How To BUILD INFLUENCE & Understand The Psychology of Persuasion w/ Robert Cialdini, Ph.D EP 1164

The kia sportage turbo hybrid has a bold design a spacious interior with two hundred and thirty two horsepower and a twelve point three inch panoramic display to keep the adventure going and fit with the way you live and with siriusxm every drive comes alive bringing you closer to the music the sports talk and podcasts that you love right in your vehicle or on the siriusxm and app every siriusxm equipped kia sportage turbo hybrid includes a three month trial so the experience begins the moment you drive learn more at kia dot com sportage hybrid kia movement that inspires this message is brought to you by apple card apple card members can earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases wherever they shop this means you could be earning daily cash on just about anything like a slice of pizza from your local pizza place or a latte from the corner coffee shop apply for apple card in the wallet app to see your credit limit offer in minutes subject to credit approval apple card issued by goldman sachs bank usa salt lake city branch terms and more at applecard dot com the school of greatness is sponsored by capital one nowadays most people subscribe to everything music tv even dog food and it rocks until you have to manage it all which is where capital one comes in capital one credit cardholders can easily track block or cancel reoccurring charges right from the capital one mobile app at no additional cost with one sign in you can manage all your subscriptions all in one place learn more at capital one dot com subscriptions terms and conditions apply this is episode number eleven sixty four with robert cialdini welcome to the school of greatness my name is lewis howes former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness thanks for spending some time with me today now let the class begin welcome back everyone my guest today is doctor robert cialdini and he is an award winning behavioral scientist who is known as the foundational expert in the science of influence and how to apply it ethically in business and elsewhere and his principles of persuasion have become the cornerstone for any organization serious about increasing their effectiveness in sales leadership marketing management and communication he is a three time new york times bestselling author with more than five million copies sold throughout the world he's back with a new expanded version of his best selling book influence the psychology of persuasion this book was critical in my personal self development journey over the last decade so i'm extremely excited to have spoken with robert and share with you what we're about to talk about today which is the seven principles of persuasion and how they can build influence in your life and business real life studies that showcase the power of these principles of persuasion today how changing the way you speak even slightly can make a drastic difference and this part blew my mind just simple little words can really transform everything the biggest mistake people make when trying to influence others and so much more that you're going to love about this episode i really geeked out during this because there's so much around human psychology that i feel like we can always learn about to just improve the quality of our life and our relationships and our business and more if you're inspired by this make sure to share this with someone that you think would be inspired as well quick reminder if you haven't subscribed to the school of greatness yet click the subscribe button right now over on apple podcasts or spotify you can check us out on youtube as well and follow us over on social media lewis howes as well as give us a rating and review over on apple podcasts because we like to share the fan of the week throughout every episode and today's fan of the week is from marcus who said i am on a mission to live my best life lewis howes school of greatness podcast is the rocket fuel getting me there this is my go to podcast for the tools and strategies that will help me live the life i imagine and being relentless and living in greatness isn't easy but this podcast and his guests remind me to keep going never give up greatness comes by staying true to who we are let the school of greatness podcast guide inspirational thought provoking life changing so marcus thanks for your review and your feedback you're the fan of the week we appreciate you again if you guys want to have the chance to be shouted out on the podcast go leave a review on apple podcast right now okay in just a moment the one and only doctor robert cialdini welcome back everyone to the school of greatness i am very excited about our guest doctor robert cialdini is in the house good to see you sir how you doing i'm well.

Louis good to be with you and.

Your followers yes i'm very excited about this for those that have been following me for a long time i read your book influence i think it was in two thousand nine when i read it maybe it's two thousand eight two thousand nine and within months literally within months my business started to take off my community started to grow and opportunities started to flood my way and i remember people telling me in the online marketing world you've got to read this book as i started to kind of launch my online marketing business in two thousand eight two thousand nine and i started to implement a few key principles that you have laid out in your book and again within weeks and months things started to come in and so i'd love to go over some of these principles first for people who haven't read your book there's been over five million copies sold so people need to get the book and go through it but for for those who haven't read it i'd love to go into it and then talk about the i guess is the next principle that you've discovered in in the expanded version of the book so i'd love to go over each one of these if you're if you're okay with worth going into that and also how you discovered these principles as main factors of influence what was the basis for the research the studies i know you have hundreds of peer reviewed studies that kind of back and prove these things but and and kind of go through it so the the first one which is i think is reciprocity reciprocation i guess you call it yeah why is that it's kind of like the old give and take you know let me give you something and then you want to give me something in return how did that come about as a main i guess law of influence for you well you know it.

Came about in the way that all of them did which was that i decided i needed to get out of my laboratory and off my college campus to really understand what were the factors that moved people powerfully and consistently in the direction of a communicator's request or proposal or recommendation i did it by answer answering ads for to be trained to be trained in any of the major influence professions of our society i took training in how to sell automobiles how to sell insurance how to sell portrait photography over the phone but i didn't stop there i also did the same thing infiltrated training programs incognito disguised identity disguised intent they didn't know why i was there i was there to learn what they had learned over decades and decades of what moves people in their direction so i did that with fundraisers i did it with recruiters i even did it with cult specialists how do the cults get us to move into their orbit and keep us there and what i looked for were the commonalities what worked across all of those various influence professions whose economic livelihood after all depends on the success of getting people to say yes to them and what i found just shocked me in how small the footprint was i only counted six universal principles of influence that seemed to work in each of those domains to move people and the first one as you rightly suggested was the rule for reciprocation that says people feel a drive to give back to others who have first given to them so there are a lot there are a lot of different ways that we can move people in our direction one is if people see that they owe us they say yes to us they say yes to the next request we make of them so what it means is that we have to go first we have to give benefits we have to give information we have to give advantages we have to give concessions and that flows back to us by the way rule that exists in every human culture turns out the anthropologists have shown us there's not a single human society that fails to train its its youth in this rule you must not take without giving in return so what it tells me is that we have to flip the script of the usual business arrangement with people where we say to them you do something for us first you buy my product you sign my contract you make an agreement with me a commitment to me and then i will give back to you what i hope you will accept this one says yeah that's fine but there's another route where we go first we give and then people want by this rule to give to us there's a lovely study that was it's not even published yet conducted in mcdonald's restaurants in colombia and brazil so you know in south america where they did a promotion one week every family that came in the kids got a balloon as a nice thank you for coming in half of them got the balloon as they were leaving each of the kids got a balloon thank you for you know patronizing mcdonald's please come again the other half got the balloon as they entered those families sales went up yeah twenty five percent more food wow now here's the thing for.

A balloon for a balloon a simple little ten cent balloon for a balloon.

Now here's the thing i love about that if you look into the data closely that twenty five percent increase in buy included twenty percent higher coffee orders the kids weren't offering getting the coffee the parents were the parents were grateful for what their kids got and they were going to buy more this has to do with the last principle that we'll talk about later the principle of unity but here's the takeaway any favor you do for my child you have.

Done for me interesting you make my child happy i'm happier and i want.

To thank you and i'm good that's right i'm not just thankful i'm obligated i'm both grateful and obligated by this rule to do to give in return.

Why do we feel yeah why do we feel this obligation is it trained culturally or society is it kind of innate in our human dna or our psychology or the way our brain works the chemistry why are we why do we feel obligated to give something in return when someone gives something to us.

Because the first of your candidates i think is the major one that we are socialized from childhood into this rule because that rule if it exists in any culture makes the culture thrive because people give back and forth it allows them to be specialized in a particular area where they can have an input and then somebody gives them something that they don't have in their particular area and it also allows people to cooperate toward a common goal if this rule didn't exist why would i ever give something first to you with the risk of losing it for the first time in evolutionary history now there is a rule that allows us to give something without giving it away we don't give it away it comes back to us and so we're now freed to begin economic exchanges that require that we trust the other person will not just take this so you know in every human language we have very nasty names for people who take without giving in return and we don't want to be saddled with those names i know in english.

We call them moochers right yes i've been that in my life when i had no money and i was broke and i was sleeping on my sister's couch for about a year and a half i was a moocher because i was like and it doesn't feel good you know mooching off my sister eating her food you know not paying rent not working and i was like that's when i started studying your work.

You can't wait i mean you're on the balls of your feet waiting to get in a position to help in return when she might need something oh and.

