Ted Talk River Bank Edition: Healing the nervous system and Faith

All right, TED Talk, round two. And this time, it's not coming from an airport lounge, but it's coming from the riverwalk. This is one of my favorite nightly routines. When I get a chance to do it, I've been on my prayer walk. This is where I come to listen and, like, let God speak, not just to my mind, but to my body. And that's kind of what I want to talk about tonight. I'm going to give a little personal testimony on some things that I've learned. The last TED Talk, we kind of talked about emotions, you know, how to honor them instead of, you know, fearing them, and how to feel, like, without shame, you know, and it's also important to not let your emotions run you. I don't know if I hit on that, but I just wanted to put that. But as I kept healing and as I kept praying, you know, there's some things that I realized deep inside me that every emotion that I was feeling, there was a nervous system that had to learn how to survive. And so that's something I think we don't understand about ourselves. And so what I learned is that my body had patterns long before. Like, my mind had the language for that. And there were moments that I leaned in quickly. Moments like I felt the urge to resolve things, you know, fast, you know, in different situations, not because something was actually wrong, but because my body mistook uncertainty for danger. And so there were moments when silence felt louder than words, you know, when waiting felt heavier than speaking, or, like, when stillness felt like loss of control. So I don't know if any of you guys can relate to that, but I realized those moments that my nervous system wasn't asking for answers. It was actually just looking for safety. And so once I saw that, I kind of stopped judging my reactions because I'm kind of critical of myself and stuff. So I stopped asking, like, what's wrong with me? And. Or, like, why am I like this? And I actually started getting curious instead. And, you know, I began to see, like, my responses, like, they weren't failures, but they were information, you know, signals that my body was giving me about what it needed to feel safe. And so that's when I started seeing. This is like a nervous system wisdom. If that's a thing. I don't know if that's a thing or not. But I. I'm going to make it a thing. But it's not like wisdom that was finished, though. It was like wisdom that was formed in survival. And so wisdom, you know, shaped in those moments, like My body had to decide quickly, you know, how to stay safe, like, how to stay connected, you know, how to endure. And if I'm being honest, like, that wisdom of it wasn't the wisdom of wholeness, okay? Like, it was the wisdom of just, like, getting through. And what once, like, helped me survive was now being gently invited by God to be healed and refined and, like, actually brought into rest. And that understanding didn't come from a book, okay? It came through prayer. It came through walking this river and listening to God and letting him show me, like, what my body had learned and also, like, what he was ready to heal. And this is something, you know, I've been studying Hebrew, and this is something I really loved, is that one of the most freeing things is that in biblical Hebrew, you know, the. The body, the emotions of spirit isn't separated the way modern psychology, you know, separates them. Scripture, like, assumes that they were created integratedly. I think that's God's original design, if I'm being honest. But many of us, you know, we have a fractured life, you know, that needs integration and stuff. It could be, you know, pain. It could be trauma. It could be survival. You know, like, it taught part of us, you know, how to operate independently. Like, it was the body protecting, you know, the emotions, like, bracing the spirit, you know, still longing, you know, wholeness, you know, so healing isn't, you know, fixing God's design, if we're being honest. Like, healing actually is restoring it. And so one of the biggest shifts for me was realizing that these patterns weren't flaws, okay? So, like, they are not flaws. That they were actually just, like, adaptions that my nervous system made. And they were formed in real moments, moments where my body was learning how to stay connected, how to avoid loss, how to protect itself, you know, when safety felt really uncertain. And my body. Body wasn't malfunctioning, it was actually responding to what it knew. You know, it's kind of like. People talk about muscle memory. It's like nervous system memory. So my body learned, you know, certain responses to stay safe or connected. And when unhealed patterns meet, like, you know, that's usually. It's not a personal thing. It's just, you know, a nervous system doing the best to feel safe at the time. So this is kind of like what I learned. And what I also learned is, you know, healing requires us to take responsibility for our part. And that was something. Something that I feel like the Lord, you know, kind of was working on me, and he's like, you know, come on, let's, like, let's do better. And so there were times, you know, I reacted out of fear instead of troth. You know, times that my past spoke louder than my present. You know, times that, you know, connection was, like, faster than what my body could hold. You know, so they didn't make me wrong. It just kind of showed me, like, formation was still needed. And so I don't know if anyone relates with this. It is, you know, just keep going in, you know, I'm almost done. But, like, therapy, like, I've been in therapy and therapy helped me name what was happening. It put language to the patterns that, like, I couldn't explain. I did this inner child work stuff with my friend. She's amazing at the Allender Center. That kind of helped me understand, like, where it all started, like, the earliest places in my body, what I learned how, like, where love and safety and that stuff was formed. And then recently I did somatic work and that helped my body to feel safe again. So not just thinking differently, but actually learning that I was no longer in danger and all that mattered and all of that was necessary. And I'm be quite honest, like, all of that was like a gift. Okay, Like a very freeing. But here's what's truly healing. And what shifted for me and the whole reason why I wanted to do this TED talk tonight is that, you know, therapy revealed, you know, somatic work helped with that relief, but Jesus completed. I realized, you know, healing isn't just understanding the pattern. Okay? It is surrendering what that pattern was protecting. And that's the big. That's the big picture and stuff. Sometimes we intellectualize stuff a little too much, I think, in our society. Lean not on your own understanding, the Lord says. But when, you know, Jesus brought things to the surface. It wasn't for it to shame me. It was an invitation to hand back what I was already meant to, like what I was never meant to carry alone. And as I did that, you know, fear softened. Like, my body regulated, like my heart had more room. You guys know, I'm just a lover and stuff. I just love people. But, you know, scripture talks about that kind of. And it has a name, and I mentioned it in the last one. It's called Shalom. And it's not the absence of struggle. It's the presence of wholeness. Nothing missing, you know, nothing broken. It's literally what they were feeling. And like what Jesus was feeling in the boat whenever the storm was going on. He felt Shalom. He felt peace. He knew the Father was in control. And, you know, that's what my body was learning, and that's what Jesus was restoring. So I want to invite you guys that if any of this resonated with you, I want you to know this, okay? You are not broken. Your body is not betraying you, and your patterns do make sense, and healing is definitely possible. But we have to be kind to ourselves and be open to the process of allowing the Lord here. So, you know, you got to do the work that helps you understand, let your body learn safety again, and let Jesus finish what the tools that you use actually begin. Because connection isn't just communication. It's shalom. And wholeness is something only God can complete in us. Okay, that's all for my TED Talk. I'll talk to you guys later.