Live Q&A: FINAL CALL to Transform Your Love Life
Matthew Hussey answers live questions about dating and relationships, focusing on nervous-system patterns and confidence. He's promoting a two-day Love Life Retreat in Miami (October 18-19) discounted from $4,000 to $195, plus three free months of his AI coaching program, with a midnight deadline.
Live on YouTube, Facebook. All right, everybody, we are live gonna be answering some questions, checking in with everybody. Leave me a comment once you're here. Haven't been live in a minute. So it's nice to see you and get some time together today. Let me know where you're watching from in the world. Let me know what's on your mind. How are you feeling right now? Leave me a comment and let me know how you're feeling. What's on your mind? What would you like to ask me? Let's do some live questions. I want to dialogue with you guys. What's up, Tina? How are you in San Francisco? Hi, Lee. I'm good, thank you. I'm doing well. Hi, Twyla in Canada. Nonia, what's going on? All right. And feel free to start instantly dropping questions you have. Maybe we can get some early questions going to start us off. Hunts and herbs. What's going on? Good to see you. We got South Africa here. Chicago. Tracy. Hello to you, Anna. First time welcome. Thanks for being here. All right, drop me a question. Maybe I'll get us started. Maybe I'll get started with just a question to you. Where do you feel a either a lack of confidence or the way that your nervous system is wired is holding you back in your life or your love life? How does it show up? Because we all have deep patterns that affect us in our life. We have, you know, the way we've grown up and the way that has made us around other people, the formative relationships in our life and the way they have, they are making us approach relationships. We all have wiring. Some of our wiring serves us and some of our wiring really hurts us. So where do you think your lack of confidence or your wiring, your emotional or nervous system wiring is hurting you when it comes to your life or your love life? Let me know in the comments. Valerie says being too giddy. Yeah, that's a classic response. How many people here feel like I get too giddy? I get over invested. I immediately like start. My imagination goes crazy over someone and then I start to over invest. How many people feel like they do that? It too Malang says no longer interested in dating. I mean that itself can be a response to pain in our lives, right? We say I'm just done with this. I can't deal with this anymore. I can't handle what I have to deal with with people. Let's see what else we've got going on here. We got Instagram live with us as well. Shout out to everyone who's Here from Instagram, by the way, if you're on Instagram or Facebook comment access. And I'll make sure you have a link to the discounted tickets to the retreat, which end tomorrow. So will you get on board with that? I'll explain more in a minute. For everyone else, you can go to retreat access.com to get those tickets. All right, we're just bringing Tick Tock live right now as well, so I can see all of you on Tick Tock. Let's see. I'm just waiting to pull up these TikTok comments right now. Let's pull up some Instagram comments real quick. Quick. And see what's going on there. So Vian says, I feel a lack of confidence when I am waiting for them to respond back to me. I overcompensate and then over message. Yeah. Anyone relate to that one? Over compensating and then over messaging and then regretting the messages you send. Anna says, I have a hard time letting go, and the heartbreak is deep. So you have a hard time letting go of someone. That's a very, very common pattern. Lavinia says hi. Lavinia says, not giving too much away. The total opposite to how you are in friendships. Yeah, well, when we've struggled to trust in our intimate relationships, we're afraid to give too much, and then we start holding back, and then people don't necessarily see the real us anymore, do they? And so there we end up in this kind of catch 22 where we're afraid to give too much because we don't want to be taken advantage of. And we want to feel safe before we give a lot to someone. But when we give too little, someone never really sees what's great about us, so they don't get that attracted in the first place. So we never really feel safe with anyone. All right, let's see what questions we've got. And also, the comments on Tick Tock are dark. Oh, you're fixing that. Okay. All right, great. All right, let's see what we got in the private chat. So this is from Tick Tock. Amber says, am I overthinking or am I just not that into him? Am I overthinking or am I just not that into him? Can we put that one on the screen as well for a second? And actually, anytime we haven't got a question on the screen, let's throw that link up for people just so that they know where to find it. Am I overthinking or am I just not that into him? You, I always Think it's important to look at how much patterns show up in our lives in general. Is this a pattern that follows you into every situation in your love life? Do you find that there's always something wrong with someone and that often they're very superficial things, they're things that don't really matter? In which case it might be that there's not just a pattern of overthinking, but a pattern of not trusting yourself in decisions or a pattern of anxiety that stops you from making decisions in the first, in the first place. You know, maybe you're not giving things a real chance, and that's something that you should look at. It's also entirely possible that you're not that into this person. But I think that we, we have to ask ourselves, is this a pattern in my life or is this something I feel around this person that's not as common in my life? If someone's really into you, but you just can't get excited about them, and that's not how you are in general in life, it's just how you are with this person, then you're probably not that into them. But if you find that this is happening with one person after another