That'S that's all i wanted to do is constantly give back and it's funny because i was talking about this a couple days ago actually for the last i don't know eight years i feel very uncomfortable when i go to dinner or lunch or coffee with someone i feel very uncomfortable for them paying for me i almost always pay almost always unless someone is like somehow sneaks their credit card in before me with the waiter or something and it's because for almost two years i couldn't like everyone else had to pay for me and i feel i i feel obligated to pay the debt back isn't that interesting i feel obligated it's been a decade and i still feel like i just need to keep paying and paying like i feel the obligation and you know i don't feel bad about it it just feels hard to receive because i know that was a mooch for almost two years and you know you're i believe you're close with adam grant who talks about this in his book give and take and then there's another book called giftology by john rulin i'm not sure if you've heard of john gift.

Both of those i've read and recommend.

Yeah the principles of kind of giving first and not waiting for someone to buy but giving first i'm curious in the online marketing world where it seems like every website is trying to give you something to opt in is there ever too much saturation of giving where people or diminishes the opportunity to connect or someone to opt in or to buy is there ever kind of too much saturation where it numbs us or is this always going to work well.

It is diminished where we don't see the gift as something genuine but just as a device that you give to everybody you're not trying to benefit me you're trying to just get me to feel obligated so for me there's good evidence on this it the more we can personalize what we give the more people feel like they really want to give back and here's another study that shows that it's also in a fast food restaurant people came into the shop and half of them were greeted warmly and then went to the counter another group of them was given a gift a little key ring a nice expensive keyring and the third group was given a small cup of yogurt now those who were given the keyring bought twelve percent more food than those who weren't given anything just as we said right but those given the yogurt bought twenty four percent more food why is that why do you go to a restaurant because you're hungry you're hungry so if you give me some food i personalize the gift to your challenges your needs what you prefer in that moment and i double your likelihood so it's not.

A random gift it's something you came in for already some hunger i wonder if they did an extra study where it said you get to choose the flavor and it was specialized to you even more i wonder how that would.

Work but that's a that's interesting i don't know there's there's another principle of social proof that we'll get to later yes that says if i let's say it's a dessert it was in a mcdonald's and they have various kinds of additions you can put on you know sprinkles or oreos if you if you tell people what the most popular addition is it it raises the willingness to get additions by forty five percent wow so we'll get to that the idea that you can ask people and give them an option and tell them in the in the process what a lot of people like them prefer yes i.

Think yeah i think of see's candy where you go in they give you a piece of free chocolate like you get to kind of pick the chocolate yeah yeah you're liking it's like yeah i want this piece and they always give a free piece of chocolate to anyone and sometimes they'll give you a couple pieces where it's like now i want to buy more it's just this feeling of obligation of like of course i want to buy and just the fact that you know you can go into the store and get a free piece you could walk out if you want to but just the knowing i can go into see's candy store i can get a piece of chocolate i want yeah i'm gonna feel like obligated so i'm gonna do it anyways but.

To your question how do you do this online yes how do you personalize well if you have a particular expertise right and you know that people are following you because they want that particular thing you give them something like the top three things you can do to enhance your success on this particular topic in this particular dimension that you're that you're here for or here are the top five mistakes that people should avoid in buying insurance or selecting you know motorcycle parts what whatever it is right it shouldn't be something that specifically enhances your business because that is seen as a device now that's just you're just promoting yourself no what will make you a better consumer a better reviewer a better decision maker in this particular field give that first right people will feel indebted for that yeah i'm always of.

The mindset of like give as much of your best stuff up front for free like give as much value as possible and let people just be like man this is unbelievable this is the authority which we'll go into a little bit later and when you showcase your value and people realize wow no one else in this space is giving like this i trust this person more i like this person more you know all the things that we're going to talk about here is there i agree with.

You on that and there are people who argue with me that no no no don't give away your best stuff no no you'll save that wait a minute how do people know what your best stuff is unless you give them.

A sample of it you got to give a sample is there a diminishing return based on the season of your gift giving for example it doesn't seem like there is with see's candy when people come in they've been doing this for probably decades where you get a free piece of chocolate but talking about in maybe the online marketing world or online business world if you're just giving the same pdf or video series or audio series for three five ten years in a row are there diminishing returns for that season should we be changing up the give every six to twelve months have you seen any research around.

That yes we should because it turns out that what we give if it is new if it is unexpected it increases the likelihood of the amount that people give back to us interesting and because it's once again not just the.

Same thing the school of greatness is brought to you in partnership with airbnb the holidays are such a special time to travel and gather with loved ones think about some of your best trips those cozy spaces thoughtful touches and the feeling of being right at home wherever you are now imagine getting to provide that same experience for someone else because when you travel your place is just sitting empty while you're away hosting on airbnb can be a no brainer and in a season where new experiences creating lasting memories it's a unique way to help others make their own and martha and i both travel a lot especially with her family in mexico and mine all over the usa so we know what it's like to be on the go during the holidays and from our experience hosting has always been easy and straightforward and whether you're traveling often or just once in a while it can be a simple way to earn a little extra while you're away your home might be worth more than you think find out how much at airbnb dot com host the holidays are here and with them comes all the cheer and the spending and i think we've all felt the pressure of finding the perfect gift for the perfect price and those prices are sure giving us a run for our money you know how it goes one gift turns into ten you're trying to stay on budget and before you know it you've spent half a day scrolling comparing prices and wondering if you should have just gotten everyone gift cards it can feel a little stressful trying to make it all feel special without breaking the bank but luckily you can get the holiday savings at metro with the most wonderful deal of the season get one line of five g for only dollar twenty five a month and a five year price guarantee on talk text and data the best part is that you can keep the phone you love and keep your number and no activation fees and that's what i'm talking about a deal that actually lasts five years locked in that's peace of mind right there at metro get that more for your money feeling visit your local store today twenty five dollars a month with autopay thirty dollars your first month guarantee exclusions apply see site for details cold mornings holiday plans this is when you need your wardrobe to just work stuff that looks sharp feels good and you'll actually reach for quint makes gifting easy when everything's worth keeping for yourself by partnering directly with trusted factories that maintain high standards for craftsmanship and ethical practices quint cuts out the middlemen and markups that means premium quality at half the cost of other high end brands so you can give luxury pieces without the luxury price tag and it goes beyond their clothes quince also has incredible home and bedding options to make your home cozy this season martha and i have the european linen duvet cover set from quince and let me tell you the duvet set is so soft and high quality we highly recommend get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quince don't wait go to quint dot com lewis for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns now available in canada too that's q u i n c e dot com slash l e w i s free shipping and three hundred sixty five day returns quince dot com.

Lewis it it's more personalized it's you've updated it for us so that makes it feel you know more unique yeah.

Unique and rare and interesting and all these things what else around reciprocation should we be aware of that's important for us and is there any downside yeah to how much you can give like is there yeah you know i'm spending so much money on this give and it's not working in terms of making me money is there a downside there.

Well there is a downside and i'll give you an example what i found is a mistake that people make after they have done something that is truly beneficial to a group or an audience or an individual let's say an individual you've done something and that person comes back to you and says louis thank you i can't tell you how important that was for me it was it it really did pull me out of the the problem i was in and i can't tell and here's what i used to say when people would ah listen don't think anything of it no big deal i would have done you know it's part of the job would have done it for anybody you've just slapped the rule of reciprocity out the window where it dominates that situation you really did go out of your way you really did go above and beyond and you've diminished it so here's what i recommend that you say you say of course i was glad to do it it's what partners do for one another don't forget the addendum for one another that's the mistake that people very much of you have to put it on the map you have to acknowledge you don't diminish it you don't dismiss it you put it on the map and you say it's what we do for one another that little is record is ready to give back to you wow now that's for somebody that you've had a relationship it's what friends do it's what partners do for one another business partner what if it's somebody who you've helped for the first time you don't have a lasting relationship what do you say then here's what i would recommend again i was glad to do it i know that if the situation were ever to be reversed you do the same for me yeah you do the same for me again you've put the person on record yes yeah i did do you a favor and i know you're the kind of person who plays by the rules the key is not to say oh i know if the situation had been reversed you would have done the same for me that's in the past that will never happen you say if the situation would be reversed you would do the same for me you're going to get the next.

