032. How to Deal with Emotions About Your Business

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck, and this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast, where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money is made to help you create greater impact and financial freedom one business at a time.

Well, hello, Good morning. At least it's morning here where I am in my neighborhood going out for a morning walk and thought I'd bring you along with me this morning to talk about how our emotions and our thoughts create the energy and the actions that we take, the energy we create, the actions we take and how that affects our business. And I've really learned this year the importance of having awareness around what I'm feeling. And if I'm not paying attention, then my actions are also unintentional and can really sabotage or get in the way of what I want to accomplish. So I wanted to just talk with you about that today, this morning, because a lot of times I wake up in the morning and it feels like it's the time. I don't know, maybe it's overnight. My. My mind is, like, processing, and my body's processing feelings, my mind's processing thoughts from the day. And a lot of times I'll wake up in the night or wake up in the morning and just feel awful. Like, just feel like either dread or anxiety. I just have, like this ball in my chest of anxiety or in my pit in my stomach. And I wanted to just share that with you because it's totally fine. It's normal. I want you to know that you are not your thoughts or your feelings, that we have complete agency over our thoughts, over creating intentional thoughts. And so it doesn't mean something has gone wrong or there's something wrong with you or it's a bad sign if you have bad feelings. I pick on the positivity culture a lot because in that type of thinking, we don't allow ourselves to feel bad. And when we do that, we try to resist and push down negative feelings and they don't go away. And oftentimes we just end up feeling worse. And then we take that. Those feelings into our day, and it can spin us out. Like, I spent, I think, a lot, probably months of last year kind of spinning out in the. My overall predominant, unintentional thought, I think was, it's not working. And then that just creates all kinds of really tough feelings, hard feelings. And then I was going with that thinking and feeling into my business, trying to sell stuff and talk to people, and it wasn't Working. We created the results we get. We create what we are thinking and feeling, right? And so that is the power of creating intentional thoughts. And so there's two types of thoughts. We have our unintentional, which is just kind of like the default thinking, default programming. And I always encourage my clients to just start out by practicing awareness. So we as humans have a prefrontal cortex, which is different from, like, my dog that I'm walking right now, Ginger. She does not have a prefrontal cortex in her brain or as part of her brain. She cannot make plans about what she's gonna do or eat or whatever. She just exists based on primal urges, right? And so humans, on the other hand, we have a prefrontal cortex, which allows us to make plans, to think ahead to reason, and it also allows us to create thoughts on purpose. So we have a prefrontal cortex. And so we can almost, like, observe ourselves thinking, right? Like, we can. If. If you think that you are not your thoughts, then you can kind of observe your thoughts happening, right? And so I wanted to just talk you through how I process emotions and thought unintentional thoughts. And I usually do that in the morning because, like I said before, I wake up usually feeling a lot of dread or anxiety, anxiousness. And so I process through that. And I don't believe you have to make bad thoughts, bad feelings go away. But what you can do, what I believe is that they are all messages, parts of ourselves that want to be listened to, Our primal thinking. That is usually where the source, the unintentional thoughts come from. Our primal thinking. Right, our primal brain. And our primal brain is just doing its job, and its entire job is to keep us safe. So when you have bad feelings of dread or something's going wrong or something's missing or what's wrong with me? It's just part of your primal brain saying, hey, listen, I want to make sure we're safe. I want to make sure that we're not under attack or our survival is not in jeopardy, right? So it's okay that we have those thoughts. It's completely part of the way God designed us. It's the reason why our species, humans have existed for as long as we have. Right? So it's okay that we have these thoughts and feelings, right? But those are unintentional primal programming. So I can take a look at if I'm having anxious feelings or dread or whatever. And I can. So what I do is I will just kind of question, where's that thought coming from? Like, have Curiosity, rather than trying to make it go away, I just have some curiosity, like, where is it coming from? Why am I feeling this way? And so as I ask myself that question, the thought I think that is really at the root of the anxiousness, the anxiety that I'm feeling today. The thought that is at the root is like, something's wrong. Like I'm missing something. Something's falling through the cracks. And that just creates a lot of tightness inside of me. Right. So. So, okay, I'm feeling like there's something missing, something's falling through the cracks, or something's wrong. Why? Like, what is happening? What is the. What are the facts that lead me to believe that? Well, I know I have a lot going on in my business right now. I'm making some transitions and going to be adding some new things and launching some new things. And prior to this, so I'm just talking through this with myself. And a lot of times, normally I'll do this in writing in my journal. And here's the construction equipment. Sorry about all the beeping. That's terrible. So normally I would be doing this, like in writing in my journal, but I wanted to bring you along because I think it's so helpful. It's really changed everything for me. So as I'm looking at, you know, I've been making a lot of changes. A lot of things are. My focus is changing. And so I loved the way my business was, that I was just focusing on one thing and that was signing one on one clients. Like, that was my