How To Overcome Insecurity And Love Yourself [MASTERCLASS] EP 1367

Recognizing that confidence is not something we are born with, it's a skill. In any profession or any aspect of.

Life, confidence is welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

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You talk about rewriting your story from the past and I believe that we we hold onto our stories and we we probably continue to write them in a more powerful way that keeps us trapped or traumatized. When is that fair to say that something happens in our past? We hold onto the story daily or whenever we're triggered and it's like amplifies the story in our minds.

Well it does. And the problem is that often whatever that version of the story is, we carry with us and we never revise it. And so you create a story when you're younger, for example, about something that happened in your life, and then as an adult, you've never looked at that story through the adult lens. You're still looking at it through the childhood lens. And so that's why I say that when people come in that we're all unreliable narrators.

Yes.

That we all tell a story through this lens. And the thing is, these are usually faulty narratives, so there's a broader version of the story that people haven't looked at. And so I feel like in a lot of ways what I do as a therapist is I act as an editor. And I have, of course, a writing background. And so I help people to revise their stories because the reason they can't move forward in the story, the reason they can't get to the next chapter is because of something is wrong with the story. They are stuck. And so it's almost like I'm helping them with writer's block.

I mean, for me, life is an interpretation.

Yes, right.

There's an instance that happens and we can interpret it as good or bad, or we can interpret it as, this is a neutral event and I'm going to make the most of this. Is that fair to say?

Yeah, absolutely. And also how we attribute other people's parts of the story. Right. So who are the villains and the heroes in the story? You know, I talk in the book about the difference between idiot compassion and wise compassion. And idiot compassion is what our friends do. They back up our story no matter what we say. This happened. This happened with my boss, this happened with my partner, this happened with my parent. Right. This happened with my best friend. And we say, yeah, that was terrible. Screw them, they're a jerk. You know, that's awful. You're right, they're wrong. Don't let anyone treat you that way. That's what we do. And if you listen to your friends stories, you start to realize over time that even though the situation and the names might be different, the kind of story they're telling is similar. It's kind of like if a fight breaks out in every bar you're going to, maybe it's you.

Yeah, exactly.

We don't say that. That's idiot compassion.

Idiot compassion is where we as friends say, yeah, you're the best person in the world. This person's horrible. Leave them or let them go. Forget about them. They're so bad at what they did. There's always two sides to every story.

Well, right. And so the value of therapy is that we offer wise compassion. We hold up a mirror to you and help you to see yourself in a way that maybe you haven't been willing or able to do. And that's where the other version of the story comes in.

So how do we have wise compassion for our friends when they're like, she cheated on me, he left me, they had an affair, whatever.

Yeah.

How do we change our story and also show compassion that we're there for a friend?

Not making.

When they're in a vulnerable place, not making the other person right or wrong, but being there for them and also kind of giving them some tough love, I guess.

I wouldn't call it tough love. I would just call it reality. Love.

Love.

It's love. It's much more loving to be truthful in a compassionate way. So I sometimes call them compassionate truth bombs because we need to hear them. But how do we do it? It has to do with timing and dosage. So the timing is when they're really raw, when something just happened. Now's not the time to say, this has happened with your last three boyfriends.

Right.

Maybe you're the problem here.

Have you noticed that going through people's phones is not working well for you? You know, we are not going to say that maybe in that moment. So that's timing and then the dosage is how much are you going to say in a particular moment and in a particular conversation? It doesn't all have to happen in one conversation. So I think that that has to do with being a good listener. And a lot of us don't know how to listen. And I think it's really helpful. I see a lot of couples in my practice, too, and if you can say to the person when they come to you with something, how can I be helpful in this conversation? Right now I know you're really hurting. Do you want to just venture? Do you want a hug? Do you want me to help problem solve with you? Do you want my honest opinion or do you want me to hold off and we can have that conversation another time? Let them tell you what they want so you can give them something that is helpful to them in that moment. And then in another conversation, you might be able to offer them something more.

When they're not completely raw or broken.

Yes.

And hurt.

So what is that specific question? When anyone's coming to you with a challenge or a complaint or hurt, what's the question? You should ask them, how can I.

Be helpful to you right now? I know you're really hurting.

What does that do for the person who's hurting? When they hear that, it helps them.

To reflect on, oh, wait, what do I need? Right? Am I just gonna download all of this stuff and then I'm not gonna feel any different at the end? Or is there something else that I want right now? And maybe downloading it will make them feel different. Just make them feel seen and understood and heard, which is important. Or maybe they want something else, but let them tell you. And I think the other thing is these three words that are really helpful when they're talking to you are tell me more. So instead of saying, when they say, oh, here's what's going on, and we say, oh, well, we try to cheer them up. Here's what you can do. We try to fix it. We try to cheer them up. We try to make it seem like it's not so bad. Whatever. We do instead, just say, tell me more. We do this with our kids. I can say as a parent, we do this all the time. Right. So your kid comes to you and says, I'm really sad about this, or I'm really worried about this. We say, oh, don't worry. No, it's not a problem. We say, oh, don't be sad. Right. Go have ice cream. Right, exactly. But the thing is that then you get the message as a kid that, like, oh, wait, I'm not supposed to feel this. And really what it is is we get uncomfortable as parents with our kids feelings.

Why is that?

Because we can't. We are uncomfortable with feelings. We grew up in a way where feelings were messy, feelings were uncomfortable, feelings were something that, you know, was. They were going to be trouble.

Yeah.

As opposed to feeling stop crying.

Yes.

As opposed to just, you know, let's. Feelings are actually a great thing. People say, oh, there are these negative feelings like sadness, anxiety, anger, whatever, even envy. I always say feelings are like a compass. They tell us what direction to go in. So with envy, for example, I say, follow your envy. It tells you what you want. If you are feeling envy, that's great because it says, what do I desire? It puts you in touch with your desire. What is it that I desire? And what steps can I take to get something like that in my own life? If you're feeling sad, if you're feeling anxious, what is not working right now that you can look at? If you stuff down that feeling, if you pretend it's not there, it just gets Bigger. And here's what happens. It doesn't go away. It comes out in too much food, alcohol, drugs, insomnia, a short temperedness, inability to function, distractibility, that mindless scrolling we all do through the Internet. A colleague of mine said that the Internet was like the most effective short term, non prescription painkiller out there.

Wow.

Right. And so what happens is your feelings are still there, but you're not dealing with them.

What happens when we never deal with our emotions or feelings?

Well, you first of all get sick, physically sick, emotionally sick, mentally, emotionally, everything. Everything. Right. So we have just like we have a physical immune system, we have a psychological immune system and we have to take care of our psychological immune system. So it's just like, you know, what do you do to keep healthy with your body? Like you're going to eat, right, you're going to exercise, you know, you're gonna do all the things that you wanna do to take care of yourself, you're gonna get enough sleep. Those things also help your psychological immune system. They're not totally separate. The mind body connection is profound. But at the same time, are you going to be around people who don't nourish you? That's going to hurt your psychological immune system. That's gonna make you sick. Are you gonna stuff down your feelings? That's going to make you sick. And so how do we take care of ourselves? And part of it is instead of trying to numb out your feelings, because numbness isn't the absence of feelings. Numbness is a state of being overwhelmed by too many feelings.