Request you ask for wow the subtleties of how we communicate are so important in creating the life of our dreams and struggling consistently i think the little nuances you know chris voss who i think you know as well i do talks about this in his work never split the difference just the little subtle communication you know the way we communicate the words we use at the specific time can drastically transform our life for good or not for good and i think we want to learn how to use these tools the communication styles ethically in an empowering way so that everyone benefits there's a win win win in every interaction that's what i think what.

We'Re all looking for that's what gets you long term profitable relationships people who are who are with you who trust you who recognize that hey you're a straight shooter i can work with this person on into the future and do.

Well yeah i would see my father do this my dad was in the insurance business for thirty three years and i would see him always going to the local shop we were in a small town in delaware ohio so it was a very small community and i would always see him you know buying from all the local people and then them buying from him and just like building those relationships he would send them you know gifts this was like snail mail days where he would like write them letters and he would find newspaper clippings about them and write a little thoughtful note and send it to them just kind of constantly in that giving mentality and i saw it work for him you know for decades in the insurance business of the kind of the old school pre internet social media days and you can do it online offline this law this principle works you know.

I have a colleague she's my speaker's agent in europe and she has a client very big client but who's a slow pay he doesn't pay for six months and all her friends in the business say oh this guy you know he's a big client we need him but he won't pay our invoices and she asked me about it i said well what do you know about him she said well he lives in a different city than i do so i don't know a lot i just know that he's an art lover i said oh listen go to your local art galleries and museums where they have these little postcards you know that show the pictures of the exhibitions that they have on display and their permanent work and so on and put one in the mail with your invoice.

I love that.

She said it cut time in half.

That'S brilliant that's brilliant if you want to get paid you got to do things a little differently you got to stand out i think that's fascinating put.

A put a starbucks card in with.

The invoice something could be twenty five bucks it doesn't have to be yeah.

Thank you for your business yeah and now they're ready to say now they're the ones who are saying thank you and they do it by standing things.

Like that absolutely yeah i love this anything else about reciprocation before we think.

We'Ve covered our basics i love it.

I think it's such an important rule and it's yeah and it's it's something that if you're not thinking of this if you're not coming in my opinion if you're not coming from a giving heart first and wanting to add value wanting to be of service wanting to give it's just going to be harder to sustain relationships long term with your business your intimate relationships your family relationships if you're always being the moocher or the taker and so just come from a place of service first and i think you'll always win out in the win win win situation in the long.

Run we are on the same page there yes you come from a position of service what can you provide that enhances the other person's outcomes first and then as a side effect they will want to enhance yours absolutely the the.

Next principle is commitment and consistency and i get this question so often robert about people asking me about you know how have you built your online business or how have you got your podcast to go so big what's the secret what's the hack what's the trick to help me launch my podcast as fast as you did and i literally tell people commitment and consistency over i'm like i'm going to give you the most boring answer of how i've built you know one of the biggest shows podcasts in the world ye which has been eight and a half years showing up every single week being extremely committed to my vision my mission of serving people and being so consistent never missing a week for eight and a half years and when you do things consistently with a level of commitment to your vision it starts to pay off so can you explain more about commitment and consistency.

I mean that is very that is primal what you just said you have to have within yourself a commitment to your vision and a consistent movement toward it in ways that really do advance toward your goals but we also need to recognize that the people we want to influence also value consistency in themselves right so one thing we can do is to find existing value or an existing preference of theirs and show how what we offer them is consistent with that value their vision their commitment and then they will want to move in our direction because of a drive to be congruent with their existing preferences and values and previous choices right can you.

Give an example around that here's one.

That there was a study done in chicago restaurant owner not this time a server but a restaurant owner.

Who was.

Having a problem with no shows people who weren't being consistent they would call they would make a they would make a reservation and then they wouldn't appear for it and he went and he listened to what his receptionist would say when she took a booking and she would say thank you for calling gordon's restaurant please call if you have to change or cancel your reservation he asked her to change two words you were saying a minute ago you know it's remarkable how just changing a word or two it makes a big difference he asked her to change two words instead of saying please call he asked her to say will you please call if you have to change or cancel your reservation and then he asked her to pause if i said to you will you please call and i paused what would you fill that pause with of.

Course yes yeah yeah of course so it's them reciprocating and saying yes i will a commitment you've made a commitment.

Interesting no shows dropped by sixty seven percent because people were on record as publicly committing themselves to that act because we all want to be it's a value to live up to what we say we prefer that image of ourselves.

Be our word yeah yes and so.

You make people make that commitment explicit yes i will now you've given them something to be consistent with because please.

Call is more of an ask it's not it's more like a suggestion it's not a an ask with a commitment attached to it the most brilliant thing.

About his recommendation was asking her to pause so people had to make an active commitment yeah here's another one i love this one guy called me a couple years ago he's the boy scout leader and he says to make money for our troop we've arranged with a supermarket that we put tables outside the doors and we sell popcorn to people who come out of the supermarket to help the boy scouts right and he said our results are dismal we're getting like fifteen percent well i can understand why because first of all people if they wanted popcorn they would have bought it in the in the and they've already expended their budget right and they're tired and they're okay so i said so what do you say when they come they said would you like to buy some popcorn if you do you could support the boy scouts i said try this say excuse me do you support the boy scouts everybody says yes.

Yes you say no i don't support the boy scouts yeah you're like a.

Bad person who doesn't have as a value or the boy scouts right preference he says well if you would if you do would you like to buy some popcorn that will support us now fifty five percent go from fifteen to fifty five and here's what he said to me he called me up he said this is amazing because the people who don't want the popcorn say i don't want your popcorn but i'll give you a donation because i support the boy scouts amazing so they're making they're making a profit without even having to sell the popcorn that's amazing because they get people to first make a commitment how do you ask the question so people say yes to the direction you would like them to move before you ask them to move in that direction.

Yeah i'm reminded of having so many flashbacks of early two thousand ten s where i studied your book and i was studying everyone else in kind of behavioral psychology and influence and persuasion and marketing and i'm reminded of oh my gosh is it frank lutz frank luntz lutz lutz yes words that work or he had all these examples kind of similar to what you created where it's like if you just change this one word all these other things could happen in your favor and it's so fascinating that you're giving these suggestions and testing these things for the boy scouts and all these people and it's seeing these increases just with a couple little tweaks and if we learn these things and i know you've got all this stuff in your book as well but if we start to really learn these things it's just the result can be incredible.

For a return on investment that's over the top the the investment is one more breath that's it will you you.

Know the pause yes and a pause.

It'S costless so what i so i don't know how many of the people who listen are managers or have to run teams from time to time where you have a team meeting and everybody has a task to do before the next meeting here's what i say don't let anybody out of that room until you say will you be able to complete that task by our next so.

When so we do our team calls on mondays and if we have kind of each person go around and share like what's the one thing they're going to accomplish this week or the big task of the week how should we phrase that to get their buy in and their commitment on that what you.

Say to them is do you think you will be able to accomplish this or make progress toward it before our next meeting and if they say no i don't you know you can say well what can you get some help with it do you need more resources do you need to put something else to the side you can then work on getting to yes right but if they do say yes i'm able you have now motivated them to put that higher in the priority list of what they're going to do because they've made a commitment yes they've made a public commitment to everybody that they're going to.

Do it and no one wants to break their commitment no one wants to break their word you do it over and over again you kind of lose confidence in yourself you know your self worth goes down your i guess your likability with yourself kind of probably goes down because you're always breaking your commitment to yourself and other people right that's.

A really good point on a lot of people when we talk about this say oh well your reputation with others will go down if you break it what you've pointed to is something just as powerful you want to live up to your own standards and so you will take steps to make sure you you live up to your commitments absolutely.

Absolutely so what's one thing if i'm trying to get someone to listen more regularly on the show or watch the youtube channel on a weekly basis what's something i could ask to the listeners or the viewers to get them committed to showing up consistently what would be something you'd suggest or for anyone who has a show that's you know has that they want to get their listeners to be more consistent what would you.

Suggest i would say i'd begin by asking for something small like could you listen to last week's podcast or any of the following and tell me and then say to yourself was that worth it and would you like to get that kind of benefit regularly i'm going to make a commitment to you if you do you will get that i'm gonna i select my guests and i do my homework so that there is value for you in each of our programs and if you would be willing to make that commitment to me i have made i'll make this commitment to you you will get value i love.

