How To Transform Self-doubt Into Your Superpower w/ Lewis Howes EP 1459

Calling all conscious achievers who are seeking more community and connection, I've got an invitation for you. Join me at this year's Summit of greatness this September 7th through 9th in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio to unleash your true greatness. This is the one time a year that I gather the Greatness Community together in person for a powerful, transformative weekend. People come from all over the world and you can expect to hear from inspiring speakers like any Inky Johnson, Jaspreet Singh, Vanessa Van Edwards, Jen Sincero, and many more. You'll also be able to dance your heart out to live music, get your body moving with group workouts and connect with others at our evening socials. So if you're ready to learn, heal and grow alongside other incredible individuals in the Greatness community, then you can learn more@lewishouse.com summit2023. Make sure to grab your ticket, invite your friends and I'll see you there. Today we are going to explore the three biggest symptoms of fear and self doubt and how to overcome them. Maybe you don't see yourself as someone who struggles with self doubt, or maybe you identify as someone who feels shackled by self doubt and wants to break free from it for good. But as you'll learn from principles in Psychology, Entrepreneurship and and in my own experience in business, self doubt comes in many different shapes and sizes. In this episode, we are going to cover the three biggest fears we all struggle with. How to identify which of these fears is holding you back, the most actionable exercises that you can apply right now to face your fears head on and more so if you're ready to turn your self doubt into a superpower, then let's dive in. Welcome to the School of Greatness.

My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur, and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.