in your life, then there's a very good chance that this is coming from something deeper. And that's worth exploring because there are plenty of people who never have long term relationships, who never find themselves in something real and lasting because they're constantly questioning themselves, they're never trusting their decisions, or they're terrified that they're going to make the wrong decision. And so they're always holding back. Let me know if you relate to that. Peach says, is this live? Yes, it is live. We have a question here from Instagram, from Positive Talks. Just coming out of a relationship with a toxic partner. Let me see if I can. Where is my mouse? They changed. Just coming out of a relationship with a toxic partner. I am 36 and trying to get over it, but feeling so much pressure because of my age and wanting to have a family. How do I avoid the pressure? This is a really big question. Um, and I'm. I'm sorry that you. That you're in the place you're in where, you know, once you've had a toxic partner like that, it can really damage your trust and it can really make you scared of getting back out there again after that. It can make you need to take some time to heal. And I, I don't. The. In many ways, the worst case scenario is that you rush because of your panic. About your age, you rush to get back out there again and to meet someone, and then three months from now, you're with someone who's completely wrong for you. It's another toxic situation. Because by the way, those kinds of people, they capitalize on people who are in a desperate place in their life. They capitalize on people who they have leverage over. And if you're coming to the table like, you know, I need you because of my age, and you're communicating that consciously or unconsciously, verbally or non verbally, someone is going to feel that energy and they're going to feel that they have leverage. And we have to be really careful because the, the wrong people, when they sense that leverage, will take advantage of it. So it. I would take enough space, you don't have to take years off of dating, but I would take enough space that you can step back and get your bearings again, fight, find your center again. Get connected to what you really want going forward, what you're really going to value going forward. Value. Learn about your patterns. What was the pattern that got me into this situation, and what was the pattern that made me stay in this situation? And when you learn those patterns, you're going to. That's going to be a level of insight and awareness that's going to have a real ripple effect on the rest of your life and the choices you now make. And then when you come into dating again, at least you're coming in from a more stable footing. If you go straight in now, there's a good chance you go in off balance. And if you're off balance, someone can take advantage of that in terms of, you know, wanting to have a family. I would first get your fertility. Fertility checked. I would actually get information. Information is power. Where am I right now? Like, do. Am I healthy? Am I, you know, is, is my body producing eggs? What's my egg count? Like, what's happening here? I think it's really, really important for you to do that because when you do that, you're then able to say, okay, the doctor is telling me I don't have as long as I thought. Or the doctor is telling me I have longer than I thought now I can start to make some decisions. And those decisions get to be around. What's my plan B? If I don't meet someone immediately or, or in the next three years or in the next five years, what's my plan B? Do I do this by myself? If I don't meet anyone, Am I prepared to do that? Is that something I'd like to do? Is that something I wouldn't like to do? Knowing what your plan B is gives you power. Especially if you know at a certain point I'm going to take this into my own hands. Maybe you decide to go down the route of egg freezing. I know not everyone can because of the cost of it, but maybe you do. All of these things are really important calculations to make. So what I would be doing right now is rather than saying, how do I avoid the pressure, I would be saying, I. I'm. My. I'm. This voice inside me is telling me that having children is a really important goal for me. So let me take that goal for a moment in isolation and check, check in with my body, with where I am, what's possible, and what my likely timeline is. And then I can come back to dating having made some decisions. Decisions about whether I can do this alone or whether I need a person for this. How long am I willing to wait for someone to come along? All of that allows you to actually relax a little because at least you've taken it into your own hands. I could talk about this for a long time because it's a big subject, but taking your taking that decision into your own hands and not just going out into dating now in a desperate and scared way is really, really important. Because if you go into it in a desperate and scared way, people are going to take advantage of that. I want to tell you guys, before I go any further, I'm going to answer more questions. Don't worry. But before I go any further, we are, we have a promotion on right now for live retreat tickets. My live retreat is happening in just a couple of weeks on the 18th, 19th of October. So many of you are already on board, many of you already know this by now, but you don't have to be there in person with us in Miami where it's taking place. We have a virtual ticket that you can get so that you can watch it from anywhere in the world. And we have tickets on sale right now with an offer that ends tomorrow. Firstly, we have discounted tickets. We have up to 500 off if you want to join me in the room. But you also can get a virtual ticket for a free fraction of the price so that you can watch it from home. I'm giving everyone who joins before tomorrow 90 days of free membership to my love life coaching program where you get unlimited access to Matthew AI. You get me live coaching you every month. You have the Modern