sole focus. And it just was very simple, very, very uncomplicated for my brain to get wrapped around. Right. So now I feel like there's a lot of other things happening. A lot of things in the works have a lot of, you know, collaborations going on. Right now I have a women's retreat that we're having in the fall, and so that's open for registration right now. And. And I have some other exciting things that I can't talk about quite yet that I'm collaborating with. And so I have, like, I feel really responsible to my partners that I'm collaborating with. I don't want to let them down. So I think that's part of it there. Like I don't want to be missing something. And I'm also feeling some. I feel some stress around cash flow. Like I want to make sure I have enough cash flow and that it all kind of is working together to support these projects that I'm working on. And those are sprinklers. If you hear those in the background, spring has sprung here, grass is getting greener, trees are leafing, flowers are blooming. So it's kind of fun to watch. I love this time of year. So, yeah, I think that's. And as I talk through it and just kind of follow those breadcrumbs of thoughts and let them out and listen to them, I feel the ball in my stomach just begin to loosen. It was kind of like a, I don't know, swirling ball of kind of ickiness. And it was kind of jagged and hot and warm. And as I'm talking through this, I just feel it just loosening up and kind of dissipating and it's changing colors. It's just kind of letting go. And so, so the messages from that, those bad feelings, right? Anxiety is not exactly a good feeling that you want to have. We don't have to make it go away. But once I listen to it, I think there are some important messages there, right? Like I. I want to make sure I'm planning out my time properly and keeping up with the obligations that I have and using my team and keeping track in my project management software, keeping track of all the moving pieces. This is always a time of month that I look at my finances too. So I gotta make sure all my numbers look good. And so, yeah, I feel like that's really what was coming up for me. And so I feel much looser. I feel like I feel better, right? And it. Sometimes it takes a long time to process through emotions. And I feel like listening to them and letting all those thoughts out. You can see all the thoughts, all the unintentional thoughts that are running in. In the background, right? So once you let all. And process or just let all those unintentional thoughts out, then you can. What I like to do is think about what. How do I want to be feeling about all of these things going on, right? Because the truth is that they are all moving parts. There's a train, but everything is fine. Nothing has fallen through the cracks. This is the truth. And I've got a great support team. I've got, you know, I'm supporting myself and taking care of myself. I'm using my project management software. I've got my calendar, I'm following my calendar. I mean, I know there's definitely some things on my to do list that I wanted to get done yesterday that I didn't. And today I'm out of the office most of the day, so. But that's okay. Like, there's no Nothing is on fire. And so I'm not, you know, invalidating those feelings, but I'm just checking in and what is really the truth, right? So what is the feeling I want to be having that I want to be taking into this day? Well, I certainly. I have some very exciting event to go to today, so I want to walk into that event with confidence, really stepping into my future self. And I also know that I'm safe, I have my own back. I can go big in my business, that I'm going to take care of myself, right? So if I had. If I allowed all those unintentional thoughts to be going on, I probably would be, like, avoiding meeting a lot of people, right? Because if my brain is spinning unintentionally and thoughts around, oh, something's falling through the cracks, well, then I don't want to be taking on any more relationships, right? So that's not how I want to be going into my day and to this appointment. A really pretty little yellow bird in the tree so can you hear his little song? But instead, I want to be able to walk into this meeting, into this day full of confidence and just excitement for everything I have going on. And really so that the energy that I have is just very attractive and interesting. And so if I want to be coming into my day like that, feeling safe and powerful and interesting. And what are some of the thoughts I might want to have? Well, and I kind of went over those a minute ago, so this is kind of the way my mind is working. It's usually a little more organized in my journal, but that's okay, right? So thinking that, you know, I have, some of the thoughts that I want to have today are that I have all the time that I need to get done, what I need to get done, right? I have. I have enough cash flow. I have enough. I always have enough, and I always make it work, right? I always figure it out. And I love meeting new people and. And creating new relationships in my business, all of my dreams, everything that I want is on the other side of creating those relationships and being more of myself to more people. So in thinking those thoughts, that gives me that feeling that I want to go into the day, that feeling of excitement and safety, and I've got my own back. And, yeah, it's gonna be a great day, you guys. And so I hope this has been helpful to you. This is something that I do every day, just about every day, because I want to be intentional with my thoughts and my energies and my feelings that I take into every day because that's what creates the actions that I take, right? And how I show up in the world. And I want to show up in the world with intention. And so this is how we do it. This is what we call self coaching. And you can do it too. And I want to be talking more about this on the podcast. I know I haven't done a whole lot of conversations about this episodes about this, but it really has been a game changer for me and really has been something that has turned around my business, my life, my results. And so I want to make sure to share more and teach more on it here as well. So I hope you have a fabulous rest of your day, rest of your week and I will speak to you next time. Bye.

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