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But if you doubt you, it is going to be near impossible to stay disciplined, to show up and do the work with full energy, to be consistent in your efforts to master a skill, to share your gifts with the world. So when we doubt ourselves, I truly believe we are going to have a life full of regret. Regretting that we didn't go after the thing we wanted to do, regretting that we didn't say the thing we wanted to say, Regretting that we missed out because we were so afraid. Self doubt is the killer of dreams. It's a silent killer. It's something internal that you ruminate on for hours, days, months, years. Thinking about wanting to do something, wanting to try something, wanting to go for it, wanting to ask that person out, wanting to try out for something that you've always been excited about, wanting to launch a side hustle or go after that dream job or, or do something greater than your current situation. Self doubt is the number one killer of dreams. I've wrestled with it. I've been, you know, crippled by self doubt at times. The belief deep down in my core that somehow I was not enough. And I don't know if you can relate to that. I don't know if you're feeling that right now in your life or you felt that in the past. I felt I wasn't good enough. I wasn't smart enough. I was too young most of the time I was kind of like the one of the younger ones in my class. And so I felt like everyone had a nine month head start on me. I had a birthday late in the school year and everyone was turning older before me. So I always felt I was younger. I was not smart enough, I was not good enough. I didn't have enough connections. I didn't feel like I was connected to the right people because I didn't have any friends growing up. So I didn't have the right relationships and connections. My talents weren't good enough. I was picked on, I was picked last on sports teams in elementary school and I remember that crippling me because I was like, oh, I'm not good enough, I'm not talented enough. And therefore because I'm not talented enough, I'm getting picked last on sports teams. And it felt like, what's the point of all this? I even had other people tell me that I wouldn't be able to realize my dreams. They were like, no, you'll never be able to accomplish your dreams. And my fears contributed to all of it. All of it. And as I studied over the last really couple of decades, about the champions mindset, developing, greatness within you, accomplishing your goals. And in the last 10 years doing the School of Greatness podcast, I, I became obsessed with learning about how to overcome self doubt. And one of the guests that we had on, Dr. Wendy Suzuki, she talked about in her book Good Anxiety that she identifies an array of anxieties that people experience that we will you experience as human beings. One is the fear of public speaking. Financial insecurity is another fear, social anxieties, just being out in public or at events and general anxiety. And I applied these tools to help create the doubt diagram which covers three core fears and anxieties that all of us as human beings have. Now what is the Dow diagram? This is a Venn diagram where fear of success, fear of failure and fear of judgment intersect. They all Meet. And as we go through this, take a moment to consider. What is self doubt costing you when you hesitate because you're doubting yourself? What price do you pay? What is it costing you in your life, in your health, your relationships, your meaning, your purpose, your fulfillment, your joy, your love, your peace? What price are you paying by allowing self doubt to consume you and control your decisions, actions, thoughts and feelings? I just want you to think about and reflect on that as we cover these three core fears in the Dow diagram. And the first fear is the fear of failure. Dr. Jordan Peterson says you're always afraid except when you learn not to be. Again, you're always afraid except when you learn not to be. Fear is our default position as humans. So if you're afraid of failure, that means you're normal. So there's nothing wrong with you if you're afraid of failure. Just to let you know, this is default human nature. But running from your fears isn't the answer. You, you can't run from it. Letting them define who you are doesn't work either. You can't be defined by your fears. According to Dr. Jordan Peterson, when we are exposed to what we are afraid of, we get less afraid of everything. When he said this, based on psychological research and studies that back this, it fascinated me because when you overcome one fear by really exposing yourself to that single fear, you actually become more flexible, adaptive, you become more resilient to all fears that you have. Which is really interesting because I noticed this in my life. When I started to go into public speaking, I became just more fearless in general. After about a year of going all in on public speaking, almost every single week I would expose myself to it at Toastmasters. And when I would do that, it was almost like I just became a more confident person in general. When I would go out to events that I didn't know anyone, I was confident. When I was, you know, having conversations with strangers, when I was taking on a new skill, it was just like, oh, because I've overcome one fear that used to cripple me. I can do anything. You almost feel like a superhuman now. Obviously it doesn't mean you're going to be fearless for the rest of your life and things are going to come and go, but it gives you this expansion and this belief that you never had before when you overcome one fear. And again, according to Peterson, when we are exposed to what we are afraid of, we get less afraid of everything. So here are questions to ask yourself to, to help you take action to overcome this barrier to greatness and one of the questions is, to what extent do you struggle to overcome the fear of failure? Think about this. To what extent do you struggle to overcome the fear of failure? And how has this fear held you back wholeheartedly from pursuing your meaningful mission? So there's so many people that I'll talk to when they hire me to coach them or when they're asking me questions and they say, louis, I've had this dream of writing a book for 10 years. I've had this dream of going after this career that I've always wanted for the last five years, but I've just always been afraid. It's been my mission to go launch this nonprofit, but I just, I'm afraid it's going to fail and I'm going to look like a, I'm going to humiliate myself in front of my peers. How has this fear held you back from pursuing your meaningful mission? And to what extent do you struggle to overcome the fear of failure? Think about these, these questions and really assess it for yourself. The second fear in the doubt diagram is the fear of success. Now, the fear of success is often tied to impostor syndrome, a fear that if you make it big in your industry, that you got there because of luck and you won't know what to do with that success. Now, I have navigated this in different ways around imposter syndrome. When I was training with the USA national team for a sport called team handball, trying to make it to the Olympics. Now, I've never qualified for the Olympics. Our team hasn't qualified for the Olympics, but I played against Olympians. And I remember I started handball, team handball, which is a big sport in Europe, pretty much unknown in the US but bigger in Europe. I started it, I don't know, about 12 years ago. And I remember moving to New York City because I wanted to learn from the best team in the country. The best amateur club team in the country was in New York City at the time. And I moved there to learn from them because they were the multiple, they were multiple national champions in the US and they had a lot of former professionals on the team. So I was trying to learn from the best. So I went there and, and I felt like an imposter because, yes, I was a former professional football player and yes, I was a two sport all American. So I knew I was a, a decent athlete, but I never played this sport. So I went into a whole new sport against professionals. And I did feel like an imposter at times. But after nine months of training I made the USA National Team, and then I went to the Pan American Championships in Argentina and Buenos Aires. And I remember going there, putting USA jersey on my chest and kind of being clueless. I still didn't really know the game fully. I didn't have decades of experience like most of the players from all these different countries. This was the Pan Am Championship, so all countries from north and South America, their national teams are competing for about a week. Tournament. And. And again, I'm new to the USA National Team. This is my first tournament. I'm new to the sport of handball.

