TES 041 - How to Have a Difficult Conversation

Hey there, real quick before we jump into the episode, listen, if your earnings treadmill hasn't set you free yet, running faster won't either. Listen, hustle without principles just going to burn you out. So here's what I want for you. I want you to join me for my money machine experience live. It is three free trainings. Deep dive into how to escape the treadmill and build a money machine that actually works for you. All right, grab your spot here by going to moneymachinelive.com and I'll see you in the free training. Hey there. I'm Mel Abraham, the author of the number one best selling book the Entrepreneur Solution and the founder of Business Breakthrough Academy where we teach you how to design a business and create a life, a life of financial freedom and peace of mind. And welcome back to this episode of the Entrepreneur Solution show. And in this episode we're going to continue. From the last episode we were talking about the concept of high stakes communications and having that difficult conversation. And in the last episode we talked about the preparation pre conversation planning process. And I gave you the three stages of conversation in my three stages planner. In this episode we're going to actually dig into the nine elements of the conversation. How do you really have that conversation? How do you create a meaningful conversation? And this conversation can be a negotiation, a mediation, a challenging employee or team member that you need to deal there. It could be a relationship. So right after we come back from this brief introduction, we'll jump into.

We'Ll jump into that difficult conversation, what I call the Resolution Roadmap. And if you want to download the Resolution Roadmap tool, you just, just go to melabraham.com session041 and you'll be able to download that. And if you're not at your computer, go ahead and just text mylegacy one word, no spaces to 3, 8, 4. I will see you back here right after this brief introduction. See you soon. Bye.

Welcome to the Entrepreneur Solution where highly successful entrepreneur Mel Abraham becomes your entrepreneurial mentor. Here, Mel reveals his business building strategies and even gets a chance to answer your questions. Mel Abraham, a CPA by education, but an entrepreneur by exhilaration and a true believer in the entrepreneurial way of life. It's through entrepreneurship that we create community, support society and live our dreams.

It's where possibility meets reality again and you can have the life and lifestyle you want. One of freedom and peace of mind. Welcome to this episode of the Entrepreneur Solution where it's time for you to be bold, dream big and Live life your way.

Hey there. I'm Mel Abraham. Welcome back to this episode of the Entrepreneur's Solution. And as I said, we're going to continue our chat about this concept of communication. I really think that communication is the greatest skill that we can nurture. Our ability to communicate can solve the world's ills, the problems, society's problems, the dissension. If we learned how to communicate effectively.

We can move mountains with it. And I think that we don't give it enough.

Weight, enough attention, and we take it for granted that we're communicating effectively in relationships in business, whether it's customer relationships, vendor relationships, team relationships. And so in that last episode we talked about, how do you plan, plan for that high stakes conversation, that difficult conversation? And I gave you the framework that I use to go through what I call the three stages of a conversation. And in this episode, I want to give you the resolution roadmap. It's actually, what does it take to go into this conversation? Now I've done the planning, Now I'm sitting across the table from a board of directors that I'm negotiating with, a banker that I'm negotiating with, a company that I'm thinking of buying a mediation to try and resolve a dispute, or an employee or team member that we're trying to have a difficult conversation because there was an issue that came up, or a vendor that has a challenge, or maybe a spouse that maybe we're trying to deal with a difficult situation with. And so how do we have that conversation? And so this is the framework that I use to really understand that and to put that into play. And one of the things that I look at is first I need to understand, I need to learn.

What is going on. And there's three elements to that which we're going to talk about. I need to clarify some things within the conversation, and I need to understand some things within the conversation. And in that process, it's really about the opening of the conversation, the conversation, the meat of the conversation itself, then the completion, the conclusion of the conversation. And so there's nine elements that I think that we ought to look at and think about.

Making sure that they are implicit and explicit in the dialogue that we're having with these other, with this other party or these other people in that conversation. The first is to learn what the issue is, to understand what their challenges are, to be able to state that and say, hmm.

