Terry Crews On Overcoming Toxic Toughness & Finding True Power EP 1258

One of the things I knew that my desire to get strong and my desire to have power and to be really, really just, I was obsessed with muscle even as a little kid because I knew one day I might have to kill my father.

Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Before the episode starts, I want to give a quick trigger warning that we do discuss different forms of sexual abuse and healing from those experiences. Your book is called Tufts, you, Journey to True Power. And you are the epitome of the tough, strong bodybuilder football guy for a long time. And you portrayed this image in movies, TV, and all these different things. Why do you feel like you had that anger inside of you? And when did you realize that you needed to let it go?

Well, wow, that's a great, great question, man. You know, for me, you know, my world was designed around competition. Yeah. You know, growing up in Flint, Michigan, it was in the middle when the auto industry imploded. You know, I was around 10 years old, and then the crack epidemic happened at the same time. So you're talking about a double whammy on a city. And so it was very violent. you know, lots of crime, lots of drugs, lots of gangs, lots of powerlessness is what I like to call it.

People felt power less.

Especially me. Because you couldn't do anything about it. You know, one thing that people didn't know or forgot is when around that time in the city, there were these smokestacks around the city. And what they were doing were burning foreign cars. Really? And I remember just seeing you walk to school and you go across a parking lot in this factory and they'd be burning a car and effigy and throwing rocks at it. And, you know, we ain't gonna have them damn, you know, Toyotas up in here, you know, 'cause it was foreign. And it just hit me about how, you know, the problem was the city was very resistant to change. But change is inevitable. And this is what I was going through. But it was also about competition. It was always about, okay, it's got to be me versus this dope man. It's got to be me versus this gang initiation that they're trying to bring me into. It's got to be me versus, you know, the grown men in my neighborhood and in my area that were always challenging me. as a young man. So you had to come up. And it made me very mad.

Really?

And growing up with an alcoholic father on top of all that.

Big Terry.

Whitney Big Terry. You know, I was little Terry. He was Big Terry. And you know, one of my earliest memories is him knocking my mother out. And I was like, got it, man. You run the world right now until I do.

Ooh. How were you then?

Oh, I was five.

Oh, man.

I was five. But I have to tell you, one of the things I knew that my desire to get strong and my desire to have power and to be really, really just, I was obsessed with muscle, even as a little kid, because I knew one day I might have to kill my father.

Oh, my gosh.

He was that dude. Wow. He was just, he was unending. never bending, just constant intimidation. You know what I mean?

Fear, intimidation.

You just didn't, you know, you never felt comfortable. You never felt like he accepted you. You always felt like something was wrong, you doing it wrong, you didn't iron your pants enough, you didn't do something enough, you didn't clean enough. You just felt always inadequate. And that was the mindset of a lot of men in that culture, in the city at the time I was growing up. And it wasn't gonna let you, they weren't gonna let you off easy. But when you ask them questions, they would never answer them.

Why not?

I don't know. See, that blew my mind because I was like, okay, just tell me what you want. And they're like, well, one day you're gonna find out. Let me tell you, one day, one day you'll get it. And you're like, but I'm 12. Can you give me a clue? Like, and man, It was-- I mean, it was only after I grew up when I realized that they didn't know. So that was a kind of a cop out. But it made me-- I had a vow with my best friend, and we were about 13, 14 years old. Because this was such a big problem. Like, his dad would never talk to him.

Really?

My dad would never talk to me. And the older adults wouldn't-- you- know, they would-- the only thing they would tell you about is how to be a pimp. You know, like, man, you want two or three girls? Let me tell you how to do it. You know, this is the game you gotta run. You're like, that's the only thing they would volunteer. But any of the other life stuff, like, what does this mean? What does life mean? What's the true meaning of this? Right. You ain't getting that. Go to church for that. And the whole concept with a lot of men in that world was that if you scared, go to church. Church was for scared people. Interesting. You know what I mean? No, no, we're too tough for that, you know? And what was so wild is we made a vow. And we made a vow, me and my best friend, that, you know, we would, I said, if you find out something before I do, promise me that you'll tell me. And if I find out anything that you need to know before you do, I'll tell you. And we literally shook on it. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget the day we did it.

Did you guys start telling each other advice or wisdom?

Yeah, we were just trying to find out stuff. Like, oh man, check this out. this is in school and this is this and this will get you to this level. And man, we gotta start working out and man, we gotta do this, you know, 'cause we were just alone. I mean, this is in the early days of even fitness.

Yeah, there was no information on fitness really about how to build your muscles.

No, we would get, I remember ordering the books at the back of comic books. Did you ever get sand kicked in your face? And you know, and I would get this little book and it had like drawings of people exercising. And then they had an old exerciser thing that was like a, it looked like a bow and arrow. And then you would just push it together and it had a string and you just do that. It was like primitive. But we were like eating anything up just to improve our lives. And it was a really, the competitive culture created in me this thing. And when we talk about rage, what we're talking about is an attempt to control things you can't control.

Because what couldn't you control at that time?

Nothing. Outside, I just looked and it was like, I had to do what everyone told me. And, you know, my father was addicted to alcohol, but my mother was addicted to religion. And he despised that. you know, because, again, it was weak to him.

But she was living in fear.

And she was living in fear. And so she's like, hey, we, we got to run under the protection of the church. But it was a, basically, as a Christian cult, I grew up in a church called the Church of God in Christ. And it was so, it was what you would call holy roller. You know, it was a lot of speaking in tongues and a lot of music and shouting and falling out and people running around and the whole thing. And I remember just feeling like I wanted that. I wanted to be close to that. Like I said, okay, this is what God is, but I never felt it. Like I was going, when is it going to take me? Because I see everybody jumping and running and shouting and I was like, and it was like, Well, you just gotta feel it. And I was like, but I don't feel it. And no one would tell me what was going on. I mean, no one. My mother, my people in the church, I would be asking, like, when do you know how this feels? Like, is it supposed to grab you? And they were like, oh, if you don't, let me tell you, the day it freaked me out is what my pastor looked at me and he said, you don't feel nothing. you must not have nothing.

Ooh, man, that's not fair.

I went what?

So it's like forces you to try to act like you feel something to fit in or belong or.

Oh, yeah. And now I'm bad.

Oh, man.

And so I learned real quick. I said, man, you gotta have two lives. You gotta be this way in church. You gotta be this. I mean, my. My father and mother fought constantly because of that. Yeah. You know what I mean? But it was all about, listen, everything that I do now, I couldn't do as a kid. I couldn't play sports, I couldn't go to secular movies, I couldn't listen to secular music, I couldn't dance, I couldn't do anything. When I say nothing, I mean, I remember I was like, what can I do? And they were like, sit down and shut up is what you can do. And what I would do is listen to kids at school talk about the movies. They would talk about all the stuff that they saw and all this stuff. And I remember going home and drawing what I thought the movie was about. And that's where my art ability came. I mean, it was hours of like imagining what this movie was.

How old were you when you started drawing and being, you know?