So I still don't even know the rules.

I'm kind of, like, messing up in practice here and there. I still don't know kind of, like, basic stuff, but I was a great enough athlete to be competitive, to make the team, to bring a lot of passion. I'm a tall guy. I'm strong, I'm physical, I'm fast, all these different things. I had raw athleticism to bring in a lot of potential. So they. They brought me on the team that quickly because I had that potential, and I was actually good enough. You know, I was good enough to make the team. But I remember playing in one of the first games against Argentina, and these guys had just gone to the Olympics. They won the Pan Am Games. A couple years prior to this. They were all Olympians. And I just got schooled. I mean, I felt like a fool. I got humiliated. I got just dominated on when I was on the court. They just played with me like I was a kinder kindergartener, you know, on the. On the playground or something. They were just, like, running circles around me, juking me out, faking me out. I'm slipping on myself and falling over. I am getting laughed at. And I felt like an imposter. I was thinking to myself, who am I to think I deserve to be here? Who am I to be wearing USA on my chest playing against Olympians after nine months of playing a sport that I've never played before, who am I to think I should be here? And then quickly, I had to reassess. I had to reassess and say, you know what? I do deserve to be here. Maybe I'm not at the level of Olympians yet, but I was good enough for the coaches to bring me on this team, on the USA Team. I'm good enough to get in the game and play strong defense. I'm good enough to be a supportive teammate. I'm good enough to give my best and run around the court and run with passion and Energy and hard work. I'm good enough to, you know, get better every time and to bring positive energy to this team. And when I started to tell myself what I am capable of doing well, as opposed to what I'm not capable of doing, well, compared to Olympians who've been playing for 20 years and me playing for nine months, that's when I put perspective in place and I stopped thinking of myself as an imposter and being afraid of success. And I just said, how can I learn from every moment and give my best? Yeah, I'm not at the level of these other athletes, but I can be competitive with my own teammates, and I can improve and grow and set goals based on where I'm at, not based on where everyone else is at. 20 years more experience than me, and that allowed me to drop my guard, feel less insecure, and know that, hey, these other teams, they were better than me at this moment, and that's okay. And it just means I got more work to do. I've got to improve. I got to go back to practice, and that's what I did. Over 10 years, I improved. I got better. I learned the rules more. I learned the sport more. With repetitions, you gain confidence again. You've got to go all in on your fear until that fear disappears. And when you gain confidence and experience, you become less afraid of success. So an exercise for you is to think about and list out the times you've experienced imposter syndrome while they're fresh in your mind. For me, you know, that was a big one for me. It felt humiliating. I felt like I didn't belong. But I had to reframe it and just know that I was just going to gain more experience, gain the reps so that I had more confidence the next time, as opposed to saying, I don't belong. I'm never going to be successful, so I'm going to give up and stop playing a sport that I love. The third fear in the doubt diagram is the fear of judgment. Now, if I'm honest with you, the fear of failure and the fear of success wasn't my main fears. It wasn't my main thing holding me back in life. Because in sports, you learn that failure is a part of practice. It's the way to become successful. So I knew that when I failed, it was feedback. It was information helping me to improve. I didn't take it so personally, and I wanted to be successful. I was never really afraid of success. But that imposter syndrome can creep in at times when you feel like, oh well, I'm not, I'm not ready for this yet. It's just information to help you improve. But fear of judgment was the thing that I struggled with because it was really taking me back to childhood, most of my childhood, where I didn't feel like I was enough, where I felt picked on, where I felt picked last, where I felt like I wasn't smart, where my dyslexic, you know, experience of struggling, reading and writing and remembering things in school made me feel insignificant and therefore I doubted myself a lot. So the fear of what are other people thinking about me has been something that I've wrestled with most of my life, really until the last five to 10 years, where I've had to really navigate, really heal those memories and create new meaning behind those memories and start to build a self identity that is more worthy of my past insecurities and fears. And so this was the one that crippled me because it was the thing where it made me more defensive, it made me more emotionally reactive, it made me more fearful about what people were going to think and say about me. So I was always worrying and I was always people pleasing and I didn't. And I would abandon myself to try to make other people happy in relationships and career and business and sports. And that's the thing that got me emotionally drained, made me resentful, made me frustrated, and that emotional energy tied me up from having more courage and having more energy to create what I wanted in my life.

