#1 Performance Coach Reveals The Mindset You Need To Succeed | Ben Newman

Hey there, real quick before we jump into the episode, listen, if your earnings treadmill hasn't set you free yet, running faster won't either. Listen, hustle without principles just going to burn you out. So here's what I want for you. I want you to join me for my money machine experience live. It is three free trainings. Deep dive into how to escape the treadmill and build a money machine that actually works for you. All right, grab your spot here by going to moneymachinelive.com and I'll see you in the free training. Holy moly. So sometimes you just meet someone.

That you connect with at a deep level that has can elevate you to be more in your life. And I just finished an interview with someone that we met recently, but we have this deep connection.

Because we're cut from the same cloth because I see so much of what he does in the world. Ben Newman is one of the most amazing coaches, mindset coaches out there. He's a two time Wall Street Journal author. And we go into this conversation, yeah, we talk a bit about money and everything, but we actually talk about how do you live your life, a rich life, how do you live it fully, how do you get in there and raise your standard and be the example that you should be and everything. And it's just an amazing interview with an even more incredible person that I know that you're gonna, you're gonna watch it, you're gonna listen to it and you go, I gotta listen to this again. Ben Newman is amazing. So enjoy this episode of the affluent entrepreneur show and I'd love to hear what you think. This is the affluent entrepreneur show for entrepreneurs that wanna operate at a high level and achieve financial liberation. I'm your host, Mel Abraham and I'll be sharing with you what it takes to, to create success beyond wealth so you can have a richer, more fulfilling lifestyle. In this show, you'll learn how business and money intersect so you can scale your business, scale your money and scale your life while creating a deeper impact and living with complete freedom. Because that's what it really means to be an affluent entrepreneur.

I can't believe you're here. Ben Newman. So good to have you on the show. My friend.

Mel, it is always great to be with you and thank you so much for having me.

Oh, man. So this is, this is just so they know and I did it a little bit in the introduction, but the. There's just something, y', all when you, you hear this interview as you spend time with Ben, it's not going to take long to find out that Ben is a special guy. He just the way he shows up in the world, the way he does things.

The heart, the soul, the gut that he has and the way he drives things is huge. And I think that it's important for us to think about this because this is going to reflect on you when it comes to your business, your money, your life and everything. And so Ben and I have not known each other for very long, truth be told.

But it feels like we've known each other for a lifetime.

We come from the same cloth. And so good to have this conversation with you, Ben. For those that maybe don't know who Ben Newman is, first off, shame on you. You all need to know. And second, maybe just give us an idea of who you are, what you've done. I mean, two time Wall Street Journal bestselling author, you've got so much good going on and you are impacting so many lives. It's, it's amazing to watch.

Well, Mel, first off, thank you again for, for having me on. And we have to clear up one thing. This is very important. This is the Affluent Entrepreneur show. And I feel like I have accomplished nothing on my journey and I'm not even close to affluent when I take a look at some of the mutual friends that we have, some of the individuals that are an example for us of what it means to do great things in life. So I appreciate you sharing that. I have a special guy that can bring some energy and passion because the affluent part, I am just doing my best to reach the examples that some of our mutual friends set for us. And I think that's probably why we feel like we know each other so well already because of some of the mutual friends that we had. And I'm sure so many of your listeners feel the same way. You meet somebody, it's like, gosh, I feel like I've known Mel for 25 years. But it's because we were brought together from Ed Mylett and when Ed Mylett introduces you, there's this high level mutual respect that you have where you realize Mel must be a special guy and you almost, you bypass so much on that journey to where it's like this immediate connection and I felt that with you, Mal. So I couldn't be more excited for this interview and to be able to share some of the things from my journey and know you could highlight or I could highlight things from my bio now. I'm an emotional dude. I've been through so much in my life. My mentors call me an old soul. I've been to enough therapists, you could probably call me doctor. So I said, let's just get real and some of that other stuff will come out. But just blessed to be able to share some time with you today.

So good. So good. Well, I. I want to jump in because I. I think. I think.

You talk about this idea of the Burn. I mean, we see it. You've got the podcast, the Burn podcast. And let's just talk. Let's just start there. What is, what do you mean by that? What is it? What does that mean to you? Where did that come from? What was the genesis of this? Because it's at the core of everything you do for everyone that you do it for.

