Other People’s Crazy Isn’t Yours

Hi, I'm Matthew Greger.

And I'm Nancy Greger.

We have this new podcast called "We Should Probably Edit This." But we won't.

Hello! Hi! How are you?

I'm doing great. How are you? I'm doing good. Okay. I'm doing good. All right, well, we kind of missed last week. We did, but yeah, you couldn't talk.

I could, I could barely make a few sentences. Yes, I had a really hard time. Probably just allergies, I think. I don't know if I was necessarily sick as much as I— maybe it was a combination of lots and lots of things.

Yeah.

So what's our topic today?

Um, I think we had a pretty good sermon today.

We did. We had a good sermon on anxiety.

Anxiety and stress. Stress.

Stress.

You can give me stress sometimes.

I don't understand how that's even humanly possible. I don't.

You don't understand how that's humanly possible?

No, because anxiety and stress is what you manage for yourself.

I know. I mean, sometimes we can add to the stress that we may already be under with each other if we don't really understand what's going on.

I'm never good on what that topic of stress and anxiety is all about. I don't think I can recall moments where I felt stressed or had any anxiety.

You don't think you felt— you don't think you felt stressed at times? There's been times in our life that we've been stressed out a little bit. I mean, raising kids That's, that's, can be, that can be trying at times.

It can be trying at times, but is it necessarily a level of anxiety? Um, I don't, I don't think so. At least I, I don't recall it being a domineering factor. Maybe that, that's how I say it.

Okay, so, so did you worry about things? Do you worry about things?

Do I worry about things? No.

At times, at times you did?

Maybe when I was in my 20s and 30s, there was a level of worry, but I think as I've gotten older, it's less of a thing, because I can only control what I can control, which is myself, right? You can control yourself.

So you can try to— you can try to influence other people. You can— you influence me at times when I'm not doing quite what you want me to be doing, or as fast as you'd want me to.

But that's on you. That wouldn't necessarily be on me. That's on you.

You give me the— you give me the look though.

I can give a lot of people, but again, that's not on me, that's on you. So you might have a level of stress, of anxiety, but that's not necessarily—

you can add, you can add to my level at times when, when, when I don't feel I'm doing what I need to get done in relationship to what I think you need me to do.

Okay, okay, that's kind of what, what you feel about it. I mean, I look at it this way: you have to be able to learn how to control your own self. You have to be able to know what you're good at and what you're not good at. You have to be able to know and believe that what you put out is what you're going to get back.

Yeah, but sometimes, you know, it's, it's like, it's that struggle of the, of the job. You know, of, you know, there's so many people out there, they feel trapped in what they're doing. And they— so what would you say to them that feel like they have no control over the circumstance they're in right now?

Wow, such a loaded question. What do I say to somebody that I I say to people exactly what I, what I've learned, and that is when one door closes, another one's going to open. You got to believe in that. You got to trust in that. You've got to trust in yourself that the situation you're in is a temporary situation, and you have to really know yourself to know that you can get yourself out of those situations that you're in. And if you do that, um, I think you're able to overcome any other potential issues you may have. I was told a long, long time ago by a life coach before coaching was a really big, big deal. And I remember what she said, cause we were, this is when we had started the Business Helper. And one of the things that she said that resonated with me even to this day is if you, in a situation, if you think about the worst thing that can possibly happen and it's in your mind of what that worst thing is, you will find that you will do everything in your power not to make that happen, not to make that worst-case scenario happen, because you've already thought it. You've already contemplated. And so therefore, your only choice is to move away from that and to make sure that that doesn't happen. But if it does, you thought enough about it, so you knew what you were gonna have to do to get— deal with it. So from that moment on, I don't look at it as being an anxiety type of state. If I I lose my job tomorrow, will that be somewhat difficult? Yes.

Okay.

Does it mean the end? No. It's just because I've already been thinking that if that potentially should occur, what would be my next course of action? And I think if, if you get that in your mind, that you have to think about that next course of action, and once you have it in your head I don't feel that you'll have levels of anxiety.