I was probably six, seven years old. But I remember kids talking about things that I couldn't experience.

Did anyone teach you how to draw?

I learned off comic books.

You're so talented. I was seeing your stuff.

But see, you gotta understand.

See what you did? And then you would kind of mimic what you're-- Exactly.

Any comic book or anything I saw, I would just try to-- and let me tell you, I had the most frustrating experiences because nothing would look the same. And it was a desire for me to make things extremely real. And I wanted it to really come to life. And what would happen is I would be satisfied with the drawing, like, oh man, this is good. And then I go to bed and wake up, and it would look bad again. And you're talking about this for a young kid, and then it just continued where this drive and this whole thing because it had to look better than this and it's gotta look better than yours. When you're talking about a world of competition, it created this excuse for your age. You know what I mean? And now, I'm gonna tell you, man, what happened for me, and especially once I hit my teen years, I started living my life like I was in a revenge movie.

Trying to get back at everyone, everything, the world, your dad.

Remember the vow I made with my best friend? I made a lot of vows. And I vowed that I was gonna get every person who ever doubted me, whoever insulted me, whoever made me feel slightly uncomfortable, I was going to get you back. Wow. And I was going to show you. Now, let me tell you something. That is a recipe for tremendous success. You understand what I mean? Like, people expect you, oh, no, it's going to fall. No.

And also, a lack of fulfillment, a lack of joy, a lack of peace inside of you.

Now.

Because I was so similar.

You sound like me.

I wanted to prove everyone wrong. and I accomplished all these goals and I was like, but why am I still unfulfilled and angry? Listen, why am I so angry?

You get a lot done. A lot done.

Man, you're obsessed.

Extra energy. You know what I mean? Because I'm like, I would work out. I would work out until I couldn't move. And then I would rest up and then I would go and I would flex my muscles until they cramped. And I would force my muscles into cramps. It was sadistic. It was masochistic. But I said, no one, I want this. Like, I will never stop doing sit-ups. I will never stop. Again, sit-ups and push-ups until my stomach, till I was curled over in tears.

Oh my gosh.

And then I go do more. Because I said, no one's gonna beat me. Wow. You never, ever, ever beat me. Listen, understand this, man. You know what's so crazy? I didn't even like football.

Really?

Didn't like it at all. But it was my way out of Flint. It was also my way to code black. This is what I mean.

To code what?

Code black. Meaning in the black culture, sports coded like hardcore. And It was the way the drug dealers, the gang members, everybody would leave you alone if they knew you were an athlete.

Why is that?

Because they said, this man, he might go somewhere. He might do something. He might be, because you gotta understand, walking to school, here they come. I had to fight my way into school because it was like, who you think you are? Who you, okay, oh, Mr. Smart, you smart now, huh? And you're like, man, Why you talk so white? I was like, all right, so what I did, I remember developing a whole 'nother personality when I was out in the street. Ah, man, what's up, man? Ah, you know, I don't even, you know what I mean? Yeah, boy. Right. And I would mimic that just so I could fit in for a while, right? Yeah. You wouldn't get, you have ideas, you had goals, you had things you wanted, and all of a sudden you knew, If you didn't dumb down.

Wow.

They were like, wait, man, who you think you are? Remember, everything's a competition. Yeah. So you think you're smarter than me? Nah, man. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just, but here I was, this artist drawing, really trying to excel, had ideas, had visions, being a creative person.

You play music too, right?

Yeah, I was a flautist. It's crazy. Listen, I hit that. I was able to do that in church, however. Wow, man. But see, this is another thing about the religion thing, which was nuts, is that, you know, here I was just, you know, I was a pleaser. I became a pleaser. It was like, all right, please my mom, whatever, please the alcoholic dad, whatever you want. Here's another beer, here's whatever. And my mother, what I decided was I was gonna be the best, you know, kid in the church. But then my church was a cult. It was crazy because a lot of it didn't make any sense. And it really hit the fan when my pastor, we found out my pastor was selling drugs and using drugs out of the pulpit. He had several girlfriends in the church. I mean, everything imploded. And everyone thought this guy who was so upstanding, because this thing even with religion is that, You know, everybody starts out with great intentions, you know?

And then power and success and money and people praising you, you gotta learn to really stay humble in the face of success or fame.

Exactly.

How have you managed that?

I mean, well, for a long time, I didn't.

Really?

I'm just being real. You know, there's two Terry Crews and there's two experiences. you know, the competitive Terry Crews was not humble. The competitive Terry Crews would look humble so that you could be lulled into sleep so that I could destroy you.

Wow.

I'm just telling you, man.

When was this up until?

Oh, my God. I mean, we're talking 2010.

Okay. Wow.

You know, and I was an intense dude, man. You understand? I knew. I said, this is how it work.

You were intense or still intense?

Well, I'm still intense. I'm still intense. But I'm a different level in a different way. You know, my thing was, man, I knew how to manipulate. Really?

What was the strategy?

Well, I would look at whatever scene it was and what the rules were. And I knew how to play the game.

Wow.

But it was always to beat people.

To one up, to be number one, to be a little bit better than or...

Always. I mean, it got me to the NFL. Of course. I mean, dude, it goes a long way. Like I said, I didn't even like football, but that way of life, the NFL was like, come here, we like you. Right. You know what I mean? Oh, you gonna be good. You know, they say the phrase I heard before is that, you know, the best soldiers know how to check their morality, like to decide, like keep it away. 'cause you're a good soldier. Don't think about what's right or wrong. Don't really get that out of your psyche.

What's good and bad.

Now, yeah, now you can do whatever we need. And I determined that I was gonna be that dude, like whatever it took. And you gotta understand is that this kind of mindset is very rewarded, of course. It's very, you know, I was tough. I was, you know, in this rage, but also I could turn it on to the point where I could beat people up. Like, I could start, I started to defend myself. You know, I got, from being a little kid to being a big teenager, to being, you know, what they say, he's got a little neck. You know what I mean? Like, when you get some traps and you got, they're like, whoa, okay. Gang members think twice. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're like, all right, all right. Because again, everything's a challenge, right? Yeah. To an exhausting level.

Was there ever a point where you felt like you were strong enough and big enough to beat up your dad?

Well, I did. How old were you? I was 30 years old. Really? I got to understand the context of what happened. My father, you know, I was already, I just started my acting career and I just got a show. It was a TV show called Battledome. I retired from the NFL. And again, I was around 29, 30 years. No, I was 30 years old. So I took my family home for Christmas. And I told my father-- Back to Flint. Back to Flint from LA. And I told my father, Do not act up, man. Because this is the thing about holidays for alcoholics. Oh man, it's the worst, man. I mean, they go right back. It's all the bad memories, and they need to placate, and they need to medicate with-- alcohol. And I said, man, look, my kids have never seen this. My kids never came up in this. And at the time, I had three girls. And I said, dude, do not act up, okay? And he said, no, I ain't gonna do nothing, man. Ain't nothing wrong with you. I don't know what you're talking about. So I take him home, and we all over there, everything's going fine. My wife and I are headed to Detroit to hang out with some friends. So it's about a 45 minute drive. We're about 10 minutes into the drive, and I get this call from my aunt. And she's like, Terry, your father hit your mother.

