The Key Steps To Overcome Criticism, Heal Your Pain & Grow A Successful Business w/ Kristin Cavallari EP 1286

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Apply i had three really small children i was filming very cavallari which was a reality show on e i was working on a cookbook i was hosting a lot for e my marriage yeah and my marriage was falling apart that was the most stressful time in my life and how did you navigate that.

I just welcome to the school of.

Greatness my name is lewis howes former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness thanks for spending some time with me today now let the class begin.

Welcome back everyone to school of greatness very excited about our guest kristin cavallari in the house i'm so excited that you're here you've had an interesting life and career a lot of people watched you as kind of like this villain on tv when you were a teenager whether that was actual real or if that was half produced or who knows and then people have really come to love you in a different way and see you as a mom and as a you know an adult grow in your life and also become this powerhouse you know female entrepreneur but recently you've gone through different transitions and changes and i'm curious what's been the biggest transition internally that you've.

Had to face i have gotten to a place where now where i'm at in my life i just want to be present you know i'm here to experience everything life has to offer and i feel like before in my life if i was hurt or sad or whatever i wanted to ignore it push it aside where now i feel like if you can lean into that there's actually a lot of growth that can happen i think everything we go through there's a learning lesson to be had and so i'm just trying to sit in everything rather than get from point a to point b my whole life i've always wanted to be older so when i was twelve i wanted to be sixteen when i was sixteen i wanted to be eighteen and so on and so forth and now i'm thirty five i have three kids that are growing up right before my eyes and i want everything to slow down and what i've also realized going through a divorce and everything that i've gone through is that at the end of the day everything works out so even in our most challenging times when we think the world's falling apart we're always going to be this sad everything is going to always be horrible we get through it and we make it out on the other side and then we look back and we realize why everything happened as we get older life starts to make sense to me life has been building blocks and everything we go through is to get us ready for whatever we're going to experience later on in life and so in that sense life is really exciting to me now and i'm just i'm ready for everything that's.

Coming my way and what would you say was the biggest challenge since the world got to know about you when you were sixteen seventeen yeah on a big show mtv is originally so you're on a big show when you're in high school which no one even knows who they are in high school right you're just trying to figure out how to manage like your little friend circle let alone manage the world's opinions of you right be on the show what would you say was the biggest challenge since sixteen to now that you've had to face was it being on tv at a young age was it having your own reality show later was it being in the public eye and being married was it launching a business that had challenges and ups and downs what's been the biggest challenge you faced the.

Thing that's probably been the toughest for me overall has been people judging my life based on what they think is accurate when it's really not i mean i don't care who you are there's no way the press the media instagram anything can capture who you are there's just no way we have so many sides to our personality and especially nowadays with media and press everything is about clickbait and it's shocking to me how they can take one little thing and turn it into this whole story and even though i've been doing this for eighteen years or whatever it still gets you sometimes it still gets to me because i have an issue with people judging me on things that aren't true or they're or speaking as though they know what they're talking about when they have no idea what they're talking about and i think probably for me i've never been someone to shy away from a challenge i actually love a challenge or someone telling me no it makes me want to push harder so all of those things launching my own business that's all been easy in a sense because i love all of that but it's when i have no control over something like the press or people's opinions that that will then irk me so.

I think a lot of people want to have a bigger following they want to be more influential they want to have an audience a lot of people who are on social media are looking to grow it no one's saying i.

Wish i had less followers unless they're.

Private maybe right right but let's say a lot of people have this desire to grow to have a bigger audience or they have a business they know they need to build an audience around that and with a growing audience comes criticism and you had criticism at a young age and i think people don't understand how challenging it can be to manage the unfair opinions of other people or the made up stories about your character that aren't true and managing that so how do you manage the criticism that maybe it is justified or it's not right how do you just manage all of it so that it doesn't hold you back from believing in yourself from your confidence on a day to day with yourself with your kids with your life with your business how do you continue to believe in yourself with.

Others critiquing you because i started dealing with it at seventeen eighteen i think really quickly what i realized was no matter what you do you can't please everybody and that was a great lesson for me because if i can't win in that regard then i'm going to live my life for me and i'm going to do what makes me happy because no matter what i'm going to piss somebody off so that was a good lesson to learn at an early.

Age when did you actually start living that way though because i mean i.

Probably in my early twenties i would say because i was getting judged quite a bit my life at that point in time i was on the COVID of all of the tabloids i had paparazzi on me every day that was a very different me than sits in front of you today that's like a whole other lifetime ago for me and then i remember that was before social media but i would go on the chat rooms and i would read what people were saying in the chat rooms and that crushed me those first few times when i was still living at home in high school reading what people were saying about me and so now fast forward to now i don't know i typically don't read my comments on social media i try not to read the comments at all and that i've found a lot of peace in because again another thing i've learned is people's opinions of me actually don't really have anything to do with me and that's just anybody in general for example i'm pretty comfortable in my own skin i'd say i have a good sense of who i am i'm pretty confident what you're doing with your life it doesn't affect me so i don't care what you're doing i'm not sitting here trying to tear people down because i'm happy in my life so what i've realized is that people who are constantly trying to tear people down or judging them that speaks highly of them and not so much about me yes and i will say the one good thing about social media and being in the press now that i have kids i'm able to have that conversation with my kids i'm looking at this stuff as an opportunity to have it's a teaching moment yeah exactly where if i wasn't you know in the press i would never be having these conversations with my kids until they were probably older on social media dealing with some of that stuff where now i'm like laying little nuggets in their head you know i'm just like getting the foundation having real conversations with them about people in general you know the only time people tear you down is when they're insecure and dealing with their own issues those kinds of conversations so i'm trying to just look at the positive in all of it and i do think that is a.