Dating Playbook, which is an entire journey I created for anyone who's tired of dating right now and is feeling it so hard. You're sick of dating apps. It feels fruitless. It feels hopeless. This is my complete guide to dating in the modern era. Even if you don't want to use dating apps and if you do, it's fine. You can combine everything I coach you in to use it with those. But it's a really powerful program and it's the most powerful place I've created for anyone who wants help in their love life. Whether you're looking for love or trying to get over heartbreak or trying to heal from the past, it is the place where I help people do that. And what I've been saying to people for months now is the retreat and the Love Life coaching program, they are a really good pairing because once you've done the retreat, the retreat is where we get control of your emotions and your confidence, your deeper work that needs to be done. But once you've done that deeper work, when you come out of the retreat, you're ready for all of my advice in your love life and you start to put it into action in a completely different way. So what I've been saying to people is just trust me on the love life stuff. When you come to the retreat, the love, like your love life will move forward in new ways that are really exciting to you. Just get yourself to the retreat and I'll gift you 90 days on the love life coaching program on me so that you can keep me as your coach. After the retreat, you get access to Matthew AI. You get my whole library of programs that are for Love Life members only. It's an amazing place to be and you get it all for getting a ticket right now. So if you're thinking of coming to my retreat or joining from home, get your ticket before tomorrow. Comment access if you're on Instagram or Facebook and I'll send you a link if you are anywhere else. Tick tock. YouTube watching this. Go here and let's just leave that link up for everyone. Retreat access.com. we'll just leave that on the screen so all of you know where to get it. I see Mary on Instagram, you said, I can't wait. I already signed up for the retreat. Vip. That's amazing. I can't wait to see you. This is gonna be the deep work, guys. For those of you who are like, I suspect that there are ways I'm getting in my own way in my love life. This is the deep work we're going to be doing on the 18th and 19th of October and anyone. If you like my work, if you like me as a mentor, if you like my voice, the way I speak about these issues. The retreat is the deepest work I do. It is the deepest work I do on our confidence, the deepest work I do on our emotional patterns, on our nervous system. If you struggle with your nervous system, with self doubt, with people pleasing, with never feeling good enough, with over investing in people, with doubting yourself in dating or in relationships, this is where we do the deep work to put the foundation of confidence back into your life so that you can go out there and use that as a. As a springboard for everything you want in life, including in love. So it's. It's the most powerful work I do, and most of you have never experienced it. I want you to come and experience it again. The tickets are hugely discounted right now, and you get the 90 days on the Love life coaching program completely free after the retreat just for getting a ticket right now, even if you get it virtually. And by the way, if you can't be there on the 18th and 19th, it doesn't matter. You get two weeks to watch the recordings if you get a virtual ticket. So if you get the virtual ticket and you have plans that weekend, you still have two weeks to watch the whole thing. All right, very good, Lavinia saying it's brilliant. Thank you, Lavinia. I really appreciate you. Um, let's get some more questions, hmm. From Instagram Chapstick. Casey says, I've been in a new relationship for two months. I feel like he can't really open up emotionally. How long should I wait? I need more closeness than he does and I want to meet more often. This is immensely common and it's. There's always a point in a relationship where you have to say, I'm not looking for perfect, but what is the baseline of what I need in order to be happy? You know, like, think about it for a moment, for a moment. Don't worry about losing this person. And what would happen if I was on my own again and I had to go back into dating? You have to ask yourself, is the baseline of what I'm getting here something that could sustain me for a lifetime? And if the answer is I, it's not even sustaining me this week, let alone for the rest of my life. Like, this would be torture to be in for another 50 years, then that's something you have to pay attention to. And then. And it's something you can't ignore. So. Right. That doesn't mean you're leaving this person. But it does mean something's got to shift. This isn't working the way that it's set up right now. So then I would say, and by the way, your relationship is young, it's two months old. So you're not talking about. I'm in a three year marriage and I'm trying to figure out whether to get a divorce. You're only two months in. So it matters how the state of this right now matters. Right. In some ways you can argue this might be the best it's ever going to be. That's not always true, but it's often true. Right? This is the most attention this person is likely to give you. This is the most polite they're going to be. This is the most they're trying is in these first two months. So, okay, he struggles to open up emotionally. Why is that? Where does that come from? Is it something that under where if you give understanding to him, it helps if you sit and talk with him. Can I, I, I want to understand you better because, you know, I, I, I struggle with that a bit because I'm a very emotionally open person and I enjoy being able to talk about, you know, what I'm feeling. I enjoy knowing what you're feeling. It doesn't feel good for me to kind of have no idea what you're feeling because, and that might be true. I don't know if that's true for you or not, but let's say you were