Oh.

I said, what?

Oh man.

And what happened, he knocked her tooth sideways. Like it was hanging out of her mouth. And I mean, he hit her right in the mouth. Oh man. And then I found out, Louis, he did it in front of my kids.

Oh no.

And they were all privy to this. Something that I valued.

Your trigger went in deep.

I said, take the kids.

Oh my God.

Over to Aunt's house. I said, just leave them there. I dropped my wife off. I drove over to the house and I'm looking at them. I met with them. I'm like, hey dude, did not tell you. And he was like, oh, man, you. And I went, pow. And I mean, let me tell you something, man. I don't know how long the beating happened.

Oh my gosh, I don't know. 'Cause you black out.

I black out.

And when you get to that level of rage, I know that feeling. You don't feel anything, you don't think anything, it's a, man, you know what.

Even, ooh, I'm getting, it's, it's, just thinking about it, it was so like, 'cause all I could remember was being like five years old, wow. and feeling so weak and powerless as he was doing this to my mother. And we just had to take it. I was like, I can't, what can I do? He's a giant. You know what I mean? I can't do anything. And, man, now I'm 30 years old.

You're big, you're strong.

I posted, I fell. I've never had an injury. I'm ready to go.

And you've got 30 years of pent up rage.

30 years.

And resentment.

Be his all over that house.

Wow.

And Louis, let me tell you, man, I felt nothing at the end. I thought this was it. I thought, this is the Revenge I've been waiting for. I told you not to do it. This is it. Now I'm. You're gonna get everything full for all Terry Crews is going to blast you. And when I was done, I remember I beat him from the bottom, all the way, bottom of the house, all the way up to his room, because he was trying to run from me. And he was trying, he ran into his room and I busted the door down, man. It kept beating him, right? He's on the ground in tears, bleeding tears, the whole thing. I'm sitting on his bed. Just look at my hands and I'm like, I'm just like you. Didn't work. It didn't work, man. It was supposed to work.

What were you hoping to feel?

I mean, release. Like, there it is. I said it right. You're supposed to feel justice. You're supposed to feel like this is this. Now the score has been settled. And when I say living life like a revenge movie, I mean it. But you gotta understand, that stuff is better than sex. Right. You look at a movie like that, you're like, man, yes. Get them back.

It feels good.

Yeah. At a time, like yes. And here I was, I was living it. I was like, this is man on fire, live. You know what I'm saying? This is like get back city. This was the payback. And I was like, nothing. Nothing. And I was like, I'm done. And I left. And I never went home for 10 years.

Really?

10 years. And my mom went right back to him. Didn't change any of the home situation. Didn't fix not one thing. And I was, I just remember going through all these issues. all this stuff like, oh my God, I lost it, man. And I couldn't go home. I couldn't even deal with it. And that was the thing that I said, that rage, it was uncontrollable. But I took it out on other people. And I never, even though I didn't beat him up again and didn't go back home, that rage was still inside of you.

It's still inside of you.

And I was doing that to various people in the street. There's a long list of people. who've been knocked out by me. And what's so crazy is that a lot of people go, oh, no, Terry, no. You're funny and you're so nice. My wife would be like, y'all don't even know. Y'all have no idea.

He wasn't so nice back then.

'Cause I could flip.

Of course.

Oh, no. You have to understand, you know, being two people and learning how to manipulate and move, you know, that's why it would shock everybody. Right.

'Cause you could be the lovable, fun, energetic, passionate guy, but if there was a wound that was being triggered, oh my God. the other day came out.

It would be a nuclear bomb.

Yeah, I know this, I mean, I feel like it can understand and relate to this feeling 'cause I had this for so long as well. I think I might have told you this story, but I was 30 years old as well when I realized I had a problem with anger and rage. and I was playing pickup basketball in West Hollywood, the mean streets of West Hollywood. Wow, wow. And, no matter where it's at. Right, right, but this is West Hollywood. It's not like I'm in some bad neighborhood or something. And we're just playing, pick up basketball with a bunch of 20 year olds, right? Some 20, 25 year olds. Everyone's just having fun.

Yeah.

For whatever reason, I would take everything so personally.

Yeah.

For months and I would shove people and I would, if they ever elbowed me, I felt I take it so personally, I would get angry if they tried to talk trash to me. I would have to step to them to the point where I got in a pretty bad fight. Like, I just snapped. And I would never take the, I would never make the first hit. I would always wait for someone to hit me. And someone hit me and I snapped and I exploded. And I, kind of like what you talk about in the book here, you tell a story of you doing this. The old football me just like picked a guy up, body slammed him and just went on in the basketball court.

I know that.

And it's like, I didn't feel anything of, like, pain. It's just like you just rage, right? And I remember afterwards going back to my place, like, kind of shaking at this point, because the police department is right across the street. I'm 30 years old. I just been building my career. I could have gotten injured. I could have gone to jail. Something could have happened where I blew everything. You talk about that moment in your life where you Tackle a guy, you're beating him up with your wife there, playing wife and wife, and the cops come to start to arrest you, and it could have been over one bad decision. I remember looking myself in the mirror after this, shaking with like blood all over my knuckles, looking in the mirror, and I couldn't recognize myself. And I looked at myself in the mirror and I go, who are you? What is wrong with you? And it was terrifying to me to realize what I was still capable of, even though I wasn't playing football, because that was the outlet. That was the legal outlet to destroy someone, right? And not go to jail. And I realized at that point that I had a problem and I needed to work on it. And it's been a nine-year journey of healing ever since with therapy. What has been the thing for you? When was the last straw where you said, I can't react in this way with anger towards fighting, physical fighting someone? I can't react with screaming or other things like that. When did you realize, like, I can't overcome this by suppressing it. I need to heal it.

Well, my wife made me promise, okay?

When was this?

This was right after we, this was around 2008, 2009, and I had beat this guy up on the street.

Is that the story in the book here?

Or, it starts the book.

Yeah, it's crazy story.

Put this guy on a concrete.

Just body slams him.

Boom. Dude, it was too much. Wait, it was way overkill. You know, like, like, you- could just.

Show the guy had walked away.

You see what I mean? No, it was so bad. Because you were talking about Christmas shoppers and people everywhere and broad, it was, I remember the sun was going down, but it was still like the, People walking around, people screaming and running and police coming and them holding their hands on their guns.

Oh, no, man.

And I'm stomping this dude like Nino Brown.

Like, it's- and you're a massive dude.

And she said, now he disrespected her. Right. He disrespected her. Right. And she was like, but Terry.

You can't do that though, yeah.

She's, listen, I got away because there was an older white man in the crowd. he came out, he says, officer, officer, 'cause I was either going to jail or getting shot. And this old white man comes out, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 'Cause he sees the police about to do what they're about to do.

This is pre-social media, this is pre-videos.