That okay awesome anything else around commitment or consistency that we should know about.

Okay here's another thing where you change one word yes again let's say you're a manager and you've got a goal that your team is making progress toward and they're advancing and they're halfway there and what we're always supposed to do is to congratulate them on the movement that they've made and on their progress that's a mistake to use the word progress to congratulate people on their progress because what you've asked them to do is look behind them at where they have been and what's happened so far and their movement and a lot of times people say oh okay they're satisfied i'm satisfied now i can coast a little bit here right if instead you don't say congratulations on your progress that you've made toward the goal it's congratulations on your commitment to this goal to.

Finishing this now they're looking forward wow are you ready to finally hit your target nutrient levels every day meet groons the daily snack pack of gummies isn't just a multivitamin it's not just a green gummy and it's not just a prebiotic it's all of that rolled into one and then some at a fraction of the price and they taste great here's what makes them stand out while most multivitamins only cover seven to nine vitamins grooms bring together over twenty vitamins and minerals plus more than sixty nutrient dense whole food ingredients and those ingredients are known to support things like gut health energy immunity recovery cognition and even beauty because it's in gummy form your body has an easier time absorbing it also we have packs in our studio and they've been a game changer for everyone in the studio we've run out so quickly no powders no handfuls of pills just a pack of tasty gummies and i'm fueling my body with the nutrients it needs use code greatness at gr to save up to fifty two percent off your first order that's code greatness at gruns co for up to fifty two percent off this show is sponsored by betterhelp you know the holidays can feel a lot like balancing family expectations travel work and trying to make everything perfect it's easy to forget to take care of yourself in the middle of it all i've been there and what i've learned is that when you don't make space to slow down it's hard to actually enjoy the moments that matter most that's why betterhelp is encouraging you to rewrite your traditions this season by making time for you incorporating therapy into your routine can help you pause reflect stay grounded during what can be joyful but sometimes hectic or even lonely time of the year the holidays look different for everyone maybe it's baking your great aunt's sweet potato pie or maybe it's starting something new like a quiet night with friends therapy can be one of those new traditions too betterhelp matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences and if it's not the right fit you can switch anytime this december start a new tradition by taking care of you our listeners get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com lewis that's betterhelp dot com lewis.

And the research shows they're significantly more likely to reach that goal on time if you use the word commitment to.

It then progress toward it congratulations on your commitment to this goal so not even don't even add congratulations on the progress of your commitment to this goal to say congratulations on the commitment to your mom we're doing great things and we're we're we're almost there let's finish it off right okay congratulations on the commitment i'm writing this down i like that a lot.

Your commitment make sure it's their commitment your commitment to this.

Goal okay yeah i hope everyone's taking notes as well like me i love this this is powerful me too i love this commitment and consistency i always.

Love this stuff you know this i was always a curious teenager and young man about how did this work like that how did people get me to say yes to things i wasn't really interested in you know i didn't want.

To buy this yeah i didn't want.

This this thing it must be the way they presented it the psychology of.

It yes yes the next principle is social proof and i've always been fascinated by this i think there's there's stories in the book that that go into some of these examples but i'm always fascinated by the one of just like okay there's two coffee shops or two donut shops or whatever there's the same type of store one's got a long line and the other has no line and then most people go into the one with a long line because it just shows a social proof case study of people want this thing then it must be good can you explain more of this concept of social proof well.

Yes and i want to compliment you on that particular example because not only does it show the principle of social proof that says when i'm uncertain about what to do i use the responses of other people the choices of other people to steer me in that direction it reduces my uncertainty we're so persuaded.

But to want to wait in line just because everyone else wants the thing it's like the nightclub where it's like they make you wait outside in line yeah you want to go in there.

You know exactly so that's the that's the extra point that i think you raised with that example you're willing to go and wait in line and incur all the inconvenience because this rule is.

So powerful crazy you'll wait ten twenty thirty minutes for the same cup of coffee right or whatever it is you know it's like a lot of times i mean i haven't been in a nightclub and i don't know ten years or something but a lot of times you would go into the nightclub and you're like this is not that good let me get out of here you just waited an hour to go something you didn't really like one of here's a story that for me that this worked incredibly well when i learned this principle at two thousand nine i learned this from you and it worked i was like this is fascinating i remember getting a big press opportunity i was in a big i don't know five page spread of details magazine the magazine's no longer around i don't think but details magazine i remember it it was a big magazine back in the day it was kind of like a gq type of thing and i got an email from one of the main writers there saying i'm doing a story about online marketers who can help you earn more money and i've got tim ferriss that i'm featuring gary vaynerchuk seth godin and i want to include you and it was maybe one or two other people and he was like we're gonna fly you out to new york city we're gonna do a big photo shoot the whole thing i was a nobody robert i was a nobody no one even knew who i was i had a very small following when i was teaching linkedin strategies back in two thousand eight so i had a small micro community and but i was nobody compared to tim ferriss and gary vaynerchuk and all these other people and i said yes right away and i went there and did this shoot and it was like this big spread in details magazine and it was like a massive opportunity for me and i remember after it was published i asked the writer i didn't want to ask him beforehand but i asked the writer hey why did you choose me why did you want to have me in this this featured magazine and he said i saw someone retweet one of your tweets and i went to who was influential to me i saw them retweeted then i went to your link in your bio and i saw your website and on the website at the very top i saw that you were featured in time magazine and fast company and a few other places and he said right away i saw that you were featured in these other places and i thought if you were good enough for them you were good enough for details magazine and that was pretty much all the research he did before reaching out to me and there was two levels of social proof one someone sharing a message that i put out there on twitter that he saw so someone else was talking about it and then seeing the the logos of the other press that i had gotten which was very small you know mentions it wasn't like these featured articles but it was showing where i'd been featured and he said because other people desired you and wanted to talk about you i figured you were good enough for us yep and that that small change that i learned from you helped just unlock so much more and i think if people just understood the subtleties of just showcase where you've been featured just make sure you're showing these things so people are aware it'll bring new.

Opportunities right and i mean that's that's the the essence of social proof yes what are people around me like me doing or what have they been doing that reduces my uncertainty about what i should do in that situation and it works in all kinds there is this lovely little study in a pub in uk in london where one day the proprietor put up a sign on the bar that said this week our most popular beer is our porter right porter.

Sales doubled just by saying this week our most popular is wow we all.

Have our most popular item product feature payment plan all we have to do is point to the one that is and people say oh i can stop asking about where i should go or what i should no here's a reason for me to stop searching and choose.

Right now well i feel like we're all suckers for this i mean not in a bad way but when i go to a restaurant that i've never been to i just ask the waiter i don't even look at the menu i just say what are the three most popular items or what are the three things you like the most on the menu and they'll say well this one's great i love this one the most and this is the most popular one and then i make a decision based on that typically because i don't want to look through everything and try to find something i just want to know what do other people like what do you like what's the recommendation right and you know i'm sure on amazon they're probably the masters at all this but they're showing amazon's recommended choice all the time when you search into something i buy that recommended choice pretty much every time it's got the most reviews it's got the credibility it's got all.

These things you know i do the same thing when i go to a restaurant where i am not familiar with the menu i just add one other thing that i when i say so tell me what are your most popular items in the ad appetizer category how about the mains how about the desserts and so whatever i'm interested soup whatever and i say of your regulars tell me the people who are your regulars what's the most popular of theirs they're essentially the verified buyers on amazon yes yeah that we all listen to the most right your regulars they've already done the beta testing for me i don't have to call over the menu and test so what's so that idea i.

Mean i wonder if i've never seen a menu do that in each category i've seen sometimes like one item that says like our most popular item but i wonder if they did it in appetizers salads soups you know entrees desserts they put the top like the star most popular item here in each category i bet those things would get so.

Much more sales louis i can give you confirmation there was a study done in beijing shows you how cross culturally extended this principle is restaurant managers put a little asterisk next to certain items in each of the categories and each one became thirteen to twenty percent more purchased and what did the asterisk stand for this is one of our most popular items i bet you could start.

To predict as a business owner a restaurateer what ingredients you need more of based on the consistency of just that one difference of putting an asterisk or most popular whatever you want to do it you can start to predict the sales every week of okay i'm not going to buy an excess of all these other ingredients because we know that only twenty percent of people are going to buy these other lower choices you can start to increase the profit margin you can start to predict things better there's so many things that would happen in your benefit it well here's the.