someone who got very anxious and this person never shares. Well, that's a bad combination. If you get anxious and they never share, then you live in your head about what everything means all the time. So if you're anxious, you need a communicative person, not someone who's especially bad at communication. And then you said, I need more closeness than he does and you want to meet more often. Have you communicated that to him? That this, the amount that you're meeting right now, just, it, it's not enough for you? Like, you really value being close in a relationship and you totally understand the need. It's really important always to say to someone because sometimes when we're arguing our case, we, we, we can almost overdo it to the point where it sounds like we want to be together 24 7. But if we can say to someone, look, I need more closeness than this, I respect alone time. I respect the fact that there's time where you may want space, I want to give that to you. I want to be a teammate for you in that I Want to make sure that you're meeting your needs in this relationship. So this isn't me saying that we can't have space apart or time apart, but the amount of quality time we have together right now doesn't work for me. And I want to talk about it because I don't want it to become a bigger and bigger thing. Especially because, you know, we're. We're two months in. I want to. You know, it should. This should be the fun stage. But right now, I just don't feel like I'm getting enough of you. All right, let's keep going. And remember, by the way, you're two months in. If something's not like, give it, by all means, give it a chance. Communicate. But in the right relationship, when you communicate, things get better. In the wrong relationship, when you communicate, things get worse or they stay the same. What happens if you actually communicate? Let's see. From YT, this from YouTube. Fast, fast English says, your videos helped me get into a deep or get into a relationship, a great relationship, and fall in love. Thank you so much for that. You're so welcome. Thank you for being here. All right, there's some big questions in here. This is a big one. Amanda says, just found out my boyfriend cheated on me. He was drunk, but should I forgive? That's the kind of question that before I even answer, there's going to be tons of comments telling you you shouldn't forgive, because this is a very, very emotive and charged subject. And people who have been through situations like this are often, they feel the most triggered by a question like this because they feel like they've been there and, you know, they. They've. Maybe they did forgive and it didn't get any better. You know, maybe they forgave, and three months later they found out he did the same thing again. There will be people that tell you that if you forgive someone, you're just telling them that they can do it again. And. And they'll learn that they don't lose you if they cheat. The reality is it's not always true. You know, some people don't. Some people cheat, and it's the worst mistake they feel they've ever made. And they spend a long time beating themselves up for it, and they have to do a lot of work to forgive themselves for it. And they, you know, it keeps them up at night, and they. They feel like they've risked something. That's one of the most important things in their life. You have to sit with this and ask yourself what you really know about this person? I. You know your boyfriend far better than I do, and you have to ask yourself, what kind of person am I dealing with here? Does this behavior track based on everything I know about them? In which case that's a problem? You know, if. If this behavior is. If I've always felt that they are a flirt, they are someone who crosses, like, comes really close to the line, they are disrespectful, they're dismissive of my feelings, they're entitled. And then this is like, just the furthest they've gone in those behaviors. They, you know, they crossed a line they never crossed before, but it kind of tracks with what you know. Then the answer is no. You know, like, forgiving would probably be a bad idea, or you can forgive, but staying would be a bad idea, because that's what we're really talking about, isn't it? You're not just talking about should I forgive? It sounds like you're talking about should I stay? And there's a difference between forgiveness and staying. You can forgive someone and decide that it would be a bad idea for you to stick around and wait for them to do it again. Or you might say, matthew, this is unlike this person in so many ways. And, you know, they've. They're. They've gone through a very bad time recently, or this has happened in our relationship, or what. Whatever. It doesn't excuse it. It's a horrendous betrayal to inflict on someone. You know, not everyone gets drunk and cheats. So let's acknowledge that. You know, the, the getting drunk and cheating is still getting drunk doesn't. It doesn't take away from the fact that their response to getting drunk was to give in to that temptation. There are plenty of people who get drunk and then don't give in to that temptation. You know, some people get drunk and they fight. You know, they go and punch somebody because they're drunk. But not everyone who gets drunk has the instinct to start becoming aggressive. So there's clearly something there as a response system that's dangerous for your relationship and for. For your mental health. I can't tell you whether you should forgive him or not. I think you have to search yourself and say, who is this person really? And does this align with what I know about them? Or is it a com. A real deviation from everything they've been up until this point? And if I forgive, Remember, it's not just if you stay. Let's change the word if you stay. It's not up to you. To trust him again right now, because you don't try. Why would you trust someone who just went out and cheated on you? The trust is broken. It's broken. So this isn't. Can I trust? This is. This person has all their work ahead of them in getting you to trust