What are the issues? And maybe you don't know and it's okay to not know. Then we need to ask and Sometimes we can get that if we plan it right, as we talked about in the last episode. But if we don't know, let's get clarity on it right now. So clarify what the issues are. Now maybe I do know and I sit down in front of someone and say, listen, here's what's going on. And I think that the issue is, and I'm going to be that explicit. I think the issue is that we need to, you know, that you keep showing up late to the office and other people are having to pick up your work. So let's understand what's causing this issue. But I'm going to be that explicit. We can't. When you have a challenging conversation, we can't beat around the bush. Let's just be direct. But be direct not from a stabbing stance, stabilizer standpoint, but be direct from trying to understand. And then we want to seek to clarify. And so what is challenging is when you have a conversation with someone where they use all inclusive terms where they say, well, everyone says this or everyone does this. No, specifically, who's everyone? Because everyone doesn't do it. And in most cases, in order to clarify, we want to give a specific situation. So you know what, you've been coming into the office late. For instance. For instance, just last Thursday, I noticed that you didn't come in until 10 o' clock and you were supposed to be here at 9 and you had people that were waiting from 9:30 to 10:00'. Clock. And I'm not sure I understood why. But see, what I did is I gave them a specific occurrence of that versus some generic or general pan of, well, this is what happens when you give that specific. It starts to at least clarify in their mind what the challenge is or what the issue is and they can identify with it. Now, I'm not going to accuse them. I'm seeking to understand because if I accuse them, what are they going to do? They're going to dig their heels and they're going to get defensive and they're going to give you excuses. I need to understand before we can make any judgment or have a real conversation, which means that, that that's where the understanding comes in, where I turn around and say, so here's my concern because I don't understand why you keep showing up late. My concern is that it's polarizing the rest of the team with respect to you. It may be that maybe there's some things going on in your life that I'm unaware of, that maybe I could support and help you with are there. And so. So through this whole process, this is the opening of the conversation. We're getting clarity on the issue. We're making sure they understand what the concerns or the issue are. We're giving them some specific examples of what it is that we've seen that's causing us to do this. And we're showing concern from a perspective of trying to understand.

What is going on here. So then once we've got that opening piece done, we can then look at it and say, all right, now let's make sure they understand why it's so important to us to have resolution and a good resolution on this. And it is to, you know, in this case, maybe it's because we want to create a cohesive, cohesive team. And if I allow you to continue to do this, we start to.

Become a divisive team. And if I allow it, then I'm going to say, then at the same time, they're going to look at me and say, there is no consistency.

Amongst the team members and how I treat the team members. And so understand that what we want to do is make sure that there's clarity as to why it's important and what the importance is, because they may not understand in their world why it's so important. Let's make sure that we're clear. And remember, this is not a monologue. This is a dialogue. It's a conversation that's two people connecting, or more than two, more than one person connecting. At least then we clarify the personal side of it. I don't want to make it personal in one sense. In the sense that if I make it personal, they may feel attacked, but I do want to personalize it in a sense of making. Allowing them to own it and own that there's an issue there. But at the same time, I need to own what I brought to the. To the situation also, because maybe it's me that has done something that is causing this issue that has come about. And so I, at the same time need to own it and be able to say, you know what? I totally get it, that I'm contributing it because. Contributing to. Because I have called you a couple of times to go and stop on your way into the office, and they don't realize that that's the case and you're coming in late. They see you coming in late. But you know what? I contributed to it because I called you and said, don't, you know, stop over here and pick this up and do this. So I need to own it just the Same. So we need to own our share. And let me be clear here. This is not about placing blame. And sometimes when people say, well, own it, that's about blaming someone. I said, no, it's about being responsible and saying, I'm responsible for whatever I brought to this situation. It may be a small piece, it may be a huge piece, but I'm responsible for it. Because the importance of that is until I'm willing to take responsibility for whatever contribution I made to the situation, I can't change it. But as soon as I take responsibility, I have the ability to shift and change it. And now I need to then understand. So I gotta listen. Give them the opportunity to. Not necessarily from an argumentative standpoint, but to be able to voice what they see. The issue is to give their understanding what their concerns are and to be able to own it and how come it's important to them and just sit and listen. Silence is okay. Allow the silence to sit and see where it goes and be okay to just sit. If we are constantly interrupting and if they say something that maybe you don't agree with and you say, no, that's not the way it is, and you're constantly interrupting and coming back and pushing back, they're going to shut down and you're not going to have a conversation, you're going to have a monologue and they're going to sit and listen to you and they put a wall up.

So allow them in. Remember about the openness, remember about the empathy, remember about the relationship, remember about the safety. In the last episode. Be willing to sit back and listen.

And don't get caught in the details. See where, where they're coming from. Then the next stage is being curious. See, we can, we can. When we hear what their, what their position is, when we hear what's, what's their concerns are, when we hear their arguments or their, their points, we have the ability to go back at them and start attacking them one at a time. Say, no, that's not right because of this. No, that's not right because of this. Well, maybe you have a point there, but what that does is now that's an effect, keeping score. You know, three on one side, one on the other side, I win type of a thing. We don't want to keep score. The better way to go is to say, it's kind of the Columbo method. I'm curious, Help me understand. Those are great.

Language patterns to use to see, say, I'm curious. What about that caused you the angst? So I understand it better. That's a whole lot different than coming at it from a pointed perspective or to simply say, help me understand this.