You know, I've found in doing this work for 18 years, so 18 plus years, I've had the opportunity to work as a coach, speaker, author in the sports world as well as in the business world. And it started in the business world for me, and then it actually blended over into sports. People see my office and they see all these individuals and championships I've been a part of. But it started corporate. And still 70% of my work is still in the corporate world. Only 30% is in sports. And what I found that the highest performers have in common, like the elite of the elite of the elite, hall of Famers, world champions, NCAA champions, Fortune 10 CEOs, they have a burn that lies inside of that why? On purpose, which a lot of coaches and speakers talk about. And it's very important. Mel. I found in 18 years of doing this, it's not enough. These high performers actually have this underlying burn that ignites your why and your purpose and then causes you to be disciplined on the days you don't want to do it, and especially after you win, and I'm sure we're going to get into it, it comes in many, many different forms for different people. For me, it came from the loss of my mother.

How. What. What was the impact of that? What, when you say came from that? What did that trigger in you? I know that you can get emotional, but I get it.

Oh, yeah. Hey, I'll cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeovers, so if you bring me to tears, I will not be surprised today. But so for me, I believe that when you go through pain and challenge in your life, it actually provides your greatest opportunity to build strength and resilience, and it provides perspective. And I never knew my parents together. My parents were divorced when I was six months old. Handful of years later, My mother is diagnosed with a rare muscle disease called amyloid. Doses. Each and every single one of the listeners and you and myself, we all have amyloids in our muscles. If you have an excess of amyloids, you'd have a disease called amyloidosis. At the time of my mother's diagnosis, two hospitals in the United States treating the disease, Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and the Boston Medical Center. For some reason, my mother's team of Doctors here in St. Louis chose for her to go to Boston. The first time she goes, she meets with a woman by the name of Dr. Martha Skinner, one of the two foremost leading experts in the world for the treatment of amyloidosis. And she tells my mom, you're only the Second woman Under 40 years old we've ever seen or heard of having this disease. And they gave my mother two to four years to live. And whenever I share this story in front of an audience, or if it's coaching or if it's, you know, connecting with a group, I always ask individuals, like, how would you respond? Like if a doctor shared that news with you, how would you respond? And Mel, my mom decided to take out an old blue Mead notebook, just like many of your listeners probably had back in school. It was probably just a different color. And my mother wrote, beat the statistics, beat the odds. Live with the disease that is chronic and fatal. Believe in yourself, combat anything, purpose in life. And it was those words and her knowing she was an example for my brother and I, that when she had 24 hour nursing care in our home her last year living, Mel, she made it to the dinner table every single night with an IV stand, whether it took one nurse or two nurses to sit at the head of that dining room table as the leader of our family, to ask me how my day was at school. And even though my mother passed away 11 days before my 8th birthday, she is the greatest champion of life I've ever known. She taught me what it means to have passion and conviction and fire and this burn in life. Mel, my mother taught me the greatest life lesson I've ever learned. It's not how long you live, it's how you choose to live your life. And I think for all of us, you've got that perspective. For me, it provided a burn. And this burn inside of me. Imagine this, everybody listening. I wake up.

My alarm goes off. I keep it in the bathroom so it's not next to my bed where I can easily hit the snooze button. So I've got to go into the bedroom. Little Bit of a light jog so I don't wake up my wife Amy and I go in and I've actually named my alarm Janet Fishman Newman Legacy. So what do you think the odds are when I look down at that phone of me hitting the snooze button and getting back into bed? It doesn't happen. And so that's what I would love to, as we kind of guide through this conversation is encourage people. Let's identify what your burn is, whether it's pain and challenge like I've been through in my life. Maybe, maybe you had parents who sacrificed to have two jobs, three jobs for you to have opportunity. Say, I will never wait the sacrifice my parents made. Or maybe some of you right now, you're making great sacrifice for the little eyes that are watching you in your home. And when you think of those little eyes, there's no hitting the snooze button. And that, Mel, is what I encourage your listeners to find, think about and to find and to give them permission to attack every day with. Is that burn because it's way more significant than wide purpose. It'll light your, it'll light your world on fire every day.

God, you know, I love this that you're bringing this up. I literally, I was just writing my February newsletter and the thing that I said in there, one of the things that I said in there is that there are no participation trophies in the wealth creation game.

I get what we're doing with society today. Well, no, I don't get it. But the reality is that there are no participation trophies in living your life fully. And what you're talking about is this idea of sitting back and saying, I don't know what I got, but whatever I have, I'm going to give it my all. I'm not, I'm not going to be lazy. I'm not going to be, you know, complaining. I'm just going to get after it. And your mom was an example to you, but she, she lives, clearly, she lives on through you. And, and you show up every day in honor of her and, and because of her. And, and you, you set an example for so, so many people. You set a standard that is beyond what others want, would, would do. Because.

