070 How Are You, Really? with Jenna Kutcher

Hey there, real quick before we jump into the episode, listen, if your earnings treadmill hasn't set you free yet, running faster won't either. Listen, hustle without principles just going to burn you out. So here's what I want for you. I want you to join me for my money machine experience live. It is three free trainings. Deep dive into how to escape the treadmill and build a money machine that actually works for you. All right, grab your spot here by going to moneymachinelive.com and I'll see you in the free training. Oh, my God. This one. This one's a special one as I have a special special guest, a dear, dear friend of mine, Jenna Kutcher. She is the host of the Gold Digger podcast, one of the top podcasts around when it comes to marketing and things like that. She started out as a wedding photographer. She became an entrepreneur, but more importantly, she's a mom of two beautiful little girls, a wife and. And such. Such a person. That is an example of how do you live life on purpose? How do you create that? How do you live an enriched life in doing that? And you all know that as an affluent entrepreneur, one of the key elements is having a richer lifestyle. How do you experience it? How do you feel it? It's not just about the wealth. Well, in this session where Jen and I have a chance to chat, we're talking about her new upcoming book that is released now called How Are youe really? It is epic. You gotta get it. But we're talking about some of the things in there. How do we find happiness? How do we find that enrichment in life beyond chasing material possessions? Now, we can talk about the wealth and all of that type of stuff, but here's the thing. If you're looking to protect your peace, the book and this episode is for you. If you're looking to have a passionate life that doesn't feel like it's spiraling all around a career, the book in this episode is for you. If you are looking at it and saying, gosh, I'm just scared to do something, and fear seems to be your greatest obstacle. The book in this episode is for you. Okay? And if you're falling into cycles of pleasing everyone else instead of yourself, then the book in this episode is for you. Because Jenna is dropping some gold and she's opening things up so you start to understand how do you live a richer lifestyle, just like we do as an affluent entrepreneur. So welcome to this episode of the Affluent Entrepreneur Show. I'll see you in the episode With Jenna. This one is going to change your life. See you there.

This is the Affluent Entrepreneur show for entrepreneurs that want to operate at a high level and achieve financial liberation. I'm your host, Mel Abraham, and I'll be sharing with you what it takes to create success beyond wealth so you can have a richer, more fulfilling lifestyle. In this show, you'll learn how business and money intersect so you can scale your business, scale your money, and scale your life while creating a deeper impact and living with complete freedom, because that's what it really means to be an athlete entrepreneur.

Hey there, Jenna. So good to have you on the show. It's been, well, a long time coming, and you've got some exciting stuff, and I'm so glad you're here, friend.

Well, thank you for having me. I listened to your show specifically. I inspired an episode that you did for how people can be planning for for the next generations ahead. I was like, this is what I need as a mom. And I sent it out to even my parents to listen to. So I am a listener and a dear friend and someone who's very excited to be here.

Oh, my God. So good. And I don't know if I told you, but we're expecting our second grandchild now.

My gosh, that's so amazing. January.

So we'll replay that episode. What do you do when you got two?

That's right.

So, yeah, you've got some exciting news when we go. When this episode airs, you are releasing your first book called How Are you really? And this book is kind of interesting because you're so well known for. Well, you're well known for a lot of things. Marketing and teaching and training and all that stuff. But this book isn't about that. And this is really a book about you having a conversation of realness with people. One of the key aspects of what we focus on is in the affluence blueprint and the affluent entrepreneurs. How do you create richness in life, that experience, that feeling, that joy? And this book really hits on it. I mean, you say that most humans don't spend time confronting the feelings of their unhappiness in life, and they don't want to sit in that discomfort and all that stuff. And. And so I'd love to hear, because I know you've been through a whole lot of stuff in the last. I don't know, call it three years.

Yeah.

In life.

Yeah.

And more so because you. You're so good about letting people into your life. I gotta get better at that. But so said I For someone that is listening or watching and sitting back and expecting. From Jenna Kutcher, a business book, a marketing book. Why this book? Why?