This is pre- First of all, I'm gonna say it, this is pre-George Floyd. Yeah. Because there was, I mean, I could have been shot that day. Yeah. that's for real. And this older white man jumped out and said, I've already had guns pointed at me and literally in traffic and whole thing. And it's, I mean, there's never a feeling, and I ain't did anything wrong. That's the craziest part about it. So my wife was like, oh my God, you are not gonna get, anybody, nobody's gonna fight you, nobody's gonna wrestle with you. It's just gonna shoot. Yeah. No cop is gonna even get close. So she pulled me to this, after this all, he's like, oh, I saw the whole thing. They didn't do anything. They were bothering them and the whole thing, and the officers decided to let me go. Were you already cuffed or was he.

Starting to try to cuff you? Oh, no, no. He was starting.

Oh, no. They weren't cuffing. I'm trying to tell you, they had their hands on the guns. Oh, man.

They were pulling the guns out.

So the white guy came in and kind of stopped it all. He saw What was about to happen? Okay, my wife was right there and it was pandemonium 'cause people were like, ah!

Did you ever meet this guy later? This guy?

No, I don't, never, never. I don't know what, again, I blacked out.

Right, right, right.

I don't even know, if he stood in front of me, I wouldn't know what he looked like. Wow. If he caught, he probably met, I probably met him again a few years later, you know what I mean? And don't know. Right. But what was so crazy, is that that night, my wife sat me down, she said, Terry, you gotta promise me, man, you can never, ever, she said, listen, I'll be okay. But we, first of all, you're gonna get sued for one, 'cause you, you know, we just now- Makes some money, you're well off. You're still famous, you know, you reached a level of fame where you're kind of getting up there. It was like right after we did Longest Yard, you know what I mean? So she's like, okay, First of all, you're gonna get sued. But secondly, I know how close those cops came to killing you. And then she said, you, got kids, man. We want you. We want you to live. What am I gonna do if you're dead? What am I gonna do? I said, you, can't do this. Like, you don't get this. I don't know. Somebody else might, but you can't, 'cause you're not gonna get a second shot. Nope. And listen, and the whole time, I'm like, come on, please. I was like, you, know what? No, no, I'm a man, shoot.

Somebody came at me like that.

I got no choice. And she said, well, Terry, I don't know what to tell you. She said, because if you don't get a hold of this, it's over.

Eventually something's gonna happen.

And I said, she said, you, gotta promise. I said, okay, I promise. Right? But you gotta understand my level of rage. Now, this is something, and again, I probably, I'm gonna kill, I wrote it in the book, but it's so horrible. It's a horrible, horrible moment. Share it. I had a dog who would eat its poop. And I hated it. It was just like, oh my God. Like, oh. Every time it would do it, and I see it licking on the kid's face and stuff, and I was just like, Stop, stop. But again, I was mad all the time. Always angry. Dude, it's me. I'm alone, alone with the dog. Dog starts pooping. Turn right around and starts going to town. I'm like, dude, I ran outside and I threw this dog across the lawn.

Oh, man.

When I say, this was a blackout moment. Mm-. The dog flew across the lawn like a Frisbee, right? And Lands breaks its leg.

Oh, no.

To Yelp. I still remember.

Oh, sad.

My kids walk in. On the moment the dog lands, the kids come in from shopping with my wife. And they're like, the dog's name was Coffee. They're like, Coffee! Oh man. His leg is bent back. Listen, man. Again, people are gonna hate me for this story, of course. And you should, because it was vile. It was ridiculous. It was over the top. The dog didn't deserve it. Right. Nothing a dog could do, you know, it was like a child. Yeah. You understand? I mean, it was abusive. It was crazy. And wait, the minute I threw him, I regretted it. Like, ah. Yeah. And I was like, and then all I remember sitting there just going, why, how did I do this? Like, why did I? I was in tears, man. How am I, I can't control myself. Right. You know, like, there's nothing scarier than knowing there's something in you that could push the nuclear button at any time. And wait, and you can't stop it. I mean, I have no control over my own life. Right. So whatever you say could make me do it. Whatever, anything, the dog, made me do it. And I'm going, wait a minute, I can't tell myself no.

Wow.

I have no control over anything. And that hit me. I was going, holy cow. And my wife was just like, Derek, what's wrong with you? And man, I can't count the number of events, theme park gatherings, different stuff we give with the family. And one thing would make me go off and I'd ruin the whole day for everybody. And I thought, here I was thinking, I'm better than my dad, because I didn't do this, I didn't hit my mom. You weren't drinking, you weren't hitting your mom. I wasn't drinking, hey, I'm successful. In fact, I'm famous. In fact, people love me. But inside, it was horrible, man. It was horrible. And I had no control.

So when was the moment then where you were able to look at yourself and realize, I have either conquered this inner rage, beast, whatever you want to call it, and you do have control?

Well, I have to go, now we go flash forward.

Yes.

Okay. My wife and I had been through, you know, first of all, in 2010, it was the end of our marriage. We had been married 20 years. Wow. and this whole time, I had had an addiction to pornography, and I had never told her. And 10 years earlier, I had basically cheated on her at a massage parlor. But I vowed I'd never tell anybody. I vowed. I said, man, I'm taking this to my grave. It's not happening. But see, you gotta understand another thing too, is there's this competition, but also this guilt. that I was always carrying, creating, creating that. Because of that. Creates rage.

Yeah, of course. And shame.

Shame. I used to get into arguments. So she asked me questions like, have you ever, do you watch porn? Hey, no, don't even bring that up. What are you talking about? You know what? No, listen, I don't know who you think you are. And start an argument so she'd be like, I'm out. Just so she wouldn't bring up more. Because I knew what I was doing. Right. And I knew that I wasn't living right. I mean, the one thing is it's almost like, you know, you say one lie, and it turns into two, turns into 10.

And it eats you inside of you, too.

You're talking about 10 years now. I vowed I would never tell anybody. And my wife was always like, she would just bring up stuff like, what is it? What are you doing, man? I don't know. You ever cheat on me? Stuff like that. And I'm like, nah, I don't know what you're talking about, you know? And angry, angry. And what you would do, and one thing that I would do is project.

Of course.

So I was like, why are you saying that? Are you thinking about cheating? You know, in turn, and again, this manipulative game that you could play with the people you love, people who love you, or you claim to love, just so you can keep your thing together. You know what I mean? And let me, this is the thing, Louis, is that I realized that the image of Terry Crews was more important than who Terry Crews was. Dang. And I had to worship that image. Cool. And it ran everything.

Because what would happen if who Terry Crews was really came out instead of the image, what would happen then?

Well, My mindset, I had a play. I was like, I'd lose everything. First of all, my wife would leave. People who knew me would be ashamed. People who knew me would be, they would run away. Everybody would be done. All of it would be finished. Every bit of who I, you know, if people found out who I really, really was or what I was really, really thinking and contemplating, how I had done, then it would be the end of me.

Wow.

