How To Manifest Love & Deep Connection With Your Words & Frequency | Erwin McManus

There are two big things happening at one time that I've never done before. I'm going on a book tour for my new book, Make Money Easy, and I'm doing a podcast tour at the same time. It is going to be big, and I'm going to seven cities in 10 days. Get your friends, get your family, bring everyone you know to these cities. I'm coming to Austin, Texas, New York, Boston, we're going to Nashville, Then we're going to Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco. Make sure to get your tickets right now. Go to lewishouse.com/tour. Again, bring everyone you know if you're looking to create more financial freedom and abundance in your life, and you want to see a massive guest live on the School of Greatness Show. Get your tickets. I can't wait to see you there. Hey guys, Lewis Howes here and thank you so much for being here. I am excited about this. I'm a big fan of Erwin McManus and this episode is going to provide practical wisdom for anyone looking to improve their ability to connect with other people and attract more fulfilling relationships in your life. And the interesting thing is we tend to attract relationships that match our level of self-worth. and this is the key. We need to break that pattern so we can create different relationships that unlock abundance in our life, that unlock peace, that unlock joy, more love, more freedom. And I want that for you. I want you to feel free in every area of your life. So if this is your first time here or you haven't yet subscribed, please subscribe to our channel below. Like this video, share it with one friend that you wanna see elevated in their life as well. And if you're looking to improve the relationship that you have with money in your life. Also, I've got a brand new book out called Make Money Easy. That's all about improving the relationship to money so you can be financially free. Make sure to get your copy right now. The link is below as well in the description. Without further ado, let's dive in. This podcast is sponsored by Northwestern Mutual. Everyone wants to feel good about their finances, right? Well, that's why I've had life insurance with Northwestern Mutual for years. Their financial professionals ask the right questions, truly listen, and help uncover opportunities most people miss. I've seen it firsthand. Northwestern Mutual has been a part of my journey from the very beginning, providing the security and peace of mind I need as a human and an entrepreneur. Find a better way to money@nm.com the Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, paid testimonial by a Northwestern Mutual policy owner.

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So good to see you.

Man, I am so glad to see you. I'm pumped. The last time you came on, we talked about your new book, the Seven Frequencies of Communication. And we walked through kind of these each one specifically. And it was a powerful episode. And I want people to watch that in tandem with this. And what I want to do with this episode is to see we're going to talk about my core frequencies.

Oh, that's going to be fun.

Because I took your assessment, which I'll tell people how they can do this. But the goal of this episode is to give people the tools on how to use their words and understand their frequencies that are within them. on how to really manifest and attract the loving relationship that they want in their life or just powerful relationships in general, whether it's their soulmate, a loving partner, or the right partners in their life to elevate what they want in life. That is the direction I want to take with this because I feel like you have such a wealth of experience, wisdom, and knowledge from what you teach what you write about, but also life experience being married for, what is it?

40 years?

Four decades now. Which we talked about this in previous episodes as well. But really marrying these frequencies to love and relationships, I think will be an interesting thing. You have this on page 148 of the book. Again, this book's really powerful. I want people to get it. It's called the Seven Frequencies of Communication, the Hidden Language of Human Connection. On page 148, you say that your sound waves do not simply send out your thoughts and ideas, but your sound waves are an extension of you. What does that mean?

I first started thinking about the anthropology of humans, you know, when you're really young. You think, oh, we humans are flesh and bone, right? We're flesh and blood. And then as you progress and begin thinking about what makes humans and you understand science, you go, okay, this is kind of cool. Humans are our earth, we're physical, we're fire, we have an energetic heart, we're wind, we breathe, inhale and exhale. We're literally the elements, earth, wind, fire and water. We're 80% or more water. So human beings are literally the four basic elements. But if you keep progressing and looking at the human essence, we are particles and waves. And one of the incredible things about particles is this whole dynamic of Quantum entanglement, right? That two particles that come together are forever affected by each other no matter how far they're separated, which explains why someone who came into your life on your 10 still impacts you to this day.

Yeah.

How they got into you because their particles merged and formed into your particles and you're forever affected by that.

Yes. And so, there's cellular memory, that's right.

So choose who you bring it to your solar system because those particles are going to be part of your particles forever. Whether you like it or not, Louis, you and I are connected for all of eternity.

I like it.

And we're part of this universe together. It is beautiful. But we're not only particles, we're also waves. And when we think of our words, it's almost as if we think of something that is disassociated from us.

It's out, we're saying it and it's released. And it's gone.

Yeah, yeah. It's like spit, right? You know, you're swallowing your spit all the time, but the moment you spit.

It out into a glass, you would never drink it.

Because now it is not a part of you.

-Interesting, yeah.

-But your words never leave you. -Really? -They are a part of who you are. They are an extension of your essence. So right now, while we are having this conversation, we are doing a soul share. Way before there was Airbnb and B, we are sharing each other's souls. And I am speaking and I am going into your soul, and you are speaking, you are going into my soul, and our waves are dynamically affecting each other. which is an extraordinary thing. And so there are all these mechanisms of measuring wavelengths, and you can actually see how wavelengths shape different materials. They can move sand on a particular kind of metal, or we can study how sounds shape the universe, but we never think about how our sounds are shaping the universe set of people. You know, there's just something profound when a friend looks at you and says, I love you. And by the way, I do. And I can say without any restraint, I love you. And those words, they don't simply stop between you and me. Those words are transferred from me to you, and they connect us forever.