Best part of it and i bet.

People are happier because they're making a choice they think is the best choice right and they enjoy it more psychologically they're like oh i'm doing what everyone.

Else loves that's the best part because not only are you reducing their uncertainty if you've truly pointed to the genuinely most popular you're giving them a better experience and they're going to come back.

They'Re going to come back and also you're going to become better at making that thing better because you're working on that thing more you're going to make sure it's great every time like just it's just all these things are going to level you up the entire experience i love this and it doesn't have.

To be any one thing it can be a couple of things within the advertise the appetizer category and so top.

Two most popular choices yes anything else around social proof that we should be.

Aware of no i think this is well the biggest is it shouldn't just be many others it should be comparable others we most reduce our uncertainty of what to do in a situation by looking at what those like us have done there interesting so one thing we can do is let people know that you know like on the hotel sites what they will do is segment their market and say the best hotels as rated by business people the best for leisure travelers the best for romantic couples the best for people with families and so now you dive right in there and you say that's that's where i'm going to go to get my information.

That'S smart yeah specializing it to people that are like you or doing something like you i love that and speaking of liking someone the next principle is liking and what is the difference between liking and likability well you can become.

You get liking by being likable but nobody would be surprised to hear that here's what's worth knowing from the research and that is there are two very small things we can do that cause people to like us more right one is to point to similarities between the two of us right the comparabilities and because people like those who are like them yes right there was a study of negotiators who were doing bargaining over email and if before they began to bargain they traded information about one another right so they could personalize the other person you know they found that stymied negotiations went from thirty percent to six percent wow just by sending now here's the key when the researchers looked at the data they found that it wasn't those who sent the most information back and forth about themselves and you know kind of made themselves human it was whether in the information there were parallels.

Similarities you're a runner i'm a runner.

Yes you're an only child i'm an only child those were the things that created the willingness to give the other person grace in a negotiation so you don't walk away with a stymied deadlocked nothing burger where nobody wins right right.

So that's the first thing having shared similarities within each other what's the second.

Thing praise compliments wow i'm going to admit to something here this is my biggest fallback this is this is my biggest mistake i have a very difficult time giving warranted praise really to people.

Why is that it was the one.

Way i grew up my parents didn't do it they were always well they would say that but they wouldn't say oh great job on that in that game or you really you know did terrific because they didn't want me to take it easy they always wanted me.

To push a little harder push a.

Little harder so i can't tell you how many times you know i was a before i retired a research psychologist and how many times in meetings research meetings with my graduate students i would hear myself say oh that's a brilliant thing that lewis just said or oh what sarah how sarah just phrased that is exactly what we should say in our study but you want to say and i say it to myself i didn't and i missed all the goodwill that would come from just translating it from my mind to my tongue and now i don't do that anymore i make sure that anytime i hear myself praise somebody in my head i hear myself say it in my ears because i say it out loud that's good yeah i can't tell you the effect it's had on the social interaction and goodwill in those sessions and with my.

Students you know what's fascinating again i have applied so many of these principles throughout my the last ten twelve years i guess when i was getting started a lot of people are listening they've fallen for a while they know my story i got started using linkedin to kind of of build relationships and connections and then from there started helping people how to use linkedin to get opportunities and jobs and you know investors and all these different things and the first few months of using linkedin back in two thousand seven two thousand yeah late two thousand seven i would email people and message people and very few would reply to me and i was reaching out to kind of influential ceo's and business leaders because i was trying to build relationships i was trying to interview them early on to ask them questions and just learn from them and very few would give me the time of day and then i started to implement this strategy from your book of liking right and also kind of social proof in there as well and i started emailing and i said to myself in the first sentence i've got to incorporate this so i would look and do research on their profile and i'd see what are the similarities how do we know how do we know each other how do we know friends of friends that's why i think social networking is a great tool to use because you can usually see if you have common friends and i would i would always talk about like oh i see that we have bob and sarah and tom as mutual friends there's a there's a similarity i would see where did they go to school where are they from did they play sports because it tells you their hobbies their interests their associations you know i see that you're a public speaker i'm in toastmasters right now i see that you played football i just finished playing arena football whatever it is i would try to add three levels of similarities within the first sentence and by doing that i believe i think i got like eight or nine out of ten replies every time whereas maybe i was only getting one or two out of ten replies before then just by adding that and also by acknowledging something in their career they did that i felt inspired by so i would add the similarities and then i would also try to find out what did they do in their career i would research them a lot and say i really like when you put this out i really like how you did this thing and i acknowledge them for that and then i would say i would love to learn more about how you did this before i would say can you give me advice can i take ten minutes of your time where you teach me these things yeah then i said no one wants to give advice and give up when they're busy and give them their time yeah but people love to tell the story of their success and how they overcame the challenge so i rephrased it and i would get so many different connections from that because i didn't ask for advice i just was inspired by their story wanted them to share and by listening they gave me all the advice in.

The world you know it seems to me you've hit the two principal pillars of liking then similarity and praise and yeah so not only do we like the people who are like us we like the people who do like us and say so praise compliments we like the people who give us compliments and and as a result we want to do business with them we want to interact with them we want to say.

Yes to them let's face it everyone's.

Juggling long busy days that's why icebreaker's.

Gum is made for the go getters with flavor crystals that deliver a bold cooling effect icebreakers keeps you refreshed and ready to take on whatever's next and here's a bonus the pack fits perfectly in your car cupholder or bag so it's within reach when you need it.

Most grab icebreaker's gum online or at.

A store near you the holidays are back at starbucks so share the season with a peppermint mocha starbucks signature espresso.

Velvety mocha and cool peppermint notes topped.

With whipped cream and dark chocolate curls together is the best place to be.

At starbucks.

Praise it's such a simple.

Thing and it's and it's again it's costless yes i mean but what you did is the right thing if you give a phony compliment you know it's just going to ring it's not going to ring true but if you really research them really think about who they are and understand what their challenges are where they came from what challenges they've overcome and you praise that it's genuine.

It rings true absolutely absolutely i love this liking is huge again two things that we can do to get more people to like us is finding commonalities and similarities and praise acknowledgement compliments they're they're free it just takes a little bit of research a little bit of thoughtfulness and the benefits are abundant and.

It doesn't take a lot of research because they tell us about themselves on linkedin exactly they tell us about themselves on facebook it's not proprietary information you.

Can go to someone's instagram and a few photos you can see if they have kids you can see what they're up to where they live they want.

Us to know that about them exactly.

And it's interesting when i'm sure bob when you get emailed and someone does the research and someone shares common similarities and they acknowledge you for the incredible work you've done in the world and how your book has impacted them or the videos they've seen you're more likely to reply maybe you won't spend your time on the phone with them but you're more likely to say i like this person let me at least say thank you and i appreciate it and let's you know maybe in the future we'll get together and i feel obligated to want to reply to those nice compliments and oh we know these people in common okay if i don't reply to this person and he has a common friend am i going to be the jerk that blows you know is it going to come back to me from my friend that i was a jerk you know it's like we feel.

Obligated i am exactly the same somebody compliments me it's very difficult to just dismiss them and not you have to to do something in return say thank you it's reciprocity you have to do something in return that's crazy i love.

It okay the next principle is authority and i think with all the people that are maybe getting started in their career or their business or they're launching an idea and they feel like they have no authority why do they need to create authority in order to be more successful how do they gain authority in an authentic way and what happens if we don't have authority yeah so.

I'M going to differentiate between two kinds of authority both of which make a difference and cause people to say yes to us but the person you described doesn't have the first type which is to be in a position of authority that is to be to have standing or stature in a hierarchy or some yeah so there are people who are in authority that's not who we're talking about in influence that's power that's about power there are people there's somebody who is an authority that's the person i'm talking about somebody who's knowledgeable somebody who who has experience somebody who can point to some credentials they have and very often you know that can be somebody who's just come out of a training program or a university with a major in a particular area where they specialize and they can say i know about the latest research on this you know or somebody who's been around for a while can say i've been in this area for a while and i have a lot of experience you can point to those things that are genuine credentials that you have and so for example i did some work with a hospital in the i live in the phoenix area it's a hospital where they asked me to help them with stroke patients who weren't doing their home exercises that the physical therapist gave them to do when they left the hospital and so they weren't getting better so i said well can you show me what you do and they said well here's the regimen we give them to do it and we take them into this little room and we make sure they understand everything and i looked at the room there were pictures on the walls that replace those pictures with your credentials put your diplomas put your awards put your certifications on the wall and exercise compliance as measured by flexibility strength range of motion increased by thirty one percent because in the room where they were giving them the information they had all this in all this evidence they were an.

