The Identity Behind the Income: Rewriting Your Self-Concept with Chelsey Parkinson

Foreign. This is Busy Getting Better, the podcast for women who are committed to prioritizing their own personal growth. I'm your host, Madison J. A mindset and money coach, a first generation wealth builder and a woman on a mission to help you master your finances and live your best life. Money is not all we are covering though, because in order to live your best life, you have to become your best self. So we are diving deep into all things personal development and bringing you the mindset that shifts money, tips and inspiration. You need to go out there, be bold, and build the life you can't stop daydreaming about. It's time to get busy, babe. Busy getting better. What is up, you guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today's conversation is for the woman who's done the vision boarding, the goal setting, the money mindset work and still feels like she's hitting the same ceiling. Because here's the truth. You cannot out strategize a self concept that doesn't believe you're the kind of woman who who can build wealth. We talk about this all the time and today my guest is gonna let you hear about it even more. We've got Chelsea Parkinson on the show who is a high performance and leadership coach who helps ambitious women get the life that they say they want instead of the one they keep settling for. I love that so much because I think so often that is what a lot of people do is we kind of just settle. But not here and not my audience. She started her career inside the Department of Defense, which is such a badass thing, and leading high pressure teams and studying human behavior under stress. After leaving, she built a seven figure coaching business. Zero ads and zero funnels, which is so hot. Love that for you. And she teaches her signature framework, which is all about the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that you have leading to the actual results. So I'm so excited to get into this today and to talk about this with you and Chelsea. Welcome to Busy Getting work.

I am so excited to be here. I love any work that allows women to make more money, that allows women to learn how to be in relationship with their money, how to be a more powerful earner. And so often the way that we think and feel about ourselves sabotages and blows that up because we're already fighting a system that isn't always designed for us to make money in the first place. So any work that I can contribute to getting more money in the hands of women. Let's go.

And that is why she's here, ladies and gentlemen, because we need more money in the hands of women. And we do, we self sabotage often. And so I talk about helping women build a new money identity. But at the root of it, we talk about very similar things. Right. Of really working on your self concept. So in your words, tell the ladies what is self concept and why is this the missing piece that everybody actually needs to be paying attention to if they want to change not only their finances, but really anything in their life?

Yeah. So often you hear people talk about identity and I know identity is a term that you use. Identity is who do I believe I am, what do I believe about myself? And self concept is all of that, plus the deeper layers of all of your subconscious programming, all of the things that run in the background of your brain that will get ahead of you if we're not intentional and aware about the actions that we're taking. So self concept really is that thing that stands between, I know what to do, but I'm not doing, but I can't figure out why I'm not doing when I know what to do. And usually we run to judgment or we run to self criticism instead of looking at the source, which is you probably have some stories running around in your subconscious and running around in your programming that are legitimately stopping you from being able to take action on the things that you know how to do.

Yeah, a hundred percent. And I think this work is so important because we realize now, I think we're starting to recognize in the field of science that we're in. And I think it's so fun to be alive as all of this is getting validated. But the subconscious beliefs that we have, like, this is the ruler of our lives. And so if we have all these beliefs that are holding us back, like, of course we're not going to be able to act out of alignment with that because our brain is really trying to keep us safe. And so we've got to start to feel safe with these new things that we're calling in this new identity that we want to embody. So I'm curious, like, what are some common things that you recognize where you're like, you have an identity problem, you have a self concept problem. Like, what are like the quick hits? Because what I love about you is that you are just straight to the point. Right? We are like, no, no, no, ma', am, I want you to get better. We're not sugarcoating this. Here's what's holding you back and here's how we're gonna work through it. So what are some like telltale signs in your world where you're just like, oh, this is what we need to talk about.

Yeah. So when I see people who come to me and they have read every book, every workshop, every course, like you are out there doing what you think you should be doing. You are well studied and educated and you know, you know all of the information and nothing is shifting 10 out of 10. That's a self concept problem. Because those people, those of you that are out there doing what you think needs to be done, because that's what people are telling, well, just read this book, just go take this course, just go do this thing. You are doing what you think you should be doing. So you're not stuck because you can't learn. You're not stuck because you don't have the information. When I say that, I know for sure we've got a self concept that has created a container where you can keep putting information in, but you can't take action to get out of the container. So you're open, overflowing with information and knowledge, but you're really under resourced with what you need to be able to move within all of that information. Always a self concept issue.

Okay? And I think when people are starting to think like, okay, that is me, I'm listening to all the podcasts, I'm reading all the books, like we're trying to change and maybe little shifts start to happen, right? But there's like this quantum leap conversation that people want all of this stuff, right? So when people start to work on their self concept, how quickly do you see people start to shift and actually start to change their external reality?

When you're doing real self concept work, when you're really willing to get into it and put in the reps to expand your container, it is so fast. Like most of my containers are 90 days. Because once we get into, hey, what is your self concept right now? What does it need to look like for what you're trying to accomplish? Good. Now we know the gap between where you are and where you need to be from a self concept perspective. As soon as we start to implement those reps, you start to see change. It's way faster than the gym, y'. All. You start to see the muscle, the self concept muscle, if you will, is so fast. And when we take out the self judgment and the criticism and the shame, because that's a key. So many of us are trying to up level from shame. We're trying to make ourselves feel bad into change, right? Like everybody on January 1st that's rocking into the gym is trying to shame themselves into the gym. The statistics of how many of those people stick around. Right. Because we can't build good habits from toxic self image, from self judgment and self criticism. So when we can peel away from the negativity and really step into growth mindset and positive psychology approaches and work on self concept. It's so fast. It's so fast.