Yeah.

And there's something really powerful in that. And I actually think it's because we're divinely created, you know, and, you know, being a person who is really shaped by the scriptures and how Genesis talks about everything being created by God speaking and God speaks and the ways of God's voice creates the universe and that we're created in that image and likeness and that we speak and we create universes as we speak.

And also the, I guess the words and the sound or the tone of our words, that's right. It's the combination. It's the word and the the frequency of the word, the sound, can connect us, but also you could take that and it could connect you to others through someone else. It's like if you're transmuting something into someone else, speaking life into them as God did to us, that person, you could be the ripple, they could speak it into others too.

That's right, because humans understand frequencies before they understand language. because when you have an infant, they cannot speak English. They do not speak Korean. They do not speak Spanish. They speak frequencies. So when you look at that little baby and you say, I love you, that baby is absorbing the frequency of your words and then attributes the meaning to the words. Words are just sounds.

You see.

Because the moment we change the language, but we still have the sounds, they're just sounds that we give meaning to, and those sounds are transmitted through the waves of our voice. We have a power that's emitted when our breath passes through our lips.

How can we start to anchor ourselves to speak with more positive frequency? And do the words we say mattEr or how we say the words matter more?

They're both important. I think that language is both art and science. It's, you know, it's both poetry and prose, right? And if you want to be a master communicator, be careful about how you say it, but be more careful about the texture of what you said. Funny thing, years ago, I was in Germany speaking to about 5,000 people, and I had this translator, and I know I'm going to say something very controversial. And Germans are very stoic, and very orthodox in their approach toward things. And halfway through my talk, I make the statement, and my translator translates for me, and I stop him, and I said, Wait a minute, you did not say what I just said. and he said, what? And I said, you did not say what I just said. You translated what I said, but you changed it. He goes, you don't speak German. I said, that's not the point. Did you say what I said or did you change what I said? This is in front of 5,000 people. And he said, I changed what you said. I didn't agree with it.

No way.

And he goes, but what I want to know is how could you know?

Frequency.

It was frequencies.

Wow.

I could tell he changed his frequency instantly.

Yeah, something about the way he looked at you or the way he looked-.

I wasn't even looking at him. I'm looking at the audience.

Just his tone.

Literally a tone changed.

Oh, wow.

And he thought it was impossible for me to translate it. But when you translate frequency, it's not just words, it changes everything.

Yeah, the interpretation of it was different. Yeah. Interesting.

And even if you take this to a really basic level, I don't know if you have a dog. Two cats. You have two cats. This doesn't work with cats.

Cats don't have a human frequency. But the dog can feel it because.

They'Re like happy or they're like sad, right? Well, dogs don't speak English. No. They just speak frequencies. And so you can look at your dog, and if you keep the same frequency and change the words, they'll do.

Exactly what that frequency tells them.

Good boy or bad boy, bad boy.

You're the ugliest dog I've ever seen.

You're the ugliest. You're horrible, but you're saying lovingly, happy. That's right. And so we recognize there's a connection even with other animals that's frequency driven, but we think it's actually language driven and it's not. Yeah.

There's a few things that you talk about that I think are really interesting. And I want to share a few of these things, but you talk about words and frequency. And there was a line somewhere that you said, words are as close to alchemy as we could ever come, and words are magic. And I'm curious, What does that mean when it comes to figuring out how to attract someone we care about, we're interested in, we want to build a relationship, how to use words and frequency that we have with our voice to attract a quality relationship?

I love that question. The subtitle of the book is the Hidden Language of Human Connection.

Yes.

And for me, the ultimate goal is connection. Communication is the process to connection. And so if I only help people communicate better, I don't think I would find the level of fulfillment that this book is bringing to me. Because what I really want to see is people connect at a deep level, at a deep human level, at a level of intimacy and understanding and a place where people are seen and see others. And it's really, really true when you talk about intimate interpersonal relationships with a wife or a partner or someone that you love deeply. And the longer you're together, the more you really need to learn the nuances of human communication and connection. I've been married 40 years. And believe me, if all I heard was what Kim said, we would not have made it.

Wow.

And if all she hears is what I say, it's not going to get us where we need to go, because we are all saying so much more than our words. But that phrase when I talk about that words are as close to alchemy as we'll ever get, is that I really do pay attention to the language in our culture on manifestation, on manifesting things. And I think where sometimes for me it feels a little bit off and where it could really move into a zone of transformation is that we tend to try to manifest things that are external. I want this job or I want this career or I want this success. But the real power of words are the magic of transforming our inner worlds. That when you speak into someone's life, you're transforming the universe inside of them. And I think sometimes we underestimate the power of our words in the way they shape the human experience. You know, when you're five or six years old and someone tells you that you're worthless, those words shape the universe inside of you. Or when someone looks at you and tells you that you're special, that you're loved, that you're valued, that explodes inside of the universe inside of you. And when I began to realize that my words have so much power that it can actually reshape the universe inside of another human being, I realize that is alchemy. I can create a space for hope, for joy, for for intention, for even as superficial as it sounds, happiness. Because so much of what people are searching for in the external world is actually only found in our internal world.