Wow.

And then not only do you not experience the feelings that you don't want to experience, but you don't experience the other feelings. You mute one feeling, you mute the others, you mute the pain, you mute the joy. So you're living in this state where you don't actually get to feel the range of feelings that make us human.

What is that state called?

Sickness.

I was gonna say dead. I mean I feel like you can be alive but, but not living. And that's what happens to people is that they're alive, they're going through the motions, they wake up every day, but they're not really living their lives.

What's an assessment we could take for ourselves? If someone's listening or watching to ask themselves how alive or how dead they are and if the people in their life closest are actually good for them or are hurting their psychological states.

Right.

Is there a questionnaire we could take just off the cuff? Is there an assessment? Is there a few Things we could ask ourselves.

Yeah, I mean, I think that it has to do with a sense of vitality. Right. Which of course, like vitality. The word like life is right in there. When you wake up in the morning, are you excited about what you're doing? Is there meaning in what you're doing? Do you feel connected to how you're spending your days? Because at the end of your life, are you gonna look back and say, what did I do that was meaningful? Maybe you should talk to someone. In my book, there's a woman that I treat. She's this young woman who goes on her honeymoon. She's newly married. She comes back and she has canc. And she says to me at one point, she says, why do we need a terminal diagnosis to have a wake up call? Why do we need a terminal diagnosis to live our lives with intention? Why do we need that to really pay attention. And I think that if we can keep the awareness of death sitting on one shoulder, and I don't mean in a morbid way or in a creepy way, it's not depressing, it's actually, again, going back to vitality. It helps us feel alive. Because life has 100% mortality rate. And that's not for other people. We like to believe that. Right. And so the thing is that if we know that we have a limited time here, I think we would pay more attention to what we're actually doing every day.

Why is it so hard for people to pay attention?

Fear.

But they feel like they're stuck sometimes for years.

Right.

It's like I stay stuck in a relationship that I know is not right for me for years. I stay in a depressed state for years. I stay in a job that I hate for years. It's all based on fear.

Well, I think it is fear. I think it's fear of uncertainty. This is going to sound strange, but change is really hard because we cling to something that's familiar to us. Even though we may know, oh, this would help me. This would be a good change for me. We don't do it because it's unfamiliar. And so if you grew up with a lot of chaos, if you grew up feeling sad all the time or anxious all the time, that feels like home to you. Even if it's unpleasant or even miserable.

She'll keep finding chaotic environments recreating it.

Yeah. And so, you know, it was funny. Cause my own therapist gave me this great analogy. He said to me, he said, you remind me of this cartoon. And it's of a prisoner shaking the Bars desperately trying to get out. But on the right and the left, it's open, right? No bars. So basically, the prisoner is not in jail. And that's what so many of us are like. We feel like we're not in jail, we're not in jail. We can change. We can just walk around the bars. But why don't we? Because with freedom, the freedom to walk around the bars comes responsibility. And if we're responsible for our own lives, that scares us. We feel like, oh, I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I'm competent enough to do that, or now I'm to blame if things don't go right. I can't blame it on everything else.

Is this one of the reasons why inmates, after a long time being in prison, who get out, go back into prison because they feel like they need to be back in that environment? Are there other reasons? Maybe.

I think there are other reasons. I think we don't give people the support when they come out. You know, the mental health issues that they needed to be treated for. Whenever, you know, they never got that support. Then they come out and they're back in the same situation where they don't have that community support, support.

Why is it so hard for us to take responsibility for our own happiness?

I think that if you grew up in a household where you were seen and heard and understood, those are the people who do take responsibility for their own happiness. I think for people who felt like they were ripped off in their childhoods, there's a part of them that's still in a fight. There's a part of them that still wants that redo. And so it's kind of like they're not aware of this, but what they're saying is, basically, I will not change mom and dad until you give me the things that I did not get in childhood.

So they'll go find a partner that emulates their environment from mom and dad and try to change them so they.

Well, right. This is the irony of relationship, right? For those people who have not sort of worked through it, this is so common. And I think all of us have this peace in us, right? Because nobody had a perfect childhood.

So.

So what happens is people say, okay, when I'm an adult, I'm gonna pick a partner who really makes me feel nourished, who really gives me all those things that I did not get growing up. But what they don't realize is unconsciously, they have this radar for the people who look very different from their Parents on the surface. But then once they get into that relationship, it's kind of like, uh, oh, this feels familiar. Right? And so what they did was their unconscious said when they were picking their partner, and, hey, you look familiar. Come closer. Even though consciously they thought, oh, you're totally different from my parents. This is gonna work out great. But no, they have radar for that. If they haven't worked out the stuff, that's sort of their unfinished business. There's this saying, we marry our unfinished business. We actually do marry our unfinished business. So that is why it is so important as an adult to take responsibility and say, you know what? I am going to have to grieve this loss of what I didn't get, and I'm going to have to work through this and assess where I am as an adult so that I pick people and surround myself with people who are healthy for me.

What if you've chosen someone that you love deeply, but it's unconsciously your unfinished business? Is that the wrong person for you once you realize, oh, they're never going to change? Or is that a point for us to reflect back and say, actually, I need to heal the past and accept this person for who they are and be willing to flow within this relationship?

Well, what happens is, so you married your unfinished business, but so did they. And so if you can both recognize that, if you realize, hey, wait, we have a lot of conflict in our relationship, or we're really avoidant in our relationship, or we don't feel connected in the way we want to feel connected, that's a great opportunity for both of you to work out your unfinished business.

To heal together.

To heal together. Right.

And so that relationship could thrive if.

You both are willing to look in the mirror at yourselves and do the work. Yes. That could be a really beautiful relationship, and it could be very healing for both of you.

In fact, it could potentially be the strongest bond ever if you both were able to go through that. But if you're unwilling to go through that, then what you're gonna be in.

Both people have, right? Well, both people have to be willing. I mean, that's the thing. So it's like you may wake up one day and say, oh, wait a minute, I have all this unfinished business. And then your partner says, yeah, it's all you. You're in the relationship. You know, it's kind of like in couples therapy. So often I'll see something like someone will say, like, you never listen to me. And I'll say, how well do you listen to them? Right, right. It's always like, if you're just yelling.

At someone all day, are they gonna want to listen to you?

Right, right. So, you know, there's this dance that we do in relationship, and what happens is people are doing these dance steps, and people become very. They become very ingrained. It's like, oh, here we go. You can. You can script out people's arguments. You know exactly what they're gonna want.

It starts with one thing, and then it goes back into many different things.

And you're like, oh.

