every single week. And don't forget, Laughter is the best medicine. And I don't know who said that, but there's a reason we all know this saying. I hope you remember that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter today. And as always, you know what time it is? It's time to go out there and do something great. Hey, everybody, it's Rob Lowe here.

If you haven't heard, I have a podcast.

That'S called Literally with Rob Lowe. And basically it's conversations I've had that really make you feel like you're pulling up a chair at an intimate dinner.

Between myself and people that I admire.

Like Aaron Sorkin or Tiffany Haddish, Demi.

Moore, Chris Pratt, Michael J.

Fox.

There are new episodes out every Thursday, so subscribe please and listen whenever you get your podcasts.

Some say Odoo business management software is.

Like fertilizer because of the way it promotes growth. Some say Odoo is like a magic beanstalk, scaling with you while being magically affordable. And some say Odoo's programs for manufacturing, accounting, and more are like building blocks for creating a custom software suite.

But I say Odoo is all of it.

Fertilizer magic beanstalk building blocks for business yeah Odoo exactly what every business needs sign up at odoo.com that's odoo.com.