Because I'm not understanding or help clarify it for me. And so using curiosity as your friend to understand better what's going on in this conversation will take. It will move the conversation towards understanding, towards communication and not towards shutdown. Then let's try to clarify some sort of resolution. Where do we go from here? So we've listened, we've been curious, we've understood. We've understood who's taken and owned parts of what it is. We understand now what the importance is. So now let's say, so where can we go from here? What do you think? How can we come up with a resolution? Now, certainly if I'm in a boss.

In a boss situation, I can dictate the resolution. But here's the thing. If we really want the resolution to be a resolution that is embraced and that people are enrolled in, then it really is something that we ought to come up with together to come into agreement with. You know, my, my good friend says that people support Brendon Burchard. He says people support what they create. And that's exactly the same thing in the resolution. If we come up with a resolution.

Together, they're more likely to see it through if we dictate the resolution to them. Now, in some cases we need to. But very. But we can find our way around that in a lot of. In most cases where we can come to some agreement. So find out what that meaningful resolution is and come to some level of agreement between you of how we move forward. And in the process to wrap this up, you've now had the conversation to wrap this up. There's one other piece that I try to look at and say, all right, so how do we make sure that we don't necessarily go through this again? What do we need to do to put into place so there's open communication and that there's an understanding at a different level. So we've got a resolution in place, agreement in place, that we can move forward with the confidence and the trust and the empathy in a way that everyone understands. And I think that when you do that, you've put a nice little bow on this conversation. Now, I know that many times conversations can be emotional and they can be difficult. And I get that. And yet if we can stay true to what the outcome is, which is ultimately building that relationship and what our objective is that we clarified in the process, planning process, and we can try to move our way through these nine elements of the Resolution Roadmap, you will go a long ways to coming out the other side, not only achieving the results that you're looking for for yourself, but achieving results and understanding for the other parties to the conversation as they move forward. Because in this process, embedded in this process and in this conversation, allowing yourself to understand and listen to them so you can try to serve their needs just the same. And I've used this kind of framework or this kind of process, like I said, in high stakes negotiations, buying and selling of businesses and properties, mediations, conversations. And as you move through this, as you get more used to it, it'll just become second nature. It'll become part of your dotted, part of your demeanor as you, as you show up in these kinds of things. But in the meantime, here's what you need to do is you need to look at it and say, I need to use this as a checklist. And we've got the Resolution Roadmap. You can download, as I said, by going to melabraham.com session041 to get it and use that. Use the tools that we have for you, use. You develop your ability to communicate effectively. You develop your ability to have conversations, difficult conversations, high stakes conversations at a level that really moves people.

The world is yours because now all of a sudden you can engage and enroll people in your vision, in your mission. They will fight for you, they will go to bat for you because they understand you and they feel like they're part of the army of champions that are on your side. So I hope that you found this of value again. Use this tool as the vehicle when you're moving through those conversations. If you haven't already, make sure that you subscribe so I can be there with you. It's one way that I can be your entrepreneurial mentor as you move through your journey as an entrepreneur, as a business owner, building wealth, building success. And I'm there to be able to answer questions. Questions. And like I've said on other episodes, if you have questions for me about wealth, success, business, entrepreneurship, whatever you've got, go to askmelnow.com and leave me the questions and I'll make sure that I get to them on one of the upcoming episodes of the Entrepreneur Solutions show to make sure that you're supported.

On your journey as we move forward. And again, if you haven't done so already, subscribe, stay with me. I'd love to have you on the journey. Subscribe so I can continually get you the information that I think will serve you, support you as you build and move forward. And do me a favor and it would mean a lot to me if you would share this with a friend. Share it with someone that is on a journey or wants to go on the entrepreneurial journey. Give them access to the same tools. Give them access to the same training that they can have at their fingertips. That's training and tools that have been used by me and my clients and businesses around the world to develop businesses that are meaningful, impactful and profitable in the process. And so again, if you want to get the tools, go to melabraham.com sessions041 and if you're not at your computer, go ahead and just text mylegacy one word no spaces to 38470. We'll make sure we get you the download link. And until we get a chance to see each other in the next episode, may your vision be grand, your journey epic, and your legacy significant. Thanks again. See you soon. Cheers. Bye.

We hope you enjoyed this episode. Make sure you subscribe so you get access to all of Mel's business and success tips. And if you like this episode, share it with a friend. If you have a specific business or success question, you can ask it at www.askmelnow.com. remember, it's all about being bold, dreaming big, and living life your way. Because the world needs you. Until the next episode, may your vision be grand, your journey epic, and your legacy significant.

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