004. How to Stop Feeling like a Fraud and Beat Imposter Syndrome for Good!

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck, and this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money is made to help you create greater impact and financial freedom one business at a time. Well, hello my friends and welcome to the podcast. So glad that you are here with me today because today we get to talk about feeling like a fraud or imposter syndrome. Doesn't that sound awesome? I wanted to talk with you about this because it's something that I hear so often from women that I work with and it's something I experience on a regular basis and most recently in the starting of this podcast. This podcast has been a long time in coming and it has been mostly a journey through imposter syndrome and perfectionism for me. I wanted to talk with you about that today because I would love to see more women go bigger and get out from under this perfectionist, fraudulent type situation that so many of us find ourselves in. First, I want to start off by talking about what is imposter syndrome and defining it for us. So I googled it, of course, because that's what we do, right? When we want to know something, we Google it. And I found it so interesting, the way that it's defined on Google, it's defined as. So imposter syndrome is also called perceived fraudulence, which I thought was so interesting is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high achieving people and I would insert women who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. It is a series of thoughts. That's my part of the definition. It's a series of thoughts that we have about ourselves, that we are less than we are a fraud. You probably can relate to some of this, like I'm not good enough, I don't know enough. I am not smart enough to do this or that or the other thing or be able to contribute to the conversation or for me it was to even be a coach, right? And so it's a series of thoughts, right? And it causes us to feel, to have feelings about ourselves like self doubt or incompetence. And it shows up in our actions in an effort to counter these feelings. We might end up working harder, holding ourselves to even higher standards, trying to prove our worth, trying to get more certifications, or not trying, but working to get more certifications, more education, more degrees. It looks like asking others for their opinion, trying to make ourselves feel better. It looks like Comparing to others. And so I can relate to that. In putting this podcast together, it looks like obsessively trying to be different. Like as in having lots of drama around your niche and how you can stand out in the marketplace. And so we end up like niching down to the gnat's ass. I like to say it looks like staying small in order to avoid the pain of feeling the self doubt and the incompetence. It looks like attempting to be perfect. And ultimately for me and for many people I talk to, procrastinating. So those are some of the signals. If you see yourself wanting to work harder, get more certifications, more degrees, comparing yourself to others, obsessively trying to be different, attempting to be perfect and procrastinating, you might be suffering from imposter syndrome. How do we handle this? How can we overcome this first, before that and want to say, obviously when we're showing up, if it's showing up for us in all of those ways, then it's definitely going to be affecting our results. For me, it affected my results in I didn't start a podcast or I waited. I kept waiting four years to start feeling competent and qualified to start a podcast. It showed up in me not getting my ideas out there and not providing another great way for people to get to know me. Right. So those were my results. And so in essence it can affect how many clients I'm getting and how much money I'm making. And so I wonder if you are experiencing this or you see this come up in your life too, because this is what we are going to talk about today is how to overcome this imposter syndrome, how to stop feeling like a fraud. And it is super, super important. And I have been feeling this very intensely over this podcast process. So I thought that I would share it with you, how I am dealing with it. And hopefully this is helpful to you. So it's important first of all to just be aware that this is what's happening and to acknowledge it. And we have to have some awareness and some curiosity before we can actually deal with it. Right? So I thought this was so interesting. You might have heard this before in the past, but as women we tend to wait until we feel like 110% qualified. However, that 100% never comes and then we end up staying small or procrastinating or procrastinating. I call it procrasta preparation. Waiting for things outside of us to make us feel qualified. Just notice if that's happening for you. And this is how I Handle it. And this is how I coach my clients through handling when we are getting stuck in imposter syndrome. So, like I said, the first thing is to have that awareness that this might be what's happening. And you gain that awareness when you recognize that you're not getting the result you wanted. Me, in this example, I wanted four years ago to start a podcast, but I didn't start one. I didn't start one. I didn't start one. So I now have awareness that that was happening, right? And that it's happening because it was happening, because I didn't feel qualified. I didn't feel like I had anything important to say. I didn't feel like I was different enough or marketable enough or whatever it is. So I just continue to not start my podcast. Right. So what is a result that you have been wanting to work towards that you haven't been? And is it possible that this imposter syndrome could be what's holding you back? And so when you notice that this is happening, I want you to have so much love and compassion for yourself rather than beating yourself up and saying, oh, I shouldn't think. I'm not qualified. I shouldn't be thinking that I have