I think that, you know, one of the challenges that, and you may see this because you do a lot of work with, with athletes and high performance folks. Now, if they're already high performing, then maybe you don't see it. But, but those that, that maybe aren't there yet where they're, you have to get them over a threshold where you have to get them to a point where they have to find the burn, where they sit back and say, no, this is my new standard. And so.

How do we get there? How do we start? What do we need to do as an individual to start to get our arms around what the burn for us might be and then to find the level of standard and discipline that it requires of us.

To be all we can be.

Well, first off, I think you have to have a willingness to be honest with yourself and have a level of awareness around what deeply, deeply, deeply drives you. And you know, there's many. I'm not, Mel, I'm not the only one that has a story. Every single one of your listeners, there's a story of pain and challenge and adversity. So maybe me sharing this and sharing it in the form of the context of this burn, you have listeners who are saying, I never thought of it that way. But yes, when I connect to my father and his example, I won't waste a day. So for those individuals where that hits you and you said that's it. I now recognize those times in my life when I've driven high levels of continual peak performance. I was connecting to that example my dad gave me, then I would ask you, why won't you do it every day?

So if you could tell me. There was this three week period of time, there was this three month period of time, there was this six month. There was this three year period of time where I was on fire because every day I woke up and I thought, I will not waste my father's sacrifice. Well then why did you stop? And you know, that's one of the things that holds it back, Mel, is that when we're winning, we forget to have awareness to why are you winning? What are the behaviors? What are the disciplines and what's that underlying fire that's causing you to win? And then this desire to not be seduced by success, but to want to win more. And so maybe it's that father or maybe it's the child in your house and you say, I must be an example. It is unacceptable for me to say that I'm going to work out and then all my kids do is see me stuff my face with terrible foods and skip my workouts. I'm sorry, this is where the veins going to start popping out of my neck. Because I want to make a difference. When I have an opportunity to be with individuals. I don't want to waste anybody's time. Like if you're telling your kids that you're going to work out, but all you do is stuff your face with unhealthy foods and skip workouts. You are a very poor example for your children of what it means to actually attack important areas of life so that you can live a long life and you can go to work with more energy and you can produce more wealth and you can save more money and live a life where you're actually doing more for your children. And I'm that perfect. I still have two coaches. I'm reading books every day. I've got friends like Mel Abraham who make me feel like I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what success looks like. So I've surrounded myself with these amazing people like Mel and Brendan and Ed racing my gosh. Like, I have to just keep showing up and figuring out, like, can I be as great as them? Can I do the things that they've done? And I just know. I think there just aren't enough people in this world today with the real voice that you bring, the real voice that I try to bring, the real voice that Ed and Brendan brings that says, we're not being hard on you. We just want you to live your very best life. And so sometimes we're met with resistance when we have these conversations. But I think you believe. What I believe is we just want to be real so that people can live their best lives.

I think that's the important thing, is that I have this firm belief that we've all been tasked with a gift. We've been given the privilege of a gift, but that privilege also comes with a responsibility. That means that we need to give the gift to the world. But that gift isn't fully formed, and it requires us to do some work. And when we shrink down, when we don't show up, when we don't do the work, to be all we can be, to give the gift to the world that only you can give.

Then. Then we disrespect the gift. We disrespect our journey, we disrespect our life, and we don't live it fully. And, And I get. Circumstances happen and all that stuff, and we can allow them. I. I heard someone say that, that there's a difference between placing blame and taking responsibility.

Whatever your life is. Whatever your life is, whether you've. Whether you. You've fallen on. On health issues, health challenges like I did, or, or relationship challenges or work challenges, financial problems, whatever it is, you know, I had one third of everything wiped out. In a Ponzi scheme.

Yes, the guy was a thief. Yes, he stole my money. He stole everyone else's money. He was a con man. He did all those things. There's nothing. There's nothing false about that. But I still had to take responsibility if I was ever going to regain control and heal and grow from it. And so our job isn't to.

Embrace necessarily the excuses. Our job is to find the responsibility for us to rise above that. And I think that's really.

What we are, we need to do if we're truly going to live, live our life fully. And we don't know. Your, Your mother, she was under 40 when she got diagnosed, Mel.

