Finding Your People — Friendship, Furballs & Getting Social

Hi, I'm Matthew Greger.

And I'm Nancy Greger.

We have this new podcast called "We Should Probably Edit This...

But We Won't." Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

So, welcome back to "We Should Probably Edit This... But but we won't. So today's topic's about friendship, friends, both the furry ones and the two-legged ones.

Yes. So we've just come back from 4 days and being in Austin, Texas for Growth Day and Ultra, and it was a room full of 1,500 people.

It was amazing. To be around like-minded people and to be so grateful and just fulfilled.

People all trying to do the same thing, strive to be better humans, to be better at themselves, to obtain their goals, reach their goals, to do all kinds of things. It was a wonderful experience. And while we were there, we have developed I think we've worked at a group of people that we've— we come together, we see each other on Zoom at least once a month.

Yeah, a couple times a month.

Yeah, a couple times.

I mean, I would consider those our growth friends.

Those are the growth friends. Yes, people that understand and appreciate what it is that you're trying to do because they're trying to do it themselves and offer great advice and support and accountability to—

oh, speaking of which, before we get into that, so hey, hey, so well, let's move to the furry friends for a moment.

What do you feel about those furry friends, Matt?

It all depends, you know.

Hey, hey, hey, okay, okay.

Well, let's just go ahead and show who this furry friend is.

We'll introduce you to our, our furry friend.

Yep.

Ta-da!

This is, this is our youngest son's best friend.

Um, she's a puppy. She's not even 6 months old.

Cecilia. Yep. Yeah. And so we're, we're babysitting.

Babysitting.

We're dog sitting this weekend, and someone is a little bit rambunctious and is now trying to eat the plant over here, which we're trying to— that's the noise that's been going on.

You hear in the background, but she's not allowed to eat the plants. No, no, no, bad doggy behavior. Um, but she's feisty. She's going through her little zoomies right now before she gets ready to take her next nap. But so we're watching this, our, our furry little friend who my husband is not really fond of.

Well, it's not that. I love dogs and I love cats and everything too, but you know, I just I'm at a stage in my life right now that I'm not ready for another, for another animal in the house full-time.

I'm ready for my support animal, thank you, that I can take on the train, on the bus, on the plane, anywhere I go. It's just my support animal. I'm gonna be one of those ladies that take, take your support.

Please don't. Let's—

if we're gonna, if we're gonna go to the grocery store, we're gonna get a furry.

If we're gonna get a furry one, let's get something that actually has some girth to them.

Oh, so not tiny?

No, not a tiny dog. A dog that actually has something, like, like either, you know, Lab. I mean, some of the poodle mixes now are pretty nice, you know, that are out there. You know, they're friendly.

I mean, I mean, I have to wait till I'm 70 years old before I can get a pet.

Well, we have a pet.

We have—

we do. We have— that's the other furry one.

That's right.

That's Mouse.

Mouse. But he's an old man kitty. He's like, you know, been around for a long time, and he's pretty much set in his ways and fiercely independent. But cats theoretically are independent. Independent.

They don't want to do anything they want. They have a mind of their own.

They do.

Which is kind of like, kind of cool about them in the first place because they, they just do their own thing.

Yeah, but sometimes you just need that cuddly petting.

Now she's peed.

Now she peed. You see, I said put the mats down, pee-pee pads down. Yeah, I don't want to put the pee-pee pads down. And now she peed.

See, that's the reason I don't want the animal.

No, but you gotta— we don't know her, so we don't know what her patterns are and when she needs to go or what the signs are. By the time we're ready to return her, we would have gotten it down. However, we did isolate her area, so So she is confined to the new, new, to the new kitchen and the newly tiled floor, which is good to clean. The tile floor is much easier to clean than a wooden floor.

It's starting to run away.

Okay, so I'll, I'll continue. I'll keep talking because, you know, my son calls me up and said, Mom, and he— remember, I'm going to preface this by he called who? His mom, of course. He knew. But that's kind of like the trend. Anytime your children want something, uh, they go to the parent that they feel is going to be more receptive and listen.

I mean, more— you're more supportive.

I didn't want to use the word support. Okay, but you went down that path, so okay.

It's not like I don't— I don't dislike her. I don't— I mean, she's cute and everything else. I'm just not ready for that in my life.

