033. How to Deal with Emotions in Your Business, Part 2: The Debrief

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck. And this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money is made to help you create greater impact and financial freedom one business at a time. Well, hello there, my friends. I hope you're having a fabulous day, fabulous start to your week. I wanted to record a follow up episode to last week's episode, which was episode 32, how to deal with emotions about your business. And in that episode, which I hope you listen to, I took you on a walk with me on my morning walk as I processed through some tough emotions and I talked through how I do that and why I do that and why. I have found that being aware of the emotions that we're feeling is really helpful in creating the results that we want. Because we are not our thoughts or our feelings and we actually have agency over the thoughts that we have. And so if we believe that we have the ability to create the thoughts that we want with intention, then why not create ones? Create thoughts that serve us right. And so I kind of talk through that process. It's definitely not as simple as, oh, you know, I'm just gonna have positive thoughts today. There's a lot more to it than that. And so if you did not listen to that episode, I highly recommend you go and listen to that and then come back here and listen to this one. Because I'm gonna do a debrief and really walk you through the process that I use and practice on a pretty much daily basis to deal with tough feelings and what I do when I'm feeling bad, which is pretty much at some point every day. Because our feelings, our lives are 50. 50, right? Like half of our lives are going to be tough and feel awful, and half of our lives are going to be feeling great. Half of our days are going to be feeling great. Half of our days are going to be feeling not so great. That's okay. It's all fine. There's nothing wrong with feeling bad and having bad feelings. We don't have to make it mean that there's something wrong, but having the awareness around it can really help you move out of that into a much more intentional place that an intentional life. Right? And that's what we all want. We want to be living intentional lives, creating our businesses and our lives on purpose and with a purpose. And so that's really what the, what this is all about. This episode and last episode is teaching you how to have a more Intentional life and business. And so the practice that I walked you through in last episode, I'm going to really make it much more structured and organized here because I was on a walk, kind of talking off the top of my head, and I feel like after I listened to it, I was like, you know, I think it'd be really helpful to really walk the listener through the process in a much more organized way. So that's what we're going to do today. And so, first of all, I wanted to start out by just reviewing the thought model that I learned from a mentor of mine, Brooke Castillo of the Life Coach School. I learned this from her, and this is what I practice. And. And really, it's a way of understanding and having awareness around how we create the results that we get. So what this model states is that you have circumstances. So just like. Or I think of it almost like a noun, like a person, place, or thing, right? So your circumstance in this instance, for example, say it's our business, and then we have thoughts about the circumstance. So, for example, in this case, our business. So we have thoughts about our business, right? And those thoughts create feelings, and feelings create energy. And then out of our feelings and energy, our actions, we act from that place, right from that, that feeling creates action. And then the actions that we take create the results that we get. So that's kind of the foundational understanding that this processing through emotions and the importance of it is that when we process emotions and when we choose our thoughts intentionally, that creates the actions that we take and the results that we get. So the best way to that I have found to examine the thoughts behind the emotions that we have is to write them down. And normally that's what I do. So I'm just going to walk you through the practice that I do basically every morning. And so I start out by asking myself, what is my predominant feeling right now or my predominant thought? You can. Some people resonate more with thoughts, some people resonate more with feelings. And I will ask myself this question both ways. What am I predominantly thinking right now? I do this in the morning, so I kind of get a. It's like you're taking your own temperature, almost like your energetic temperature. As I said on the last episode, I often wake up in the morning feeling lots of anxiety and dread. If I'm feeling that way, you know, I will just take my temperature. Like, what is my predominant feeling today? And so if it's anxiety, then I will start to do a download of all of my thoughts onto paper in my journal. I'll just start writing like all the things I'm thinking about that. All the thoughts that are creating that feeling. Right. So for example, in the episode last week, I talked about feeling like things were falling through the cracks. So I would just write down all the thoughts that are creating that feeling of anxiety. So thoughts like things are falling through the cracks. I don't know if I have enough cash flow to support these projects that I'm doing. I don't want to disappoint my strategic partners or my collaboration partners, you know, and all those thoughts that are giving me that feeling. So