Yes, yes. Ma'am, that's probably, yeah. So you were saying that if Kim, you wouldn't have made it if you were only listening to her words, is that what you said?

That's right.

And so words have a frequency, from my understanding.

Absolutely.

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Well, we have a frequency and language is the mechanism through which we pass or transmit those frequencies. And so when one person says, I love you, it can create a very different frequency than when someone else says, I love you. And even when you're looking at the different frequencies that we've identified in the book, When a person has one particular frequency, when they say the same thing, it doesn't create the same resonance when someone says it with a different frequency.

Why is that? Why is that and how do we tap into a frequency within us that has a greater impact on ourselves when we speak, but also on others when we speak?

I think it's because we haven't developed the full toolbox of human connection and human communication that we end up with a primary frequency and it becomes our dominant frequency and so we end up using a frequency all the time in every situation. And let's say if you're a commander and that's your dominant frequency, and you're also a CEO of a company. And so your commander frequency is absolutely bringing you incredible success. You know exactly what to do. You know how to be directive. You are very utilitarian with your language, and then you go home and you try to use that commander frequency in your marriage.

Yeah.

Even worse than that. You use that commander frequency with your eight year old daughter and it's completely utilitarian. It doesn't connect at a deeply visceral level where that person feels valued and loved and accepted. And one of the things I really try to do when someone has a commander frequency, by the way, my wife's primary frequency is commander.

Really?

And my son Aaron, his primary frequency is commander. So I'm surrounded by two commanders. I never lacked for clarity about what.

I should do with my life. Do this. Do this.

Yeah, yeah. But you have to begin to be able to hear the nuances behind the command. What happens so many times is that a person is commander and they love someone deeply, but they're with you day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and in their mind, I told you I loved you in 2016.

-Right. Why do I need to say it again?

-Why do I need to say it again? It's so unutilitarian. -Wow. -For me to have to waste that language again.

-Yeah, I told you once a year. Every year, Christmas, I tell you.

-Well, I show you. I show you by paying the bills. I show you by cooking for you. I show you that I love you. Why do I have to find the frequency that resonates at a deep level to let you know I mean it? Because it's not about simply saying the words. The words are empty without the frequency.

What is it that people are missing that would make them exceptional communicators in every area of their life if they learned how to do this one thing around what you're saying?

And, well, in the book, I talk about the way to elevate your frequency is by increasing two things, empathy and authenticity.

Yeah.

And so I would say do two things. Learn how to see life from another person's perspective. Step into someone else's, not their shoes. Step into their soul. experience how they are experiencing the world. For me, that's really the power of empathy. Empathy is sharing someone's soul with them and seeing the world through their experience, their emotions, their perspectives, and it's a beautiful thing. And so empathy is about seeing the other person, but authenticity is about allowing other people to see you. and so part of the journey is not just empathy, it's authenticity. It's helping people see you for who you really are, helping them understand your deep emotional texture and context for life. And when you grow in authenticity and grow in empathy, your frequency moves toward its highest level.

Say that one more time.

When you grow in empathy and authenticity, your frequency grows to its highest level. and so a part of when you ask, how do you learn how to use what frequencies, you pay attention. You listen to the room, you listen to people.

How do you do this in a marriage after 40 years when, you know, you have memories and, I don't know, your similarities of the same things and events happening over and over, how do you continue to tap into the frequency that is needed for your partner to feel seen, loved, and heard and accepted as opposed to leaning into a dominant frequency where they don't feel as appreciated?

It's so important to see the opportunity to express unconditional love to someone as a gift. Not that you're the gift to them, but you getting to express that is, in a sense, a gift to them and a gift to you. Just a small thing. I don't know why, maybe it's because my wife is a farm girl from North Carolina, but food is central to our life. and when she cooks, she literally waits for me to comment on everything she's cooked. Yeah. And sometimes I just don't want to comment.

I don't want to eat it.

Enjoy it. I just want to eat it. And there have been times over the years, I will say to her, can you at least give me a chance to taste it? Because she'll go, how is it? I don't know. I tasted it. It looks great. And even if she doesn't cook it, If she buys it at the store and she picked that pie, she wants to know that that pie was incredible.

Was it a good pick for me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even recently, having been married 40 years, I don't know how many meals we've eaten together over the years, I told myself it gives her indescribable joy to hear I love this. It costs me, nothing.

For someone who's been through a devastating breakup in a relationship, or maybe they've had just kind of heartbreak after heartbreak in relationships, how can someone use what you've created here and use their words and frequencies to manifest love, even if they've experienced so much pain and disappointment in relationships?

That'S a really nuanced question. Because what happens when you're going through pain is you're in great danger of moving toward your shadows.

What does that mean?