Very good thing if you could go back twenty years ago right before you were not the dating not to say your age but if you're trying to.

Age me i'm thirty five you're always.

Trying to get older i'm finally trying to slow down but if you can go back twenty years ago right before you were going to be on one of the biggest shows at the time and you could give yourself three pieces of advice on how to manage your emotions how to manage friends family how to manage fame or any tools that you wish you could learn before that what three things would you say to yourself to learn or manage i love.

That question to talk about it more talk about what what i was feeling and thinking talking about your feelings yeah talk about your feelings i was not good at that until honestly probably the last few years really yeah and i was always terrified of being vulnerable why because to me i thought it was weakness and now i realize it's strength but it's scared the shit out of me quite honestly and so that's number one number two is just to take it all in and just live in the moment a little bit more kind of goes again with what i was saying earlier but everything just now that i'm a little bit older you don't realize that you're living the best years of your life when you're in them or some of the best years of your life and just to enjoy it a little bit more just to take it all in and then the third is well so i'm actually doing a laguna beach rewatch podcast right now and i've gone back and watched it and some of the stuff that came out of my mouth is just like so i probably would say reel it in a little bit more it's interesting because on the show everyone looked at me as the confident girl and people couldn't believe i was so confident for my age when i watch it back now i don't see someone who's confident at all i actually see someone who's extremely insecure so it's kind of funny that that's what people saw because i was the one always trying to tear other people down or talking or whatever it was and that's an insecurity that's not.

Being confident that's the people critiquing you.

Now yeah so it's interesting so i think it i just would have probably given myself a little bit more self love back then wow yeah that was.

A mess when did you learn how.

To love yourself fully i didn't learn how to love myself fully until probably the last like three years or so.

What was the moment that allowed you to start that process when you have.

Kids or at least when i had kids realizing that everything i do is going to make an impact on them and i wanted them to see i wanted them to see that i'm making good decisions for myself and also for them and putting myself first became a priority for them i mean my kids have inspired me to be the best version of myself really yeah you don't.

Feel guilty putting yourself first and then being there for your kids i don't.

Because i can only be as good to my kids as i am to myself if i'm empty i have nothing to give them so being able to be energized and love myself so that i can really love on my kids and support them and encourage them that's the most important thing and so that was where it came from and being in a relationship where i was really unhappy that wasn't gonna work for me and i had i knew in my gut for a long time but i just had to i had to do it and that was the scariest thing that i've ever done is get a divorce but it's been the best thing that i've ever done and that has really jump started my journey on self love and figuring out who i am.

Now what have been the things you've done since then what practices is that therapy is that sound healing is that just being in nature is that spending time with friends what are those practices that have supported supported you in your.

Self love growth it's interesting because i've been in therapy pretty much my whole life but this is the one time i didn't go to therapy i didn't go to therapy during my divorce but what i did was i wrote a lot and writing for me is a way for me to get my emotions in check really figure out what i'm going through and just to have a level we'll just be clearer also my friends i have a couple incredible friends who have really been with me every step of the way couldn't have done it without them honestly friends i think are sometimes the best therapists on the planet and yeah having time to myself and being in nature i moved into a new house i'm on twenty eight acres i'm outside all the time and just breathing meditating all of these things just taking care of myself physically emotionally mentally and taking time too to just you know i think for me it's really important to anytime and i've always been like this anytime you leave a relationship to reflect on it to learn from it and then when you can close that chapter then you can date and move on never understood how people go from one to the next i'm like how is there any growth there so that's been really important to me and there was obviously you know it was a divorce it wasn't just a breakup we have three kids together i really wanted to make sure that i was taking the time really feeling everything that i needed to feel before i was able to really move on yeah.

And you were afraid to feel things before in your past right yeah you never really faced it because you thought it was a weakness you said yeah what has feeling the full range of emotions done for you now it's gotten.

Me to a really peaceful place i would say and i'm not just saying this but i feel the best i've ever felt in my whole life the happiest i've ever been and that feels really good and i'm no longer afraid of getting hurt or i've sort of gotten to a place where if things don't work out i'm okay with that because i know something better is coming down the line i'm a very spiritual person i'm a very everything happens for a reason kind of thing i'm more just kind of go with the flow now where before i was always trying to control everything yeah and so now i'm just kind of taking a step.

Back where did the sense of control come from was there an insecurity i think that's a fear right doubt or.

What was the and i don't know exactly where it came from but i think control in a general sense is a fear a fear of what for me personally i don't really know maybe well i've always been afraid of getting my heart broken why probably because of my relationship with my dad and so i would want to break your heart before you were able to break my heart really yeah and so one of.

Those girls i was that girl i was that girl so just when things were getting good let's push the guy.

Away and see you later yeah so i've worked through that and i actually am excited to see who i can be in a new relationship because i feel like i've done so much work the last few years that and i'm in no rush to be in a new relationship but when i am it will excite me to see how different i can be wow yeah i look forward to that.