I like to think of this as like cleaning out the closet. So like we have a dark closet with the doors closed. And it's very, you know, the monsters live in the dark, right. So once we open up those closet doors and just like clean out all those thoughts, get all those thoughts down on paper, then we can see what we're dealing with here. And then what I do. So that usually gives me. And like you'll hear, you heard in that episode, it gives me a lot of clarity as to really what's the root thought? There's usually kind of a root thought, like a predominant thought that's creating that feeling of anxiety or whatever it is. And so I list all those out and then I like to consider what is the wisdom that's coming from these thoughts. A lot of times there's a lot of unrealistic expectations or drama or over dramatization of doom and gloom that comes out in some of these unintentional thoughts. And that's fine. It's not a problem. Like I talked about last week, our primal brains, their entire purpose is to keep us safe and alive. And so they're just doing their job so we can have some compassion for ourselves and for that part of our brain that's just trying to keep us alive. So we just have a little compassion. And then we also approach that with curiosity, like, what's really going on here? What is the message? Okay, so if I, you know, if I'm thinking things are falling through the cracks, so maybe the message is there. I. I really want to make sure I'm organized. Okay, so that's some wisdom that I want to take from that feeling. Right. So I don't necessarily have to get in the pool and just feel like everything is going down the tubes and. But I can have some perspective and say, what is the wisdom that's coming from this? And so I like to mine that wisdom. And then I just. We can allow those Feelings to just be there. And usually what happens for me is as I download those thoughts and see them in black and white and just really kind of mine the wisdom from them. A lot of times the emotions will move on. Like they lose their strength or their scariness or whatever, right? And so. And then there's other times where the. That anxiety is just going to be with us. That feeling of dread or whatever is just going to be with us. And it's okay. It doesn't have to be a problem. And so sometimes we just have to allow those feelings to be there, and we can't necessarily put a time limit on them. I think. I know I have gotten tripped up in the past by trying to put a time limit and be like, okay, I got 10 minutes to process this emotion. It better be gone in 10 minutes, or I've got meetings to go to. I've got things to do. And that's not the way our emotions work. There's a natural, organic movement that needs to happen. And if it's not according to the time schedule you have, that's okay. It's okay. Sometimes we just have to allow those tough feelings to be there. And I almost think about it, like, okay, we're just going to be carrying the baby with us today. Or have ever had small children, you know that just because you have a baby, it doesn't mean you stop going out about your days, going to the grocery store, running errands or whatever. You just pick up that baby and you take them with you, right? And sometimes that's the way it is with tough feelings. Sometimes we're just going to be carrying that baby with us. Not that we're going to stop everything and focus 100% on this bad feeling or allow the bad feeling to totally sink us. And same with the baby, right? We're not going to stop our entire lives and focus 100% on that baby. The baby can come with us so we can allow those bad feelings to be with us and still get stuff done. And it's okay. Allow them to process. Allow them to just be there. They don't have to drive the bus, they can sit in the backseat. But we allow ourselves and have compassion and gentleness and allow ourselves and those emotions the time and space to process. And sometimes thoughts will continue to come up, just continue to bubble to the surface, and they will give us some clarity and we address those thoughts. And as we are processing through this and going about our day, those feelings will eventually move on. What I like to do is make sure that all of the fears, worries, whatever the thoughts are that are behind the feelings, just to address each one of those, like I was saying earlier, you know, I had the thought that things are falling through the cracks, right? And so, yeah, there's some wisdom there. We take the wisdom and then we address that fear, right? And the actual truth is, no, nothing's falling through the cracks. I've got a good system, I've got project management system, I've got a great team backing me up. And so, you know, you address those fears and that also helps the feelings to move on. So once we've done that, where we're processing that feeling, then what I like to do next is to ask myself, how do I want to be feeling about this subject as I go into my day? So we decided that our subject for this day was my business, right? So how do I want to be feeling about my business as I go into today? What is the energy I want to be creating rather than the feeling things are falling through the cracks and the feeling of anxiety? What I really want to be feeling is, for example, let's see willingness, like willingness to figure it out, like, or determination, right? Or a sense of just that I have it, have everything taken care of. Or like, not safety necessarily, but I don't know. Determination and willingness are often really great thoughts for me to, to get me into, into action. So we're just going to go with willingness. I can't remember what