064. How to Keep Going and Not Give Up on Yourself or Your Goals

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck, and this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast, where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money is made to help you create greater impact and financial freedom one business at a time. Well, hello, ladies. How's it going? Hope you're doing well. Thank you for joining me today. I am joining you from the midst of a snowstorm. We are having a snow day over here today, and the kids are home. My husband just flew in from out of state. I was shocked. His plane actually made it in, but it did, and he actually made it home. So that's awesome. But I am here in the office at my desk and getting all fired up to talk to you. So what I want to talk to you about today is, yes, this month we have been talking about setting goals, making plans for the year. But what I want to talk to you about today is what to do when our plans don't work out. Our goal, we are falling short of our goal, and about how to keep going and not give up on yourself or your goals. And so this is super important because we can have all the plans and all the goals. But you know what? Things don't always turn out as we thought they would. In fact, rarely do they. I think, like, most of the time, things are not going as planned, and that's okay. Like, it's fine. And so I want to talk through that and, like, how I handle that scenario myself and how I teach my clients to handle that scenario and what we do when this happens. So. So if you've been with me for the past couple of episodes and you've got your goal, you've got this great plan that you have spent time, like, going through how many clients you need to get to the goal and how that's going to happen, the marketing plan, you've put all that together, and then we are diving, you know, head first into this year, and you're putting all of your plans in motion and it's not working out like you thought it would. And truthfully, this is what normally happens, because real life is real life. Goals and plans are goals and plans. And so what do we do then? Right? And sometimes maybe half the time, we will be on the side of our goal where we're achieving it faster and easier than we thought. And sometimes the other half the time, we're not achieving it and we feel terrible. So that's the part that I want to talk about. So first, when you have fallen Short on your goal, and normally you're feeling like crap. Well, I guess I can talk about myself. And, you know, I go through this with clients, too. Like, we're feeling like crap. We are feeling disappointed and inadequate and scared, maybe because the money's not coming in. Whatever those feelings are, step one in this process is I want you just to acknowledge how you're feeling and not make yourself wrong for feeling like crap when you're falling short of your goals. Falling short of our goals doesn't have to feel good, right? And that's okay. We can be disappointed. We can be feeling inadequate. All those feelings are totally normal. And I want us to just have some grace and some compassion for ourselves when we're feeling that way. Because what I've seen happen for myself a lot of times is in the past is I'll make myself wrong. Like, oh, I shouldn't be feeling this way, or I got to just stuff these feelings in the corner so I can get back to work. All of that. And what happens when I do that, when I see people do this, is that we end up elongating those feelings. They just, like, stick with us. For me, it's like I just start feeling so low energy, like I'm just swimming in mud, and I'm not really productive in that place. So what I would ask you to consider, what I recommend is let's acknowledge those feelings. Just bring them all out. Whether you want to talk to me, talk to someone that you trust. Write it in your journal, whatever it is, let it all out, right? Like, I'm so disappointed. You know, I'll talk to my coach about these things and just sit on the call and cry, and that's okay. Like, if you want to go get in bed, get under the covers and cry in your pillow. That's completely normal. I do that, too. Because there are times when we're going to feel disappointed, where we're going to feel like everything is falling apart, it's not working. And we have to just acknowledge and allow those feelings. So let them be heard. That's our step one. Just let our feelings be heard. You don't have to switch quickly into okay, fix it mode. Let's just give ourselves some grace, allow the feelings, sit in them, take a break until the storm passes. It's almost like. And we're just, you know, going through a storm now, right? A snowstorm, and we know that it's going to pass the clouds, and they're, you know, the clouds come, the snow falls, and then the storm moves away. Some storms move away quicker than others, and let's just allow the storm to be there, the feelings to be there, and when they pass, they'll pass. You know, if I have a sales call, a sales conversation with someone, and they say, no, you know, I'll feel bad about it for a little while, maybe, you know, I don't know, a few hours or the afternoon, and I just allow that. And then sometimes if it's a bigger goal or something else is going on that I'm failing at, maybe it's an entire day or a whole weekend or, you know, whatever it is, I just. But I just allow those feelings to be there no matter how long it takes, because you also have to have faith in yourself that the feelings will move on. You're not going to be stuck in them forever. So I feel like when we allow them, they move out. The storm moves out faster when we allow and acknowledge those feelings. So if you're not having. If those feelings aren't moving along, then it may be because you're resisting them somehow. Like resisting them and trying to get back to work really quickly, or not talking to anyone about them or not acknowledging them, just saying, oh, well, I'll just think about them in my head. No, they need to come out. Whether it's writing them out, talking them out, however it is. Even if you talk to your dog, I talk to my dog, so it's completely normal. But talk to somebody, right? Or write them out. Just get it all out. All right? And I'm spending a little bit of time on this because I think this is the part that a lot of us, especially us, you know, go getter women, we get caught up in and we get stuck