So I decided, and we're gonna put this image up, and we're gonna prop it up. And it's like having an image on these really weak posts, you know what I mean? It would get bumped, and it's like waves swaying, and you're doing everything you can to hold, I gotta put another beam up on there just to hold it up, because it's getting rickety, and the longer it goes, The more wicked it gets. And it all fell, 2010. And my wife was like, I'm out. I'm done. And because what happened was she finally asked me, because we had just been getting farther and farther apart over the years. And she said, what is it I don't know about you, Terry Crews? And I told her. I told her about what happened 10 years earlier. Now in my head, I'm like, Hey, that was 10 years ago. But for her, it was today. And she was like, I'm out. Wow. Don't come home. And what I realized is that she had married an image. And what she realized is that she didn't know me. She was like, who are you? And I let her stay in that. And one thing about men is that what we're looking for is intimacy. Like literally someone who knows us inside and out and loves us anyway. But if you never reveal who you really are, you can never, ever have intimacy.

Amen to that.

You understand what I mean? Yeah. You can't. It's impossible because you have to know who you are.

Absolutely. You have to share who you are.

But the game is not to share who you are. So you can have sex all day. Lots of sex, because that's still part of the image. But it doesn't have anything to do with intimacy. Anything to do with someone. This is why you always love your mom. Because your mom knows who you are. Am I right?

Everything.

Everything. You know what I mean? She cleaned your nose, she wiped your butt. She knows when you lie, she knows the bad to you, she knows the good to you. Yeah. And she loves you anyway. That's why mom, mom is queen of the world. But you didn't tell everything to this chick. No. To this lady.

Hell yeah.

To your wife. Mm-. I'm like, oh my God. And Duke, years of therapy, I finally went in, to deal with these issues, man. Now, the thing about in my culture, where I grew up, no one does therapy. The mind was, you can't cure crazy. That was the phrase. That was, hey, you can't cure crazy. And then you're talking about in religious circles, they were like, oh, you gonna get them demons. The demons are gonna come if you go to that psychology. They gonna mess with your brain and make you crazy. So my father, there was one time my father went to a psychologist to get, help for his alcoholism. And a week later, the psychologist jumped off a bridge. And I was like, what?

Wow. Huh?

Oh man. He jumped off a bridge, man. And I said, okay, that don't work. That's not gonna work. So, no. And I thought these guys are gonna make me crazy. So that was the thing. Like, when that broke for me, when my wife left, I was at My wits in, like I said, man, I gotta try this therapy stuff, you know, 'cause I'd heard enough about it over the years.

What was the greatest lessons therapy has taught you though?

Man, assembly required, okay? When I say this, we all think we as men or people are as good as we are. We just take me as I am. We make songs about it. Take me just as I am. No, no, no, no, no. But the problem is, It's like, it's not anybody else's job to assemble you. You are like Legos, okay? Legos come in a box. You shake the box, it's just pieces. And in a very competitive world, people tell you, you,'re broke. Hey man, look at your box. You broke it. But what I learned is that you're not broken. You're just not finished. you. It's up to you to assemble yourself. You have to work on you. You have to take off parts that are bad or broke or that don't fit because nothing's broken. It's just things don't fit. And you pull it off and you put it back together the right way. It's like when you go. But you got to go deep and you got to go down with computers. It's a bit. With property or the minerals, it's atoms. And with human beings, it's genes. I mean, it's down into the core. You get one little gene and you can rebuild yourself. That's what I got from therapy. I was like, holy cow, you can take the bat out. It's not automatic. You know, a lot of people have said, it's either nature versus nurture. But nurture always works. No matter what your nature started out as. You understand what I mean? Like, nurture is, you're in the wood, nature is you're going to be born naked in the woods. But nurture is you learn to make a coat and put it on. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You can build a house. You can build a building. Yeah. You can build a whole society. That's what nurture does. I said, wait a minute, you don't have to stay naked in the woods. But my mentality was what? I had to stay naked in the woods. That's where I was born. So that's it.

Was there a moment in therapy where you, whether it was 12 years ago or more recently, where you had an aha moment or something you felt shift inside of you? There's, I've been doing therapy for the last year, almost every two weeks for the last year, and I've done it at different stages over the last 10 years, but not consistently until the last year. and there was one moment for me where something shifted. I had an aha moment and like the pain in my chest went away and it hasn't come back since. And I finally felt like I was assembling myself and rebuilding myself up to a place where I could feel that peace, where I don't have to. There's always something inside of me that knows like I could turn a switch at any moment if I wanted to into that type of personality and that rageful energy, but I also don't want that to ever come out. And so I keep myself on a level of peace. Was there anything like that during therapy that you're like, oh, it actually, not in my thoughts, I can think it, but I feel something different about the rage.

Man, you know what hit me out of everything, one of the most powerful, powerful moments was my realization of what shame really was. Now, you gotta understand, growing up, shame was used as a tool. Everybody used it. From the church to sports to, you should be ashamed to let that guy beat you on the outside. How could you let that happen? Or in church, like, oh, you should be so ashamed to even think those thoughts. How could you think that? And you're like, I don't know. And shame was a motivator, okay? It goes right along with the revenge movie. It starts with shame. It's a shame, shame, shame. And shame tells you you are bad, okay? In your default resting state, you're a bad person. So, you have to do all these things to be good, which means it's only in your efforts You only get good things by working for it. Because just in your resting state, you're bad. So let's create this person that covers all this shame up. So you create an image. And you build that image and you worship it. But the bad you is still back here lurking and ready and, ooh, it's just, ooh. And that's, listen, even in church, people were like, man, You know, you could feel it like, oh, don't be thinking about that, or, oh, you're just going to snap. You know, it's like, let's just get our minds on the Lord, you know? And shame was used that way. But in therapy, it blew my mind. It said, hey, man, guilt is good. Shame is no good. And I went, they said, guilt says you did something wrong. and you have to correct it.

Yeah, take accountability and yeah.

But shame just says you're just wrong.

You are wrong as a human.

You just, that's you. And I said, wait a minute, I'm good. Mm. I'm good in my resting state. And one thing that got me in therapy that hit me, man, oh, I love this. I put in the book, there's a picture of me at about six years old. No teeth, no two front teeth. And I'm sitting here, and it's just the cutest little picture. Like, look at this kid. And I had to ask myself, I said, Is that kid bad? Is that kid bad?

Wow.

I said, no. I said, But I'm that kid. I'm still that kid, Lewis. I'm still him. There's no point, at no point, In time did I change from being that kid. Right. Understand, you're still that kid. And wait, that's like calling a baby evil.

Bad and wrong, yeah.

How are babies evil? How is that? You can't. And I said, holy, I got this all wrong. That was the moment, like in therapy I was like.

Look at this. I'll show you this.

Oh, talk to me.

Look at this.

Yes, yes. That's you. And you leave it right there. Listen, I keep it, I keep that same kind of picture that, I put it in a book so you, everybody could see it, but I keep it on my desktop. Wow. On my computer. And I'm like, and you know what? I talk to it, man. Dude, I love this.