Every frequency has a shadow frequency. And just like every human being's on a spectrum of, you know, their best self and their lesser self. And so the shadow of the motivators, the performer, the shadow of the Challenger is the manipulator.

Wow.

The shadow of of the commander is the dictator, the shadow of the professor is the diminisher, the shadow of the healer is the cipher, the shadow of the seer is the perfectionist, and then the shadow of the maven is the nihilist. And so you have to realize that whatever your core frequencies are, you have a natural tendency when you're in pain, when you're struggling with, say, forgiveness or bitterness or anger or despair, to move into your shadow. And so you begin to communicate from that shadow, even though you are unaware of it. When people ask me, How do I get rid of my shadow? I go, no, your shadow is not out there. Your shadow is in here. And the only way you can get rid of your shadow is choosing forgiveness rather than bitterness, choosing love rather than hate, choosing hope rather than despair. So it is the material of your soul that actually changes your frequency and moves you from shadow to light.

So when someone, I mean, you can use me as an example. I was in many relationships that I. I felt they were right, maybe, or it felt like maybe that potential. And I stayed in them for a long time, tried to make them work, but then they want to work out and it'd be a lot of pain. Then I'd repeat the cycle, you know, kind of all through my 20s and. And 30s. Right. If someone has gone through kind of breakup after breakup, what is it inside of them that's missing? for them to be able to really create that harmonious match in someone else, where it is more in alignment, where it is more in the right, I don't know, the right vision for what they want to create in a relationship. So they don't have to go through the same pattern of breakup and pain over and over again. Yes.

We tend to match ourselves with a person that matches our own self-worth. Wow. Man. So if you have a low self-worth, you're gonna keep dating someone that validates that low self-worth. And you're going to end up in a toxic relationship and then you end up with a terrible breakup and it's gonna reinforce your sense of lack of self-worth. Your lack of worthiness. That's right.

Yeah.

And so that relationship is not there actually to elevate you to a higher level of self-worth. It's there to validate your low belief in yourself. Gosh. So the only way you can move into a healthier relationship, and I've known you for a few years now, I feel like you've changed. I thought you were incredible when I met you. I mean, you were already to me one of the most extraordinary human beings I've ever known. But I do think that you are not the same person.

Yeah, I feel different.

And who you are with Marta is not just a reflection of what an extraordinary human being she is. I think it's actually an expression of how you've grown as a human being.

Yeah.

To recognize your worth and worthy of more. Yeah.

100%.

And at the same time, you're able to have that relationship because she's a pretty self-actualized person and she's looking for someone that matches her own sense of self.

Yes. Yeah.

Does that make sense?

100%. Yeah.

And so I think if you keep going back to toxic relationships, you have to realize they're just a symptom of what's actually working inside of you, what's going on inside of you. And if you can deal with the toxicity in your own soul, your self-loathing, your lack of self-worth, those inner voices that told you that you're not worthy of love, whatever it may be. And when if you can deal with that inner turmoil, you can actually be ready for a better relationship.

It's so interesting because when I was in these experiences of pain and breakup and doubts, should I be in this relationship? Should I not be in this relationship in the past?

And.

Months of being single in between relationships and just like, ah, what's going on with my life? I wasn't thinking consciously, am I worthy? But looking back, I see how unworthy I was unconsciously, I guess, and how I was attracting relationships because I guess I didn't really believe I was I wanted something beautiful and great, but I didn't think I was either ready or deserving of it right at that moment.

Right. Think about if you're living in your shadows. Why would you ever choose to date someone living in their light?

Yeah.

Because their light would simply reveal your shadows. So if you're living in your shadows, you look for someone living in their shadows.

Right. To match you.

That's right.

Wow. It's more safe.

It is. And it doesn't. expose you. Right.

And hopefully your shadow is not as dark as them. So you're, you know, you're a little more like that. Yeah.

Yeah. But that's why it ends up moving toward a toxic relationship. Yeah. Because you ever realize the person that you love so much at the ends sees you in such a negative view. They see the worst of you.

Yeah.

And they let you know everything that's wrong with you.

I've heard that many times.

Yeah. And everything they're saying to you. are the very things you believed about yourself before you started dating them.

Yeah, that's true.

And now they're validating what you were already telling yourself about yourself. And that's why you have to have the conversation with you before you can have a different conversation with someone else.

Absolutely. It's almost like I needed to, I don't know if kill is the right word, but I needed to mend and heal the old version of me to alchemize into someone new internally. Whether that's letting go of an old version or alchemizing and healing the old version to the new, however I want to talk about it, but it was like I definitely had to step into a new identity. Yes. And either heal the old identity into an upgraded version, letting it go, whatever it might be, I needed to do that and in order to attract a relationship where I felt peaceful, because I never felt peace. And I think a lot of people listening or watching who have been struggling in relationships they feel like anxiety in their relationship. So how can we learn to, I guess the first part of that question, how can we learn to anchor ourselves to be more empowered to both speak with power, with the actual words, but then speak with frequency, energy, and marry the two? How can we start to believe we are either deserving or confident or wise enough to be able to marry the two at the highest level of frequency in relationship, but also in all relationships.