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C Site for Details the fear of judgment held me back in so many different areas and it hurt me along the way until I learned to truly find the root cause of it and learn to heal those memories. I started to go to therapy many years ago. That helped a lot. I started to do a lot of workshops. I started to do meditation, ice bath training. I started to do breathing experiences. All these different things allowed me to create more harmony and peace and not be afraid of judgment. And also I created incredible boundaries that aligned with my values and my vision. Doing these practices and exercise and integrating them consistently over time really has allowed me to worry less about the fear of judgment. Now this doesn't mean I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I do care. I do care what people think. I want to be. I want to be liked in the world. I want to, you know, make sure that I'm not hurting people intentionally and making sure I'm trying to add value and be of service to the world. But even by having great intentions and doing my best to be the best person I can be, they're just going to be people that don't like me or that are judgmental or critical. And I cannot allow those individuals to consume my attention, my time, and pull me away from my meaningful mission. And I really want you to ask yourself, what are the invisible chains of judgment showing up in your life? This is something to reflect on right now. When I asked Dan Millman on my show the School of Greatness about this, he observed that many people feel their identity is on the line with the opinions of others and even their entire self worth. So imagine if your identity is shaped by the opinions of others and your self worth is as well. Then we are walking around reacting to people's opinions and trying to get them to shift their opinions about us constantly. That is an exhausting game to play. Now we both agreed letting our identity be defined by the opinions of others was a massive mistake when I was talking to him on the show. But he made the point that if we focus more on how we can serve others rather than what they think of us, like how do I look and do they like me and do they? Are they talking about me behind my back and how do I sound and am I interesting to them? If we can think about how can we serve others, we can move past the anxiety about their opinions. And this is something that I talk about with our team here at Greatness Media where I'm always talking about, listen guys, we are in the business of being of service, creating valuable content, creating valuable books and programs, making our event about service and thinking how can we serve our community? What is it they need and how can we try to do our best to bring the best content possible to serve people. That's what I think about when I step in an interview. I even ask the guest, what's the best way we can serve you today? It's, it's trying to do that on every level, if possible. And in fact, Dan Millman calls this the God of Opinion. And I think he's right about it. It's crazy. We might as well create a little idol called Other People's Opinions and worship it at an altar, because that is how so many people live their lives. They have an altar with a little idol called Other People's Opinions and they worship it all because they need the approval of others to define their identity. And I get it. We are social creatures. We need to survive and we need other people to like us in some extent. So make sure we do survive. Because without social connections, we will be depressed. We, you know, will feel unsafe and no one wants to be kicked out of their home. So we need to have people liking us and we need to have great social connections. But when we have an idol called Other People's Opinions and we worship it and all we do is try to get the approvals of others, it is going to hurt us in the long run. So ask yourself, how has this fear held you back from pursuing your dreams? Have you let the opinions of others define you so much that you've been afraid to take action, that you've been afraid to leap, to try something different, to let go of something that you don't want to hold on to anymore? All these different things? Ask yourself, how has this fear held you back from pursuing your dreams? I want to give you a few tools and exercises to overcome your fears. Because again, I believe self doubt is the killer of dreams. You can have all the skills, you could have all the talent, all the potential, all the intelligence, all the good looks, all the great connections? You could have been born in the right city. You could have been born