Build Lifelong Habits with Simple Systems

You don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. That quote from James Clear, both in his blog and in his wonderful book Atomic Habits, is one that I've carried with me for years because it's so important to think about what is the benchmark that we've created for ourselves that allows us to be consistent with the things that matter to us. What we're going to talk about in this episode of Connect the Dots is all about how you can build healthy habit systems for yourself in the new year. But just in case you're not listening to this on the first Monday of 2021, January 4th, there is a lot in this episode that will help you build better habits, create a healthier environment, and design the life that you care about. Hi everyone, my name is Matt and welcome to another episode of Connect the Dots. This is episode 5, I think is how it's going to come out on the schedule. I just want to say First and foremost, thank you so much for all the kind words. Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for rating and reviewing. Thank you for sharing and giving me feedback. It all means so much to me. This is actually the first set that I've recorded after the podcast launched, so it's really cool for me to kind of now see what the first 3 episodes have been like and how receptive people have been. And you know what's interesting is that The way that I see Connect the Dots as a podcast is not necessarily about a goal that I have. It is about creating a system, really a habit, of being able to produce a podcast episode every week. And the habit that I have, the system that needs to underlie it, is how I put these things together. It's not about saying I would like to have 100,000 downloads, even though that would be great. My goal is really more of a habit. It's more of creating a system, and that is to create a new podcast episode every week for 2021. We talked about this in the goal setting episode 3 and thinking about these things in terms of outcome-based goals or system habit-based goals, and they can both apply to the same kind of overarching area of your life. I think, say, getting the podcast to launch was an outcome-based goal. Even kind of doing each episode, once the episode is done, that outcome is reached. But the goal, really the true goal for this, is just to be consistent, to create a system, to have a habit of talking to the microphone, talking to the camera since there's a YouTube channel for Connect the Dots as well. Doing those things consistently, habitually, so that I and you get a new episode every single week. Because here's the truth: habits apply to everything in your life. They are the operating system, the OS of you, that for better or for worse really decide a lot of what you do and what you make of life, the kind of life that you want to design. If you have an operating system, a habit system, of propping up and promoting and being consistent with good habits while being able to simultaneously take away some of the bad habits or destructive habits that you might have. And we all have those, and we will all have new ones pop up at different times during our lives. But understanding the routines and habit loops and different functions of how a habit works, both good and bad, can really help you not just build and maintain good habits, but also identify how you can break bad habits as well. I also want to give credit at the beginning to my habit mentors. Now I've already mentioned James Clear. I've been reading his blog for years. There's also Charles Duhigg who wrote the wonderful book The Power of Habit, and then BJ Fogg who is a professor and researcher at Stanford who created the tiny habits research studies and also has a great book. Called Tiny Habits as well. The basic building block of any habit is the habit loop. This comes from Charles Duhigg's book The Power of Habit, but it is simply the cue, the routine, and then the reward. And if we break that down, then the cue is whatever starts to trigger in your mind that it's time to kick off the routine. Often the routine is the actual habit itself, what we would think of as the thing that you want to do. And then the reward is the dopamine hit that you get when the routine is completed. Now this dopamine hit, this feeling of happiness, or at least like calm, whatever it is, a sugar rush, a caffeine spike, all of these things, they can be good and they can be bad. Like one of the examples that Duhigg uses in his book is about how he gained weight because around a certain time of day his blood sugar would get a little low, and so he'd be like, "Hmm, kind of hungry and kind of tired," and he would go eat a cookie. And he would do this pretty much every single day. So the cue was that time of day, that feeling that he had, and the routine was that he would go eat a cookie. And he would have that temporary kind of like sugar rush, that dopamine hit of like, "Mmm, delicious cookies. This is so good." In the long run, eating a cookie every day is not the best habit that you want to develop. Now, the good news is that you can swap out different routines even using the same cue, and oftentimes they will lead to the same or very similar reward. So I believe— and, you know, don't fact-check me on this, or if you fact-check me, just go with what Duhigg actually talks about in the book— but the way that Duhigg worked around this bad habit routine that he was having of eating cookies every day is when that cue hit in the middle of the day, he would either have some kind of healthier snack, or