Authority so people took them more seriously yes yeah so showcase showcasing your showcase.

Your credentials you can't do it face to face though you can't sit down from somebody and say louis let me just tell you how great i really am no you do it by sending them your resume as an attachment ahead of your first meeting i'm looking forward to our meeting on thursday on the topic of x here are my background and credentials on x or you say here's my linkedin profile absolutely go there.

Or at the bottom of your email signature you could have like the letters or the initials the initials i'm sure that if i you know if i'm looking at your book here and it just said robert cialdini with no phd after it versus having the phd i'm sure that adds just a subtle level of credibility with this right here it.

Does for people and the authority now if you hold that up again and you look at the top of it over five million copies sold yes that's.

Social proof huge social proof but in.

Both cases i'm pointing to something that's genuine right i don't have to fabricate it i don't have to really you don't have to do that yeah you.

Have the social proof with how many this is how many people have bought it then you have the more social proof from a credible source giving a recommendation then you have this down here which is the authority it's all on the front of the book new and expanded you know additional content all this stuff it's all on the front page which helps you make a decision and.

You know louis i had in the past not this particular edition but in previous editions i've had to fight my publisher to get that stuff on there really because they said you know we want more white space what you want white i'm talking about authority you're talking.

About white space yeah and you have again praise on the back it's like when someone's praising you it's more social proof yeah and it's funny because there's so many authors who have implemented these strategies over the last ten years since you've been putting this work out there and you see it everywhere now you see everyone following a similar format if they're researched and studied well with these principles and they work they do it.

Because it works because it works so authority yeah and oh there's one more feature of authority that the newest research suggests and that is people say how can i multiply my authority well get legitimate experts quotes or testimonials it doesn't have to be necessarily to you or your product but to your idea yes to the you as a person to you as yes and all right you put that there in in any message that you send at the top not at the don't bar you want that authority aura to suffuse everything that goes next every claim that you make really want to be supported by the fact that an authority agrees with you and.

Your vision so what would this be would this be for like a book proposal to have those at the top would it be for what other types of examples would that be for to put the quotes at the top of your website at the top at the.

Web the website is the key right what's the first thing you should see on somebody's website you should see testimonials from credible people credible people most of the websites have them buried somewhere or in a separate category over there praise for such a there should be testimonials at the outset so that that authority influence applies to everything you've yet to.

Read in it yes it sets this it sets the tone right as opposed to them guessing and wondering and have to look it sets the stages this is the authority this is a credible person let me learn more not right let me find out if they're credible with their bio and this and this or whatever like scrolling like start with credibility and authority that's why when i use the strategy of like here are the other places i've featured here are the logos of the presses that i've been featured on it was instant authority just when a second you see it you feel authority in your body you're just like okay as opposed to not showing it at the top people have to go down and look for it i feel like you're missing the mark.

I once did some work with bose acoustics corporation they had a new product the bose wave music system at the time and after we got some increased sales to a particular ad the product had been out there long enough that they had authorities testifying and so they made up a new generation of the ad with the authorities in there right except they were at the bottom of the ad and we just had them move them to the top and got a fifteen percent increase in sales crazy.

You see that i think the movie industry does as well where they are constantly saying the movie of the year by entertainment magazine or this you know it's like astonishing you know whatever it may be you see that always flashing up in the trailers of the movies and you just like okay if everyone else loves this and they're calling to me authority or this is the authoritative movie of the year i gotta go watch it you know right right right twenty emmy nominations it's like okay i have to go watch this yeah you know it's the authority in that space.

As well so remember i said that social proof reduces your uncertainty about your you should do the same thing applies to authority if the experts are recommending something it reduces your uncertainty you don't have to sit on the fence anymore you don't have to ditter around then think about this or that boom you can go right in i love it.

I love that we've got the the final principle of the previous version until you've discovered the new principle which i want to get to but the original final principle is scarcity and can you explain the principle of scarcity why we find things that are rare and scarce or limited something that we desire that we want on human psychology standpoint and then also in a digital world for people that have an unlimited of digital goods essentially that's not a physical good and they they have digital how do they position in a way that is ethical scarcity okay i want to take.

Those in order because that's the right sequence of this first of all the reason we want things that are rare scarce or dwindling in availability is that otherwise we lose them and loss a more powerful motivator in human psychology than gaining the same thing really there's a man who won the nobel prize in economics a few years ago daniel kahneman for something he called prospect theory where he showed that the prospects of gaining a particular i am out of a resource right let's say a dollar right compared to the prospects of losing that dollar people were twice as likely to want to avoid losing the dollar than gaining the extra one wow so if.

We have the ability to gain a million dollars or lose a million dollars we'd rather hold on to the losing of the million dollars than the possibility of gaining is that kind of i.

Once gave a lecture to a financial services firm and afterwards the boss came up to me and said you just said something with that loss aversion the idea of people are averse to loss more than they want to gain things you just said something that finally allows me to understand what my mentor told me he said if you have a high value client way up there you.

Don'T want to lose them right yeah.

But they're millions of dollars right and you call them at five in the morning and say if you act now you'll be able to gain twenty five thousand dollars on this on this stock they're going to scream at you and hang up the phone but if you call them and say if you act now you'll avoid losing twenty five thousand dollars on our position they'll thank you.

Wow people don't want to lose what.

They have they don't want to lose so that's why scarcity is so valuable because scarcity is loss is the ultimate form of scarcity it means you can't have it anymore that's why people are so adamant about grabbing onto scarce or dwindling resources they don't want to lose them okay now how does that apply how do you do that when you've got a lot of various a lot of opportunities okay two things one is you do have something that's scarce which is what differentiates you from your rivals what is the single thing that people can't get they will lose if they don't move in your direction right now it might not be one thing but it might be a suite of things a combination of items that only you provide right right and then you simply say you you don't just say and if you will go with us you will gain these you have to be able to say you don't want to lose these benefits that only we can offer you don't want to miss that remember i told you about the bose ad that we did where if you added testimonials at the top you increased sales by fifteen percent and i said but first of all we had done something that increased their sales in a different way well here's what we did at the top of their initial ad for the bose wave muses music system they had new features new convenience new simplicity new elegance right and at the top was the word new this was their app we changed it to hear what you've been missing and we got a forty five percent increase in sales.

So something people has lost missing you haven't heard it yet yeah yes before.

All those new features and those were things to be gained now we say you don't want to miss these yeah.

That'S good that's interesting man that's why.

Scares okay so that's one thing yeah now here's the other and i think your online people will be interested in it there was a study of six thousand seven hundred online commercial sites right and they looked at a b tests within each one for various kinds of features of the site that would lead to conversions and some of them were economic like do we offer free delivery right some were technological is there a search function in the site for some were psychological like is there a call to action after each appeal you know in each appeal the top six were the six principles it wasn't any of that it was the six principles of influence and you know what was at the top scarcity really if you could legitimately say we only have x number of these items at this price or with this feature or with this bonus you got the most conversions of all wow even more than saying we only have a limited time for buying this.

At this price so limited time is valuable but limited quantity or package of certain things is more powerful and here's.

Why because with a limited number you're.

Way competition all right limited time you can still wait till the last minute.

Yeah you're not in competition with anybody for it you can do it anytime if it's a limited number you better move or it'll be gone it's lost.

Yes now if you've got a lot.

Of these you can say this special is only good for x number of items or you know we've only got so many of these with this extra feature or that we will provide this additional inducement now let me say that was number one number two was social proof telling people what a lot of others like them had been doing with this right number three was limited time and here's one i rarely see in online sites it was the liking principle really here's what they did they began with a welcoming letter it's what you do like when somebody comes to your door you welcome them in yes you say hello glad that you're here come on in it was a welcoming letter liking first.

Scarcity social proof limited time liking with a welcome letter this was the this the in order the influence.

Actually authority was authority was before liking.

