TES 078 - How Is Your Identity Created?

Hey there, real quick before we jump into the episode, listen, if your earnings treadmill hasn't set you free yet, running faster won't either. Listen, hustle without principles just going to burn you out. So here's what I want for you. I want you to join me for my money machine experience live. It is three free trainings. Deep dive into how to escape the treadmill and build a money machine that actually works for you. All right, grab your spot here by going to moneymachinelive.com and I'll see you in the free training. Hey there, Mel Abraham here, the author of the number one best selling book the Entrepreneur Solution and the founder of Thoughtpreneur Academy, where we teach you how to capture, package and monetize what you know, the ideas in your head, the insights that you have that can influence the marketplace so you can have greater impact, greater income and greater freedom. And welcome to this episode of the Entrepreneur's Solution show. And in this episode we're going to talk about defining yourself. You know, how your identity is created, in fact, how to be, be able to create it intentionally. Because the reality is that identity is one of the most important choices we can make as a person and as a business. And sometimes what we do is we allow society to define us, we allow society's norms, if there's such a thing to define us. And I'm going to introduce you to what I call the personal identity cycle that allows you to walk through the fundamental pieces, to intentionally design and deliberately create your identity and then put it out in the world. And so it's gonna, you can download the guide, the action guide in this, if you go to melabraham.com session078, you can download the action guide, follow along or do it afterwards, but make sure that you get the greatest amount of value out of this episode. And if you're not at your computer, maybe you're out running around, you're running errands, you're out with the kids, you're listening to this on a run on the podc. Then just text me, text me mylegacy one word, mylegacy, one word, 38470 and I'll make sure I send you the download link so you can grab the action guide when you get back. So here's the deal. When we talk about identity, I think this is one of the biggest things that, and most important things that we can focus in on as a person. And I know some people will say, God, what is this? You know, when I teach my business Breakthrough Academy or when I teach Thoughtpreneur Academy or working with executives or boards, a lot of time is spent trying to figure out what our identity is. Because here's the thing, when we get this wrong, you're gonna find that ultimately you feel lost because you don't really know who you are. You don't know what you stand for. You're just kind of going with the current of whatever river you're on. And so there is no real direction. And a lot of times we feel lost in that space. And as we've grown up through the years as people.

We start to define our identity, whether it's in high school, whether it's in elementary school, and there's all kinds of studies of when our personality is created. But I think that we can tweak, we can adjust, and we can build an identity out in the world, an identity that is relatable, an identity that is connected with the people that are important to us. So they know who we are, they know what we stand for, they know the kinds of things that we like and the way that we're going to show up, because here's the other side of that, is that if we don't deliberately define our identity, we're lost. But we also find that we're going to get inconsistent results or inconsistent actions or inconsistent, you know, incongruent, if you will, is another way to look at it is that there's going to be friction and there's going to be struggle because we don't have clarity on the things that are important to us. And the other side of that is this is. That's internal to us. But what about to the outside? What about the people looking in at us? Because the people looking in at us are going to see that inconsistency. They're going to see and feel that you're lost. And in that process, what ultimately happens is that they lose trust in us. They lose trust in us not because we're distrustful or.

Manipulative. They lose trust in us because they can't trust the outcome. They can't trust the response. Here's what I mean by it, and this is how I'm defining trust here in this context, is that even a dog, that is a dog that bites all the time can be trusted because their behavior, their pattern of behavior is predictable. I know when I see that dog, it's going to bite. Well, I can trust it's going to bite now. It doesn't mean that I want to get bit, doesn't mean that it's a good thing, but I can trust the pattern of behavior. The question that I got for you is this. If we talk to three of your best friends, your spouse, your kids, and we asked a specific question about how you might respond to something, would they all give us the same answer? Yes. No.