And you know exactly how it's gonna go and who's go and who's going to accuse the other person of what. And that's the dance. And so if one person changes their dance steps, the other person either is going to fall flat on the dance floor or they're going to have to change their steps too if they want to keep dancing. And usually. So we always say, you can't change another person, but you can influence another person.

How?

By changing your dance steps. So, for example, we like to say insight is the booby prize of therapy. Meaning people will come and they'll be like, oh, now I understand why I keep getting into that argument with my partner. And so then they go home and they come back the next week, and I'll say, well, did you do something different when you got in that argument? Well, no, but I understand why I didn't. So you have to be both vulnerable and accountable when you come to therapy.

How do we fight better when we are in constant repeat pattern every month or every week? It becomes an argument around something for whatever reason. It's a pattern, and couples start to notice it. How does one person or both people recognize and say, okay, I'm gonna change my dance steps and I'm gonna fight or dance better.

Yeah. The first thing is to notice, sort of, what do you own in this? What is your reaction? So we have a choice every time someone presents us with something. There's a great quote in the book, it's a Viktor Frankel quote, where he says, between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space lies our freedom.

To choose between stimulus and response. So between an action happening and your response to the action.

So your partner says something.

There's a window of opportunity.

Yes, there's that space. Usually that space for us will look like a breath. The breath is everything. The breath, really. If you don't breathe, you're screwed. If you need to take the breath or you will just respond. It's sort of like we have These neural pathways that are wired right and someone says something and you react not just to what that person in front of you is saying, but it goes back to something that reminds you of something from a long time ago. People who aren't even in the room are in that moment with you. And so that's that neural pathway. And so what you need to do is you need to take a breath. It's like a big stop sign on that road. That's your neural pathway. So hold up the stop sign. You can even picture a stop sign in your mind. Stop, breathe. Now you get to choose. How do I want to respond to this? Do I want to respond in the way I've responded the last gazillion times, which has not worked out well, or do I want to try something different? So that's part one. Part two is perspective taking. A lot of people who are in really highly conflictual relationships have trouble with perspective taking. They can't imagine that the other person has a valid perspective. Now, you might not agree with every piece of how they view this, but there's some overlap between how this person views it and how you view it. But you are not willing to see that. And so I have this new podcast called Dear Therapist. And on the podcast, so much of what we do is we help people to take the perspective of the other person. There's something that you are not seeing right now.

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For people to see someone else's perspective?

Well, two things. One is because you know that that unreliable narrator thing that we think that, that we are right and we don't want to be told. And so we what we hear when we say there's another perspective, we're not saying you're wrong, we're saying there's more to the story. So there's a difference between their perspective is valid as well, is not saying your version is wrong. We're saying there's more. So people hear it though as you are wrong. And the other part of it is that there's a lot of shame that people are sticking to a certain story because if they allow that other part of the story to come in, the part that they're responsible for will probably come up and they feel a lot of shame. So when I see individuals in therapy, they come in and they tell me a story and they leave out the parts that they are embarrassed about, the parts that they feel like that was not my finest moment.

Like what? Give me an example. Like, well, I screamed back or I did this.

Yeah.

Like, you know, here's what happened or this is the situation and my partner did this or my mother did this or my child did this or my boss did this, whatever. And they don't tell you these other details and they sort of trickle out later on and they're very relevant to the story. But that's shame. Right. And so, you know, that's why the therapeutic relationship is so important because you get to a point where you really trust the therapist and you're able to be really honest about what happened.

How much does shame shape our stories?

Oh, so much. I think that, you know, as humans we want to belong and what shame is about is I'm not going to Belong. I'm not going to be loved. The greatest human need is how can we love and be loved? And when you feel like there's something I did that people will look upon badly, they might not like me if I tell them this. That's just wired into us.

It's like the ego death to us. It's like the emotional death. If someone knew this about us, they would not love me, and I would emotionally die.

And I will be alone.

I'll be alone.

Yeah.

Yeah. And we need other people.

I felt like this way for many years where I opened up about sexual abuse about seven years ago. And for 25 years, no one knew because I was so ashamed. And I felt like if anyone knew, how could they possibly love me?

Yeah.

Or accept me or how would anyone want to date me or my family? How would they not disown me? These were the stories that I was writing. I was a bad editor.

Yeah.

How does someone who's done something that they're not proud of in the past, who's had something done to them that they're not proud of, whatever they've been in a situation that they feel shame around, how does someone start to process that shame to heal so that it doesn't continue to run their life and keep them imprisoned?

Yeah. Well, I think they do what you did, which is you started talking about it. And I think you have to choose your audience, which is really important, especially as you're just starting out. So you want to make sure that.

Don'T tell your abuser who's the toxic relationship.

Well, you know, I think you have to really choose someone who's safe. And if you don't have those people, you know, I think a therapist is a really good place to start. But I do think that it's harder for men to talk about anything, whether it's sexual abuse or even, you know, just sort of like anything they feel vulnerable about. And so men will come into my office and they will say to me at some point, you know, I've never told anyone this before. And then.

Do women say that?

Yes. So here's the thing. Women will say that. They'll say, I've never told anyone this before except for my mother, my sister, and my best friend. You're the only one who.

I don't know.

You're the only one.

Right, right.

Well, I haven't told.

I told my book club. I told. You know, whatever it is. They've told, like, a few people, but they feel like because women. It's acceptable for women to Talk about these things. And so they feel like they haven't told anyone because they still feel like there's some degree of privacy around it. Men literally have told no one. And they might even if they have, like, a great partner and they have close friends, you know, they have a great family, whatever it is, they feel like, I cannot tell anyone because vulnerability for men in our culture is not okay, even though we say that. So this is even though women say.

I wish she would open up.

I wish. I wish she would cry and be more sensitive. But then when they are, they're like, I need you to be strong right now.

Right. So this is exactly what happens in couples therapy. So I'll have two people sitting on the couch, and I have a couple and say, it's a heterosexual couple. And the woman says to the man, like, I really want to get to know you. I feel like we would connect so much more if you would just open up to me. I want to know what's going on, going on inside there. Right? And he does. And let's say he tears up. Let's say he actually starts crying in a way where, like, his body is convulsing. Right. She looks at me like deer in headlights.

How do I tear up?

She's so profoundly uncomfortable. And this is the thing that she was asking for. So what she'll say is, I don't feel safe when you don't open up to me, and I don't feel safe when you're vulnerable with me. It's like Goldilocks. It's like, not too much, not too little, but right in the middle. That's how vulnerable you can be with me.

I've been saying this for a long time that I feel like this is one of the main things that hurts all intimate relationships.

Yes.

When a person doesn't feel safe to.

Share their emotions to the person that says they love them the most and actually makes them wrong for it or makes them less than or retracts their love when they're vulnerable. So I don't know the solution for.

This, besides saying this all the time.

And besides saying, ladies, like, if you want a vulnerable man who's emotional, you have to accept him when he's emotional.

Well, not just accept, but embrace.

What is this self talk you do internally? If you don't have a mirror, if you're not alone in a bathroom, what's.

Your process that you say to yourself?