I love that question. You know, it's fascinating because it's like, I host Gold Digger podcast, number one marketing podcast. All of these things. I love business and strategy. Like, strategy is my superpower. I love it. But you know what's funny, Mel is even in the process of writing, I think a lot of times, like life, God, the universe gives you what you really need to learn. And initially, I did start writing a business book. I started writing about branding and marketing and strategy and all these things. But I kind of had this realization that I needed to widen the lens, because for me, entrepreneurship is the vehicle to this life that I'm awake to. But entrepreneurship is not a prerequisite to enjoy your life, to move through your days in ways that give you a full life, a life of impact. And it works for me, but it's not for everyone. I think entrepreneurship is not for the faint of heart. And it was really interesting because my first career was as a wedding photographer. And when I went through the formal publishing process, I basically had to visualize widening the lens. Like, when I thought about, like, where do I want my book to show up in Barnes and Noble or in Target? Do I want it in the business section, or do I want this to be like a life manual, Like a philosophy that anyone can adopt. It's not just reserved for me or for you or for this special few. Like, we are called to, like, be awake to our lives and to live into our truths and to, like, really, you know, not just fake loving our lives, but really genuinely love the depth of them. And so I love strategy, and I love all of those things, and I'll never stop talking about them. But for me, those are just the means to get to the right way of life. And it's just something that I have come to learn, so much so, and that I'm so excited to share with the world.

It's so good because I. I look at things and say, we don't. We actually don't want wealth. We actually want richness, and we don't want. We don't need the money. Except for the fact that the money allows us to buy the moments and to. And that if we truly measured our wealth in time versus dollars, then we would understand what true richness is. And I think you did that because you hit burnout.

Two babies, an amazing husband, and all that, but you hit burnout. And this is part of what comes out of this book of really starting to reprioritize life in that kind of what transpired.

Yeah, it's really interesting, Mel. I was listening to a meditation earlier, and it said this line, and I was like, oh, we all need this. And it was like, where there was once fire, so many of us feel like ashes right now. Like, we don't feel like passionate humans. We have been in survival mode. We have faced uncertainty for years on end. Like, all of these things that we've lived through. It's like, I feel like the world is in this state of ashes. And in the meditation, it said, all it takes is one ember. Right? Right. We just need one ember and the right person or people or ideas or curiosities to fan that flame. And, you know, for me, when I look at burnout, it's like, all I needed was just to find that ember and to, like, be entrusted with the right people or the right messages or the right mediums to, like, get back to that flame state. And it's really fascinating because I actually, like, I don't do burnout anymore. Like, I can literally just say, I don't do burnout, because I won't. I refuse to in this way of life, because burnout is not a full life, and the things that lead to burnout are not sustainable. It's so easy to recognize once you've hit burnout, where you went wrong, and you're a fool if you keep doing that, if you keep hitting the wall again and again and again. And so it talks about, like, how you know you can have if you're in a place of burnout, how to use it as a breakthrough, but also beyond that, how to stop doing that cycle, how to stop repeating it. Because as humans, it's like we have this tendency of, like, crazy passion and obsession. And then we work so hard, hard, hard, and we push harder, and we achieve these goals, and they don't feel the way we think they should. So we just think, well, surely I must just need more. Instead of evaluating, am I going in the right path? Is this the right thing for me? We just think, surely I need more. And that just leads us to that place of burnout. And burnout is not where creativity lives or is birthed, and burnout is not where I was. This place that we can climb out of easily and become passionate again. And so it's like, if you're feeling like ashes today, how do we find that ember? And then how do you fill your life with the things that Fan that flame again.

Gotta love this. I love. And here's the other thing that I hope all the listeners and viewers get. Burnout actually can come from doing too much. Yeah. But it can also come from doing the wrong things. The friction, the resistance. And you don't understand it, you don't know why, but there's this angst and just this discomfort inside. And I think of it a lot like a festering splinter that is just. It's festering, it feels bad, but you don't know where the splinter. You can't get at it and you don't know what it is and everything. And until you get, until you take that out, there is no peace. And you just wonder why things just feel off.

It's really interesting because I think a lot of people these days are moving through their lives and they're not even feeling their feelings. It's like we're almost just avoiding getting quiet with ourselves because as achievers, as go getters, which your listeners are, it's like if I'm honest with myself and I say like I'm not okay, then I have to do something about that. And I don't know if I'm willing to do something about that or I don't know what I need to do. And it's really like that where it's like we have gotten so good at faking enjoying our lives that we've forgotten that they actually can be enjoyed. Right?

Yeah.