I am actually somebody who stuck to my gym New Year's routine about three years ago. We walked in, my husband and I hired a personal trainer on the first day of the new year. And three years later and I'm still a gym girly, so. Right. Let's hope that's a positive sign. I'm going to bust a lot of other statistics. Right. Like I think that's exciting. I want to help paint a picture for people. What are some self concept shifts that people can go through? Right. How do we actually start to help people identify, oh, this is a self concept problem, this is an identity problem and I need to work on what to get where. Right. Can we kind of take them through this? And maybe this would be a good opportunity to hear you really talk about your framework that you take people through. And obviously we mentioned the thoughts, the feelings and behaviors, but take us on a journey like what does that look like for that trans transformation to happen over 90 days?

Yeah. So I love this framework because it's the marriage of like manifestation and methodology. I'm a big neuroscience nerd, but I love the woo woo as much as the next person. And I want them to be nicely woven together so that we've got how the brain is actually functioning from a psychology and neuroscience perspective, plus belief systems and those things that are harder to touch. But we know they happen. Right? We know that quantum physics is a thing and quantum leaping is a thing and manifestation. They're all products of what happens in your brain first. So my framework, what it allows us to do is to look at your results and to go, okay, if I'm not getting the result that I'm looking for. We could use money as an example here. Right. If I'm not saving the money that I know I could be saving, or I'm still overspending, or pick a result that we see. We jump to this other side of the equation and we get really clear about your current thoughts, your current feelings and your current behaviors so that we can start to shift them. It's kind of like a Rubik's Cube. Right. Like we're going to shift some Behaviors. And then we're going to see what's happening to our result, which is our. And then we're going to go in and we're going to look at your mindset. And most importantly is your emotion line. Women are always told, well, your emotions are the problem. No, your emotions are only the problem because you haven't been taught how to separate them from your behaviors, because you haven't been taught how to be powerfully in relationship with them. And so we really dig into what emotions you need to have to get the results that you're looking for. Because we move from our emotions, all of us men too, but we won't get into that. That's the whole thing. Right? But emotions are so important. So we really dive into. Do you even understand your emotions? Do you know how they show up in your system? Do you know what happens before you even consciously catch up to the fact that you're feeling anxious? So you went on Amazon, right? Like, you can see it after the fact. But how do we put those somatic speed bumps in, if you will, that says, oh, I feel that feeling in my solar plexus, or I'm doing that thing I do when I want to avoid something. And we put a new habit in between so that our behaviors and our emotions are supportive of the result that we actually want. And so once we put in those reps and we start to shift those things, your brain works like a gps. It plots the path, if you will, to this new result that you're trying to chart with the right car gas in the tank, all of the things that have been missing or that you've been misaligned with. Because again, maybe your thoughts were informed by shame, maybe your feelings are negative, maybe your behaviors are reactive instead of proactive. So once we can manipulate your equation, there's legitimately nothing that you can't accomplish.

Okay, and can we get even, like, granular. How do we manipulate. What are we doing on actually executing on this work? I love everything that you're talking about is habit. Like, we need to be shifting the habits that we have and not only the work that we're executing on, but how to do it. And I know, obviously, I'm a neuroscience geek, like, I love NLP and really starting to shift that stuff. So, you know, I talk often about a lot of those modalities, but I'm curious, like, for you and your work, are you utilizing a lot of those NLP tools? I would love to hear what. What's your favorite one to make the best the Most impactful shifts.

So I find that most of my clients fall in two camps. We either fall in the mindset, journaling, working on our internal marketing, which is nlp, like really getting into the language and the belief systems and more meditative modalities that reset the mindset. For some of my clients, that works brilliantly. They love the mindset forward approach. For others of my clients, and myself included, we start with the behavioral elements because for some of us, our brains work better when we see new evidence. So instead of the thoughts changing the emotions, while I'm believing different things about myself, so I feel differently for other people, it's I need to go and do this thing, I need to change this habit. I need to take a micro behavior, which is something that I use for all of my clients. I need to go take a couple of micro actions that feel pretty safe but are marching me where I need to go so that those come back and change my equation. So I, I find that for 99% of the population, it's either mindset modalities first and then the rest of the through line, or we're working on a behavior because the human brain loves evidence. If you can go and take a new behavior, right, that says, oh, I'm disproving my story that I can't save money, or I'm disproving my story that I can't sign a new client at a five figure price point, now we've got evidence and we start to dilute the old stuff. And it's a lot harder to sit in an old story if you're collecting evidence for a new story.

Yeah, I love that. I oftentimes will talk about two things on that. One is the goal setting. We all, especially ambitious women, myself included, fall into this like, I'm gonna set these crazy goals. But so important to remember that you set those big goals and you hold the vision for them in the future. And you then have to take it down. The neuroscience, we can actually utilize it to rewire our brain by setting the smallest fricking goals. And why did none of us wanna do that? None of us wanna set the small wins. But that is how you actually start to prove to yourself, oh, I can do this. And it's so funny. I feel like this comes up in conversation often where it is these smallest decisions that you're making every single day that actually make a difference. And people just, just want the get, get rich quick. Oh, I want to do this crazy thing and then be over there when it's really the boring Shit, babe. It's really the boring shit. It really is. It really is.