feeling it was in the recording on the last episode, so I apologize about that. But for the purposes of today's episode, we're going to talk about feeling willing if I want to have willingness and the energy that that creates, like the willingness to figure it out, willingness to get stuff done and willingness to move take another step towards my goal. If that's the feeling, the energy, then what is the thought that gives me that feeling, that creates. What I like to do is just sit in that feeling of willingness for a moment and just think about how it feels in my body. I'll close my eyes and just think about the word and what is the energy that that word creates inside of me? And then once I feel that, then I'm like, okay, what is the thought? Or I do two things. So usually what I'll do is I'll generate that feeling and then I'll say, okay, if I was feeling willing to figure it out, then what would I be doing? And that this is when I start to feel that shift. The purpose of all of this is to feel a shift. Okay, so the shift will be, okay. I feel the willingness. And then if I were willing, then I would be creating a solid plan for the day that I can follow that is realistic. I would be making that plan, putting it into my calendar, and then deciding to follow it. Okay? So maybe that's like a list of actions that I would be taking. So if I was feeling willing and those were the things I would do, what is the thought that's going to get me there? So the thought that gives me that willingness is, I have always figured it out in the past, and I will figure it out this time, too. Like, I am maybe determination is the feeling I want, because that's what's kind of coming through for me now. Like, I. I'm determined to figure this out because all these projects, all these collaborations are really important to me, right? And I know I can figure it out. So that's like my feeling like, or my thought that I'm determined to figure it out, right? And so that's. That creates that energy that I want to be going into my day with. And then I have my list of actions that I want to take, and then I have felt that shift in my body. And so you'll know you're on the right track when you're choosing a thought that is attainable or believable to your mind. A lot of times with positivity culture, we are encouraged to choose thoughts that our brain calls BS on. Like, my brain's like, no, I do not believe that, and I am not getting on board with that. And, you know, just forget it. And so what I have to do when I'm doing, when I want to shift into an intentional thought, an intentional feeling, is to pick a thought that's actually believable. So do I believe that I can figure it out? And the answer is yes. I have always figured it out when something is important to me. I have figured it out how to get it, how to do it, where to get it, who to talk to. I can figure anything out, right? And I believe that about myself. And so I believe that in this instance too. And so that is a great thought to get me into action. So you need to make sure that you're choosing a thought that is believable, that your brain's not going to call bullshit on. Then once you have that shift, you'll know that, because you'll feel differently, you'll feel better. But, you know, the shift is happening for me, I know the shift is happening because I feel better. And then I start having lots of Ideas of actions I want to take, things I want to write, people I want to talk to. Like, the ideas just flood in. And so that's how I know that that shift has happened, that I've shifted out of that anxiety and dread and into determination or willingness or whatever the feeling, the energy is that I want to be in. So that is me walking you through in a little more organized detail and talking through what I took you through last week on the episode where I was on my morning walk. So I hope this helps you. And like I said last time, and I'll say it again, this practice of awareness of what I'm thinking and feeling has drastically increased my success and my ability to create the results I want to achieve the goals that I want to achieve. And this is what it means to be living a life and having a business on purpose, full of intention. And I think a lot of us for a lot of our lives. I know for me, a lot of my life I spent at the mercy of my thoughts and my feelings and not. Not thinking and feeling and behaving on purpose. And when we're not thinking and behaving on purpose, we're also not creating our results on purpose. And so there's so much freedom in this process that we don't have to be at the mercy of our circumstances or our thoughts and feelings. So there you have it. I hope this is helpful to you. I hope you have a fabulous week. And if this is work that you would like to do with me personally, I am a one on one coach and this is work that I do with my clients every day. I do with myself every day as well. So you are invited to schedule a call with me and we can talk about how mindset, work like this and strategy combined can change the trajectory of your business and your life and help you to create all the money and all the confidence to fully express yourself and have financial freedom for the rest of your life. So I will see you next time. Thank you. Bye. If you like this podcast, then you have got to sign up for my free on demand video training. Grow youw Sales Doing what yout Love Where I teach you in depth my simple process that you can implement right away to harness your your mindset and your skills to grow your sales to whatever level you want. So go grab that now. The link is in the show notes and I'll see you next time.