Do you feel like you were able to heal a lot of things from your past whether it be previous you know relationships growing up or with your with your father the relationship internally or with that or the.

Process i've done a lot of work on being in relationship with a narcissist and that has been heavy that's been heavy but really important and i'm really happy that i've worked through it and to be honest i don't know when you're dealing with stuff like that if it's with a parent or whoever like in my day to day i'm fine right like you can i can be like yes i'm totally fine i've worked through it but it's always still there you know it's like one of those things where as much work as you can do on something like that i don't know that you're ever like fully healed from it it's a journey it's a journey and acceptance is huge and i have accepted accepted everything in my life every situation in my life but the dad daughter relationship is an interesting one for sure and it's one that.

I'Ve never you haven't fully healed yet.

I mean i i feel like i have but then it but it is still kind of just always one being the back of my head there's so.

Much of your childhood memories that it's it's hard to process all of it and be like oh everything's perfect but it's you know even if we have good moments with our parents and some bad moments it's hard to like heal all those challenging moments in that process.

So and i think for me like the most important thing for me is accountability because i mean my mom for.

Example if someone else isn't accountable but.

That'S hard all i need is an apology that's all i need but that's really hard for me but you may.

Never we may never get that in.

Certain relationships in life exactly but that's why because my mom my mom is my best friend now but growing up we had a lot of issues but but she's taken responsibility and she's owned up to her stuff and that's allowed us to then have an incredible relationship now i mean she truly is my best friend but sometimes that's all people need is a sorry but that's one of the hardest things i think for.

People yeah you weren't able to do that with your dad fully yet or is it still in the process we're in the process we're in the process curious about the challenge that i think a lot of moms face yeah with always giving to their kids first before they give to themselves i'm not sure if that's what you did or maybe you're half and half but why do you feel like mothers feel like they should neglect self for their kid over everything and what does that do for moms from your personal standpoint and maybe the mom friends that you have who don't take care of themselves first or at least make themselves a priority in.

The process yeah well i think just logistically when you have little kids it's hard to make yourself a priority because there's no time or there's no resources or whatever it is but unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it most of it does fall on the moms just because when the kids are little the kids primarily want the moms too you know and moms are very good at balancing a million things and doing a thousand things at once and so you'll get burnt out if you continue down that path i mean there is light at the end of the tunnel in the sense that like my daughter who's my baby she was in kindergarten this past year and i remember dropping her off and being like oh my god now what like i.

Made it you know like all my.

Kids are in school now like you full days again you know so it's it's a moment in time but it is challenging and i wasn't able to now have that balance until i got a divorce and i'm not recommending getting a divorce but that's offered me this perfect balance i will say and before that there was a couple year period where i had three really small children i was filming very cavallari which was a reality show on e i was working on a cookbook i was hosting a lot for e my marriage yeah oh yeah oh yeah uncommon james i had my business and my marriage was falling apart and that was really really challenging that was the most stressful time in my life and how did you navigate that i just i don't know i mean it was i essentially had it was my reality show came first and my company and my kids you know and everything else was like a second thought which that's not why my marriage fell apart because i think that would be really easy for people to say that i think what i was doing was i was throwing myself in all of these things to avoid my marriage yeah yeah so you were saying.

Yes to things that maybe you wouldn't have i distract you i was missing.

Out to really yeah yeah yeah the.

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Happens when we avoid challenges i mean.

It just gets worse you know yeah yeah so but but in those moments you know if you're a working mom and it's very hard to find that time for yourself i mean it just.

Is i one hundred percent agree and.

So i wish i had some great advice but i really i don't i don't know what what to do even if it's get a friend you know to come and watch your kids so you can even lock yourself in your bathroom and take a bath yeah i.

Mean i think i mean listen i don't have any experience in this so this is an outside perspective without having kids speaking on this topic but i feel i feel like just in general i see a lot of women trying to do it all on their own as opposed to like you said have your friends come over or do it with other moms activities family as much as possible but for some reason it seems like maybe it's just in our culture that in general i see the moms wanting to feel like they're doing it independently like they're doing it alone and i just feel like that seems like a lot of pressure like just bring some friends over sometimes and you.

Know i think a lot of people don't want to ask for help though either i'm not good at that you're.

Personally not good at that i haven't.

Been and that's something i'm trying to get better at too is being it's okay to ask for help and leaning.

On people what's up with this theme of this vulnerability and weakness yeah i.

Know well when i was little i had to do everything myself and i learned very quickly that if i wanted something i just had to make it.

Happen myself why is that your parents weren't supporting or you didn't have my.

Parents weren't really around to be honest so my parents got a divorce when i was in third grade and no i mean it was essentially my brother and i my dad moved to california my mom was working we were alone quite a bit and then i moved to chicago with my mom once she got remarried and listen i love my mom but she was in a new marriage she was very wrapped up in that i was very much alone started getting into a lot of trouble moved to laguna beach california my dad and i did not have a great relationship and i never honestly wanted to be home and so again kept getting in trouble and so i was just kind of on my own but you know the good thing is i in high school when i was fifteen i went out and got a job because i wanted to not because i needed to and i remember my dad being like you know you don't have to get a job but for me that meant freedom and independence i never wanted to rely on anyone for money or for anything and i'm thankful for that now you know and that's what i mean it's like these things that we go through when we're younger or whatever it's setting us up for what we need in life and now that i'm older i can take a step back and i can work on all of the things i was so focused growing up and like this is what i want to do and i'm so tough and i'm not gonna rely on anybody not realizing that was a trauma in a lot of ways where now i can work through it so it's all good but yeah it's just interesting how life plays out and i do feel like everything we go through is building blocks.