And it's so important though, Madison, because that's what creates the stability and the nervous system, safety to hold that bigger stuff. Right. Like we all hear stories of how people get that, that big win and they fall apart.

Right.

Like movie stars and pop stars and all of these people. Because your self concept is a container and those little small wins. My clients get so irritated with me because we'll get on a call and I'll give them something that's this big to do and they're like, but how does that. I'm like, can you just, can you just trust me that if you do this consistently until I see you next time, that we're going to build a foundation where it's like lifting weights. Like I'm a bodybuilder. So I think of this a lot, where I'm not gonna go into the gym and jump underneath some weight that's a hundred pounds more than what I did last week. Right. I'm gonna get injured, I'm gonna freak myself out, and then I'm gonna judge myself because my self concept doesn't match what I'm doing. So all of those little things are so freaking important. I realize they're mundane and they don't feel as big in. That's something else I work really hard on with my clients is nothing means anything until you assign meaning. So why can't we celebrate the I drank an extra glass of water for two weeks the same way as we celebrate I got into, you know, the dress that I've been dying to wear.

Yeah. You celebrate these little micro wins along the way and that's actually what helps us get to those goals faster. Otherwise we set these big goals and we do all or nothing mentality, which is so common. And then you're what, essentially setting yourself up for failure and you're like, well, of course I don't feel like I can accomplish this goal because I'm not really creating a safe, safe space for myself to feel like I'm a winner in this scenario. You're kind of setting yourself up. And then I kind of feel like that's a trap too. It's that self fulfilling prophecy of just like, we'll see if. Then of course it's not gonna work. So I feel like so much of this work is that it's like, what's the micro step? What's the smallest next decision that you can do? And then you start to build on that.

Yeah. And that's otherwise it doesn't feel real. Yeah, it doesn't feel real. We don't trust it. And then your self sabotage comes out to play because you didn't actually sit in. This is my truth. We just chased it from desire. But want is not the thing that solidifies us into anything. Want is an ignition emotion. It's not an action emotion. And so if we don't really work on how we hold those bigger wins, we can't help but blow it up because it doesn't feel safe. It's not woo woo, like nervous system work. I think people think that it's so woo woo of like I need to feel safe, I need to be in the vibe. No, your nervous system is the thing that tells your whole whole self how you're going to be in relationships with pretty much everything. So if we're not planning for that and intentionally planting seeds, then you don't stick to anything. And then we're back to shame and self judgment.

Yeah, a hundred percent. And this is so important. I talk about this all the time. So I'm going through my group coaching program right now, which is Debt Ditcher Academy and I'm like so harping this week, specifically talking a lot about the things that you and I are talking about. And it's like people want to change their finances, people want to change their life. But if you're operating from an old belief system that you can't have that reality or you're trying to make right these little micro changes in your finances and you've got to move on that, otherwise you just, you revert back to this it's not possible for me mentality, I can't live that life. And you do find ways to start self sabotaging yourself. And this is where the woo does come in. But then weird shit starts happening and you're just like, how am I supposed to get ahead? And it's just a self validating prophecy that we end up in. So I love that we're having this combo because I'm like, this is what's lacking so much from personal finance is like, like putting a band aid on it and trying to be better budget, better spend, better invest. But we're not embodying that identity. So I think this is like just such an important conversation to be having because as we're trying to change our finances, we have to go to the root, we have to talk about what this identity is and the self concept is. Otherwise we don't really make shifts the way that we know we want to and we know you need to.

It won't happen. And not with the depth that you want it to either. You won't feel the way you think you're gonna feel when you get there. Which will dull the shine on how you thought you were going to feel.

Right.

I'm finally out of Deb. But I didn't practice how I wanted to feel along the way. I expected being debt free to make me feel and I didn't do all the micro actions for my mindset. So I'm still thinking about myself as the broke in debt person instead of as the debt free person. We have to be shifting the whole line. Your thoughts, feelings and behaviors all have to be up leveling at the same time. Because otherwise you end up again in that place of like, well, now what? I'm here. I don't feel the way I wanted to feel. Yeah. Because things don't make you feel. You have to work on the emotions and the arrival. Or to your point, your confirmation bias kicks in and you go back to collecting all the evidence for the old thoughts.

Yeah, a hundred percent. I just did a whole training on the confirmation bias and that is such a powerful one that we can either use to our disadvantage or start to use to our advantage. I talk about that one all the time of like your brain wants you to be right. So if you want to go out and find all of the proof that everything is absolutely going to work out for you, then you're gonna find it. And if you're gonna find all the proof that you suck and that you're never gonna have your goal, like you're gonna find it. So it's just all about the lens that you create and making sure that you're the one in charge of that.

Yeah. And being super intentional. I always remind my clients that the human brain is predisposed to weigh the negative three to five times heavier than the positive. So if your confirmation bias is set to why the world is against me or why I won't get what I want or you know, this and that, those things, if you imagine like being in a ladder, you are going to have to climb further up the ladder to get out of because you allowed yourself to indulge that thinking than if we just started on flat ground. Because every time we think those negative thoughts, we can't help it. It's a survival mechanism of we blow things up that are negative because we're trying to protect ourselves from them.

And I think there's so much power into that and that's Why I love talking about this through the lens of money because it's just like, guys, we are wired. It's. There's nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. We are just recognizing how the human brain and how the human body operates and starting to figure out how do we use this to our benefit? How do we actually start to work towards the things that we want and understand? Like, oh, you're actually just trying to keep me alive and safe. Like, thank you. Yeah, thank you. You're so sweet to me. I appreciate you. And also, I'm gonna go there, and I know it's gonna feel scary, but, like, I gotta get there. So we face that.