She passed away at 38. I'm 45 years old, so I've been given seven extra years that my mother never got. So I'm going to waste those days. Your battle with cancer and your example for all of us of what it means to have strength when you're told, like, we don't know how many days you have left, like, Mel, we've talked about it. And I think that the realness of adversity and challenge is what enabled us to get so close so fast. Like, you realize, like these, this is the only day I have. So you're not going to waste those days anymore. And believe it or not, I'm going to get more emotional about you than I am my own story today, probably because I share my story all the time, Mel, that story of your set, because you just said something. And you know, I always. I just want to be the best example for my kids. And you know, we screw up all the time. We're never perfect, but we just, we try our best. But you just mentioned responsibility, you son of a gun. Like, you're going to get me emotional today. But when you tell that story, Mel, of your son bringing that stick figure picture of you in front of your computers and cell phones in each ear. I remember that story because it impacted me, Mel. But what impacted me was, was you were a man that said, I'm going to accept responsibility. And the reality is, in the world that we live in, there's a lot of parents, and I'm not trying to come down on people, but most people aren't willing to get raw and real and speak the truth. Most people would take that picture and say, how dare you? How dare you, son? You brought this picture of your father and you say that, but you accepted responsibility and you said, if that's the way that he perceives me, then that's not the way that I'm going to be, be. Mel, that's why people love you. That's why you're a great example. That's what now it seems like I'm interviewing you on your show. But Mel, like that, that's what drives me. It's those stories when people get real and authentic and say I do have to look in the mirror and say, what? Part of the problem is me not pointing a finger. And you did that. And that's that responsibility piece you were alluding to. And I think it's such a powerful example.

You're human. I'm human. I, I, I, I continually make mistakes. Look, you know, 13 years of marriage, she's good to point them out in a loving way.

But so this isn't about, I, I, I hope that what, what everyone's hearing. This isn't about judgment. This is about awareness. This is about us sitting back and saying, hey.

When we see that we can be better, I think there's an obligation for us to be better. And.

You have a knack, you have a way. You coach football teams to.

Bring people to a whole new level, to bring the best out in people when they couldn't even get.

They didn't even have it in their optics, in their vision.

And I think that that's a gift.

And it's a gift that you have, but it's a gift that you're giving to the world that is different. And I look at it and say, as entrepreneurs, many of our listeners and viewers are entrepreneurs. How do we take some of that standard, some of the way you approach this into our world? Because as an entrepreneur, we are leaders. We're leading teams, we're leading customers, we're leading brands, we're leading society and communities. And we need to show up differently. We need to show up in a way that.

Becomes the example. I think that if we, God, if we spend more time thinking about what we look like, not appearance, but from what people see versus what we say.

We'D probably change some of the things. But I'd love to hear your perspective on it.

Well, we live in a world now where everybody wants to tell you how great they want to be. And then when we sit down and have a conversation with their action, we find out what's really important. We find out what their priorities are. We find out, do they just say that they're a leader? Are they actually a leader? It's one of the reasons why I wrote the book the Standard that came out last year. I felt like, you know, a team wins a championship, they hoist the trophy. They ask the coach, what was it? Oh, it's the standard. But nobody ever broke down, like, what the hell does that mean? And so I took the 18 years of me doing this work and I said, okay, what is the standard? I had the blessing of working for Nick Saban, who just retired a few weeks ago. Five years in two national championships with Coach Saban. I've been with Coach Klein, and I'm just now starting my 10th season. He and Coach Klein are the two winningest college football coaches over the last 15 years. It's like receiving a doctorate in leadership. And so when I see this, these aren't men who said, you know, I just believe in a standard. They set the standard. They're an example of what the standard is. There's an expectation. And I think with leadership and everybody listening, you can't just say you're a leader. Your behaviors, your disciplines, and your standards have to be reflective of what a leader is. We actually mal. And this is a reflection of, you know, when. When people ask, kind of like your book that's going to be coming out soon, when people ask, you've got to deliver. And so when they ask, you deliver. So I've had people beating down my door. They say, ben, what have you been doing? Like, what is the. Take me behind the scenes. Like, what is the secret? So we developed a program called Coach to Coaches. Because a lot of people, they may see my work with Coach Saban in the news or on ESPN or, you know, things of that nature. But a lot of my work, Mel, is to coaches who are coaches, who are influencers. And people had no idea that I coach. And so people say, you've got to create this program. And so we created a new program that we have. And I'm having so much fun. It's like my mom, who was a schoolteacher, me being able to be a teacher, to take people behind the scenes. And the reason why I share this is because the most important lesson that I share is be the example. And for you to be a leader, you have to be the example. Coach Sabin was an example. Coach Kleinman is an example. Leaders at Google and Microsoft that I worked with, I can say, here's this leader. Here's what they do here. That person's an example. That's a person that I learn from when I'm blessed to work with them. And so I think we have an obligation to be the example. We can't be leaders who just say, we know the way. You better show people the way. And just like you had that vulnerability and that awareness and honesty. I've done it so many times in my life. The number of failures and times I've dropped the ball or I didn't know what I was doing. And you got to put your hands up and say, gosh, I'm blessed to have these mentors that show me the way. That's the way to leadership. It's not by claiming that you know everything and lying about the fact that you did a workout when you didn't, or you ate pancakes instead of, you know, a healthy breakfast. Like, just go and do it. Give yourself permission to be that example. Because we're not getting these days back.