To begin with, you need to pay attention to the frequency with which you speak to yourself. Pay attention to what you're saying to you, because if you're not kind to yourself, you will not be kind to others. You don't express empathy towards yourself. you will not express empathy toward others.

When you see someone who is an angry person towards others, what do you see in them?

A person who hates themselves. Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah, they don't know the world, so they can't be angry with the world. They're angry with themselves. So true.

And what do they need to transform that?

They actually need to forgive themselves, because.

They'Ve been, what, blaming or shaming or feeling guilty about something?

Or maybe they did something they can't get past. and they can't forgive themselves for. And, or maybe something happened to them when they were young that wasn't their fault, but they took the blame for it. And so they don't realize that instead of choosing to be a victim, you see there's some people who choose to become victims, but some people just choose to become violent.

Right.

And their way of avoiding being a victim is to become violent. And they become violent in their words, their emotions. It doesn't always have to be physical. And so I think it has to begin by paying attention to what you're saying to yourself. And that you cannot connect to other people if you don't deal with the health of your soul. You have to find a way to get rid of the toxic emotions that destroy you, like bitterness and anger and jealousy, whatever they may be in your life. You're not going to live your life connecting to people at a deeply human level. if you can't even connect to yourself. And it's one of the things I think for me is really freeing, is that I'm not free because I found perfection. And I'm not free because I even live up to all my ideals. I'm free because I don't expect myself to be perfect.

Interesting.

And I've just learned to forgive myself.

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Wow. I mean, I was in a psychiatric chair by the time I was 10 years old in and out of a hospital for months, and I had not learned that then. And I think in high school, I was still trying to figure out how to create value so that I could be loved. and you try through sports and all these other different mechanisms. Sports, yeah. I think I was in college and I was a philosophy student and I still, I was really struggling with is there any meaning to life? And does my existence have any value? Do I matter? And for me, it was a part of a, of a faith journey. And, you know, everyone has to find, you know, their way to find meaning in life. But for me, it was unexpected. I was not on a faith journey, not consciously or even unconsciously, I don't think. Yeah. You know, I was just trying to make sense of my life and to find a reason to get up in the morning. And I struggled with depression. I struggled with self-loathing and, and the idea that God existed and that he saw me and that I had infinite value was something that was really meaningful for me. I say to people, look, if God didn't exist, I would have to have created him just to survive.

Right, right.

You know, just to find a reason to wake up in the morning to go, My life actually matters. And in that was this whole concept of grace that I'd never understood. And it was, you're just absolutely accepted. And so you don't have to earn your worth. You just start from your worth and then you just live. And it transformed me where I just believed it. I just accepted the fact that I had value that I mattered, that I was completely loved. And then life was like a bonus game.

Wow.

I don't have to live my life to prove my worth. I don't have to live my life to earn being loved. I don't have to live my life to prove I have value and that I have a right to exist. I just accept it. And then life just becomes this beautiful adventure.

Fun.

It just becomes fun. Sometimes I feel guilty. In fact, I posted a story today and and someone's upset, well, you know, because I was too happy. They said, you're not being sensitive to all the unhappiness in the world.

Yeah, the suffering.

And I'm like, I just don't want to apologize that I wake up in the morning and I'm so excited about being alive.

So true. I mean, it doesn't mean there's not challenges or adversities that I face from time to time. Even before you were here, today I was going through some challenges with business stuff and some frustrations. But I wake up and I walk outside and I just put my arms up and I say, Thank you, God, for this beautiful day and for everything you've given me. I'm so grateful and blessed. I'm just like, Man, it's like such a gift.

Yeah.

And I think about this stat that 150,000 people die every day in the world. But we're not one of them today. Today we're not one of them. And that alone is a gift. That's a reason to find joy even if things aren't going well, even if you're going through a horrible breakup, even if you're not happy with the government, even if someone cheated on you, lied to you, stole from you, hurt you, abandoned you, abused you. What a gift to be alive. Yeah. You know, it's not enjoyable. I'm not saying I like stay in that space, but still, man, what a gift and opportunity.

And.

Should we feel guilty? Like you said, should you feel guilty to be grateful? Like the things that we get at this day to be alive?

Yeah, I think it's an interesting tension. Everyone wants to have a common experience, but the only common experience we can have is misery.

Why is that?

Because we all experience pain. So that's the one thing we all have in common. But we need to elevate and go, yes, we all experience pain, but we can all experience joy. We can all experience fulfillment. It just takes more intention. Every negative emotion comes easily. Every positive emotion takes work.

If God created us to be good, why does every negative emotion come easily? And being good or experiencing joy takes work?

Because we think that God's intention is to make everything easy. And I don't think that that's even on God's agenda. A goodness should not be easy.

Why?

There's nothing in life that's worth anything that's easy. You're the face and voice of the School of Greatness. Is there any aspect of greatness that comes easy?

Depends on someone's definition. You know, just for some people's definition of greatness, it might be, you know, being alive and living a decent life, right? It's like just being here is greatness. It depends on someone's definition. But from my definition, I don't think there is. I think you've got to be willing to overcome yourself constantly. And that's hard work. You've got to be willing to make better decisions every day than the temptations. That might seem easy.