Absolutely and i think it's only hurting yourself at the end of the day when you're not reaching out for support and you're trying to do it all.

Your own yeah super mom it's got.

To feel like a super weight though.

Right it's heavy for sure yeah yeah.

And now you feel a lot lighter yeah and also running a business with how many employees did you have well.

With our retail stores we have over a hundred wow yeah yeah it's been inspiring thanks we just had our five year anniversary it's pretty all right five years yeah it's been it's been amazing i'm so thankful for it too and honestly i think uncommon james is really what gave me the confidence to leave my kids and my company gave me the confidence to get a divorce yeah.

So five years in the making you didn't have any outside investors is that right what i said no i'm one hundred percent owner one hundred percent owner and i think i read online and we can edit this out if this is not true but it's doing about thirty million dollars a year in revenue now which is pretty inspiring to do to come from i mean you never had a jewelry business no well i.

Did have a line with a girlfriend but no i mean it was a.

Joke essentially so what was the vision when you created it and what would you say were the talents that you had to go into launching something from scratch without money coming in and believe in yourself to make this thing bigger than just an idea so i had.

A shoe line with chinese laundry for about five years which i loved that was such an enjoyable experience for me but at the end of the day i i was still answering to a.

Team of people you weren't ownership it.

Wasn'T mine i learned a lot though and sometimes i think it's almost more valuable to learn what not to do than it is what to do what.

Did you learn not to do well.

Okay another i had another jewelry line with a girlfriend and what i learned through that was a never work with a friend but b we came at it from very different perspectives i wanted to grow the company and i wasn't looking to make a quick buck where she needed money right then and so we just it just didn't work the.

Vision was not aligned the vision wasn't.

Aligned the values were off yeah but what i learned with my shoe line was that i really know my customer i really know my girl which was that gave me confidence i love accessories and so i had a shoe line couldn't do shoes so i felt like jewelry was the next natural step and because i had so much fire in me to prove to everybody i know what i'm doing watch me take this thing i was ready to go so i found someone to manufacture the jewelry and someone to create my website and from there it was like boom let's go i had no business plan the thing with me is i'm very let's.

Launch and see what happens exactly which.

You know i don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing but i've always been like that i run off of my gut instincts i don't overthink things i am super decisive and i just go and so i launched i think from the time i decided to do it to when i launched it was like four months and.

You designed you manufactured you sold and shipped within four months yeah holy cow and were you designing everything from the beginning yourself did you have other support.

Designing that's just me yeah how many.

Items did you have when you started.

I think i had like eight or nine so not many it's like one.

Small collection would that be a collection.

Yeah exactly yeah one small collection okay.

Yeah and so you're like i'm gonna launch this to my social media following i'm gonna do all the press that i know i can get on and just see what we can do with this exactly and what happened in the first couple months of launching we crushed.

It i mean it was yeah it was and it was such a great feeling because right out of the gate i was like okay i'm onto something and i do know what i'm talking about and so because it was so successful immediately that gave me the confidence too and to keep pushing and keep pushing and it was it was crazy because i mean i launched it in a room in my house it was a hobby at the time you know and i knew i never thought i'd go back to reality tv but i said i wanted to for uncommon james.

That was the key to promote the journey to show the whole journey you could document everything beautiful you can't buy.

That kind of exposure it's built in media yeah exactly so did you pitch.

To what was that so it was.

On e e did you pitch to.

Them and say hey so i met.

With a production company and we then went and pitched it to e and actually at the time i wasn't supposed to be on it as much it was going to be more about my employees and the the store and all of that and then e eventually you know they said they would only do it if i was on it more.

Kind of like what vanderpump rules yeah.

Whereas more that's a smart idea yeah.

But they wanted more of you they.

Wanted more of me and each season became more and more of me and my personal life but you know and it is what it is i mean i from the get go said i wanted to do three seasons i did three seasons it got me the exposure i needed it literally catapulted uncommon james to the next level overnight really yeah.

You think where would the company be without that show do you think i'm.

Sure it would still be successful but i don't think it would be what it is today like a five to.

Ten million dollars probably probably so that show had that much power even though it was probably only talked about what five percent of the time maybe like.

It was on at a decent amount though i do feel like the company was a bit of a character on.

The show interesting yeah so it was a part of almost every episode for.

A single because it was like the work drama or whatever was going on the shipping issues and whatnot because we really did show the hardships of a startup company and some of the things we went through which at the time i had a lot of other entrepreneurs reach out and say that they loved that i showed that stuff because it's what everyone goes through yeah it was real i didn't try to sugarcoat anything in that area but a reality show is hard because especially very cavalieri because we don't i didn't show my kids so that's a huge piece of my life that wasn't on the show and my life believe it or not is actually pretty boring it really is so.

You have to make it interesting yeah.

And so it's like coming up with storylines even you know it was it was exhausting and that's what i don't like about reality tv but i did.