No, we're not. And know that. Know that even when we try to do that, we're screwed up. And that's part of the journey. We're okay. We're human. I. I don't know. You know, I mean, I think the.

Part of that, Mel, though, is there's so many people who are leading today that they don't realize your greatest act of leadership often comes from sharing the times when you were down. You know, everybody wants to be this perfect leader. And everything was great. I didn't connect at the deepest possible level as a speaker until 2010. So I was a financial advisor. That's how this all started for me. A lot of people, you know, they see work with Alabama and these NFL teams. Oh, you just. No, like, I was a financial advisor. Got paid to speak for the first time in 2006. Didn't do anything in sports until 2011 when my old high school basketball coach called me. That's how it all started in sports. But, Mel, in 2010, I went through a six month period of time where I was running a speaking and coaching business and I was a financial advisor. And I was paying back so much money in commissions that my accountant called me and said, you're the only client I've ever had that's paying checks back to the company that you work for. Like, how are we supposed to file your taxes? Like. Like, what is going on? And until I had that, that fight with Muhammad Ali, like, it felt like 24 hours a day where I could hardly pay the bills. Now, I wasn't relating because I was on this rapid journey to success and I had to fall and fall hard and financially get hit before I could really connect. And that's when I realized, my goodness, that's our greatest opportunity as leaders is not to share with you all the times that I've Won, it's to share the times with you when I've been weak, when I need to call my coaches, when I need to pick up the phone and call Ed Mylett and say, ed, help me through this, brother. I'm struggling. That's our greatest act of leadership.

I love this, dude. I mean this. So it's so true. And sometimes we take it for granted. But when I think back on my life, the greatest lessons, the greatest growth came at the hands of the typically, the greatest challenges, the greatest failures, the greatest mistakes. If I was willing to accept it and just say, take responsibility and say, all right, where do I go from here?

I think it's where do I go from here? But don't you believe, Mel, it's in all areas of your life. It's your money, it's your parenting, it's your leadership, it's everything. Don't you think?

I, I absolutely do. I, I, someone said.

You know, I'm at a lot of events serving a lot of people and helping people. 99% of those events that I'm, I'm in the background helping. I don't get paid for it.

But.

I don't do it for the payment. Well, I shouldn't say that I get paid, but I don't get paid in dollars. I get paid in something else. My currency's different.

The currency is growth. The currency is human connection. The currency is seeing people step up and take ownership of their life. And I think that too often we look at our life and some of the things that we need to do in a very transactional, short term view.

But growth and peak performance and high performance and all of that, it's not a destination, it's a journey.

It's an everyday occurrence of how you show up when you get off a plane and you're going to go speak. I know that you were just recently speaking, I think in Mexico or something. You know, you can have trial travel problems, you're tired, you didn't sleep, there was, you know, noise next door. All that stuff, all of that, all of that has to just, it has to go by the wayside when you're stepping on the stage to sit back and say, this is what they paid you to do.

This is.

And, and they're not expecting anything less than all you got. And, and I'm sure that you have found yourself with your back against the wall where you say that I've got nothing left and, and had to, had to pull, pull it out again. And I, you know, part of that, I think there's two things that I want to kind of touch on here is that one is part of that, is that you've had the discipline, and I want. I want to get your. Your thoughts about this, how you see discipline as. As part of the formula. You've had this discipline that you've built a muscle, if you will, because maybe it wasn't there. Maybe it was there. I don't know. As. As you grew, but it's something that you developed over time. In all likelihood is, one, the discipline, and two, the awareness.

When you were going astray.

How.

How do you. For those that might be listening saying, I want to. I want to. I want to be more like Ben. I want to be able to show up fully and have that standard. How do they navigate this within themselves and really start to find that footing?