them again. And the question is, do they want to do that work? Are they committed to doing that work? And that's up to them to show you. That's not up to you to, to convince yourself of. And I see a lot of people who get cheated on who are trying to convince themselves that they should trust this person again, and they forget that it's actually up to the other person to convince them. It's not up to you to convince yourself that, that it can work. This is his job. It's not your. This is a key line I want everyone to remember. It is not your job to repair what somebody else broke. If someone else broke it, then time for you to. To grow up and do, do the work if you want to. If, if you break this, it's on you now to fix it. Is he showing you he's going to fix it? We'll see. That can't be shown in one night of groveling, by the way. It has to be shown in the months ahead and in some cases in the years ahead. In the way someone shows up in. In the relationship. It's going to take time. And he has to understand that it's going to take time because if he's hoping that you're just gonna bury this quickly and move on so that he doesn't have to feel guilty anymore and he hasn't, doesn't have to acknowledge what he's done and repair. Then you gotta. You've gotta leave. You need a. You like you need a man in this relationship who understands as an. As a grown up that he broke something. Now is his job to fix it, and that's going to take time. I know there will be people out there who just say you should leave in a situation like this, but the reality is life is complicated. And I never want to patronize you with easy or simple answers, but there are some things that are simple. And I'll tell you what is simple. It's not your job to repair or to fix what somebody else broke. Go to retreat. Access.com to get tickets for the retreat. Guys, this retreat is happening. What? What is it? It's September 29th. In, like two weeks, two and a half weeks, I will be leaving on a plane to Miami to get to the retreat to be with you all on that weekend. There will be nearly 2,000 people all over the world who are joining that retreat, who are part of this experience. We've got people who are going to be joining from Asia, Australia, London, all parts of Europe, Germany. We've got people joining from Latin America, we've got people joining from Canada. We've got people from all over America. People, people have been so excited about this for so long. And if you are watching this and you don't have your ticket, get it today because tomorrow at midnight the package deal ends where you don't just get your retreat ticket, you get three months of love life coaching for free by getting your ticket. So it's two. Those three months are worth $210 on their own and you're getting them for free. When you get a retreat ticket right now. And you don't even have to buy an in person ticket and come to Miami in order to get that. You can literally just get it a virtual ticket from wherever you are in the world. And if for any reason you can't make it on the weekend, you get to watch the recordings for two weeks. So you have two weeks to watch the entire program go to retreat access.com don't worry, I'm going to stay for a bit. I'm going to keep answering questions but I need you to know about this because this is going to be a really special event for anyone who's like I need to work on my relationship with myself. I need to work on my relationship with other people, especially in my love life. I need to work on my relationship with trust, with confidence. I need to work on my nervous system which gets triggered too easily and makes my life miserable. How many people here your nervous system makes you miserable. You get anxious, you're hyper vigilant, you find yourself looking for what's wrong. You're always afraid the other shoe is going to drop. You're afraid to invest or you over invest or you fawn, you people please or you go into a place of self doubt where you, you question your worth in a situation. You're afraid to speak up for yourself. Who here relates to any of this? These deeper patterns will affect us our entire lives if we don't fix them. If we don't work on these patterns, they'll control us. They will govern our decisions forever. And that's the thing that when I come to work with people so often people will ask me for superficial advice when it comes to dating or relationships. But I know that the real Answer is for them to do the deeper work that is constantly sabotaging them. The patterns that are sabotaging them, the self doubt that, sabotaging them, the overthinking that, sabotaging them. They're never feeling good enough. The constantly holding themselves back, the fear of rejection. So they never put themselves out there in the first place, you know, or just constantly questioning their value. How many of you out there just constantly question your value? You don't have that sense of certainty about who you are and what you have to bring and you know, how valuable you would be to someone's life. And we do this at work too. We do this everywhere, you know, we question our value. We have a giant question mark over our value constantly. And it holds us back from the life we could be living. If any of this describes you, this retreat is not about superficial advice. This retreat is about doing the deeper work that if we don't do it, it will hold us back forever. You'll never have the life you deserve. You'll never get the relationship you want. You'll get a relationship, but you'll, it'll be toxic. Or you'll end up in a relationship where you never feel good enough or you're always afraid someone's going to leave. You can't even enjoy it because of your emotional patterns. So with this retreat, these two days, we're going to take control of our emotions, we're going to get control of our nervous system, and we're going to build a deep foundation for confidence that you're going to take into the rest of your life. And I promise you, the reason that I'm giving you 90 days of love life coaching for free when you get your ticket is because I