he would go for a walk, or he would go over and talk to a colleague, you know, try and do something else to kind of lift his energy levels, or at least engage him away from the screen. And so then at the end, he would feel like some kind of spike, happiness, reward for having talked to a friend or having gone for a nice delightful walk outside, or maybe just having some kind of snack that still like fulfilled the hunger pangs but then didn't leave him with a sugar crash at the end of snack time. I want to give you a personal example of how I use the habit loop to swap out something that was a bad habit for me into something that is way more not just productive but just healthier and better for me. For example, this is what I would have done and have done many, many mornings. I wake up, I go into the kitchen, I start to boil water for coffee because I'm a pretentious Chemex coffee brewer, or sometimes the Aeropress. But while the coffee was brewing in the Chemex, or while I was waiting for the water to boil, like many people— and I'm not judging— take out the phone. It's like, what's up with Twitter? How's my latest YouTube video doing? You know, we need the validation, of course. And I would do that until the coffee was done brewing, and oftentimes I would just kind of continue to scroll through my phone while— and that's, you know, I don't mind social media as much as some people, but I didn't want my first several minutes of the day to be spent not just in front of the screen but consuming things that didn't need to have a big impact on me at the beginning of the day. So, but the reward was like, ooh, I'm interested, my mind's buzzing a little bit, I was getting that dopamine hit. And it was brew the coffee, scroll through the phone is the routine, and then the reward was like, ooh, cool, looking at social media, ooh, cool, there's a video, ooh, cool, there's a meme, all those things. I could transition that. I could transform that routine. This is where journaling came in huge for me. And so the cue remained the same. I get up, I start to brew coffee. Here's the trick. Now what I'm doing is the routine is journaling, making that initial journal entry for the day. And sometimes I'd follow a prompt. Sometimes I would just like do a little bit of morning pages brain dump of like What am I thinking about? What am I worried about? What am I excited about? What is on tap for the day? Sometimes I would do a little bit of just like, what are my top 3 things, and write that down in my bullet journal. And then when the coffee was done brewing, not only would I feel better, I would feel like I already was proactive in the day instead of reactive to whatever is on my phone. But the reward, besides just feeling better, literally feeling better, was that I got to drink my delicious coffee. And I was a little— I was more present with the coffee. I know that can sound a little strange, but if I'm just scrolling through my phone, I am very present with my phone. That's how it's designed. But when I'm writing, or when I'm reading, or even just making some lists, like, delicious coffee. So you can see how that works, the 3 elements: the cue, the routine, and the reward. You can swap out your habit routines using the same cue and getting the same or similar reward. So that's a really good way that you can transform a bad habit into a good habit. Let's talk about another element of this, something that isn't talked about as much. James covers this a lot in his book Atomic Habits, and there is a study that he referenced that a doctor put together at a hospital, I believe is in Harvard, and she was brilliant. This was an amazing study in terms of like the impact of environment on habits and health. And she was working at a hospital and I believe, and I'll link to this in the show notes, but I believe what it was is that there was, you know, vending machine, there were unhealthy snacks in the cafeteria or in the break room of this hospital. What the researcher decided to do was swap that out for fruits and vegetables, basically for healthier snacks, and then water instead of soda or even juice, which juice has a ton of sugar in it in most cases. And the impact on people's energy levels, on overall health over time, was significant. And these people were everyone who was coming into the break room, who's coming in a cafeteria, and they were doing the exact same thing. They weren't really making any different decisions. It's just what the environment presented was a much better option. But if it was the only option, or they were just like, do I want a banana or do I want an apple? That was it. Just, they chose what they had in front of them instead of being like, hmm, do I want M&Ms or do I want Reese's? Which I would go Reese's in that event. So let me give you an example again of how I use this. This with my journaling habit. So one of the reasons that the phone was always such a draw for me— I don't keep it in my room, but it was plugged in in the kitchen near where I made coffee. And so even on days where, say, early on I intended to journal, there's the phone, let's see what's up. Before you know it, coffee's brewed, I've just been looking at my phone, done. What I did differently to design my environment for success and healthy habits was I replaced my phone with my journal in the kitchen, and I moved my phone up here to in the office. And so I wouldn't see my phone in the morning. In fact, I had to make like a real conscious decision to go get it, because even that tiny bit of friction, even that tiny bit of friction that you