All right, you're getting married to the most amazing human being in the world. But the relationship isn't easy.

No, it takes intention, it takes effort, it takes focus.

There's nothing worth anything in life that is easy.

It took my whole life to be able to get to this point, you know, to get to a beautiful relationship, a whole life of sadness and suffering and effort and work, like, and healing and growth to get to a place where I feel peace.

You have to fight for peace. Yeah. Even peace. Despair is easy. Hope takes intention. Hate is easy. Love takes intention. War is easy. Peace takes intention. Every ideal expression of being human is hard. We have to fight for it. We have to long for it. And the best version of you doesn't come easy.

Yeah.

It's something you have to fight for.

In the last 40, I guess, 40 plus years since you, you found this faith for yourself.

Yeah.

Where you started to find an ability to forgive yourself, not hate yourself, not look at yourself poorly. What has been the biggest challenge you've faced since finding love, forgiveness and grace.

I think for me, my biggest challenge is, has been this need to live a life that other people think I should live. It's living a life of obligation rather than a life of intention. No matter how much you accomplish in life, there's someone who's always strangely unhappy with your life. Have you noticed that?

And typically someone who's close to you somehow, yeah.

And I've always wanted to please the people in my life. I wanted to earn their respect, earn their love. And one of the things I had to just figure out in my life is you cannot live a life of obligation. You can't live for other people. You can't live for their opinions. you can't live for their approval. You just have to know your own intention and live your life with that purpose and let the chips fall where they may.

How do you, how does someone listening or watching plan to have a beautiful romantic relationship without trying to live up to the obligation of their partner and what they want from that relationship? How can you do both? Want to live life on my terms, but also I want to make sure my partner's happy too.

It's not really about living life on your terms. It's living life with a clear intention for who you are. There's someone who will love who you're becoming, not just who you are. And I want to encourage people to not define the person who loves you for who you are, but loves you for who you're becoming. Because when they love you for who you're becoming, they can see the depth of who you are.

-Yes.

-They can see your motive, they can see your intention, they can see your desire. And so when you fall short of it, they're not disappointed in you because they didn't see you as perfect. They saw you as progressing. They're the ones that actually pull you up and say, Nah, nah, this mess up, this isn't who you are, this is a hiccup. It's not who you are. get back up. And that's what you want. You want that person who loves who you're becoming and they refuse to give up on your becoming.

Interesting.

Not just who you've become. That's why a lot of marriages don't work when someone's already famous or rich or successful. They love who you've become. They don't love who you're becoming.

Interesting.

But when you marry and you're both in the struggle together, you see who you're becoming. That's a great advantage I have. I married Kim when I was 25 years old. My average income for about 10 years was around $8,000 a year. We slept on the floor because I couldn't afford a bed. And we were so happy. And she wasn't always happy with the situation we were in. But she could see that I was becoming someone. And I could see she was becoming someone and we were so happy. to get to become together.

-Yeah. -And do you still feel like you, it sounds like that has been a challenge for you is like living up to the obligations and trying to gain the respect of others around you? Do you feel like you have broken free of that lately or where are you at in your life right now?

-It is interesting because for me, Louis, it was because when I became a person of faith, I never wanted to do anything that would discredit Jesus. so I was maybe trying to talk around that just a little bit, you know, and saying not living a life of obligation. I was just always so concerned that I would make a choice or do something that I would this, this, this honor or discredit who Jesus is, because my faith in him is so deep and so profound in that, but I know that I'm not adequate. to express him well or maybe perfectly. And so I always lived with that concern.

-How do I live up to this perfection that I can never live up to?

-Yeah, because I'm not Jesus.

-Yeah, of course.

-You know, but people expect you to be. -Right. -And so there's always like this tension. And then frankly, I have this, I don't know, this tool of skills or gifts or abilities. I'm just really good at like starting companies. I'm a really good entrepreneur. I'm actually really good at creating wealth. And I always held myself back because I didn't want people to think my faith was insincere because suddenly I had success or suddenly I had this, so much of my work in the business world, I had to do secretly and privately. -Quietly as a silent partner.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Because I didn't want to hurt my reputation. -Interesting. -What people thought about my faith. But now I'm 66. And I'm like, I just want to enjoy my life and I want to have the maximum impact. I'm going to write books and start companies and create massive impact and let people decide whoever they want, whatever they want. Because I have lived in that constraint of obligation, you know, far more than I should have. Right.

Do you feel like this is a new thing in the last couple of years then for you?

I think in the last decade, I've been moving more and more in that direction. and it has, you know, propelled me into the business space far more and has propelled me into worlds that I just love being in. And I actually love being in a world with people who are scientists. I love being in the world people are atheists. I love being in a world where people, you know, are really significantly impactful business people. I have a lot of friends that, you know, like you, who are the best in the world at what you do. I enjoy investing in the top 1% of achievers in the world. And that's actually where I make my greatest contribution. It's kind of weird because my skill set is thinking. It's a strange skill set. But when I'm in a room, I can help even the best people in the world think at a higher level. And I had to just sort of accept at some point, oh, that's kind of like the gift I was given. And it took me a long time to accept that because it feels like a strange thing to say. That what I can do is I can help you see things that you can't see.