Well, I know that, you know, even back when we were running the Business Helper and I was doing a lot of subcontracting work with Barbara, and she told me one time— I would go into an office and I'm supposed to be coming in to help them, okay? And and either their system was down, it was broken, something wasn't working, and they were in a high stress because the systems weren't working. And I'm there to help, but yet I would take on their feelings, what they were projecting, and all of a sudden I would absorb into it, and then I would feel like, oh my God, I gotta do this now, it's really important. And I would get crazy. And, and all wrapped up in their whirlwind. And she told me— the best advice that she told me was, is that other people's crazy is not your crazy. And she's right, because I was there to help them, and, and I just needed to embrace that part of it and not, and not take that in. And I think so many people get caught up in what other people are projecting, and sometimes it's because they're projecting that too. And like what you said, you receive what you project.

Yeah, what you give out is what you're going to get back. So if you give out, uh, anxiety or not being trustworthy or feeling like the end is near, that's exactly what you're going to get back. You're going to get back a level of anxiety. It's like, it's like people watching the news all the time. And listening to all these things occurring. There may not be anything you're going to be able to do about those situations that are occurring.

All those things occurring is so still such a small part of what's actually really happening. And I'll bet you that's not happening right around you either.

No. And, and that's— but we listen to it, we hear it, and so we, we have that, that running in our minds. When the reality to it all is, is it probably is not going to affect you the way you think it's affecting other people. And again, you have to really trust and believe in yourself and knowing that you just have to be able to, to generate your own good thoughts and your own good energy.

But it's, but it's so easy to take on those things that are going on around you.

To what advantage does it give you? It doesn't give you anything.

No, but it is a mindset shift for a lot of people to be able to pull themselves out of what they're seeing, right? And to really focus on how they want to bring the joy, as Brendan says.

Yes, but it's you have to relate to what it's going to do for you. And if it doesn't provide you any positive feedback or doesn't get you in the mindset that you need to be in, well then it's, it's not worth taking on, it's not worth indulging in, and it's not worth paying attention to. Because what's the point?

Yeah, what is the point? What is the point? But it's sometimes it's easier said than done. So what would be the major advice that you could give someone that feels like their world's falling apart right now and that they're completely stressed out, either work, family, trying to deal with balancing kids and finances and going to work and listening to the news and, and being in the middle of all that?

Well, I'd probably say first thing is stop watching the news. Remove yourself from as much social media as you can. Don't indulge on in TV. Don't indulge on Instagram or Facebook. Don't indulge. If there is somebody that you're following on Facebook that never has anything positive or follows what it is that you want to achieve and what you want to do, unfollow. Same thing on Instagram.

Should they follow— should they find somebody that gives them inspiration?

I mean, you could. You're asking me what would be the first steps, and for me, the first steps would be is to rule out all that negative stuff, get it out. And then once that's done, you You know, if you're looking at your family, you're looking at your kids, you're looking at your finances, you're looking at your relationships, whatever those pieces are that make up your life, if there's some level of anxiety within that, well, what's— what are you thinking of? Because anxiety is tied to a thought you're having, through a feeling you're having. So what is that? What is that feeling? What is that thought?

So recognizing what Recognizing what, what you're feeling, your anxiety about your kids.

What are you thinking about your kids? That, that they— that you're failing your children, or that you're not a great mom or a great dad? Is that what you're thinking of? And then, then look at that and just look at what those feelings are, and then say, okay, what's the worst-case situation that can happen? You know, we're not perfect human beings. We don't live in a perfect world. We could do better than what our parents did for us. And are we going to be perfect? No, we're not. And if perfection is what you're looking for, well, then forget it. You, you need something.

Then you're going to continue to be anxious.

You're going to have anxious and stress. If perfection is what you're looking for, and for for what, for what purpose, right? You know, what's that purpose? So don't worry so much about it. Try to live in the moment that you're in, especially if you have your kids around, because I'm gonna tell you, as, as a mom and dad who have raised 3 children, it goes by super fast. Yeah, it's done.

Well, I mean, if they're 3 and 4, 7, 8, You probably don't think that right now.

No, you're like, oh, I'm in the mess.

You're in the messy middle.

You are.