might have in a decision, can be really impactful. Because you might think, well, Matt, if you want your phone, you just go upstairs and get it. If I have to go upstairs and get it, especially if I have to risk stepping on that squeaky stair that could potentially wake a child earlier than they need to be awoken, be like, hmm, do I really need to go up there and get that phone so that I can look at Twitter? Because I know if I stop and think about it, that little bit of resistance, there's nothing I really need my phone for at this point.. And so if my journal is now next to the coffee maker, next to the Chemex, and my phone is upstairs and I have to risk waking small children to go get it, what do you know? It just became a much easier decision to sit down and have a good journaling session, to read, to pray, to meditate, to do all of those healthy things that make a huge impact on how the rest of my day goes. Here's what we're really doing with these habits. We're establishing keystone habits. These things that once we build confidence in them and once we can routinely do them without feeling as much initial resistance, then not only do they make the rest of our days easier, they make the rest of our lives easier, and that confidence carries forward into other habits and areas of our lives when we start them out. You can probably think of a habit or an area of your life that you feel a lot of confidence in. And one of the things that I hope you realize with these habits is you can carry this confidence through. If you've done one hard thing that is maybe difficult to establish a routine habit in and be consistent with, like if I know that I can create a consistent exercise habit, that gave me a lot of confidence to create a consistent writing habit and journaling habit. And the other thing that, that helped me with, or here's another example, when I was creating a weekly YouTube video with my channel, my main YouTube channel, that gave me a lot of confidence to know if I can create YouTube videos, I can probably talk to a mic and create a podcast. Okay, I'm pretty confident that I can put together a system in order to do that. So you can think of these bigger keystone habits that you have that not only do they make some of these smaller habits a little bit easier to do— another good example is if you have a consistent healthy exercise habit, it doesn't really matter what type of exercise that is— it will compel you more to create a healthy eating habit. Because when you exercise, you want to give your body good food, and when you give your body good food, you feel like you have more energy, so you feel like exercising more. Creates a very positive virtuous cycle because you establish that first keystone habit. Another concept that I want to connect the dots on that I referenced earlier and just want to tie together and complete the loop for you now is the difference between what is the system and what is a goal. Now, one of the things that James Clear was inspired by is another book by Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, and It's called How to Lose at Everything and Still Win Big. Great book. And in this, he shares a concept of systems versus goals. And he argues that you should reach for systems. You should seek to create and optimize healthy systems for yourself instead of going after these goals, because goals usually by definition are something that has a definitive end. And if you just keep going towards things that have definitive ends or outcomes, then you feel like you're on this never-ending goal, goal train of just like, what am I going to do next? What am I going to do next? I don't feel like doing that anymore. And I am not in the camp that says goals are entirely not wrong or bad, but I still think goals are worth setting because they give you a bar at which to measure yourself against, even if that bar is just against yourself. However, what I do think is really healthy, especially early on, is seeking to create and optimize healthy systems for yourself. Now, another really good example of this is, say, in the exercise space. And so what a lot of people do, especially at the beginning of the year, is you might say, I want to lose X amount of weight, or I want to gain X amount of muscle, or I want to complete this fitness challenge or goal. So it might be like, I want to get— I want to lose 10 pounds, or I want to run a half marathon. Okay, those are pretty common things that I know a lot of people go after, kind of shoot for at the beginning of the year. That's an example of a goal. You have an outcome that you want to achieve. But I want to encourage you to focus on the system that you're creating instead. So what does that mean? Instead, I would think about how can you create a system where you are exercising 3 times a week? And if you can be consistent with that system habit, then you are going to naturally get in the kind of shape where you could go run a half marathon. It's the same thing for writing. A lot of people at the beginning of the year may think, this is the year I write my book, and that's great. But I think instead what you should think about is, can I write 3 pages a day, 500 words a day? Because if you follow that system, then naturally you are eventually going to write enough pages and enough words that your book is complete. Stephen King is an amazing example of this. Some people joke that he gets paid by the inch because his books are like so huge. I don't even buy his books in like actual form because my entire bookshelf behind me would just be Stephen