It's this hyper digital world where it's like everyone is, you know, looking at their life as a peer reviewed journal and collecting feedback and leveraging that and showing up in a certain way. But it's like, who are you when you're by yourself when nobody's watching? And how do you feel about yourself when you're alone with yourself? And those are some of the scariest questions. But I think those are some of the most freeing questions. It's about like when you live your truth, you are this undeniable force that inspires, that impacts. Passion is contagious. And I think a lot of us are walking through life without passion and we're wondering why we aren't feeling better and we're blaming ourselves. Surely something must be wrong with me that I'm not enjoying my life. But really there's this line in the book that says like, maybe it didn't work for you because it didn't come from you. And I think a lot of us are trying to move through life taking other people's maps and we're never honest about where we're starting from. If you pop in a GPS and you put a destination. If I said I'm going to come to Mel's house, but I'm starting in Kentucky and I'm not honest that I'm in Minnesota, I'm not going to get to where you are.

Right.

And so it's like, how do we get honest with ourselves about where we're starting from so that we can move in the right direction?

I love this because I think and I look at, like, even my cancer journey.

Yeah.

That was confronting about life, about what my priorities are, what is important. And as much as I thought I had it together, I didn't.

Yeah.

I really didn't. You know, I probably. I may have had it together more than some, but. But not as well as I could have. And. And I think that either we confront those stories or those demons or whatever we want to call them, or they will in time confront us.

Yes. Yeah.

And we can't hide from it forever.

Yeah. There's a line in the book that it's like talking about our bodies are talking to us and we're not listening. And it's like these pings and it's like, how often are you gonna ignore the notifications? It's like we're moving through life with do not disturb mode on and we're not paying attention to, like, our gut feelings or our body feelings or things like that. It's like things are trying to tell you what's going on and you're just not listening. The noise of the world is too loud. You've turned the dial down too much on your own life. And it's fascinating. It is, it's. It's interesting. And I think too, you know, for me, loss has been my greatest teacher. And when you look at, like, your own journey, Mel, it's like the loss of that identity before was a really big teacher for you. It was a massive wake up call of, like, what does matter? Like, how am I moving through my days? Because my days are my life. Right. And if what I'm doing today doesn't excite me or doesn't light me up or doesn't make an impact or isn't a part of my legacy, then, like, something has to shift, Something has to change.

Yeah. I mean, someone asked, you know, has the cancer changed you? And I go, yeah, it's. It's made it easier for me to say no.

Yes. Should we talk about boundaries? Oh, my gosh.

There's a line in the book that says boundaries don't keep things and people out of your life. They keep you in your life and feel good. Boundaries have been the real MVP of my life. I. I have a joke that I'm like, I'm surprised I don't have that word tattooed on my body somewhere, because, you know, it said that, like, I had so much fear that, like, boundaries would, like, keep things out of my life or keep opportunities out, but they actually unlocked my greatness in a way that would have never been possible. And I know specifically, more specifically for women, but also for men as well, is it's like, we're people pleasers. We want to make people happy. We don't want to know what's on the other side of no, and we definitely don't want to be the person that says no. But what's so fascinating to me is, like, boundaries keep me present in my life. They protect my best yeses. Because when you hit a point in your life where you recognize that every time you say yes to something or someone or an opportunity, you're saying an equal no to something else. And when you're saying no to the things that you claim you value the most, then it's no wonder you're not happy or you don't feel the richness of life. It's so interesting.

You know, we get so focused on acquiring, achieving, accomplishing, protecting the money and trying to make the money and do all of that, and. And yet.

Money is in flow all the time. It's abundant. We can have access to it. We can recreate it. If we lost it, I've proven it. You've proven it.

Yep.

But time, on the other hand, we. We're willing to waste our time. We're willing to give it away freely because we've devalued it with the expectation that it's just time. But, yeah, truly, that's the most precious commodity.