I love you, 'cause I've been talking about this with my audience about how, I've had this for a year now on my phone. I keep meaning to change it recently because I feel like I've finally healed that hurt five, six, seven year old child that was inside of me. I've been doing the work on healing that and it's been so much more powerful because it's not coming from a place of hurt and reaction from that early childhood moments. It's from a healed place and rebuilding that foundation. And it sounds like that's what you've been doing. Dude, how long you been doing that?

Oh my God, years. I never stopped. I talk to him all the time. First of all, when you look at a six-year-old, no, let's go even earlier, three, two. When they fall down, do you go, oh man, you should know how to walk by now. You should know how to do all this stuff by now. No, no. But you don't do that to yourself. As an adult, you don't give yourself another goal. You don't say, I was merciless to myself, man. Because I was bad. How could you do that, man? Get yourself together. Cuss yourself out. I used to cuss myself out. But then what happened is I would cuss everybody else out. Right, right. Because everybody else, they're held by your same standard. Again, projection.

Of course.

And you would never give yourself forgiveness and relax and Hey, man, you tried. It's okay.

No!

Dude, talking to that little boy, and I remember just going, Dude, that's you. And you gotta talk to yourself like that.

With love, with care.

You are good. Yeah. You're not bad. But you gotta understand, in a very competitive world, people use that.

Oh, of course.

What happens is people can tell you that you are. And that's the world I was in. The world I was in, the drug dealer was like, hey man, you ain't nothing but a nigger. Or go to church and they say, you,'re a sinner. You ain't nothing. Right. And you just, you don't feel nothing, you don't have nothing. This is stuff I was told when I was little, I was bad. 'Cause I don't feel nothing. Right. So now I can't have it. You understand, man. I grew up where the rapture was dangled in front of us at any moment, where if you did anything wrong and the rapture was gonna come and the rapture was Jesus was gonna come and take all the saints up into the sky and if you weren't right, you would be getting left behind. And the whole thing was you would be left to be, you know, tortured by the devil. That was the whole, and this is stuff, you know, as a four-year-old they would teach. And I was like, oh my God, like, but it was used to control us. Right. You want to be good, 'cause Jesus gonna come back, and he ain't gonna take you. And I was like, oh no, why wouldn't he take me? You got, man, you talking about a life of horror. I spent most of my years, young years, scared. Yeah. because it was one of those things where the devil had more power than God did. Because it was like, hey, devil made me do it. And the devil could do all kinds of things. I was like, well, where is God gonna step in? You know what I mean? That was my mindset. Like, hey, you know, wow, they got powerful, right? Oh, but the devil, man, you gotta, he gonna get you. And you're like, oh, man, like, or Jesus was people's hitman, you know what I mean? Like, oh, he gonna knock you out. But I was just, and man, you gotta understand that framework created so much shame. Because I was like, everything I did, I was like, oh no, I'm bad, I'm going, oh, and I would pray and try to get back and other things, but you keep an impossible standard.

It's so hard, man.

You can't keep up.

Nah, man.

And there's a lot of people who understand this. Yeah, for sure. You know what I mean? Who've been, yeah. Manipulated by these kind of places and this kind of stuff. And it's one of those things where I, going to therapy though, I was like, oh my God, that has nothing to do with me. Right.

Are you still go to therapy? Yeah.

Yeah, really.

I feel like the consistency of it is so powerful for me.

Oh yeah, I have to. I wake up in the morning and this is the good thing is I get it in books and and I still go occasionally to a person, but sometimes it's just constantly, constantly examining each thought, examining, is that me? Because this is another thing I even talk about in the book, is that a lot of your thoughts are not yours. You know, it's like an auxiliary cord and people plug in to your stuff. You pick up things and you're like, why am I thinking that?

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? But that's not you. But if think every thought is yours and your thoughts determine your feelings and your emotions determine your actions. And so if someone can get into your thoughts, they can change the way you feel. I just look at the state of America right now and it seems to be almost in a state of a panic attack. You know, look at January 6th and you just go, man, something that is not real. But the thoughts turned into emotions that turned into actions that turned into mania. And it can really, really affect you to a point where people are standing around like, how did we do this?

How did we get here?

How did we get here? That's where I was. And I'm not saying that to condemn anybody. I'm saying that because that was me. And I'm like standing there like holding something crazy, like what? How did I get here? You know what I mean? And the moment though in therapy when I got that, And then there was a moment, 10 years post, where I'd been into therapy big, big time.

A couple of years ago.

Yes, literally, literally. And actually 2017. And I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor. Now, he was the head of the Motion Picture Department, William Morris Endeavor, 2017. I'm at a party. I'm the only black guy there, and me and my half black wife, and everyone else is very Hollywood and superstars and rich white people, okay? And there I am, and I'm sitting there, and this guy comes down, I remember he came down from this area, and he's just looking at me with his tongue out, and he's like, what is happening? Okay? I'm looking around like he ain't talking to me, you know, he can't be talking to me or looking at me like that. But he was. And he came over through, and I'm telling you it's packed, like it's a packed place. And he squeezes through the crowd and I reckon, and people are like, oh yeah, that's him. Because I had never met him. I had heard about him. His name was Adam Bennett. And he's at my agency. And he represented, listen, he was Eddie Murphy's agent, Adam Sandler's agent. Stallones, all these people that I had worked with previously. So I'm going, okay, this is some guy I'm supposed to meet. So he comes over and I stick my hand out, like, hey man, nice to meet you. He grabs my nuts, it's like, and I'm like, what? Don't touch me, man. I push the guy off. He jumps back and he starts licking his tongue out, like, ah. and listen, people everywhere. Listen, there are other witnesses.

Right, right.

Okay. I mean, I tell the story, but there are a lot of people who saw it. And my wife is one. She was right there next to me. He comes back at me, grabs me again, I push him back. Now I'm like, oh, I'm gonna kill you. Now you gave me the license. And I was gonna punch a hole through his head.

Gosh.

But all of a sudden, it hit me. I was like, I don't have to do that. I looked at my wife, and she looked at me, and I remembered our promise, but I also remembered my therapy. I remembered, wow, man, you, this is responsibility. You have an ability to respond differently. You have that now. Because remember, you were out of control before. Anything could make you go off. And I went, I just stood there, and I grabbed my wife's hand. I said, let's go. Let's go. Now mind you, I got in the car, and I felt like driving the car back through the club, like terminate. It was gonna, you know, I was, I said, Man, let me go get my gun. This is one thing in the hood, that was the thing everybody does in basketball court. They run out and they go, I'll be right back. And everybody knows, oh, he's coming back with bullets, right? That was my mind in them, even in the moment, like, no, I can't let him go. I can't. But this is the thing, Louis, I discovered that you can either have success or revenge. But you can't have both. Yeah. You can't. You can't.

Man.

Success is letting it go. Success is moving. And I got in the car, I was, finally, again, I blacked out, but in a good way, 'cause I ended up in my driveway. My whole time, my wife was like, I'm so proud of you.

Wow.

I'm proud of you. That's big. I'm proud of you. It's big.