What are the reminders? What are the mantras, meditations that you.

Think about before that?

It always helps me to voice it. Whenever I'm insecure, I. Either I write about it somewhere or I'll speak to somebody who I trust. My mom, my husband, my best friend. But I find it easier to talk about it. So that's why I have a healthier relationship with my insecurities, Because I take away their power by discussing them. I choose not to live with them alone in the dark recesses of my mind, because then they become monsters, and then they become really, really large, and. And they're usually not real. So it's always been very helpful to me Whenever I'm feeling crazy or insecure or afraid or even if I feel like I've made a mistake. My dad told me this when I was very young, when I was, you know, 16. The first time he sat me down and he gave me a glass of champagne, and I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, you're 16, you know, gonna have a glass of champagne with me? You're gonna do it anyway. It was like. And he told me. He was like, whatever happens in your life, you should feel free to be able to do it with your parents. There's nothing to hide from us. I'll always be in your corner. And, you know, he told me that about feelings. I always had the freedom to talk to my mom or my dad as a kid about anything I was feeling, at least to my father. I wouldn't discuss the boyfriends. But my mom, she was, like my best friend. She knew about every, you know, object of attraction that I ever had. And I think that that sort of gives you the sense of confidence to be able to talk about it. And I just think it's a great first step to get rid of insecurities.

I'm just a big believer. I love everything you're saying, and I'm just a big believer that if people really listen to this and understand, taking in what you're sharing, that it's hard to achieve anything without confidence. You could have the greatest experience. You could have the greatest degree. The sk. You could have the family. You could have the money. Like, you could have good looks, whatever it is. You could have this stuff. But if you don't know how to build confidence when it matters, it doesn't matter if the world believes in you. If we don't believe in ourselves, nothing's gonna happen.

And the world won't believe in you if you don't believe in you. And I think, like, as someone in the public profession, you know, my job is to be entertaining and be confident, and in every step that I take and in every move that I make. But I think recognizing that confidence is not something we are born with. It's. It's a skill. It's like, you know, it's a muscle almost. If you think of it like going to the gym and you know, to have muscles and to be in shape, you got to work at it. Just like the vocal cords. People, the greatest musicians in the world, they use, you know, their, their vocal cords, they do riyas, like we call it in Hindi, but which is warm ups and stuff like that. So confidence to me is like that. You start you using that at a very small level. Everyday life, you know, when you're in school. There were times when I was in school where I used to take the other hallway because I didn't want to bump into someone else. When I started high school, by the time I was in 11th grade, I was walking in the middle of the hallway.

You stood around, you're getting people moving away.

Yeah, I was like, excuse me, I didn't even have to say that I was just walking because. And that's the same person. But I think that in any profession or any aspect of life, confidence is perception, is reality. Most people believe that. Right. You know, that how people perceive you is what they think reality is. So give them something perceivable.

Amen to that. What would you say are three things on a daily basis that you do to build confidence that you think anyone could apply for their life even if they feel like they have no confidence?

When I wake up in the morning, I take time in the bathroom. Like I shower. I will, you know, pick the outfit that I'm feeling today. I will, you know, sort of doing my makeup and my hair sort of helps me or my skincare routine. Actually, night helps me be sort of introspective. Otherwise through the day I'm very erratic. I have, you know, multiple balls in the air. Professionally, I'm doing a lot of things. I'm always behind on time. I'm always playing catch up. So at the end of the night, in the beginning of the day, I really give myself some silence. I play music and, you know, I put my creams on and I really think about what the day is going to be like and how my first step outside room is going to be. When I take that first step outside my safe space, it sets the tone for my day. So I try not to have it be erratic or scary or like, you know, if I'm late and if I'm running, that always sets the tone for my energy through the day. So I try to really, you know, start my day on the tone I want to have and the confidence I want to have. And at every given step during the day, I remind myself of the things I have instead of the things I don't have. Like, insecurity comes from a lot of it sometimes I think comes from, oh, my gosh, I don't have this. It's not good enough, or I'm not good enough for particular scenario or a particular situation, or, you know, we start judging ourselves. And this was another lesson, actually an activity that my mom and I used to do is we used to count our blessings. And, you know, me and my husband do it, too. Whenever we're feeling crazy because our schedules are insane, we're, you know, always in different parts of the world, we do that. We count our blessings about just five things that whenever you're feeling sort of crazy and unstable that, you know you have that you're really grateful for. And I'm not even saying this superficially, this was, like, truly an exercise. No matter how badly off you are, someone else is worse off than you. That makes it so easy to count your blessings.

I mean, especially watching this latest movie that you're in. I mean, White Tiger. I've only been to India once. I went there four years ago and studied meditation in Chennai for a couple of weeks. But I went to Delhi and kind of traveled around a little bit. I didn't see everything, but I saw a lot of dark things and a lot of things that were constantly reminded me, wow, I have a lot to be grateful for every moment. So I think it's important to have.

That perspective in our lives, that we.

Always have something to be grateful for. Even when it's the darkest time, there's something to be grateful for.

Absolutely. And that's so empowering that, to me, is my greatest mantra, is, you know, truly and tangibly, do it on your fingers. Do it like just five things. And it's a great exercise to do with someone as well. Your kids, your family. You know, anytime it's just like, five things, then you have to just say, rattle it out, the five things that you can think of at that point. But, you know, the crazy part about the White Tiger is that it's based in India and you probably reacted to it because it's shot so authentically. But if you think about it, the majority of the world lives in those conditions, you know, and the socioeconomic divide that exists right now is only increasing. Like, even the sustainable development goals have been set to eradicate extreme poverty because it's such a big problem. There's such a large population of the world and we as privileged society, we as privileged people. Anyone who has a roof above their head and meals on their table is privileged. And as privileged people, like that's something that's our concern. You know, there's a large generation of children who don't have a choice in their future or in their lives. They don't know if they can have aspirations or dreams and how desensitized. Last time, you know, you've driven past a homeless shelter and you've not even looked at it or a homeless person and not even looked at them. It's the desensitization that we as people who have. And that's the differentiation between the have nots. But it's also a reality. And it's a reality every, everywhere in the world.

I don't want to give away the whole movie. I want everyone to watch it because it was really powerful and inspiring to see someone come from poverty to essentially become an entrepreneur and be successful in their own way. And the story is really powerful. But you took on a role that is I found fascinating because that's probably not. I don't know if that's how you would react in real life because I know you have such a giving, grateful heart, caring about humanity. But your character does something that's very controversial and you essentially, from my opinion, don't take accountability. And how did you feel doing a role that is probably against your morals, your values, and the way you live your life right now?