with parents that have lots of money. You could have been born healthy. All these different things could happen for you. And this might be you right now. But if you've let criticism or the opinions of others, or the fear of failure, or the fear of success hold you back from courageously using your talents and gifts to multiply them, to act courageously and create something magical and meaningful in your life, or just have beautiful relationships, or create peace and harmony inside of you, then you're allowing these fears to consume and control you. And that is a life of regret later down the line. So Here are some tools and exercises to help you overcome these fears. Number one, take a moment to take inventory of which of these three fears is holding you back the most. Again, failure, success, or judgment could also be a combination of all three. Right? And that's okay. This is just a moment to assess. There's no right or wrong here. And we'll walk through four different exercises that you can put into practice today, right now, to start overcoming this self doubt or insecurity you might have. It is a process and it won't happen overnight, my friend. I'm telling you, it took me a year, every single week, going to Toastmasters to help me overcome the fear of public speaking. And then it was really like 10 years where I still felt nervous and I still felt like it was some challenging moments to get up on stage. But that first initial year was a massive breakthrough for me. And then it got easier over time. So it's not like this overnight thing. This stuff takes time. The bigger the fear, sometimes the longer it takes. Here's the first tool that you can put into practice or an exercise of these four, Number one is what I like to call rainy day letters. Now, these are letters that you write to yourself that remind you about how much you matter. They remind you about the accomplishments you've had in your past, the gifts that you do have, your talents, the things that you're grateful for, the contributions you've made to the lives of others and. And more. They can take form in a variety of ways. But the key here is to be as specific as possible with these things that you write down and for it all to come from a place of gratitude. Because most of the times we diminish ourselves. We're not grateful for the things that we've created. And when you write these letters, anytime you're going through a stressful moment or you're feeling anxious or scared, take a moment to open up one of these letters that you've written to yourself and read it out loud. Read it out loud so you can hear your voice about how beautiful you are inside and out, how talented you are, how gifted you are. And when you write these letters, you've got to write them as if you are the biggest cheerleader in your life, as if you are the hype man of your life. Like someone that just is so excited about you, about your success, about your results, about how you've overcome hardships and adversities and challenges. Not the critic that says, well, I only did this and this and this. And comparing yourself to others, you were like stepping into the hypeman of hypeman. You are like the UFC announcer who is just singing your praises. Introducing from Columbus, Ohio, Lewis, how's like you are just hyping yourself up in these rainy day letters to yourself. Now it might seem a little weird or silly or whatever, but guys, I'm telling you, I've tried all this stuff. I've done all of these exercises and all these things over the last 15 years while I've been diving into overcoming self doubt for myself. And they all work. It's your intention, your energy behind them to support you. Okay, again, anytime you're feeling down or stressful, anxious or scared, open up one of these letters. So write a few letters to yourself and do this. Science supports the concept of rainy day notes as well. When I was speaking with Dr. Laurie Santos, the Yale professor and founder of the Happiness Lab, she told me there are a number of studies that link expressing gratitude with the release of dopamine and serotonin. So do this in a grateful way when you write these to yourself. The second exercise is from my friend Mel Robbins, which is called the Five Second Rule. Now Mel said, we as humans make decisions based on our feelings and that's exactly what's robbing us of joy and opportunity. The only way we can truly change our lives is with 15 second decision at a time. Whenever you have to make an important decision, whether that's making a cold call, going to the gym, or getting up after the second alarm goes off when you're in bed, Mel says we should all count down from five to one and then take action.