because we're resisting the feelings. We don't feel like we should. Should be. Feel bad. We think we should just be positive poly all the time. And that is not realistic. It's great to feel great and feel positive, but there's some times when you don't, and that's okay. Just allow those feelings and they will move along. And so when those feelings have passed and you have had grace and compassion for yourself, you'll start to feel a shift, and you'll start to feel a shift of, okay, it is what it is. Now what? And when you're at that point, that's when we get to step number two. And step number two is evaluating what's going on. So whether we're evaluating a sales conversation that went wrong or whether we're evaluating the month of January and how we didn't meet our goals, whatever you want to evaluate that you're feeling like is failing, whatever goal it is, that's what we want to think about. And then we're going to go through the evaluation process, which is a very specific process that I've learned from my teachers and I'm going to teach to you. And it starts, and we, we go at it in this specific order because it puts us in a mind, in a mindset or a. A frame of learning and growth and not beating ourselves up. If we're just going to sit around and beat ourselves up, there's no learning in that. Right? So if we approach it from a place of learning, this is how I suggest the process you use. So step one in our evaluation process is to list everything or write out everything that is working, the growth that you're seeing in this area. You know, I'm just gonna talk about like the month of January. So whatever we're evaluating, what went, right? What worked, where did I see growth and what is happening, what happened that was actually positive. List all of that out, okay? And then second, you're going to list out all the places where you would like to see further growth, development, what is not working. List all of those things out. Okay? And then third, you're going to think about what you want to do differently next time, next month. You want to think about what are the lessons that you're learning from this period of not meeting your goals. And what do we want to change? Like, where do we go from here? And so this is where the magic happens, where all the learning comes out. And so you're going to have a list at the end of this process of things that you want to change, things that you want to do differently, how you want to iterate, okay? And you're going to take that list and you're going to decide what you want to implement next time around. And then you're going to change things up and you're going to keep going, because that's what we do as entrepreneurs, right? A huge part of being a successful entrepreneur is solving problems. And we are solving problems continually. Right? And so this is just another problem that is needing to be solved. And so we take all these, all this problem solving that we've done in the evaluation process, and we decide what we're going to implement right now, how we're going to do it, and we keep going. All right? So our, our third step is what do we do about the goal? Do we change the goal? Do we not change the goal? How do we decide that. And so this is what I think about that. It's a question that really depends on you individually and about the goal and what you're making that mean. So if I'm saying, okay, I didn't make my goal in January, for example, January is not over. There's a lot of time left in January. So we don't give up on our goals, you know, early in January. Right. We believe in them all the way to the end. And but for example, if you're say you're at. It's at the end of January, you didn't meet your goal, and that's what we're thinking about. So for me, it's like, oh, okay, I didn't create what I thought or wanted to create in January. So does that mean I changed my goal for the entire year? And so this is an individual question. You have to have some awareness around what you're going to make it mean that you didn't meet your goal in January. So if I don't meet my goal in January, does that mean what do I make? That means that mean I just need to change things up and go for it again in February or change the goal for the entire year. And so it depends on how you think about the goal and what you're going to make that mean. So, yes, we know problem solving is part of being an entrepreneur. We're always going to be solving problems. So I like to think of a failure or not hitting a goal as an invitation for me to learn and solve problems. So if I can look at not meeting the goal like that, then I don't even think about changing the goal. Right. I think about it as a challenge to problem solve at that higher level, that level of the higher goal. And that's why I always like to set high goals, because it's always a challenge for me to be creating, thinking, problem solving, working at that higher level. If I make a goal easy to achieve, then it doesn't really require a lot of growth and creativity for me. So I have found for myself that if I have a higher goal and I am consistently challenging myself to reach that goal, I will reach it. It might take me longer than I originally wanted it to, but that I'm getting the practice and learning how to think at that higher level. But there have also been times on the other side of the coin that I have set a goal too high. I've set it so high that I have no connection with it. Right. I feel zero possibility that that goal is going to happen. And Then I just have to have that awareness and of what's going on there. Like, am I feeling like this goal, I'm connected to it and challenging me to get better, think better, think at a higher level, and I'm excited and jazzed up about that. Or is the goal something that's just shutting me down? I feel there's zero possibility. It feels awful. And it's not going to call me higher. It's just gonna leave me floating out in the middle of nowhere because I'm just not connected to it. And in that case, I would say yes, you might wanna change your goal. So it's just kind of having that awareness of what you're thinking about yourself and the goal, what not achieving the goal is means to you, what you're gonna make it mean to yourself and how the goal feels in your body, right? Is there any shred of possibility, any mustard seed of faith that we can grow, right, or expand? If there's not and you're totally