King books. Those are total Kindle buys for me. But what his goal is, what his system is, is not to write a new book every 3 to 4 months, even though he gets kind of close to that. Instead, his system is to write 6 pages a day. See the difference there? He's not saying, "I'm going to write The Stand or The Dark Tower series." That's what happens. Those are my two favorite Stephen King books/series, by the way. And that's just a outcome of following his system. You see what I mean? Let's stay on Mr. King for just a moment more because there is a great interview where actually he and George R.R. Martin, the author of the Game of Thrones series, are on a panel together and the panel— the guy who's leading the panel has given them an opportunity to cross-examine or ask questions of each other. And Martin is asking King, how do you write so many books? And King goes into just basically explaining his system of I write 6 pages a day. The other thing that I really like is he describes his kind of on-ramp habit, his routine of how he gets in the mood for writing. Now the kind of joke with that is I'm sure that every day he doesn't feel in the mood and he writes anyway, which is a whole, you know, a whole other thing about creativity and the views and doing the work, as Steven Pressfield would put it. But he talks about how he gets into the mood for writing by following this routine. He goes into his office at roughly like, I think, 8:30 or 9 o'clock in the morning. He has the same cup of tea. He has a particular song that is playing. And when he opens his laptop or whatever he's using to write, especially if it's a computer— I love this, I actually stole this trick is whatever program he's using to write, that is just what's up and open on the computer when he opens it up. And so I love that. I started to do that myself as well. So when I closed down my computer for the night, I made sure that like all my web browsers were closed, that like all these different programs were closed, and the only thing that I left open in the morning was whatever I wanted to work on first the next day. So often that is writing, but it could also be like if I'm editing a video or editing a podcast and just doing that of like not even having to search or open or get distracted by anything, just like this is what I need to be writing or editing for first thing in the morning when I open up my computer, it's right there. So that's another example of how you can design your environment for positive habit outcomes. There are a couple of other key concepts that I want to hit for you when it comes to habits, systems, routines, having all of these things in place. The first and most important— maybe I should have said this earlier— but it's start small with your habit. Build consistency. Be consistent so that you can build momentum The reason that this is so valuable is because we want to create that system. See how we're connecting these things? The system is what matters, not necessarily the outcome, especially if it's something that you want to do for a long time, something that you want to make a part of your life. For example, one of the things that I did with this episode, with just the podcast in general, is that I consistently did a few— some of you may remember this—. But I did a few shorter live streams on my main YouTube channel, like 20-ish, 30 minutes, and they were very casual. They were very low-key, but it gave me enough consistency and confidence to move into, okay, people are interested in this. I feel good doing it. I've created a YouTube video habit. I'm pretty sure I can translate that into a podcast creation habit. I want you to think about how you can do that in your own life. If you want to start an exercise habit, maybe one of the things that you can do is instead of trying to go out and say, I'm going to run 3 miles 3 times a week, or, you know, run 3 miles every single day, that is a system and that is a habit, but it might be a little too much at the beginning. I want to give you tools and mental models to think about how you can build consistency and momentum So you're able to keep doing this over a long period of time. One of the best ways to do that is to start small. So what I want you to think about, especially if this is a habit that you don't have much experience in, is just focus on starting small and doing the little things well first. So say if it's something like running, just focus on going out and running or even power walking for 10 or 15 minutes, 5 minutes even. And then another thing, say with writing, is maybe you just write 100 words or 1 paragraph, something that almost seems laughably small. You could do 1 push-up, whatever it is. Think about how you can start small. Now remember, I mentioned BJ Fogg's tiny habits research, and his most famous example of this is the one-tooth test. Test. He had a research study where he divided up his groups into the outcome of how many nights, how many days over the next 30 days do you floss your teeth. The other group, he said, hey, all you have to do is floss one tooth during the day. Just floss one tooth and you can check that box off for actually flossing. And wouldn't you know it, The group that he said just floss one tooth, of course they ended up flossing more teeth, but all of them flossed more. Professor Fogg did a similar study with running, actually, and he told one group, see how many days, like, your goal is to run, but see how many days you run over the next month. And the tiny habit group, he only told them your only thing that you have to do is