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Works as well because there's a five second window between an instinct or motivation and the hesitation to not act on it. So lean into your fear until it disappears. And again, in the description of these show notes on this podcast, you can go to these episodes that we'll have them all linked up to for each one of these exercises. So you can learn more about these exercises and those full episodes. The third exercise is to lean into your fear until it disappears. Now, again, I mentioned the story about Toastmasters briefly, but I was crippled by the idea of speaking in public. I don't know if any of you have ever had this fear of getting in front of a group or at your office meeting or something like that, but I just couldn't do it. I would just not do it. I would pass in class. I would just say, I can't do it. If I knew I had to speak, I would find a way to go to the bathroom. Like, I just was so afraid to speak in front of people. And I said to myself, no longer do I want this fear to run my life. So when I was about 24, I joined Toastmasters, and I went every single week. And it was miserable. I'm not going to lie. This was not fun, was not enjoyable. I dreaded it. But I got better over time, and I started to take it less seriously in terms of, like, how much it mattered and how much people cared about me. And the more I did it, the more I enjoyed it. I actually became decent at it. I actually enjoyed the progress I got. And it started to feel fun. And I'm telling you, when you go all in on your fear until it disappears, you feel superhuman. You feel like you can do anything just because you went all in on that one fear that was holding you back. And now you overcame that. You're like, what else can I overcome? You feel this sense that. This urge to try on other things, and it's like this. This superpower. You almost feel invisible now because you're like, wow. I took on my biggest fear. I can do anything. And I love that. I started doing that with salsa dancing. It was another massive fear of mine. I started doing that, and it was miserable the first month. I mean, I was just bad, you know, this tall white boy trying to be in the Latin world, essentially. And I didn't understand the language, the music, the dance, the culture. It was rough. But then I fell in love with it, and I got better at it. And now I. I can't wait to listen to salsa music and dance. And I'm always like, this is amazing. And it made me feel more invincible for other things in my life, feeling like you can do anything. And this is sometimes called exposure therapy in psychology. So again, when you expose yourself to the thing that you struggle with the most and you get better at it over time, you feel like you can do anything. The last exercise here is the magic minimization for formula. And this is on page 112 of the Greatness Mindset, the New York Times best selling book that just came out recently called the Greatness Mindset. Make sure you guys grab a copy of that book or a few of them. So many of you have been sharing them out on your Instagram stories and the Twitter and LinkedIn about all the great lessons you're learning from that. So a big thank you. If you've already bought the book, you can go to greatness.com book right now if you want to go get it. It's on Audible as well if you'd rather go download it on Audible. But in this exercise of page 112 of the Greatness Mindset, here's the steps. Step one is to analyze the problem. So an example could be I'm worried if I pursue my true passion, then I'll lose my job because they won't support me doing this outside working hours. Step two would be to accept the worst possible outcome. So in this scenario, the worst possible outcome is losing your job. Step three is minimizing the problem. So the example would be, I'm worried that I will lose my job. If I lose my job, then I know other positions are available at a different company. I can use my LinkedIn account to connect with other people in my field. And if that doesn't work, I can connect with alumni from my college or people with similar passions as me. But whatever happens, I can start to pursue a new job, maybe even something I want more. So again, this is part of this exercise called the Magic minimization formula. And it's essentially taking the scenario to the worst case scenario. But the worst case scenario typically is something great that could happen at the end when you keep going down the path, right? So this is just all an example, these four different exercises to really support you in overcoming these fears that you might have. And again, I'm a big believer that self doubt is the killer of dreams. And if we can get to the root of it, if we can dissect it, analyze it, if we can overcome it through taking on action consistently through exposing yourself and using some of these practices and exercises and formulas to support you in the fear, the crippling fear that I felt so many times most of my life, to help you just navigate it one moment, one step at a time, I'm telling you, on the other side of that is magic, is beauty, is peace, and most of all is freedom.

And there you have it, the three fears we all face and how to transform them into your superpower. Again, I want to acknowledge you for investing your time, your energy and your effort into being the best version of yourself and being here. And as you leave and live out the lessons from today's episodes, remember be kind to yourself. You can't face all your fears and overcome self doubt in one night. It's an ongoing process, but one that's so worth it. My hope is that you can use this episode as a resource to revisit when you need that reminder that self doubt is the greatest obstacle to greatness. Also, I want you to consider is it a fear of judgment, failure or.

Success that's stopping you?

How can you take aligned action with your desired goals? And finally, my hope is that if you'd like some extra support on your journey to a great life, then I encourage you to get a copy of my brand new book, the New York Times bestseller the Greatness mindset. It's been 10 years in the making and the gift that I would give my younger self, I believe it is so powerful and who knows, maybe even you can give this to someone in your life who you see is living a good life, but could be living.

Also a great life.

And again, wherever you are, thank you for listening, thank you for watching, thank you for being here, and thank you for being you. I hope today's episode inspired you on.

Your journey towards greatness.

Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links and if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as.

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Learned over on our social media channels at Lewishouse.

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And if you want more inspiration from our world class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over@greatness.com newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

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