nothing to say. I shouldn't be feeling doubtful and incompetent. I should be feeling this other way. Forget all of that. That is not going to make you better. Instead, the first approach I want you to have is so much love and compassion for yourself. That part of you that is scared to stick her neck out, to put yourself on the line, to go bigger, to take up more space. We are not socialized as women to do that. And so I think for many of us, it takes just that extra level of awareness and effort to overcome this. And so just have some love and compassion. Of course you don't want to be looked at as stupid, or of course you don't want to risk no one listening or those people that listen to be criticizing you and coming after you or whatever, have that love and compassion. And then from there, that opens you up to curiosity. And then just get curious and ask yourself, why? Why am I feeling like I'm not good enough to start this podcast? I'm not good enough or have nothing, you know, different to say that, you know, why am I thinking those things? And so for me, when I asked myself that, some of the answers that come up with that came up were, you know, I will sound dumb, that no one will listen. I'll spend time on this for no good reason, and, you know, it Goes on and on and on. And it reminds me of a client I was talking to this week I was coaching with, and she's a real estate agent and wants to go into focusing on a diff, this particular type of market, particular type of seller. And I asked her why she wasn't doing this, you know, why she hadn't already done it. And she's been in real estate for, I don't know, over 20 years or something. She said, and so she hadn't moved into this different specialty because she thought she needed to get more certifications. And of course we all know as a real estate agent you have to have a real estate license. And she's had a real estate license. She's been involved in buying and selling real estate for, like I said, 20 years. So the certification is not required for her to focus on this different type of client, right? So I asked her, well, why? Why do you have to get that certification? And she said, well, what if I'm involved in a transaction and I don't know something? And I said, well, what happens now when you're involved in the transaction and you don't know something? And she said, well, I find out the answer, like I just go and figure it out or ask someone. And I said, well, what is different if you were to go into this new market? And she said nothing. And so we discovered that she's holding herself back because she's doubting her abilities to serve this particular type of client when she could just choose to go and serve these folks, go create some of these clients, begin today and create these new opportunities. And so what is it for you? Where are you holding back? Where are you not expanding or taking up more space in your own business, in your own market? And why is that? Ask yourself this question to get curious. Ask yourself why. Once you've identified all those reasons, I want you to just go through them. So I'll go through mine. Like I said, I'll sound dumb, no one will listen, and I'll be spending all this time for no good reason. So let's just pretend all three of those were true. What if I sound dumb? Well, some people might think I sound dumb, right? And I guess it's fine, like I can't control what other people think, right? Number two, no one will listen. So what if no one listens? What is the point of doing this podcast? Is it so people will listen? Well, that would be nice and I imagine some people will. I actually know my sister and my brother in law listened. So thank you so it's actually not true that no one will listen. I've actually had two listeners already, so it's amazing. And then what if I spend time for no good reason? Is it no good reason? Like, is that really true? What is actually happening with me, even if no one listens? Doing this podcast, and for me, part of it is my practicing, for me, of using and honing and trusting my voice. That's been a struggle with me, for me, for years, is to stand up and say, this is what I'm thinking, and have my own back and be proud of the expertise and the opinions and value that I have to offer. And so for me, this podcast is part of that. Like standing up and saying, yes, I do have something to offer. I believe I do, that I could help one person. So even if I sound dumb or if no one listens, it's still time well spent because it's me developing my voice that I can use to serve my clients better, that I can use when I go to speaking engagements. It just helps me to become a better coach, a better CEO, a better mom, a better wife. Right? And so even though my brain tells me that I'm not qualified, maybe I am actually qualified. And so that's what I want you to do. I want you to ask yourself, how is it true that you are qualified, that you are worthy, that you have value to offer, and put those doubts up against your why? Right? So for me, I'll sound dumb. Okay? How do I deem myself qualified? And what is the purpose for me to do this podcast? Yeah, some people might think I sound dumb, but then some people might be completely transformed and changed by listening and taking in this value, right? And so is it worth it? Yes, it is worth it. Because for me, if in this process, I help one woman to get free of imposter syndrome just a little bit and to begin to examine why she's not going big, then I've accomplished my mission, right? At the risk of sounding dumb, at the risk of no one listening, at the risk of wasting time. Well, I don't think I'm wasting time, Right? I mean, so you kind of go through that process of. Of looking at the validity of each one of those objections that your brain is giving you. The next step is to recognize that the truth is that you get to decide when you're qualified enough. Take, for example, a brain surgeon. That brain surgeon has gone through lots and lots of training and schooling and practice and residency and all the