Unsure. Here's the interesting thing. If your identity was clear and it was put out there in the world, then ultimately what happens is that everyone around you would know how you would respond. At least those that are close to you, that understand you. And that's what I mean by trust and, and think about this, is that when you create that identity in a way where your children or your spouse, your team, your significant other, whoever it is that you're dealing with, understands how you might respond, what happens to your relationship? How much closer does it become? These are things that both my wife, Stephanie and I talk about is, you know, what is our identity? What are our values? What are the things that are important to us? And you know what? Guessing nine times out of ten and more than that, that if someone asked her a question, she knows how I would respond because I make it really clear and she makes it really clear. We know each other and our identity is really clear. When we get this right, that's the key that comes out of it, is that we get clarity. Not only does the outside world get clarity, but we get clarity ourselves. We know what's important to us. We know what our priorities are. We know what going to do in that process. We're able to then sift through all the stuff that's coming at us in a day's time and say, this is important. This is not this. I'm going to do this. I'm not. And be clear of conscience of, oh, I got to say no to this. No. Because opportunities come to me all the time because of where I'm at, because of the things that I'm doing. And it's easy for me to look at the opportunity with clarity and say, not for me, because it doesn't fit my identity. It doesn't fit my value system. It doesn't fit the things that I'm looking to do. The other thing that happens when we get clarity, when we get the identity part right and we're deliberate and intentional in how we do it, is that we actually become directed. In other words, instead of going with the whims of the winds that may come across society, the people in our lives are the next best thing. The shiny ball syndrome, as some people call it. I call it the hummingbird syndrome, where something exciting comes in and you go chasing it, but that really wasn't the direction you wanted to go. See, when we get clarity of our identity, we know which way we want to go. We know the things that will get us there, and we stay focused on that process. We stay focused on that task to make that happen in that process. And then ultimately we become highly trusted. People know us for our pattern of behavior. People know us for what we stand for. People know us for the things that are important to us, and they come to us and do business with us and get in relationships with us.

In that vein because of the fact that they know what our pattern of behavior is and we can be trusted. And I think that this is something that is hugely important to society today. If we just look at the climate of society, there is a tremendous amount of distrust because of bad patterns of behavior or.

Inconsistent patterns of behavior. And I think that there's. If we just got our identity right, it may not solve all the problems, but it would move us in the direction of solving them. So if that's the case, if this is why it's so important, what do you, you know, then what do you need to know? And I think that there's a couple things that you need to know and need to consider when we're trying to define our personal identity. And we'll. We'll definitely jump into the personal identity cycle here in a moment. The first is this, is that you got to start with your thoughts. Our identity should be internally generated. It should come from within us. So our thoughts will start to define who we are and whether those thoughts are conscious and intentional and deliberate or unconscious, unintentional and not deliberate. They will create our identity. So I'm going to invite you to be very conscious, very deliberate, very intentional with your thoughts to help you out. The second thing is to. Is to realize that actions will bring them to life. Actions will bring them into being, if you will, because we may think this is our identity. We may believe that that's. It's like putting on a shirt. But at the same time, until I go take action, inconsistent action.

With the identity that I'm creating, and other people see it now, all of a sudden, it comes to life. It comes to life. So here's the thing. I want to take actions that are consistent with the identity that I'm creating. I want to take actions that are consistent with the thoughts that are in my head. I want to take actions that are consistent with the values that I have. And when I take those actions, you, it solidifies that identity in our own psyche and our own body, our own spirit. And then other people see that in the process. And then the other thing is this is to realize that the results will drive our identity deeper. In other words, we're going to get results from the actions we take. Thoughts first, actions and results. And in that process, the results will further define our identity, further drive that identity deeper. When you look at a person who consistently does the same thing, if you have I told Jeremy this as he was growing up, that the greatest skill you can ability that you can develop as a person is dependability. And the more dependable you are, let's say you ask someone to do something and you can just. And the first time you ask them to do it, you're going to maybe watch a little closer to just make sure, did I do it right? Are they doing it the way I want it? Are they going to get it done? Can I trust that it's going to get done? But they do it. They do it on time or they do it early and they do it really well. The next time you give them something to do, you're likely to back off a little bit and give them a little leeway. And then if they do that well, you're going to likely back off even more. And each time more and more. Because the results that you get from the actions are deepening identity. And then all of a sudden you'll say, you're good, I'm good. This happens in business all the time. And so those are the things I think we need to realize is that is that start with the thoughts, actions will bring them into being, and the results will drive them deeper. All right, so what exactly is the personal identity cycle? Let's jump into it. If you've got the workbook, the action guide, you can follow along. If not just follow me here and you can work, work through it afterwards. Here's what it is. In order to do this, I'm going to jump to the iPad real quickly, help you understand this. We'll draw this out for you. So if I'm trying to figure out what my identity is, one of the first things.