Got it okay authority i love this stuff i love learning about this yeah i don't know if people hopefully people are jotting down as many notes as me this is powerful the scarcity thing has been a big factor that i've seen more and more in the last couple of years with i don't know if you've been aware of this whole nft movement these nfts online which are essentially digital representations of artwork oh yes i am that that are selling out in seconds you know when they have a thousand or five hundred they're limited they're selling out in seconds i live here in los angeles and sometimes i'll drive down fairfax or melrose avenue and you'll see people in hundreds of people in line outside of a store the shoe stores kind of the sneakerhead stores where they have like this limited run and people will wait for hours i think it's you know i think apple does this well where it's like well i got a limited amount the first week you know stand in line for three days in a tent so you can get the iphone when it comes out right the first yeah you know baseball and basketball and trading cards have have become a booming in the last couple years i even got involved in this and i was like i can't believe you know what now it's so much limited quality a quantity of older cards or rare cards i think it was two days ago the honus wagner card sold for six point six million dollars as the new highest price card ever sold when it was previously sold for i think five point one million or something like a year ago and it's a two inch by two inch piece of cardboard right you know it's selling for millions because it's rare it's scarce and i think you know that's.

Crazy that is crazy and here's the best example i ever saw it has to do with apple and how apple uses this right so it was the release of the iphone five in phoenix the local tv station that i listened to i watch they sent a reporter to interview the people who had been around the corner in sleeping bags right waiting for this and they went up the reporter went up to the person who was number twenty three in line so interviewing so do you talk to the other people in line did you get to know them she said yeah actually she said i was originally number twenty five in line but i struck up a conversation with the woman who was number twenty three who admired my shoulder bag it's a two thousand eight.

Hundred dollars louis give it to her.

For the spot and she's that's exactly oh my goodness she said i i brokered a deal with her your spot in line for my louis vuitton bag that's craziness to go from twenty five to twenty three and and to her credit the the reporter after stammering what she said why did you do that and she said i heard this shop didn't have a lot and i didn't want to lose the chance to get wow it's all about loss scarcity is about loss and you'll give up a two thousand eight hundred dollars shoulder bag to go from twenty five to twenty.

Three yeah maybe that's how powerful this is yes that's crazy but the human psychology is fascinating the way our brain thinks the way we work is fascinating so scarcity is all about loss and showcasing that there's a limited quality you don't want to lose out you don't want to miss out on this limited quantity or packaging exclusive packaging of the thing right anything else on scarcity before.

We get into unity that's a good.

This is great run through so for how long is this the first book has been around for what over over a decade right before the new before the new version came out twelve years twelve years and these six principles have been the leading force in massive companies for entrepreneurs for lifestyle entrepreneurs for online websites for for the last twelve years but now with this new and expanded version you've got a lot of new research and you've added an additional principle which is unity can you explain what unity is and why you decided to add an additional principle to influence because.

I started to see evidence that i was mistaken in thinking that unity was just an extension of of similarity what unity is if as a communicator i can convince somebody that i share membership in a we group a group that this person uses the term we to characterize right everything becomes easier inside the boundaries of the we group so for.

Example like we are part of you know the same college alumni association precisely.

Some category that defines our identity right and so i even yeah so region is one thing so for example people who belong to the same city or.

Community or state country it's like finding something where we're apart we belong we.

Belong we're a we group right but it when when we were first talking before we went on the air you were saying some of your followers just want to know about how things can be done in their personal life to increase their outcomes and there's a great example of how the unity principle works in relationships romantic relationships you know in all romantic relationships there are some things that are going really well and there are some things that there are just a disagreement you're not you can't get resolution on a particular problem or difficulty and so these researchers in texas brought couples into a situation research situation and they said what we'd like you to do is think about an issue that you haven't been able to get agreement on you just all the time that you've been together you just haven't been able to do it and we would like for one of you and flip the coin to be the persuader to try to persuade your partner to come into line with your position on this issue right and then they took a step back left the room but they had tv cameras and tape recorders going so they knew what happened and they found three kinds of persuaders one was what they called the coercive persuaders who said i need you to do this for me otherwise you'll be sorry i'll have to do some things that you're not happy about right not only did that fail to work it produced polarization you got the opposite result now the recipient of that message was further away from the persuader's position so that was terrible there was another approach that the researchers called the rational logical approach where the persuader said look if you'll just examine the situation more closely you'll see that my position is the more rational one it's the more reasonable one now that didn't get polarization that got laughter so they got no movement at all from that one there was only one strategy that worked what was that by a very small percentage of people who said you know we've been together now for two and a half years i'd really appreciate it if you'd do this for me they just brought to the surface that they were a unit wow they shared an identity that's all that was it no new information no greater logic no no no just bring to consciousness that we are a we group and inside we groups people support and compromise it's what we do inside we groups now there was another version of that that was even simpler to implement it was simply to use the pronouns we our and us in making the request.

For change gotcha we our and.

Us and us again bringing to consciousness the idea of oh we're members of this shared identity it can be anything.

Really it could be we go to the same gym we like the same workouts we like the same whatever food we like the same restaurants you're saying any type of we community yes so.

I grew up in wisconsin and so my nfl football team is the green bay packers all my life i've been a packers fan right a little a while ago i read a newspaper article where they looked at the favorite nfl teams of various celebrities and i found out that justin timberlake and lil wayne are both avid green bay packer fans louis i immediately thought better of their music oh wow that's crazy and i wanted them to succeed they were of me they weren't just like me they were one of us they were one of us it made all yeah so.

That'S crazy and i'm assuming the more emotionally connected to an identity group you are the more likely you're want to support or be in partnership with or like someone who is a part of that deeper emotional group for you if you're like the green bay packers super fan if you find one person likes them you're like okay i look at them completely differently now completely differently that's amazing so how how can we incorporate this in a business negotiation let's say.

All right here's what i am going to recommend first of all just like you look for just similarities of preferences and styles and tastes you can also look for similarities of categories by doing that search that initial search and bring.

It up.

You'Re a boater i'm a boater whatever it could be but there's another way that has been wildly successful in the marketing community maybe the most successful strategy for creating loyalty and satisfaction with your product in the last decade co creation where we ask people who have been who are our customers or even our prospective customers we want to create the next level of our product or service can you give us some input and we ask for their responses on what can we do to make this better what can we do to what should we drop away what do we need to improve co create the next level of our products or services that creates unity you are co creating this thing it's probably why it's probably.

Why you know crowdfunding and kickstarter and all these sites have done so well because someone puts out an idea and then says but also give us feedback so that when we ship it we've incorporated those ideas into making this product to your liking and people get behind it they buy something they can't even get for a year they you know invest in something to be a part of the co creation of of someone launching it they'll give feedback they'll be excited about they'll spend so much time and energy on one potential product that maybe they get six to twelve months later right because they're part of the.

Co creation and here where we come to another one of those single word changes if you ask for feedback if you ask for an opinion you can get this effect this but there's one word you can use that enhances the effect significantly instead of asking for their opinion or their feedback you ask for their advice and you get a partner.

So don't ask for feedback ask for.

Advice ask for advice when you ask for feedback people take a half step away from you and they go inside themselves right and they consider what their reactions are inside if you ask for advice they come and stand next to.

You psychologically right that's interesting and now.

Here'S what the research shows if you ask for advice people like your idea better than if you ask for feedback or opinion about it.

Stuff is fascinating to me one word yes this stuff is fascinating to me if you were is there anything else about unity yeah that you would add to i would.

Say that we don't want to let this go where it exists already i'll give you an example of how it worked for me a while ago i was i had to complete a report and it was due the next day and as i was reading over it i saw there was one section that it was not really convincing i really didn't make my case because i didn't have the research to support it but i knew i had a colleague who had done a study the year before and had collected data relevant to this point that if i put that in it would it would close the envelope it would be a sure thing sure well this guy let's call him tim that's not his real name was known to be sour and irascible and unpleasant guy so i sent him an email i said tim explained my situation i have this due the next day you have the date i'm going to call call you and see how we can get this to me today so i can put it into my report and i called him he said i know why you're calling bob and the answer is no he said look man i can't be responsible for your poor time management skills that it's due the next day and you don't have the data he said no and before i read all the research on unity i would have said come on tim it's due to next i'm really in a bind here it's due tomorrow he had already said no to that right this is what i said honestly you know tim we've been in the same psychology department now for twelve years i really appreciate if you do this wow and i had the data that afternoon wow there.