Well, first off, they need bigger goals if they want to be like me. I already told you at the beginning of the show that. I told you at the beginning of the show that the affluent is my friends that I'm chasing like you. But I think the most important thing is whether you step on a stage, whether it's one of your listeners who's stepping on a boardroom, whether it's somebody who's going to step on a sideline and coach their kids in a game, or maybe somebody listening as a coach, it isn't about you. When I step on that stage, if I made it about me, Mel, there'd be plenty of times where I would have been too tired to do it. There would have been plenty of times where I'm like, man, I didn't get the sleeper. I ended up having to take this red eye or I had to drive through the night just to make it here in order to make this speaking time because I committed to be here. Well, if I was tired, then my feelings would dictate my behavior. I've been teaching a concept for years. It's called standard over feelings. Don't allow your feelings to dictate how you show up. You have to live to your standard one day at a time. And if you say you're going to do something, I believe that you have to do it. Now, some of what I'm about to share. I'm not saying any of this to impress anybody. It's to impress upon the point that I want to make a difference, and I believe in being the example. So oftentimes that comes with acknowledgment when I say this. Some people are going to be like, this guy's got some Screws loose. I know I have screws loose. That I believe is part of it. And that's where I think that the heaven screws loose is the never finished mentality it's recognizing. Well, if it's about the audience, then it doesn't matter if I got paid $500 that first speaking engagement back in 2006, or how many of them were free after that, or some of when they said they didn't have a budget. I got a coffee cup to the blessing of now being paid well over a hundred times what I used to get paid. It's not about the money. It's about the never finished mindset that my example for my kids is a never ending story. My opportunity to continue to write my mother's story. So when she passed away and she took the pen that she was writing with in that journal and passed it on to my brother and I, that didn't stop. That doesn't stop. That didn't stop last week. That didn't stop in 2023 because it was my best year ever. That's every day, Mel. And so I think there's a discipline that's required. Today was the 1,673rd straight day that I've worked out for 45 minutes or longer. And I'm not talking about like, you know, I drop down and, and I just get on the bike and I just move my feet and I like I. I'm talking about I do a workout that takes 45 minutes. It's 10 exercises. Most people can't do it a single time. Like they cannot make it through once. And I've done that all these days in a row with the exception of 10 where I lifted. I did a thousand curls in the bed because I had a staph infection and couldn't walk. Other than those 10 days I've done this exercise. Oftentimes it comes with a lift or 500 pushups stacked on top of it. Once again, it's not to impress anybody. I have an obligation that if I'm going to work with high perform, you go work with the Alabama Crimson Tide, the greatest football team in the history of college football. You think I'm going to walk in there and look like I eat a bag of donuts every day? No, I'm going to walk in there owning my work and owning my discipline. Otherwise, I can't have a conversation with that high performer. I can't have a. I have clients that are billionaires. I can't have a conversation with that billionaire client who comes with tremendous discipline, tremendous intentional focus. I can't have a conversation with that individual or hold them accountable if I don't understand what intentional focus is or if I don't understand what discipline is. And I refuse to be a fraud now. And I just encourage everybody, no matter what your title, no matter what you're doing in your life, do not be a fraud. Do what you say you're going to do, and be an example for the people that are watching you. Because it's not about us, dude, it's so good.

This is where I also say that we're cut from the same cloth.

If I give some of my word, man, I will die trying to fulfill my word.

There isn't room.

For not doing it. Because I would rather someone turn around and look at me and say I'm angry at you, than them say I'm disappointed in you. Because disappointed in me tells me that I let them down. Tells me live up to where I should have been. Angry may mean that I, I did something wrong. I did something, you know, for some reason, I don't know why I can deal with that better than someone saying, hey, you disappointed me. And it just that level of, of non compromising. I mean the thought of you, you know, walking on at Alabama and realizing, hey, wait a second, how I show up, how I look is important because if they're going to take me seriously, if they're going to look at me with respect, I have to indirectly give them the respect back by showing up fully. And that's what you're doing.

But where that comes from is Coach Saban. Because what you're saying was the greatest lesson that I ever learned at Alabama. He would all if you guys were to come. I probably went to 50 something practices in the five years that I was there. I probably gave 40 talks to the football team. The greatest lessons I learned wasn't something I said. It was hearing Coach Saban say, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. We don't do things until we get them right. We do things until we can't get them wrong. There were all these lessons because Coach Saban had an expectation. So Coach Saban didn't walk into a meeting late. Coach Saban was in every meeting early. Coach Saban didn't show up to games late. Coach Saban came more prepared than any coach these players ever imagined they would see. And so when I walked in that very first time to the Malware Football complex in Tuscaloosa, I mean, Mel, you like, you almost walked into, like this. This expectation. You could almost feel it. It is so heavy on you that you almost know, like, okay, I'm walking into heavy expectation. And I bet there's people now who, the moment they walked in and felt that they walked out of the building, and I never had the opportunity to see it. But Coach said, and thank God it didn't happen to me. I was around for five years. I've heard that there are times where speakers like me were brought in and Coach Saban would pull them off the stage before they finished. No. So expectation was expectation. If you're not meeting the expectation or the standard that's required of Alabama, you're done. You will not stand in front of my players. And so you don't hear that very often anymore. Because we live in this world where we're coddled and politics tells us how we're supposed to act, the media tells us how we're supposed to act. And so I'm naturally attracted to the Ed Mylett's, the Andy Frisellas, the Brendan Burchard, the individuals that we're blessed to know and have his friends who really show us the way and carry those heavy expectations that make us say, man, like, I don't ever want to be finished. I just want to keep serving and getting better and figuring out how great I can be. Because people don't want that these days. They want the easy way. And there's just no. There's no easy way to wealth. There's no easy way to success. It's not easy. It's hard.