That I need to consider is this is I'm going to start with something that I think it's basic in a sense, but the reality is that a lot of people don't intentionally define them. And that is what are my values? And I think values drives everything. Here's the deal when it comes to values is that there's A lot of ways we can define them. There's a lot of ways we can find out what our values are. Sometimes values are created from the external environment, from our responses to things that have happened to us. Sometimes we can intentionally create our values. Sometimes we choose. Our values could be from our religious beliefs, our upbringings, family situations, whatever it is. Now we can spend a lot of time. And I have a whole other process that I go through to help define values, to help extract values, to help role model values that I walk through beyond the scope of this. But I think that we need to understand that we start with values first, because those values ultimately will then lead.

To effectively our thoughts. And as I said.

Thoughts will start. Everything that we're doing, when we look at our thoughts, it really is.

The start of everything, everything around you. If you just take a look around, wherever you're at, you're in your living room, your bedroom, your office, around you in the. If it's been invented, it started as a thought. If you've got it in your life, it started as a thought. And I heard it's kind of cliche, but they say that everything's created at least twice, first in the mind and then in the environment. And I think that's really true. When we talk about our values, our values will drive our thoughts, and our thinking will then drive something else. As thought leaders, as influencers, one of the things that we really need to understand is that in order to get behavior change, we have to get thought change first. We can't change someone's behavior if they continue to think the same way. It's like taking someone that's been poisoned, cleansing them of the poison, and then poisoning them again. I gotta fix the thinking if I want the behavior change to stick the thoughts. As I was saying, the thoughts actually start to run.

Some of the things that are going on in your head, which leads to something that. Usually you can think of them as the same as thoughts in some situations, but I like to put them differently. And that is the words, the words we use with ourselves. I mean, think about this. Have you ever turned around and said, I'm so stupid?

That's a thought that generated a word that's going to generate an action or response with you. And so one of the things to consider is, what are the words you're telling yourself? What are the words that you use? What are the external words when you communicate? I had a situation recently, this past weekend, where this person, from a communication standpoint, for some reason, they were agitated, irritated. I don't know. But the words they used were an outward manifestation of their internal thinking. And it, it wasn't productive, at least not for them in the end. So one of the things to realize is that our values drive our thoughts. Our thoughts will then drive the words we use, which ultimately will then drive the actions we take. And so if we turn around and we're beating ourselves up with our words, guess how much action we're going to take? Think about that. If I'm beating myself up constantly with, you know, I'm not worthy, I can't do this, I'm not good enough, you know, how much action am I going to take versus turning around and saying, no, you got this, you're going to be good, you're going to do fine. You've prepared, you're ready. This is, you know, think about what that does for people. Not only that, think about what it does when you use those words for other people. I mean, I see it as someone that owned a martial arts studio. Unfortunately, I saw some of the things that parents did, parents would, how they would say things to their kids that seemingly was inconsequential, seemingly was not that big of a deal, but it was, at least in my mind it was because I think that it was eroding the spirit of the child, a slow erosion. Because what you're doing is. What they were doing is, Is making demeaning comments. God, you know, you never do this well. Or, you know, why can't you do it as good as your other, as your brother? Why can't you do it as good as your sister? You know, that kind of thing. Those things wear on someone. Those kinds of words can be destructive versus trying to boost them and constructively. And I'm not saying to sugarcoat things. If they're doing things wrong, we certainly want to support them in their growth. But chastising and beating them up or using negative commentary certainly isn't going to serve them in the process. And I saw what it did to get so values, thoughts, words, actions, which ultimately when we turn around and do that, you start to look at. Well, that then creates something that we call habits.