You go so he said no and.

Then you because i didn't raise to just like those researchers in texas the group that said we're in a couple we've been together for i said we've been together for twelve years in the same unit and now no went to.

Yes people people feel more obligated or persuaded to take the action i think.

Obligated they feel out of loyalty to the group you have to do this.

That'S crazy otherwise you're like a bad member of the group or something right oh man this is why is human psychology so fascinating and powerful and if.

You'Ve always been fascinating to me isn't.

It crazy that you could have everyone everything you want in your life you could accomplish your goals your dreams you could have great partnerships great friendships great business opportunities if you learn to understand people and you learn to speak the language of people it's fascinating and i want more people to learn about these things i want more people to study it because when you can study it and then integrate it into your daily life and just make it a part of who you are it's going to feel like everything flows to you it's going to feel like synchronicities are around you constantly it's going to feel like life is abundant and you are a magnet for what you want and i think yeah it's just so powerful and.

The best thing about it is that you get to be ethical in the process by simply pointing to the things that truly exist we've been together for twelve years that's right in the same unit or you know we both like we're both runners or any of these things we've talked about right you know.

You just it's not about manipulation it's about yeah just reaffirming connecting pointing to something pointing to something the true social.

Proof true authority true scarcity that's all.

This is fascinating i've got a few more questions for you i feel like we've only been talking for twenty minutes but it's been about almost an hour and fifty minutes now and i've got a few more for you i could talk about this stuff all day long i'm curious about how to use some of this information to get the truth out of someone is there any research that you've done or practices that you've implemented where you can use some of these seven principles to see whether or not someone is telling the truth or to get them to be more honest about something whether it's in business or just in life there's you know when.

We talk about reciprocation the first thing we talked about it turns out that self disclosure is reciprocal if you begin by saying you know i'm going to be honest with you about this this this this and that people give you back they disclose something about themselves that's honest right so it's again you have.

To be first right just like giving a gift first and someone wants to give it in return yeah i use i i applied that on my show where if i want someone to be vulnerable and open up about something i always lead with vulnerability and i always lead with something that may be hard to say in front of a stranger like something i've been through or something i'm not proud of or a challenge i went through and how it made me feel i try to open up about that so that others are willing to open up and be vulnerable right.

I think that's you know so these are the things we've we've talked about you were saying well how do we really use these principles well one is you have to know them you have you have to know what they are but then it becomes if you start out with the with with the value system that you described at the beginning which is you be a cert you be of service you use them to steer people correctly you know to things that they don't want to myths to things that do have authorities who support it to social proof that shows the popularity of what it is then everybody's.

Winning absolutely everyone's winning where in your life are you still struggling to implement some of this.

You know besides the.

Praise the praise still a challenge or.

Is that yeah it's still something i have to fight with i have to remember to do it every time in order to get that to be sure that people are properly acknowledged for their contributions their thinking what they have brought to the table it's so easy to just go on and take that without without appreciating it publicly so that's what i have to fight to be sure that i don't do that anymore and.

If someone listening or watching could only implement one of these principles on a daily basis and the uc would help them get incredible benefits if they could only do one thing what would that one be that you suggest that people get started with hopefully they can incorporate all seven but if it was just.

One so i would ask them to look to the one that's already there in the situation is there real scarcity that you can use is there real authority already you've got all these testimonials you've got all those credentials is there real social proof whatever it is that's where you go you go to the one that's its engine is running it's right there in the situation just waiting for you to harness it but there's one thing i would recommend as a general strategy as i have a colleague who has a teenage son and he said i wanted to give him some advice about going forward now that he's becoming an adult and i'm asking all of my friends for a piece of advice for him what would yours be bob right so here's what it would be when you go into a situation where you don't know people it's a new situation unfamiliar think the best of those people think the best and that they will they want to provide the best to you if you think that it allows you to be generous with them and as soon as you are generous with them there are two really important maybe three important downstream consequences first of all by the principle of reciprocity they will want to be generous with you secondly by giving them this gift of whatever it is they will like you more and they will want to do business with you and finally after they see themselves doing business with you they've made a commitment to you they will want to continue to do business with somebody they like and now you've got people interacting with one another who like one another and why trying to be generous with that with one another i don't know how you get a better work environment than that absolutely i.

Love this okay couple final questions that i ask everyone at the end before i ask the questions i want people to get the book influence i've bought this for so many people i've given it to so many people over the last decade it's now updated expanded with a lot of new research information that can really educate you on how to integrate and implement these principles into your life and your relationships and your business so i want people to get the book get a few copies for friends again over five million copies already sold lots of incredible praise and testimonials and it's given me incredible results in my life i'm trying to incorporate all of the principles and influence by just letting you guys know all these things and it's been a it's been a joy to connect with you robert and have you on and i hope to have you on in person again in the future sometimes this this question is called the three truths question i ask everyone at the end of the show it's called three truths i'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario that you get to it's your last day on earth many many years away and you get to live as long as you want but eventually you got to go on to the next place and you've accomplished every dream you have robert you've got all these dreams goals you the fulfillment it all happens for you but for whatever reason you've got to take all of your written work video content audio it's all going to go with you somewhere else or it's got to go somewhere else but it can't be here anymore and you get to leave behind three lessons to the world three things you know to be true from all your experiences and all your wisdom that you would leave behind what would you say would be those three truths for.

You one is one that we've just described go into new situations thinking the best of people which allows you to be generous the second is also something we've talked about don't have a favorite principle of influence because to think that the same principle is going to work on all audiences with all histories with you with all types of products and services no you choose the one that's in there first the thing that's already there and the final one really has to do with another book that i wrote called pre suasion and it is that there is people think that the way to make an appeal or a message more successful is what you put into the message and that's those seven principles right so that's true but it turns out there's research to show what you say or do before you ever send your message puts people in a mindset that is consistent with your message and then that message becomes even more successful so what i would say is think about arranging for people to be in a state of mind that's consistent with the central feature of your message before you send it right so if it's about it's about scarcity so for example there was a study that showed that if you have a message asking people to take a stand that or to purchase something that's scarce if you send them an email with two ticking down clock emojis in the subject line they become fifteen percent more likely to buy a scarce opportunity because you've put them in mind of scarcity yeah.

I love this stuff this is fascinating for me i've got one final question for you but i want to make sure people get the book they can go online and get influenced the new and expanded version the psychology of persuasion they can follow you on social media robert cialdini on twitter facebook as well are you on instagram also not sure yeah.

We are but i think the best place is our website influenceatwork dot com.

Influence at work go there you can opt in for the newsletter you can get all the information there's got data research all the papers are there all that stuff you're you're the the godfather of influence a lot of people call you and it's been it's been fun to watch your journey as i've started my journey to discover your journey and decades of research and work that you put in long before you know i got into this and it's been fun to implement your research and your findings and really see incredible benefits so i appreciate that and i want to acknowledge you robert for the consistency of your efforts the consistency and your dedication to finding the answers to finding solutions on how we can improve the quality of our life improve the quality of our business our relationships through these practical and influential i guess psychological principles and i'm just so grateful that you continue to show up in the way you do and then you continue to speak this message that you speak about it you write about it and continue to offer us tools to improve these different areas of our lives so i really acknowledge you for how you've shown up in the world it's amazing robert and my final question for you is what's your definition of greatness.

I would say the ability to transcend your circumstances not to be imprisoned or to have a ceiling based on the circumstances that have been dealt to you that you can get above and beyond those circumstances robert thank.

You so much for being here i.

Appreciate it good i enjoyed it thank.

You so much for listening i hope you enjoyed today's episode and inspired you on your journey towards greatness make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links and also make sure to share this with a friend leave us a review over on apple podcast podcast and subscribe over on apple podcast as well i really love hearing feedback from you guys so share a review over on apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most and if no one's told you lately i want to remind you that you are loved you are worthy and you matter and now it's time to go out there and do something great score holiday gifts everyone wants for way less.

At your nordstrom rack store save on.

Ugg nike rag and bone vince frame kurt geiger london and more because there's.

Always something new i'm giving all the gifts this year with that extra five percent off when i use my nordstrom.

Credit card santa who join the nordiclub at nordstrom rack to unlock our best deals it's easy big gifts big perks that's why you rack.