Mm. It's interesting because I said for years I would never write a book, like, with utter certainty. I was like, I will never do this. I don't get it. I don't know why anyone would do it. And when I look back, someone asked me today, well, were you afraid? And I said, no. It had nothing to do with fear, and it had everything to do with the trade off of time and money. And what I mean by that is, for so much of our lives, we. We're in this season of, like, freely giving our time to earn money, Right? Like, that's how the world works. It's like, you spend your time and your energy and you earn money. But at some point, if you are fortunate enough, there comes a tipping point where you will happily trade your money to get back time. Whether it's hiring someone to mow your lawn, or to deliver you food, or to get your groceries brought to your house, whatever that is. And for me, like, writing a book, I always was just looking at it in terms of time and money, and I was like, it just doesn't make sense. You spend two years of your life, like, on one project. I just don't get it. But it was so fascinating because when it finally became about neither of those things and only about the message and the mission, it totally changed everything. I was like, screw both of those things. This is the most worthy investment of both of them. I will do anything to get this out into the world. And so it's really interesting because I think so many of us are moving through life that way, where it's like just this trade off of time, money, and in that we lose this opportunity for the mission to be out. And so it's a really interesting thing. But it's. Books are so crazy because it's like, I get. Every author is so obsessed with their book now. You better be if you're working on something for two years straight. Right? It's crazy.

Yeah. It is not. That is definitely not for the faint of heart.

No.

You know, and this thing is gonna. I mean, I'm blessed to be part of it in the sense that it's going to change lives at a time that I think our society and our world need it the most to re examine our priorities, re examine what life is about, re examine the values that maybe we are driving us even unconsciously. I mean, we don't even know it sometimes. I know that I was just kind of going along the way. And we don't have to wait for a cancer or a tragedy or anything. We actually have control. And you hit on this in the book to simply ask some powerful questions and to examine our life and know that as much as it's confronting, it's really empowering.

Yes. Yes. And enriching.

Yes.

Like, when we think about, like, I remember when I was writing my book, someone said to me, like, oh, your book is going to empower so many people. And then they go, wait, no, that's not the word I'm looking for. It's enriching. And when we were working on the book, enriched was one of the working titles, because I loved that word where it's like, the riches are here. We're just Missing them. Like, you don't have to go out and gather more or, like, push the finish line further away. Like, they're here. You're just not awake to them. And I think too, when you think about, like, your journey, Mal, or like, our journey with pregnancy loss and stuff, it gives you this different perspective where you said, like, I didn't come out the same person. You're not meant to come out the same person. Like, if you came out the same person, you missed this opportunity to reframe, to grow. And we're missing it. We're missing it. The thing is, is it's not a lost cause. It's not too late. It's never too late to wake up to your life. It's so exciting to me because when I started working on the book, I remember asking my editor, like, why did you choose me in this book? And she said something I will never forget. And she said, the world that we live in is so polarizing today. It feels black and white in so many places. And she said there are two camps that a lot of people find themselves between. It's either the hustle culture, the wake up earlier, push harder, do more, never log off. I always say yes. And the manifesting side, just say that you want a million dollars and it'll come into your life and believe that. And she said, you meet in the middle. You are living and working and breathing through where the woo meets the work, where you hold these big visions, but you lace up your sneakers, where you inch your way forward in a sustainable way, where you're awake to your dreams, but you're working towards them. And I love that because, like, it's like, how do we invite more gray into our lives in this pursuit of whatever it is we're pursuing, whether it's financial security or more freedom, more stability or more wealth. How do we do it in a way where we honor these greater visions for our lives, but don't miss the vision of our reality? And so it's a really exciting book for an exciting time because I just believe that we're forced to feel like we have to choose one way or the other. And it's like, no, no. We can do this in a way that is sustainable and in a way that's enjoyable.

I love this. So one of the key words I use, I love enriched, because I use that word when I was just speaking this last week. But I also use affluence, and a lot of people confuse it with opulence. And the funny thing is that to me, an Affluent life is a meaningful life. It brings joy from the inside. That's one part of it. Then it's an impactful life. It brings change from the outside. Then it's a fruitful life. So that has to do with material possessions and money. But then the last aspect of it is that it's a peaceful life.

Yes.

And I think that that peace comes from knowing that you're on your journey, not your neighbors, not your parents, not societies, not your college degree, not any of it, but your personal journey, and you're true to your values, your desires and your vision.

Yes. Someone asked me lately, how do you define success? And I said that I feel peace in my life and at ease with what I'm about to do for my day. And it's that difference between force and flow. And I think so many of us are moving through life just thinking and believing that if we just force it a little harder, we'll get there. And, man, it is so different when you are aligned and when you trust yourself and you trust that, you know, momentum can be created at any time and you can press the brake pedal at any time and know where the gas pedal lies. Like, you move through life in such a different way. And I love that because nobody talks about it, but everyone wants more peace in their lives. Yeah, that's all we want. We want to go to bed at the end of the day and say, job well done, and I can't wait for tomorrow. We want to wake up in the morning and say, thank you, God, for another opportunity. And I'm going to use it well, but I'm going to use it in a way that fills me up and not drains me. And it's like, that's what we all want, right?