It for the you can't just wake up and live your normal day there would be nothing to watch it like on your instagram or like watching tv or hanging out like a kids that's.

The most boring show ever so yeah you have to create you know create.

Situation yeah situations yeah that's interesting now curious we don't even go into the relationship but how much pressure does a reality show cause you as an individual whether you're in a relationship or not.

Yeah they definitely offer a level of stress in the sense that again it's people judging you you know they think that they're in the middle of your life with you and that everything they're seeing is accurate it's not there's no way to have a show be a hundred percent accurate unless you have cameras with you twenty four seven but even then things are getting edited your whole day is getting edited down to two minutes i mean that's impossible so that's challenging and also just the schedule quite.

Honestly it's filming nonstop it's a lot.

Constantly right yeah and when my kids i have my kids and they're not on camera you know we can only film while my kids are at school but i was i was good about that i was like i'm never filming on the weekends and that was the good thing with very capillaries i had a little bit more say in it and i was an executive producer so it ended up being a really enjoyable experience in that regard but i said i'm home every day by five for dinner with my kids i'm never filming on the weekends and if you need me to go do a night scene it's after my kids go to bed like i was i was very strict about that so so you had some.

Structure didn't feel too like burned out.

From it if i was just doing the show and had my kids i wouldn't have but it was the company and the cookbook and my marriage you know all the other hosting and all these other things on top of it it's a lot it was a lot.

It was a lot busy schedule yeah.

I mean you know fun stuff though too but yeah it was a lot.

Would you ever do a reality show again no you said that before i.

Did say that before but i mean it this time why is that no because again believe it or not even though i've been on three reality shows i've always been semi private even on laguna beach and now that i'm watching it again for this podcast anytime like my ex boyfriend and i were in a fight or whatever i would say let's talk about it later let's talk about it later because i didn't want to talk about it on camera and that's again because i didn't want to be vulnerable right but i like keeping my personal life private and especially with where i'm at a my life's not that interesting i'm never gonna do a dating show i can guarantee that so and i just whoever i end up with i would never want to expose our relationship like that yeah well i.

Mean you probably host shows you just wouldn't be in a reality show absolutely.

I would host a reality show but yeah no it won't be about it.

Wouldn'T it be about you behind the scenes in your home and in your bedroom oh no yeah gosh what were the greatest lessons you've learned about being in reality tv like on just all of it managing it all i think.

Just really being true to who you are and not bending for producers or for this or that which i did more on laguna beach and well the hills i did but i was essentially playing a character which made it fun i looked at it as a job and that was a very different experience but very cavallari i stood up for myself a little bit more and i was like i would never say that i'm not i'm not doing you know.

Like because the producer might say hey we want you to start with this conversation by saying they'll try to get.

You to do anything and everything and when you realize you can say no you know that's a good place to be in so i think but that's sort of been my thing my whole career is i've always been me and i think that's what people can see is i'm authentic i'm not trying to put on a show i'm not trying to be somebody that i'm not i probably say too much i don't really have a filter but that's me and so so i think now people come into this business with an agenda and they're trying to be someone they're not.

I was asking you i got sidetracked but i was asking you about how you launched your company and you said in the first few months you killed it and you had a lot of confidence going into it what were the biggest challenges you had to face after launch because you had a big surge of confidence you had a bunch of sales what did you have to face.

The next generation year well the biggest hurdles were when the show came on air and we sold out of everything immediately and the whole first season of very cavaliere we had no product no inventory nothing what nothing wow that's a problem that was a huge problem so.

Were we just collecting pre orders like you were just getting the sale and saying we'll ship it in six months.

Or what yeah i think it took four to five months to get everything and we had one of those alerts so people could sign up to be notified which by the way two percent of those people actually place an order so we're like oh my god yeah we're ordering thousands and thousands of units of stuff and then when everything came in it was like a tiny percentage.

Of those people actually ordered really so.

We'Re sitting on all this inventory figuring out our inventory for a while was a massive challenge honestly probably until about a year ago and so that was huge also hiring we had all the wrong people working for us for the first few years we just needed bodies.

At one point no one teaches you.

How to hire and i realized i'm.

Hard and how to manage i'm horrible.

At managing and i still am and so i have nothing to do with that anymore thank god although i've hired i mean i shouldn't say that i've hired incredible people my coo my cfo i have really great adults in the.

Building now you let them hire for.

You exactly now they do all the heavy lifting but yeah so you know just the insane growth that we saw overnight was very challenging to keep up with i'd say that was probably the hardest thing and then i've had to fire a lot of people in my day which i hate i get anxiety about it i feel like i'm gonna throw up i hate it and so yeah i had to do that way more than i wanted to i had to figure out this business world when i don't know anything about it you know i just had to fake it.

Till i made it because you were essentially a talent putting your name on products or lines before essentially i mean.

I was involved but yes it was someone else's company you know and i had a team of people to fall back on where this was me this was all me and so it was exciting but it's also it's heavy and still i will always feel that because i'm now responsible for a large group of people and you know it's my main source of income and so i want to make sure that it continues to grow so i'll always have that not heaviness but i'll always feel that.

Way yeah of course what's the vision now after five years where where do you see it in the future so.

We'Re gonna open two more stores next year we have three right now so.

That'Ll be do you have one in.