That'll continue for a little while longer, but it doesn't last forever. The main thing is, is that just, just, I would say, surround yourself with friends and family that support what you want right now. And as hard as that may be, you may have some friends that you don't want to give up. But you might need to. You might need to rethink what are those friends adding to you at this time. Are they adding more stress to you, or are they helping you along the way? So I feel that surrounding yourself with like-minded people is really important.

Um, I agree with that, uh, but I will say to you that there is something to be said about when you're in that messy middle and you're around other parents, that there is some sense of a community because you know you're not necessarily by yourself and that the things that are occurring are occurring with a lot of other people. So you don't necessarily feel as though you're the only one.

Yeah, but you don't want that group to bring you down or continue to add to your stress and anxiety.

I don't recall when the kids were little that any friend that we were, you know, incorporating in our circle was necessarily the type of friend that would bring us down.

No, I'm just saying if they are, evaluate whether or not you want to still hang out with them, that they add value to—

yeah, I agree, to see if they add any value to you. But, you know, there could be value in, in the smallest of things, and depends on what it is that you're really looking for in that relationship.

It may be that that your kids have a great relationship.

The kids' kids, right? The children are having a great relationship, and you want to nurture that, and you want to make sure that that is something that evolves.

You may not necessarily agree with the parent of the other child, correct, or even have a great connection with them, but your child does. So yeah, so there's that balance.

So you're gonna keep that balance, you're gonna try to maintain that even though you both don't think the same way. Way, or you both don't have the same values, or you both don't see things that same exact way. Your children, for some reason, connected, and you, you want to be able to, to have that connection. Because when you're young, right, having those connections when you're young is really, really important. Um, and it's important for you to be around those kid— those kids as well. Because their values and what they bring, they're going to talk to your kids about that.

Well, what if, what if you're dealing with finances and that's— that could be really stressful, either lack of money, you're trying to make ends meet. Um, it does— doesn't that add to a lot of stress and anxiety?

I, I believe that you, you know why you're in your situation. It's not like all of a sudden you got dumped, and all of a sudden you owe a lot of money, or you've got a lot of debt. You played a role in that, so you know why you're there.

Okay, but now I'm there, now I'm stuck.

If you got yourself in, there's a way for you to get yourself out. It may not be what you like, it may not be— it's definitely not going to be easy. However, You know what it was like to get in it. You have to make the same commitment on how to get out.

What would be some of those commitments?

Identifying what it is that you're spending your money on. A lot of people don't know what they're spending their money on. Look, go and pull your bank statements for the last 3 months. Just look at the last 3 months and look at, look at your bank statements.

Where do you spend your money? Would you recommend anything to help, help them?

There, there's so many people out there nowadays that talk about budgeting and, and debt. Um, I can tell you that I think a budget is good to help you identify what it is that you're spending your money on. And there are some ways that you can, you know, some formulas, whether it's called the, the, the snowball or if it's called the avalanche, whatever that is.

Dave Ramsey helped us, I think.

Dave Ramsey's approach to debt was very, very biblical, I would say, and very, very, very hardcore. And it did offer some insight and some value, but money is a mindset. Yeah, it's totally—

I mean, I think you have to find something that works for you though too.

You have to find it, but you, you— there are— it's look, it's basic math, and math is simple, right? 1 1 2. It's basic math. Don't try to reinvent—

1 1 2, but then when you're trying to pull out 3, that's when you get in trouble.

No, but that's the problem is, is you identify 1 1 2, and when you've agreed that 1 1 2, then you're going to sit back and you're going to realize, okay, but I needed 4, or I can only spend it up to the 2 and not 3. Correct. And in which case, you've— once you've put that in your mind of what it is that you're—

so the bottom line is you need to know what's coming in and what's going out. So whether or not you have a budget or not, you at least need to know where your money's going.

Well, the budget is what does that, so it's, it's not— you, you can't get rid of the budget. What I don't believe in is, is that the budget is like the Holy Grail. It won't be, because to me a budget is like a diet. You try to go on a diet, Mediterranean diet, the, the I'm gonna eat all carbs plate, whatever. You go on a diet, it's not necessarily going to be for the long term. It might offer you a very—

but then you've got to figure out what your long term is for managing money because you need to have habits.