I never judge my characters, you know, like I never judge people. Live and let live. Each person is individual to their decisions. And if I started, I would never be able to play bad guys. And I love playing bad guys. But I think what was most interesting for me when I was playing, playing Pinky is she's an American. You know, she. And I'm an Indian who's grown up in India and understands the complexity of the diversity of that country. There is no one India. There is multiple Indias. And you can spend your whole life trying to get to know it and you'll still never know her. So this is one aspect of India that is showcased in this movie. But it's also. It's more than that. It's the story of this one man and everyone else from his perspective. So it's not us looking at him or the country. It's him looking at all of us saying, oh, you know, and especially with my character she's woke, but she's fake woke. Right. She's one of those girls who's like, why don't you pull yourselves out of your circumstances? My parents worked in a bodega, you know, and I pulled myself out. Why don't you do it? He doesn't have a roof over his shoulders. His parents, his family doesn't have food. It's a completely different complexity that most woke people don't have the ability to understand, including me. I lived there and I can't claim to understand it because, you know, I have had basic lively life rights since I was a child. I've been to school, I've had an opinion about where my future is going to be, choices. And that's what's so amazing to me about this movie was that I leaned into playing a character that was fake woke and, you know, pivoted when it wasn't convenient. Me and my husband both in the movie. Not my real husband.

Right, right.

The character in my, in the movie, both of us sort of like were like, this is not the right thing. But you know, when it wasn't, when it was inconvenient, we kind of stood back and watched. And that's a very human testament, which is why this movie, which was originally a book by Arvind Adiga, which came out in 2008, it was a Man Booker prize winner. It was a New York Times bestseller. When this book came out, that's exactly what it did. It was such a human sort of transcript. Human behavior, you know, flawed, not black or white. Living in gray. All of them living in gray. Which is truly how we live. And it's sort of self reflective. It should make people feel introspective and think about the last time we behaved like that. Plus, it's clever and it's sarcastic. Sarcasm is my favorite language.

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Tone of the movie as well.

Speaking about sarcasm, was it pretty easy for you to step into that character living in LA then with all the woke, fake woke people here?

I mean, I will say that I, I may have been inspired by my surroundings just a little.

I'm curious, excuse me, I'm curious about your evolution as a woman in this industry. Typically, younger women are more desirable for opportunities in their late teens, early 20s. And it's like when you're 26, 27, it's almost like you're old as a woman and you may not be the young sexy one anymore or something in this industry. How do you feel after getting into your late 30s now? How have you evolved personally to not allow that stigma to hold you back from being who you want to be, from accepting yourself, from loving yourself, from innovating and reinventing yourself that you've done so Many times. How do you not let that stigma hold you back?

I can't say that I don't. I just am hoping that it doesn't happen to me. You know, we live in a world where anything is possible right now, as we've seen in the last few years, a few months, years as well. And I think that I remember when I was in my. When I was 28, my mom sat me down one day and she said, you know, girls have a shelf life and you're reaching that where you know, the older boys, they're always looking for the younger girl to act with. And even if they're in their 50s, you know, they're still going to be working with 20 year olds. But you're going to be old and you need to think about a business if acting opportunities stop coming your way. That's how I actually started my production house. Because I was like, you're right. What if I'm like, I need to be financially independent in my life. But at the same time, while this was happening to me, I recognized that innovation and reinventing who I am, even for me, is so important and being true to the craft that I'm doing and the service that I have to provide, which is my job. So I started trying new things. I started wanting to grow. I didn't want to stagnate into doing the same kind of roles. I didn't want to stagnate in, you know, similar kind of parts or even languages and borders. And I did music. I was signed as a recording artist to Interscope, where I met Bose. I pivoted from that into television that I had never done English language tv. Then I moved into features in America. Now I'm producing in India and America and acting in both these countries, which are two of the greatest movie industries in the world. But if I sat down to think about the glass ceiling that was built for me, I would never have a trajectory powerful enough to break it.

Wow.

Because I didn't make that glass ceiling. So I don't want to think about where it is. You know, it's been made by other people. So you just kind of have to have, you know, speed and run towards your end game and, you know, have a goal and be ambitious and fuel that ambition every single day.

What is the end game?

To have a legacy. I think I want my children to be proud of, you know, the legacy that I've had. I want to be hopefully, you know, part of, you know, the history books of entertainment where I may have contributed to the arts in some way with the work that I have done or the work that I create or the work that I will do. So I want to be able to, as a woman, you know, leave a better world for the girls after us, like the women before me did for me. I don't think about voting today. I don't think about driving today. I don't think about aspiring to have the same job as a man. And all of those fights were fought by women that came before me. So it's my responsibility and our responsibility as a generation to leave it better for the next one. So those are broad strokes of my.

End games and what I mean, I'm sure you get this question a lot. I'm just curious because my audience is a lot of high achievers. They're big dreamers. They're going after what they want. They're learning the skills, the tools to become more confident, more giving, all those things. It sounds like you're doing everything all at the same time. How do you navigate intimacy, connection, love with, you know, you know, your husband, your family, your friends, the people that matter the most to you? How do you navigate relationships with such a busy, full plate?

It's not easy. You know, there's not as much FaceTime as you would possibly want. But I, when I made the deal with the devil about, you know, running at this fast pace many years ago, I realized that there would be sacrifices that are required and you know, when you have, there's no free lunch in the world and when you have ambitions, you've got to sort of pay for it and. But I overcompensate or I try and compensate with making sure even if I don't have FaceTime or if I've like for a very long time in my life, I missed, you know, birthdays and Diwali and New Year's and I would always be working and all I could do was apologize. And my family always understood because, you know, I was, I was working at something. But I think that I, I made sure that I always call. I never forget birthdays. I will always call on a birthday if I go to a city, even if I can't meet someone, my family, my friends, I'll make sure we FaceTime. I'm very, it made me very thoughtful about the people I love. I love loving the people I, that I care about. I love making them feel special. And I love being empathetic. And I think it's very important to leave the baggage of the job behind when you walk into your house and just be true to what you're feeling. I think it's important to choose relationships when you're really busy, because we can all be caught up in life, and life is like a really fast river. You know, you don't know what the currents are going to be because it's just moving. You don't know what you're gonna bump into because it's just moving. But you have to choose to hold on to something when you want to take a breath, right? Just like that. You have to choose to hold on to a relationship, whatever that might be, with your children, with your family, with your parents. You have to make the time, and you have to tell the people you love that you love them. Don't just assume that they know you got some wisdom.

Priyanka, I love this.

Thank you.

I'm curious about.

I know how meaningful the relationship was with your father, and he obviously got to experience a lot of your success, and I'm sure he was extremely proud of you for the 3000 movies and all the projects you worked on. But I'm curious, what do you think, personally, he would be most proud of that you've done in your life since his passing?