put on your shoes and go outside. And you might think, and I thought initially, like, that's kind of silly. That's literally not even running. At least with the tooth thing, you could say like, all right, they flossed one tooth. But just putting on your shoes and going outside, that's literally not even running. But that group who said all you have to do is put your shoes on and go outside, once you've done those steps, you're like, all right, I might as well run. Or maybe he said something like, you know, just go down to your mailbox or out of your apartment complex, whatever it is. But still not really that much running. But they all ran a higher average of days in the month than the group that just said, hey, let me know how many days you run over the past month. Another great example of this is the creator, dancer, choreographer Twyla Tharp. And she tells a story of a habit system, a routine that she had for getting to the studio in the morning. And she said her goal wasn't actually to go to the studio and dance. Her habit, her system, was to just get dressed and go out to the— go out on the street and hail a cab. She lived in New York City. And when you think about that, this is when you get in the cab, when she would get in the cab and say, take me to the studio, then when you get there, you're like, okay, well, I'm here, I might as well dance. I've completed the boot-up routine, I might as well go through with it and do a little bit of something. And when you start doing a little bit of something, as long as you are being consistent, then you're going to start doing a little bit more and you're going to build confidence. And at the very least, you might just think like, well, I'm here, I might as well do this thing, complete this habit. Like, say you want to write more this year, or you want to journal more consistently. It may feel intimidating to think or try to write 1,000 words, especially if you get stuck. This is something that at times I've had trouble with the, say, morning pages— 3 pages with the morning pages routine in journaling. But if you just think to yourself instead, like, take it from a task-based approach of I am going to run 3 miles, I am going to write 1,000 words, I am going to brain dump 3 pages in my journal. Those are all examples of task-based systems. Instead, you can flip it into time. Now, you do still have to do the thing for that amount of time, which can feel silly, but instead you'd say to yourself, well, I'm going to run for 15-30 minutes, I am going to sit at the computer and write for 30 minutes. No matter how many words I actually get out, I'm going to be there for 30 minutes. I am going to sit with my journal for 15, 20, 30 minutes, and that's what I'm going to do. That's the habit. That's the system. It doesn't matter how many miles I run. It doesn't matter how many words I write or how many pages I get through in my journal. I have to do the thing. I have to complete the system, that habit loop. And what you'll often find when you do that is you'll at least build that consistency in showing up, which is so key. Showing up is so key that you'll just start to think like, well, okay, let's just start writing. I mean, I'm going to be here, I might as well start writing. I might as well start running. I might as well start exercising. I might as well like start journaling a little bit more. Because anytime you start a new habit, there are going to be peaks and valleys. We talked about this in the first episode, or maybe it was the third episode. I believe it was the first episode. There are going to be peaks and valleys with how you get into a new habit. You're going to start out at the beginning of the year and really hammer it and do great for a few days or a few weeks and then, you know, go into a bit of a valley. You're like, ah, haven't done it in a little while. Am I still any good at this? I lost my momentum. I've broken my New Year's resolutions. This is terrible. I'm terrible. We're down in that valley. And if we can pull ourselves out of it, you know, you can get up to, you know, get up to another peak. Maybe you'll get into a little bit more of a peak than you had before. And like, okay, I'm doing this, I'm crushing it. I came back, this is great. And then most likely at some time, all of us are kind of going to go back into that valley, especially early on. You're going to have these peaks and valleys that can lead to kind of these habit mood swings of like, I'm awesome, I'm terrible. But if you, again, if you stay consistent with it, and especially if you're trying to pull yourself out of a valley, one of the things that can be really useful— let's go back a little bit— is just starting small again. So even if you had this 1,000-word-a-day writing habit and you broke the chain, then just starting back with 100 if you can't get to 1,000. Just starting with that 15, 30 minutes of like, I'm gonna sit at my keyboard, I'm gonna write. That will help you get back into it, pull yourself out of the valley to reach your next peak. Another concept that I want you to think about with this, especially helpful when it comes to the comparison trap of like, this person's posting on social media about how they wrote 1,000 words a day, or they closed all their Apple Watch activity rings for the entire year. You know what I'm talking about. And we feel bad about where we are. There are two tricks to this. One is to avoid the comparison trap by only comparing yourself to yourself. And to borrow another term from athletics, I want you in 2021 to really focus on your own personal