promise you, once you've laid that foundation of emotional well being and confidence and you've got control of your nervous system, once you've done that in the two days with me at the retreat, all of a sudden things are going to start happening in your love life. You're going to approach it differently because you'll be in a different place. So you won't just be using a technique or a strategy. You'll be coming from a different place in yourself. And that's why it works. I always say to people, if you're thinking of doing my love life programs, the best thing you can do first is, is my retreat. Because if you do my retreat and then you do my love life programs, your results in your love life are supercharged by using those programs. So the link is retreat access.com to get your ticket. The tickets that invol. The ticket that includes 90 days on my love life coaching group, which is being coached by me personally. In your Love life for 90 days is only available until midnight tomorrow. And as I said, if you can't come to be with me in Miami, there are still tickets available to join me in Miami. However, if you just want to do this from home and you don't want to make the trip, you don't want to get on a plane, you've got stuff going on right now that means you can't do it, that's okay. I just want you to do it. Guys, last year, this retreat cost $4,000. It cost $4,000 every year for the last 17 years. This is the first year that you can do this retreat for $195. My mission this year was everyone in my audience needs to do this. How can I take away the barriers to people doing this? And one of them was price. Not everyone can invest $4,000. So I was like, let's make it 195 and just get it to people. Some people can't travel. I'm like, fine, we'll create a virtual version of it, a virtual ticket so you can watch it. You'll be watching me live delivering for two days, but you'll be doing it from your home, wherever you are in the world. So I've removed every barrier that I can think of that could stop you from doing this. You're the one who has to say yes, though. So I. I have the tickets here@retreat access.com and if you're on Instagram or Facebook, just comment the word access and you'll get a little link in your DMs from me personally, giving you an invite to that page. I really, really, really hope you join us. This is the last day of this offer. It ends at midnight tomorrow night. So please jump on board while you have the chance. All right, let's see. What else do we have in the way of questions? Shout out to everyone watching this on Tick Tock right now. I appreciate you guys being here. Hi, Ignite52chakur. I see you commenting access on Instagram. Check your DMs right now. You should have something from me in your DMs. My amazing life says what happens on retreat. What happens is we spend two whole days with me coaching you nonstop. During that time, we go through a series of exercises that are designed to connect you to your worth, that are designed to build your confidence and tools to get control of your emotions. So day one is about the emotional tools and I'm going to take you through exercises I couldn't put in any book. Like I've put a ton of stuff in that book behind me right there. But I could not put this stuff in a book because it has to be felt, it has to be experienced. That's what we do on the retreat. And then on the Sunday on day two, it's all about your confidence. All right, sugar? Yushi says, would it be virtual? Yes, there is a virtual ticket. Just comment access. You'll see on the page there's a virtual ticket. You can do it from anywhere in the world. All right, let's see. Mariam says the guy I've dated or the guy I've started dating shows he likes me through nonverbal cues, but he doesn't verbally express his thoughts, as in no compliments, etc. How do I know if he likes me? I would share with him that there's two things that you can do behaviorally. One is called pre framing. The other is called post framing. Pre framing is where you actually share with someone, hey, it would mean the world to me if you did X. Right. If you, I know that you're not the most verbal person in the world. I don't expect you to like do a complete 180 and be speaking about your feelings all day, every day. But the thing that like really speaks to me the most and the thing that makes me feel the most special, loved, cared for by you is when you actually tell me what you're feeling or you tell me if you, if there's something you like about me or there's something you appreciate about me. If you tell me that stuff really, really makes a difference to me, it really helps. And, and I love it. You know, that is pre framing. Post framing is, hey, you know when you told me that the other day, that made me feel really special. I just want you to know when you say stuff like that, it means the world to me. So post framing and pre framing. Pre framing is when you set up what you'd like to happen. Post framing is when you look at, when you draw someone's attention to what you loved that they already did so that they don't just, you know, move past it without realizing how much it impacted you. Try both. Do both. And you know, you said, how do I know if he actually likes me? You said he shows it through non verbal cues. But just speak up about the fact that you really like it when he tells you things and also ask him like, what's what, you know, I'd love to know what you like about our relationship or what you like about our. Oh, you're not in a relationship. You said you've just started dating. I would be expressive with him. Like lead by example, be expressive with him, but invite him to be more expressive at the same time. But the one, especially in early dating, pre framing is really valuable and post framing is really valuable. So use both of them. Mitchie says, why can't you be in my ear in my earpiece 24. 7 It's funny because that's kind of literally what Matthew AI is. It's like having me in your ear 24. Seven in an earpiece. We have people who speak to Matthew AI for hours every single week talking about life challenges, dating challenges, relationship challenges, confidence challenges, working through heartbreak. So if you haven't tried Matthew AI, that is exactly me being in your ear. 24. 