That I didn't give up, you know, that I didn't rest on my laurels. He used to always push me. He would always push me to never be satisfied with what I have. He pushed my ambition. He flamed my ambition. He was always like, what's the next thing? What are we doing? He loved hearing stories about the next movies that I was doing. I used to literally narrate them to him in the hospital bed as well. This is my character, and I used to break down my characters with him or movies that I wanted to make. And, you know, there were phases in my life like that, a little bit of a dark phase, especially after my dad died, where I felt like, I don't know if I could keep up with the life that I had built and what was expected of me by then, because I personally took a hit and I personally was feeling sad and, you know, sadness sort of sadness is strangely seductive. You know, it kind of sucks you in and you're. It's like. It feels comfortable. It feels like you're floating, and it's easy. Light might be harsh a little bit, but the joy that you feel when you choose light, when you choose to let go of the seduction of sadness. I think my dad was afraid that because I'm very sensitive, that I would have been seduced by sadness for a long time. He was very afraid of that. Even before he died, he used to always talk to me about, don't be sad, do not be sad. I'm not going away. I'm always with you, you know, but I was. I was tremendously sad. And. But it takes. It takes choosing yourself. And I've done that multiple times in my life. And I think it's such a powerful tool because the longest relationship you have is with yourself.

I read somewhere about you sharing that. You come into this place alone, you leave this place alone. You've got to, you know, build that relationship with yourself. I love that you keep saying, choose yourself. A friend of mine wrote a book called Choose Yourself. His name's James Altucher. And it's a really powerful book. It's about, you know, going after you want and choosing yourself and not allowing someone else to dictate what you can and can't do and all that stuff. But I love that you keep using that phrase because I think it's important for people to be reminded that we need to choose ourselves when no one else will choose us. We need to be there for ourselves when we're satisfied.

It's no one's job. It's no one's job to choose someone else. You know, your parents will do it for a while, your spouses will do it for a while, maybe your children will do it for a while, but you are no one else's responsibility but your own.

Yeah.

And what you do with your life and the choices you make dictate the sum of your life. It's such simple math, actually. We are the sum of all our choices. And, you know, if you want to achieve something and if you want to achieve greatness, and I'll give you a small example. The White Tiger, the movie, I was never attached to it. I was never approached for it. I read about it on Twitter, that it was being made. I read in a trade magazine. I read, you know, Deadline actually, that the White Tiger is being adapted by the director Ramin Barani and for Netflix. And I was like, I have to be a part of this movie. I called the agents, I called my agents, I made them call the producers. I chased Ramin from Mumbai to New York to la. I met him three times. I auditioned with him three times. I offered my services as an executive producer because I wanted the material, because I want to align myself with good content. And I believe that would be good content.

So many young kids feel that way about the followers and engagement, the likes and they tie it to their self worth and if they don't get that engagement, it's. It emotionally messes with them.

So what would.

What advice would you give to people on the Internet right now who are. Who are constantly on Instagram or Twitter or wherever it is TikTok and it affects them.

The advice I'm. I would give them, they're not going to listen to. Don't be on. It's completely. Get off of it. Erase it. Delete the account as a whole. Don't just. I'm gonna delete the app. That's the biggest thing.

I hear you come back out three days.

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna take a break. Yeah, bro, come on. Like, forget about it. Sometimes I do certain posts if I want it to be very personal, but I don't have it on my phone. My assistant does. So I'll be like, hey, like, let me. I don't know, tweet Lil Nas X or something. And so I'll like, I'll. I'll do that from myself. And then sometimes I'll, like, see something and I'll be like, oh. Oh, wow.

Oh, my God.

And then I'm like, holy, what am I doing? I'm scrolling.

What.

What is this? And then I literally. I'm like, get this away from me. I say it every time, which is really funny. But you know What? It is? Man 1. It's also a different era. So when social media started to become a thing, I was 17. This is 2007. I remember this because I remember watching the. That the Dark Knight was coming out and everybody was gonna hate on what's his face for being Joker, Heath Ledger. And I thought he was gonna do great. And he did, and that was awesome. And so I just remember Ashton Kutcher had, like, the most amount of followers.

Yes.

On Twitter.

Yeah.

It was like, it was a big deal.

Such a thing.

Was he the first one to a million or something or.

Yeah. Yeah. And so this was. For me, it kind of happened later. Right. Like, I was. I didn't really catch myself, like, online like, all the time until like 2021. So I was a little older. But what I'm saying is these. These kids are literally born with a phone in their hands. So it's difficult. Yeah. Because so much of their socializing actually isn't really even in person. And when they are in person, they're still on their phones, so there's no connection. Right. So because of this, my nephew nieces.

My nephew nieces up.

We were.

We were on a vacation and they were literally on their phone the whole time. And I have been with one of them before where they're with their friends and they're all friend. They're chatting with each other on the phone next to each other. Go, what are we doing here? You're chatting with each other through the phone, but you're next to. It just makes no sense to me.

It's freaking weird. Now, the issue is that we know. The issue is that we can't relate, right? Because that wasn't our childhood. Right. So in many ways, even though it's definitely not healthy, there's things that we can relate to about kids, right? Like, I don't know, you're in seventh or eighth grade and you're in your first kind of real relationship and you've been dating for like three weeks, and it's amazing. And then this guy or girl breaks your heart, and then you go home and you act a certain way and your parents find out, and the parents are like, oh, don't worry. Like, you'll, you're going to be over this. You don't understand. And it's like, no, I do understand. Like, this ain't like. But it's okay. Like, d. So, but we can't do the same thing when it comes to social media because we don't know what that's like. We haven't been there. We haven't been bullied online and in person. We haven't had a crush on somebody face to face and then accidentally liked, you know, their picture. And it's like this thing. And then I don't, you know what I mean? Like, there's a whole world of online bullying and just things that I could, I, I can't understand and, or put myself in if I was, I was a kid. So I don't really know what I could say to a child that's constantly on social media. I will say it is. I, I do believe it is very similar to the. This guy or girl broke your heart. Like, you're going to be all right. Like, if you get off of this thing, like, you'll be okay. But our society is headed to the metaverse, dude. Augmented reality. Next 10, 15 years, I, I, phones are going to be obsolete. Everybody's going to be wearing glasses. We're going to be having this conversation without any gear, any camera. It's gonna, it's, it's crazy, which I think is good and bad. I think it's going to connect people in a very positive way. And there's also going to be repercussions for trolls. You're not just going to be able to say the most gnarly. Your mouth. Because you'll be one. Banned from that person's metaverse or possibly reported and then deleted, you know, from the metaverse as a whole. It's funny, I almost sound like. Like a conspiracy theorist. The metaverse, it's a real thing, bro. Look it up.

You know, for people listening, especially the younger generation that's saying, you know, Bobby, this is great and all advice to get off, but you, you know, you made $30 million in a year. You've got your life now. You got set up. You made your art and expression to the world because of the Internet, potentially, you know, you're able to get it out there in a big way. So, you know, for people that are trying to express themselves through their art, their business, their sports, whatever their talent is, their gift, and use the Internet, how could they do without wrecking their mental health, without wanting to commit suicide, without, you know, feeling unworthy every moment of every day, and also use it as a powerful tool to advance their dreams?