records. Okay, so think about like, how many miles have I run in a week or a month before? How many days? Can I beat that? Of course within reasonable health, how many days in a row have I journaled in the past? Can I beat that? Can I do better than I did in the past? Not better than, you know, some other person that maybe I know, maybe I don't. I just see them on, I just see them on social media talking about how great things are. I know that's, I can't tell, I know it's unavoidable and really difficult to detach ourselves from. But focus on your own PRs this year. And even if you're not listening to this at the beginning of a new year, think about how you can just focus on improving yourself and hitting your own personal records. The more that you do that, the more that you build confidence and trust in yourself. And this is what I want to leave you with because it's so key and it's so important, something that I'm seeing more and more in my own life. In the lives of people that I work with, clients that I have, is the ability to trust your own expertise and experience in the choices that you make in life. And the only way that you can do that is, you know, showing up man/woman in the arena style, as Teddy Roosevelt famously said. You're showing up in the arena to do the work, and you're trying to be better than you were yesterday. That steady 1% incremental improvement can lead to so many positive things down the road in your life. And the other powerful thing of building this confidence and trust in yourself is even when you hit those valleys, even when you hit those valleys, you can have like that memory and that confidence that you have done this thing in the past. When I go— and it's true, I do— when I go a few weeks or even a month, a couple of months without journaling, I know that I can do it again. I know that I just have to start with a sentence, a paragraph, get to a page. And I've done all of that in the past, so I have a confidence that I can do it again. It's the same thing with exercising. If I wasn't to exercise for a week or two or a month or whatever, I wouldn't personally think that, oh my gosh, I can't lose this weight. I can't get in shape again. I can't do like X, Y, or Z because I haven't been doing it for a month or two. I know that I can get back to like a fitness level that I want to be at, a weight that I want to be at, a way of health that I want to be at. Everyone listening to this podcast, everyone watching it on YouTube, you have those same things in your life. It might be different, it might be similar to mine, but I want you to spend some time this week thinking about what are the parts of my life, the things that I have confidence in myself in, and I want you to try and borrow some of that confidence for other parts of your life. Like, just to be totally transparent, I didn't have a lot of confidence a year ago definitely 2 years ago in my ability to make enough money consistently to run my own business. I thought that the YouTube channel and an eventual podcast, coaching, other products— I thought for the most part those were always going to be on the side for me because I wasn't confident enough in my ability to make enough money to make it happen. And a mentor of mine, Jeff Goins, wisely gave me this like transference of confidence metaphor. And he's like, Matt, take these other things that you're really confident in yourself in, like look at your past performance with making money as well. He showed me all these things that I was kind of blind to. You've done this well, and you've done this well, and you've raised your salary this way. You can do this thing. And would you ever feel bad or sad about not working out for 2 weeks? Would you ever feel panicked because you gained 5 or 10 pounds? I was like, no, I know that I'll start working out again. I know that I can lose 10 pounds, no big deal. He's like, you can transfer that same confidence over time to how you make money. So even when you make a bad decision or like you spend money unwisely, it doesn't mean that you're not able to make money back, that you're not able to still provide. That things aren't still going to happen for you and your business. And that was just like such a big, like, awakening for me. So I hope it is for you as well. This episode is coming out on January 4th, 2021, the first Monday of the new year. So I hope it finds you happy and healthy and ready to take on great habits in the new year and also ready to strengthen the healthy habits that you already have. If you have a thought or comment about this episode, I encourage you to leave a comment on the YouTube channel. That's one way you could do it. You can also email me directly: matt@mattragland.com. And if you would, it would mean so much to me if you went on to Apple Podcasts particularly It's the only place you can leave reviews. And if you think this deserves a 5-star rating and review, please do that. It would mean a ton to me. And it also really helps the podcast grow. In the early days, in the first month, if we get more downloads, subscribes, you know, 5-star rating and reviews really helps the podcast grow. It'll show up in Apple a little bit more. And yeah, more people can learn about Connect the Dots, which would mean a ton to me. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for watching. Subscribe, rate, review to the podcast on your favorite player, on the YouTube channel. Everything is in the show notes and the description below. Thank you so much, and I'll see you next week on another episode of Connect the Dots. Bye.