disconnected from the goal, I would say let's change it and create a goal that you can feel connected to, that, that calls you higher, that challenges you, but also excites you. Right? And so I have done that. I have changed my goal and it has helped me to learn and stretch. You know, I've set it at a lower number or whatever, and it has helped me to learn and stretch and see that I can achieve goals. So it's just a matter of, like, finding that point of where you're connected to the goal and, and it's calling you higher and it's not shutting you down. So you get to decide. And that's what's great about having a coach, is that you can talk this over with your coach, with me, and I can help you with that awareness and help you set those goals that are going to bring out the best in you. Right? So you're. You have goals that are calling you higher, but that are also, you know, that you're connected to, that you have some shred of belief in. So I also want you to consider looking at what you're believing about yourself and your possibility for achieving the goals, and find some thoughts that feel great and take note of those thoughts and remind yourself of these thoughts during these times when you're falling short on your goal to remember. Because, you know, when we're falling short on our goal and our belief in ourselves and our business is being stretched and challenged, our minds seem to very easily go into that place of, you know, you're not doing it Right. Everything's going wrong. You're inadequate at this. But we have to have that awareness that that's happening and offer ourselves. I like to think of it as like an argument for the defense, right. In the court of law. So you have that prosecutorial part of your mind that's spewing all that prosecution, but how are we going to also give equal time to that defense? Right? And so have some of those thoughts ready so that when you go down that road of just feeling inadequate and you're feeling like you're just being prosecuted by your own mind, that you can grab on to these thoughts, these beliefs that are true, that you believe to be true about yourself and your business and your ability to achieve goals and just read them to yourself, say them out loud, whatever it is. But remember that there, there are parts and places that you might be inadequate, falling short, but there are also parts of you that are achieving goals and making things happen. And I mean, you're an entrepreneur for goodness sakes, right? That takes a lot of guts. So some thoughts that I have that I wanted to share with you, that really helped me in these times that I repeat over and over to myself. And you have to find thoughts that you actually believe are true about yourself. So one thought that I have, I'm going to read three of mine. One thought I have is that I know I will get there if I never give up. So I tell myself that all the time. Like, yes, I know I'm going to get there if I never give up. I know that's true about myself. I know that's just true. Right? And so that's something that I don't have to talk myself into. I just, I know I'm going to get there if I never give up. So I'm never giving up. Another thought is that it may take me longer than I wanted this time around, but I'm getting better and better, faster and faster. And I can go back and look at the actual data that supports that. For example, my revenue, right? So if I'm thinking about my revenue numbers and meeting my revenue goals, I, you know, it might take me longer to get to this goal, but I can look back and see that every year I'm creating more, making more every month, and I'm making more money faster and faster. So I know I'm on that trajectory, right? So maybe it's going to take me longer than a year to create this amount, but that's okay because I know I'm getting faster and faster. So that's another thought that I believe about myself. And then thirdly is I always create what I want, no matter how long it takes me. And so I know I've shared. Shared this with you in the past, but like my hot tub story, like, I dreamt of having a hot tub for how many years? I mean, a long time. But I never gave up on it and I finally created it, even though it took me a long time. So. And it's the same with my revenue, for example, like, I wanted to create six figures in my business, and it took me four years of practice, you know, year after year, saying, setting that goal, falling short of the goal, evaluating, making changes and going for the goal again. I did that for 4 years before I actually hit 100k in my business. But I always create what I want, no matter how long it takes me. So those are some things I believe about myself. And you can borrow those. I. I give them to you. You can have those thoughts or you can come up with your own. So think about what's one thing that you know to be true about yourself and goals, one thing that is an argument for the defense. And think about that. Write it down, put it in a place where you can grab it when you're feeling like crap, okay? Because really, it is a lot of when we're ready, after we've processed those feelings of disappointment and all of that, when you're ready for new thought or for remembering how much of a badass you really are. This is a great exercise. So I want to just encourage you to put that in your tool belt. And if you follow this process, you will keep going. And I hope you never give up. Because I believe every single one of you in this. Within the sound of my voice has something valuable to offer. And your people need you. They want what you have to offer. And you want to create a successful business and make the money to achieve financial freedom for yourself and your family. And you can do it. If you never give up, you will make it happen. I guarantee it a hundred percent. I believe in you. So don't stop. Keep going. And I am here to support you however I can, in whatever way that I can support you. Please reach out and I hope you have a fabulous rest of your day. And let's go get them. Take care. Bye. If you like this podcast, then you have got to sign up for my free on demand video training, Grow youw Sales, Doing what yout Love, Where I teach you in depth. My simple print process that you can implement right away to harness your mindset and your skills to grow your sales to whatever level you want. So go grab that now. The link is in the show notes, and I'll see you next time.