La no we had a pop up at the grove for a while i.

Think i saw that one time yeah.

There'S like a beautiful carousel yeah i.

Gotta get some for my girlfriend yeah.

I'Ll send you some stuff but i don't know that i ever will in la if i was gonna do california i would do southern california but we have nashville chicago and dallas we're gonna open charleston and austin next year wow yeah so very excited about that but you know honestly i wanna just continue to grow it we have jewelry and skincare is our two main focuses and then we have some home goods and stuff like that but the jewelry and the skincare are what are driving the most sales and so i wanna take what we're really good at and just focus on those i don't wanna have a million other products what we know and do that to the best of our ability so the main thing the.

Jewelry and the skincare the skincare is more recent right yeah it's only in.

The last year how's that doing it's doing really well yeah it's a clean skin care brand and a lot of brands can say that they're clean but we actually are so there's peace of mind putting these products on your skin and we've only launched with our five core products and we have a ton more coming out so i'm excited for.

That more inventory challenges to face yeah.

Well now i have a team of people for that not on my plate.

Anymore what inspires you the most about yourself over these last five years in the business side of things again starting something from scratch building it up going through a lot of challenges of hiring firing kind of all the mess yeah mistakes the lessons the growth the success what are you most inspired and proud of within yourself just the fact that.

I listened to my gut and i i trusted myself you know i think that's a hard thing to do sometimes is to trust ourselves and that i fought and i pushed for it and i didn't let any discouragement along the way stop me i think that's really important and i also am really proud of the fact that at one point in time i did every job within my company you know so i was shipping i was you know doing i was i've done everything and so that i also am proud of and i'm just i'm proud of where we've gotten it to you know i mean i really am it's the thing i'm most proud of professionally and so that's cool if my daughter wants to take it over one day i think that would be awesome you know i think just being able to show my kids too that you know you can do anything you want i think is really cool.

That'S really inspiring thanks you know speaking of young women i feel like there's a pressure today for women to be like perfect on specifically social media and instagram and everything else what advice would you have for young women who see you and they're so inspired by your success they're inspired by the mom you've become the woman you've become the entrepreneur all these different things polished on tv all the different things that you do well on how to really stay true to themselves and not get into i don't know a fake persona to try to get likes or try to get engagement or try to search for some type of acceptance or acknowledgement that i feel like just a lot of people are putting out in the world i.

Know what it's so hard for everybody but i mean young women especially you just can't get caught up in the noise and you know social media is not the real world i think that's what we all have to keep in perspective it's not the real world none of that translates into the real world i think it's easy to get sucked into all of that put your phone down go outside go have actual human interaction i think that's the most important thing but you can't compare yourself to anybody else i think that's probably the most important thing the only person you should be comparing yourself is to yourself you know am i better than i was yesterday or a year ago or whatever it is you know we're all on a different journey and we also have no idea what other people are going through and of course on social media we're all putting our best foot forward you know it's easy to compare our worst to everybody else best and then we end up feeling even worse than we did initially so we just have to keep it all in perspective and you know pick up the phone call your friend pick up the phone call your mom go outside like put.

Your phone down when did you stop comparing yourself to other people i mean.

Listen i would be lying if i said i never did you know i still do sometimes but i think i think truly like just in the last couple years have i really started to get to that place so give me.

An example of is this you would see someone on social media and you would you'd see what they're doing and they had some success and thought you need to do more of that or would you compare yourself yeah i think what do women in general i guess is it comparing to looks is it comparing to success comparing to like oh their husband did this with them it's.

Everything really yeah and i think what it is is there's this mentality that oh if you have it i can't but no there's room for all of us to have all of it so instead of being envious or jealous i guess i should say it's being happy for someone because also i am a big believer in energy and we get what we put out there and so if you want love you need to be putting out love you know and so instead of being this like bitter like oh you know f her and whatever it's you know what good for her she's killing it like it's changed flipping the script in your head and i think how we talk to ourselves is also really important too yeah are.

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A big believer in energy me and my girlfriend talk about energy all the time i'm curious do you have a daily energy practice to support you in having harmony and peace in your heart in your mind is there something you do in the morning or at night that supports this reminder when maybe you get off track and you go into comparison mode and you have to catch yourself and go back into like keep killing a girl or whatever you know.

Five minute journal which is a gratitude book i go through phases but i do have that and i try to incorporate that on a daily basis i also got these little three minute journals for my kids too so we'll do that together at night and in the morning sometimes yeah a lot of times it's a little over their head but i just think laying the groundwork right now will hopefully set them up for the rest of their lives yeah so.

Yeah three kids right yeah two boys and a girl if you could only share with them three pieces of advice you could sit down in front of them you could only give them three pieces of advice for what they're gonna face for the next twenty thirty years of their life and you can only share these three things what would be.

That advice you'd give them that okay okay i said one of them earlier but no matter what you do you can't please everybody so live your life for you you create your own destiny and life's about the journey you know just being present i guess is what i would say that's beautiful yeah and call your mom every day the kids.

Are lucky i'm curious kristen if you could go five years in the future and just hypothetical imagine your five year old self walking up to you are.

We in therapy right now isn't this.

A therapy exercise is it i don't.

Know yeah self talking to your little.