Yeah, 100%. I thank my brain all the time, and I encourage my clients to do the same because we're. We try to beat ourselves up all the time of, like, what's so stupid that I feel this way? Your brain is trying its best to protect you from what it thinks is scary. But even the idea that it's scary, that's. That's mindset. That's like fear of the unknown and all of the other cognitive distortions that come out to play. Where, again, if we invested in, well, I need to really double down on frequently thinking that this is safe for frequently thinking. I think people forget that thoughtwork is active and repetitive. You can't just, oh, well, you know, like, sure, I believe that, or I think that, but did you think it over and over and over again? Did you write it down somewhere? Did you listen to it? Did you put it on a sticky note? I put sticky notes all over the place if I'm trying to reprogram something. The brain works on frequency, not on truth or fiction. It identifies truth by how often you think a thing. That's it.

A hundred percent repetition is key. It's like you have a cup and it's got dirty water in it or something. And the best way to remove it is to start to just fill it with a bunch of positive stuff. And then eventually it overflows. Like, if you've seen that video. And I think about that all the time, like, we've got to work extra hard to fill it with all this positive proof that we can accomplish our goals so that our brain's like, oh, maybe I should listen to this. Maybe I should do this.

Like, there's enough evidence now. It's funny that you use the cup. I always use the ocean. I'm like, if you put enough fresh water in the ocean, it will dilute the salt. But what you can't do and what everybody tries to do, you're not going to take the salt out. So once these things are in your brain. Right. I find a lot of people want to like, erase the things that are in there. I'm all for like, if you want to override some thoughts, we can absolutely do some work around that. And it's much faster and your brain rebels less when we're just doing and when we're just kind of like diluting what's already there. When we're just shifting it to the side and saying, okay, this is a part of my human experience. And yeah, I had a period of time where I had a lack of self confidence or self loathing or whatever, but look how much bigger the rest of this stuff is that I've put here. We don't have to go in and undo everything that ever existed before to get really big payoff.

Yeah, I think that's so important. I hope people hear that again. It's just this, like, you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. We all have these things. And that's to recognize too. I think some people are like, well, I don't know, you must just not have these negative thoughts. Like, no, babe, I've just figured out how to ignore them and to just overpower them with positive thoughts most of the time. Which I would love your perspective on this. Like, let's talk about delulu is the solulu and also like toxic positivity. Because sometimes I'm like, like, am I a little bit toxic positivity? Because I am like, you know, the sky could be falling and I'm like, it's probably for the best, but I'm definitely like an overly optimistic human being. So I would love your take on like delulu is the salulu toxic positivity. Like, where's the line in your mind?

So I love the idea of being delusional. My one on one program is called delusional by design. So like we're delusional on purpose. We get really delusional because in my brain it's only delusional until you've figured it out. It's only like delusional because it hasn't been for you yet. So it feels delusional. It feels crazy. It feels like it's unattainable. But that's only until we chart the course and figure it out and like we get there. Right. So I'm all for like, be super delusional. And I think delusional comes with a line that people Forget to ensure there's alignment. Why are we being this delusional? Not because I care how big you want to dream or I care whatever wild goal you have. And is it actually reflective of who you are and who you want to be and how you want to live? Because I think sometimes we adopt delusional goals from other people because we see how they feel when they get them. That I do. Delusional by design. The by design part is, is this an intentionally designed delusional goal for you? Authentically you not what worked for me. What worked, you know, for anybody else that you might see? Why is this for you? Why is this your delusional goal? And as long as we can tether it to your values and how you want to experience your life, which is my favorite question for all people ever. Like, if you don't know how you want to experience things, you have no setting a goal, you know, even trying to grow. Because emotions are the whole point of the human experience. Right? So that's kind of my thoughts on delusion. When it comes to toxic positivity, there is a line for me, and I think where the line is, again, is about authenticity and is about am I using it for avoidance? So where I see toxic positivity going too far is if we're invalidating like a snap emotion. So if you don't get what you want as an example and your first emotion is sadness or anger or whatever, if we feel unsafe in our own skin validating that emotion because we are afraid that we will lose ourself in it, we may use too much positivity as an avoidance tactic to go, I just don't even wanna be in relationship with that emotion. Like, I don't even want to acknowledge that I felt disappointed even for a moment. So I'm just gonna go, oh, no, this is fine. Everything is fine. This is gonna be great. Will it work? Sure. Because we're diluting, you know, how we actually felt. And I'm a big fan at negative cluster of emotions for what they're there to tell us and like, using them as an indicator light not to wallow in them, not to spend more time in them, anything like that. But more to go, okay, am I disappointed in this just because I wanted it so badly and I'm judging myself? If we can get underneath a negative emotion, we don't need quite as much of the positivity to like, woo, woo, hype ourselves up. And other times, full disclosure sitting in those is not gonna help us. We already know, right? Like, we already Know why we're disappointed. We already understand that. And so if we need to fake it till we make it to a degree for most people who are doing any type of mindset work or self development or coaching, you're gonna limit yourself naturally from how woo woo, rah rah, fake happy you can really get because your brain is going to understand. There's only so much of this that's real. There's only so much of this that we're borrowing from future selves. So I find that a lot of people that exist kind of in the same space as you and I are in, they know their upper limit of when it becomes too toxic and can keep themselves reined in.