It wouldn't matter. In order for you to even accept the smallest of an alteration in your lifestyle.

You mean, you mean in what I have planned months ahead? So, so in other words, what I scheduled in my own head, if it doesn't work out the way that I, that I wanted it, you get all a tighty-whitey. Yeah, that's okay. I'm trying to go with that a little bit more, you know. You don't know, you don't know.

True, you don't know. But I do know that you— that's still a big struggle for you.

But, but there is something about The furry friends, they give you that comfort.

They do. She'll sit on my lap and she'll fall asleep in between the two of us on the couch and snort— snorting and snoring, snoring, um, doing her thing. But you know, the way I look at it is a temporary situation.

And yeah, which is, which is fine, which it's really fine.

It's just that it's like grandchildren, you can return them when you're done.

Yeah, it's just they're, um, she's just not fully house trained yet on what it is and You know, it's okay. I'm trying to be my better self and just go with it. I'm getting— that's something about what we learned in the last 4 days too, you know, about really just summoning the best of who you are. And so that's what I'm trying to do. But now she's out going after the broom for the fireplace.

You know, as much as you think you've childproofed, babyproofed, dogproofed an environment—

this house is not dogproof. Or baby-proofed?

No, it's not. It's neither one.

No. Now, wait, okay, we—

Stop it!

Celia, come on.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're gonna end up knocking the whole thing down. Okay, keep talking. All right, I'm keeping talking. So anyways, so animals, they bring us comfort and they also bring us joy. You know, that's the great thing about it. Lift her up again, show her in the picture. There you go. Yep. So they do bring you great joy and happiness, and I think that's something important, especially if you're on your own and you don't have anybody else but the animals. Just like, um, like your mom, she's got—

oh my goodness, don't talk about my mother. My mother has two dogs.

She has one now.

She has one. She had to finally, finally concede to put down, um, he was like a mix but he had been around since my dad was alive. And at the time that my dad was alive, um, he's died about 10 years, so the dog was already— I won't say old, but was more settled. Um, and then a few years ago, she ended up getting another dog, a little, uh, what do they call those dogs?

Um, it's the, it's the, um, Chihuahua.

Yeah, Chihuahua. Yeah. And she calls him Pepe. But you know what? He keeps my mom active and he keeps her on her toes. And she talks—

yeah, she has someone to talk to.

She talks to him. That dog's bilingual. That dog knows Spanish, English. I can almost bet that you could talk to him in either one of those languages, he would know exactly what you're talking about.

He's gonna know exactly what you're talking about.

Oh no, he does.

Okay.

He does. According to my mother, he's a very smart dog, um, and I don't doubt that. I very— I don't think I've had too much interaction with Pepe, but it's still one of those— it's her friend, it's what keeps her busy, and she keeps going at it.

What's she doing now?

She got the cat toy, so we're good, we're good.

Okay.

Um, but it's like watching— she's like watching a baby for, for for me because you're constantly keeping on tabs of what, what it— what are they doing.

Yes.

And you know, when the baby starts to crawl, when the baby starts to work— by the way, we have a gate here that we've had since my grandson was here because we had to prevent him from going up downstairs. Yeah, because that could be dangerous.

Now we're trying to confine her just to the kitchen area, just to the kitchen area.

So, um, So yeah, yeah, it's, it's been interesting.

So, so let us, let us know what you think about animals and the furry friends. And, and so back to, back to Austin, Texas and, and our event. You know, our, our growth friends, you know, they're, they've really, um, enriched our lives. Okay, that's okay. Let's let it, just let her lick the thing.

She's not licking it, just trying to bite it.

Okay. So, so tell me what your thoughts are about the growth friends that we have.

They're certainly, like I said, people that are like-minded.

They're into personal development just like we are, and they're all trying to do their own thing, you know. It's like they're really trying to make a difference in this world or in their company that they have and the people that they have. Let me move that broom.

Because she's, she's determined, like most.

You see, this is the room. She's trying to chew this up right now.

Like most children are, we're ignoring her, and so therefore she's got to make a ruckus in order to gain our attention. Um, but you know, as older parents, of, of, we know that the best thing to do is simply redirect and remove. It's a redirect, remove, redirect, remove. That is the premise by which you deal with whether they're small humans or four-legged ones. But yeah, so back to our— I mean, we've, we've been fortunate enough that in the very beginning of, of participating in the Ultra program, which started in 2023, we were able to really cultivate a group of people Actually, other couples. Other couples.