7 Again, a reminder for anyone who gets their retreat ticket before tomorrow at midnight, you're getting three months of unlimited Matthew AI on me. Because when I'm giving away three months of Love Life membership and included in Love Life is Matthew AI unlimited. So you literally get to to have Matthew AI as much as you want. Over that time, you can ask me as many questions as you want. You also get a whole bunch of other stuff like coaching from me Live every month. You'll get the real me live every month. And on private calls that are just for members, you'll have a whole library of programs designed for every stage of dating, heartbreak, relationships, healing from trauma, you name it. And you get a thriving community from across the world that are with you on the journey. Because that's what my Love Life coaching program is. It's not just coaching. It's a community of like minded people. My Amazing Life says, how much is the virtual retreat? It's just $195. $195. And I say just because last year the retreat was $4,000. That was the cheapest ticket to the retreat was $4,000. This year it's $195. All right, let's see. Rishi says, will a gay man be able to take away lessons as well? Any details? Of course. This is for everyone. This is for everyone. This is not. This retreat is not gender specific. It's completely gender neutral. This retreat doesn't care who you are, where you're from, who you love. It's. This is universal advice. This is universal tools. So there's, you know, we, I'm really Really proud of every community that joins in with this. This is not an exclusive community. Come be with us. You're gonna love it. Razia. Art says. Could I ask where you're from, Matt? Yeah, I'm from London. I live in Los Angeles, but I'm from lo. All right, let's see. What else have we got? What are you liking? David Kim King on TikTok says, what is the best advice for just working on yourself? Explore. I believe that we all have what could be a fatal flaw. Like all of us have something that if left unchecked, could destroy our lives. And destroy your life doesn't always mean invite in some great catastrophe. Sometimes the. It. The tragedy is that there's no great catastrophe. It's just that we don't enjoy our lives because we're always anxious or we. We. We never feel good enough or we never take any risks because we're so deeply, deeply afraid of rejection. And so we play it safe our whole lives. But I believe we all have this possible fatal flaw. And for some of us, our fatal flaw is our inability to trust. For some of us, our fatal flaw is our fear of rejection. For some of us, it's our overthinking mind. For some of us, it's self doubt. For some of us, it's our reactivity to situations. But I. If you're asking me, like, what is the best way to work on yourself, I really believe that it's. It's getting very clear on what those. And it may not just be one thing, but what are those parts of you that if you're not careful and if you never address them, have the potential to really ruin your life or, Or. Or run the risk of meaning you never really live your life. And they'll either ruin your life because of the circumstances those patterns create in your life, or they'll ruin your life because they'll ruin your experience of life emotionally. What are those things? And I would invite everybody right now to. Maybe you don't have to. It's a vulnerable thing to do. But if you feel inclined, leave a comment. What. What do you think could be your fatal flaw if you left it unchecked, if you never addressed it? And I've spent the last few years of my life really, really drilling down and exploring what are those things for me? Because I don't want to. You know when, you know when you find yourself complaining about the same thing year after year? Like you. You spend year after year complaining about how stressed you are, and you realize that you've been Doing that for the last 10 years. If that's the case, then there's a clue there. There's something there that is asking to be addressed. Why is it I feel stressed all the time? Why is it? Or why is it I never really feel safe? Or why is it I never feel like, why is it I'm always holding myself back, what's happening here? And I don't know about you, but for me, when I notice those things in myself, I'm like, there is no more important thing for me to focus on in my life than this. Because this is, if I'm not careful, this, this is gonna ruin my whole life. This precious life I have. This is gonna ruin my whole life. And I know that there are many of you who have seen this happen in your parents or family members where you can see, like, think of someone in your life right now who you know has a fatal flaw that has just continuously robbed them of joy in life or it's continuously led them into bad situations in life. It, you know, and you know, you're like, you have so much going for you. If you just didn't do that thing, if you just could correct this thing about you, you'd be so happy. You'd be, you'd have a completely different level of peace. You have a completely different life. If you stopped sabotaging in these ways, oh my God, the possibilities, the opportunities that would be available to you. But. And it maddens you because you're like, I wish I could just change this for them, but I can't. They have to change it. Well, we're good at seeing that in other people and especially in the people we love. We're not so good at recognizing those things in ourselves. And the reason, you know, I, I am so passionate about my retreat, I've been doing it since I was 21 years old. I've been doing this retreat. I mean, this for those of you that don't know the history of this, is that 21 years ago, 17 years ago, 18 years ago, I decided that I wanted to just have a container of time with people where we went really deep into the these things I'm talking about and we corrected them so that we could actually