Yeah, that's powerful. What is it that you think God has been trying to say to you that you've been resisting for the next level of your life? The next level of abundance, freedom, peace, love, harmony, Is there something that...

There is, but it's just hitting me that it feels like I have to keep going back to the same chair with God. It was probably 30 years ago I was invited to this leadership event with a handful of people around the world, and they were all pastors, and they gave all of us these assessments, and they all came the same. They came out exactly the same, then I came out completely different.

All these other pastors?

All these other pastors, they were like world leaders.

Yes.

And, you know, emerging global influencers. And I went off to this little bridge in the mountains of North Carolina, and I laid on the bridge and I said, God, why would you ask me to do this if I'm not shaped the right way? And in my own time of reflection, what I heard was, if I wanted it done the same way, I would have called the same kind of people. I think what I'm hearing again in my life is buckle up. I'm gonna do the unexpected in you and through you, and you just need to be ready for the unexpected.

Wow.

And so it's strange. I know I'm supposed to be retiring, right? You know, I'm. I'm 66. I should be. you know, landing the plane, I think I'm just taking off for the first time. And I'm more excited about my future than I've ever been in my entire life. I feel so free to be me, so free to be fully alive. And every time I do something like that, it sets a lot of people free.

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When I became a fashion designer, you can't know how many people in the world told me, I didn't know I had permission to be a fashion designer. When I went, you know, and decided to be an artist and work in other spaces and film, whatever, I had people all over the world saying, the fact that you had the courage to do that gave me the courage to do that. And every time I take on some ridiculous endeavor and do something new, I know I'm actually breaking down barriers for other people, not just for me. And that for me is so exciting.

Yeah.

Because the future needs the best version of all of us. It needs this fearless, you know, just insanely committed to create something beautiful and extraordinary. version of each one of us. And that's why I love your theme, the School of Greatness, because we can all measure greatness differently, but what I do know is the world needs the best version of you, and that's how you make the world better.

100%. Wow. So you feel like you're going back to this chair 30 years ago. You need to keep revisiting that and know that and accept the fact that you are different, you are unique than the others. and to set yourself free. Is that kind of what you're hearing him say?

It is. It's, you know, you don't have to be like anyone's ever been. There are no rules that you have to follow. There, you know, I want you to go down a path where there are no steps, and it's okay. Just be you and trust me. And I, and that's what I would say to people, you know, God did not create you to be like everyone else. He created you as a unique, beautiful, extraordinary human being. And that path should be a path that has never been walked before.

What do you think people need to hear from God who are watching and listening about their love in their life and what's possible for them to experience love, to receive love, and to give love?

I think it's just you matter. If you just for one moment embrace the possibility that in the midst of this infinitely expansive universe, that there is a God who designed it all and that he actually sees you. And I always tell people, you know, the worst thing in life is the wrong kind of love affair where you love someone but they don't love you back. When people say, oh, God is love, I go, that's only partially good news. Because if God is love, but he doesn't love you, it's not great news. What makes us really profound is that you're one of, what, eight billion people on this planet, and God sees you intimately, specifically, and created you for a relationship with him. There's a relationship of love and acceptance. And that, and for me, that is extraordinary. And that God imagines the extraordinary potential inside of you. That God isn't looking for us to come to him so we can all conform. He's actually looking for us to come to him so he can unlock us and unleash us.

Wow. Then what do you think is the main thing that is blocking people from their abundance in life right now?

Well, I mean, the first word that comes to my mind is fear. and because we're designed, humans, whether we believe in God or not, are designed as faith creatures. No other animal perceives the future. We're the singular species on this planet that perceives the future. So what that does is it creates this dynamic space or this tension, because we perceive the future. So now we have to imagine it either negatively or positively. And so when we talk about perceiving the future positively, that's faith. But when we perceive the future negatively, that's fear. And the moment you perceive the future through fear, you're paralyzed. And so I think what people need more than anything else is to realize that fear is the emotion that lets you know you're designed for the future. So I turn every negative emotion into a positive fuel. In fact, that's one of the things that I worked on so much in my shift is how to take negative emotions, negative material, and turn it into positive material, positive fuel. And so I look at fear, whenever I'm afraid, I go, oh, this is my brain telling me, telling me the future has a possibility that's too big for me right now. So I need to just step into it courageously. We grow to size. And our future isn't designed to be as small as we are right now. We grow to size. When you step into a bigger future, you grow to it.

Yes.

And so I just tell people, look, don't let fear paralyze you. Let fear inform you that this is the direction you should go.

You should be leaning into that.

That's right.

Courageously, yeah. How does someone have faith though in a future they can't see that is not here yet.

If you can't see it, you don't need faith. So you only need faith for a future you can't see. That is the very definition of faith. But here is the difference. When you see the future as static, something that exists that you have to step into, that is how you can get paralyzed. The future is dynamic. Do you know where the future comes from?

The past? I do not. Your mind?

The future comes from within you. you're not stepping into the future, you're creating the future. Humans have this interesting capacity. Silkworms create silk, bees create honey, beavers create dams, but humans create futures.