There's 5 couples. That was the one. That's how it started. Right, because we thought that since we're both doing this together, let's find other people that are doing this together as a husband and wife because that's what we have in common. So we hooked up with 5 other couples that we just really enjoy being around. Bobby and Melissa, you've got Tim and Nancy. So there's 2 Nancys.

Yeah, you got Jake and Tanya, and Jake and Tanya, you had John and Wendy. Um, so that's how we kind of meshed together, was we had that part in common along with the fact that we were all, uh, doing this personal development and really working and improving ourselves and our businesses. Um, some of us still work for other companies, but some of us run our own companies.

So it's been, it's been a great honor and a privilege to be going down this path with them, because unlike your other friends that are maybe not into personal development at all, but you, but you, but you have those friends so that you've known for a long time, especially like Megan and Vinnie, who we'll see tomorrow, you know, they're There are friends that we just enjoy being around each other, and we also like doing things together like hiking. Like, I think we're going to meet up at church tomorrow if all works out, and then maybe go out for brunch because this weather is not really very conducive to hiking.

Kinda rainy and cold.

Yep, and I think it's still in the 30s. It might be 40 now.

Yeah.

So it's great, but then you have the other friends that are just your acquaintance friends. That you see periodically. Maybe if you're having a party or a get-together, they might come over, but some of them aren't as growth-minded as—

I think we've, we've eliminated the, the acquaintance friends. I don't think we really hang out with the acquaintance friends any longer because there was really no reason. You knew the acquaintance friends when your kids were little and you're— you would gather around because the one thing you all had in common at that point were your children. Your children were the ones that were doing some type of sporting event, and so you got together a lot more. She's eating something in there. She's—

yeah, she was chewing on something.

Um, I think it's gone, which now she swallowed because she eats anything off the floor. Just—

it was, it was one of the big fibers.

But, um, so I think we— the acquaintance friends kind of—

yeah, because they were, they were there because your kids either played sports or, or they— so you got together because of your kids. Yeah, I mean, you might see them, may not have—

you might see them at a grocery store or even at a restaurant and you know them. You're going to go up, you're going to say, hey, how you doing, how things are going. You might even make a gesture by saying, yeah, we need to get together sometime really soon to catch up. But that's all it is. It's just a gesture. It's not something that either one of you really pursue. Um, but I don't think we have acquaintance friends. And you know, to me, I look at acquaintances sometimes as your family members. They're more of an acquaintance because you're either going to see them for a funeral or for a wedding. Um, very— you don't have that big strong attachment to some family members. That you— some people do, and that's great, and that's wonderful if they've been able to really cultivate that relationship. But I think for us, even with our brothers, um, we see each other, but I don't know if we necessarily have a lot of things in common.

You're right, right. And we're not on the same path, on the same journey, you know. And that, that's going back to our growth friends. We've also started, you know, a mastermind and brought in some other friends where we're actually focused on working on ourselves and our business. So we're going through these playbooks that Brendon has, and we meet once a month and we go through one playbook for 2 months. And so, you know, you've got other friends that we've added into that group just to expand our friendship. You've got Michaela and you have—

This is them, Paul.

Isa and Paul, which happen to be another couple as well. And then you've got, of course, our friend who's, um, who— Dean, who's, who's, um, really trying, really trying to make a difference with the kids and stuff. He takes different trips to the Amazon and things. It's amazing, our different friends and, and what they're actually trying to do to, to improve the world. And it's, it's great to see us all growing and getting out of our comfort zone, like doing this podcast. We would have never done this podcast 2 years ago.

We would have done a lot of things I wouldn't have done 2 years ago. I mean, for me, the personal development arena is something very, very new.

Um, you know, Matthew would listen to the podcast and audiobooks, John Maxwell, Jim Rohn. But I was always the— I would listen, it helped my mindset, but I didn't take action. I didn't really do anything, you know, until we really met, um, until we went to Growth Day, right, 2 years ago. Yeah, 2 years ago. And that's when we really made the decision to, to take action and do things, you know, to— one of the big goals that we had was to actually expand our friendships, and which is really hard with the older you get.