Habits are just repetitive actions that actually are actions that we, we take on without really thinking anymore. Because we've ingrained them so much into our process, into our psyche, into our daily lives, that we don't even think about it. Whether it's driving, car, tying your shoes, There are habits that we can do without really thinking about. We don't have to deliberately. I mean, you think about when you first started to tie your shoes. You had to really think about every step. Don't anymore. Okay, habits. Habits like working out, habits like eating right, habits like thinking right, habits like treating your spouse right. Those are habits that are a result of values, thinking, words and actions, which ultimately leads to.

A set of results. Now, whether those results are the results that you want, whole different ball game.

So each of these will lead in a cycle.

And keep going. So here's the thing. You're going to get a set of results which really is ultimately started by the values that you, you have. And from those values will create thoughts, words, actions, and habits. Ultimately over time, the sum total of that cycle. Because when we get results, we'll reevaluate. We'll then decide, is this what I want? Do I want to shift some of my values? Do I want to shift some of my priorities? It's going to change my thinking again, change my words, change my actions, change my habits, and change the results. That's kind of. It's something somewhat of what we call a feedback loop. But the reality is that.

Most of the time we go through this cycle unconsciously. And that's the big thing that I want you to take away, is that if we're going to go through this unconsciously, then we are creating an identity unconsciously. We're not being deliberate and we're not being intentional. It's not going to serve you, because what's going to happen is you're going to get down the road a little bit and go, huh, how did I get there? How did this happen to me? It's because you closed your eyes and let someone else run the ship. It's your ship to run. And so what I'm inviting you do is to understand the personal identity cycle that you're in, because we're all in it and run it, and be deliberate and intentional every step of the way. Understand and define, specifically define your values, and from those values, allow your thoughts to support those values, which will mean that the words you use internally and externally will support the thoughts and the values and you see how they stack on each other. Because then the actions you take need to be congruent and consistent with that which will develop into habits over time, which will ultimately give you the result, results that you're looking for. So that's the key to what I call the personal identity cycle. And I think this is something that many of us fail to do intentionally. And that's the key message here, is to be intentional and deliberate about defining your identity. So people can trust the pattern of behavior that you're going to bring and there'll be consistent results. You'll have clarity with where you're going and you'll be more directed in your journey. So download the action guide for this because I think it will help you really bring this to life. You can go to Mel like I said, you can Download it from melabraham.com session078 and if you aren't at the computer again, just text me mylegacy one word to 38470. Make sure that I get you that download link. If you've got questions for me or challenges that you're having with business, content creation, success, wealth, any of those, just reach out to me. Go to askmelnow.com leave me your message. I'll make sure that we get it on one of the upcoming episodes, get your questions answered so so you can be supported so we can help you grow, be as successful as you want to be. The other two things I'm going to ask you to do do me a favor. Make sure that you share this with a friend. There's a lot of people out there struggling with what they want in life and when they get their identity straight, it's going to help them tremendously. So share this with a friend and subscribe. Stay with me on this journey. There's all kinds of stuff that I'm putting out and getting to you to be your kind of your mentor in your back pocket for free with me. So until we get a chance to see each other in the next episode, may your vision be grand, your journey epic, and your legacy significant. See you soon. Cheers. Bye.

We hope you enjoyed this episode. Make sure you subscribe so you get access to all of Mel's business and success tips. And if you like this episode, share it with a friend. If you have a specific business or success question, you can ask it at www.askmelnow.com. remember, it's all about being bold, dreaming big, and living life your way because the world needs you. Until the next episode, may your vision be grand, your journey epic, and your legacy significant.

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