You have a mindset. Yeah, it's a mindset. Yeah, it's what's in your mind of how you want to—

and how you perceive money, how you— what you believe its purpose is.

So, well, its purpose is that it earns you and, and it gives you certain privileges and freedoms in your life, but that comes with a cost. That isn't— that is a cost. So you have to really kind of focus on that and figure that out. But I do believe it's a mindset. I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all, just like I don't think dieting is the only way to do it.

Well, there's different types of diets, and some work for you and some work for me, and some—

just the word diet don't work.

I understand that. So what? So, so is budget a diet and it doesn't work?

I, I don't think in the long term it could, it could really sustain you. I think you have to identify the reasons why you do certain things And you have to make a commitment to yourself on what it's going to take for you to get out.

Okay, so there's money. So then how about just lately for me, it's been just the stress of the weather. It's like, it's like it's just something that happens. It's, you know, I, I could use some sunshine. And here in the Northeast, the last week it's been pretty, pretty gloomy.

It is, I agree, you know.

But again, again, that all obviously is your mindset too, but it does help to have a little bit of warmth there. But then you get to talk to someone else who may be in, in Florida, it's 90 degrees, it's 90 degrees, and they're sweltering. They would love to have a day that we have.

So again, it's, it's all relative on how, on how you want to see it. Um, do I wish it was sunny and beautiful and, and shiny and maybe a little bit warmer? Sure. But you know what, life's still moving on. You still have things to do. You still have things to accomplish. So maybe instead of working outside or doing something outside, there's probably something inside you need to do too, that if the weather isn't, isn't the greatest, then you want to focus on that.

At least we don't have the fire going today, so that's good. Yeah, that's good, especially since it's June 1st.

But we still have the portable heater inside the room. Yeah.

We actually had on last night.

It was a little nippy. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, it was a little nippy. So, um, why do you feel so anxiety and so stressed?

Why? I don't— I mean, to me, I do at times, but that, but that's from my own mindset, me overthinking things, you know.

And I think you overthink.

Yeah, yeah, I do, I do. I, I admit to that, you know, that, that I just, um, I run different scenarios through my head and different, and different outcomes.

Hence why, in order to tell you about an event that's going to happen in the future, you have to give yourself so much notice, which just blows my mind because you're not living in the moment. You're living in— no, I don't know what has to be planned ahead, but I do need to look ahead in the future.

There are, there is some of that. I do need to, I do need to think about the future.

You just—

I don't need to overthink about it.

Yeah, you— I mean, I just—

I mean, I need to trust the plan that I'm on now, and I feel good about the plan that I'm on right now.

Sometimes it's— that's probably the one. It doesn't— it doesn't give me anxiety. And more like—

see, I do— see, I do give you anxiety.

No, it doesn't give me anxiety. It gives me— it gives me the point where, you know, it's an annoyance for sure. There you go. Because if I— if I want to be able to say, just like what I told you today, I— what did I say to you today? I said, okay, this is how the plan is. If I don't see my grandchildren children during the summer. What did I say to you?

We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going to Florida in the fall.

That's what I said.

I'd rather go, I'd rather go in the wintertime when it's cold.

Yeah, no, that's too long for me. I planted the seed now. What are we in, June? Okay, so that you know there's no surprises.

That's fine.

Come September, we're going to Florida, and if it's 200 degrees, it doesn't matter. The purpose of us going is to be with our grandchildren.

Yes. All right, so if you're, if you're anxious or overwhelmed, take a deep breath. Take a deep breath and just try to put things into perspective. You're not going to always be in that situation. And start thinking, start changing your mindset so that, that you can have a better outlook of where you want to be.

Follow people that that offer you some decent advice and some things that are going— follow, listen to people like Mel Robbins or Lewis How or Brendon Burchard or, you know, Ed Mylett. Start listening to people that are showing you techniques on how to improve your mindset and how to learn to do some personal development and growth for yourself. Um, turn off the news. I don't think we've watched the news in a while.

Sometimes I don't know what's going on, which is not a good thing. I am trying to listen to a few things.

I mean, I, I, I usually just have like CNBC News or something like that, and I'll just keep following that.

But yeah, well, on that note, we should probably edit this, but we won't.

Until next time, have a great day. Bye-bye.