Okay, I love that you explain it like that. I definitely don't think I'm toxic positivity after you mention that. But I do think I have a quick bounce back rate where like I'm like, that sucks or like something happens and then kind of your point. I think a lot of us probably are getting very self aware of a lot of this stuff. So it's like, oh, okay. And then I'm just back in my all right, well, well, what's next? You know? And then I'm like, it didn't work out because I bet it wasn't for me. Something was gonna happen. All these, all these stories we tell ourselves. Then I'm like, there's a better thing waiting.

I love it. I would raise you on that too. And say people who have really good self trust, we tend to be able to sit in that a little bit more because we understand that it's not that we made the wrong choice. It's that you don't control every outcome. And the thing that speaks the most volume about us is how am I in relationship with the outcome? Because that gives us a new fork in the road. Right? Like we made a decision based on a fork. We went this way. We didn't get exactly what we wanted. Now we've got a new fork. Fork. One we can be. Woe is me. Wallow in this. Waste my cognitive energy on, you know, how much it sucks or I can validate that it sucked and I can go marching in the next direction, which then leads me to my next decision point.

Yeah, I love that. I feel like self trust is the ultimate. So much power comes from that. And it's not, you know, when I talk about often betting on yourself, right? Betting on myself, for example. It's not that I think everything's gonna work out perfectly the way that I am envisioning it and you know, dreaming. But I trust myself enough to know that no matter what happens, it'll be okay. Even if my business blows up in flames overnight, I'll figure it out, I'll be okay. It'll suck, you know, and I think that that's really powerful. Like, let's talk about why do women have such a hard time with self trust and how can we start to help them build more self trust? Because it is a skill, it is something that you can absolutely get good at. So let's talk about that a little bit.

So I have a six year old daughter and so this conversation is one that comes up often for me. Just observing how she operates in the world outside of my house. Because in my house we do low key coaching. My parenting style is coaching. Like a lot of it is that way, which is not how I was raised.

Grow up just like so well equipped with the world.

Right. She can handle so much stuff. But it's interesting the things that she absorbs and how even at 6 doesn't come from this house. The gender norms and the gender roles of like boys do this and girls do that and boys are better at this and girls don't do that. Down to sports and little things. It's not even true and she hasn't seen it either way. But because she's absorbing it from other people that are her peers that she likes, that she trusts, it starts to sink in as boys. This girl's that before I was a parent, I don't know that I quite wrapped my brain as deeply around how much it just exists, exists seemingly harmlessly in space. You know, six year olds and seven year olds, they're not doing it to put each other down necessarily, but it's what they believe because they're getting it from their households, from their cultural identities and from their belief systems. So I think it's interesting to acknowledge how much the frequency that I talked about earlier of truth is important because when she hears it enough at school, although she trusts me, it becomes an argument of like, yeah, but so and so said this, this, and they said it to me yesterday and on Monday and last time we were in gym class. And so we're fighting against the brain's mechanism to observe frequency as truth. So I'll start there with if you've got some stuff, even just knowing where it comes from can help you put speed bumps in your superhighway here. Like even just knowing, okay. I grew up in the type of household where men did this and women did this and I can acknowledge that that's part of my belief system. And then you just look at. Well, so scientifically, our hormonal cycle are not well supported in the systems that we're in. So when we don't feel good about certain things and we make choices from that place, we tend to lose self trust, which then comes back around. There's so many, like, little pops of misalignment with the way that we function uniquely and that so many of the systems. Remember Madison shared with you. I was in the Department of Defense for a long time, so I am very, very well versed on what it's like to be female in a system that is not designed for you.

Yeah, no kidding.

Like, no maternity leave. Like, so much stuff that I just. We could spend a whole episode just on that and we won't. But just thinking about all of these systems that were not built for the unique nuances of how we operate. And so when we're placed into situations that are so misaligned and we don't get a great result or, you know, we don't perform the way that somebody else said we should, our self trust erodes over and over again because most of us know when we're in a situation we shouldn't. I knew I should have bounced three years or four years earlier than I did, but I stuck around for almost 10 and can look back on it now and go, man, the way that I just quit on myself over and over again because I was in a system that wasn't designed for me. The way I just quit on myself when I knew that this was not supportive of who and how I wanted to operate. And then you have to heal from it, right? Like, then you have to give yourself compassion. This is the piece that I want all of y' all to hear. You have to forgive yourself for the systems that societally we've been told to operate in. And you have to forgive yourself for not seeing it until it got to such a point where you couldn't not see it. That's where self trust comes from for me. Is that like, hey, past self. What I'm not gonna do is give you a hard time. What I'm not gonna do is pick you apart for choices that you made with the information that you had. What I am gonna do is, is say, hey, girl, I got you now. And I took what you've been through, and I won't dishonor what you went through by continuing those old patterns and habits.

I think that's so good because we're all just living life for the very first time. You know, sometimes I feel like we forget that this is just all of our first times trying to figure this whole thing out. And we've got to give ourselves so much more grace. And I just love the way you said that of like, I'm not going to dishonor everything that you went through because. Because what you went through made you who you are and you get to do what that information, what you want, right? And that's where this, I think the awareness of like, you know, similar experience, like not listening to the intuition, not listening to the nudge. And then so much time goes by and you're like, oh, that's what that was. And I wish I would have trusted that. Now I'm. I'm gonna listen next time that that pops up. And everything that we're talking about doing this identity work, doing this self concept work, because you've gotta make sure that you do learn from it and you do change so that you don't end up back in the same pattern. And I think oftentimes people might just continue to repeat a lot of the same Pat. I feel like we hear this, right? You repeat the same lessons in life until you learn them. People just get stuck trying to learn a lot of the same lessons over and over and over again. And I think that maybe could erode self trust as well. You've gotta be like, okay, what do I need to learn from this? And then move forward. And then just that's, that's all it was, is an opportunity for you to learn that lesson.