things, right? But even after she has gone through all of that she has to step into that operating room on her own decision, that she is now qualified and lead that surgery. Right. So even after you've gotten all the degrees, all the certifications, all of the whatever you think you need to have, you still come to a point where you have to decide that you're qualified enough. And so when is that going to be for you? When is it going to be? Like my client that I coached with this week, it was on the call that we had together. She decided she's qualified enough, she can just go after this new market. There's nothing holding her back. And that's so freeing. Right? And yes, of course, if you're doing brain surgery, you need to have proper education and qualification and certification. Well, I guess you're board certified or whatever, right? And that's for the protection. And so, yes, those things are true. But then beyond that, like, for me, I have an MBA in marketing. Does that qualify me to talk about business? I think it does. I think my experience in growing businesses and helping others grow their businesses qualifies me even more. But see, I get to decide what makes me qualified. And so I find it interesting that men will feel when they feel 60% qualified. This is, I think, regarding job, applying for a job, that they will apply for a job when they are 60% qualified. Whereas a woman will wait until she's 110% qualified for the exact same job before she would apply for it. So at the end of the day, decide that you are qualified. If you're qualified to serve and give and love on one person, go do it. Right. So then I want you to ask yourself, once you've decided you are qualified enough, I want you to ask yourself, what do you need to be thinking about yourself and where do you want to be confident? Right. So if I want to be confident enough to start a podcast, what do I need to be thinking? This is part of the process that I went through to get to where we are today. So for me, one of my thoughts, or here's a few of my thoughts, one of them is that my ideas don't have to be perfect to be helpful. Another thought is, it's okay if no one listens. That's not the point of what we're doing here. The point for me is to offer value. And I hope everyone listens. But even if no one does, I still get value for myself in trusting my voice and practicing my voice, in getting my thoughts out there into the world. That, for me is the victory, that is the breakthrough. And the next thought is, I'm going to show up for the one that will have the breakthrough like I have, right? That I am so grateful to my coaches and my mentors that stuck their neck out and showed up for me, that in turn, I can't help but show up for you and maybe you're the one that will have this breakthrough today, like I have. The next thought is, it's okay that this show that my thoughts, my voice, is not for everyone, but those that it is for are going to have the most amazing life changing experience anytime they show up and listen to this podcast. And so I don't know if you can feel that, but that's like a total shift inside of me. Like, that just gets me fired up. And so I want you to ask yourself, what are those thoughts that you need to be thinking about yourself and what you have to offer that create that shift inside of you? And if you need help coming up with those, I'm a coach and I would love to help you. And so once you feel that shift as a result of these thoughts, what are those feelings that just start to fill you up? For me, it's just like so much love and determination and bravery. Those are the feelings that come out and then feeling that way, how will I show up? How will you show up? For me, it was finally executing on my desire to start this podcast. It is for me trusting my voice, putting all of my value out into the world to help more women make more money, hustle less, create more financial freedom for themselves and their families. That's how I show up. And I believe 100% that that that shift will show up in my results as well. I believe I will attract more listeners, right? More clients, more connections, more opportunities. So me overcoming my imposter syndrome in this one area of starting a podcast has ripple effects, right? And that's why this work is important. So what will it be for you? Where will your shift be in overcoming imposter syndrome? I want to make a point that we don't completely eradicate it. It's not going away. It's always going to be in the back of our mind, maybe chattering a little bit, but we can allow it to be there and not let it drive the bus. We can allow it to be there and move forward and let that imposter syndrome thinking, no, that it's okay, that we are worthy, we are valuable, that people want what we have to offer, and we have important contributions to make, we have value to offer. And so it will definitely rear its ugly head in times of growth and in times when you are stepping out of your comfort zone again. And that's okay. Right? And the more we practice these steps, the more tolerance we will build up to this feeling of perceived fraudulence or imposter syndrome. Right. Well, we will be able to recognize it easier with less drama and be able to work with it, to handle it and move on and get out there and make that impact to serve our clients, to affect change in our world. So I encourage you today to just start to have this awareness and work through these steps and beat imposter syndrome in your life. All right? Have a great day and a great week, and I will see you next time. If you like this podcast and want to take this work deeper, I invite you to coach with me one on one. It all starts with a conversation. Let's get on a call together and I'd love to learn more about you and your business. And together we can identify what is standing in the way of creating the business and life life you envision. And then we'll create a plan to get you there. So visit my website@melissamkellogg.com and find a spot on my calendar. I look forward to seeing you.