It's not as easy as— as— because it's, it's true what they say. When you're a little kid, you have friends that you make because you all go to the same school, or you're in the same classroom, or you're taking the same— doing the same sport. But as you get older, even my kids will sit back and tell you that not all of the people they hung out with, they still are in, in touch with. My younger son, I have to say that he has one friend, Bobby, who he's known since high school.

Um, before high school, it might have been because they played lacrosse together.

Um, but yet his mom and dad was— wasn't somebody that we clicked with. Uh, and so, but you know, he developed his friendship and he still hangs out with him. And it's fun to see them now, the older they get, how, um they're still together and how sometimes it brings you back to that moment when you knew when they were like when they were 15, blowing up an Axe can. Yeah, and burning your eyebrows off your face. Noah. Um, but those are the kind of things that I think even as your kids go through school and as they go through college, um, they have developed some friends that they still have to this day. Um, And then you have some other friends. You know, my son knew a guy, and I knew him and his, his family for— oh my God, since they were kindergartners. And a few years ago, he died. And I can remember my son calling me up and telling me that his friend that he's known since he was in kindergarten had died. And He was devastated. Benjamin just didn't— took a very hard, long time to process that, you know. I mean, we've, we've— as adults, you, you lose people, but sometimes when you lose them, you've known them for a long time. Like when my father passed away, he's your father, um, so you've known him all your life, so you've had this time to really evolve. And your dad— my dad got to see my kids so he didn't die before they were, you know, born. But he got to see my kids, and he got to see me somewhat settled as an adult. So you had time. It was— it less painful when he passed? No, it wasn't. And there's some moments, well, I'll think about him. Sometimes it's like a song that's playing.

I think he'd be proud of you doing this right now.

My dad was my— he was definitely the guy who had said, And I can tell you, he would say, you could do anything you want. Yeah, you could do anything, you could be anything. Um, so I was very— I was fortunate like that, that, you know, my dad was my champion, um, and he did a lot of things that he could, um, to help me move along.

And I think that's, you know, so important, you know, those friendships that you've had since you were a kid. You know, I can remember the one that I hung around with and got into trouble all the time, Russell. You know, we had a nickname for each other. We called us, hey Ernie baby. You know, I don't know what it was, but it was just like those things that you just do as, as kids. And, and we did that for a long time, you know. And I've tried to reach back out with him. I don't know where he is now, um, at all. He didn't— he hasn't responded to me. But, but You know, building friendships as you get older, I think, is even more important because, you know, I consider each other friends.

Yes.

But at the same time, we also need more than just each other.

Yeah.

You know, and it's, it's wonderful to be surrounded by the friends that we have now because we're contributing to their life and they're contributing to ours. So what would you say is the most challenging thing about trying to find new friends?

Uh, I think sometimes it's your own biases of what you have in your head, um, and it's also the level of commitment. Sometimes you, you don't match that same level of commitment, and you've got to learn that that's okay. That sometimes one person is going to be more of the giver, or one group, or, uh, it could be Matthew is more of the giver in, in keeping the, the friendship going and keeping that connection going. Um, that's not true about everybody. Everybody has their own thing that they're doing because we don't live in the same states. And I think that's really hard. That's probably one of the harder things for us is we don't live in the same state. And for us to get together is usually around an event, and around an event when we go to the Growth Day or the Ultra events. So we can go months without physically seeing each other. And I think the physical part is what you really need in order to keep it going, in order to feel that you have more than just the Zoom connection.

Because, you know, I mean, I mean, like, if I just have to look at you this way through the camera lens right there, it's not the same thing as turning around and— bless you. Oh goodness, sorry. It's not the same thing as just looking at you right here face to face.

Correct. When you look at each other, you can see— you don't know— you could see each other and you, you just kind of like feed off of each other. And I think that That's probably the one thing that I think we're still missing, that we still don't have that really good connection on. But—

and I think, I think— well, go ahead with your but, then I—

but I think we've, we are— we've learned tools on what we can do to apply ourselves in a more social setting and where we're at, and And that is to get out and to go to local events and to go to local things where you can meet somebody. You don't know who you're going to meet.