I said something. I was speaking in Nashville this week, and I made a comment about this idea of balance, because what you're getting at, I think is really important. And I said, when we strive for balance in our life, we're striving for is a mediocre, mediocre mindset. What we really.

Are needing is not balance, but harmony. And harmony comes from intent and intentionality. To know specifically where we're going, why we're going there, and we're going to continue to go there. And I think it's really important to consider this. Now, there's another side of this that I'm curious of your perspective on, because you're always trying to improve. You're always trying to be better. And there could be some folks out there saying, does that mean. And I think I know the answer for you. Does that mean that Ben's never happy, is never content, if you will, and that it never is good enough, or is there something else there?

Never finish I believe we're never finished, which means I believe you can always get better. Because the moment that you attempt to start getting better, I think we go to a place that I'm not even comfortable talking about because I don't have any plans on ever going there. This I will share with you. For over 15 years now, I have been teaching a concept called your prize fighter day. And I've heard you say that about harmony before. And I've always said that balance does exist. Many people who do the type of work that we do, they say it doesn't because typically they'll say, oh, I'm just going to work really hard and then I'm going to take time off with my family. I love how you say harmony because I've always said, well, balance does exist because I teach a prize fighter day which says, what are you going to focus on personally, what are you going to focus on professionally and what are you going to focus on that's of service to people, other people, every day? And if you have disciplines in all three of those areas, it doesn't mean you spend the exact same amount of time. But I believe you can have some semblance of balance. But I love your concept of saying it's harmony because it really is harmony. I don't believe in somebody saying, well, you just work really hard and take time off. And I mean, if that was the case, then I would just sit here at my desk and all I would do is work because it's endless. You know, we've built such a machine over doing so much coaching work. We now have 25 speakers as part of a speaker's bureau. We have 15 coaches that are part of our team. I mean, Mel, it would never stop. But what I've done is to say, hey, there's bookends. Here's when I wake up and here's when I stop my day so that I can take my kids to school because of all my travel. And so there's a two hour gap in my day where I say I'm going to be present. I want to sit at the breakfast table, I want to take my kids to school, I want to drive them to school. And guess what? When we're done with this interview today, I'm done with my day, Mel. I'm done with my day at 4:30. Why? Because there's nothing keeping me from going to watch my girl hoop tonight. And I'm going to sit there with peace of mind and I'm going to have all my work done and I'M going to be ready to attack tomorrow, but I promise you, I'm going to be locked in and focus, watching my baby girl get after me. And those are the things where if you're not doing that, it's because you're choosing to not do that. If you're not doing that, it's because you don't even have focus when you're. You get to build your schedule. Amy says to me all the time, because I'm human, right? There's times where I'm like, my gosh, this calendar seems crazy. And she'll say, well, you better go talk to the person who, you know, builds your calendar, which is me.

So it's like, if something needs to change, then I got to look at it. Say, okay, what am I saying no to? Or, what am I leveraging to somebody else? So that I make sure that, like, when I go to those games, that I'm focused and there's periods of time where, you know, there's so much going on, it's hard, but I do the very best that I can to where when I'm with the family, I'm locked in and focus on family. Because when I get in these days.

Bad, though, I totally agree. And you just defined how I define harmony. It's. It's. It's living intentionally. And. And. And, you know, some people have heard me say this where, you know, people ask, did the cancer change me? And. And I would say, yeah, it did. I mean, it's a stupid question. Of course it did. You know, but. But the biggest thing is that it made it easier for me to say no, because I knew every time I say yes.

That I was taking away from something else, which. Which only meant that if I'm going to say yes to something or someone, I have to, in my heart and soul, know that I can give it 100% of everything I have.