What's the thing you're most proud of? in the last couple of years that you either did or didn't do or evolved into?

You know, I would say my wife and I celebrating our 30th anniversary. And she looked at me and we had a huge party, all these people. It was wonderful. It was before the pandemic. And she was like, I love you. You did the work, man. She said, you, did the work. Hey, man, there's nothing. You gotta understand. People can say, I could say I hurt people. But when you hurt the one you love the most, and she's still here, like, you gotta understand, I would come home, and she'd be in tears, just sitting. somewhere and crying, and I knew I did it. There was nothing I could really do to come over and she said, no, it's okay. And I had to live in it. And see, this is another thing, because, you know, the temptation is to run. It's too painful. So you just go, man, I'll be better off somewhere else. But it's another thing, and the way I like to call it is, you know, The world has this my bad mentality. Like, my bad, you know, like you can't hit somebody with your car and then drive off and go, my bad, sorry about that. No, what you have to do is you have to stop. You have to wait by the person you hit. And the police are coming, the ambulance is coming, and you have to hold your hand, and you have to get them into the ambulance, you have to get them to the hospital, you have to pay for their Whatever they lost, you have to pay. You have to make amends. It's not enough to just say, oh, I'm sorry, my bad. Yeah. And I did that, and she said, you did the work, man.

Wow.

I'm fixed. I love you.

That's beautiful, man. That's gotta feel-- that's the thing.

Again, it was hard, but it was worth it. It was worth it.

30 years, man. That's a, that's a big one.

We are 33 now.

33, man.

33 this year.

On a scale of one to 10, currently right now, a self-love scale, let's call it, hypothetical scale. 10 being you have so much inner peace, you love and accept yourself for where you are, you're also a work in progress, but you love and accept yourself, you don't have shame, on a consistent daily basis, that would be a 10. One being you hate yourself and you don't love yourself at all. Where do you see yourself on this self-love scale?

I would say seven.

Seven.

I ain't go all the way there, you know, it's easy to fall back, you know.

What would it take to get it to a eight, nine, or 10?

Oh man, that's Shaman level. You know, 'cause it's stuff still irritate. Look, I don't know if I'll ever hit 10. Yeah, I really do. I'll be honest. I don't know.

Yeah.

Because you go, whoa, what did I. Why was I. Oh, okay. I gotta chill. You know, even now, again, it's a much smaller battle. Yes. Because you realize, okay, but, you know, I have to make declarations, and this is one reason why. And this is why I'm so transparent, because it keeps me. out of seven because you told everybody. You understand? I mean, like, hey man, oh, you missed the piece in love, huh? You know what I mean? Like, all right. And somebody's gonna bust you. Somebody, the universe, the universe, whatever. The universe, the universe, the universe. And they see that scab and they're gonna flick it and you're like, ah, what? You know? My body is gonna do that. Of course. And you realize, but that's the position that I want to be in, 'cause it's always self-corrective. You know what I mean? And like I said, my goal is to get to 10, I'll tell you that right now. But I've never dipped below five.

That's good, man.

You know what I'm saying?

That's great.

That's where we at.

You mentioned how for so long your life was about competition. Competition growing up, competition in NFL, competition in the industry afterwards. When did it or has it yet shifted from competition to something else? Because you're so successful. It just feels like everything you do turns into magic, right? You're on TV shows for eight seasons, you're on movies and the host of AGT and multiple AGTs now. It's like everything you do is successful. At least that's what it looks like. Is it still this competitive nature that you have, or is there a different approach after so long being in the industry?

Okay. I over this time, over time, have discovered that competition. Now, this is. And what's crazy is people said, this is great. You. This can't be true, but. I discovered, for me, competition is the opposite of creativity. And what I decided to do was get creative. And you have to understand, competition is about you versus another human being. But creativity is always collaborative.

Gosh, man, I'm so happy you're saying this.

Always.

I'm so happy you're saying this.

You can't be creative without being collaborative. Just try it. Who's gonna be creative alone? The essence of what being creative is, is you're taking one thing and mixing it with another and creating a brand new thing. Where are you gonna get that other? That's the only thing that's creative. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I mean, on a crazy level, I remember when they had Taco Bell was selling these Taco pizzas. You know what I mean? And you're like, How did you do that? Well, they went to Pizza Hut and copied what they did and brought it to Taco Bell and made something brand new. Listen, creativity works that way. Like it's a whole thing where you need everybody else. And it's another thing that blew my mind. I discovered that in fact, you need the success of other people for you to be successful.

So true, man.

Listen, I had to, Listen, I spent hours like really writing this down, zoning this down, and how this worked. And I was like, man, you go to Fifth Avenue. If one store won, let's say Louis Vuitton, 1 Fifth Avenue, and every store was Louis Vuitton, would anybody go? No. You need Dior, you need all these places so that everybody has a choice. Imagine if it was just one restaurant. And everybody had to go to the same restaurant. It's done. No, you need different restaurants so that your restaurant can be successful.

Absolutely.

I learned don't try to be the best, be the only.

Ooh, snap.

That's it. And I realized, holy.

When did you realize this though? Dude, when was this?

It was during the therapy. It was in the assembly, 'cause I was going, why isn't this not working? Man, my internal success was so far below my external success. And I had to try to rectify it. And so that was, that took a lot of building. But I was like, why am I jealous of other actors? Why am I, I'd see something I went for and the billboards are up and I was auditioning for that and I'm like, he ain't that good. And it would make me sick. And I said, now I had to examine why am I sick? Why am I feeling negative toward this person? He didn't do anything to me. I don't know anything about him. Why am I feeling negative toward him? Just because they picked him instead of me. In fact, I said, then I started changing myself. I said, you know what? I said, I wish nothing but good for that person. Ooh, I see. And wait, I didn't feel it. You understand what I mean? Like, this is where you have to act your way into a feeling because I wasn't feeling it. I said, no. I said, he deserved that. And I'm gonna go see it. I would go pay, I would buy tickets to movies just so I could get over these feelings of jealousy and envy and competition. And I would enjoy them. And I would go, he was amazing. I got a perfect example. I'm gonna bring it up 'cause he's one of my good friends right now, Dave Batista. Dave Batista is probably one of the best people in the industry.

He seems like a nice guy.

Listen. He seems like a- I love this dude.

He's jacked, man.

He's freaking- I love this man like he's my brother.

Oh, he seems- I don't know what to say.

It's so wild. Every time we talk, we're like, it's like, man, you're just my kindred, you're my homie. But he may not know this, but I know. I auditioned for his part in Guardians of the Galaxy. Really? Didn't get it. And I remember when he got it. And I remember I was like, oh, okay. Universe is testing me. I'm gonna say this, 'cause again, My thing is, I gotta be transparent because this is real. And I was like, oh man, oh man. And then I saw the movie. And I said, I didn't have no business in that movie. I said, that's his.

He was great for that part. He was perfect.

Wait, and he's great in everything. Wait, he's past that. He's doing so many other things. But I said, here I am. And wait, and if I had let that really affect me, It would have affected a friendship.