Self yeah that one is but i'd like to talk to my future self okay okay okay i've had many conversations with my five year old self in fact it's on it's on my screensaver saver is my five year old self oh wow to heal the inner child.

Wow you really have been doing work.

That'S good yeah but i like to go in the future because when we it's really when we learn to heal the memories of the past then we can be more present and we can start looking at the future about what we want to create what we can imagine as a opposed to being stuck in the past pain love it so if your five year old self hypothetically walks right up to you and is standing right here what would be the ideal on how she would look her energy her presence her qualities what would she have and what do you think she needs to say to you right now in order for you to be prepared for what's to come okay well.

The energy would be warm and loving and engaging and because i'm talking to the five year old getting down on.

Her level no five years ahead so your forty year old self oh oh.

Sorry sorry i'm talking to my forty.

Year old self you're talking to your.

Forty year old self i'm talking to my forty year old self gotcha your.

Forty year old self is coming up.

To you oh okay to me right.

Now okay okay five years away from now and she has this presence energy what is that presence she has okay.

Well i would still say and what.

Would she be telling you at thirty.

Five what would forty year old me be telling me at thirty five to.

Be ready for over the next five.

Years of your life got it okay so she would still be warm and welcoming and inviting and calm i think and just peaceful just seemingly happy what.

Advice would she tell you on how to be prepared for what's to come over the next five years of your.

Life to just to be that's what i've been saying the whole time be present feel it all experience it all take it all in and savior these moments i'm really thinking about my kids because my oldest is almost ten and it just goes by so fast so in five years i mean you know he's gonna be fifteen almost so just to really enjoy these moments with them because i know as soon as they're out of the house i'm gonna be a mess really yeah and i mean listen there's days where i'm like oh my i need today to be over you guys are driving me nuts you know but it's yeah overall i look back and i'm like how is my oldest ten it's insane to me like this huh so fast long days insanely quick years you know that's kind of how it is but yeah so i just wanna i just wanna take in these years you know while they still love me and wanna snuggle with me.

And all you know watch movies with.

Me exactly i just i just i want it all with them what's the.

Greatest lessons your kids have taught you.

They have really inspired me to work through my you know to be the best self that i can be so that i can be the best mom to them because i want to be operating from my highest self so that i can really show up for them and obviously i'm not perfect you know we all have our things and i'm sure in twenty years they'll say i mess them up in some way but but i want to i want to give it my best shot and so that's obviously they've taught me about patience and i think just being able to really look in the mirror and and look at myself to figure out what things i need to work on yeah.

What are the things you still need to work on or insecurities or doubts.

That you think i have a really hard time trusting people but i don't know how you really work on that necessarily i think being in the entertainment business that offers its own challenges with trust but i was like that before and so before sixteen right yeah i've kind of always been like that but i guess maybe with men is really what i'm talking about and so like in relationship with men is that trust and so i don't know i mean i'm dating in a general sense and i'm trying to figure that out right.

Now it's hard to open your heart sometimes yeah it is and fully trust.

Someone'S you don't know what someone's intentions are and you know yeah so that's it's challenging that's what i was telling.

You before that when i started hanging out with my girlfriend i was like i'm going to be i told her i'm going to be one hundred percent authentic to who i am i'm not changing for you i'm going to grow and improve for me and for my mission but i'm not going to change to try to make you happy so if you don't accept me and i don't accept you then we shouldn't be.

Together exactly that's how it should be that's how dating should be i was.

Like and once i got to know her and hear the words that come out of her mouth and watch her actions and behaviors match that you know that's where i started to build the trust and started to have the trust for and i think it's learning for me i'll speak for myself it's learning how to create agreements and boundaries in place and not allowing things to pass if someone breaks their word consistently you're like okay without any mending without any apology or anything like that then it's challenging so i think it's so great i think it's important to have our hearts fully open but also we can create boundaries we don't have to move.

Forward that's the key exactly yeah and i think too just being okay if things don't work out too that's a great place to be in where it's like listen if it doesn't work out it's all good like we just weren't meant to be and that's okay yeah so all right well you're inspiring me.

No it's definitely it's definitely possible but i think you know for me i just had to do a lot of the healing work to know that i can walk away and be okay yeah and not abandon myself exactly i think a lot of it is like learning to not abandon ourselves in relationships just because we don't want it to fail.

Exactly we don't want to make it.

Hurt someone yeah so true it sounds like you were really good earlier in your life at saying peace and like hurting the guys you're like i still.

Am but i mean no but i know i mean i think before i didn't i know empathy really for other people it was more just about me the world revolves around around me where now i don't want to actually hurt anybody that's not my mission you know before like when i was younger you know early twenties and teens it was if i can hurt you it'll prevent me from getting hurt that was sort of my mentality i know it's messed.

Up oh man yeah so i'm not like that i'm glad i didn't meet.

You back then jeez i know so i'm not like that anymore that's good.

You'Re a kind human being oh yeah.

That'S good i have more compassion passion.

Of my life what's what's the thing that you're most proud of about yourself that most people don't know about you that's not on a tv show that's not in public but yeah maybe it's something small or something big but no.

One knows about no one or like very few yeah i mean i would say i have that i'm very normal like i'm very down to earth and normal and i'm not just saying that but like that's what my friends tell me and people who meet me i've allowed the entertainment world to not be my life i look at it almost as fantasy land to me this is not real world it's just not and it's because i didn't grow up in all of this i mean obviously it fell into my lap at seventeen but i grew up in chicago and colorado and so i live a very normal life and i'm a homebody and i just kind of like to kick it.