And I expect nothing less in return. And if that's not there, then the transaction doesn't make sense because that slice of life is gone forever. And at the same time, if we look at it that way, I think that you then have a different reverence and respect for the moments you interact with someone else. So you are present with your children, you are present with your husband, your wife, with a colleague at work, and you're putting things down. You're not in here like this. Yeah, I'm listening. You know, just. No. I mean, and there's times that I do it and I catch myself, I go, oh, shoot, I'm sorry, honey, because it's easy, especially with the ones that we're familiar with. And I just. The idea when we talk, you mentioned about affluence, because I want to round this around the corner, is that when I talk about affluence, affluence isn't about opulence. There are four things there, and.

Only one of them has to do with money. You know, it's about meaningful, impactful, fruitful, and peaceful life. And that's, to me, where the richness of life comes from. And what you're talking about and what you help people do is find the richness in their soul by living fully into who they are, who they're capable of being, and to show up in the world as an example so others can do the same. And I just. I just want you to know that to me, you are living affluent life. You are living true to that. You are a living, walking, breathing example. I'm. I'm an. I got a few years on you, and I'm 62.

I act 12.

You make 62. I hope I'm 62, you know, but.

I agree with you. I have no intention of slowing down. I have no intention of stopping.

The day that my toes are right on that hole in the ground. I want to look back at all my friends, including you, and go sweaty, dirty, tired, and go, I did it right. I did it fully, and I did it my way. I just think that's the way we got to live. And too often we don't. We want to compromise. We want to let it down. And I'm hoping that those of you that are listening, you know, maybe we didn't talk a lot about money, but money without life is. Is meaningless. Money and wealth doesn't matter. There's plenty of people that have a ton of money. We met them, billionaires, 100 millionaires. They're miserable as hell. They're not living life fully. And what, Ben? What? You're. What you're. The gift you're given to the world is allowing them to step into who they really are fully and live that rich life, man. It just. It's such a gift. So as we start to round the corner to close this, there's a couple of things I'd love. One, I want to make sure that people know, where do they find out everything about Ben Newman? Ben Newman will improve your life because this is just my personal perspective. He's going to raise your vibration to a whole new level. He's going to get you to see more of what you have the capacity to be. That's one. So how we get in touch with you or stay in touch with you and follow you. Second is really, you know what parting words for those that realize maybe now, hey, there's more in me. Would you tell them to go out and do and everything as we close this out, man.

Well, first off, once again, thank you so much for having me on the show, Mel. I always enjoy the time to get to spend together. And what a blessing to be able to spend time with your listeners today. Just makes it that much more special to stay connected, which I would love is at continued fight is social media. Ben Newman.net is our website and that's where you know, whether it's the coach to coaches program for people wanting to elevate their leadership, whether it's coming to one of our events that we do with boot camp in Puerto Rico this year or coming to a summit that we're going to do in a couple of different cities. Reach out, ask questions. I want to stay engaged with all of you, but if you never go to any of those websites and we never spend any time together ever again, I want to leave you with this. It's the greatest life lesson I've ever learned and it came from my mom. It's not how long you live, it's how you choose to live your life. And that lesson is one that I live with every single day because I got seven extra years my mom never got. And so I pay attention with great intentional focus to every little decision choice. And that's what I would love for you to do in your lives as well, Mel. I appreciate you. I love you, brother. It's always a blessing to spend time.

With you, dude, man. Love you too. Just you raise my my soul every time we get a chance to chat. And the only bummer is that you're you're not in California because we be hanging out all day.

I'll be there in a couple of months and several times throughout the year. So we'll see each other soon. There's no doubt. Because I know, I know you're not coming to sit. I know you're not coming to St. Louis for the zero degree weather.

Dude, dude, I barely survived six degrees in Nashville. So, man, it is a blessing to one have you on the show to share you with with my, my listeners, my audience and everything. But it's even more of a blessing to call you a good friend and to have you in my life. Thank you for being here, brother.

Appreciate you, Mel. Thank you, brother.

Thank you for listening to the Affluent Entrepreneur show with with me your host, Mel Abraham. If you want to achieve financial liberation to create an affluent lifestyle, join me in the Affluent Entrepreneur Facebook group now by going to melabraham.com group and I'll see you there.

And that's it for this episode of Building YOUR MONEY Machine where we help you learn how to master your money, eliminate financial financial stress and live a life of choice. If you found this valuable or helpful to you, here's what I'd love for you to do. If you do me a favor, go to Apple, Apple Podcast or wherever you're listening to this podcast and rate and review the show. It helps us tremendously to keep us at the top of the list so we can continue to get this information and this message out to people because I truly believe that financial freedom is your birthright and I want to help each and every one of you claim it. Thanks so much.