What a great question. Um, I think in my previous statement, that was just to the average person, particularly, you know, young kids, teenagers, but honestly, like, even adults, like, straight up, if you want to be happier, if you want to be happier, yeah, just get off the Internet. Like, you know, like, do other. Like, you're at least these apps, these social media apps, which you're wasting your time. And when it comes to entertainment and dreams, which I totally get. Yeah, you have to destroy yourself physically and mentally. If you really, truly, like, want to do, you have to be a psychopath, man. Like, all I did was music, music, music, music all the time. I didn't go to parties. I didn't drink. I didn't. This. Not to say that you need to drink, but it's just. I didn't have. I think I didn't get drunk. So I was 26, which is great. I mean, that's really cool. Maybe I was 25, but it's like, that was my path, but it's just like. And I'm glad I did it. But what I'm saying is there's just certain things that I missed out on. Opportunities, experiences, this. That you have to be willing to do that and you have to be on. On social media all the time.

Now.

That's a real thing. If you want to blow up and you want to make it and you want to utilize this, you know, this, this device to your advantage, you have to basically sacrifice your 20s. Here's. Here's a big thing. Okay. If you are doing something where you truly do need education, of course, go get your diploma, do your thing. But if you're starting up a business college, straight up, I'm going to tell you that you don't need it. Like this. Formal education is such. Because you could be taking time and educating, educating yourself, going out, getting in the field, whether you're interning, you're this, you're that, and making it happen rather than. Rather because it's like, okay, here's another thing. Okay, cool, you get your diploma and then you, you go to some place that you want to, you know, work at, but then they tell you, oh, you need three years experience. Well, how the am I going to get three years experience if I'm out of college and I just got a degree to do this thing? So it's like you have to make it your everything. And most people can't actually do that. And I wouldn't take, take it back, though. My, My twenties were the most. My twenties were harder than my childhood. Like, wow, easily. And it was more so mentally and, and, and just what I had to deal with physically and going on tour and just, I mean, relationship. Forget about it. It was so dude grinding, like, literally, it was the hardest thing in the world. But now here I am and it's like, dude, I'm 31. And you said yourself, like, yeah, I can do whatever I want. Like, and that is kind of weird to say. It's a really weird thing. But like, bro, I earned it. And that's not me trying to sound arrogant. Like, I earned it, dude. Like, sure. I remember being alone in very dark places in hotel rooms, like, and I got through it somehow and I'm so glad I did. Like, I earned it. So that's what anyone listening now has to do. They have to earn it and they.

Have to be prepared.

I would say get therapy, get a therapist and try to find balance as best as you can. But it's. When it comes to dreams, there really is no balance. It's kind of just a hundred percent, this thing constantly until you reach a peak. Because there is a. I.

The.

My biggest thing was like, okay, how many number ones can you have? How many this, how many that. I was in this hamster wheel and for so long I had these goals and had these goals and had these goals and then I just did. I had no more goals.

Right.

I mean, you reached them.

The only real thing.

Yeah.

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So, like, the only real thing that I haven't done yet is won a Grammy. But, like, who gives a. And I realized that that's just a glorified pat on the back. So that's not even really a goal. To have a bunch of people in a committee who don't even really understand me or my music tell me you why it's worth something or not or this or that. And that's not me. Saying that is like, well, you don't have a Grammy. Like, you sound salty. Like, no, this is me realizing, like, that doesn't matter. I'm not gonna kill myself for years and years to try to get a Grammy. So with all that. Yeah, I mean, balance, focus, and would.

There have been a. Would there have been a ritual that you would have added in the last decade, knowing what you went through, knowing the ups and down, the loneliness, the darkness? Would there have been like, you know what? Every week I'm going to talk to the therapist for my twenties, or every week I'm going to get seven hours of sleep a night? Or would there have been anything you would have tried to shift that could have been like, you know what? I'm going to get off the Internet for one day a week and just sit in nature? Like, what could you have done in an ideal way?

You just said it. You said it all like that. All that would have been amazing. But there's just no way you could have told this guy that. Yeah, like, there's just no way I'm going to get off the Internet. If I'm off the Internet for one day, that's followers I'm in my head, like, followers that I'm not getting, or fans that aren't going to come to a city or this or da, da, da, da. And in many ways it's true. So that's why it's like, you have to be willing. Like me. I wanted ultimate success. I wanted the biggest success you could have. And I got it. I did it. And the reason I did that is because I sacrificed Everything to get it. Now I don't think that's healthy, but once again, in retrospect, personally I am glad I did it. But I also somehow common sense in God, just like when I was a kid, made it out the other side of all of this and realized my self worth and that I don't need to do this and all these other things I did, I did need to do that. Not for self worth, but to build a brand and a fan base around the world where I could tour for the rest of my life if I want and be financially okay. I had to do that. And now I'm just at a place where I'm like, okay, I could continue to do that. I could keep having 30 million dollar years or I could have a couple million dollar years.

Right.

And enjoy your life. Right.

And what is that? Like it doesn't really change my. Yeah. My quality of life. And you know what is even more important is I can do the thing my parents did and I can spend time with my child and I can be a good dad and that's what's more important to me now.

Yeah, you grew up in a poor household and my audience is really curious about optimizing their life in many different ways. Their, their health, their mindset, their spirituality, their relationships and financially.

And.

And you grew up in this poor household. What was your mindset around money growing up? And how did you shift your mindset at some point to really start building wealth, manifesting and attracting money and also not blow it? You're not just like spend it all and be like broke, you know, two years later.

Wow. Okay. So I don't, I don't even remember ever seeing money in the household. I remember when food stamps weren't on a card, on an EPT card and they were actual food stamps that look like monopoly money. I knew nothing of money. I knew no concept of saving it. What that meant. I mean we had just enough to get by. Like literally that was day by day. Yeah, yeah, for real. And it's like the first of the month. Like that Bone Thug song. Wake up, wake up, wake up. It's the first of the month. It's like, yeah, food stance. We eating chicken tonight. And then by the end of the month it's powdered milk and chickens and like gross gizzards and. And so. Yeah, for real. So I never understood that. I never got that. I never knew any of what that meant. I think that the, the understanding fund fundamentally like how to use and utilize money and save money and didn't Come till I was 17 and I got two jobs. So I left home at 17. I got two jobs. I worked at a flower shop and I worked at Jiffy Lube. And I'm making like 7:50 an hour, dude. Like, so it's like you're not even. This is Maryland.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's like a suburb of D.C. and there's no.

Nothing.

You can't save anything.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. You can't really save anything. So I'm enjoying like Kenny's Chinese chicken and like that. Like, like I'm enjoying it, you know, Starving Marvin subs and maybe an occasional video game or something like that. But for the most part, that was. Wasn't until I really. So I signed my deal with Def Jam in 2012 and I went from having like $12 in my bank account to $175,000 overnight.

Wow.