You got a lot of land you.

Got a lot of yeah you have a farm or something i mean sort i have chickens and beehives and stuff like that but yeah and my kids have go karts and they run drive around and it's yeah but so my life is not this glamorous dramatic you know crazy life it's very normal and i'm i'm thankful for that and i am i'm proud that i didn't let any of this stuff change me or or make me somebody that i don't want to be yeah i guess yeah.

It'S inspiring is there any question you wish more people would ask you that they don't ask ask you well it.

Seems like all anyone ever cares about is my dating life so if they wanted to ask me anything other than.

That i could hear i could care less about that yeah i appreciate i'm more curious about like learning what you've learned about yourself in this process and the person you've become and the challenges you've overcome whether it's in dating or business or anything but it's not about.

Who are you dating yeah i know i guess it's more about i wish people would ask you know like what makes you happy like what you are are you doing that fuels you like that kind of stuff instead of just.

What are those yeah what are those.

Things god great question i mean honestly i love cooking i find it to be so therapeutic i love hiking i love being outside i love just spending time with the people i love you know my kids my best friends i love traveling i was just in coeur d' alene idaho it's beautiful it was.

Amazing on the lake yes it's incredible.

And i went with three girlfriends that i've been friends with for eighteen years wow and we just had the time of our lives like that we hiked went to a farmer's market that to me is that's what life's about that.

Little town right there it's amazing the.

Lake we're making that our annual trip i loved it it's incredible yeah well.

Kristen i'm really grateful to connect with you and meet you and just to learn more about you from a real world perspective not the real world on tv and i've got a couple final questions for you before i ask them i want to get i want to have people follow you and support you you're kristen cavallari on instagram and all over social media also uncommon james they can learn more about your skincare line there your jewelry collection which i'm going to get some for my girlfriend make that happen and also you have the podcast the luna podcast dropping yeah so.

That comes out july twelfth that is back to the beach with steven and kristen and it's a laguna beach rewatch.

Podcast so if you're thirty five to forty this is the podcast for you to relive your high school and college.

Years it's been a trip to say.

The least yeah so that comes out when does it come out july twelfth july twelfth coming out it's how many.

Episodes so we did forty so the seasons one and two and then a couple of filler episodes interviewing people and whatnot but yeah it's been fun do.

You guys talk about lessons or is it more just kind of like it's.

Everything it's yep it's light and fun we also get deep at times it's therapeutic we have people come on it's you know yeah we really cover a lot of ground it's been really fun i'm really happy that i did it.

That'S cool that's cool so we can follow you on your social media we can check out uncommon james and follow there and we'll learn more about you'll be promoting that when it comes out so if they're following you they'll get access to that anything else we can do to support you today no i.

Mean this has been great i really this has been one of my favorite interviews so thank you that's good i'm.

Happy to hear that this is a question i ask everyone at the end it's called the three truths i think they might have prepped you on this before imagine that it is your last day on earth you get to live as old as you want to live and you get to live the life of your dreams everything you want comes true but for whatever reason you've got to take all of your conversations your work your message it's got to go somewhere else but you get to leave behind three lessons to the world three things you know to be true and this is all we would have to remember you by what would be those.

Three truths for you okay and now i'm kind of wishing i said some of this for the lessons i would give my kids but it's all good it's all good okay so the first one would be we're only given as much as we can handle i truly believe there is nothing we will go through in life that we're not capable of that's one two stay curious and three which i've been saying is that you can't please everyone so you got to live your life for you yeah.

Those are powerful and i think you being on tv at a you know for a long time you probably learned that at that you know from sixteen seventeen until now that you if you do that you're gonna be miserable exactly it's gonna be exhausting draining you can't please everybody yeah so really learning a practice on how to manage that internally and not not deal with that stress kristen i want to acknowledge you it's really been a pleasure to connect with you and learn about your story in a more vulnerable open way that i think most people don't hear about from you and the shorter you know celebrity news stuff that you're in typically so i really acknowledge you for i mean anyone going through a breakup anyone building a business all these things are challenging anyone having three kids all these things are challenging things in life but it can also be beautiful moments of transformation absolutely in each area of life so i really acknowledge you for being vulnerable for feeling the wide range of emotions that you're feeling and not shying away from them and not stuffing them thank you i acknowledge you for processing it i acknowledge you for doing your best to be a light and lift others up around you i acknowledge you for being open about different challenges you still have and knowing that you're a human being on the journey so congratulations i acknowledge you and my final question is what's your definition of greatness so my.

Definition of greatness is is one i've also kind of said this but not comparing yourself to others and just being the best to your ability so whatever that means to you kristen thanks so.

Much appreciate you appreciate it amazing thank you so much for listening i hope you enjoyed today's episode and inspired you on your journey towards greatness make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of.

Today'S show with all the important links.

And also make sure to share this.

With a friend and subscribe over on.

Apple podcasts as well i really love hearing feedback from you guys so share a review over on apple and let.

Me know what part of this episode.

Resonated with you the most and if no one's to trying told you lately.

I want to remind you that you.

Are loved you are worthy and you matter and now it's time to go out there and do something great.

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