That's right. And that's what I was trying to get at, is that what's it take to find those new friends and to get out there? And it really takes getting out of the house, getting out, you know, and also maybe inviting somebody over for dinner or something like that. You know, it's finding some of those local friends that are here that you've got to get out of your comfort zone. You've got to go and you've got to network. You've got to socialize. Find a volunteer event. Yeah. Maybe you meet somebody at church. Maybe somebody you work with that you want to take it to the next level. Sometimes those are more difficult and far and few between, but you never know. Just be open And I think it's really important to, to have those friendships because as you get older, it's the friends that keep us going. Yeah, friends are the ones that you get together, you do things, maybe you go fishing for me, um, or you have a, have a great dinner, you come together, you socialize, you talk about the events, play some games.

It's being social. Truly, that's what it is. It's being social, um, and it's not a situation where you find yourself, uh, alone because you might have lost your significant other and then all of a sudden you're just by yourself and you've got to figure out what you're going to do, um, to get up every morning, to have a purpose, to have a, a, a mission.

Yeah, the furry ones only take you so far.

Yeah.

You know, they can't have that deep conversation or that— they don't challenge you that way, right?

They won't challenge you in a way that you need.

They can be comforting, but they don't. I mean, that's why it's— because you never know what's going to happen. And to have that group of friends not only gives you that sense of belonging and purpose, but it's also you know, what you can do together. I know I lost my train of thought.

It's called— it's, it's— socialization is finding something, a cause that you both kind of are passionate about and you both agree about and you're both willing to do it. So it's getting involved. To be brutally honest, that's what it comes down to. It's getting involved. Getting involved in a situation where you're going to meet people that to some extent have the same goal and the same idea, at least the same values, and kind of the same values, right? We all come from different walks of life, we all come from different places in our life. But if you're at an event or you're doing a volunteer for a specific organization It's because you both have some type of passion and connection about that organization. For us, it's been, you know, Ultra and doing the Ultra and being in a room with all the same type of really extraordinary people, some extraordinary people, people doing some phenomenal things in this world, people who do care and people who want to make a difference. And that's important to the two of us. And so because that's important important to the two of us, that's who we surround ourselves with. That's who we, you know, we find our commitment with, um, because it helps. It would help better if we had some more that were in the local area that we can get more work together on.

We're working on that. We're, we're starting to get out ourselves a little bit more, um, network. We went to a, um, a fundraising event for the Children's Museum recently, um, and so it's— you never know who you're going to meet. Nope. You know, you've just got to get out. If you don't get out there and put yourself out there and start meeting people, it's not going to happen. I mean, I'm taking tennis lessons. I'm hoping to meet some, some friends there. You know, I'm reconnecting with other people that I haven't talked to in a long time too, just to bring that connection. I mean, my word of the year is connections because I want to nurture those connections and build new ones.

That's great. That's not my word.

I know.

You can build your connections.

Well, some of them will build together.

Yeah, I think most— I think it's safe to say that in this relationship, um, Matthew's the person that's more, uh, approachable, uh, than I would be.

Um, really?

I think so.

Uh, but you're getting better.

I'm getting a little bit better at it, but I'm not there like you are.

I think, I mean, also, if I want to nurture the friendship, sometimes I'm the one that has to go out there and organize something and get it together. If you wait for— that's the one advice that I'm going to give you. If you're looking for friends and you want to do something, you be the one that gets out there and organizes the event. If you wait for that to happen it's just not going to happen.

It's not going to happen.

You've got to get out there and do it.

And you can't feel any type of resentment or any type of disappointment that you seem to be that role model, that you seem to be that person that does it. Because when you do, you're not going to move forward, and you're not— you're not going to feel comfortable, and you're going to want to want to know why it is that you're always that person who brings the people together.

Yeah, when you start saying, oh, how come I'm the one that's always organizing something? You know, it's so— it's okay, you know, you know, my, my, um, oh well, I won't get into those. Well, that'll be a different subject at some time. But, but yeah, part of, part of what it is is I, I like to be the motivator. I like to bring people together. Um, that's what I enjoy doing.

Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. People will find— approach me.

I'll just drag you along.

I'm— I, I will be the person that gets dragged along, no problem. No different than how I got dragged along in 2023 to Growth Day.

Yeah, but every, every time I drag you somewhere, it, it gets a little bit more— well, On that note, I think, I think, I think we're about wrapping this up before she knocks something down and breaks it.

Okay, okay, we gotta go. Okay, we gotta go.

So until next time, we should probably edit this, but we won't. Bye-bye.