Right? And so often it's as easy as like forgiveness, self compassion, looking at what you did before and going, wasn't my best work. And that's okay.

And would not 10 out of 10 wouldn't recommend doing that, right?

0 stars, none percent will I be promoting this particular behavior and none of us escapes it. Like I think that part of the lesson, whoever you're idolizing, whoever you think is out there and they're escaping the 5050 of life. There is no single person on this earth who is escaping the 5050 of life. It's just that everybody's 50% of the suck is unique and everybody's 50% of the success is unique. And it's just what we do with our 50% of the suck, how we be in relationship with ourselves and how you come back from it, right? Like how you decide to move forward and can tell you that the only way that my business did what it did as quickly as it did was heavy doses of self love, self compassion, and self forgiveness, which I'm a Virgo, a type oldest child. Those are not items in my pantry. We don't buy in bulk from Costco with any of those things. Okay? But they are the reason I was able to come out of one career pivot completely. And I know this is a lot about finances. I own houses. I own a storage company. I have a farm. Like, your girl is out here working. But we had to get over the hump of I forgive you for sitting still in a toxic job for a decade. I forgive you for not leaning into your intuition. And not only do I forgive you, but feeling safe enough to go in and to notice what that felt like. And this is a piece that I think a lot of y' all are probably missing. If you don't give yourself self love and self compassion, there is no way in hell that you can go back and look at when you knew safely so that you can notice before it happens again. You have to feel safe to be able to go back in time and say, oh, that time my boss said I was too pretty to send me to this place to brief that time that this one told me that I was wrong. And then exactly the thing that I said played out and, you know, catastrophe. You have to be safe enough in yourself and forgive yourself so that you can go back and say, where did I feel that? How did I know? How did it show up in my system? Because, y', all, if you're moving from self judgment and self criticism, you're not gonna have access to that memory. You're not gonna have access to the depth of that. Your brain's gonna go, nope, you may not have that. That sucks. We will not be revisiting that. But you need it.

Oh, that's such a good reminder. Like, you've gotta feel safe and you've gotta get still. Like, if you're constantly in this, like, fight or flight mode, or you're constantly go, go going, you don't actually get a chance to reflect. And I think a lot of people are stuck in that mode, more so than they recognize, like, keeping them kind of trapped in there. But I'd love to talk about your business because obviously you built a very successful business and coming out of the dod, like, what that transition into business, what is your take on what does it take? What does it take to be successful in today's age and to build? Everyone has their own version of success. Obviously, like you mentioned, you have the homes. I know you've got a Beautiful family, you've got the, all this stuff. Yeah. And building a business is hard. So you've done it in corporate, you've had success. Then in the business world, you created your own business, a seven figure business, which is absolutely no small fee. And I know you did it without a lot of like ads, funnels, we talked about that. But what does it take to be successful through your lens of what you've been able to see?

Yeah. So I think all of the common knowledge, like I'm not anti funnels or any of that. Great. I love all of that. And none of that will work, right. I know that you have shared this with your audience too. You can have all of the fancy bells and whistles and none of it will work if you don't have the baseline and the mindset work. And I think the upside of being in the Department of Defense for as long as I was is I had already been through some of the most stressful, peaceful, scariest, hardest stuff. I did five tours to Afghanistan. Like I did the things I have been, the places done the things I used to chase terrorists. Like your girl was out there talking about the Taliban and writing about the Taliban. Like that's what I used to do, briefing congressmen and ambassadors. So for me, I took what I had already been through and stressors and resilience and I went, you know, if I could do that, guess what? We could build a business doing something that we actually really love. Doing something where somebody else doesn't get to tell me my earning capacity, how much money I'm going to make, what I'm allowed to do, who I'm allowed to work with. No. So I used the things that I really hated about what I was coming out of and instead celebrated them and turned them into the fuel and the excitement for building a business. And all of you have stuff that you have been through that's hard, that's complicated, that already shows you you've got what it takes. It's your job to figure out how you repackage it. It's all the same. I tell everybody the details are not the details. Right. Like every skill breaks down to a subset of skills that you have. Briefing Congressman is not so different than getting on a podcast or coaching my clients. It's got lots of similar kind of subsets, but on the surface you'd go, wait, it used to be an intelligence analyst in the DOD and now you coach spicy content creators and entrepreneurs and Google execs? Like, I'm not seeing that. Right. Like, same, same. But it's not about that. And so you all have, you're not looking deep enough ingredients. I'm going to, I'm going to give you a good example here. Cake is not made up of cake, right? Yes, it's made up of ingredients and all of them are important and they come in different amounts and depending on the cake you're trying to bake. But you have em in your pantry already. So if, if you can remember that about business, if you can remember that most of what you need you already have and the few specialized things that you don't, you can get from somebody who has it and knows it really well. The self trust there to like put the ingredients together. I would say that that's how I jumped into a multimillion dollar property portfolio, seven figure business. All of the things without being burnt out, without being stressed out, just jump.