have a life that we've never experienced before. Because I believe that the life we can experience beyond those patterns, beyond those acts of self sabotage, when we get out of our own way, the things that are possible for us are mind blowing. They're things we can't even see from where we stand right now. And 18 years ago, I was like, I want to get people into this immersive zone for a few days and just work on the deepest parts of them that are holding them back. And I have done this every year since it has this program. I have done it in the hardest years of my life. I've done it in the best years of my life. I've done it when I've been heartbroken, I've done it when I've financially been in tough spots. I've done it, you know, every time. I've done it when I've had severe chronic physical pain that I wrote about in my book. This program has been with me in all of these different phases of my life and it saved me in so many ways. And it's still today responsible for ways that I'm growing and changing and, and I've never, I've never felt more peaceful than I do today. And I'm a work in progress. I'm still got a long way to go, but I've never felt better than I do today. And I feel like I'm just getting started, you know, I feel like I'm learning so much. So when you ask me what, what's the work that you need to do? Is this work, whether you do it with me or somewhere else like this is the work that self exploration? Because I promise you, nothing is holding you back in life like you are, whatever is hurting you in life, whatever circumstances you find yourself in, nothing is hurting you in life the way that you are. Nothing is holding you back as much as you are. Nothing is limiting your potential as much as you are. So I really, really hope that you join us because for those of you that don't join us in a couple of weeks for the retreat, you'll be waiting a whole other year to do this again. And you don't even know where you'll be in a year. You don't know whether you'll be well enough to attend. You don't know whether you know the timing will be all wrong for you to attend. You don't know whether you'll be motivated to attend. You don't know if you'll even be watching me a year from now. And so you might forget about it like this. There is no time like now, not, you know, it has to be. If you, if, if you're ever going to do this, do it now so that you can start benefiting from it. Because the day you leave the retreat is the day you start benefiting from the work that we do together. And it's happening for the IFE on. On TikTok is happening in Miami, but you can watch it from anywhere in the world because we have a virtual ticket. So if you want to get on a plane and join me in Miami, you can. We have limited tickets available. If you want to watch it from somewhere else in the world, you can. You can watch it from wherever. You are watching me right now. And that was it very intentional on my part. I was like, I just want people to be there. I don't care how they get there. I don't care how they consume this content as long as they're there. As long as they're watching it, I don't mind. I just want you to get the results that are possible from this. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, this is a final call. Comment the word access and I'll send you a DM. If you are on YouTube or TikTok watching me right now, go to retreat access.com I see you, strawberry milk on TikTok. Go to retreat access.com and you can get your ticket there. We have 500 off of live tickets only until midnight tomorrow and only until midnight tomorrow. If you get a ticket, you get three months on my love life coaching program, which is $210 normally, and you get it for free. So the amount of time you get on the love life coaching program is actually worth more than even the $195 that it costs you to get a virtual ticket. So it's. It's a really good deal right now. It literally is the best deal we've ever done for the retreat. We've never done anything like this is a $4,000 program that you can get for $195 and you get $210 worth of my love life coaching membership on me just for getting your ticket. And as I said, the reason I'm doing that is because I know that the people who do the retreat get really cool results in their love life. You don't need to know that right now, and I don't even need you to trust me on that right now. Just get yourself a ticket to the retreat and let me show you for free what I can do in your love life once you've built the confidence that we build on the retreat. Lindy C says your AI tool is the best. Yeah, it is the best. People love it. People absolutely love it. And it's all included when you get your retreat ticket until tomorrow night. Because when you get your 90 days on love life, you get Matthew AI, your 247 coach. Me coaching you 24 7. Whenever you want to ask me a question, you get that unlimited for 90 days because anyone who's a member of Love Life has unlimited access to Matthew AI. All right, everyone, I can't wait to see you. I'm going to be seeing you very, very soon. As I said, I'm getting on a flight to Miami to do this retreat in just a couple of weeks. I'm in prep mode right now. This is what I'm doing most days right now is just working on everything that I'm going to be doing with you in those two days. Refining, tweaking. It's going to be really powerful. And it's not something you can put in any book. It's like I said, this is an experience. You have to live it, you have to feel it, you have to get it in your body, not just in your mind. When you read a book, you get things in your mind, but when you do the retreat, you get it in your body and that's why it sticks. So we'll be doing it together. I'll be walking you through it. This is a hundred percent me, this program. I'll be with you the entire time. So I'll see you soon. Tanya, thank you. I appreciate you and I, I can't wait to see you all. Thanks for being here. I'll see you on the 18th of October. RetreatAccess.com is the link to get your tickets. Make sure you do before midnight tomorrow. All right, bye everyone.