Wow.

That now we talk to each other, we call each other, we text each other. And I said, man, but that feeling could have really damaged something that was really pure and real. And I said, man, this is collaborative. It's not competition. It's not no competition. And he is one of my best friends in this business.

Mm, that's cool, man.

You understand what I'm saying? And I'm telling you, I'm sure he wouldn't mind it. 'cause I think he's just a superstar dude.

Now you guys gotta, I wanna see in the next three years, you guys.

Doing a TV show or a movie together?

Yeah, yeah, I tell you something's gonna happen. 'Cause I love him, man.

You're like, yeah, you're cops together or you're something and we need actual movies. We need movies of each other. But again, and look, I know the things that I have, I'm the only one for. Absolutely. You understand what I mean? So, and then that's, one other thing is, you get tricked into thinking everything's limited. There's more out there than ever. Abundance.

Abundance is everywhere.

Just in the last five years for.

Actors, there's 100 times more opportunities than it was 10 years ago with all the streaming and everyone's buying content and creating its digital.

It's like being in Whole Foods fighting over one apple. And everybody's fighting over this one apple. And you'd be like, hey dude, it's like a pile of apples right here. Y'all know that, right? it's that ridiculous. But once you get in the competitive game, it's it blind. It really all reasoning and logic go out the window. I know it does.

What's the next level of growth for you? Because there's so many things you've overcome in the last three decades, really, in your inter, your relationship with your wife, with your kids, with yourself in your industry. What's the next level? What's the next limiting belief for you to elevate? beyond?

I it's wild because it just keeps getting more and more internal. You know what I mean? I'll be honest. Like the big thing, I mean, growing up, I cared what everyone thought. I mean, I especially when you're in that world like that, everyone's opinion mattered way too much, you know? And so where I'm really progressing to is this thing where I find my tribe, you know, not impressing people that I would probably never really hang with anyway. You know what I mean? That used to be my life. Like trying to impress a whole bunch of people that I would never really call friends in the first place. And so now it just really became about finding the people that I connect with. And, you know, what's wild is I got in a lot of trouble even over the pandemic when I made it a declaration that I decided to unite with good people. No matter the race, the creed, the color, the ideology, that I was going to unite with good people. And people got mad over that because a lot of people want to fight. But I said at the end, I said, I'm gonna die on this hill. I choose to die on this hill. And it's hard though. And let me say, everything I'm talking about today is tough. It's a level of toughness. The big thing about being tough is people thought you'd be able to throw punches, but it's really about endurance. It's really about being able to take them, being able to be alone. Being able to stand alone in who you are, knowing that you're good, because a lot of people calling you all kind of things, especially since I'm in the public eye. And just go, that means nothing.

And how do you learn to not care or ruminate on the opinions of others now?

Well, because you have to examine every, this is what I think.

When you've been so conditioned to people please.

Right.

For years. How did you.

It takes time. Yeah, it's not overnight. And I would never encourage anybody to just go test it out. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's something that takes years and years. But you gotta. You gotta start exercising it. Just ask yourself why you're so offended. Listen, I remember in my neighborhood and where I came up, if anybody called you. The rule is you knock them out. That's the rule. Like, no question, no nothing. You can go on Instagram, TikTok, you can watch people get knocked out for calling somebody a nigger. But one thing I realized, and when I started to examine that rule, I was like, There are no niggers. It's no such thing. So why am I getting offended over something? You calling me something that I'm not? And see, that's a whole different framework.

It's an elevation right there.

You understand what I mean? I was like, you might as well call me a leprechaun. I mean, be honest, 'cause there are, there's no such thing. So, but the problem is, it's in me, if I believed I was one and you hit me, those are the things that hurt men the most. This is why what a woman says about a man will hurt them deeper than a punch in the face. I'd rather you punch me in the face. But if a woman says, you ain't no good, and a guy will be like, what? Because that's his insecurity. You tricked his trick.

Oh, trick man.

You know what I mean? And I realized, wait a minute, I'm doing the best I can. And you know what? And now I count those things to ignorance. Yeah. I don't have to take them personally. Remember how you mentioned taking things personally?

Yes.

Hey man, you can go a long way doing that. But I learned, this is not about me. It's bigger than me. And it changed everything.

Oh man, and if people want to learn all these skills and strategies that you've learned, you've got it in your book, Tough. My Journey to True Power. It's not about reacting in tough ways, but the endurance of emotional toughness, mental toughness. to rise above it. So I want everyone to go get a few copies of this, give it to your friends. This will be very inspiring. The stories you tell are raw. The lessons you share are powerful. So make sure you guys get a few copies. This is a question I asked everyone at the end. I asked you this before, but I'm not gonna share what you shared last time. It's called Three Truths. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. It's your last day on earth, many years away from now, and you get to accomplish everything you want to accomplish. live the life you want to live. And you get to live as old as you want to live, but eventually you gotta turn the lights off and leave this world. And for whatever reason, everything you've created has to go away, right? The message you've shared, this podcast, the books, movies, no one has access to your message anymore. Hypothetical. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. And this is all we would have to remember your Legacy for.

The first one is you can't love someone and control them at the same time. That's the first one.

That is powerful.

The second one, I would say, and I'm gonna say this, intelligent decision making sometimes requires that you forget what you've lost and reevaluate the situation as it exists. today. Now that may seem long, but what it is is you literally have to every day reevaluate everything you think you like. To be intelligent, you have to forget what pained you. Forget that you have to actually let go of all that grief and all that get back and all that revenge. and reevaluate the situation. Then you can make a real, true, intelligent decision. And the third thing is assembly required. Straight up, you've got to assemble yourself, yourself, not leave it to somebody else to do it. It's your job.

Yeah, those are powerful. I wanna acknowledge you, Terry, for constantly evolving as an incredible man in this world. for it takes a, I mean, I can only imagine the amount of weight and pressure that you've had to carry for so long with these feelings and anger and rage while having a public persona and kind of having two different personalities, I guess, like you said, or two different images. And for you to want to dive in and do the work and, and unlearn and rebuild and assemble a healthy whole human being as opposed to a tough from the old sense of what toughness was and elevate to a new toughness. I'm really inspired by man and I'm just, I'm grateful for your example in the world. You know, I'm grateful for our friendship even though I haven't seen in a couple of years, but hopefully I'll see you more in the future. And it's really inspiring. Again, I want people to get the book, Tough. The final question is, what's your definition of greatness?

Wow. A servant to all. The person who serves the most is the greatest among everybody. I mean, my goal is to serve, serve, serve. I serve my family. It's my job for me to make sure my wife gets what she wants. My kids get what they want, not what I want for them. But what do you want? Let me help you. and that's my friends, my people. If I can help you in any way, get what you want, it makes you great. It's amazing. Mmm. Terry, my man. Appreciate you, brother.

Thanks, man. Appreciate you, brother. Thank you.

Thank you so much for listening.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. and also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple podcast as well. I really love hearing feedback from you guys, so share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most. And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.