The first thing I did was I went to Taco Bell, because that was like Ruth Chris of those Luxury. Yeah. So I'm like, here we go. And I, I bought my homies, you know, some, some stuff. I got my producer, some. I got my, my videographer a new camera. I hooked up my mom's, my homie's mom's car that we used to drive all around because it was broken down. But besides that, I saved every, every dime that I had and I put it into myself and in my craft. And then I moved to la and I was paying rent and we were staying kind of in the hills, but it was like. Yeah, it was, it was, it was an all right house and I did all that. And then I, I went on tour and I literally, like, it was just investing my money in myself. So I would, like, I would pay for the merchandise. We'd haul it around in trash bags. We'd go to these, these, do these shows, I'm selling these tickets, Things are going good. I'm making my money back, making a bit of profit. And then I remember for the big tour, we needed a tour bus. And this was for my debut album under pressure in 2014. And by the time I fronted all the money, I only had twelve hundred dollars in my bank account. Ooh. So it's like I'm this, like, you know, I made it, my album's out, my D. But there's always something else that you don't really realize. And that was crazy. But I made my money. And then I, I, I did good. And, you know, I remember getting my first million dollar check from a merchandise company, which is crazy.

Wow.

Because we were selling Such merch and such good merch. And things were going well, well, well. And then even when I had that 30 million dollar year, like, people were like, invest your money, make your money. Make money for you. And it's not until now, you know, recently that I've actually started, you know, investing certain things like crypto and whatever and. But I'm still like that poor kid that's like, not mine. Like, if it's, if it's in this account, if it's in this account, it's not going anywhere. So, like, no, like, no. But, you know, I, I, I'm at a place now where I want my money to make me money. So, yeah, I think it's trial and error and once again, God and common sense something. Don't get me wrong, man, I've had some fun, man. I went to, I went to Vegas and blew 120 grand.

Oh.

Like, I, I knew I was gonna lose it. And I, and people were like, you're crazy. You're crazy. You're just gonna, you're gonna, you know, you're gonna put 40 grand on red. And I'm like, yep. And then I made 80 and then I lost it. And then I'm back and for it, because for me, as insane as it was, it's like this made up for every Christmas I didn't have, every birthday gift I didn't get. Like, I'm having a blast. I am paying $120,000 right now to have the best time in the world. And I don't do this all. It's not like I do this all the time. It was like, I only ever did it the one time, you know, I bought a Bronco for a quarter million dollars. I bought a bunch of nerd, you know, guitar, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But at the end of the day, it's like, yeah, dude, like I, I did, I saved my money. And, and that's because I never got into it. Like hoes and boats. And like, I was, I wasn't like, rap is what is going to be this thing. I was like, no, I'm going to utilize it and realize that this is a business and spend, spend my money where it should be.

For young artists, entrepreneur, athletes, anyone who's building their thing, whatever their thing is. What would you say are the three greatest investments they should be making? You know, once they start making a little bit of money, more than day by day. But it's like, okay, I've made, I've got an extra thousand or $5,000 a month. That's a lot of money for, for younger people. But I've got some extra cash.

Yeah.

What should I invest in?

3.

Three things that they should be investing in. Whether it's back in themselves, whether it's in their merch or their products or their, you know, hiring a coach, whatever it is, a trainer, a therapist.

Like, what would you say are those.

Three things they should be investing in at an earlier age?

I feel like if they're making pretty decent money, they're already investing in their, in themselves. They're. They're being smart enough to know that whatever their brand is or their sport or their career, like, they, they are spending that money to make sure that they can do it well. Whether they're in the gym and they're getting pre workout powder and like all like, you know, so they, they are already spending their money where, where it needs to be. It's funny because like I said, I'm the guy that was like mine, so I was just saving my money. So number one, I would say, like, save your money, like, for sure, but put it in a savings account that's going to at least, you know, make a little bit. Yeah. Compound interest and, and all this other stuff. So that's number one. Number two, have fun. I didn't have fun. I didn't have fun at all. And I. And I. I wish I did. I wish I had a little more fun. Nothing crazy, but like, that's one regret I do have is that I was so focused that I didn't really even just have like, Eve. Like, dude, I would go on trips with, it'd be like, oh, yeah, we're gonna go to Big Bear, man. And I'd be like, all right, I guess I'll go. Because it's like my best friend's birthday. So I'm like, okay, but like, I have to get there. As soon as I get there. I got the laptop and the microphone set up and like, I'm like, still recording and working. Like, I wish. I guess what I'm saying is for a day or a weekend or whatever, that I would have at least just enjoyed those precious moments with like, family, because they are my family. I don't really have family, so that was family. And it's like, oh, man. But low key. It's like my best friend's my producer, so it's his birthday, and he's like, yeah. And he's making beats with me. He's just, he's just doing it drunker than usual.

Right.

So it's like, because. So that's another thing. And then third, I don't know, I'm not sure.

Yeah, no worries. What do you think are the biggest lies around success that you wish people understood more? Because you've accomplished pretty much every goal there is for yourself, made the money, all the, you know, platinum 10 times, all this, all this stuff. What's the biggest lies around success you wish people understood more?

Well, one, it's all fleeting. So one, the biggest cliche. Money doesn't make you happiness. Success can't make you happy. Like, it's just so true. But at the same time it's a bit of a double edged sword because we all want to feel worthy, we all want to feel accomplished. And you have to, you know, like, I want to be the best dad in the world, but as, as good of a father as I want to be, I still have my own dreams. And if I don't chase those dreams and follow those dreams even very responsibly to make sure that I'm making time, like, I'm not going to be happy. And if I'm not happy, I'm not going to be a good dad. So I would tell people, I mean, the biggest thing is like, just do it because you love it. Like if, if you're, if you're doing, if your goal or motivation is like money and success, you're not going to be happy. You'll be successful, but you won't necessarily be happy. So with music, my goal for sure, I was like, I do want to make a bunch of money. I do want to be really famous. I do want this. But, but none of that mattered when I was writing my raps. None of that mattered when I was making beats, when I was actually in the studio with my friends. All that mattered is that we were creating something genuine from our heart. We were having fun, we were making the music we liked and loved. So whether it's a sport you love to play, don't just be like, oh, I'm gonna be the best running back. Or you know, I don't know about sports, I'm be honest, I watch it. But whatever that is, it's like cool. But like, do you love the game? Is it just something that your dad like drilled you to do and you're like one of the Baller brothers or whatever, you know, like, do you love it? I mean, I, I'm not hating, maybe they love it, I don't know. But I'm just, you know, it's like Joe Jackson. It's like, do you really actually love this thing. So make sure whatever it is, you enjoy it. And honestly, you could enjoy making money. Like that's a real thing. You could be like, I'm gonna start an investment company and I'm gonna this and like, it gets me excited and I'm gonna make people their money and make money from their money and that. Like, for sure. Like, you can do that. But just know at the end of the day, okay, you got that money. Now what? When somebody's like, hey, what do you like to do? And you're like, make money. Like, come on, get the out of here. Like you're gonna sit down at a date. Cool. Yeah, you got, you got the bread. You can take her to the, you know, him or her to the nice restaurant and then, but then what, fool? Like, do you like golf? Like, what do you, do you, you know, you want to go drive, go karts? Like, life is so much more than just this thing.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links and if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness+channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

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