Oh, so true. So true. Gosh, I can't wait for this book to be in millions of people's hands because. And their lives, because it's. Yeah, it's just. I remember. I remember the first time I met you, there was just an energy about you. And as they got to know you, the heart, the soul of. Of who you are and how you show up and the love you have for life and people is. And it comes through in your show. It comes. It comes through in the book. It comes through just in how you. You show up in people's lives. And so.

As we. Because I know we have a short amount of time as we close out, what. What are the. Maybe the last things that you might want to leave the listeners, the viewers with before. And we'll make sure that We. We hook up all the links to your. Your podcast, the book how are you really? And all the things. Jenna, that. Because you can't get enough Jenna in your life.

No, you're amazing. You know what's so interesting is somebody asked recently, like, who are you writing for? And I have two daughters now, and the whole heartbeat was, like, thinking about them someday feeling lost or off path in their life, and picking up that book and not learning how to be like Jenna or how to be more like mom, but, like, how to come home to myself. And when I think about that, it's this invitation for all of us to check in. It's this invitation to say, where am I? Where do I want to go? And how do I want to move there? How do I want to get there? And the subtitle is living your truth one answer at a time. Not living Jenna's truth or how to be more like Jenna. It's how to come back to yourself. So it's an invitation for all of us, and I am so excited to get it out into the world. I feel so. Just. I don't know, I just feel peace and ease in this process because it's just not forced. It's so been so amazing. And so, yeah, you can pick it up@howareally book.com or just search how are you really? It's a great question for yourself and for others. And, yeah, I'm so excited to have it out in the world.

Listen, y', all, I. I hope that all of you not just get one book, but that you get multiple books, because this is something that gets a chance to get in people's lives, to show them a pathway to enriching their lives, to creating something that is greater than where they are today and to give them hope back in their life. I mean, Jenna is a living example of God just living on purpose, with purpose, with intention, and unafraid to say no, unafraid to put boundaries up. And it's through those boundaries that her quality of life, the richness of her life, has grown and shown as an example for the rest of us to follow. And so, Jenna, I am blessed.

For our friendship, our journey together. I love you dearly and the things that you do, and I can't wait to just continue to support this journey with you.

Okay, before I sign off, I have to tell you, for everyone listening, Mel is better than you could even believe. And I think what's so beautiful is, like, when we get to have these relationships offline and behind closed doors and, you know, get to meet up in wonderful places and connect on a human level. It's just really cool because they always say, like, never meet your heroes, but, like, I hope you get to meet Mel because you wouldn't be disappointed. I love the work that you do and the support you offer and the way that you do it and the way that you show up as a friend and getting to watch you transform even in your healing journey and learn how to ask for help, which is a chapter in the book Pride's Utter Chokehold. It's been.

I need to reread that a few times.

Yes. But it's been. It's been beautiful. So I just want your listeners to know, like, you are listening to the right show and if you are feeling like ashes, you are fanning that ember with the right person by being here with Mel today. So I just wanted to say that.

Jenna, you're gonna make. You're gonna. You're gonna make me cry.

Well, I hope they're happy tears, as Coco call are. I love you, buddy. Thank you so much for being you.

Oh, thank you, too. And I love you, too.

This is so fun. You're the best.

Thank you for listening to the Affluent Entrepreneur show with me, your host, Mel Abraham. If you want to achieve achieve financial liberation to create an affluent lifestyle, join me in the Affluent Entrepreneur Facebook group now by going to melabraham.com group and I'll see you there.

And that's it for this episode of Building youg Money Machine, where we help you learn how to master your money, eliminate financial stress, and live a life of choice. If you found this valuable or helpful to you, here's what I'd love for you to do. If you do me a favor. Go to Apple, Apple Podcast, or wherever you're listening to this podcast and rate and review the show. It helps us tremendously to keep us at the top of the list so we can continue to get this information and this message out to people. Because I truly believe that financial freedom is your birthright, and I want to help each and every one of you claim it. Thanks so much.