It's so funny. Yeah. You're saying like oh the DOD and then running a business, all this stuff you're like same same. But it's funny to think about. I think a lot of people do get really trapped or hung up on the fact. Right. Career change. Like I even think of corporate tech sales to money coach. To me I love hearing you say that because I'm like my job now is very different but also there's a lot of similarities and this job really did prepare me for this job in so many ways that you wouldn't expect respect. But like we're all picking up fundamental skills, actual skills in the world and, and our own individual skills. And you can use those skills for a lot of things. You know, it's not just like we put ourselves in this box because that's what society loves to do is put us in these boxes. But like look at your tools through a new lens. How could you go take this exact same skill and use it in so many other ways to monetize, to find fulfillment. Whatever it is that you're after, it doesn't have to, it doesn't have to look the same. And so I love that you said that because I think that's a really important call out of like you have it, you have it. You just gotta go figure out how you wanna use it now.

Yeah. And that is speed because that will keep you from. I love courses and workshops. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of degrees. I love I'm an education file for sure. And starting with self and really looking at what you've already got in your toolkit and what you already can do and getting creative and Resourceful about that. Probably why I came out of corporate the DOD and replicated my salary and then built my, you know, six figure business first year out with a newborn by the way because I didn't go looking to be new. I didn't go looking, oh, I need this skill, I need that skill. I need branding, I need this, I need that. I went, nope, I'm really good at these things. Let's figure out how what I'm already really good at is going to get me where I need to be and it has not let me down in the seven years of being an entrepreneur.

That is such a good lesson. Also just the self trust and like you will figure it out because it is super easy. Like speaking from experience here, being a new business owner of oh I need this, I need this, I need this, I need this. So like what we're talking about is actually actually a saving tactic because when you have the self trust that you don't need all of these things. Like if I were to look back on the last couple years of how much money I've spent and now I, now I know which whatever like now I know you know but like you don't know until you know that like you didn't really didn't need to spend a lot of money on a lot of things that I spent a lot of money on. But you're filling this void of like do I know enough? Do I have enough like all of that? And so it really does that comes back down to self trust. And like of course you need different things as a business owner saying on anything but like when you are grounded in the way that you're talking about it, you recognize you need less of those things to fill up because you're bringing more to the table. And I think that a lot of women are really missing or lacking recognizing how much we are already bringing to the table and how incredible I think women are at being business owners and being resourceful.

And if we trust that it comes back to self trust. If you trusted yourself to step into everything that you already are, you would stop outsourcing it. But the piece that I will leave you all with on that particular topic is that people will prey on that, right? Like that's what so many people online are preying on. They know you don't trust yourself, they know that you think you can't do it and so they're trying to feed you every bit of information, every bit of well just learn this thing, just download this hooks document, just do this, just do that. And you will keep spending money when it doesn't work because you'll think that it's you, but the system is rigged because it's not working for your strengths. It's not leaning into what you can already inherently do. And the system will prey on that. And, you know, you don't need it.

You don't need it, you don't need it. I love that I recently had the realization that I was like still downloading random freebies and all. And I'm like, why am I doing this? I don't need this information. And this is just fulfilling this self concept of my version of myself, who's a beginner. And I'm like, baby doll, we are years ahead of this. You just kind of get into that habit and you're like, oh, I'm intrigued. What do they got? What do they got? But it is filling from a subconscious level that you don't know enough. And then you act from point of view. So that's like such a micro example, I feel like, of how I've had to call myself out recently of how they get you. You know, they really. I'm like, they, we're in it, we're here. But you know what I mean? We're not trying to get you people. We're just trying to get you richer and wealthier and healthier and happier. I'm curious, last question for you is really just around like, what do you say to the girl who just constantly gets caught in this, like, waiting to feel ready trap? Because I think that's so prevalent. Like, once I. Then I will. Right? And this could be once I hit this financial milestone, then I'll feel ready to invest. This could be once I have a little bit more confidence, then I'll take that leap. Like this is such a common thing. So I would just love to hear your take on it. And like how to help somebody get over that hump.

Yeah. So whenever I coach somebody through that, the question I ask them is what emotion they're thinking like they're gonna feel. Are we waiting for confidence? Ready is actually an emotion, which means it can be curated and created. So we always start. This comes back to what I said a little while ago about emotions. If you take nothing else away from this, emotions are the most important part of everything. Because as humans, we are running towards or away from an emotion in everything we do. Right down to the type of tea that I'm drinking right now. Right. It's about how I want it to feel. Cause it was called Winter solstice Right? I was like, ooh, winter. That was an emotional experience. You wouldn't think that tea is emotional, right? In my red Christmasy sweater trying to summon the snow gods in Tampa. So I always call forward the emotions and then we do the emotional work. We stop with the if then causal relationship crap and we go to hey, if the point is the emotion, why can't we just call that in? Now let's figure out the last time you felt that. Where else in your life do you feel that? What would it take to start feeling that emotion here without endlessly waiting for a result? Because the idea of enough and readiness. Like they're not destinations on the map that you arrive to, they are choices that you make. But we have to practice. Feelings also have to be practiced. Just like mindset work isn't just going to magically happen. For most of us, we were told the tether of emotions, right? We were given the emotional stack. Oh well, you can only feel confident if you're thin. You can only feel happy if you're married. You can only this, if that. So we gotta break em apart and we gotta do the emotional work of. Do you even know where happy shows up for you? Do you even know like where confidence feels in your system? Do you know how to summon it on demand? Because if you don't, you will forever be playing somebody else's game instead of going, I don't need to be debt free to feel confident. I'm gonna put on that dress that makes me feel confident and then I'm gonna use that confidence to get off Amazon. I'm gonna use that confidence to do the thing right. So emotions, please do your emotional work. It's not woo woo, it's not Vibey, it's neuroscience and nervous system and cognition. Please do your emotional work.