Wow.

Every moment of our lives we're creating futures. Every choice we make is creating a future. And if you realized the question isn't Can you create the future? The question is, what kind of future will you create? When you are informed by fear, you create a cocoon that tries to protect you from the future and traps you in the past. Which is interesting, because Solomon says there is nothing new under the sun, which is completely wrong. It is completely right when you are trapped in your fear. There is nothing new under the sun. But when you are free, now you get to create the new. So it is interesting in the same book, the Bible, where Solomon says, There is nothing new under the sun, is the quote in Isaiah where God says, Behold, I am doing a new thing, but will you even see it? And so I go, All of us have a choice to make. We can either live like Solomon, where life is meaningless and there is nothing new under the sun, Or we can live in a relationship to the Creator of the universe, where we get to create with Him because all things are becoming new. Which, for me, easy choice.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

So much good stuff here, but I know you got to catch a plane here, so I want to be mindful of this. I want people to get the book, Seven Frequencies of Communication, the Hidden Language of Human Connection. And again, we're speaking about in this book, People are going to learn about what their core frequency is.

They can actually take an assessment that we spent two years developing and they can go to our website and get a code and take the assessment and they will give you your top three communication frequencies.

Yes.

Because I want people to see in a sense that triad so they don't see themselves as a singular frequency. Now, they may not have developed and really accessed those other frequencies well, but that's what this process is for to help them grow.

Yes, so you'll learn what your frequency is, you will have the link up to the assessment as well in the show notes. You can learn what your frequencies are, what the shadow side is for you, and also how to overcome that and step into the more light version of your frequency, and also how to tap into the different frequencies. So you can, really the more you can master all of them, the more you can impact people around you. Understand them and have the empathy like you said, and be more authentic like you said, which was needed. to have a greater impact and connection with someone.

Absolutely.

So you'll learn that through this process. Very powerful. Again, you'll find out which one you are: motivator, challenger, commander, healer, professor, seer, and what Irwin is: the maven. Should be maverick, you know? Is it kind of similar, like a maverick or no?

Is it like- no, no, it's a little different.

It's a little different.

Okay, cool.

Not that you're a maverick. Yeah, right, exactly. so make sure you guys get a copy of the book, get a few for your friends as well. IrwinMcManus.com is where you can get a lot of the other stuff and that'll be linked up to the book and everything else. If you're in LA, go to the church. It's an amazing church, Mosaic. Check it out. And if you want to have more inspiration, community connection, you can check that out on Sundays or you can watch the live stream also wherever you are in the world. Where do people go to watch that live stream?

I think they just go to our Mosaic app and they can get live stream anywhere in the world.

Okay, cool. And there's churches also in different locations.

Yeah, we're going to be in New York in November. We're going there once a month and we also have a campus in London, Mexico City and then in Quito, Ecuador.

So, okay, very cool. But also the main, there's a live stream also the main church here in Hollywood all over the place. So check that out. That'll be linked up as well, Mosaic. How else can we be of service to you, Arwin?

Oh, wow, what a great question. Louis, you are a genuinely wonderful human being and a great friend.

I appreciate it.

And I'm just so grateful to get to have this conversation. I really believe we can have a revolution of human connection and communication. When we look at all the division and vitriol language during the election, the campaigns, we realize that most of the models we have for communication are so negative. And that I just think the greatest thing we can do right now is help people learn how to hear each other and connect at a deep human level. So that's what you're doing here, getting the word out of the book and helping people connect here. That's the greatest thing you can do for me right now.

Awesome. We had another interview we did, I think it was like a year and a half ago maybe, where we talked about each one of these.

It's when I first was designing it.

And so you guys will have that linked up as well. You guys can check that out and you talk about your three truths and your definition of greatness there. So I'll have people go listen and watch there to get that answer. But I'm curious if you could go 10 years in the future, you say you're 66 now. If you can go 10 years in the future and you're 76 year old self, was sitting in front of you, and he could give you one piece of advice on what you need to do from this moment until the next 10 years. If you could see into the future what you're able to do, what is the message that your 76 year old self would tell you?

Well, the first thing comes to my mind is this interesting phrase. We were in Malawi. We were about to go meet the president of the country at this young Malawi named blessings. and he was panicking. He was really nervous. And we were going into that room with the president because my wife had been working there for almost 10 years building schools and helping the country. And I looked at this guy and I said, you, belong in the room. And he looked at me and I said, When you walk in the room, you need to remember you belong in the room. And it's a phrase I had to learn for myself. because every time your life gets bigger, you feel like you're a complete poser. You're an imposter. And the little voice in your head says, you don't belong in this room.

Interesting.

And so I think my 76 year old friend would say to me, Erwin, new rooms are opening. And every time you walk in, just remember you belong in the room.

Oh, man, I just got chills. That's beautiful. You belong. Appreciate your right. Thanks.

Love you, my brother.

Love you too. Thank you very much.

Hey, thank you.

I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you are looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to the next episode on the School of Greatness. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus Channel exclusively on Apple podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you, and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward and I want to remind you of no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.