Please people, listen, I've been yapping about this for a minute. It's so real. I just did a whole presentation around 90% you guys, of the decisions that we make with our money. It's emotion. It's not a game of anything other than understanding how to identify and control your emotions in a positive way. And once you realize that, you're like.

Oh, it's a hack, it's a hack. And logic, fun fact, logic is also informed by emotion.

Oh, talk about that. Elaborate on that a little bit.

So if we think about when we make decisions from logic, you are hoping to feel safe, confident, right? Like whatever, you're seeking an emotion. So you have started that thought process from well, I don't want to feel Flighty. I don't want to feel like I'm making this decision because I'm only seeking to do X, Y, Z thing. All of that is emotions. Y'.

All.

All of that. It feels like it's not. Oh, well, it's just logical. Logical comes from where? Because if it comes from your thoughts, guess where it also comes from your emotions. Because although thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are autonomous, they're also endogenous and they're always spinning each other. So logic is informed by the emotions that you think you're going to feel by taking the behaviors that you think are logical.

It's.

It's still an emotionally informed situation.

Yeah. And again, it's like logic is one of those things where it's like, to who? Like, what do you think makes sense? Doesn't. Might not make sense to me, like a decision. You're like, there's so much logic here. I'm like, you sound batshit crazy. All comes back to, again, that conversation of just like, the beliefs and everything too. It's just like your truth isn't necessarily factual. And that's a really important thing to recognize that just because you're walking through life with this belief system, these emotions, all of this, like, that doesn't mean, like, you can. Yeah, you made it all up when you were a child with an unformed brain. Like, let's start to challenge some of that stuff as an adult.

I am so glad you said that. I tell clients all the time, like, the only thing that's fact is colors and numbers. And we made that shut up too.

So you just saw someone say that there's studies that, like, humans don't actually see colors the same either. Like, I know we have colorblind people, but, like, you and I could be seeing a very different red on your sweater right now. And that's truth for me. Yeah, all. It's all made up. It's literally all made up.

Right. Which is the best and worst thing you've ever heard.

Which, honestly, yeah, it could be like, oh, this is great. And also really like, oh, my God. So nothing matters. Like, what do I do with that information? I love that so much. I could talk about this all the time. I think I just want really people to understand the importance of this work. And you've said so much in here, but, like, this is not woo. This is neuroscience. And they've been talking about this stuff for a while, but we are like, really a lucky generation to be able to actually capitalize on this stuff and utilize it to our benefit. And I think this is the secret sauce. This is the thing that's missing. And again, I talk about it all the time, but this is what's missing from the personal finance conversation. You cannot just budget your way to a better life. You've got to embody the version of yourself that wants to treat money differently so it doesn't feel like a sacrifice because it's not anymore. Because you actually don't want to spend your money going out to the bar or eating garbage food anymore because that's not who you are.

Right, Right. So the whole level, it's a vibe.

Literally the whole up level. Okay, well you know, you and I can talk about this all the time and we probably will keep talking about this all the time, but please tell everybody, where can they find you? How can they work with you? Pimp yourself out so that we can come into your world and everyone can up level their self concepts.

Yeah, so I'm one of those weirdos that like I don't have huge sales pages and funnels and all that stuff. But you can find me on the Instagram, which is exciting because I didn't used to live on Instagram in my job. So you can find me on Instagram at C Parko. I'm still old school. I answer my own dms, I answer my own emails. I love human connection and to talk to people. I don't take a huge, huge client roster so that I can really just spend one on one time in connection with folks. I have two different containers that exist. If you're looking to up level mindset, you want to dive deeper into any of the topics that I've talked about. I see clients one on one and I just launched a brand new program for my entrepreneurs and experts in the house. If you're looking to learn how to coach without having to go through a full blown coaching certification, which I also do. I'm not just one of those people who's like, let me teach you how to coach. I accredit full blown certified coaches as well. But I've created a 90 day. I love 90 days days. It's got a lot of science behind it, but I love 90 days. A program to take you from an expert at whatever thing to how do I use coaching to become a better, better salesperson to get my clients better results, all of those things. So maybe you want to work one on one, maybe you want to do some group growth learning how to coach in your business. But that's what I've got on tap at the moment.

I love that. I love that you're doing that work because obviously being in the coaching world, like just because you call yourself a coach doesn't mean that you are a good one, you know. And the people that want to be coaches, they are such well intentioned people. So for you to be able to close that gap for them, I absolutely love that. And we need more of this work because you and I both know how important and impactful this is, obviously.

So let's get women making money.

Thank you so much for being here. You guys. If you got anything out of this conversation, please go follow Chelsea on Instagram, shoot her a dm, let her know where she came, where you guys came from, if there was any solid takeaways, wins. If you are ready to up level your self concept, let us know in the DM DMS what you are going to do and what how this episode is helping you accomplish those goals. And I cannot wait to see you guys all on the next episode. And Chelsea, again, thank you so much for being here with us today.

Thank you for having me. This was so fun.

So fun. All right, see you guys next time.